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<h1 align="center">The One With The Worst Best Man Ever</h1>
<hr>
<p>Teleplay by: Michael Curtis<br>
Story by: Seth Kurland<br>
Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
<hr>
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, Phoebe is returning from the bathroom.]</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (angrily) That<61>s like the tenth time I<>ve peed since I<>ve
been here!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> That<61>s also like the tenth time you told us.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, oh I<>m sorry, it must be really hard to hear! I tell ya,
it<EFBFBD>s a lot easier having three babies play Bringing in the Noise, Bringing in da Funk
on your bladder! I<>m so sick of being pregnant! The only happiness I get is from a
cup of coffee, which of course is decaf, <20>cause<73>Oh! I<>m pregnant!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Pheebs, did<69>you want a cookie?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (starting to cry) Thank you so much.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> So uh, Pheebs, honey, how are those mood swings coming?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I haven<65>t really had any yet.</p>
<p>(Monica, Joey, and Chandler all shake their heads.)</p>
<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are there as Ross enters.]</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey guys!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> All right, here<72>s the ring. (Shows Chandler the wedding ring he plans
on giving Emily) </p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (shocked) Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> So uh, any ideas for the bachelor party yet?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Whoa-whoa-whoa! Before you start handing out wedding rings and planning
bachelor parties, don<6F>t you have to decide who your best man is gonna be?</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, it<69>s awkward. It<49>s awkward. It<49>s awkward.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> I sort<72>ve already asked Chandler.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> What?! He got to do it at your first wedding!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Joey, I figured you<6F>d understand. I mean, I-I<>ve known him a lot
longer.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Come on Ross! Look, I-I don<6F>t have any brothers; I<>ll never get
to be a best man!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You can be the best man when I get married.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (pause) I<>ll never get to be a best man!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Chandler) Wait-wait, so, you get to be my best man twice and I never
get to be yours at all?</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh no-no-no, you<6F>yeah, of course you get to be my best man.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (impatiently tapping Chandler on the shoulder) What about me?! You-you
just said I could!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I<>m not even getting married! Okay, this is a question for
science fiction writers!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> I can<61>t believe you<6F>re not picking me.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, how can it <b>not</b> be me?!HeyHey!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I<>m not even<65> I<>m not even<65></p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Fine, y<>know what, that<61>s it. From now on, Joey, I want you to
be my best man.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yes! (to Chandler) Shame about you man.</p>
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (to her babies) Stop it!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> One of the babies is kicking.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> I thought that was a good thing.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It<49>s not kicking me, it<69>s kicking one of the other babies. Oh
(looks down her dress)! Don<6F>t make me come in there!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Do you guys have like a big bowl I can borrow?</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, there<72>s one right under the cabinet. </p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (grabs it) Thanks.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why do you need it?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, we<77>re having a big party tomorrow night. Later! (Starts for the
door.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Whoa! Hey-hey, you planning on inviting us?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Nooo, later. (Walks out the door.)</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!! Get your ass back here, Tribbiani!! (Joey walks back in, scared.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hormones!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> What Phoebe meant to say was umm, how come you<6F>re having a party
and we<77>re not invited?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, it<69>s Ross<73>s bachelor party.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Sooo?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Are you bachelors?</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Nooo!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Are you strippers?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Nooo!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Then you<6F>re not invited. (Starts for the door again.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right fine! You<6F>re not invited to the party we<77>re gonna
have either.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh-whoa, what party?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well umm<6D></p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> The baby shower for Phoebe!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Baby shower. Wow! That sounds sooo like something I don<6F>t want to do!
Later! (Finally, he makes his exit.)</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I can<61>t believe I<>m gonna have a party! This is so great!
(Really excited) A party! (Really, really excited) Yay!! (Suddenly, she starts crying and
Rachel moves to comfort her.) I don<6F>t know why.</p>
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are talking over party plans.]</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> This is what I<>ve got going for the party so far, liquor wise. Get a
lot of liquor.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Great. Great.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, now uh, in terms of the invite list, I<>ve got you, me, and
Chandler and I<>m gonna invite Gunther <20>cause, well, we<77>ve been talking
about this pretty loud.</p>
<p><b>Gunther:</b> I<>ll be there.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right<68>oh! Listen, I know this is your party, but I<>d really
like to the number of museum geeks that are gonna be there.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah. Tell ya what, let<65>s not invite any of the anthropologists, only
the dinosaur dudes!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay! We<57>ll need a six-pack of <i>Zima</i>.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering) Hey guys, what are you doing?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, just planning my bachelor party with my best man.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, well, good luck trying to top the last one.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, see, I don<6F>t think it<69>s gonna that difficult considering
this one <b>won<EFBFBD>t</b> be taking place in the basement of a <i>Pizza Hut</i>.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, I<>m Ross. I<>m Ross. I<>m too good for the Hut;
I<EFBFBD>m too good for the Hut.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just
remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing
poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> You got it.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, see ya later.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> See ya. (Ross exits, and Chandler moves over next to Joey, laughing.)
Have fun planning your mellow bachelor party.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, there<72>s gonna be strippers there. He didn<64>t say anything
about no strippers.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> He just said, "No strippers."</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, I chose not to hear that.</p>
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is returning from shopping and Rachel is there.]</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Look what I got! Look what I got! Look what I got! (She shows Rachel
what she bought. She bought a little leather jacket and a little cowboy outfit for the
babies.) Can you believe they make these for little people?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Little village people.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, look at this one. This is my favourite. (It<49>s a little pink
and white dress for the girl baby.)</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, that is so sweet!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> I know! Phoebe is gonna love dressing them in these!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Huh. Except, Phoebe<62>s not gonna be the one that gets to dress them.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Because she<68>s not gonna get to keep the babies.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God! We are throwing the most depressing baby shower ever!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wait a minute! Unless, we give her all gifts she can use after
she<EFBFBD>s done being pregnant. Like-like umm, regular coffee, Tequila.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, and somebody can get those leather pants she<68>s always wanted!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, she<68>s gonna love that!</p>
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe<62>s baby shower, she is holding those leather
pants, and isn<73>t happy about it.]</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What the hell is this?! What, did you actually thought it would make me
feel better to give me stuff that I can<61>t use for another two months?! This sucks!
All right, what<61>s my next present?!</p>
<b>
</b><p><b>All:</b> I don<6F>t have anything. (All of the rest of the women there hide their
gifts behind their backs.)</p>
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross<73>s bachelor party. Ross is thanking Joey for the
party.]</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey listen man, about the stripper<65></p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Good call!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (banging a spoon against his beer bottle) Okay, a little announcement,
a little announcement. I<>ve decided that my best man is, my best friend Gunther!</p>
<p><b>Gunther:</b> What<61>s my last name?</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Central Perk?</p>
<p><b>Gunther:</b> (to Ross) Thanks for not marrying Rachel. (He starts to leave.)</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh-whoa-wait, Gunther don<6F>t-don<6F>t forget your shirt. (He gives
Gunther his shirt and Gunther leaves.)</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey-hey, what are those?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, little party favours, check it out! (It<49>s a shirt that reads,
"Ross Geller, Bachelor Bash 1998")</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Wow! Yeah!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh-oh! (Shows him what<61>s on the back, "Best Man Joey Tribbiani,
with a huge picture of him.)</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (banging on the bottle again) Okay, okay, a little announcement, I
just want everyone to know that the position of my best man is still open! And uh, (to the
stripper) so is the position of the bride.</p>
<p><b>The Stripper:</b> Great!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Smooth man. Yeah, you got some chilie on your neck. (Chandler checks and
runs into the bathroom.) Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone, this-this was great.
And hey! See you guys Monday morning. (They museum geeks wave at him.) Thanks Joey.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, hey, don<6F>t forget your shirt.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, thanks! (Takes it and throws it back into the box and leaves.)</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, hey, museum geeks, party<74>s over. Okay. Wave bye-bye to the nice
lady. There you go. Back to your parent<6E>s basement. All right. (The museum geeks exit
and Joey unlocks his door and lets the chick and the duck out.) Come on boys, come on out!
Here you go. All right.</p>
<p><b>The Stripper:</b> Ohhh, look at the little birdies! Are those yours?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah!</p>
<p><b>The Stripper:</b> Wow, I didn<64>t know they let you keep chickens and ducks as
pets.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh yeah-yeah. And I got the duck totally trained. Watch this. Stare at the
wall. (The duck complies.) Hardly move. (The duck complies.) Be white. (The duck
complies.)</p>
<p><b>The Stripper:</b> You are really good at that. So uh, I had fun tonight, you throw
one hell of a party.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh thanks. Thanks. It was great meetin<69> ya. And listen if any of my
friends gets married, or have a birthday, or a Tuesday<61></p>
<p><b>The Stripper:</b> Yeah, that would be great. So I guess umm, good night.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh unless you uh, you wanna hang around.</p>
<p><b>The Stripper:</b> Yeah?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah. I<>ll let you play with my duck.</p>
<p>[Scene: Joey<65>s bedroom, it<69>s the middle of the night, he<68>s waking up and
discovers he<68>s alone in bed.]</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, (realises he doesn<73>t know her name.) stripper! (He notices that
the ring box is open, so he picks it up, sees it<69>s empty and starts to panic.)</p>
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it<69>s continued from earlier. Joey is now waking
Chandler and telling him the news.]</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (running and banging on Chandler<65>s door) The stripper stole the
ring!! The stripper stole the ring!! Chandler! Chandler, get up! Get up! The stripper
stole the ring!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (opening the door) What?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> The ring is gone!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ugh. Just a sec, give me a minute to wake up for this<69>Ah-ha-ha!!
You lost the ring! You<6F>re the worst best man ever!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Dude, this isn<73>t funny! What am I gonna do?! I go to bed last night,
everything<EFBFBD>s cool! I wake up this morning, the stripper<65>s gone and the ring is
gone!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You slept with the stripper?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Of course!! (Shrugs.)</p>
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is entering, Monica and Rachel are talking on the couch.]</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hi, guys.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi! Phoebe. (Both Monica and her try to move out of Phoebe<62>s way.)</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hi Phoebe.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I-I wanted to apologise if I<>y<EFBFBD>know seemed a tad edgy
yesterday at my shower. Y<>know it<69>s just the hormones, y<>know.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No we<77></p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hormones.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> <20>hormones, yeah.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you, it was just, it was so sweet.
(She goes to hug them and they both flinch, thinking that Phoebe is about to attack them.)</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wow, you seem to be doing so much better. That<61>s great. So how-how
are things going?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Good. Y<>know<6F>no-no, okay, it<69>s-it feels like
everything<EFBFBD>s been about me lately, so what<61>s happening with you?</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, well, actually we were just talking about me not going to
Ross<EFBFBD>s wedding.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It just might be too hard, given the history and all that<61></p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wow! This reminds me of the time when I was umm, living on the street
and this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, h-how is this like that?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, let<65>s see, it<69>s not. Really, like that. Because, you see
<b>that</b> was an actual problem, and uh, yours is just like y<>know a bunch of
y<EFBFBD>know high school crap that nobody really gives y<>know<6F></p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (starting to cry) I<>m-I<>m sorry, I just thought that<61></p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Alrighty, here come the water works. (Rachel starts crying harder.)</p>
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is trying to figure out what to do.]</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ugh! I don<6F>t know what I<>m going to do! I called the company
that sent and th-they don<6F>t care! Then I called 9-1-1 and they laughed at me, if this
isn<EFBFBD>t an emergency, then what is?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hey guys!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey<65></p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> I just wanted to thank you again for last night, what a great party! And
the guys from work had a blast. Y<>know, one of them had never been to a bachelor
party before. Yeah! And-and another one had never been to a party before, so<73></p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> So uh, hey, that uh, that wedding ring, huh? Man, that<61>s nice!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, right!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> I was uh, I was thinking I might want to pick one of those babies up for
myself, I might want to get one of those<73></p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> That ring? When my grandmother first came to this country, that ring and
the clothes on her back were all she had with her.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So you might say, the ring is irreplaceable? (Gives Joey a little
squeeze.)</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh absolutely! It has been in my family for generations, and every bride
who has worn it has had a long and happy life.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So you might say, it<69>s a magic ring.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (laughs, softly) Yeah, the stripper stole it.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> My-my ring? My-my wedding ring? The-the stripper stole my wedding ring?!
H-how?! How could this all happen?!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I think it all started when you said, "Hey Joey, why
don<EFBFBD>t you be my best man."</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> (dialling the phone) All right-all right, fine! I-I<>m gonna call the
cops!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Dude, I screwed up, you don<6F>t have to turn me in!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Not on you! On the stripper!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, yeah, well I already did that! They said they<65>re gonna look into
it right after they solved all the murders.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, well, we<77>ll call the company that sent her!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> I did that too! They wouldn<64>t give me her real name or her number.
They said, "If I bothered them again they<65>d call the police." I said,
"If you talk to the police, you tell them I<>m missing a ring!"</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> So what, Joey? Wh-wh-what? What are you telling me? That there<72>s
nothing we can do? Well, how could this happen?!</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Look Ross, I am so-so sorry. I-I-I<></p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, what if we just ah, called her, used a fake name, and had her
come to my office?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, that sounds like fun, but we<77>ve got a ring to find!!</p>
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are cautiously serving Phoebe some tea.]</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Here<72>s your tea Phoebe. (They give it to her and quickly take a
step back.)</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (sips it) It<49>s so good. (Monica and Rachel breath a sigh of
relief.) Oh, thanks.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Good.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> I<>m so glad you liked it.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (sets the cup down) Oh! (Grabs her stomach in pain.)</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?! She made the tea! (Points to Monica.)</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! No, I-I think I just had a contraction.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You what?</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, I thought I had one a couple of minutes ago, and now I know that
was <b>definitely</b> one.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wait, you can<61>t have the baby here! I mean I haven<65>t
sterilised it since the guys moved out!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. It<49>s okay. We<57>re gonna be okay. Y<>know what?
It<EFBFBD>s okay. I<>m gonna, I<>m gonna, I<>m gonna boil some water and just
rip up some sheets!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No. It<49>s all right; it<69>s probably false labour. They said
that, that can happen near the end, just somebody get the book.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Rachel, get the book! The book!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay! (Runs and grabs a book and hands it to Monica.) Okay! Here!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> The Bible?!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don<6F>t know!</p>
<p>[Scene: Chandler<65>s office, the guys are there waiting to ambush the stripper.]</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, okay, this is great, uh, Chandler, you get behind the desk.
And-and when she comes in hopefully, she won<6F>t recognise you because, well, why would
she? Uh, okay, and then you buzz Ross and I. (to Ross) You be Mr. Gonzalez, and I<>ll
be uh, Mr. Wong.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Diverse.</p>
<p>(There<72>s a knock on the door.)</p>
<p><b>The Stripper:</b> Did anybody call for security?</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Ross) You be cool. (He opens the door and lets her in as they all
turn there backs on her.)</p>
<p><b>The Stripper:</b> Okay, which one of you guys is Gunther Central-Perk? (Sees Joey.)
Hey, Joey?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Where<72>s my ring? My dead grandmother<65>s wedding ring? Where is
it? Where is it?</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Way to be cool, man.</p>
<p><b>The Stripper:</b> What<61>s he talking about?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> There was a ring, in a box, on my nightstand, after you left, it was gone!</p>
<p><b>The Stripper:</b> Wait, you guys think I stole some ring?</p>
<b>
</b><p><b>The Guys:</b> Yeah!</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> We know you took so just-just save yourself the time and confess!</p>
<p><b>The Stripper:</b> Okay, who are you? The Hardy boys? Look, I don<6F>t need to
steal some stupid ring, all right? I make $1,600 a week doing what I do; any of you guys
make that?</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Marry me. (Both Ross and Chandler hit him.)</p>
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the guys are now trying to figure out what next to do,
since their plan with the stripper backfired on them.]</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> I don<6F>t get it! It was in my room all night! And if she didn<64>t
take it, and I didn<64>t take it; and you (Chandler) didn<64>t take it, then who did?
(The duck quacks.) Shh! We<57>re trying to think! (Ross and Chandler realise it at the
same moment and stare at Joey, who doesn<73>t get it. After a short pause, with the duck
still quacking, Joey figures it out and starts pointing at the duck.)</p>
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is recovering from her false labour.]</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I still don<6F>t get how you know when it<69>s false labour.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, do you <b>see</b> any babies?</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> How do you feel?</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, I guess. I mean<61> I don<6F>t know, it<69>s just, I guess I
know it<69>s going to be over soon.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, isn<73>t that a good thing? You said you were sick of this.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I know. It<49>s just y<>know usually when you<6F>re, when
you<EFBFBD>re done with the pregnant thing, y<>know, then you get to do the mom thing.
I<EFBFBD>m gonna be y<>know, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking Tequila.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Some moms do that.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay that<61>s even sadder. Look, I know, I know what I got myself
into, it<69>s just that now that they<65>re in me it<69>s like, it<69>s like I
know them y<>know, I mean-I mean, it<69>s just not gonna be easy when these little
babies have to go away.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Aww, sweetie, but it<69>s not like you<6F>re not gonna have
anything. You<6F>re gonna have nieces and nephews, and some ways that<61>s even
better.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, okay.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, really. Really, Pheebs, you<6F>re not gonna be the one worrying
about saving for college, or yelling at them when they<65>re bad, y<>know, or
deciding to put them on Ritalin when they just won<6F>t calm down. Y<>know?</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> I mean, you<6F>re the one they<65>re gonna come to when they wanna
run away from home, and the one they talk to about sex.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> And you just get to be cool Aunt Phoebe!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Cool Aunt Phoebe. I am pretty cool!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> And y<>know what else, oh my God, are they gonna love you.</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> They are gonna love me.</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Thanks you guys! Again.</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, sweetie! (They all hug.)</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You<6F>re the best. Thanks. Oh! </p>
<b>
</b><p><b>Monica and Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Just kidding. Ahh!</p>
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God!</p>
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Got cha again, you guys are so easy.</p>
<p>[Scene: The Animal Hospital, the guys have taken the duck in to remove the ring. Joey
is pacing around like an expectant father.]</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> If anything should happen to him<69></p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Joey! The vet said it<69>s a simple procedure.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> So! Things can go wrong! You don<6F>t know! What if he doesn<73>t make
it?!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> He will, Joe.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, but what if he doesn<73>t? He<48>s such a good duck.</p>
<p>(With that we go into a little flashback about the guys<79> memories of the duck. The
first one is Joey playing with him in the bathtub and drying him off. Then it<69>s
Chandler sitting on his couch after they moved into the girls apartment, and Chandler
reading to him in bed, and him watching <i>Baywatch</i> when all they had was the canoe
and the duck was in a bucket of water. Then we see Ross eating some cereal and the duck
watching him. He takes a lamp and moves the duck off of the table. Then it<69>s Chandler
shooing them out of the bathroom in the girls<6C> apartment, Joey revealing their disco
cubby hole in the entertainment-center, then Chandler playing Hide-and-Go-Seek with them,
and it<69>s concluded with various scenes with the duck flapping it<69>s wings. And
the guys staring into the distance in remembrance of the duck.)</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> I<>m so worried about him, y<>know?</p>
<p><b>The Doctor:</b> (coming in from surgery) Somebody lose a ring?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh my God! Thank you! Thank you so much! (He grabs the ring, kisses it,
and then does a double-take realising where it<69>s been.)</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> H-h-h-how<6F>s the duck?</p>
<p><b>The Doctor:</b> He<48>s doing just fine, he<68>s resting now, but you can see
him in a little bit.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ohh, great! Oh hey, listen Ross, thanks for being so cool about this.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> No, that<61>s all right.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> No, it<69>s not. I mean you-you made me your best man and I totally let
you down!</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, come on, it<69>s not your fault.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, it is! You wouldn<64>t have lost the ring, right? Y<>know
what, Ross you were right from the start, he (Chandler) should be your best man.</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, you should.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Now, don<6F>t argue with me<6D></p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! Hey! Hey! <b>I</b> get to choose my best man, and I want both you
guys. </p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Really?</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> Really?</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, both you guys should be up there with me. I mean, you two are-are
my<EFBFBD> I mean, I<>m lucky to have just one good<6F> (They all start getting
emotional.)</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Thanks man.</p>
<p><b>Joey:</b> (starting to cry) I gotta go check something over here. (He walks away so
that they can<61>t see him cry.)</p>
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What a baby.</p>
<p><b>Ross:</b> Total wuss!</p>
<p>(They both turn and wipe their eyes.)</p>
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
<p>[There was no closing scene, only a preview of the wedding.]</p>
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
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