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Data/Friends/ToConvert/The One With The ‘Cuffs.html
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Data/Friends/ToConvert/The One With The ‘Cuffs.html
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<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season4/403cuffs.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
|
||||
|
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<meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 3.0">
|
||||
<title>The One With The <20>Cuffs</title>
|
||||
<meta name="Template" content="C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\Templates\FRIENDS1.dot">
|
||||
<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
|
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|
||||
<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
|
||||
|
||||
<h1 align="center">The One With The <20>Cuffs</h1>
|
||||
|
||||
<hr>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>Written by: Seth Kirkland<br>
|
||||
Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a><br>
|
||||
With Help from: <a href="mailto:dpartrid@novell.com">Darcy Partridge</a></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<hr>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is sitting in the canoe as Joey runs through the
|
||||
door carrying an outdoor patio table.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey: </strong>Hey!! We are <strong>so</strong> in luck! Treeger said that we
|
||||
could have all this cool stuff from the basement. Wait right there. (Goes back into the
|
||||
hall)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler</strong>: Oh no-no-no, I<>m, I<>m paddling away!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> (Returning carrying a couple of rusted lawn chairs) Huh?!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Wow! Really?! We get all this rusty crap for free?!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> Uh-huh. This <strong>and</strong> a bunch of bubble wrap. And,
|
||||
some of it is not even popped! </p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(They both sit down at the table and the chick and the duck enter from Joey<65>s
|
||||
bedroom.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Could we <strong>be</strong> more white trash?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica</strong>: (Entering from her bedroom) How desperate am I?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel</strong>: Oh! Good thing Chandler<65>s not here, he always wins at
|
||||
this game.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica</strong>: I just told my Mom I<>d cater a party for her.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe</strong>: How come?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica:</strong> Because I need the money, and I thought that it<69>d be a
|
||||
great way to get rid of that last little schmidgen of self-respect.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Ross: </strong>Come on, I think this is a good thing. I don<6F>t think Mom
|
||||
would<EFBFBD>ve hired you if she didn<64>t think you were good at what you do.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica</strong>: You don<6F>t have to stick up for her. She can<61>t here
|
||||
you.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is reading the paper and Chandler is getting ready
|
||||
for work.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>(entering) Hey! Umm, do you guys have any juice?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> Just pickle.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Hey uh, Rach, funny story. I ah, bumped into Joanna on the
|
||||
street yesterday.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>My boss, Joanna? Wow, that must<73>ve been awkward.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Well, no, actually she uh, asked me if I wanted to get a
|
||||
drink.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel</strong>: (laughs) You ah, you didn<64>t say <20>Yes<65> to that
|
||||
did you?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler: </strong>(laughs) No. No!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna</strong>: (Coming out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel) Hello,
|
||||
Rachel. (She goes into Chandler<65>s bedroom)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Well, not at first.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> What is she doing here?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Joey makes a sound like a creaking bed.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> I don<6F>t understand! Last time you went out with her you
|
||||
said she was a <20>big, dull dud.<2E></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Well, I think I judged her too quickly, and this time we
|
||||
were able to take the relationship to the next level.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Joey creaks louder)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel</strong>: Well, last time I almost got fired. You must end it, you must
|
||||
end it now!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler: </strong>Oh, come on! It<49>s not like this is an everyday
|
||||
occurrence for me! I mean usually I<>m pretty much just in there by myself.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Joey makes a sound imitating one person making a bed creak and Chandler turns and
|
||||
glares at him.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> Chandler!! (He turns around quickly) Promise me, you will end
|
||||
it.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Okay, I promise, I<>ll end it.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel</strong>: Thank you.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler</strong>: I hope you know what I<>m giving up for ya, because
|
||||
she<EFBFBD>s not just the boss in your office, if you know what I mean.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> Yeah-eh-eah! (Rachel glares at him) Oh-oh, sorry, I-I knew what
|
||||
he meant.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: The Geller household kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are cooking for Mrs.
|
||||
Geller<EFBFBD>s party.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller: </strong>(entering) How<6F>s the hired help?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>Doing great, the quiches are coming along.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller:</strong> What<61>s this? Blue nail polish?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica</strong>: Yeah, I thought it was cute.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller:</strong> Ahh, that<61>s what your Grandmother<65>s hands
|
||||
looked like when we found her.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica:</strong> Let me ask you a question.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller</strong>: Hmm.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica:</strong> Why did you hire me?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller:</strong> Oh, well Richard raved about the food at his party, of
|
||||
course you were sleeping with him. Then I heard the food at that lesbian wedding was very
|
||||
nice, I assume you weren<65>t sleeping with anybody there. Though, at least that would
|
||||
be something. (Leaves)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica:</strong> (to Phoebe) Oh my God! Did you hear that? She hired me because
|
||||
she thinks I<>m good.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe: </strong>Okay, I didn<64>t hear that.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica:</strong> Oh yeah, she didn<64>t hire me out of pity, it wasn<73>t
|
||||
so she could pick on me in front of her friends, she actually thinks I<>m good.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe:</strong> Wow! And hey, it<69>s cool if you<6F>re a lesbian! (Gives
|
||||
her a thumbs up)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is scrapping gum off the table as there is a knock on
|
||||
the door. He goes over and opens it.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>The Salesman:</strong> (Entering before Joey can say anything) Good afternoon,
|
||||
are you the decision maker of the house?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> Uhhhh. (He<48>s not sure)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>The Salesman:</strong> Do you ah, currently own a set of encyclopedias? </p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> No! No. But ah, try the classifieds, people sell everything in
|
||||
there.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>The Salesman:</strong> Actually, I<>m not buying. I<>m selling. Let me
|
||||
ask you one question. Do your friends ever have a conversation and you just nod along even
|
||||
though you<6F>re not really sure what they<65>re talking about?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(We go into a flashback sequence with Joey remembering some of those times.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Cut to Monica and Rachel<65>s apartment, all are there.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Ross</strong>: <20>I<EFBFBD>m telling you it<69>s totally unconstituional.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel:</strong> Oh yeah, I totally agree.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Joey just nods his head.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Cut to Central Perk, the entire gang is there.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong><EFBFBD>I think he deserves a Nobel Prize. (Joey starts to nod
|
||||
<EFBFBD>Yes.<2E>)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>All: </strong>Nooo!! (Joey quickly stops nodding his head.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Cut to Monica and Rachel<65>s, they<65>re all there playing cards.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> <20>it was like the Algonquin kids table. (They all laugh,
|
||||
but Joey only laughs not to be left out.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Cut back to the present day.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>The Salesman: </strong>(Interrupting the flashback) Excuse me, I<>m sorry,
|
||||
you haven<65>t said anything for about two and a half minutes, are you at all
|
||||
interested?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> Yeah-well-yeah! Yeah-oh-yeah. Come on in.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: The Geller<65>s Kitchen, Monica and Phoebe are still cooking.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe: </strong>That<EFBFBD>s weird.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>What?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe:</strong> Your nails.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>Oh, I know, I never wear fake ones. I just did it so my Mom
|
||||
wouldn<EFBFBD>t give me grief about me biting them.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe:</strong> Oh, no, I meant that it<69>s weird that you only have nine
|
||||
now.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica:</strong> (Looks at her nails) Oh my God. Wait a minute, I had them
|
||||
put<EFBFBD> (realises) Oh my God! It<49>s in the quiche! Oh My God!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe:</strong> Okay, don<6F>t panic. I<>m gonna go to the store,
|
||||
I<EFBFBD>m gonna get you another set of nails, no one<6E>s gonna know, and you<6F>re
|
||||
gonna look great. (She runs over to get her coat.) Oh! Oh, it<69>s <20>cause
|
||||
they<EFBFBD>re gonna eat<61>that<61>s the problem.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller:</strong> (entering) (to Monica) Honey, don<6F>t bite your nails.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>Okay ah, please don<6F>t freak out. Umm, but ah,
|
||||
there<EFBFBD>s a blue fingernail in one of the quiche cups, and there<72>s no way to know
|
||||
which one.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe: </strong>And! Whoever finds it wins the prize!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller:</strong> (laughs) I<>m not freaking out.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>Then why are you laughing?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller:</strong> It<49>s nothing, it<69>s just that now your Father
|
||||
owes me five dollars.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>What? You bet I<>d lose a nail?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller: </strong>Oh no, don<6F>t be silly. I just bet I<>d need
|
||||
these. (Opens the freezer to reveal<61>)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>Frozen lasagnas?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller:</strong> Um-hmm.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica:</strong> You bet that I<>d screw up?! So all that stuff about
|
||||
hiring me because I was good was<61></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller</strong>: No-no-no, that was all true. This was just in case you
|
||||
pulled a Monica.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica</strong>: You promised Dr. Weinburg, you<6F>d never use that phrase.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller: </strong>Oh honey, come on, have a sense of humour, you<6F>ve
|
||||
never been able to laugh at yourself.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>(laughs) That<61>s right. My Mom doesn<73>t have any faith
|
||||
in me! Oh, that<61>s hilarious! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe:</strong> I don<6F>t get it.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller:</strong> No, I have faith<74></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>(interrupting) No! You have lasagnas! (Storms out and an
|
||||
awkward silence follows.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Oven:</strong> Ding!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe:</strong> Op, the ruined quiches are ready.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Joanna<6E>s office, Joanna and Chandler are making out on her chair. Chandler
|
||||
isn<EFBFBD>t wearing any pants.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> It just doesn<73>t<EFBFBD>feel like we<77>re breaking up.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna: </strong>No, we are. I<>m sad.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Okay.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(They start kissing again, but are interrupted by the phone.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna:</strong> (answering the phone) Yes. (listens) Uh, can<61>t you wait
|
||||
until tomorrow? (listens) All right. (hangs up) Unbelievable!!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Thanks.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna:</strong> No, no, that was my boss. I have to go.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Okay. (Starts to button up his shirt)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna: </strong>What are you doing?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler</strong>: I<>m getting dressed.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna:</strong> Why?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> When I walk outside naked people throw garbage at me.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna</strong>: Wait. I wanna show you something.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler</strong>: What is it?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna</strong>: Just a little gag gift somebody gave me. (She<68>s holding a
|
||||
pair of handcuffs) Put your hands together.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Ah-ha, you<6F>re not the boss of me. (She kisses him)
|
||||
Yeah, you are! (She handcuffs him to the chair) Ooh, saucy.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna: </strong>(kisses him) I<>ll be back in ten minutes. (Starts to
|
||||
leave)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> You are, you<6F>re gonna leave me like this?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna:</strong> Knowing you<6F>re here, waiting for me I think it<69>s
|
||||
kinda exciting.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Okay. But if you don<6F>t come back soon, (She leaves and
|
||||
closes the door) there<72>s pretty much nothing I can do about it!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Cut to Joanna<6E>s outer office, where Rachel and Sophie work. They are both coming
|
||||
back from lunch.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna:</strong> (locking her door) Oh.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Sophie: </strong>Hi! I brought you back a macaroon!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna: </strong>Oh great! I<>ll keep it in my butt with your nose. (She
|
||||
grabs the cookie and walks out.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>That<EFBFBD>s weird, she locked the door.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Sophie:</strong> Y<>know why? She<68>s got the Christmas bonus list in
|
||||
there. I saw her working on it this morning.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> Okay, swear you won<6F>t tell, but when Mark left he gave me
|
||||
a key to Joanna<6E>s office. Do you wanna see the list?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Sophie:</strong> Yeah!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Rachel unlocks and opens the door to reveal a half-naked Chandler handcuffed to the
|
||||
chair. They both gasp and Chandler stares at them in shock and surprise.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler: </strong>Hi! (to Sophie) How are you?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Rachel and Sophie both back out and close the door without saying anything.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Joanna<6E>s office, Chandler, still handcuffed to the chair, is looking
|
||||
through the lingerie catalogue by turning the pages with his teeth. The phone rings and
|
||||
Chandler answers it with his nose.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler: </strong>Hello, Joanna<6E>(Realises he doesn<73>t know her last
|
||||
name)<29><>s office.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna:</strong> (on speaker phone) I<>m really sorry but I may be a little
|
||||
while longer.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> How little?!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna: </strong>A couple of hours, I feel awful.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Look, this isn<73>t funny! You get back here right now!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna:</strong> I can<61>t!!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler: </strong>Why not?!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna:</strong> I<>m in my boss<73>s car!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> What?!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna: </strong>Uh-oh, tunnel. (The phone gets cut off)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Chandler gets an idea)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Cut to Rachel<65>s office as her intercom buzzes.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> (answering it) (angrily) What?!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> (in a serious, businesslike tone) Rachel, could I see you
|
||||
for a moment?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Rachel goes into talk to Chandler.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Okay, here<72>s the situation. The keys to the cuffs are
|
||||
on the back of the door. Could you be a doll and grab them and scoot on over and unlock
|
||||
me? And on a totally different subject, that is a lovely pantsuit.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>You <strong>promised</strong> you would break up with her!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler: </strong>I did break up with her! She just took it really, really
|
||||
well!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> And the fact that you were jeopardising my career never
|
||||
entered your mind?!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> It did enter my mind! But then something happened that made
|
||||
it, shoot right out.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> Y'know what Chandler, you got yourself into those cuffs, you
|
||||
get yourself out of them.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I can<61>t get myself right out of
|
||||
them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!! Come on, you have to unlock
|
||||
me, she could be gone for hours, and I<>m cold, and (Stops and looks up the skirt on a
|
||||
statue behind Joanna<6E>s desk.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>Oh, Chandler!! All right, this is it! (Grabs the key) You
|
||||
never see Joanna again!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Never!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> You never come into this office again!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Fine!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>You give me back my Walkman!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> I<>never borrowed your Walkman.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>Well, then I lost it. You buy me one!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> You got it! Here we go! Come on! This is great! (Rachel goes
|
||||
over and unlocks the handcuffs) Ahhh! (He starts rubbing his wrist)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>Does it hurt?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler: </strong>No, I just always see guys doing this when they get
|
||||
handcuffs taken off them. (He runs over to where his pants are hanging) Hello sweet pants!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> Wait a minute! What are you gonna tell Joanna?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler: </strong>About what?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> When she sees that you<6F>re gone, she<68>s gonna know
|
||||
that I let you out, and that I was in here, and I<>m gonna get fired!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler: </strong>I<EFBFBD>ll make something up! I<>m good at lying, I
|
||||
actually did borrow your Walkman!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>No, there<72>s nothing to make up, she<68>s gonna know
|
||||
that I have a key to her office, I<>ve got to get you locked up back the way you were!
|
||||
(She tries to drag him over to the chair, but Chandler stops her.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Oh-ho-ho, I don<6F>t think so!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(He starts to put his pants on, but Rachel manages to drag him to the chair. When they
|
||||
get to the chair, Chandler drops his pants and knocks the chair away. Rachel then backs
|
||||
him up and locks him to the top drawer of a filing cabinet.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Well, this is much better.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, The salesman is trying to sell Joey the encyclopedias.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>The Salesman:</strong> So, here<72>s somebody interesting, Joey. What do you
|
||||
know about Van Gogh?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> He cut off his ear.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>The Salesman: </strong>And?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> I<>m out.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>The Salesman:</strong> He painted that. (Points to one of his paintings in the
|
||||
book)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> Wow! That<61>s pretty nice. I thought he cut off his ear
|
||||
<EFBFBD>cause he sucked. What else you got in there?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>The Salesman:</strong> Let<65>s see, ahhh<68> Where does the Pope live?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> In the woods. No wait-wait, that<61>s the joke answer.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>The Salesman:</strong> Actually its, Vatican City. Now ahh, what do you know
|
||||
about vulcanised rubber?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey: </strong>Spock<EFBFBD>s birth control.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>The Salesman:</strong> (laughs) You <strong>need</strong> these books.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Monica<63>s childhood bedroom (which has been turned into a gym), Monica is
|
||||
lying on the treadmill as Phoebe enters.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe:</strong> Hey!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>Hi.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe:</strong> This used to be your room? (She nods <20>Yes<65>) Wow! You
|
||||
must<EFBFBD>ve been in really good shape as a kid.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica:</strong> Ohh, I<>m such an idiot. I can<61>t believe I actually
|
||||
thought she could change.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe:</strong> Well, who cares what your Mom thinks? So you pulled a Monica.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>Oh good, I<>m glad that<61>s catching on.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe:</strong> No but, why does that have to be a bad thing. Just change what
|
||||
it means. Y'know? Go down there and prove your Mother wrong. Finish the job you were hired
|
||||
to do, and we<77>ll call that pulling a Monica.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>What?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe: </strong>Okay, umm, if a kid gets straight A<>s, his parents would
|
||||
say, "Yeah, he pulled a Monica." Y'know? Or a fireman saves a baby, and they go,
|
||||
"Yeah I know, he pulled a Monica." Or someone hits a homerun and the announcer
|
||||
says, "Yeah, that one<6E>s outta here." Though some things don<6F>t change.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>(getting up) All right, I<>ll go down there. But, I<>m
|
||||
not gonna serve the lasagna. I<>m gonna serve something I make.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(She exits and Phoebe goes over and sits down at the machine that works your shoulders
|
||||
and tries to do one, which she does, easily.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe:</strong> Wow! My breasts are really strong. (She goes and joins
|
||||
Monica.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Joanna<6E>s office, Rachel and Chandler are having a little tug-of-war with
|
||||
his pants.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> Chandler! Chandler, please, I have to get you locked up back
|
||||
the way you were, I am sooo gonna lose my job, she<68>s very private about her office.
|
||||
Now I know why.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Hey, look, you<6F>re in trouble either way! Okay? If she
|
||||
comes back and sees me locked to this instead of the chair, she<68>s gonna know you were
|
||||
in here. So you might as well just let me go.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>What if I clean your bathroom for a month?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> It still wouldn<64>t be clean. (Rachel makes an <20>Eww,
|
||||
disgusting!<21> face) All I want is my freedom.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>Foot rubs for a month!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler: </strong>Freedom!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>I<EFBFBD>ll take all of your photos and put them into photo
|
||||
albums!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Freedom! I want my freedom! Why won<6F>t you here me?!
|
||||
(Opens the door) Sophie, help me! Help me!! (Sophie stands up)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>Sophie sit!!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(She closes the door and puts his tie into his mouth as a gag.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> No! God, would you just calm down!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(Chandler screams a little bit, then realises that he can spit out his gag. He does so
|
||||
with a <20>Pouff!<21>)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler: </strong>I<EFBFBD>m gonna say this for the last time. Would you please
|
||||
just<EFBFBD> (He moves his arm which opens the drawer and hits in the back of the head,
|
||||
which proves his point.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is now reading the <20>V<EFBFBD> book, with the
|
||||
salesman watching.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey: </strong>Wow! There<72>s a lot I didn<64>t know about vomit. (The
|
||||
duck comes to the door of the bathroom, quacking.) (To the duck) In a minute. (The duck
|
||||
goes back into the bathroom.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>The Salesman:</strong> So, what do you say, Joey? You get the whole set of
|
||||
encyclopedias for twelve hundred dollars, which works out to just 50 bucks a book!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? I<>m home in
|
||||
the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess there<72>s a
|
||||
few things you don<6F>t get from book learnin<69>.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>The Salesman:</strong> Well ah, what can you swing?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> How about zero down and zero a month for a long, long time?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>The Salesman: </strong>You don<6F>t have, anything?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> You wanna see what I got? (He gets up to empty out his pockets)
|
||||
Okay? I<>ve got a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex, a rock, and an
|
||||
army man. Hey!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>The Salesman: </strong>Okay, I-I get the picture. Uh, thanks, for your time.
|
||||
(Starts to leave)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> And a 50. (The salesman stops suddenly) Huh, these must be
|
||||
Chandler<EFBFBD>s pants.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>The Salesman:</strong> For 50 bucks, you can get one book! What will it be? A?
|
||||
B? C?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey: </strong>Oh, I-I think I<>m gonna stick with the V, I wanna see how
|
||||
this bad boy turns out.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Joanna<6E>s office, Rachel and Chandler are still negotiating.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>I ah, will buy and wrap all of your Christmas gifts.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> No!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> I ah<61> Oh! I<>ll squeeze you fresh orange juice every
|
||||
morning!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler: </strong>With extra pulp?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> (happily) Yeah!!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> No!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> D<>oh!! (pause) I<>ve got it!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler: </strong>You don<6F>t have it.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> I have <strong>so</strong> got it. There<72>s gonna be
|
||||
rumours about this, there<72>s no way to stop it. Sophie knows, Monica and Phoebe know.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> How do Monica and Phoebe know?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>Oh, I called them. And when they ask me what I saw, I can be
|
||||
very generous (Holds her hands far apart) or very (In a high pitched voice) stingy.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler: </strong>(intrigued) Go on.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>I can make you a legend. I can make you this generation<6F>s
|
||||
Milton Berle.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> And Milton Berle has a<></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>Ohh, not compared to you. (Chandler nods in agreement)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: The Geller<65>s kitchen, Phoebe is bringing in some dirty dishes.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>Well?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe: </strong>They<EFBFBD>re not even touching the lasagna!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica:</strong> Really?!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe:</strong> Oh, they love your casserole.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica:</strong> Yes!!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe: </strong>It<EFBFBD>s hard to believe that just a little while ago this
|
||||
was nothing but ingredients.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller:</strong> (entering) Well, everyone seems to be enjoying your dish.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica:</strong> And you?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller:</strong> I thought it was<61> quite tasty.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica:</strong> So if everyone liked it, and you liked it, that would make
|
||||
this a success. Which would make you<6F></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller: </strong>(interrupting) A bitch?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica:</strong> Well, I was going for wrong, but we can use your word.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller: </strong>Yes, well I was wrong, and I have to say you really
|
||||
impressed me today.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>Wow!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe:</strong> Umm, you might even say that she pulled a Monica. (They both
|
||||
look at her) (to Monica) She doesn<73>t know we switched it. (Monica nods her head
|
||||
<EFBFBD>No.<2E>)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Mrs. Geller:</strong> And the next time you cater for me, there will be nothing
|
||||
but ice in the freezer. (She starts to bite her nails)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>That really means a lot. Oh, and Mom, don<6F>t bite your
|
||||
nails.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, all except Chandler, are there.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler: </strong>(hello) Hello.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey, Rachel, and Ross: </strong>Hey!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica:</strong> (in a sexy voice) Hello, Chandler. (Phoebe has a huge smile on
|
||||
her face.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> (to Rachel) I love you. (Kisses her on the forehead)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> Wh-what<61>s going on?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe:</strong> Oh. </p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(She motions for them to come closer, they lean in and she whispers what Rachel told
|
||||
her. The guys both lean back laughing.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> No he doesn<73>t!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler: </strong>(checks his watch) Two hours, that lasted!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> So did you break up with Joanna?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> I think so.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey: </strong>Well, it<69>s good thing you got out when you did, before she
|
||||
blew up like that Vesuvius.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Ross: </strong>The volcano?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> Yeah. And speaking of volcanoes, man are they a violent igneous
|
||||
rock formation.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>What?!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> Oh yeah, lava spewing, hot ash, of course some are dormant.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica: </strong>Why are you talking about volcanoes all of the sudden?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joey:</strong> Well, we can talk about something else. What do you want to talk
|
||||
about? Vivisection? The Vasdeferens? The Vietnam War?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Monica:</strong> Oh! Did anybody see that-that documentary on the Korean War?
|
||||
(Joey is pissed)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>All: </strong>Oh, yeah. Yeah.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Phoebe:</strong> Oh God, Korea is such a beautiful country.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Ross:</strong> With such a sad history.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Chandler:</strong> Could there <strong>be</strong> more Kims?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(They all laugh and Joey joins them, not to be left out. When the laughing dies down,
|
||||
he has a depressed look on his face.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Rachel<65>s office, Rachel is coming in for the day.]</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna: </strong>(from her office) Who<68>s out there?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> It<49>s me! Good morning!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna: </strong>Rachel, could you come in here for a moment, please?</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> Yeah, sure. Umm, they didn<64>t have poppy seed bagels, so
|
||||
I<EFBFBD> (Enters Joanna<6E>s office and sees her handcuffed to her chair wearing nothing
|
||||
but a slip) Oh my word!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna:</strong> I seem to have had a slight office mishap. Could you please
|
||||
get the key off the back of the door for me.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel:</strong> Oh, yeah! Yeah!</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p>(She goes back and forth, not sure what to do first, put the bagel down or grab the
|
||||
key. She finally puts the bagel down and grabs the key and goes over to unlock Joanna.)</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Joanna:</strong> You tell your friend Chandler that we<77>re <strong>definately</strong>
|
||||
broken up this time.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p><strong>Rachel: </strong>Okay.</p>
|
||||
|
||||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
</body></html>
|
||||
Reference in New Issue
Block a user