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why isn't it commiting
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Beppe Vanrolleghem
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Data/Friends/ToConvert/The One With Russ.html
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Data/Friends/ToConvert/The One With Russ.html
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<!-- saved from url=(0054)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season2/210russ.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With Russ</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="white" text="black" link="green" vlink="black" alink="yellow" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With Russ</h1>
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<hr align="center">
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<i>
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</i><p><i></i>Written by: Ira Ungerlieder<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season2/josh.html">Josh Hodge</a><br>
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With Minor Adjustments by: Dan Silverstein<br>
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||||
</p>
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<hr>
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<font size="3">
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<p>[The gang is walking to a newsstand late at night. Joey is anxiously in the lead.]</p>
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<p>RACH: Joey, would you slow down? They're not gonna be sold out of papers at one o'clock
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in the morning.</p>
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<p>JOEY: I'm excited! I've never gotten reviewed before.</p>
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<p>MNCA: You were so amazing as the king. I was really impressed, I was.</p>
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<p>PHOE: Although, you know what? You might want to consider wearing underwear next time.
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Yeah, cause when you sat down on your throne you could kind of see your... royal subject.</p>
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||||
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||||
<p>JOEY: Here it is, here it is. [reading from newspaper] <i>The only thing worse than the
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mindless, adolescent direction was Joseph Tribbiani's disturbingly unskilled portrayal of
|
||||
the king.</i></p>
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<p>CHAN: OK, look, that is one guy's opinion, alright. Phoebs, read yours.</p>
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<p>PHOE: OK. [reading] <i>The only thing worse than the mindless, adolescent direction...</i></p>
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<p>CHAN: Does anyone have one from a <b>different</b> paper? Ross, read yours.</p>
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<p>ROSS: I don't want to.</p>
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<p>RACH: Joey, honey, they don't know what they're talking about.</p>
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<p>ROSS: Yeah.</p>
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<p>JOEY: Maybe they do. I've been doin' this ten years and I haven't gotten anywhere.
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There's gotta be a reason.</p>
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<p>ROSS: Oh c'mon. Maybe you're just, uhhh... paying your dues.</p>
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<p>JOEY: No, no, no, it.. it's too hard. It's not worth it. I quit.</p>
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<p>MNCA: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait one minute. Wait a minute. I believe <b>this</b>
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will change your mind. [Reads from paper] <i>In a mediocre play, Joseph Tribbiana was able
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to achieve brilliant new levels of...</i> continued on page 153...[turns it]<i> sucking.</i></p>
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<h2 align="center">Credits</h2>
|
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<p>[Scene: Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica comforting Joey at Monica and Rachel's
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apartment.]</p>
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<p>JOEY: When I was little, I wanted to be a veteranarian, but then I found out you had to
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put your hands into cows and stuff.</p>
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<p>[Ross enters, depressed.]</p>
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<p>ROSS: [sullenly] Hiiiiii.</p>
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<p>PHOE: Are... are you OK?</p>
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<p>ROSS: Yeah, yeah, just a tough day at work. A stegosaurus fell over and trapped a kid.
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Whoa, whoa, I know this jacket, this is, th--Fun Bobby's jacket! Where is he, what. He,
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he's here, isn't he?</p>
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<p>MNCA: Maybe.</p>
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<p>ROSS: Don't toy with me.</p>
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<p>[Fun Bobby (FBOB) enters from Monica's bedroom.]</p>
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<p>FBOB: Geller!</p>
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<p>ROSS: Hey, Fun Bobby!</p>
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<p>FBOB: Hey. Whoa, hey, you've been working out, huh?</p>
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<p>ROSS: Not at all! I love this guy. Hey, I was so psyched to hear you're back with my
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sister!</p>
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<p>MNCA: You and me both.</p>
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<p>FBOB: Hey, so what'd I miss, what'd I miss, c'mon?</p>
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<p>PHOE: Oh, we were just trying to make Joey feel better.</p>
|
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|
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<p>FBOB: Hey, do you need me to pick you up?</p>
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<p>JOEY: No, I'm alright man. Really.</p>
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<p>FBOB: No, I'm picking you up.</p>
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|
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<p>JOEY: Hey no, seriously, I don't need you to pick me... [Fun Bobby picks Joey up off
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the ground, bounces him. Joey laughs.] Alright! It still works.</p>
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||||
|
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<p>FBOB: OK, now before I go, does anybody else need to be picked up? [everyone raises
|
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their hands] I'm still gonna go.</p>
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<p>MNCA: OK, I'll see you later babe.</p>
|
||||
|
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<p>FBOB: Uh, public display of affection coming up. You can avert your eyes. [kisses
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Monica]</p>
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|
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<p>[Chandler and Joey are watching, Rachel turns their heads away from Monica.]</p>
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|
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<p>FBOB: See ya. [exits]</p>
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<p>ALL: Bye! See you later!</p>
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|
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<p>PHOE: Fun Bobby is so great.</p>
|
||||
|
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<p>MNCA: Oh, isn't he? Oh, you know, I really think this time it may work with him. I
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mean, he just makes me feel so good and I've been feeling so lousy this last couple of
|
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months, no job, no boyfriend. Well, at least my cup is half full.</p>
|
||||
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<p>PHOE: Half full of <b>looooovvvvve</b>.</p>
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<p>MNCA: And for our two-week anniversary, he's gonna take me to his cousin's cabin for
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the weekend.</p>
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<p>PHOE: Cabin of <b>loooooovvvvve</b>.</p>
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<p>RACH: We went through a <b>lot</b> of wine tonight, you guys. [walks over to table,
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holding five empty wine bottles]</p>
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<p>MNCA: Really? I only had two glasses.</p>
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<p>JOEY: I just had a glass.</p>
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<p>PHOE: Two.</p>
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<p>RACH: I had one glass.</p>
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<p>CHAN: I had about a mugful in this lovely 'I got boned at the Museum of Natural
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||||
History' mug.</p>
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<p>RACH: OK, so that's... that's what, two bottles? And yet somehow we went through five?</p>
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||||
<p>[All look towards door Fun Bobby left through.]</p>
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<p>ROSS: Oooooh.</p>
|
||||
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<p>JOEY: [realizing what everyone else did a minute ago] Ooooooh.</p>
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<p>MNCA: So what. So he drank a lot tonight.</p>
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<p>ROSS: Yeah but, you know, now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen Fun
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||||
Bobby without a... a drink in his hand.</p>
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<p>PHOE: Yeah. Oh, OOOH, yeah, you know, did you notice how he always starts his stories
|
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with, um, OK, 'I was soooo wasted,' or, 'Oh, we were soooo bombed,' or, ummm, ooh, ooh,
|
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'So I wake up, and I'm in this dumpster in Connecticut.'</p>
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<p>JOEY: Monica, have you ever been with him when he <b>wasn't</b> drinking?</p>
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<p>MNCA: Well, we just happen to go to alot of places where you might drink. I mean, how
|
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do you go to a wine tasting without having a drink? Or... or to a club, or to the... zoo.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica, Fun Bobby, and Phoebe sitting in <i>Central Perk</i> Rachel is serving
|
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them. She brings a mug to Monica.]</p>
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<p>MNCA: Rach, does this have nonfat milk?</p>
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<p>RACH: Ehhhummmm, I don't know, why don't you taste it.</p>
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<p>MNCA: [takes a sip] Mmmm, no.</p>
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<p>RACH: Oh well, too late, sorry, you already had some.</p>
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|
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<p>FBOB: [pulls out a flask] Whattaya say we make these, uh, coffees Irish?</p>
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<p>[Phoebe and Rachel look uncomfortable.]</p>
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<p>PHOE: Um, cake.</p>
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<p>RACH: Yeah, we're gonna... we're gonna get some cake. [Phoebe and Rachel go to
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counter.]</p>
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<p>MNCA: You know what? It seems like you've been making an awful lot of stuff Irish
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lately.</p>
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<p>FBOB: Well, I would make them Belgian, but the waffles are hard to get into that flask.</p>
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<p>MNCA: Bobby.</p>
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<p>FBOB: Yeah, OK.</p>
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<p>MNCA: Look, maybe this is none of my business, or maybe it is, I don't know... but, uh,
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I'm kind of worried about you.</p>
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<p>FBOB: OK, look, this isn't the first time somebody's said something to me about this,
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but, I don't know... I always made excuses about it, like... uhhh... 'I'm just a social
|
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drinker,' or, 'C'mon, it's Flag Day.'</p>
|
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<p>MNCA: So, what are you saying now?</p>
|
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|
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<p>FBOB: I guess I'm saying, I'll try and quit. I kinda like that you worry about me.
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[they hug]</p>
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<p>PHOE: [comes back to couch, with cake] Sooo, what's goin' on, huh?</p>
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<p>FBOB: I am gonna try and quit drinking.</p>
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<p>PHOE: [sad] Ooohh, why?</p>
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<p>[Chandler and Joey enter.]</p>
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<p>CHAN: Hey.</p>
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<p>JOEY: Hey.</p>
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<p>MNCA: Hey.</p>
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<p>PHOE: Hey.</p>
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<p>CHAN: Guess who's back in show business.</p>
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<p>PHOE: Ohh, ohh, Lorne Green?</p>
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<p>CHAN: No, no, Phoebs. You know why? Cause he's dead.</p>
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<p>PHOE: Oh, no.</p>
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<p>CHAN: OK, I guess this is gonna seem kinda bittersweet now, but... Joey, that's who.</p>
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|
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<p>JOEY: Yeah, my agent just called me with an audition for <i>Days of Our Lives</i>!</p>
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<p>PHOE: Oh, well, we have to celebrate. You know what we should do? We should do, like, a
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soap opera theme.</p>
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<p>CHAN: Hey, yeah... we could all sleep together and then one of us could get amnesia.</p>
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<p>PHOE: Hey Rach, what time do you get off? We're all gonna do something tonight.</p>
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|
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<p>RACH: Ummmm.... well, actually I'm already done, but I...I kinda got plans.</p>
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|
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<p>MNCA: [gasps] You have other friends?</p>
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<p>RACH: Yeah... I, uhh... I have a... I have a date.</p>
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|
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<p>MNCA: What?</p>
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<p>JOEY: With a man?</p>
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<p>RACH: What? What is so strange about me having a date?</p>
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|
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<p>JOEY: What about Ross? I mean, are you still mad at him cause he made that list about
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you?</p>
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<p>RACH: Noooo, no, I'm not mad at him. I'm.. I'm not really <b>anything</b> at him
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anymore.</p>
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|
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<p>MNCA: What are you talking about?</p>
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|
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<p>RACH: I don't know. Whatever I was feeling, I'm... not.</p>
|
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|
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<p>PHOE: But you guys came so close.</p>
|
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|
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<p>RACH: Oh, I know, I'm sorry you guys. You're just gonna have to get used to the fact
|
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that I will not be dating Ross.</p>
|
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|
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<p>[Russ enters <i>Central Perk</i>. He looks like Ross, except for his chin and hair (it
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is David Schwimmer in a dual role).]</p>
|
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|
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<p>RACH: Here he is. Hi. Guys, this is Russ.</p>
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|
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<p>RUSS: [sounding like Ross] Hhhhiiiii.</p>
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|
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<p>[Everyone looks at each other in amazement.]</p>
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|
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<p>[Scene: <i>Estelle Leonard Talent Agency</i>. Estelle (ESTL) is speaking on the phone.]</p>
|
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|
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<p>ESTL: Stop saying you're not talented, you're very talented. It's just with the bird
|
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dead and all, there's very little act left. Oh, honey, give me a break, will ya? [a knock
|
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on the door] Oooh, ooh, I'll talk to you later.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Joey enters.]</p>
|
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|
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<p>ESTL: Well, there's my favorite client. So tell me darling, how was the audition?</p>
|
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|
||||
<p>JOEY: Well, I think it went pretty well. I.. I got a callback for Thursday.</p>
|
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|
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<p>ESTL: Joey, have you ever seen me ecstatic?</p>
|
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|
||||
<p>JOEY: No.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ESTL: Well, here it is. [She almost smiles.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: OK, uh.... listen, there's something I want to talk to you about. The network
|
||||
casting lady...</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ESTL: Oh, isn't Lori a doll?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: Oh yeah, yeah, she's great, but... I kinda got the feeling that she was sort
|
||||
of... coming on to me. And I definitely would get the part if I would've... you know... if
|
||||
I would have sent the Little General in.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ESTL: Oh, I see. Well, I'm just gonna put in a call here and we'll find out what's
|
||||
goin' on and straighten it out. [picks up the phone] Yeah, hi, Lori please. [pause] Hi
|
||||
darling. So how 'bout Joey Tribbiani for the part of the cab driver, isn't he terrific?
|
||||
[pause] Uh-huuuuh. [pause] Uh-huuuuh. OK, doll. Talk to you later. [hangs up] [to Joey]
|
||||
Yeah, you're gonna have to sleep with her.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: <i>Central Perk</i>. Monica and Rachel at counter, Phoebe, Chandler, and Fun
|
||||
Bobby at the couch.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: What's the matter?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: It's Fun Bobby.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: What, isn't he sober?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Oh, he's sober alright. Just turns out that Fun Bobby was fun for a reason.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: Ohhh, OK.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Monica returns to couch next to Fun Bobby.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Alright, here you go, sweetie. [hands Fun Bobby his coffee]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>FBOB: Thanks. You wanna hear something funny?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Oh God, yes!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>FBOB: There are no hardware stores open past midnight in the Village.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: That <b>is</b> funny.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>FBOB: I needed to buy a hammer the other night, and I'm out walkin' around the
|
||||
neighborhood but apparently there are no hardware stores open past midnight in the
|
||||
Village.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Ahhh, hey honey? Don't you have to be at your interview now?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>FBOB: Oh yeah. See you guys. [leaves]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: Bye..... ridiculously dull Bobby.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Oh.... my... God.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: It's not that bad.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Not that bad? Did you <b>hear</b> the hammer story?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: OK, OK, don't get all squinky.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: Maybe it was just the kind of story where you have to be there.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: But I'm gonna be there... for the rest of my life. I mean, I can't break up with
|
||||
him. I'm the one who made him quit drinking. He's dull because of me.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: Alright, don't say that. He's probably always been dull. You just, you know, set
|
||||
it free.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Russ enters, walking in behind Chandler.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: Hi.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: [turning around] Hey Ross.... bahhhh!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: Hi Russ, I've just got two more tables to clean and then we'll go, OK?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: OK, I'll just sit here and... uh... chat with your, uh.... friend-type....people.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Phoebe walks up to Rachel, cleaning tables.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: Rachel? Um, hi.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: Hi.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: OK, so, you know what you're doing, right?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: Uhh.... waitressing?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: Well, yeah, but... no. I mean, umm... doesn't.... doesn't Russ just remind you of
|
||||
someone?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: [looks at him] Huh, Bob Saget?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: [looks at Russ] Oh, yeah! No, no, no, no, oh, oh.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Phoebe turns back around but Rachel is gone. Ross enters.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: Oh, my, oh!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: What? What's wrong?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: I, OK....</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: She's just upset because she, uh, she buttered a spider into her toast this
|
||||
morning.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: Alright.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: [to Phoebe] Listen, Phoebs, this is gonna be OK. [introducing Russ and Ross]
|
||||
Ross, Russ. Russ, Ross.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: Hi.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: Hi.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: Are you a, uh, friend of Rachel's?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: Yes, yes I am. Are you a, uh, a friend of Rachel's?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: Actually, I'm a... kind of a.... you know, a... date-type... thing... of
|
||||
Rachel's.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: A date.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: Yeah, I'm her date.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: Oh, oh, you're... uh... you're, oh <b>you're</b> the date.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: You know, this is actually good, because if we ever lose Ross, we have a spare.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: Oh, you are the, uh... paleontologist.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: Yes, yes I am. And you are a....</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: Periodontist.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: See? They're as different as night and... later that night.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: Well, I am going to, uh... get a beverage. It was nice, nice... uh... meeting
|
||||
you.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: Ditto.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[ROss approaches Rachel at counter.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: I, uh, well... I... I met Russ.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: Oh.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: Hey, I didn't know we were, uh, seeing other people.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: Well, we're not seeing each other, so....</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: Well, uh, for your information, there's a woman at the museum, who's curator of
|
||||
moths and other... uh... winged things... who's, uh, let it be known that she is drawn to
|
||||
me much like a... well, you know. But so far I've been keeping her at bay, but, uh, if
|
||||
this is the deal...</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: Well, yeah, this is the deal.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: OK, well, um, have a nice evening.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: Um, Russ, you ready?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: Yeah.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: Bye.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Bye.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: Bye.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Russ and Rachel leave together.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: [upset] She's dating. <b>She's dating.</b></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: Yes, yes, but did you see <b>who</b> she was dating?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: What do you mean?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Do you not see it?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: See what? I don't know what she sees in... innn that goober. And it takes him,
|
||||
what? Like... like... I don't know, uhh... uhhh, hello.... a... week, to get out a
|
||||
sentence.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: ....................Yeah.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Joey is making marinara sauce and filling every
|
||||
container in sight. Chandler enters.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: Hey.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: Hey.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: Whoa, whoa, so I'm guessing you didn't get the part, or... uh, Italy called and
|
||||
said it was hungry.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: Well, the part's mine if I want it.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: Oh my God!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: Yeah, if I'm willing to sleep with the casting lady.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: [not knowing how to react] Oh my... God?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: Ten years I've been waiting for a break like this Chandler, ten years! I mean, <i>Days
|
||||
of Our Lives</i>. That's actually on television.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: So, what're you gonna do?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: Well, I guess I could sleep with her... I mean, how could I do that?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: Well, I... I've got a pop-up book that told me everything I need to know.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: I've never slept with someone for a part.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: Well is she... [reaches into the cookie jar for a cookie, takes his hand out,
|
||||
covered with pasta sauce]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: Sorry.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: It's alright. Is she good-looking?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: Yeah, she's totally good looking. I mean, if I met her in a bar, or something,
|
||||
I'd be buying her breakfast. [pause] You know, after having slept with her.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: Y'know, maybe this isn't such a big deal. Y'know, I mean, the way that I see it
|
||||
is you get a great job <b>and</b> you get to have sex. Y'know, I mean, throw in a tree and
|
||||
a fat guy and you've got Christmas.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: I just... I just don't think that I want it that way though, y'know? I mean,
|
||||
let's say I do make it, alright? I'm always gonna look back and wonder if it was because
|
||||
of my talent or because of.. y'know, the Little General.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: Didn't you used to call it the Little Major?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: Yeah, but after Denise DeMarco, I had to promote it.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: A restaurant. Fun Bobby and Monica are ordering.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>WAITER: Can I get you something from the bar?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Yes, I would like something. [looks at Fun Bobby, changes her mind] No, no thank
|
||||
you.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>FBOB: If... if you want to drink, it's OK with me, I've got to get used to it.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: No, no really. I.. I wouldn't feel right about it. [to waiter] Just some water.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>FBOB: So the light went out in my refrigerator...</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: [grabs waiter as he's leaving] I'd like a scotch on the rocks with a twist.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: <i>Central Perk</i>. Chandler is sitting on the couch between Russ and Ross,
|
||||
doing a crossword puzzle.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: Hey, we're having some fun now, huh, Ross? Wanna do another one, huh Russ? OK...
|
||||
eleven letters, atomic element number 101... ends in <i>ium</i>.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: Dysprosium.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: [condescendingly] Dysprosium? Try mendelevium.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: And weenie number two has it. Unless, of course, nine-down, <i>Knights in White
|
||||
Satin</i> was sung by the Doody Blues.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Phoebe and Rachel are at the counter talking.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: You don't see it? You actually don't see it?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: What?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: OK honey, you're dating Ross.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: No, Phoebs. I'm dating <b>Russ</b>.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: Russ is Ross. Russ... Ross!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: Steve... sleeve!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: OK, noone is named Sleeve.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: Phoebe, what the hell are you talking about? Other than their names being
|
||||
similar, I'm sorry, I do not see what you're seeing.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[They look over at Russ and Ross.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: [to Russ] For your information, it's a card sharp, not a card shark.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: You could not be more wrong. You could try... but you would not be successful.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: OK, I'm gonna get some more coffee before the pinching and eye-poking begins.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: I know what your problem is.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: Oh you do, do you?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: Um-hum, you're jealous.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: Of... of what?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: You're jealous because I'm a real doctor.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: Hey, you're a doctor of <b>gums</b>. That's the smallest body part you can major
|
||||
in. It's like day one, floss. Day two, here's your diploma.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: Hey, you listen.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: No, no, let me finish.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: No, let me finish.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: No, you let me fini...</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Rachel walks up behind them.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: Hi.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: Hi.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: Ewww, ewww, ewww, ewww! [turns away]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, and Chandler at Monica and Rachel's apartment.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: Did Joey say what he was gonna go when he left?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: No, I don't even think he knew. Hey, would you sleep with somebody to get a great
|
||||
job?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: I don't know. Who would I have to sleep with?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: Me.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: Why would I have to sleep with you?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: It's my game. You want the job or not?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Monica enters from her bedroom.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: Hey.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Morning.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: Where ya goin'?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Bobby and I are going away for the weekend, remember?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: Ooooohhhh.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Monica pulls out a bag full of airline bottles of liquor.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: What's with all the bottles of liquor?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: What's going on, is... uh, Bobby drinking again?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Oh no no, this is not for him, this is for me. That way he's still sober but I
|
||||
find his stories about shoelaces much more amusing.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Three slow knocks on the door.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: Oh God, even his knock is boring.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Monica answers the door. Its Fun Bobby.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Hi. I'll be ready in just a second.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>FBOB: Uh, can I talk to you a minute?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Sure.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[They both step out into the hall.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>FBOB: This is really hard for me to say.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Oh God, you fell off the wagon.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>FBOB: Oh, no, no, it's about you.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: What about me?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>FBOB: I think you may have a drinking problem.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: What these? [holding up liquor bottles] Oh, these are, um, for.. cuts and
|
||||
scrapes.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>FBOB: Look, I am just not strong enough to be in a codependent relationship right now,
|
||||
OK?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Oh... shoot.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>FBOB: Well, anyway, I hope we can be friends.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: OK.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[They hug and kiss.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Take care.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>FBOB: You too.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Fun Bobby leaves and Monica goes back inside.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RACH: What happened?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: Well we... we kinda broke up.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>GANG: Awwwwwwww.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Ross, Phoebe, Chandler, and Rachel all exchange money.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>MNCA: [holding bottles] Does anybody want these?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: I'll take one. Sometimes I like to hold stuff like this and pretend I'm a giant.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Joey enters.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: Hey.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>GANG: Hey!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: How'd the callback go?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: It was unbelievable! I walked in there and she was all over me.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: So what'd you do?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: Well, I couldn't do it. I told her I didn't want to get the part that way.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>ROSS: Good for you.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: But wait, wait, wait. Then, after I left her office, she caught up with me at the
|
||||
elevator and offered me an even bigger part.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: So... and?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: Soooooo... you are now looking at Dr. Drake Ramore, neurosurgeon, recurring in at
|
||||
least four episodes!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>GANG: Allright!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JOEY: Alright... I've got to go shower. [leaves]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Phoebe, Ross, Rachel, Chandler exchange money again.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p align="center"><b>Credits</b> [Scene: <i>Central Perk</i>. Russ enters. Chandler and
|
||||
Phoebe are sitting on the couch.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: Hi.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: Oh, hey.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: Hi.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: I guess you guys heard, Rachel dumped me.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: Yeah, I'm sorry man.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: Oh, all she said was that I remind her too much of somebody. You have any idea
|
||||
who she's talking about?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Chandler and Phoebe feign ignorance.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: Oh I do, it's.... it's Bob Saget. She hates him.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>RUSS: Oh.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Julie... Ross's ex-girlfriend... enters.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JULIE: Hey.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>CHAN: Hey!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>PHOE: Hey, Julie! Hey, how are you doing?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>JULIE: Um, oh, I don't know. I mean, it's definitely weird not being with Ross, but I
|
||||
guess I'm doing OK. Actually I've got some of his stuff that he, um....</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Russ and Julie look at each other with love in their eyes. The music builds...]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
</font><p align="center"><font size="3"><font size="4"><b>END</b></font> </font></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<hr>
|
||||
|
||||
<p align="center"><!--webbot bot="ImageMap" startspan
|
||||
rectangle=" (139,1) (197, 84) http://thecfsi.com/season2/211towlw.htm"
|
||||
rectangle=" (70,0) (130, 84) http://thecfsi.com/season2.htm"
|
||||
rectangle=" (0,0) (59, 80) http://thecfsi.com/season2/209towpd.htm" src="contrl08.gif"
|
||||
width="194" height="60" alt="contrl08.gif (14783 bytes)" --><map name="FrontPageMap0"><area shape="RECT" coords="139, 1, 197, 84" href="http://thecfsi.com/season2/211towlw.htm"><area shape="RECT" coords="70, 0, 130, 84" href="http://thecfsi.com/season2.htm"><area shape="RECT" coords="0, 0, 59, 80" href="http://thecfsi.com/season2/209towpd.htm"></map><img src="file:///D:/Friends%20Script%20Index/Season2/contrl08.gif" width="194" height="60" alt="contrl08.gif (14783 bytes)" usemap="#FrontPageMap0"><!--webbot bot="ImageMap"
|
||||
i-checksum="17866" endspan --></p>
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
</body></html>
|
||||
Reference in New Issue
Block a user