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<!-- saved from url=(0053)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season8/801ido.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One After "I Do"</title>
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<meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 3.0">
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<meta name="Template" content="C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\Templates\Friends.dot">
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One After "I Do"</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: David Crane & Marta Kauffman<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: The Wedding Hall, Monica and Chandler have just said "I do," and the
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photographer is taking the required pictures. First of Monica, Chandler, Ross and Joey.]</p>
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<p><b>Photographer:</b> Great. (Takes a picture.) Great! Just give me a sec to change
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film.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (To Monica) Okay, I know I’m not supposed to know, but I do. And
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I’m so excited for you!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What? What’s going on?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Monica’s pregnant!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh my God! Is that why you guys had to get married?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Guys! I’m not pregnant.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ah. (To Chandler) Slow swimmers? (Chandler looks at him.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What?! What do you mean? You-you-you’re not pregnant?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You didn’t tell anybody I was did you?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No! (Pause) I’ll be right back. (Exits.)</p>
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<p><b>Photographer:</b> Now why don’t we get a shot of just Monica and the bloody
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soldier.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (To Joey) Oh, about that. Joey, you have to change before the party.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I can’t! I-I don’t have any other clothes here.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Find some! Please! Anything that doesn’t say I-I died tragically in
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France. (Joey leaves to find clothes.)</p>
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<p><b>Photographer:</b> Well then why don’t we see the bride and the groom and the
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bridemaids.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. (Phoebe and Rachel join Monica and Chandler on the altar.) Hey
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Mon, why did you tell the guys you weren’t pregnant?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Because I’m not.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> We found your test in the trash, if you’re not pregnant—(She
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sees Rachel shaking her head)—It’s because I am.</p>
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<p>(Flash, the photographer takes a picture of Monica and Chandler’s stunned faces.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?! What are you talking about?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What are you talking about?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes, I…I am with child. (Flash) And I didn’t want to say
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anything because it’s your day; I didn’t want to steal your thunder.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Wait a minute! So you told people I was pregnant?! (Flash) Does this
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look like a conversation that I want to remember?!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Who’s the father?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I can’t say.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Why?!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why not?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I can’t say because he’s famous.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God, who is it?! (Phoebe rolls her eyes.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Phoebe, come on, you have to tell us.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, okay. It’s James Brolin. James Brolin is the father of my
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baby.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> As in Barbara Streisand’s husband James Brolin?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?! Well he never said that to me!</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: The Wedding Hall, continued from earlier.]</p>
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<p><b>Photographer:</b> Why don’t we have Monica step away and we’ll get
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Chandler and the bridemaids.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> How about just the bridemaids?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y’know I am the groom right? I was told it was kinda big deal.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It is.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> For you. (Chandler leaves.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, thank you for doing that. I just can’t deal with this just
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quite yet.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So instead you told me Monica was pregnant.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You said that she was, I just didn’t disagree with you.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Sneaky.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Photographer:</b> Smile ladies.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh! (They smile and the picture is taken.) Oh by the way?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh-hmm.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> James Brolin?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I know. I could only think of two names, him and Ed Begley Jr. and
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then I remembered he’s gay.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ed Begley Jr. is not gay.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (intrigued) Really?!</p>
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<p>[Scene: The Reception Hall, the party is in full swing.]</p>
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<p><b>Bandleader:</b> Thank you very much! Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great
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pleasure to introduce to you for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Bing!</p>
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<p>(They enter.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Before we go out there I’ve got a present for ya.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Honey, I’m going to put my hand in your pocket!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I’ve been taking dancing lessons.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, the last six weeks. I wanted this to be a moment you will never
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forget.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh that is so sweet!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> So? Would you care to join me in our first dance as husband and wife?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes.</p>
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<p>(They walk onto the dance floor and Chandler slips and almost falls.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What’s the matter?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don’t know, it’s these new shoes, they’re all
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slippery.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, are you going to be able to do this?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Not well.</p>
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<p>(They start dancing and Chandler starts slipping around.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, the good news is, I don’t think anyone’s looking at us.</p>
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<p>[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel at their table.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So, are you ready to talk about it?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No.</p>
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<p>(Pause)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Now?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, we’ll talk about something else then.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thank you.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Who’s the father?!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ugh! Look honey y’know what? I haven’t told him yet, so until
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I do I don’t think I should tell anybody else.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah. That’s fine. That’s fair. Is it Tag?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll stop.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Is it Ross? It’s Ross isn’t it—Oh my God, it’s Joey!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Honey, stop it! I am not going to tell you until I tell him.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ah-hah! At least we know it’s a him.</p>
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<p>[Cut to Joey entering wearing a preppy tennis outfit.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (seeing him) Oh sweet Lord.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I’m sorry! Okay? I went down to the gift shop and it’s either
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this or a bathrobe! Look, what’s more important, the way I’m dressed or me being
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with you on your special day?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Honey, I’m not even going to pretend I was listening. (Sees someone
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else.) Hey! Hey! (Goes over to that person.)</p>
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<p>[Cut to the hallway outside the room, Ross is going to see which table he’s at and
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sees a beautiful woman doing the same thing.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi. I’m uh, I’m Ross. I don’t, I don’t believe
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we’ve met. I’m Monica’s older brother.</p>
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<p><strong>Woman:</strong> Oh hi, I’m, I’m Mona from her restaurant.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh! Hello uh, Mona from her restaurant. (He uses his card to mouth those
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words.) (Pause) Mona, wow what a, what a beautiful name.</p>
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<p><b>Mona:</b> You think so? I’ve always kinda hated it.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Aw come on, Mona Lisa?</p>
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<p><b>Mona:</b> Uh-huh.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Mona umm…Clickclocken. The famous botanist? Huh? Oh no she’s
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uh—well she’s dead now. No, supposedly she was once quite the hottie of the
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plant world.</p>
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<p><b>Mona:</b> Really?! Well see? I never knew about her.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Linda Clickclocken. (Pause) So what uh, what-what table are you at? (She
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shows him.) Oh, uh me too.</p>
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<p><b>Mona:</b> Oh good. Now there’ll be someone there who likes my name.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (sexily) Yes there will. (Mona leaves and Ross tries to find the same
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table.) Oh guess what, Molly Gilbert you’ve just been bumped up to table one. And if
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it’s all right with you I’m gonna take your place at table six—Martin
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Clickclocken.</p>
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<p>[Cut back inside to Joey giving a beautiful woman a tennis lesson by standing behind
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her.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> That’s better, now just bend your arms a little more. There you go.
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Okay, look straight ahead. Now this time I want you to really put your ass into it. (They
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do a practice swing and she really puts her ass into it.)</p>
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<p>[Cut to Chandler sitting down near Joey as his mom walks over. His birth mother, not
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the mother who recently visited one of those clinics in Sweden.]</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Bing:</b> Chandler darling! Look, my date has finally arrived. I’d like
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you to meet Dennis Phillips.</p>
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<p><b>Dennis Phillips:</b> Congratulations.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Thank you.</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Bing:</b> Dennis is a dear old friend and a fantastic lover.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Bravo Dennis thanks for pleasing my mother so.</p>
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<p><b>Dennis Phillips:</b> Oh, I’m so sorry I missed the ceremony, I was stuck at
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auditions.</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Bing:</b> Oh yes, Dennis is directing a new Broadway show.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I don’t believe we’ve met, Joey Tribbiani.</p>
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<p><b>Dennis Phillips:</b> Dennis Phillips</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Wow, I’ve admired your work for years. You-you’ve done some
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really amazing stuff.</p>
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<p><b>Dennis Phillips:</b> Oh, thank you. Well if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go
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get myself a drink. Be back in a moment. (Walks away.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Wow Dennis Phillips! That’s great! How did you guys meet?</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Bing:</b> Well, it’s a funny story.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Funny: ha-ha or funny: (Mimes blowing his brain out.)</p>
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<p>[Time lapse. The band is finishing another song.]</p>
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<p><b>Bandleader:</b> Thank you, thank you very much. If everyone will please take your
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seats, dinner will be served.</p>
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<p>(Ross starts looking for table six and finds out that it’s the kid’s table.
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He sees Mona sitting at another table.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! Uh, I thought, I thought you were at table six.</p>
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<p><b>Mona:</b> No, nine. (Shows him the card again.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh see, before you uh, when you showed it to me you-you held it that way
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(he turns her hand upside down) which uh, which was misleading. Well I’m… (He
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goes at sits down at his new table and the kids stare at him.) Hello.</p>
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<p>[Cut to the hallway, Chandler is putting tape on the bottom of his shoes.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Chandler. Will you see if your mom can give my resume to Dennis Phillips?
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‘Cause if I can get in a Broadway show then I would’ve done it all, film,
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television, and theater. The only think left would be radio, and that’s just for ugly
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people.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What size shoes do you wear?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh, eleven, eleven and a half.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Great, because my shoes are giving me a little problem on the dance
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floor, can I borrow the boots from your costume?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh, I don’t even really know where I left those. Sorry.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (looking at Joey’s feet) Those aren’t eleven and a half.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay fine! I’m a seven! All right, I have surprisingly small feet.
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But the rest of me is good, I’ll show ya!</p>
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<p>[Cut to Monica and Rachel at their table.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Can you <b>believe</b> Phoebe got pregnant?!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh y’know what honey? Let’s not talk about that right now?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> This is so huge.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Sure, but come on, as big as your wedding?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Of course not nothing is. Between me and you…</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> …in this day and age how dumb do you have to be to get pregnant?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey! Y’know, sometimes you can do everything right, everyone can
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wear everything they’re supposed to wear, and one of those little guys just gets
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through!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> How?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don’t know! Maybe they have tools.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well I-I talked to and uh, she’s definitely going to have this
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baby. Y’know, she said she was gonna raise it on her own.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, maybe that’s, maybe that’s really brave.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Maybe. I just hope she realizes how hard it’s gonna be.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Maybe she hasn’t really thought it through that well.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, there’s a lot to think about. I mean, how is she, how is she
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going to handle this financially? How is she going to juggle work? Does she realize
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she’s not going to have a date again for the next eighteen years?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (starting to cry) I don’t know.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Are you okay?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh-hmm. I’m just thinking about Phoebe; poor knocked up Phoebe.</p>
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<p><strong>Waiter:</strong> Champagne?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh yes! Thank you very much! (She grabs a glass, takes a sip, and
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realizes what she just did. She then tries to spit the champagne back into the glass
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without Monica noticing. It doesn’t work.) Oh that’s-that’s actually how
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the French drink it.</p>
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<p>(Monica gasps.)</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: continued from earlier, only now Phoebe joins them.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, I just got off the phone with my lover, James Brolin…</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh really?!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes, and apparently he is married to some singer, but he said he would
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leave her for me. And I said, "James, James Brolin, are you sure?" James Brolin
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said…</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (interrupting) Rachel’s really the one who’s pregnant.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (shocked) What?! (deadpan) Why bother?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> How do you feel?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel. This is all happening
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so fast. I have to make all these decisions that I don’t want to make. (Takes another
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sip of champagne and spits it back out) Somebody just take this away from me!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Calm down. Maybe you’re not pregnant.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
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|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> When I got pregnant with the triplets, I took that test like three times
|
||
just to make sure.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes! Maybe it’s a false positive. Are you sure you peed on the
|
||
stick right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> How many ways are there to do that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’m-I’m just saying, don’t freak out until you’re a
|
||
hundred percent sure.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right, I’ll-I’ll take it again when I get home.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You-you gotta take it now. Come on, do it as a present to me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. Thank you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’ll run out and get you one.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, you guys are so great.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, wait a minute! Who’s is the father?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh no, she won’t tell us.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, come on it’s my wedding! That can be my present.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wh—Hey, I just gave you peeing on a stick.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> See? This is why you register.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Ross at the kiddie table. He reaches for something and a fart noise emanates
|
||
which causes the kids to laugh.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> It was the chair again! Okay? I’m not doing it! It what—look, I
|
||
don’t—y’know what—eh-eh… (He walks away and goes over to Mona.)
|
||
Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Umm, would you like to dance?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Sure.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh great! (They get up to dance and Ross is interrupted by a little girl.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Little Girl:</b> Dr. Geller?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I wasn’t farting! (To Mona) Uh, a little game from our table. (To the
|
||
little girl) Yes?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Little Girl:</b> Dr. Geller, will you dance with me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh umm, well uh, maybe-maybe later. Right now, I’m about to dance
|
||
with this lady. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Little Girl:</b> Okay. (She drops her head in disappointment and walks away.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Ohhhh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh, unless! Unless, uh this lady wouldn’t mind letting you go first.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> I’d be happy to. (To Ross) <b>You</b> are very sweet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes I-I am. In fact umm hey, why don’t we try it my special way? You
|
||
can dance on my feet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Little Girl:</b> Sure!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah? Hop on. (They start dancing and Mona sits down.) Is the pretty lady
|
||
looking?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Little Girl:</b> Uh-huh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Keep dancing.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Chandler in the hallway practicing dancing and is doing it very well.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> And the world will never know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey! Did you talk to Dennis about me yet?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, I told him how talented you were. I told him all about <i>Days Of
|
||
Our Lives</i>.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No-no! No! No! You don’t tell a Broadway guy that! Now he just thinks
|
||
I’m a soap actor.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> But you’re <b>not</b> just a soap actor. You are a soap actor
|
||
with freakishly tiny feet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Joey walks back inside just as Ross’s dance is finishing.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Little Girl:</b> Thank you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No-no, thank you Miranda.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Little Girl:</b> Melinda!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> All right. (Walks over to Mona.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> How cute was that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh-oh, were you, were you watching?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Another little girl walks over to him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Second Girl:</b> Can I go next?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What? Of course you can! Hop on!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Okay, but I get to hop on after her. (Ross bites the air in response.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I am so gonna score.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Second Girl:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I like your bow.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Behind them, Joey goes up to the bandleader and interrupts the song.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (clinks his glass) I’d like to propose a toast. To Monica and
|
||
Chandler, the greatest couple in the world. And my best friends. Now, my when I first
|
||
found out they were getting married I was, I was a little angry. I was like, (overly
|
||
angry) "Why God? Why? How can you take them away from me?!" But then I thought
|
||
back over all our memories together, some happy memories. (Does a fake laugh.) And-and
|
||
there was some sad memories. (Starts to break down and cry.) I’m sorry. And-and some
|
||
scared memories—Whoa! (He jumps back, startled.) Eh? And then, and then I realized
|
||
I’ll always be their friend, their friend who can speak in many dialects and has
|
||
training in stage combat and is willing to do partial nudity. (Starts to walk away, but
|
||
realizes something.) Oh! To the happy couple!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Time Lapse, the interrupted song is finishing.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bandleader:</b> Thank you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (to the second girl) That was very nice Ashley.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ashley:</b> Can we do it again?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No-no. (Walks over to Mona again.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> So, is it my turn now?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(A large little fat girl walks over.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Fat Girl:</b> I’m next!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh! (Recoils in horror.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Uh, that’s okay. You can dance with her first.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, you-you sure? (She nods yes.) Okay. (To the girl) Okay. So what’s
|
||
uh, what’s your name.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Fat Girl:</b> Gert!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s, that’s pretty. (They start to dance and Gert tries to
|
||
step on Ross’s feet, but he pulls them out of harm’s way.) Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
|
||
What are you doing there Gert?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gert:</b> Dancing on your feet! Like the other girls did it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay. (Swallows hard.) Hop on Gert. (She does and Ross winces in pain.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gert:</b> Why aren’t you moving your feet?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m trying. (He strains to move his feet.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gert:</b> Faster! You’re not going fast enough!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Maybe I should stand on your feet! (Gert’s shocked and Ross realizes
|
||
what he said and tries to brush it off.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Joey going over to talk to Dennis Phillips.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So did you uh, happen to catch my toast up there?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dennis Phillips:</b> Oh my God, that was for my benefit?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, I’d like to think there was something for everyone. Look, I
|
||
know you’re casting for this new show…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dennis Phillips:</b> Look umm Joey, I-I don’t think you’re quite right for
|
||
this project.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, see that’s where you’re wrong. Whatever it is I can do it.
|
||
And if didn’t see it up there, just-just try me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dennis Phillips:</b> It’s an all Chinese cast. Can you be Chinese?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well I’m not proud of this, but… (He turns around and starts to
|
||
mess with his eyelids.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dennis Phillips:</b> Oh my God! No-no-no! Please! Please!
|
||
Don’t-don’t-don’t!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Monica walking up to Chandler.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey, are you ready to get back on the dance floor?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Did it turn into sand?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ohh come on, I love this song! Come on, you’ll be fine. (She starts
|
||
to walk towards the floor.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (sliding up behind her) No. No, I won’t. Do you know why I took
|
||
all those lessons? See, for the first time I didn’t want you to be embarrassed to be
|
||
seen on the dance floor with some clumsy idiot.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh sweetie, you can never embarrass me. (Chandler grunts.) Okay, you can
|
||
easily embarrass me. But come on, it doesn’t matter. All right? I married you! So I
|
||
want to dance on my wedding night with my husband. Come on. (They go onto the floor.) Just
|
||
try not to move your feet at all. (Chandler starts to get into the groove and bust a
|
||
move.) There you go.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Mr. Geller dances over.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Chandler, I’m gonna have you arrested.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> You stole my moves. (He starts to dance like Chandler was and
|
||
Chandler stops.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Women’s Restroom, Rachel and Phoebe are waiting for the outcome of
|
||
Rachel’s second test.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> How much longer?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> 30 seconds.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> 30 seconds, okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering) Did I miss it? (Phoebe nods no.) Rachel, I-I want you to know
|
||
that, if it’s positive, we’re gonna…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh I know. I know. (They hug.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It’s time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Another woman starts to enter.)</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>The Girls:</b> No!! (The woman backs out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Go ahead Rach.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She goes over to look.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh wait! Y’know what? I can’t, I can’t look at it. I
|
||
can’t. Somebody else tell me, somebody tell me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, it’s negative.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It’s negative.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh. Oh. Well there you go. Whew! (Pause) That is—that’s
|
||
great—that is really great-great news. (Pause) Y’know ‘cause the whole not
|
||
being ready and kinda the financial aspects, all that. Whew. Wow, this is so just the way
|
||
it was supposed to be. (Starts to cry.) God.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well… Well, great.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Here. (Gives Rachel a tissue.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thanks. (Crying) God this is so stupid! (Pause) How could I be upset
|
||
over something I never had? It’s negative?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, it’s positive.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It’s-it’s not negative, it’s positive.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Are you sure?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well yeah, I lied before.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh God…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Now you know how you really feel about it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh-oh, that’s a risky little game!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Are you really gonna do this?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah. I’m gonna have a baby. I’m gonna have a baby. I’m
|
||
gonna have a baby! (They all hug.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> With who?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ah, it’s still not the time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Dedicated to the People of New York City</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Reception, Joey is helping Ross walk after Gert got through with him and
|
||
Mona is looking on concerned.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I just didn’t see the fast song coming.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Shh. Shh. Don’t try to talk, we’ll get you up to your room,
|
||
we’ll soak your feet, you’ll be okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, thank you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> That is so sweet!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> No, I mean it. There are so few genuinely nice guys out there.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Tell me about it, I feel like I’m holding down the fort all by
|
||
myself.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> It’s Joey right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Wait a minute! No! I’m the nice one! I’m the one who danced with
|
||
the kids all night! How…How small are your feet?! (They all look down.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |