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<title>The One With The Race Car Bed</title>
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<h1 align="center">The One With the Race Car Bed</h1>
<hr align="center">
<p>Written by: Seth Kurland<br>
Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
<hr>
<font size="3">
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, the whole gang is there, Ross is telling a story about what
happened at work and the rest of the gang are thinking to themselves, denoted by italics.]</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> So I told Carl, <20>Nobody, no matter how famous their parents are,
nobody is allowed to climb on the dinosaur.<2E> But of course this went in one ear and
out.....</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> <i>I love how he cares so much about stuff. If I squint I can pretend
he<EFBFBD>s Alan Alda.</i></p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> <i>Oh good, another dinosaur story. When are those gonna become extinct?</i></p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> <i>If I was a superhero who could fly <b>and</b> be invisible, that
would be the best.</i></p>
<p><b>Gunther:</b> <i>What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel. I wish she was my
wife.</i></p>
<p>(Joey is singing in his head.)</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> <i>Who<EFBFBD>s singing?</i></p>
<b>
<p align="center"><b>Opening Credits</b></p>
</b>
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there including Janice, they<65>re
watching <i>Happy Days</i>.]</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey. When you guys were kids and you played <i>Happy Days</i>, who were
you? I was always Richie.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> I was always Joanne.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Question. Was ah, <20>Egg the Gellers!<21> the war cry of your
neighbourhood?</p>
<p>(A commercial for the Mattress King, Janice<63>s ex-husband, comes on TV.)</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ewww! Oh! It<49>s the Mattress King!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Booo!!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Janice) Don<6F>t look honey. Change the channel! Change the
channel!</p>
<p><b>Janice:</b> Wait! Wait! I wanna see this. After I divorce him, half of that kingdom
is gonna be mine.</p>
<p><b>Matress King:</b> (on TV) <i><EFBFBD>Despair fills the mattress showroom. My kingdom
is suddenly without a queen. I<>m so depressed I<>m going to slash... my prices!!
Check it out! Four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set! I<>m going medieval on
prices!</i></p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What a wank!</p>
<p><b>Janice:</b> Oh, I cannot believe he<68>s using our divorce to sell mattresses.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> I know! And four ninety-nine for a pillow top queen set, who cares about
the divorce, those babies will sell themselves. (they all stare at her) And I<>m
appalled for you by the way.</p>
<p><b>Matress King:</b> (on TV) <i>I<EFBFBD>m close. I<>m cheap. I<>m the king.</i></p>
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is on the phone, everyone else is there except Joey.]</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> <20>Okay. (listens) Okay, daddy we<77>ll see you tomorrow night.
(listens) Okay bye-bye.<2E> (hangs up)</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> We?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Are ah, having dinner with my Dad tomorrow night, I hope that<61>s
okay.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh shoot, tomorrow<6F>s not so good, I<>m supposed to um, fall off
the Empire State building and land on a bicycle with no seat. Sorry.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross, my father doesn<73>t hate you.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Please, he refers to me as <20>wethead<61>.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> But honey he calls everybody by a nickname! Okay, look, I know, all
right, just one dinner, please, just one night for me, please. I just want him to love you
like I do. (Ross looks at her) All right, well not exactly like I do, but, but, if you do
come to dinner, I<>ll love you like I do in that black thing that you like.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (leaning in) I<>ll go.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Fine.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thank you.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi Gunther.</p>
<p><b>Gunther:</b> Yeah, we<77>ll see!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey, you guys!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Guess what?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> I got a gig!</p>
<p><b>All:</b> Yay!!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> See, that<61>s why I could never be an actor. Because I can<61>t
say gig.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, I can<61>t say croissant. (realises) Oh my God!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> What<61>s the part?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, it<69>s not a part, no. I<>m teaching acting for soap operas
down at the Learning Extension.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Come on! That<61>s great.</p>
<p><b>All:</b> Wow!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, yeah. It<49>s like my chance to give something back to the acting
community.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Y<>know your probably not allowed to sleep with any of your students.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (glares at him) I know!</p>
<p>[Scene: Mattress King, Monica and Phoebe are shopping for a new mattress.]</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ugh! I don<6F>t know Monica. It feels funny just being here. I mean if
you buy a bed from Janice<63>s ex-husband, that<61>s like betraying Chandler.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Not at these prices.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (sees a little kid playing with a race car bed) (to kid) Hi. Y'know in
England this car would be on the other side of the store. (the kid just stares at her, and
she makes the <20>that went right over your head<61> motion) Woo!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> (lying down on a mattress) Oh! Ohhhhh! Oh! Phoebe, come here. Aw, this
is my new bed. You gotta feel this bad boy.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Eh, Monica it, it feels so weird, y'know, Chandler<65>s your friend...
(hops onto the bed) Oh! Oh my God! Aw, all right take this bed, you can make other
friends.</p>
<p>[Scene: Classroom. Joey is writing his name on the board, but turns around before
he<EFBFBD>s done which causes him to write his name with a downward curve, and he then
underlines it, and draws the line right through his name.]</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Good evening. I<>m Mr. Tribbiani. And I will be teaching acting for
soap operas. Now um, on my first day as (proudly) Dr. Drake Remoray on <i>Days of Our
Lives</i>, (looks for a reaction from his students, and gets none.) I learned that one of
the most important things in soap opera acting is reacting, this does not mean acting
again, it means, you don<6F>t have a line, but someone else just did. And it goes like
this. (looks all intense for a moment and then gasps, the students cheer him) Thanks,
thanks, a lot. Oh, by the way, before I forget to work in soap operas some of you will
have to become much more attractive. All right, moving right along.</p>
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering, Phoebe is already there waiting for the
delievery guy.]</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hi!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey! Ooh! How was teaching last night?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh it was great. Yeah, you get to say stuff like, <20>Hey, the bell
doesn<EFBFBD>t dismiss you, <b>I</b> dismiss you.<2E></p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooooh, nice.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, and guess what, I got an audition for <i>All My Children</i>.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, yay!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, it<69>s this great part, this boxer named Nick. And I<>m so,
so right for it, y'know, he<68>s just like me. Except he<68>s a boxer, and has an evil
twin.</p>
<p>(There is a knock on the door.)</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh. (goes and answers the door and there is this <b>huge</b> black
delievery guy.) </p>
<p><b>Guy:</b> Dom da-da dom! Here ye! Here ye! Delivery from the Mattress King. (to
Phoebe) You Miss Geller?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
<p><b>Guy:</b> Sign here. (hands her a clipboard)</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, do I have a middle name. All right Monica Velula Geller. It<49>s
that bedroom there. (points to Monica<63>s room)</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress King?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, so please, please, please, don<6F>t say anything to Chandler.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> You want me to lie to Chandler?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Is that a problem?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> No.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, hey, hey Nick the boxer let<65>s see what you got. All right ya,
put <20>em up. Come on. (they start shadow boxing)</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, you<6F>re ah, pretty good at this.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, well I had to learn, I was staying at the Y and some off the young
men weren<65>t acting Christian enough.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ahh!</p>
<p>(Joey throws a punch and just lightly taps her on the shoulder, Phoebe counters with a
jab to the nose.)</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey now!</p>
<p>(Phoebe throws another jab, and lands it on Joey<65>s nose, causing it to bleed.)</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!!! Oww!! And I<>m bleeding.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! Oh! Oh!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, great.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wow! And I<>m a vegetarian! All right, all right, well I<>m
sorry, we<77>ll put some ice on it. </p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> <20>Kay, put your head back.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right. I can<61>t see.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right, I have ya. Oh God.</p>
<p><b>Guy:</b> Which bedroom do ya want it in Miss Geller?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, it<69>s the compulsively neat one by the window, okay.</p>
<p><b>Guy:</b> Gotcha. (he and his helper walk in carrying the racecar bed.)</p>
<p>[Scene: Restaurant, Rachel and Ross and Dr. Green are having dinner.]</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi Daddy!</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> This where they put it? What, there no table available in the
kitchen! Hello, baby.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You remember Ross.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Um-hmm.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Nice to see you again Dr. Green. </p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> So! (they both try to sit next to Rachel but Dr. Green is
successful.) (to Ross) How<6F>s the library?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ugh, museum.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> What happened to the library?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> There never was a library. I mean there are libraries, its just that I ah,
I never worked at one.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> You know what<61>s really good here, the lobster. What do you say
shall I just order three.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, if you<6F>re really hungry. (Dr. Green stares at him) It was a
joke, I made a joke.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, actually Daddy Ross is allergic to lobster.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> What kind of person is allergic to lobster? I guess the kind of
person that works at a library.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> It<49>s not a library...</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> (interrupting him) I know!! It<49>s a museum! What, you<6F>re the
only one around here who can make a joke! At least mine was funny. Ah, waiter, we will
have two lobsters and a menu. (nods at Ross, and mouths I don<6F>t know to the waiter.)</p>
<p>[Scene: After dinner.]</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> So, Dr. Green, how<6F>s the old boat.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> They found rust. You know what rust does to a boat?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> It gives it a nice antiquey look.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> (he stares at Ross) Rust, is boat cancer, Ross.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Wow. I<>m sorry, when I was a kid I lost a bike to that. (Rachel
giggles at that)</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Excuse me for a moment, will you please, I want to say good night to
the Levines, before we go.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay! (picks up a knife and pretends to stab his heart.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Aw honey stop! It<49>s not that bad.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah. (sees the bill) Op! Uh-oh! I think your Dad must<73>ve added
wrong. He only tipped like four percent.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah. That<61>s Daddy.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> That<61>s Daddy?! But doesn<73>t it bother you? You<6F>re a
waitress.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes, it bothers me Ross, but y'know if he was a regular at the coffee
house, I<>d be serving him sneezers.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> So?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> So. Ross, I<>ve bugged him about this a million times, he<68>s not
gonna change.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> You really serve people sneezers?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well um, <b>I</b> don<6F>t.</p>
<p><b>Dr Green:</b> You kids ready?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Thanks again, Dr. Green.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> All right.</p>
<p>(Ross takes a twenty and slips it underneath the bill when Dr. Green isn<73>t
looking.)</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, I think I forgot my receipt.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, ah, you don<6F>t need that.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Why not?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> The carbon, it<69>s messy, I mean it gets on your fingers and causes,
the, the ah, night blindness.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> (gets his receipt and notices the twenty) What is this? Who put a
twenty down here? Huh?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, yeah, that would be me, um, I have, I have a problem I-I tip way too
much, way, way, too much, it<69>s a sickness really.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah it is, it is. (to Ross) We really, really have to do something
about that.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> I know.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Excuse me, you think I<>m cheap?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh Daddy, no he didn<64>t mean anything by that, he really
didn<EFBFBD>t.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Nothing I do means anything, really.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> This is nice. I pay two hundred dollars for dinner, you put down
twenty, and you come out looking like Mr. Big Shot. You really want to be Mr. Big Shot?
Here, I<>ll tell you what, you pay the whole bill, Mr. Big Shot, all right. (rips up
the bill, and throws it at Ross, then leaves)</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well Mr. Big Shot is better than <20>wethead<61>.</p>
<p>[Scene: Classroom, Joey is lecturing on facial expressions.]</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, I<>ve never been able to cry as
an actor, so if I<>m in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a
pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, let<65>s say I wanna convey that
I<EFBFBD>ve just done something evil. That would be the basic <20>I have a fishhook in my
eyebrow and I like it<69> (Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend
fishhook.) Okay, let<65>s say I<>ve just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try
and divide 232 by 13. (looks all confused) And that<61>s how it<69>s done. Great soap
opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.</p>
<p><b>Student:</b> Hey, Mr. Trib.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey-hey.</p>
<p><b>Student:</b> Guess what, I got an audition!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Awww, one of my students got an audition. I<>m so proud.</p>
<p><b>Student:</b> I was wondering if you would consider coaching me for it?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> You bet! What<61>s the part?</p>
<p><b>Student:</b> Oh it<69>s great, it<69>s a role on <i>All My Children</i>, Nick
the boxer.</p>
<p>(Joey does the <20>232 divided by 13 bad news<77> look.)</p>
<p align="center"><b>Commercial Break</b></p>
<p>[Scene: Hallway, Ross and Rachel are returning from dinner.]</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You had to do it, didn<64>t you? You couldn<64>t just leave it
alone.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Four percent. Okay. I tip more than that when there<72>s a bug in my
food.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross, tonight was about the two of you getting along. (Ross groans and
rubs his neck) Oh, would you just see my chiropractor, already.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, I<>m gonna go to a doctor who went to school in a mini-mall.</p>
<p>(they go into Monica and Rachel<65>s, and see Phoebe hopping around.)</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey Pheebs, what are you doing?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I<>m, I<>m freaking out! Monica kinda trusted me with something
and she shouldn<64>t have! All right, I haven<65>t lived here in a while, so I have to
ask you something. Does Monica still turn on the lights in her bedroom?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Um. yeah.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I am <b>soo</b> dead. (goes to Monica<63>s room)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right, look, here<72>s the bottom line Ross, this is fixable, if
we act fast, okay. So, I<>ll invite him to brunch tomorrow and you can make nice.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Look, honey, I have tried to make nice, it doesn<73>t work.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, look, Ross, I realise that my Father is difficult, but that<61>s
why you have got to be the bigger man here.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Look sweetie, I could be the bigger man, I could be the biggest man, I
could be a big, huge, giant man, and it still wouldn<64>t make any difference, except
that I could pick your Father up and say <20>Like me! Like me tiny doctor!<21></p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, well can<61>t you just try it one more time Ross? For me? For
me?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Rachel one brunch is not gonna solve anything. You gotta face it, okay
we<EFBFBD>re never gonna get along.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, well you are just gonna have too, okay. Because I already got a
Mother and a Father who cannot stay in the same room together, okay, I don<6F>t wanna
have to have a separate room for you too!! (starts to cry)</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, okay, okay. (hugs her) I<>ll get the bagels.</p>
<p>[Scene: Monica<63>s bedroom, Phoebe is trying to hide the bed from Monica.]</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> (sees the bed) What<61>s this?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Isn<73>t it cool! Varoom! Varoom!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> This is not the bed I ordered!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I know, you must<73>ve won like a contest or something! </p>
<p>(Phoebe starts to make a sound like a car accelerating)</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Phoebe!</p>
<p>(Phoebe makes a sound like a car screeching to a halt.)</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why is this car in my bedroom?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I<>m sorry, okay, I-I wasn<73>t looking, and the store says that
they won<6F>t take it back because you signed for it...</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> When did I sign for it?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> When I was you! Y'know what, it<69>s all Joey<65>s fault,
<EFBFBD>cause he left his nose open!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Did you make brownies today?</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Knock, knock.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> (to Phoebe) Quick, take off your dress, he won<6F>t notice the bed.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, I<>m going for sushi does anybody want.. (enters and sees the
bed) Whoa-whoa, somebody missed the off ramp.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It<49>s Monica<63>s bed. What?</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay. (to Monica) It<49>s a racecar.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So. This has always been Monica<63>s bed, what you<6F>re just
noticing now, how self-involved are you?</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, well it this bed isn<73>t new, how come there is plastic on
the mattress?</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Sometimes I have bad dreams. (starts to break down, and Phoebe offers
her, her hand to comfort her.)</p>
<p>[Scene: Classroom, Joey is coaching his student.]</p>
<p><b>Student:</b> Look, I just saw my best friends brains smeared across the canvas,
that<EFBFBD>s not gonna be me, not me.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Wow! That was good. That was...(points to his pocket) Tweezers?</p>
<p><b>Student:</b> No.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Whoa. That was really good.</p>
<p><b>Student:</b> Thanks, any suggestions?</p>
<p>(Joey gets the evil look on his face.)</p>
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are there, yelling at Joey.]</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You told him to play the boxer gay!!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, I-I might<68>ve said supergay.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You totally screwed him over.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Joey, you<6F>re this guy<75>s teacher. I mean how could you do this?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Because, Monica, the guy<75>s so good, and I really, really want this
part.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, if you really, really want it, then it<69>s okay.</p>
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is greeting her Father for their brunch.]</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (opening the door) Hi Daddy.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Baby. Ross.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Dr. Green. How are you? (offers his hand, and Dr. Green puts his scarf on
it.)</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Thanks for dinner last night.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Nice hair. What<61>d ya do? Swim here?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Rachel) Okay, that<61>s it, I can<61>t take it anymore.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What? What? He<48>s interested in you. He-he likes your hair, he just
wants to know how you got here.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, please. Sweetie it<69>s hopeless, okay, I<>m just gonna go.
(starts to leave rubbing his neck)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Look, look I<>m sorry. It<49>s just that....</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Ross? What<61>s with the neck?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> He<48>s got this thing. And I keep telling him to go to my
chiropractor...</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> You<6F>re still going to that chiropractor, that man couldn<64>t
get into medical school in Extapa!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Thank you! That<61>s what I keep saying.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Excuse me, Dr. Bobby happens to be an excellent doctor.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Wait a minute, his name is Dr. Bobby?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well that<61>s his last name.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> And his first name.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> He<48>s Bobby Bobby?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It<49>s Robert Bobby.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Oh.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> And um, excuse me, he helps me.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh-ho please. Ask her how?</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> What do you need help for?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> With my alignment. I<>ve got one leg shorter than the other.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Oh God!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Argue with that.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What? It<49>s true, my right leg is two inches shorter.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Come on! You<6F>re just titling! (to Ross) Her legs are fine!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> I know that!</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I<>m sorry, let her?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> What can I do, she doesn<73>t listen to me about renter<65>s insurance
either.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Wait a minute, you don<6F>t have renter<65>s insurance?!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No.</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Well what if somebody steals something? How are you gonna run after
him with one leg shorter than the other?!</p>
<p>(Both he and Ross start laughing)</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, would you ah, would you like some juice?</p>
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> I<>d love some juice. Thanks.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay. (to Rachel) Wow! This is going so well. Did you see us? Did you see?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah honey, I<>m standing right there! Why didn<64>t you just tell
him about the mole I haven<65>t got checked yet.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Excellent!</p>
<p>[Scene: Classroom, Joey is talking to his students.]</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (sadly) There will come a time in each of your careers when you<6F>ll
have a chance to screw over another soap opera actor. I had such an opportunity in the
recent, present. And I<>m ashamed to say that I took it, I advised a fellow actor to
play a role, homosexually. Yeah, we both auditioned for the part, and uh, as it turned
out, they ah, they liked the stupid gay thing and cast him. And now, he<68>s got a two
year contract opposite Susan Luchhi, the first lady of daytime television, and me, me
I<EFBFBD>m stuck here teaching a bunch of people, most of whom are too ugly to even be on
TV. I<>m sorry, I<>m sorry, I<>m sorry. (he gets a huge round of applause from
his students.) Thank you.</p>
<p>[Scene: Mattress King, Monica is trying to return her bed.]</p>
<p><b>Jester:</b> Uh, may I help you?</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, I talked to you on the phone, I<>m the lady that got stuck
with the racecar bed.</p>
<p><b>Jester:</b> Look, it<69>s like I told you, there<72>s nothing I can do. You
signed for it, Monica Velula Geller.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, Jester man, look we wanna see the king.</p>
<p><b>Jester:</b> Nobody sees the king!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh-ho-kay, I<>m talking to the king. (starts to go to a back room)</p>
<p><b>Jester:</b> Hey! You can<61>t go back there!</p>
<p>(Joey goes to the door, but stops and looks through the window at Janice and the
Mattress King, her ex-husband, kissing.)</p>
<p><b>Janice:</b> Oh my God.</p>
<p>(Joey fakes a scream.)</p>
<p align="center"><b>Closing Credits</b></p>
<p>[Scene: Monica<63>s bedroom, Chandler is playing with the bed.]</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Varrrrrroom! Hey! Watch it lady! Varrrrrrrrrrom! (makes a screeching
sound as he pretends to stomp on the brakes.) Hey-hey good lookin<69>! (honks the
bed<EFBFBD>s little horn on the steering wheel.) Varrrrrrrrroom. (notices Rachel and stops)
All right, I<>ll leave. My bed<65>s so boring.</p>
</font>
<p align="center"><strong><font size="3">End</font></strong></p>
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