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why isn't it commiting
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Beppe Vanrolleghem
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Data/Friends/ToConvert/the one with christmast in tulsa.html
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Data/Friends/ToConvert/the one with christmast in tulsa.html
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<!-- saved from url=(0054)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season9/910xmas.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>Untitled Document</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" text="#000000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<p></p>
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<p></p>
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<p> </p>
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<p></p>
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<p>The One With Christmas In Tulsa</p>
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<p></p>
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<p></p>
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<p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<p>Written by: Doty Abrams<br>
|
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Directed by: Kevin S. Bright<br>
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Transcribed by: Stephan Hoffmeister</p>
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<p><br>
|
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--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
|
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<p>[Scene: Monica & Chandler's Apartment, everyone's there. Phoebe recites<br>
|
||||
the last verse of "The Night Before Christmas", written in 1822<br>
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by Clement Clarke Moore (1779-1863), to Joey.]</p>
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<p>Phoebe: ...sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle;<br>
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and away they all flew like the down of a thistle;<br>
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but I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,<br>
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"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight!"</p>
|
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<p>Joey: (impressed) Wow, that was great! You really wrote that?</p>
|
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<p>Phoebe: (smiling) Uh-huh.</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: (coming from the bedroom) Say goodbye elves, I'm off to Tulsa.</p>
|
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<p>Monica: I can't believe you're not gonna be here for Christmas.</p>
|
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<p>Ross: You're really not coming back?</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: Yeah, we have all this paperwork that needs to be filed by<br>
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the end of the year. If I don't get it done, I'll be fired.</p>
|
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<p>Monica: It's so unfair, you don't even like your job!</p>
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<p>Chandler: So, who does?</p>
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<p>(The following responses are overlapping:)</p>
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<p>Phoebe: Oh, I like my job.</p>
|
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<p>Joey: I *love* my job.</p>
|
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<p>Rachel: Yeah, I can't *wait* to go back to work.</p>
|
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<p>Ross: I can't get *enough* dinosaurs!</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: I'm sorry I won't be here.</p>
|
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<p>Monica: It's just... It's hard enough not seeing you during the week,<br>
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but for Christmas... alright, if this is what you have to do,<br>
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I understand.</p>
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<p>Chandler: Thanks. (they kiss) I'll see you new year's day.</p>
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<p>Monica: (shocked) You're not gonna be here new year's eve??</p>
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<p>Chandler: Did I not mention that?</p>
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<p>Monica: No!</p>
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<p>Chandler: (thinks for a second, then waves his arms, exclaiming:)<br>
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...AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! (and runs out of the apartment)</p>
|
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<p><br>
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--- Opening Credits ---</p>
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<p><br>
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[Scene: Chandler's Office in Tulsa, in the conference room. Chandler's<br>
|
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staff/co-workers are sitting round the table; Chandler is walking<br>
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around, when he notices a piece of paper attached to the back of<br>
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his chair.]</p>
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<p>Chandler: All right everybody, I know that it's Christmas eve and you'd<br>
|
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rather be with your familys, but there's *no* call (he takes<br>
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it off) for writing "Screw you, Mr. Bing!" on the back of my<br>
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chair! (he looks at it) -- By the way, you can all call me<br>
|
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Chandler.</p>
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<p>(Wendy enters the conference room, carrying a cardboard box.)</p>
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<p>Wendy: Hey!</p>
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<p>Others: Hey.</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: Hey. Where've you been?</p>
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<p>Wendy: I was, uh, checking out that insurance company's Christmas party<br>
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on three, oh, it was really beautiful, they have all these<br>
|
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decorations and this huge tree and I just, uh... to hell with<br>
|
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them, we have to work. -- So I stole ther ham. (She turns the<br>
|
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cardboard box upside down over the conference table, a big piece<br>
|
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of ham falls out.)</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: (to the others) You hear that? You may not be with your familys,<br>
|
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but at least it's gonna smell like ham in here.</p>
|
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<p>Claudia: My kid's in a play right now.</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: Y'know what, I know what will cheer you guys up! (he starts<br>
|
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spreading envelopes among them) I had a little talk with the<br>
|
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boys in New York, told 'em about all the hard work you've been<br>
|
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doing and that a little Christmas bonus may be in order.</p>
|
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<p>Nick: (reading off his card) "A donation has been made in your name to<br>
|
||||
the New York City Ballet".</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: Well, that's like money in your pocket! - Alright look, you want<br>
|
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me to say it? This sucks. Being here sucks! This work sucks!</p>
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<p>Wendy: *Now* it feels like Christmas.</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: I'm sorry. Hey, at least you guys get to go home and be with<br>
|
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your familys tonight. I have to go back to an empty hotel room<br>
|
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and lay down on a very questionable bedspread. And then tomorrow<br>
|
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morning, you get to have Christmas morning in your own houses,<br>
|
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wich, by the way, none of you have invited me to.</p>
|
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<p>Nick: You can come to my house!</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: Haha, no thanks!</p>
|
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<p>Wendy: That was a nice pep-talk.</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: Oh, thanks! I'm... actually thinking about becoming a<br>
|
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motivational speaker.</p>
|
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<p>Wendy: So, if you were home right now, what would you be doing?</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: Typical Christmas-y stuff, you know? Our holidays are pretty<br>
|
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traditional...</p>
|
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<p></p>
|
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<p>[Flashback to 410 - TOW The Girl From Poughkeepsie]<br>
|
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[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing her holiday song.]</p>
|
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<p>Phoebe: So here is a, a very special holiday song that I wrote for some<br>
|
||||
very important people to me.</p>
|
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<p>(singing) "Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap.<br>
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Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap.<br>
|
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Said all you need is to write them a song.<br>
|
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Now, you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along.<br>
|
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No, don't sing along.</p>
|
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<p>Monica, Moncia, have a happy Hanukkah.<br>
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Saw Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross.<br>
|
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And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy!<br>
|
||||
And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander!!"</p>
|
||||
<p>Happy holidays, everybody!</p>
|
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<p></p>
|
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<p>[Flashback to 610 - TOW The Routine]<br>
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[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment, Chandler is there. Phoebe and<br>
|
||||
Rachel enter.]</p>
|
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<p>Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, you look in the kitchen, I will look in the back<br>
|
||||
closet.</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: I can save you time ladies, I'm right here.</p>
|
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<p>Phoebe: Yeah, Chandler why don't you take a walk? This doesn't concern<br>
|
||||
you.</p>
|
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<p>Rachel: We are looking for our Christmas presents from Monica.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: What? That's terrible!</p>
|
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<p>Phoebe: No-no, we do it every year!</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: Oh well, that, that makes it not terrible.</p>
|
||||
<p>Phoebe: No, yeah, we never find them! She's always best at us, that<br>
|
||||
wily... minx.</p>
|
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<p>Rachel: Don't worry, we're just gonna search here for an hour, and<br>
|
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then we're gonna go over to Joey's and search, OK?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: No not okay, you can't look for Monica's presents!</p>
|
||||
<p>Phoebe: Oh no, we have to!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: No, you don't have to, and you can't because I, I live here too.</p>
|
||||
<p>Phoebe: Well then, you should look with us.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Why?</p>
|
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<p>Rachel: Chandler, aren't you worried about what to get Monica for<br>
|
||||
Christmas?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: No, I have a great idea for a present for her.</p>
|
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<p>Phoebe: Oh, that's it? (Mimics Chandler) A great idea! Oh yeah.</p>
|
||||
<p>Rachel: Chandler, that's not enough. I mean what if she gets you a<br>
|
||||
great present, two medium presents, and a bunch of little<br>
|
||||
presents? And you've just gotten her one great present?<br>
|
||||
I mean that's just gonna make her feel bad. Why would you<br>
|
||||
do that to her Chandler? Why? Why?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: If I help, we can find 'em faster!</p>
|
||||
<p>Rachel: That's right!</p>
|
||||
<p>(Phoebe looks under the couch)</p>
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<p>Phoebe: Ooh ooh, we have a live one!</p>
|
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<p>Rachel: Oh, it's a Macy's bag!</p>
|
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<p>(Phoebe tips it upside down, and a shoe falls out)</p>
|
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<p>Rachel: Oh.</p>
|
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<p>Phoebe: Ooh, who's it for?</p>
|
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<p>Rachel: (Reading from a tag that's attached to the shoe) "Dear losers,<br>
|
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do you really think I'd hide presents under the couch?<br>
|
||||
P.S.: Chandler, I knew they'd break you."</p>
|
||||
<p></p>
|
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<p>[Flashback to 209 - TOW Phoebe's Dad]<br>
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[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out<br>
|
||||
their Christmas presents out of a cardboard box from a case of<br>
|
||||
motor oil.]</p>
|
||||
<p>Joey: Rach, these are for you.</p>
|
||||
<p>Rachel: Wiper blades. I don't even have a car.</p>
|
||||
<p>Joey: No, but with this new car smell, you'll think you do.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: OK, Pheebs, your turn.</p>
|
||||
<p>Phoebe: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I<br>
|
||||
was getting gas?</p>
|
||||
<p>Joey: Uh-huh.</p>
|
||||
<p>Phoebe: You guuuyys.</p>
|
||||
<p>Joey: And for Ross, Mr. Sweet-tooth.</p>
|
||||
<p>Ross: You got me a cola drink?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: And, a lemon lime.</p>
|
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<p>Ross: Well this, this is too much, I feel like I should get you<br>
|
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another sweater.</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: And last but not least.</p>
|
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<p>(Chandler and Joey give Monica a pack of condoms.)</p>
|
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<p>Joey: They're ribbed for *your* pleasure.</p>
|
||||
<p></p>
|
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<p>[Flashback to 710 - TOW The Holiday Armadillo]<br>
|
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[Scene: Monica, Chandler and Phoebe's, Ross is costumed as an Armadillo.]</p>
|
||||
<p>Ross: Ooh, hey Ben, what if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about<br>
|
||||
the Festival of Lights?</p>
|
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<p>Ben: Cool!</p>
|
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<p>Ross: Yeah!</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Come on Ben.</p>
|
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<p>(Monica and Ben sit down on the couch.)</p>
|
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<p>Ross: Years and years ago there were these people called the<br>
|
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Maccabees...</p>
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<p>Chandler: (entering in a Santa costume) Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!</p>
|
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<p>Ben: Santa! (Runs to Chandler and hugs him)</p>
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<p>Chandler: Hey! (Grunts as Ben hits him at full speed.)</p>
|
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<p>Ross: What are you doing here, Santa?</p>
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<p>Chandler: Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben. What are you doing<br>
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here, weird...turtle-man?</p>
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<p>Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo, your part-Jewish friend. You sent<br>
|
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me here to give Ben some presents. Remember?</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: What?</p>
|
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<p>Monica: Okay Ben, why don't you come open some more presents, and Santa,<br>
|
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the Armadillo and I have a little talk in the kitchen? There's<br>
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a sentence I'd never thought I'd say.</p>
|
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<p>(They walk to the kitchen; everyone is lowering their voices)</p>
|
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<p>Ross: (to Chandler) What are you doing?</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: You called everyone and said you were having trouble finding a<br>
|
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Santa costume, so I borrowed one from a guy at work!</p>
|
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<p>Ross: Thank you, but, but you, you gotta leave.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Why?</p>
|
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<p>Ross: Because, I'm finally getting him excited about Hanukkah, and,<br>
|
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and you're-you're wrecking it.</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: But I didn't get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly.</p>
|
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<p>Ross: I'm sorry Chandler, but this, this is really important to me.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Fine, I'll give the suit back.</p>
|
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<p>(Ross turns around and walks back to Ben.)</p>
|
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<p>Monica: (to Chandler) Hey, you think, you can keep it another night?<br>
|
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(She has a really teasing look on her face and keeps twirling<br>
|
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Chandler's beard.)</p>
|
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<p>Chandler: Santa? Really?</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Yeah, is that okay?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Did your Dad ever dress up like Santa?</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: No.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Then it's okaaay! (They kiss.)</p>
|
||||
<p></p>
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Back in the conference room in Tulsa.]</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: You know what, everybody? Go home. You should be with your<br>
|
||||
familys. It's bad enough that we're working new year's eve.</p>
|
||||
<p>(All others are looking up, surprised)</p>
|
||||
<p>Did I not tell *anyone* about new year's eve? -- Alright, look,<br>
|
||||
go! Go home, okay? Merry Christmas! Go.</p>
|
||||
<p>(All are leaving, wishing each other a merry Christmas, peace<br>
|
||||
on earth, etc. Only Wendy stays.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Good, God's speed, good people! (he starts to close the door,<br>
|
||||
turns around and sees Wendy) You're not gonna go?</p>
|
||||
<p>Wendy: Naah... I couldn't leave you alone.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Ah. Thanks.</p>
|
||||
<p>Wendy: Besides, I can't leave until their Christmas party downstairs<br>
|
||||
clears out; there are some *pissed off* insurance people looking<br>
|
||||
for that ham.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Ah. (The phone rings; he answers it) Chandler Bing.</p>
|
||||
<p></p>
|
||||
<p>[Scene change back an forth: Mondler's Apartment, Monica's on the other<br>
|
||||
end of the line. The phone's speaker is turned on, so the rest<br>
|
||||
of the gang, sitting around the phone, can hear Chandler.]</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Hi Honey! We're all here; we just want to wish you a merry<br>
|
||||
Christmas.</p>
|
||||
<p>Others: (simultaneously) Merry Christmas! (except for Phoebe...)</p>
|
||||
<p>Phoebe: (simultaneous to the others) Ble-blah-blar Blargh!</p>
|
||||
<p>(All the others look at her, stunned/incredulous)</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Ahh, merry Christmas; I miss you guys!</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: So is it horrible? Is everybody working really hard?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Ah, well no, it's just uh, me and Wendy.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Wendy? -- That sounds like a girl's name.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: It is. Did I... not tell you about her?</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Umhmm, umhmm, about the time you told me about new year's eve.<br>
|
||||
Where is everybody else?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: I send them home.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Ohh, you are such a good boss! Is she pretty?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Uhh, uh...</p>
|
||||
<p>Ross: (in a low voice) Answer faster, answer faster!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: I don't know!</p>
|
||||
<p>Ross: (in the same low voice) Answer better, answer better!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: I don't think of her that way, you know, she's a, she's a<br>
|
||||
colleague.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: What does she do there?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Oh, she's regional Vice President; She's... just below me.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: She did WHAT?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: BE-LOW me!</p>
|
||||
<p>Joey: Ahh, wait, is Wendy the runner-up Miss Oklahoma?</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: *What*??</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Well, she... she didn't win...</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Alright, well, maybe I should let you and the second prettiest<br>
|
||||
girl in Oklahoma get back to work.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Well, second prettiest that year; I mean, of *all* the girls in<br>
|
||||
Oklahoma, she's probably...</p>
|
||||
<p>Rachel: (interrupting him) Oh Chandler, stop talking!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Honey, there's really nothing to worry about.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Okay.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: I'm serious!</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Okay!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Merry Christmas.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Merry Christmas.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Merry Christmas, you guys!</p>
|
||||
<p>Others: (simultaneously) Yeah, Merry... Christmas. (again, Phoebe...)</p>
|
||||
<p>Phoebe: (simultaneous to the others) Blah blargah, blar-blab.</p>
|
||||
<p>(Again the others just look at her, silent, puzzled.)</p>
|
||||
<p></p>
|
||||
<p>[Scene: back in the conference room in Tulsa]</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: (hanging up the phone) The wife says "Hi!".</p>
|
||||
<p>Wendy: Ah. Fun conversation?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Ah well, she's got this weird idea, that, uh, y'know, just<br>
|
||||
because you and I are alone, that something is gonna happen.</p>
|
||||
<p>Wendy: Huh? Really? -- Hm, that'd be so terrible? (She gets hold of<br>
|
||||
Chandler's tie, slowly moving her hands upwards on the tie,<br>
|
||||
getting closer and closer to him, seductive.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: This is probably the wrong thing to be worrying about, but...<br>
|
||||
you're getting ham on my only tie.</p>
|
||||
<p>(She's getting closer to him, the scene fades to black.)</p>
|
||||
<p></p>
|
||||
<p>[Scene: The conference room in Tulsa again, Chandler is trying to evade<br>
|
||||
Wendy]</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Whoa-ho, back off, Missy! (He takes a step back, but she still<br>
|
||||
keeps her grip on his tie.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Wendy: (laughs) ...Missy?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: I don't know; I'm not used to girls making passes at me! ...<br>
|
||||
(She lets go of his tie) Wait a minute... am I sexy in Oklahoma?</p>
|
||||
<p>Wendy: You are to me... (She gets closer again, putting her arms around<br>
|
||||
his waist/chest.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: (flattered) No,... no... (realizing) NO! (He quickly gets several<br>
|
||||
steps away from her.) Look, I'm, I'm married!</p>
|
||||
<p>Wendy: So? I'm married. (Showing him the ring on her finger.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: I'm *happily* married.</p>
|
||||
<p>Wendy: Oh. What's *that* like?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Right. So, I'm sorry...</p>
|
||||
<p>Wendy: Seriously? Happily married. So that phone call before, that was<br>
|
||||
... happy?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Well look, it's not easy to spend this much time apart, you know.<br>
|
||||
She's entitled to be a little paranoid... or, in this case:<br>
|
||||
right on money! ... You know, she's amazing, and beautiful, and<br>
|
||||
smart, and if she were here right now, ...she'd kick your ass.<br>
|
||||
Look, you're a really nice person... ham stealing and adultery<br>
|
||||
aside. But, what I have with my wife is pretty great, so nothing<br>
|
||||
is ever gonna happen between us.</p>
|
||||
<p>Wendy: Okay, let me ask you something: if what you and your wife have<br>
|
||||
is so great, then why are you spending Christmas with me?</p>
|
||||
<p>(Chandler starts to think about it...)</p>
|
||||
<p></p>
|
||||
<p>[Flashback to 716 - TOW The Truth About London]<br>
|
||||
[Scene: London, Chandler's hotel room. He was getting ready for bed when<br>
|
||||
Monica pays him a visit and they started talking]</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: I mean, you were the most beautiful woman in the room tonight!</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Really?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: You kidding? You're the most beautiful woman in most rooms...<br>
|
||||
(She jumps up and kisses him.) (Breaking the kiss.)<br>
|
||||
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What's going on? You and I just made out!<br>
|
||||
You and I are making out?</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Well, not anymore.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: But we don't do that.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: I know, I just thought it would be fun.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: How drunk are you?</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Drunk enough that I know I wanna do this. Not so drunk that<br>
|
||||
you should feel guilty about taking advantage.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: (thinks) That's the perfect amount!</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Okay!</p>
|
||||
<p>(They run to the bed, sit down, and start making out again.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: (breaking the kiss) Y'know what's weird?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: What?</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: This doesn't feel weird!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: I know.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: You're a really good kisser.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Well, I have kissed over four women. (They kiss again.) Do you<br>
|
||||
wanna get under the covers?</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Hm-hmm!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Okay!</p>
|
||||
<p>(They do so and they take off their clothes.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Wow! You are really fast!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: We're gonna see each other naked.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Yep!</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Do you wanna do it at the same time?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Count of three?</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: One!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Two!</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Two!</p>
|
||||
<p>Both: Three! (They lift up the covers and check each other out, then<br>
|
||||
come back up with silly grins on their faces.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Well I think it's safe to say that our friendship is effectively<br>
|
||||
ruined.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Eh, we weren't that close anyway!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Eh! (They start making out again)</p>
|
||||
<p></p>
|
||||
<p>[Flashback to 503 - TOW The Triplets]<br>
|
||||
[Scene: A hallway in the hospital, Monica and Chandler are talking.]</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not<br>
|
||||
just goof around with him.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing<br>
|
||||
around in the dictionary... Well, I have, and the technical<br>
|
||||
definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and<br>
|
||||
have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But<br>
|
||||
if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at<br>
|
||||
me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary.<br>
|
||||
I am *so* bad at this.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: I think you're better than you think you are.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Really? Okay, so...</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: (interrupting) Know when to stop.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay?</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Yeah. (They kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts<br>
|
||||
to dance. Without turning around:) Don't do the dance.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Right!</p>
|
||||
<p></p>
|
||||
<p>[Flashback to 524 - TOI Vegas, Part II]<br>
|
||||
[Scene: The Gift Shop, Monica and Chandler are entering.]</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: I can't get married until I get something old, something new,<br>
|
||||
something borrowed, and something blue.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Okay, all right, all right, all right! Okay! (Picks up a blue<br>
|
||||
sweater.) Okay, here's something, here's something blue and new.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: You're so efficient. I love you!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Let's go! (Starts to leave.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: No-no-no, wait! We need something old!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Oh, okay, I have condom in my wallet that I've had since I was<br>
|
||||
twelve.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: That'll work!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: I don't think so.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Okay, now we just need something borrowed!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: (looks around) Here just...take this. (Hands her the sweater.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: That's stealing!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: No, we'll-we'll bring it back! Just put it under your dress.</p>
|
||||
<p>(She does so and it makes her look pregnant.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Ohh. (Rubs her fake stomach.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Okay, one thing at a time. (They run out to get married.)</p>
|
||||
<p></p>
|
||||
<p>[Flashback to 702 - TOW Rachel's Book]<br>
|
||||
[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the<br>
|
||||
wedding book as Monica enters.]</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Listen umm, I've been thinking, it's not fair for me to ask<br>
|
||||
you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you<br>
|
||||
work, you work really hard for that.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Ehh.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Eh, you work for that.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Look, I thought about it too, and I'm sorry. I think we should<br>
|
||||
spend all of the money on the wedding.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: You do?!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Yeah, I'm putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I<br>
|
||||
told you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if<br>
|
||||
having the perfect wedding makes you happy, then, then that's<br>
|
||||
what we're gonna do.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Oh, you're so sweet. (They hug and kiss.) Oh, but wait, what<br>
|
||||
about our, what about the future and stuff?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two<br>
|
||||
kids, y'know? We'll pick our favorite and that one will get<br>
|
||||
to go to college.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: You thought about that?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Yeah.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: How many kids were we gonna have?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: What else did you think about?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Well, stuff like where we'd live, y'know? Like a small place<br>
|
||||
outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their<br>
|
||||
bikes and stuff. Y'know, we could have a cat that had a bell<br>
|
||||
on its collar and we could hear it every time it ran through<br>
|
||||
the little kitty door. Of course, we'd have an apartment over<br>
|
||||
the garage where Joey could grow old.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: (laughs) Y'know what? I-I don't want a big, fancy wedding.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Sure you do.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: No, I want everything that you just said. I want a marriage.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: You sure?</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Uh-hmm.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: I love you so much.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: I love you. (They kiss.)</p>
|
||||
<p></p>
|
||||
<p>[Scene: Mondler's Apartment, everyone except Chandler is there; they're<br>
|
||||
opening their presents]</p>
|
||||
<p>Rachel: (opens her present from Ross; it's a dark-red scarf) Oohh, I<br>
|
||||
love it!</p>
|
||||
<p>Ross: Really? You're not gonna return it?</p>
|
||||
<p>Rachel: Well, not (the|this) second!</p>
|
||||
<p>Phoebe: (at the window) Hey look, you guys, it's snowing!</p>
|
||||
<p>(The others all get up and go to the window.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Rachel: Oh wow, it's so beautiful...</p>
|
||||
<p>Ross: Wow, it really is!</p>
|
||||
<p>(They all stand a moment in silence, staring out of the window.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: "Wendy" is a fat girl name.</p>
|
||||
<p>Phoebe: Aren't we done with that?</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Okay, fine. Let's talk about snow. -- Do you think it's snowing<br>
|
||||
in Tulsa, where my husband is having sex on a copying machine?</p>
|
||||
<p>(Shortly after that, Chandler enters.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Hey!</p>
|
||||
<p>(Surprised, uttering Ahhs and Ohhs, the others are coming<br>
|
||||
over to him.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Ross: Oh my god...</p>
|
||||
<p>Joey: Hey-heeyyy - Look at that, it's a Christmas miracle!</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: What are you doing here?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: I wanted to be with you. I missed you so much.</p>
|
||||
<p>Joey: Hey, hey, uh, who did you miss the most?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Monica.</p>
|
||||
<p>Joey: Got ya. (blinks an eye)</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: I never want to leave you again!</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: But I thought if you left, you get fired.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Turns out they can't fire me. Because I quit.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: What?</p>
|
||||
<p>Ross: What, you, you really quit your job?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Yeah! It's a stupid job, and I could not stand leaving you.<br>
|
||||
And why should I be the only one who doesn't get to do what<br>
|
||||
he *really* wants to do?</p>
|
||||
<p>Rachel: What do you really want to do?</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: (realizing) I have *not* thought this through!</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: Oh my god!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: I know, I, I should have talked to you first about it.</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: No, I think that this is what you wanna do, I think it's great!</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Thanks!</p>
|
||||
<p>Phoebe: Chandler, your being here is the best Christmas present I could<br>
|
||||
have ever imagined.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: (flattered) Ahh...</p>
|
||||
<p>Phoebe: Now give me my real gift.</p>
|
||||
<p>(Chandler hands Phoebe an envelope, and some more to Monica)</p>
|
||||
<p>Phoebe: (to Chandler) Thank you.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: (to Monica) Here, pass these, will ya.. (points to the others)</p>
|
||||
<p>(Monica passes the Envelopes on to Ross, Joey and Rachel.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Ross: Oh, hey...</p>
|
||||
<p>(They all open their envelopes.)</p>
|
||||
<p>Ross: (reading off his card) "A donation has been made in your name<br>
|
||||
to the New York City Ballet." -- How did you know?</p>
|
||||
<p>Rachel: Wha... are you kidding? I can't return this.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: I... thought it was a timely start to thinking about other<br>
|
||||
people. Besides, this gift still says I love you guys.</p>
|
||||
<p>Joey: Mine's is to Lilian Myers.</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: I don't have a *job*!</p>
|
||||
<p><br>
|
||||
--- Closing Credits ---</p>
|
||||
<p><br>
|
||||
[Scene: Mondler's Apartment, Monica is cleaning up, Chandler is sitting<br>
|
||||
on the couch, checking the Job offers in a Newspaper.]</p>
|
||||
<p>Chandler: Actuary... no. Book-keeper... no. Topless dancer... (he looks<br>
|
||||
down on himself, checking, then nods satisfied and marks the<br>
|
||||
offer with a pen) (to Monica:) Hey, d'you know what I just<br>
|
||||
realized? You are the sole wage earner. *You* are the head of<br>
|
||||
the household. I don't do anything - I'm a kept man!</p>
|
||||
<p>Monica: You are! (she picks up a bill from the table, handing it to<br>
|
||||
Chandler) Hey, here's twenty bucks. -- Why don't you go buy<br>
|
||||
yourself something pretty while I'm at work tomorrow?</p>
|
||||
<p>(Chandler looks at the bill, thinking... then looks at the<br>
|
||||
offer in the Newspaper and makes some dancing moves to see<br>
|
||||
if he's up for the job...)</p>
|
||||
<p><br>
|
||||
--- End ---</p>
|
||||
<p> </p>
|
||||
|
||||
|
||||
</body></html>
|
||||
Reference in New Issue
Block a user