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Data/Friends/ToConvert/The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS.html
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<!-- saved from url=(0053)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season5/504pbs.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS</title>
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<meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 3.0">
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<meta name="Template" content="C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\Templates\friends.dot">
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS</h1>
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<hr>
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|
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<p>Written by: Michael Curtis<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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|
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<hr>
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|
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just gotten home and is going through the mail.
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She finds something that's Monica's and goes over and knocks on her closed bedroom door.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (In a sexy voice) Come in. I've been waiting for you. </p>
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<p>(Rachel enters.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi! I just wanna-(sees Monica)-Ahhh!!! Oh my God! (She runs out in
|
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horror.) Oh my God!</p>
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|
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (pulling on a robe) Okay, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I-I-I was um, I was
|
||||
taking a nap.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Since when do take naps in <b>that</b> position. Oh God Monica, tell me
|
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you were waiting for a guy! Please tell me you were waiting for a guy!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes. Yes, I was. A guy. From work. (Thinks) I'm seeing a guy from work!
|
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Ha!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (Gasps) That cute waiter guy from your restaurant, the one that looks
|
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like a non-threatening Ray Liotta?</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Uh-huh, that one!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Y'know what, just give me a second and I'll be out of your hair. I'm
|
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just gonna grab a jacket. When I get back, I want every little detail. (There's a knock on
|
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the door.) Maybe that's him. (Goes to answer the door.)</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (Panicking) Okay, umm, okay, umm<6D> (Rachel opens the door.) It's
|
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just Joey and Ross.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Why aren't you guys at the movie?</p>
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, we were! But Ross was talking so loud on his phone they threw us
|
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out!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I had to talk loud because the movie was loud!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (to Monica and Rachel) He's talking to London!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Monica:</b> But why?! Did he get in touch with Emily?</p>
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well no, not yet. He's calling everyone on her side of the family hoping
|
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that someone will help him get in touch with her.</p>
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|
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (on phone) I-I-I don't care if I said some other girl's name you prissy,
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old twit!</p>
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ross! Way to suck up to the family.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering, happily, with a bottle of champagne, thinking that Monica
|
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is the only one there) Ha-ha-ha-(sees everyone)-enh-enh. I'm so glad you guys are all
|
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here! My office finally got wrinkle free fax paper!</p>
|
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|
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
|
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross, and Monica are
|
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eating breakfast.]</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering, wearing a tux) Hey!</p>
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|
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh no-no-no-no-no-no, vomit tux! No-no, vomit tux!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Don't worry, I had it dry-cleaned.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Vomit tux? Who vomited on<6F>y'know what, what you up to Joe?</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, I'm doing this telethon thing on TV and my agent got me a job as
|
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co-host!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh that's great!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> A little uh, good deed for PBS and a little TV exposure, now that's the
|
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kind of math Joey likes to do!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ugh, PBS!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What's wrong with PBS?</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ugh, what's <b>right</b> with them?</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Why don<6F>t you like PBS, Pheebs?</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, 'cause right after my mom killed herself, I was just in this
|
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really bad place, y'know personally. So, I just thought that it'd make me feel better if I
|
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wrote to <i>Sesame Street</i>, 'cause they were so nice when I was a little kid! No one
|
||||
ever wrote back.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well y'know a lot of those Muppets don't have thumbs.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All I got was a lousy key chain! And by that time I was living in a box.
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I didn't have keys!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I'm sorry Pheebs, I just, y'know, I just wanted to do a good deed.
|
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Like-like you did with the babies.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> This isn't a good deed, you just wanted to get on TV! This is totally
|
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selfish.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What about you, having those babies for your brother?
|
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Talk about selfish!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What-what are you talking about?!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, yeah, it was a really nice thing and all, but it made you feel
|
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really good right?</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah. So?</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> It made <b>you</b> feel good, so that makes it selfish. Look, there's no
|
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unselfish good deeds, sorry.</p>
|
||||
|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes there are! There are totally good deeds that are selfless.</p>
|
||||
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, may I ask for one example?</p>
|
||||
|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, it's<> Y'know there's<>no you may not!</p>
|
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|
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<p>(They are standing on either side of Chandler as they discuss the point. Chandler,
|
||||
meanwhile, is disgusted with the whole argument.)</p>
|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> That's because all people are selfish.</p>
|
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|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Are you calling me selfish?!</p>
|
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|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Are you calling you people? (Chandler rolls his eyes.) Yeah, well sorry to
|
||||
burst that bubble, Pheebs, but selfless good deeds don't exist. Okay? And you the deal on
|
||||
Santa Clause right?</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I'm gonna find a selfless good dead. I'm gonna beat you, you evil
|
||||
genius.</p>
|
||||
|
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<p>(Ross's phone rings and he answers it.)</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (on phone) Hello.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Emily:</b> (on phone from London) Hello, Ross?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Emily? Emily! Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Emily! (He picks up a lamp and
|
||||
hands it to Chandler, for no reason.) It's Emily everyone! Shush-shush-shhst! (to Emily)
|
||||
Hi!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Emily:</b> Ross, I'm only ringing to say stop harassing my relatives. Good-bye!</p>
|
||||
|
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No wait! Look, wait! Okay, you can hang up, but I'm gonna keep calling!
|
||||
I'm gonna, I'm gonna call everyone in England if that's what it takes to get you to talk
|
||||
to me!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Emily:</b> Really? About what?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Look you're my wife. We're-we're married. Y'know? I-I love you. I-I really
|
||||
miss you.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Emily:</b> I miss you to. Well, at least I think I do.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (to the gang, whispering) She's talking.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>All:</b> (subdued) Yay! (He motions for them to keep quiet, including Chandler who
|
||||
is still holding the lamp Ross handed him, before he goes off to talk to Emily in
|
||||
private.)</p>
|
||||
|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey, Joey, when you said the deal with Santa Clause, you meant?</p>
|
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|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> That he doesn't exist.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Right. (She turns and opens her eyes in shock.)</p>
|
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|
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> So Chandler, have you heard about Monica's secret boyfriend?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Uhh, yeah. She uh, she uh, she uh might've mentioned him.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> So Mon, when are we gonna meet this new secret waiter man?</p>
|
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|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ohh, he's really shy. I-I don<6F>t think he's up to meeting everyone
|
||||
yet.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I don't think he's up to meeting everyone yet.</p>
|
||||
|
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don<6F>t care! I wanna meet this guy who's the best sex she ever
|
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had!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Chandler is quite pleased with that statement.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Really?! That's what you heard? (To Monica) You said that?</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I might've said that. (Chandler laughs.) Why is that funny?</p>
|
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|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Because I'm very happy for him! (To Monica) And <b>you</b>, you lucky
|
||||
dog!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hi!</p>
|
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, Emily's willing to work on the relationship.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Monica:</b> That's great!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Ross:</b> In London!</p>
|
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|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?!</p>
|
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|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> She wants me to move to London.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Monica:</b> But you live here! (Ross rolls his eyes.) You know that.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What-what-what are you gonna do?</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I bet if I talk to Carol and Susan I can convince them to move to London
|
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with Ben.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, I'm sure your ex-wife will be more than happy to move to another
|
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country so you can patch things up with your new wife.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Ross:</b> It could happen.</p>
|
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|
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<p>[Scene: Unitel Video, Studio 55, Joey's telethon, he is being shown around by the stage
|
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director.]</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (To the pledge volunteers) How ya doin'? Welcome. Good to see ya!</p>
|
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|
||||
<p><b>Stage Director:</b> This will be your phone.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> That's great. But uh, I'm not really expecting a lot of calls.</p>
|
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|
||||
<p><b>Stage Director:</b> No you answer it and take pledges.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> But I'm the host!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Stage Director:</b> No, Gary Collins is the host. You'll be answering the phones.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> You don't seem to understand. See, I was Dr. Drake Remoray.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Stage Director:</b> Well, here's your phone doctor. (She walks away.)</p>
|
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|
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are there.]</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I cannot believe I can't find a selfless good deed! Y'know that old guy
|
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that lives next to me? Well, I snuck over there and-and raked up all the leaves on his
|
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front stoop. But he caught me and force-fed me cider and cookies. Then I felt wonderful.
|
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That old jackass!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Maybe Joey's right. Maybe all good deeds are selfish.</p>
|
||||
|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I will find a selfless good deed! 'Cause I just gave birth to three
|
||||
children and I will not let them be raised in a world where Joey is right!</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering) Hey, Monica? Can I ask you a cooking question?</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Sure!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> If you're cooking on the stove, does that mean that your new secret
|
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boyfriend is better in bed than Richard?</p>
|
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|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Chandler! (Pause) Is he?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, y'know I-I-I think I'm gonna respect the privacy of my new secret
|
||||
boyfriend.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why?! I mean if this guy was <b>me</b> and it was <b>me</b> who had
|
||||
learned that it was <b>me</b> who was the best you'd ever had, I'd be going like this. (He
|
||||
jumps up onto the table and starts doing his happy dance.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's on the phone with Emily.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> All right Emily, as much as I love you, I'm sorry, I can't move to London
|
||||
without Ben.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Emily:</b> I understand that would be difficult.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, would you <b>please</b> consider moving here? I mean you were gonna
|
||||
move here anyway, why can't you just do that?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Emily:</b> I don't know, it's just<73></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh-oh-okay, but-but <b>I</b> know, that even though I've been a-a complete
|
||||
idiot up 'til now, I mean, I mean you-you-you have to come here. You have to come here so
|
||||
we can work this out.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Emily:</b> All right.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> All right, did you just say all right?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Emily:</b> I did. Now I'm the idiot.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, Emily that is, that is so great. It's gonna be so great! We're gonna
|
||||
be like-like-like two idiots in love!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(She laughs.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Emily:</b> Ross, there's one thing that really scares me still.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes, tell me.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Emily:</b> Well, you have to understand how humiliating it was for me up on that
|
||||
altar in front of my entire family, all my friends.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I know. I am, I am so sorry.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Emily:</b> And then after decided to forgive you, seeing you at the airport catching
|
||||
our plane with her.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Again, very sorry.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Emily:</b> I mean, I can't-I can't be in the same room as her! It drives me mad just
|
||||
thinking of you being in the same room as her!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Emily, there is <b>nothing</b> between Rachel and me. Okay? I love you.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Emily:</b> All right. I'll come to New York and we'll try and make this work.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh that is so great! That's<></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Emily:</b> (interrupting him) As long as you don't see Rachel anymore.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is telling Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler about Emily's
|
||||
ultimatum.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> So I asked Emily if she would come to New York, and she said yes.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh-ohh!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Great!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No-no-no! Only if I promise never to see Rachel again.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Why?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?! You can't<>what did you tell her?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I told her I'd have to think about it. I mean, how the hell am I supposed
|
||||
to make this kind of a decision? (They're all quiet.) I'm <b>actually</b> asking you!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, you can't just not see Rachel anymore, she's one of your best
|
||||
friends.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah! But, he can't not exactly see Emily, I mean that's his wife.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> That's true!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, but you've known Rachel since High School and you cannot just cut
|
||||
her out of your life.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> <b>That's</b> true!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No, you cannot.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Thanks for the help, problem solved. (Wipes his hands.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(The phone rings.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (answering it) Hello.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (on phone) Hey Mon!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh hey Joey! We've been watching all day, when are you gonna be on TV?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> See, there was kind of a mix up in my agent's office, but I'm still on TV
|
||||
and that's good exposure. </p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (Looking at the TV) You're not on TV.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, uh, okay, how, how about now? (He waves his hand in front of the woman
|
||||
next to him and you can now see his arm on TV.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, there he is! There he is!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hello New York! (The woman bats his hand out of the way.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the chick and the duck are watching Emeril Live, a cooking
|
||||
show.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Emeril:</b> (on TV.) Now maybe you just like wanna but the whole duck in there! Who
|
||||
cares, y'know? Now I got the legs<67></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Chandler enters and sees what they're watching, panics, and runs to turn off the TV.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> How many times have I told you guys, you <b>never</b> watch the
|
||||
cooking channel!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering) Hi Chandler.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Uh, listen, I need that broiling pan that Joey borrowed the other day.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh that was yours? Uh, yeah, we used it when the duck was throwing up
|
||||
caterpillars. </p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> <i>William Sonoma</i>, fall catalog, Page 27.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Expect it in 4-6 weeks. (She starts to leave.) Umm, hey, umm, Joey's
|
||||
gonna be at the telethon for the rest of the day, we have the whole place to ourselves.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, so?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well I just, thought maybe you'd wanna book some time with the best
|
||||
you'd ever had.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know what, champ? I think I'll pass.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why? (She hops into the living room and imitates Chandler's happy
|
||||
dance.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What's your point?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: The Telethon, Joey's phone rings and he answers it.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (in a bored voice) PBS telethon.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (on phone from Central Perk) Hey Joey, I just wanted to let you know
|
||||
that I found a selfless good deed. I just went down to the park and I let a bee sting me.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What?! What good is that gonna do anybody?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, it helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee
|
||||
is happy and I am definitely not.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Now, y'know the bee probably died after he stung ya.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (Thinks for a moment.) Aw, dammit! (Slams the phone down.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Stage Director:</b> Back on in 30 seconds people!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Joey gets up and moves to the other end of his row to talk to the guy sitting there.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, excuse me, would you mind switching with me?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>PBS Volunteer:</b> Hey, no way, I'm in the shot man.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Come on man! You've been here all day!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>PBS Volunteer:</b> Yeah, I-I'm taking pledges here, eh?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Stage Director:</b> We're on in 3, 2, (points to Gary Collins.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Gary Collins:</b> Welcome back to our fall telethon. Now if you've been enjoying the
|
||||
performance of <i>Cirque Du Soleil</i>,<i> </i>(As he is speaking, Joey and the volunteer
|
||||
getting into a shoving match.) and you'd like to see more of the same kind of programming,
|
||||
it's very simple. All you have to do (Joey is knocked down.) is call in your pledge and at
|
||||
that time tell the operator, one of our volunteers, what kind of programming you'd like
|
||||
to<EFBFBD> (Just as the volunteer sits down, Joey pulls him to the ground.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe are cooking, Chandler is reading a
|
||||
magazine.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Okay, that's it. I cannot make this decision! It is <b>too</b>
|
||||
difficult, so I'm just gonna leave it entirely to the gods of fate. (He holds up and
|
||||
starts shaking a<>)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> A Magic Eight ball?! You can't be serious, you can't make this decision
|
||||
with a toy!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, it's not a toy.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I don't know what else to do. I mean, I either keep my wife and lose
|
||||
one of my-my-my best friends or I keep my friend and get divorced the second time before
|
||||
I'm 30! So-so if anyone has-has a better suggestion, let's hear it! 'Cause I-I got
|
||||
nothing! All right, don't be shy, any suggestion will do. (There are none.) Okay then.
|
||||
Here we go. Magic 8 Ball, should I never see Rachel again? (He turns it over and reads the
|
||||
answer) Ask again later. Later is not good enough. (He shakes it up again and reads the
|
||||
answer.) Ask again later. What the hell! This is broken! It-it is broken!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, let me see. (She grabs the 8 ball.) Will Chandler have sex
|
||||
tonight? (Reads the answer.) Don't count on it. Seems like it works to me.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: The Telethon, Joey answers his ringing phone.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (in an unenthusiastic voice) PBS Telethon.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (on phone) Hi Joey.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Pheebs!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> <b>I</b> would like to make a pledge. I would like to donate $200.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> $200? Are you sure Pheebs? I mean, after what <i>Sesame Street</i> did to
|
||||
ya?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I'm still mad at them but I also now that they bring happiness to
|
||||
lots of kids who's moms didn't kill themselves, so by supporting them, I'm doing a good
|
||||
thing, but I'm not <b>happy</b> about it. So there, a selfless good deed.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> And you don't a little good about donating the money?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, it sucks. I was saving up to buy a hamster.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> A hamster? What, those things are like 10 bucks.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, not the one I had my eye on.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Gary Collins:</b> (on TV.) It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total!
|
||||
Thank you viewers! The pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers<72>(He
|
||||
walks over to where Joey is sitting.) Oh boy! And may I say one of our sharpest dressed
|
||||
volunteers, (Joey stands up.) Mr. Joseph Tribbiani!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, look-look, Joey's on TV! Isn't that great? My pledge got Joey on TV!
|
||||
Oh that makes me feel<65>Oh no! (Realizes that her deed made her happy and therefore
|
||||
it's selfish and covers her mouth in horror.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later that day. Monica is coming out of the bathroom
|
||||
carrying her cleaning gear.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering) Look, maybe I got carried away before. But there's
|
||||
something you gotta know. If I'm the best, it's only because you've made me the best.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Keep talking.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I mean I was nothing before you. Call the other girls and ask. Which
|
||||
wouldn't take long. But when I'm with you, and we're together, OH<4F>MY<4D>GOD.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Really?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh-aw my God! Now, I understand if you never want to sleep with me
|
||||
again, but that would be wrong. We're too good! We owe it, to sex!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, if we owe it? (She throws down her cleaning stuff and jumps into
|
||||
his arms.) Oh my<6D> When is Joey gonna be home?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I was kinda hoping we could do this without him. (She starts to
|
||||
take off her latex gloves.) Oh no-no-no, leave the gloves on.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> But, I just cleaned the bathroom.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, why don't we lose the gloves.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah. (She takes them off.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(He carries her over to the door and opens it.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, let's show them how it's done.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(He starts to carry her into the hallway but hits her head on the door.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ow!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know that wasn't part of it?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I know!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(He carries her into the hall.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is prying at the Magic 8 Ball with a screwdriver as
|
||||
there's a knock on his door which he goes to answer.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering) Hi! Are you ready? We're gonna be late!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> For what?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> For Stella! Remember? She's gettin' her grove back in like 20 minutes.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, I uh, totally forgot about that. You mind if I take a rain check?
|
||||
I'm waiting for a call from Emily.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Sure. I guess. Hey, I hear you don't have to go to London. Yay!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> It's not that easy, there's still a lot of relationship stuff.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Like what?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Just stuff. Y'know kinda what Emily wants.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, why don't you talk to me about it, maybe I can help.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No. No. You-you can't help. I mean, I kinda have to do this without your
|
||||
help.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I-I know you can do that too. I'm just, I'm just saying if you
|
||||
need somebody to talk to<74> Hi!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Thanks.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross? Look, whatever this relationship stuff that Emily wants, just give
|
||||
it to her. Come on, the bottom line here is that you love her. So just fix whatever she
|
||||
wants fixed. Just do it. (The phone starts ringing.) I mean, you're gonna <b>have</b> to
|
||||
try. You'll just gonna hate yourself if you don't. (The phone keeps ringing.) Oh come on
|
||||
answer it! It's driving me crazy!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (answering the phone.) Hello. (Listens) Hi sweetie. (Listens.) Good. Look
|
||||
umm, yes I've been thinking about that thing that you wanted me to do and, I can do it.
|
||||
(Rachel gives him a thumbs up.) So will you come to New York? (Rachel wants to know what
|
||||
she said, and he gives her a thumbs up and she goes over and hugs him. All the time not
|
||||
knowing what's going on.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, ??????? is playing, as Chandler peaks his head out of the storage
|
||||
closet and sneaks back to his seat and pretends he's reading something. Then a short while
|
||||
later Monica pokes her head out of the closet and sneaks back to her seat and sits down,
|
||||
pretending as if nothing has happened.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Never done that before.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Nope.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<hr>
|
||||
|
||||
<p align="center"><!--webbot bot="ImageMap" startspan
|
||||
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|
||||
rectangle="(68,1) (127, 80) http://thecfsi.com/season5.htm"
|
||||
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|
||||
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|
||||
bot="ImageMap" i-checksum="62329" endspan --></p>
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
</body></html>
|
Reference in New Issue
Block a user