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<title>The One With Rachel<65>s Big Kiss</title>
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<h1 align="center">The One With Rachel<65>s Big Kiss</h1>
<hr>
<p>Written by: Shana Goldberg-Meehan and Scott Silveri<br>
Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
<hr>
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is
sitting on the chair, and they<65>re all talking.] </p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey! Out of all of us, who do you think is gonna get married next?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Probably Monica and Chandler.</p>
<p>(A woman walks up to Gunther in the background.)</p>
<p><strong>Woman:</strong> (to Gunther) Hi. Could I have a pack of <i>Newport Lights</i>,
please?</p>
<p><b>Gunther:</b> Oh umm, uh we don<6F>t sell cigarettes, but they have them at the
newsstand across the street. (Points.)</p>
<p><strong>Woman:</strong> That<61>d be great, thanks. (Gunther goes and gets them.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (to the gang) Oh my God, Melissa Warburton. I don<6F>t think I have
the energy for this.</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> (Gasps when she notices Rachel) Oh my God! Ray-ray Green?! (Screams)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (screaming) Melissa!</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> You have been M.I.A for the past seven sorority newsletters,
what<EFBFBD>s up with you?!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wh<57>(Turns and looks at the gang who<68>s staring)<29>Why
don<EFBFBD>t I tell you over here? (She walks Melissa away from the gang.)</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> So last I heard you were gonna get married. (Grabs Rachel<65>s hand
and notices that she doesn<73>t have a ring on it.) (Sadly) Oh poor Ray-ray.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh no-no, no! It<49>s good! It<49>s all good! I-I actually work at <i>Ralph
Lauren</i>!</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> Shut up!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I will not! I<>m the divisional head of men<65>s sportswear!</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> Oh shut up more! Now, are you friends with Ralph?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh please<73></p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> (excitedly) Are you?!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No.</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> Listen, we-we have to have dinner. What-what are you doing tomorrow
night?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh tomorrow, oh I don<6F>t know. Um<55></p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> You do now. You<6F>re having dinner with me.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Shut up.</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> I-I<>ve got to go. This has been so great Ray-ray! (Gunther returns
with her cigarettes.) Oh, there you are. (Takes them from Gunther.) (To Rachel) Umm, so
listen, just call me. Here<72>s my card. (Hands the card over.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, wow thanks! (Reading the card) Oh you<6F>re in real estate!</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> Oh no, that<61>s-that<61>s an old card. Umm, I wanted to get out of
that and-and do something where I can really help people and-and make a difference.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wow! What do you do now?</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> (quietly) I<>m a party planner. I<>ll see you tomorrow.
(Exits.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay! (Joins the rest of the gang.)</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey guys! Look who<68>s back! It<49>s Ray-ray!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Shut up, that was my friend Melissa from college.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> She seems <b>really</b>, <b>really</b> fun!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> She<68>s actually very sweet and we used to be very close.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wait a minute, she isn<73>t<EFBFBD> She<68>s not the one who you<6F></p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (excitedly) Who you what? Who you what?!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (To Monica) Yes.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wow!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (excitedly) Wow? Wow what?! Wow what?! Who you<6F>what?!!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It<49>s not a big deal!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> (To Joey) They were lovers.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> What?!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No we weren<65>t! It was nothing! It was one night, senior year we
went to a party, had a <b>lot</b> of sangria and y<>know, ended up<75>kissing for a
bit.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> So that<61>s two of my wives.</p>
<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is working on the seating chart while Chandler
looks on and Rachel reads.]</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> (telling Chandler the seating arrangement) Okay, so this is where the
band is. (Points.) And this is where the bar is. (Points) And all these pins have
people<EFBFBD>s names on them. (She has pins to show the seating at each of the tables.) And
Rach, here you are. (Points to Rachel<65>s place.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh wow. Why don<6F>t we just take me (Grabs her pin) and put me with a
Manhattan in my hand, talking to the cute bartender. (Puts her pin at the bar and laughs.
Monica just glares at her.) These pins aren<65>t for playing are they?</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> (To Chandler) Okay, the red ones are my guests and the blue ones are
yours.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> This is so sad. I mean, I only have like ten pins.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Chandler, relax it<69>s not a contest. (To Rachel) Certainly not a
close one.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hello!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Rach. (Stares at her.) </p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Stop picturing it!!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, I think that<61>s it. The seating chart is done. This is our
wedding. They all look like they<65>re having fun don<6F>t they?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, so where are my parents gonna be?</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh! (Gets up) Let<65>s see, well<6C>if this is the wedding hall then
umm (Walks away) you<6F>re parents will be at home in Queens.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> What, they<65>re not invited?! Oh no, that<61>s terrible! They<65>re
gonna be crushed!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why would they think they<65>re invited?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (looking around) You got me. I don<6F>t<EFBFBD></p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Joey!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, I<>m sorry. I thought parents were coming! Y<>know? Your
parents are comin<69>! Chandler<65>s parents are comin<69>! Ross<73>s parents are
comin<EFBFBD>!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ross<73>s parents are <b>my</b> parents!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well-well<6C>see? Parents are comin<69>!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y<>know I think we should invite them.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh please, you just want more blue pins.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well this is just sad!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, all right. Maybe I can fit them in if I just do some
rearranging. But uh, Rachel may actually have to sit at the bar!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> That is not a problem.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (leaning down to her) Maybe you<6F>ll order a little sangria?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, get out of here! (Jumps back and walks away.)</p>
<p>[Scene: <i>Ralph Lauren</i>, Rachel is showing Chandler the selection of tuxedos.]</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (motioning to a rack) So now, these are all the tuxedos that we make and
if there<72>s anything that you like, we can make you a deal. Anything at all. (Grabs a
few) But these are the three that Monica pre-approved.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, thanks a lot for hookin<69> me up Rach. I want you to know
that I want you to attend our wedding as my guest.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I<>m Monica<63>s maid of honor. Okay? Don<6F>t try to blue pin
me!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (sees another rack) Well, what<61>s the deal with these? These-these
look nice.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh they are nice. We-we custom-make tuxedos for celebrities and then
when they<65>re done with them they just send <20>em back.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You mean like for award shows?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Some of them.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You mean these tuxes have been down the red carpet with people
yelling, "Who are you wearing?! You look fabulous!"</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Honey, might I suggest watching a little more <i>ESPN </i>and a little
less <i>E!</i>?</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, who wore those? (Points to the tuxedos.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Umm, well let<65>s see uh, this one is Tom Brokaw.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Not bad.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (reading a tag) This one is uh Paul O<>Neil.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Who<68>s that?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> He plays for the Yankees. Seriously, <i>ESPN</i>! Just once and a while,
have it on in the background. (Chandler nods and Rachel grabs another tux) Ooh, this one
was Pierce Brosnan!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Pierce Brosnan?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh-huh.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Are you serious?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> 007?! This is James Bond<6E>s tux?!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, I have to get married in James Bond<6E>s tux!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It<49>s a pretty cool tux.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, it<69>s not just that, I would be England<6E>s most powerful
weapon. Jet setting heartbreaker on her majesty<74>s secret service. A man who fears no
one; with a license to kill. (Worried.) Would Monica let me wear this?</p>
<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Phoebe are moving chess pieces around on the board
and hitting the timer at random.]</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> We should really learn how to play the real way. (Moves another piece.)</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I like our way. Oh! (Grabs a piece and jumps a bunch of Joey<65>s like
in Checkers.) Chess!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Nice move.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> So Joey, I just hooked Ross and Chandler up with some tuxedos for the
wedding: do you need one?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> No, I<>m performing the ceremony. I<>m not wearing a tux.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, what are you going to wear?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Multi-colored robes! Ooh, and maybe a hat.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Huh. Does Monica know about this?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> I don<6F>t think so.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Can I please be there when you tell her? (Joey nods yes.)</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey oh, Rach wait! Do you want to go to a movie tonight?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, y<>know what? I can<61>t. I have to have dinner with that
Melissa girl.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (excitedly) Can I come?! I won<6F>t even talk! You<6F>ll just hear the
noise from my video camera.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What is this? What<61>s going on?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh good! Can I tell her?! Can I tell her?!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, do you want to hear what actually happened or Joey<65>s lewd
version?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Joey<65>s!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay<61></p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey, come on! I had this friend from college and I made the stupid
mistake of telling Joey that one time<6D>she and I y<>know<6F>kissed a little bit.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (laughs) Yeah, I<>m sure that happened.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It-it did!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Sure!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey. (Laughs, then seriously) It happened!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, it was senior year in college. It was after the Sigma Chi luau and
Melissa and I got very drunk! And we ended up kissing! For several minutes! </p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (To Joey) Which means she had a couple spritzers and a quick peck on the
cheek.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Why are you taking this away from me?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, why is it so hard for you to believe?!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay! I just<73>I didn<64>t know that you are a lesbian. (Joey
smiles and nods lewdly.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I<>m not saying that I<>m a lesbian! I<>m just saying that
this happened!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, it just seems pretty wild and you<6F>re so<73>y<EFBFBD>know
so<EFBFBD>vanilla.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (shocked) Vanilla?!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I<>m not vanilla! I<>ve done lots of crazy things! I mean I
got-I got drunk and married in Vegas!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> To Ross.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right, y<>know what? If you don<6F>t want to believe me about
this, why don<6F>t you just come with me to dinner tonight and she will tell you.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay! All right! Yeah! <20>Cause I just can<61>t picture it.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh-ho, you should get inside my head.</p>
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is on the couch reading as Ross enters carrying a
garment bag.]</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! Guess what I got for your wedding! (Holding up his garment bag.)</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> A freakish thin date with a hanger for her head?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> No. Rachel hooked me up with a tux! But not just any tux, Batman<61>s
tux!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> That<61>s right! Made expressly for Val Kilmer and worn by him in the
hit film<6C>that Batman film he was in.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You can<61>t wear that! I<>m wearing the famous tux! James
Bond<EFBFBD>s tux!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> So?</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So<53>If you wear that you<6F>ll make mine less special.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, you need something to make this day special? Hello! You-you-you have
the most special thing of all! <b>You</b> are marrying the woman you love.</p>
<p>(Chandler mimics him.)</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Please, don<6F>t take away my cool thing. Please?! Pretty please?!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Pretty please? Not very uh, 007.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, it<69>s my wedding day okay? If you were getting married I
would never do anything to upset you.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> When I got married you slept with my sister.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> <b>That</b> was pretty 007.</p>
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is still working on the seating chart as Joey
enters.]</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey. Oh good-good you<6F>re here! All right, I figured it out.
I<EFBFBD>m gonna take two tables of eight, I<>m gonna add your parents, and I<>m
gonna turn them into three tables of six. Okay? And I called the caterer; I added two
extra meals, we are good to go!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, they<65>re not coming.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> (looking at him) What?!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Somehow they got the idea that you only invited them because of me.
They<EFBFBD>feel a little unwanted.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh that<61>s too bad. It<49>s true, but too bad.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Look Mon, if you could just call my mom<6F></p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh Joey!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Come on! Look just-just tell<6C>let her know that you really want them
to be there. Let<65>s not forget, this is a woman that has sent you many lasagnas over
the years.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> No she hasn<73>t.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Is it her fault that some of them didn<64>t make it to you?</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, what am I going to say?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> I don<6F>t know. Just uh, just tell <20>em it was a mix-up with the
invitations, or<6F>No-no-no! Blame it on the post office. They <b>hate</b> the post
office. And the Irish! But I don<6F>t think you can blame it on them, so<73> (He dials
the phone and hands it to Monica.)</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Yeah, hi! Mrs. Tribbiani? (Listens) Hi, this
is Monica Geller. (Listens) Yeah I<>m just calling to say that Chandler and I uh,
really hope you can make it to the wedding. Yeah, apparently a bunch of invitations that
we sent weren<65>t delivered. Umm, I guess there was some screw up at the damn post
office! (Joey nods his approval.) (Listens) T-Tell me about it! (Listens) Yeah, yeah, the
US Post Office? No, more like US lost office! (Listens) What, are they Irish?! (Joey gives
her a thumbs up.)</p>
<p>[Scene: A restaurant, Melissa, Rachel, and Phoebe are talking.]</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> <20>anyway, his name is Allan and we<77>ve been going out for three
years. He was my first client when I became a party planner. He was planning a party for
his girlfriend at the time. Oh well. (Rachel and Phoebe politely laugh) And he was Theta
Beta Pi at Syracuse.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh. Oh, that<61>s great!</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> Hmm Phoebe, were you ever in a sorority?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Of course! Yeah, I was uh, umm Thigh Mega Tampon.</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> What one?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah! Y<>know, we were really huge too, but then they had to shut us
down when Regina Philange died of alcohol poisoning.</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> Oh, isn<73>t a shame when one girl ruins it for the whole bunch?
(Phoebe agrees by grunting.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (changing the subject) Anyway, speaking of drinking too much. I was uh,
tellin<EFBFBD> Phoebe about that one crazy night after the Sigma Chi luau where you and I
uh, we made out.</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> (shocked) What?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Remember?! We<57>come on, we both had the sarongs on, and we had the-the
coconut bikini tops<70></p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> Yeah?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> <20>we went back to the house and we got really silly and we<77>we made
out.</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> Oh wow, Ray-ray I have no idea what you<6F>re talking about.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Really?!</p>
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is on the couch as Chandler disgustedly enters.]</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ross is Batman!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, he did manage to keep his identity secret for a long time.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Rachel got Ross the tuxedo that Val Kilmer wore in Batman. Okay Batman
is so much cooler than James Bond!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> What are you talking about?! 007 has all those gadgets!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Batman has a utility belt!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> 007 has a fancy car!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Batman has the Batmobile!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> 007 gets all the ladies.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Batman has Robin! (Pause) We get <i>ESPN</i> right?</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> How about you go put on your 007 tuxedo and I<>ll make you a nice
martini.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Actually, I don<6F>t like martinis.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> How about a <i>Youhoo</i> with a funny straw?</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ooh, yum! (Runs into the bedroom.)</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Listen, I know the invitation says 6:00, but does that mean that you want
people to get there at six, or the show is gonna start right at six?</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> The show?!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Right. Right. The wedding, gotcha. But I mean, it<69>s gonna start a
little late right? I mean, weddings start late. Right?</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Have you ever been to one of <b>my</b> weddings?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ah. Yeah. Well look, the thing is it<69>s the same day as my
niece<EFBFBD>s christening and I really want my parents to be there in time to see me.
<EFBFBD>Cause my part<72>s just in the beginning I<>m not even in the rest of the
show<EFBFBD>Wedding!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> The wedding starts at six.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay. Okay, I totally hear ya. Oo how about this? I vamp a little
<EFBFBD>til they get there?</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> You<6F>ll vamp?!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah! Yeah y<>know, like warm up the crowd. Ask <20>em where
they<EFBFBD>re from. <20>Cause in Joey Tribbiani you get a minister <b>and</b> you get an
entertainer. I<>m a minis-tainer! (Rapping) There is no-one better! There is no-one
greater!</p>
<p>[Scene: The restaurant, continued from earlier.]</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> How can you not remember us kissing?!</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> I don<6F>t know. I don<6F>t remember a lot of things that never
happened.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wh<57> Come on! Remember? We were on the sleeping porch! We
couldn<EFBFBD>t stop giggling? And our coconuts kept knockin<69> together?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, somewhere Joey<65>s head is exploding.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah<61>but come on<6F>Listen, I<>m sorry I don<6F>t want to
make you uncomfortable, but I told Phoebe that it happened and she doesn<73>t believe
me.</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> I<>m sorry Ray-ray. I mean if I thought it happened I would say it.
Maybe I passed out and you did stuff to me while I was sleeping.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No!!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Rachel, it<69>s okay. You don<6F>t have to do this. I believe you.
All right? Okay, if-if you say that you kissed Melissa, then you kissed Melissa.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thank you Phoebe.</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> She didn<64>t.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I know.</p>
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are working on the seating chart as
Ross enters carrying his tux around.]</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> You just carry that around?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes. I find it to be something of a conversation piece. </p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Between you and<6E></p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Gunther. (To Chandler) Hey-hey! Why don<6F>t we put them on? Y<>know
get a picture of Batman and James Bond together.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I would but mine doesn<73>t fit. The pants are a little tight.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> A little tight? I could see double-oh <b>and</b> seven in those pants.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well that stinks. I was looking forward to us wearing our celebrity tuxes
together.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, does that mean that you<6F>re not going to be wearing yours?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> What, are you kidding? It<49>s Batman<61>s tux!!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (standing up) Let me try it on!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, but just the jacket. Double-oh and seven are not gettin<69> in
there.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (trying on the jacket) Okay. Holy double-vented comfort Batman! (Finds
something in the pocket) What<61>s this?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> An invitation for the <i>At First Sight</i> premiere? Oh my God! Val
Kilmer didn<64>t wear this in Batman! He wore it to the premiere of some tooty-fruity
love story where he played a blind guy!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Let me see that! (Grabs the invitation and reads it.) Oh man!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> The only superpower you have is a slightly heightened sense of smell.
(Hands him the jacket and walks away.)</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey! Uh, Monica? Chandler? Can I talk to you guys for a second?</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right that<61>s it, I give up! Whatever you want you can have it!
You wanna sing a song? You wanna do a dance? You want your mom to stand at the
altar and
scream racial slurs? I don<6F>t care!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> No! No, I-I just wanna thank you guys for what you did for my parents,
that was really sweet. They<65>re so happy they get to be a part of your special day.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> (defeated) Oh.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, you<6F>re welcome. And tell them we<77>re really glad
they<EFBFBD>re coming.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay. I will. Ohh! Check out what they got me to wear for the ceremony!
(Runs to his apartment and returns wearing a rather silly hat.) Huh? I wear it like this
when I marry you guys, and then this (He tilts it to the side of his head) is for party
time.</p>
<p>[Scene: Outside the restaurant, Melissa, Phoebe, and Rachel are emerging.]</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It happened! I am telling you it happened!</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> Okay. (To Phoebe) Well, it was great meeting you. And uh Rachel, I-I
don<EFBFBD>t think I<>ll be calling you (hails a cab) because umm, y<>know
you<EFBFBD>ve gotten weird. (The cab pulls up.) Take care you guys.</p>
<p>(She<68>s about to get in when<65>)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?! Wait a minute! No wait a minute! (She does so.) Okay? Look, <b>that</b>
night was the one wild thing I have ever done in my entire life, and I<>m <b>not</b>
gonna let you take that away from me! Okay, so if you don<6F>t remember that, <b>maybe</b>
you will remember this! (She grabs Melissa and kisses her on the lips.)</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> My God! You love me!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (shocked) What?</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> Of course I remember our kiss. I think about it all the time. I can
still hear the coconuts knockin<69> together I<> (Phoebe is shocked.) I just
didn<EFBFBD>t want to tell you <20>cause I didn<64>t think that you<6F>d return my
love, and now that you have<76> (Leans in to kiss Rachel.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (moving away) Whoa! Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Whoa! Whoa!</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> Aww, look who<68>s being suddenly shy. You can<61>t tell me you
don<EFBFBD>t feel what I feel. Nobody can kiss that good and not mean it. (Goes in again.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (moves away again) I-I-I-I<>m just<73>I<EFBFBD>m just a good kisser!</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> (suddenly frightened) Shut up!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I<>m sorry!</p>
<p><b>Melissa:</b> (laughs) Oh you don<6F>t have to be (Laughs again) sorry.
I<EFBFBD>m<EFBFBD>I<EFBFBD>m obviously kidding. I<>m not in love with you. (To Phoebe)
I<EFBFBD>m not in love with her. I don<6F>t hear coconuts banging together. Yeah, I
don<EFBFBD>t<EFBFBD>picture your face when I make love to my boyfriend. Anyway, I gotta go.
Eh<EFBFBD>kiss good-bye? (Rachel stares at her stunned.) No? Okay. (Hurries into the cab and
drives off.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wow! I mean I had no idea that that was gonna<6E></p>
<p>(Suddenly, Phoebe leans in and kisses her on the lips!)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What the hell was that?!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> And?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I<>ve had better.</p>
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
<p>[Scene: <i>Ralph Lauren</i>, Rachel is hooking Chandler up with another tuxedo.]</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (yelling from the changing room) All right! I found one that fits!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well y<>know what they say, the 23<sup>rd</sup> time<6D>s the
charm. (Chandler enters.) Aww, look at you all handsome!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Whose is it?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh does it matter?! All that matters is that you look so handsome.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Whose is it?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don<6F>t want to say.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, come on! I don<6F>t care! Come on! Whose is it?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Diane Keaton.</p>
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
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