{"Content":{ "Cast":["Monica","Chandler","(They change places","Rachel","Joey","Ross","Phoebe","The Pastor","The Casting Director","Frank Sr.","(Silence ensues","Yeah"], "Scenes":{ "0":{"SceneDescription":"NONE","lines":[]}, "1":{ "SceneDescription":" Chandler's bedroom, he is giving Monica a massage.", "lines":[{"Character":"","Line":""}, {"Character":"Monica","Line":"I can't believe we've never done this before! It's sooo good! SoNEWLINEgood for Monica!"}, {"Character":"(Chandler picks up the timer being used and turns it to zero at which it chimes","Line":"Chandler picks up the timer being used and turns it to zero at which it chimes."}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"Oh! Look at that, time's up! My turn"}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"Oh! Look at that, time's up! My turn"}, {"Character":"Monica","Line":"That was a half an hour"}, {"Character":"Monica","Line":"That was a half an hour"}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"It's your timer"}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"It's your timer"}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"It's your timer"}, {"Character":"(They change places","Line":"They change places."}, {"Character":"(They change places","Line":"They change places."}, {"Character":"Monica","Line":"Y'know, I don't like to brag about it, but I give the bestNEWLINEmassages"}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"All right, then massage me up right nice"}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"All right, then massage me up right nice"}, {"Character":"(She starts the massage, only she is doing extremely hard and Chandler is gasping inNEWLINEpain","Line":"She starts the massage, only she is doing extremely hard and Chandler is gasping inNEWLINEpain."}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"Ah! Ahh!! Ahh!"}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"Ah! Ahh!! Ahh!"}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"Ah! Ahh!! Ahh!"}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"Ah! Ahh!! Ahh!"}, {"Character":"Monica","Line":"It's so good, isn't it"}, {"Character":"Monica","Line":"It's so good, isn't it"}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"It's so good I don't know what I've done to deserve it"}, {"Character":"Monica","Line":"Say good-bye to sore muscles"}, {"Character":"Monica","Line":"Say good-bye to sore muscles"}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"Good-bye muscles!"}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"Good-bye muscles!"}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"Good-bye muscles!"}] }, "2":{ "SceneDescription":" Bloomingdale's, Rachel is fixing Joey up with some new clothes.", "lines":[{"Character":"","Line":""}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Okay now Joey, y'know that since you're returning all of this stuffNEWLINEright after the audition you're gonna have to wear underwear"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"All right, then you'd better show me some of that too then"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Okay, it's missing something. Ooh, I know! Umm, okay. (Goes and grabs aNEWLINEbag, that looks like a purse, and shows it to Joey."}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Really? A purse"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Really? A purse"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Really? A purse"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Really? A purse"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Really? A purse"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Really? A purse"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"It's not a purse! It's a shoulder bag"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"It looks like a women's purse"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"It looks like a women's purse"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"No Joey, look. Trust me, all the men are wearing them in the springNEWLINEcatalog. Look. (Shows him.) See look, men, carrying the bag"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"See look, women, carrying the bag. (He puts it on his shoulder andNEWLINElooks at himself in the mirror and likes what he sees.) But it is odd how a women's purseNEWLINElooks good on me, a man"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Exactly! Unisex"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Exactly! Unisex"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Exactly! Unisex"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Exactly! Unisex"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Exactly! Unisex"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Exactly! Unisex"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"No! No Joey! U-N-I-sex"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"No! No Joey! U-N-I-sex"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"No! No Joey! U-N-I-sex"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Well, I ain't gonna say no to that"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Well, I ain't gonna say no to that"}] }, "3":{ "SceneDescription":" Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are on the couch as Joey enters with his newNEWLINEbag.", "lines":[{"Character":"","Line":""}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Hey"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Hey"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Hey"}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"Hey"}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"Hey"}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"Hey"}, {"Character":"(As he walks past both Chandler and Ross notice the bag and stare at each other inNEWLINEshock","Line":"As he walks past both Chandler and Ross notice the bag and stare at each other inNEWLINEshock."}, {"Character":"Chandler","Line":"Wow! You look just like your son Mrs. Tribbiani"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"What? Are you referring to my man's bag? At first, I thought it justNEWLINElooked good, but it's practical too. Check it out! It's got compartments for all yourNEWLINEstuff! Your wallet! Your keys! Your address book"}, {"Character":"Ross","Line":"Your make-up"}, {"Character":"Ross","Line":"Your make-up"}, {"Character":"Ross","Line":"Your make-up"}, {"Character":"Ross","Line":"Your make-up"}, {"Character":"Ross","Line":"Your make-up"}, {"Character":"Ross","Line":"Your make-up"}, {"Character":"Ross","Line":"Your make-up"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"(entering) Joey, what are you doing with the bag? You're audition is notNEWLINEuntil tomorrow"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Yeah, but sandwich time is right now. (Removes a sandwich and startsNEWLINEeating."}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Joey, y'know you get any mustard on that bag, you can't return it"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Joey, y'know you get any mustard on that bag, you can't return it"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Why would I return it? I love this bag"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Why would I return it? I love this bag"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"All right, then you owe me $350"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Fine! Do you take Vasa or Mustercard? (He's holding the fake credit cardsNEWLINEthat come with the bag."}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"(glaring at him) Joey"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"(glaring at him) Joey"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"(glaring at him) Joey"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"(glaring at him) Joey"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"All right relax, look I'll pay you with the money from the acting job I amNEWLINEdefinitely gonna get thanks to you"}, {"Character":"Ross","Line":"What's the part, Anti-man"}, {"Character":"Ross","Line":"What's the part, Anti-man"}, {"Character":"Ross","Line":"What's the part, Anti-man"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Hey, don't listen to them. I think it's sexy"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"U-N-I-sexy? (Smiles provocatively.)"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"U-N-I-sexy? (Smiles provocatively.)"}] }, "4":{ "SceneDescription":" The Funeral Home, continued from earlier. Phoebe is returning after looking forNEWLINEher father.", "lines":[{"Character":"","Line":""}, {"Character":"Monica","Line":"Oh, did you catch him?"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Uh-huh"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Uh-huh"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Uh-huh"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Uh-huh"}, {"Character":"Ross","Line":"Wh-what did he say?"}, {"Character":"Ross","Line":"Wh-what did he say?"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"He said, Nice to meet you Glenda. (They stare at her,NEWLINEdumbfounded) Well, obviously I couldn't give him my real name"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Why?! Why not?"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Why?! Why not?"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Why?! Why not?"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Why?! Why not?"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Come on, you saw the way he ran out of here! What do you think? He'sNEWLINEgonna stick around and talk to the daughter he abandoned"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"What did you say to him"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"What did you say to him"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"What did you say to him"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Well, I said, I told him y'know, that I was the executor person ofNEWLINEFrancis' will and that I needed to talk to him so I'm gonna meet him at the coffee houseNEWLINElater"}, {"Character":"The Pastor","Line":"Could everyone please take their seats"}, {"Character":"The Pastor","Line":"Could everyone please take their seats"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"All right, well, I just can't think about that right now. I just wannaNEWLINEsay good-bye to my Grandma"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Okay"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Okay"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Okay"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Okay"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Okay"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Okay"}, {"Character":"Rachel","Line":"Okay"}, {"Character":"Monica","Line":"All right, let's go say good-bye"}, {"Character":"(They put on their glasses and try to find their way to their seats","Line":"They put on their glasses and try to find their way to their seats."}] }, "5":{ "SceneDescription":" Joey's audition, he is with bag.", "lines":[{"Character":"","Line":""}, {"Character":"The Casting Director","Line":"Any time you're ready, Joey"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"(reading from the script) Well, you must be new here. Why don't we get aNEWLINEtable and I'll buy you a drink"}, {"Character":"The Casting Director","Line":"(stopping him) I'm sorry. Could you, could you try itNEWLINEwithout the purse"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Yeah, sure. (He takes it off and starts reading.) Well, you must be newNEWLINEhere. Maybe we should—I'm sorry, can I ask you something? (He stops and asks aNEWLINEquestion."}, {"Character":"The Casting Director","Line":"Sure. What"}, {"Character":"The Casting Director","Line":"Sure. What"}, {"Character":"The Casting Director","Line":"Sure. What"}, {"Character":"The Casting Director","Line":"Sure. What"}, {"Character":"The Casting Director","Line":"Sure. What"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Well, first it's not a purse"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Well, first it's not a purse"}, {"Character":"The Casting Director","Line":"Okay, anytime"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"I mean if-if you're thinking it's a woman's bag, it's not. It's a man'sNEWLINEbag"}, {"Character":"The Casting Director","Line":"Okayyyy! Anddd, go"}, {"Character":"The Casting Director","Line":"Okayyyy! Anddd, go"}, {"Character":"The Casting Director","Line":"Okayyyy! Anddd, go"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"All right look, let me show you the catalog! (Does so.) See? Huh? It's theNEWLINElatest thing! Everyone's got one! Men! Women! Children! Everyone's carrying them"}, {"Character":"The Casting Director","Line":"Umm, do you sell these bags"}, {"Character":"The Casting Director","Line":"Umm, do you sell these bags"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Noooo. No-no-no, these babies sell themselves"}, {"Character":"The Casting Director","Line":"Okay! Thank you! That was great"}, {"Character":"The Casting Director","Line":"Okay! Thank you! That was great"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Yeah but I didn’t read anything"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Yeah but I didn’t read anything"}, {"Character":"The Casting Director","Line":"I think we've seen enough"}, {"Character":"Joey","Line":"Okay! All right, I'll see ya. (As he's walking off stage.) (Patting theNEWLINEbag.) We got it! We got it"}] }, "6":{ "SceneDescription":" Central Perk, Frank Sr. is just arriving.", "lines":[{"Character":"","Line":""}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Umm, thank you for meeting with me"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Thank you. All right"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Thank you. All right"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Come, sit. (He's hesitant.) Sit. (Still hesitating.) Sit! (He sits onNEWLINEthe arm of the couch.) Umm, all righty, before we get started I just—I need you toNEWLINEstate for the official record that you are in fact Frank Buffay"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Oh yes. Yes, yes, I am, uh-hmm"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Oh yes. Yes, yes, I am, uh-hmm"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Okay"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Okay"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Okay"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Okay"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Okay"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Okay"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"So, what did Francis leave me"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Huh"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Huh"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Huh"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Huh"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Huh"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Huh"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Well, that's why you wanted me to come, right"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Oh yes. Yes. Yeah—no. She did. She left you umm, (looking in herNEWLINEpurse) this lipstick"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Oh. Huh. It's huh, well it's (opens it) oh it's—ew used. Umm,NEWLINEcool"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Oh. Huh. It's huh, well it's (opens it) oh it's—ew used. Umm,NEWLINEcool"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Okay. I have just a few questions to ask so I'm going to get out myNEWLINEofficial forms. (She picks up a couple of crumpled receipts.) Okay, so, question 1) YouNEWLINEand uh, you were married to Francis' daughter Lilly, is that correct"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Yes, yes I was"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Yes, yes I was"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Yes, yes I was"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Okay, umm, question 2) Umm, did that marriage end A. Happily, B. Medium,NEWLINEor C. In the total abandonment of her and her two children"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"It really says that?"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"It really says that?"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"It really says that?"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Yeah. See? (Quickly shows him."}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Yeah. See? (Quickly shows him."}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Well then I guess then I-I would I would have to say C"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Hmm, okay, total abandonment. Okay, reasons for abandonment, A.NEWLINETop secret government work, B. Amnesia, or C. Or you're just a selfish, irresponsible bad,NEWLINEbad man"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Y'know, I don't think I want the lipstick that much. (Gets up toNEWLINEleave.) But umm… Oh, would you do me a favor? And umm, would you, would you giveNEWLINELilly that, please? (Hands her a note."}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"What?"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"What?"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"What?"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"What?"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"What?"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"What?"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"What?"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"What?"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"What?"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"What?"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Well Lilly, when you see Lilly would you give her that, that note?NEWLINEBecause I wanted to talk to her at the memorial but, well I pictured her getting mad at meNEWLINEthe way you got mad at me and I well, I chickened out. So, uh, I wrote her that note,NEWLINEwould you give it to her please"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"But you-you-you came to see Lilly"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"But you-you-you came to see Lilly"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Yeah, yeah. Why"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Yeah, yeah. Why"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Yeah, yeah. Why"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Lilly's dead. (He looks up in shock."}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"She what?"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"She what?"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"She what?"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"She what?"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"She's dead"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"She's dead"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Are you sure"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Are you sure"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Well, if she isn't then cremating her was a big mistake"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"I can't believe this. I just—I can't believe this.NEWLINEHow-how—Oh my God. How long ago"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"17 years ago"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"17 years ago"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"17 years ago"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"17 years ago"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"17 years ago"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"17 years ago"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Oh! What about, what about the girls"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Well, Ursula is a waitress and-and she lives in Soho. And Phoebe,NEWLINE(pause) is on this couch"}, {"Character":"(Silence ensues","Line":"Silence ensues."}, {"Character":"(Silence ensues","Line":"Silence ensues."}, {"Character":"(Silence ensues","Line":"Silence ensues."}, {"Character":"(Silence ensues","Line":"Silence ensues."}, {"Character":"(Silence ensues","Line":"Silence ensues."}, {"Character":"(Silence ensues","Line":"Silence ensues."}, {"Character":"(Silence ensues","Line":"Silence ensues."}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Yep, lipstick and a daughter, big day for you"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Phoebe, I-I-I-umm, (Sits down next to her and brushes against herNEWLINEleg.) Oops. (He backs up.) I just, I-I-I-I don’t, I don’t know what to say. INEWLINEjust can't believe that you're my daughter, you're so pretty"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Yes. Well, that's neither here nor there"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Yes. Well, that's neither here nor there"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"So would it, would it make you feel better if I said I was very, veryNEWLINEsorry that I left"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"Y'know what, it doesn’t matter what you say it's not gonna make aNEWLINEdifference anyway, so you can just go"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"All right. Well, y'know in my defense I was a lousy father"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"All right. Well, y'know in my defense I was a lousy father"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"That's a defense"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"That's a defense"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"That's a defense"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"That's a defense"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Yes. Yes it is. I burned the formula and I put your diapers onNEWLINEbackwards. I mean, I made up a song to sing you to sleep, but that made you cry even more"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"You make up songs"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"You make up songs"}, {"Character":"Phoebe","Line":"You make up songs"}, {"Character":"Frank Sr.","Line":"Well no, just-just that one. But, it was stupid. Let's see, how didNEWLINEit, how did it go. Umm. (Singing.)"}, {"Character":"Sleepy girl, sleepy girl.
NEWLINEWhy won't you go to sleep?
NEWLINESleepy girl, sleepy girl.
NEWLINEYou're, you're, you're keeping me uppp! (Yeah, that's to the tune of Smelly Cat.)Sleepy girl, sleepy girl.
NEWLINEWhy won't you go to sleep?
NEWLINESleepy girl, sleepy girl.
NEWLINEYou're, you're, you're keeping me uppp! (Yeah, that's to the tune of Smelly Cat.)