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Data/Friends/ToConvert/The One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner.html
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Data/Friends/ToConvert/The One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner.html
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<!-- saved from url=(0054)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season3/314pexp.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="white" text="black" link="green" vlink="black" alink="yellow" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With Phoebe<62>s Ex-Partner</h1>
|
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|
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<hr align="center">
|
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|
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<p>Written by: Wil Calhoun<br>
|
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a> </p>
|
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|
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<hr>
|
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<font size="3">
|
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|
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<p align="left">[Scene: Central Perk, the gang, except Rachel, is watching a new singer.]</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Singer:</b> (singing) <20>Cause every time I see your face, I can<61>t help but
|
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fall from grace. I know.....</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Wow! This girl is good.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh-ho yeah! A song with rhyming words. Oo, I never thought of that
|
||||
before.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I like her.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (to Chandler) Why? Because she can sing and play guitar and do both at
|
||||
the same time?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, that<61>s pretty much all I<>m looking for from these
|
||||
people.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (to Phoebe) Look at you. All jealous.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah Pheebs, come on, you two have completely different styles. Y'know,
|
||||
she<EFBFBD>s more..(shakes his shoulders, like he<68>s dancing) y'know, and you<6F>re
|
||||
more (sees the look from Phoebe and stops)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Singer:</b> (singing) beside meeeee-eeee-ee. (everyone applauds her).</p>
|
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|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, see, see, everyone else is happy she<68>s done.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Singer:</b> Okay, my next song<6E>s called: Phoebe Buffay, What Can I Say. I
|
||||
Really Loved When We Were Singing Partners, And I Shouldn<64>t Have Left You That Way.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(The gang all looks at Phoebe.)</p>
|
||||
|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh no, one of those <20>look for the hidden meaning<6E> songs.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p align="center"><b>Opening Credits</b></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, later.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Singer:</b> Hey Phoebe.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey Leslie, how<6F>d you know I<>d be here?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Leslie:</b> I ran into Vlad at the place where they sell the big fish, and he said
|
||||
you played here a lot, so umm....</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Ross) All right listen, I have to go to the bathroom, but if the
|
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place with the big fish comes up again. I<>d like know whether that<61>s several big
|
||||
fish or just one big fish.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (to Leslie) So ah, Phoebe tells us you write jingles.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Actually I said she abandoned me to write jingles.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (to Leslie) Ah, anything we might of heard of?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Leslie:</b> Ah, yeah, umm. (singing) Home is never far away..</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica, Ross, and Joey:</b> (joining in) Home is Home Star stew.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Leslie:</b> Yeah, but, I don<6F>t do that anymore. I got kinda sick of it, and
|
||||
then I couldn<64>t come up with anything good, so they fired me.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hmm, bummer.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Leslie:</b> Well, I y'know, I was just, umm, I was just thinking and hoping, that
|
||||
umm, maybe you<6F>d want to get back together?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No. But thanks.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Leslie:</b> Aw come on Phoebe would you just think about it?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. No. But thanks.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Leslie:</b> Okay, ah, see ya Pheebs. (leaves)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (to Phoebe) Wow, that was kinda brutal.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well okay, let this be a lesson to all of you, all right. Once you, once
|
||||
you betray me, I become like the ice woman, y<>know. Very cold, hard, unyielding,
|
||||
y'know nothing, <b>nothing</b> can penetrate this icy exterior. (to Monica) Can I have a
|
||||
tissue, please?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, sure.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Outside the bathroom, Chandler is pacing back and fourth, waiting is use it.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Gunther:</b> (to Chandler) Someone in there?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No. This is just part of a dare devil game that I play called
|
||||
<EFBFBD>wait until the last moment before I burst and die.<2E></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(The door opens.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Jeez, man did you fall..(sees it<69>s a beautiful woman coming out
|
||||
of the men<65>s room) Hi! So ah, did ya, did-did-did ya fall high?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Woman:</b> Someone was in the lady's room, I couldn<64>t wait. I left the lid up
|
||||
for ya though.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Gunther walks up)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Gunther) Y'know what Gunther, go ah, go ahead, I<>m-I<>m
|
||||
talking to ah, (tries to get her to say her name). (to her) This is the part where you say
|
||||
your name.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Woman:</b> Ginger.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ginger. I<>m talking to Ginger, so.... </p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ginger:</b> Don<6F>t you have to use the bathroom?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Nope, nope, I<>d just ah, I<>d rather talk to you. (pause)
|
||||
Yes, I do. Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom. (knocks on the door)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Gunther:</b> Someone in here.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, the gang<6E>s putting their coats on to leave.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Where<72>s Chandler?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ah, he can<61>t make it, he said he had to his... (sees Ginger) Whoa-oh!
|
||||
(hides behind the coat rack.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ginger:</b> Joey? Joey Tribbiani? </p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(She walks over behind the coat rack, but Joey picks it up and moves it so that
|
||||
he<EFBFBD>s still behind it, and she can<61>t see him.) </p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ginger:</b> Joey I can see you okay? You<6F>re hiding behind the coats.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Joey puts his finger over his mouth to tell Ross to keep quiet. Ginger looks at Monica
|
||||
who looks away and leave.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Phew, close one.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Rachel<65>s office, Mark is packing his stuff into a box.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi, sweetie!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hello. </p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Mark:</b> Hi, Ross.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, huh. </p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I<>ve got some bad news.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I can get a quick bite to eat, but then I have to come back up here.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Come on sweetie! You<6F>ve had to work late every night for the past two
|
||||
weeks, what is it this time?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Mark:</b> Actually, it<69>s kinda my fault. I-I quit today.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Rachel) But work comes first! (to Mark) Oh hey, but that<61>s sad
|
||||
about you though, what happened? Burn out? Burn all out, did ya?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Nooo, he<68>s leaving for a better job.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh well that<61>s great, so I guess this is ah, this is good bye then.
|
||||
Huh? (picks a pad up off Rachel<65>s desk and tosses it into his box) Good bye.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Mark:</b> Okay, then.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well we<77>re gonna miss you around here.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Mark:</b> Yeah, me too.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Rachel goes to hug him but Ross is holding one of her hands and doesn<73>t let go,
|
||||
so she can only put one arm around him.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Mark:</b> So, see ya on Saturday.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, you bet.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Ross is shocked, but Rachel drags him out of the office.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are playing with a Ouija board,
|
||||
Phoebe<EFBFBD>s beeper goes off and Monica screams.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh. (takes her beeper puts in a pot, covers it, and puts the pot in the
|
||||
oven)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know those are a delicacy in India.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, that was Leslie calling again to see if we can get back together.
|
||||
That<EFBFBD>s the twentieth time today! And good luck Leslie!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wow, she must have hurt you pretty bad, huh?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, yeah. Y'know, we were best friends, ever since we were little, our
|
||||
Moms worked on the barge together.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, you two must have been so cute running around on a barge.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You <b>never</b> run on a barge!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe and Monica:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Is ah, is Chandler around?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No, umm, he met some girl at the coffee house.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oooh.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, Ginger something.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Nooo. No, no, ah, are you sure it wasn<73>t something that sounded like
|
||||
Ginger, like ah, Gingeer?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No, it was Ginger. I remember, because when he told me, I said,
|
||||
(singing) <20>the movie star.<2E></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Aww, man. That<61>s the girl I was hiding from. When she finds out
|
||||
he<EFBFBD>s my roommate, she<68>s gonna tell him what I did.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, what did you do?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What, oh, oh, oh, no, no, I can<61>t, I can<61>t tell you that,
|
||||
it<EFBFBD>s like the most awful, horrible thing I<>ve ever done my whole life.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know what, don<6F>t tell us. We<57>ll just wait until Chandler
|
||||
gets home, (to Phoebe) because it<69>ll be more fun that way.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right!! Okay, it was like four years ago. Okay, Ginger and I had gone
|
||||
out a few times, and then this one weekend, we went up to her Dad<61>s cabin. Just me,
|
||||
her, and her annoying little dog Pepper. Well that night, I cooked this really romantic
|
||||
dinner....</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You gave her food poisoning!?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I wish. No. After dinner, me, her, and Pepper all fell asleep in front of
|
||||
the fire. Well I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw that the fire was dying out.
|
||||
So, I picked up a log and threw it on. Or, at least what I thought was a log.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God!! You threw Pepper on the fire!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I wish. See, I guess another thing I probably should<6C>ve told you
|
||||
about Ginger is that she kinda has a ah, artificial leg.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Phoebe and Monica both stand up and gasp.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God! Joey, what did you do after you threw her leg on the fire?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I ran!!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: A street, Chandler is kissing Ginger.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, that<61>s the best kiss I<>ve had with anyone I<>ve
|
||||
ever met in a men<65>s room.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ginger:</b> Actually, me too.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (sees her foot is in a slush puddle) Op, foot in a puddle, foot all in
|
||||
a puddle.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ginger:</b> Oh damn, I hate that.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, we<77>re gonna have to get you out of those shoes.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ginger:</b> Oh, don<6F>t worry about it.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, really you<6F>re gonna freeze.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ginger:</b> No, I<>m not.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You<6F>re not, what do you, what do you got a bionic foot?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ginger:</b> Some day, maybe.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Ross<73>s bedroom, Rachel getting into bed while Ross is reading and laughs.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Funny book?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hmmm. Oh, no, no, I just thinking about something funny I heard today.
|
||||
Umm, Mark, Mark saying <20>I<EFBFBD>ll see you Saturday.<2E></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, at the lecture, I told you that last week, you said you
|
||||
didn<EFBFBD>t mind.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, no, no, no, it<69>s-it<69>s not the lecture ah, I mind, umm....</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, please tell me it<69>s not because I<>m going with Mark.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, well...</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God!!! Ross!!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I<>m sorry, but ah, look if you<6F>re not working with him
|
||||
anymore, why do you have to still do stuff with him?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Because, he<68>s my friend.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, but do you really need another friend? I mean...</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, well if I stop playing with Joey and Chandler, can I play with
|
||||
Mark?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Is that funny? Am I supposed to be laughing?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don<6F>t know, you thought <20>See you Saturday<61> was funny.
|
||||
Look honey, Mark is in fashion okay, I like having a friend that I can share this stuff
|
||||
with. You guys would never want to go to a lecture with me.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Pa-haa!! I would love to go with you.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Really!?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, hey I-I have clothes, I even pick them out. I mean for, for all you
|
||||
know I could be a fashion..... monger.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. Honey, I would love for you to go with me. (Ross has a worried
|
||||
look on his face) What?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What should I wear, now I<>m all nervous.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is looking at her beeper still in the pot. She
|
||||
takes it out, shakes it, and puts it back in.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know they say a watched pot never beeps.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It<49>s just y'know, been a couple of hours, and she hasn<73>t
|
||||
called. Not that I even care, y'know.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Phoebe why don<6F>t you just call her? You obviously want to.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You think you know me so well.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, don<6F>t <20>cha wanna?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, well I do know you.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That<61>s what I said.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well so?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I can<61>t. I can<61>t. She dumped me, I mean I totally trusted her
|
||||
and then one day it was <20>Okay, bye Pheebs<62> gone. Y'know what the saddest part
|
||||
is, when we were playing together, that was like the most fun I<>ve ever had in like
|
||||
all my lives.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Leslie is singing.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Leslie:</b> (singing) My best shoes, so good to me. I wear them everyday. Down at
|
||||
the heel, holes in the toes. Don<6F>t care what people say. My feet<65>s best friends,
|
||||
pals to the end. With them I<>m one hot chicky. Though late one night, not much light,
|
||||
I....</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Phoebe runs in and joins her.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (singing) I stepped in something icky.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe and Leslie:</b> (singing) Sticky shoes, sticky shoes, always make me smile.
|
||||
Sticky shoes, sticky shoes, next time I<>ll.... avoid the..... pillleeeee.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p align="center"><b>Commercial Break</b></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: The lecture, Rachel is listening closely, Ross is bored out of his mind.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Lecturer:</b> We<57>re beginning to see a lot of layering of sheer fabrics and
|
||||
colours. For instance a sheer navy blouse over a pink....</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Rachel) I<>m really glad we came. (Rachel smiles and rubs his arm)
|
||||
You<EFBFBD>re so pretty. I love you.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh. (puts her hand over his mouth)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is teaching Leslie how to sing Smelly Cat.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (singing) Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat,
|
||||
smelly cat, it<69>s not your fault.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Leslie:</b> Wow, that<61>s great.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, yeah!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Leslie:</b> Y'know you could totally sell this. It<49>d be perfect for like umm, a
|
||||
kitty litter campaign.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I..., a jingle? No, no-no-no, no.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Leslie:</b> What? Why not? You could make a ton of money.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, well if I was in this for the money, I<>d be a millionaire by
|
||||
now, y'know. You just got to get out of that jingle head sweetie.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Leslie:</b> Aw, you<6F>re right, you<6F>re right. I<>m sorry.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That<61>s okay. All right, I<>m gonna play song that<61>s
|
||||
really, really sad. It<49>s called Magician Box Mix Up. (she turns her guitar upside
|
||||
down to play it.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: The lecture, Ross is passed out against Rachel<65>s shoulder.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Lecturer:</b> ....oversized bracelets, oversized earrings, oversizing of accessories
|
||||
in general are very popular now.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Ross wakes up with a start and startles Rachel. The guy next to him starts laughing,
|
||||
which starts Ross laughing, Rachel gives him a look and he stops.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading the newspaper.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering) Hi!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, can I borrow this? (points to his milk) My milk<6C>s gone bad.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, I hate that. I once had a thing of half and half, stole my car.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So umm, how was your date with Ginger?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Great. It was great. She<68>s ah, she<68>s great, great looking,
|
||||
great personality, she<68>s greatness.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Sounds like she<68>s got the ah, whole package.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Joey told you about the leg, huh?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Uh-huh.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh God, it freaked me out. Okay, I know it shouldn<64>t have, but it
|
||||
did. I mean I like her, I don<6F>t want to stop seeing her, but every so often it<69>s
|
||||
like <20>Hey, y'know what, where<72>s your leg?<3F> I mean I<>m the smallest
|
||||
person in the world aren<65>t I? I<>m the smallest person in the world.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering from his bedroom) Morning.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Monica) Actually he<68>s the smallest person in the world.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (to Chandler) Heard about the leg burnin<69> huh?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> It came up.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Listen, I ah, I know it<69>s a longshot. But, by any chance did she find
|
||||
that funny?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Both Chandler and Monica walk away in disgust.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are getting back from the lecture.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) So I nodded off a little.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Nodded off!! Ross you were snoring. My father<65>s boat didn<64>t
|
||||
make that much noise when it hit rocks!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Come on! Forty-five minutes! Forty-five minutes the man talked about
|
||||
strappy backed dresses.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well okay, how about four hours in a freezing museum auditorium
|
||||
listening to Professor Pitstains and he<68>s <20>Hey everybody! Remember that thing
|
||||
that<EFBFBD>s been dead for a gazillion years. Well there<72>s this little bone we
|
||||
didn<EFBFBD>t know it had!<21></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> First of all it<69>s Professor Pittain! And second of all, that little
|
||||
bone, proved that, that particular dinosaur had wings, but didn<64>t fly.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, see now, what I just heard: blah-blah-blah,
|
||||
blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, blah-blah-blah, blah, blah.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Y'know what, 100 million people went to see a movie about what I do, I
|
||||
wonder how many people would go see a movie called, Jurassic Parka.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, that is so...</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No-no-no, a bunch of out of control jackets take over an island. (Makes an
|
||||
unusual sound, then he realises that he still has his jacket on and quickly tries to shake
|
||||
it off, thinking it<69>s alive and attacking him.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Y'know if what I do is so lame, then why did you insist on coming with
|
||||
me this morning? Huh? Was it so I just wouldn<64>t go with Mark?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No. I... I wanted to be with you. I don<6F>t know, I feel like lately, I
|
||||
feel like you<6F>re slipping away from me, y'know. With this new job, and all these new
|
||||
people, and you<6F>ve got this whole other life going on. I-I-I know it<69>s dumb, but
|
||||
I hate that I<>m not a part of it.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It<49>s not dumb. But, maybe it<69>s okay that you<6F>re not a
|
||||
part of it. Y'know what I mean? (Ross looks confused) I mean it<69>s like, I-I-I like
|
||||
that you<6F>re not involved in that part of my life.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That<61>s a little clearer.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Honey see, it doesn<73>t mean that I don<6F>t love you. Because I
|
||||
do. I love you, I love you so much. But my work it<69>s-it<69>s for me y'know,
|
||||
I<EFBFBD>m out there, on my own, and I<>m doing it and it<69>s scary but I love it,
|
||||
because it<69>s mine. I, but, I mean is that okay?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Sure, I-I-I... (hugs her and mouths No!!)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Ginger are eating dinner.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ginger:</b> Your thinking about my leg aren<65>t you?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No. No. Actually I forgot, what is the deal with that again?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ginger:</b> It<49>s okay if it bothers you. Really. I mean the only thing I need
|
||||
to know is: <20>How much it bothers you?<3F> because I don<6F>t like wasting my
|
||||
time. Am I wasting my time?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No. No. I don<6F>t think so.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ginger:</b> Okay. It<49>s just like anything else, you just have to get used to
|
||||
it.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(They start making out. She opens his shirt and feels inside and stops.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ginger:</b> What<61>s that?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> That<61>s-that<61>s my nubbin.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ginger:</b> What<61>s a nubbin?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> It<49>s kinda a ah, a third nipple kinda thing.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ginger:</b> You have three nipples?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, y'know two regulars. And ah one that barely qualifies as...
|
||||
(starts to kiss her again, but she gets up.) Ahh, what?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ginger:</b> Nothing. I, I just remembered I have to leave.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You ah, you have, you have to leave, now? How come?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ginger:</b> Ah well, it<69>s nubbin. Nothing! Umm. Y'know what, I<>ll see you
|
||||
later. Okay. (She leaves and in the hall we see her shake her shoulders like when someone
|
||||
runs their fingernails across a blackboard.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing as Leslie enters.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (to Leslie) Oh, I thought you weren<65>t coming. What? Where were you?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Leslie:</b> Come here, come here. (they go to the side of the stage) Okay,
|
||||
don<EFBFBD>t get mad, okay.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, don<6F>t give me a reason to get mad, okay</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Leslie:</b> I played Smelly Cat for the people at my old ad agency, they went nuts.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, look, I told you that I didn<64>t want you to try and sell it, and
|
||||
you just, you big fat did it anyway. God, y'know what, I think five years ago I probably
|
||||
would<EFBFBD>ve done anything to play with you but, I can do it by myself. And if I
|
||||
can<EFBFBD>t trust you then just forget it. </p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Leslie:</b> No, no, I don<6F>t want to forget it.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay y'know what you have to choose. All right, if-if the most important
|
||||
thing on the planet to you is this cat poopy thing then, okay you can have Smelly Cat, but
|
||||
we won<6F>t be partners. So what<61>s it gonna be?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe, Monica, and Joey are watching TV.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Commercial:</b> (in the background their singing Smelly Cat) Problem odour in the
|
||||
litter box? Don<6F>t change your kitty, change your kitty litter.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Monica gets up and shuts off the TV.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Sorry, Pheebs.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah. You okay?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah. I actually am, yeah. Y'know life-life<66>s gonna had you all
|
||||
kinds of stuff, y'know you learn your little lessons and hopefully you grow. Wanna hear a
|
||||
new song?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> We<57>d love too.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. (singing) <20>Jingle bitch screwed me over! Go to hell jingle
|
||||
whore! Go to hell Go to hell. Go to hell-hell-hell.<2E> That<61>s all I have so far.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p align="center"><b>Closing Credits</b></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang except Chandler is there.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering, happily) Well hello!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Where have you been?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> The doctor.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Is everything okay?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yes! Just had me a little nubbin-ectomy. Yep! Two nipples, no
|
||||
waiting.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wow! It<49>s like Rachel in High School.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Come on! Come on, I was kidding! It was such an obvious joke!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p align="left"><b>Chandler:</b> That was an obvious joke, and I didn<64>t think of it.
|
||||
Why didn<64>t I think of it? The source of all my powers. Oh dear God, what have I done!</p>
|
||||
</font>
|
||||
|
||||
<p align="center"><strong><font size="3">End</font></strong></p>
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
</body></html>
|
||||
Reference in New Issue
Block a user