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<!-- saved from url=(0054)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season8/818toim.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One In Massapequa</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One In Massapequa</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Teleplay by: Mark Kunerth<br>
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Story by: Peter Tibbals<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Gizzie232@aol.com">Cassie</a><br>
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With Help From: <a href="mailto:webmaster@thecfsi.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, Ross, Mon, is it okay if I bring someone to your parent’s
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anniversary party?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Sure. Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> So, who’s the guy?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, his name is Parker and I met him at the drycleaners.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oooh, did he put a little starch in your bloomers? (Sits up) Who said
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that?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, he’s really great though. He has this incredible zest for
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life, and he treats me like a queen, except at night when he treats me like the naughty
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girl I am.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (To Ross) Oh, by the way. Would it be okay if I gave the toast to mom
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and dad this year?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh, yeah, you sure you want to after what happened at their 20<sup>th</sup>?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, I’d really like to.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, hopefully this time mom won’t boo you.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes! Every year Ross makes the toast, and it’s always really
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moving, and always makes them cry. Well this year I’m going to make them cry.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> And you wonder why Ross is their favorite?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No! Really! Any time Ross makes a toast everyone cries, and hugs him,
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and pats him on the back and they all come up to me and say, "God, your
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brother." Know what they’ll say this year? "God, you"</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well I can promise you, at least one person will be crying. (Points to
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himself) I’m an actor, and any actor worth himself can cry on cue. (snaps fingers)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Really you can do that?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Are you kidding me? Watch! (Makes funny faces trying to cry) Well I
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can’t do it with you guys watching me!</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Monica’s, they’re getting ready to leave for the party.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What are you doing?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh I’m working on my toast for the party, or as I like to call it.
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Sob fest 2002. Hey check this out. (Hands him a picture.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> It’s a dog.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> It’s a dead dog. That’s Chi-Chi; she died when I was in high
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school.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> It’s your parents’ anniversary and you’re going to talk
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about their dead pet?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> The good stuff, huh?</p>
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<p>(Ross, Joey, and Rachel enter)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You got a present for my parents. That’s so sweet.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, yeah, in honor of their 35<sup>th</sup> wedding anniversary, I had a
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star named after them. </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Aww that is so cool.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> And I got them a book on Karma Sutra for the elderly.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey, do you guys have any extra ribbon?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, sure. What do you need? We got lace, satin, sateen, raffia,
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gingham, felt, (Pause) and I think my testacles may be in here too.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (picking up Chi-Chi’s picture) Aww! Chi-Chi! Oh, I loved this dog!
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Y’know Monica couldn’t get braces because Chi-Chi needed knee surgery.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> You were the 200-pound 11-year-old who rode her!</p>
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<p>(Phoebe and Parker enter)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><strong>All:</strong> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Everybody, this is Parker, Parker this is…</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> No, no, no wait! Don’t tell me. Let me guess. (Points as he says
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their names) Joey, Monica, Ross, Rachel and, I’m sorry Phoebe didn’t mention
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you. (Chandler makes a face) Chandler, I’m kidding all ready you’re my favorite!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ha!</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> Why don’t all of you tell me a little about your self?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Ah, actually, I’m sorry we-we probably should get going.</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> (laughs) Classic Ross. Rachel, Rachel, oh how you glow. May I? (Puts
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hand on her stomach)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I, uh, think you already are.</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> Rachel, you have life growing inside you. Is there anything in this
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world more miraculous than—Oh a picture of a dog! Whose is this?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> That’s my old dog. He passed away years ago.</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> Oh well, at least you were lucky to have him. Bow-wow old friend,
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bow-wow. So where’s the party?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> It’s out on the island. It’s in Massapequa. </p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> Maaaassapequa, sounds like a magical place. Tell me about Massapequa, is
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it steep in Native American history? {Transcriber’s Note: Interestingly Alec Baldwin
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was born in Massapequa.}</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, there is an <i>Arby’s</i> in the shape of a tee-pee.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, I got my note cards. (To Chandler) Do you got the presents? </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> And I’ve got the car keys.</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> We’re driving!?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> Aces!</p>
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<p>(Everyone except Ross and Rachel leave.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> So uh, he seems like a nice guy.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, yeah I like him a lot.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Ya wanna hang back and take our own cab?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, otherwise I’m not going.</p>
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<p>[Scene: The Anniversary Party, Ross and Rachel are arriving and see his parents.]</p>
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<p><strong>Mr. and</strong> <b>Mrs. Geller:</b> Hi</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi! (Kisses his mom.) Hey mom.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> This is such a great party! 35 years. Very impressive, do you guys have
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any pearls of wisdom? </p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> Jack?</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Why would you serve food on such a sharp stick? (Looking a
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toothpick)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s a good question, dad. That’s a good question…</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hmmm….</p>
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<p><b>Wom<b>an:</b></b> (To Ross and Rachel) Congratulations you two!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thank you…we’re so excited</p>
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<p><b>Wom<b>an:</b></b> And also, congratulations on your wedding.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Wha—What?</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> Can we talk to you for just a y’know… It’s just a
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little thing. Well we think it’s absolutely marvelous that you’re having this
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baby out of wedlock, some of our friends are less open-minded. Which is why we’ve
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told them all that you’re married.</p>
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<p><strong>Ross and</strong> <b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> Thanks for going along with this.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Dad so what we have to pretend that we’re married?</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Son, I had to shave my ears for tonight. You can do this.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Can you believe that?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, if you’re going to do the ears, you might as well take a pass
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at the nosal area.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No, us having to lie about being married.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, I know I don’t either, but ya know what, it’s their party,
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and it’s just one night. And we don’t even have to lie; we just won’t say
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anything. If it comes up again, we’ll just…smile. We’ll nod along.</p>
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<p><b>Wom<b>an:</b></b> Ross!</p>
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<p><b>Man:</b> Rachel!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi Aunt Lisa, Uncle Dan</p>
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<p><b>Aunt Lisa:</b> Congratulations on the baby, and on the wedding</p>
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<p><strong>Ross and</strong> <b>Rachel:</b> Hmmmm….</p>
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<p><b>Uncle Dan:</b> Here’s a little something to get you started. (Hands them a
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check)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh…</p>
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<p><b>Aunt Lisa:</b> So, how’s married life treating you?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (looking at the check) Unbelievable!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> We love marriage!</p>
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<p><b>Aunt Lisa:</b> Great!</p>
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<p>(The rest of the gang arrives including Parker.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> What a beautiful place. What a great night! I have to tell you, being
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here with all of you in Event Room C…I feel so lucky. I think of all the good times
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that have happened here. The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs both bar and bat, but none
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of them will compare with tonight! My God, I don’t want to forget this moment!
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It’s like I want to take a mental picture of you all! Click! (He takes a mental
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picture of them all.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don’t think the flash went off.</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> Dahaaa! (Punches Chandler in the arm and he makes a face of pain.)
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I’m going to find the men’s room, be right back.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’ll go with you</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> Come on!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Somewhere there is someone with a tranquilizer gun and a huge
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butterfly net looking for that man.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I have to go to the bathroom too, but I don’t want him complimenting
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my thing.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m so we weren’t in the car! Did he ever let up?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> He called the Long Island Expressway a concrete miracle.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (imitating Parker) This room! This night! That waiter! His shoes! I must
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take a mental picture! (He backs into someone.) Ooh sorry…(He looks behind him then
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notices its Phoebe then stops his impression.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Were you guys making fun of Parker?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> That depends, how much did you hear?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So, he a little enthusiastic, what’s wrong with that?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> It’s just that, it’s so much.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, so what I like him! Do I make fun of the people you’ve dated?
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Tag, Janice, Mona? No, because friends don’t do that. But, do you want my opinion? Do
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you want it? ‘Cause in my opinion, your collective dating record reads like the
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who’s who of human crap. (Walks off)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I feel terrible.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I know</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What was wrong with Mona?</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: The Anniversary Party, Ross and Rachel have just gotten another wedding
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present.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Open it! Open it! Open it!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah baby!</p>
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<p><b>Man:</b> So we never got to hear about your wedding!</p>
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<p><b>Wom<b>an:</b></b> We were surprise that we weren’t invited.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No, no, it was just our parents and 1 or 2 friends. It was a small
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wedding.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> But it was beautiful. I mean it was small, but kind of spectacular.</p>
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<p><b>Man:</b> Where did you have it?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> On a cliff, in Barbados, at sunset, and Stevie Wonder sang <i>Isn’t
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She Lovely</i> as I walked down the aisle.</p>
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<p><b>Wom<b>an:</b></b> Really? </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, Stevie’s an old family friend. (Hits Ross’s chest)</p>
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<p><b>Wom<b>an:</b></b> Oh my God. That sounds amazing. I would love to see pictures.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> So would I. You wouldn’t think that Annie Liebawitz would forget to
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put film in the camera.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Would you excuse us for a second? (Pulls Rachel off to the side)
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Umm…. what are you doing?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What? I’m not you. This may be the only wedding I ever have. I want
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it to be amazing.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, okay. Ooooh, ooh maybe I rode in on a <i>Harley</i>. </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, Ross, it has to be realistic.</p>
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<p>(Cut to Phoebe and Parker)</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> Are you okay? You seem kind of quiet.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, I’m fine. I’m great. I’m with you.</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> And I’m with you! What a great time to be alive! Look at this
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plate-bouncy thing. (Bounces the plates) What an inspired solution to man’s plate
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dispensing problems. </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hm huh, yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> Ah! Oysters! Let me feed you one.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, that’s not necessary.</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> Please.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, actually I don’t eat…</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> I won’t quit until you try.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, fine! Fine! (Takes the oyster and pretends to eat it while
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dropping it on the floor) Mmm…hmmmmm….</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> What are they like? I’ve never had one.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Why don’t you just try one?</p>
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<p><b>Parker:</b> No, they look too weird.</p>
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<p>(Cut to Monica and Chandler)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What are you doin’?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Just going over my toast. Those two will never know what hit ‘em. I
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can’t wait. They’re going to be crying so hard. They’re going to be
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fighting for breath. </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ya know if you want to, I can just hold them down and you could
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(Punches the air).</p>
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<p>(Cut to Rachel and Ross)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> And my veil was lace, made by blind, Belgium nuns.</p>
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<p><b>Wom<b>an:</b></b> Blind?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, not at first, but it was very intricate work and they said even
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though they lost their sight, it was all worth it.</p>
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<p><b>Aunt Lisa:</b> I’ll bet you looked beautiful…</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I don’t know about that, but some said that I looked like a
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floating angel.</p>
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<p><b>Wom<b>an:</b></b> (To Ross) So, how did you propose?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh yeah. That’s a great story.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, um, actually, I-I took her to the planetarium.
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That’s-that’s where we had our first date. Um, she walked in and I had the room
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filled with lilies, her favorite flower…</p>
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<p><b>Aunt Lisa:</b> Oh that is so sweet!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Shhh! I want to hear the rest!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Then, Fred Astaire singing <i>The Way You Look Tonight</i> came on the
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sound system, and the lights came down. And I got down on one knee and written across the
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dome in the stars were the words "Will you marry me?"</p>
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<p>(Various oohs and ahhs)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> And the ring, was the size of my fist (makes a fist)!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Cut to Phoebe and Joey)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah uh, Phoebe! Look umm, I want to apologize about before, okay? We were
|
||
being jerks. Parker’s a nice guy and I’d like to get to know him.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Then you better do it now.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Because I’m going to kill him</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What-what? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You guys were right. He’s just too excited about…everything. I
|
||
mean I’m all for living life, but this is the Geller’s 35<sup>th</sup>
|
||
anniversary. Okay? Let’s call a spade a spade this party stinks.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I know I’m having the worst time. There was a 15-minute line for the
|
||
buffet, and when I finally got up to the plates, I slipped on a giant booger!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Are you sure it wasn’t an oyster?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I guess it could’ve been, I didn’t really look at it.
|
||
Y’know, I just wiped it on Chandler’s coat and got the hell out of there.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> He’s just such a great guy I’m so excited about him.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh hey, you should be excited about him. There’s nothing wrong with
|
||
him he’s a good guy. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You think?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah. Ya know what I think; I think we were all just being too negative.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You’re right. You’re right, he’s just embracing life. We
|
||
could all stand to be a little more like Parker. You know what? I am like him! I’m a
|
||
sunny, positive person. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Actually, you have a little bit of an edge.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What’s that now?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Nothing…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh look it’s Parker! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Parker:</b> Look! It’s the bunny hop!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oooh I love it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Parker:</b> You do?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Are you kidding? People acting like animals to music. Come on!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Cut to Monica, at the microphone)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay it’s time for the toast! Umm now-now, I know that Ross usually
|
||
gives the toast, but this year I’m going to do it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Everyone sighs)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No, no it’s going to be great. Really! Mom, Dad, when I got
|
||
married, one of the things that made me sure I could do it was the amazing example the two
|
||
of you set for me. For that and so many other things I want to say thank you. I know I
|
||
probably don’t say it enough, but I love you. (Pretends to cry hoping her parents
|
||
will join her.) When I look around this room, I’m-I’m saddened by the thought of
|
||
those who could not be here with us. Nana, my beloved grandmother who would so want to be
|
||
here, but she can’t because she’s dead. As is our dog Chi-Chi. I mean look how
|
||
cute she is. (Holds up the picture and pretends to cry again). Was. (To an old man by the
|
||
stage.) Do me a favor and pass this to my parents. Remember she’s dead. Okay, her and
|
||
Nana, gone. Wow! Hey does anybody remember when Debra Winger had to say goodbye to her
|
||
children in <i>Terms of Endearment</i>? (Chandler covers his ears) Didn’t see that?
|
||
No movie fans?! You want to hear something sad? The other day I was watching <i>60 Minutes</i>
|
||
these orphans in Romania, who have been so neglected, they were incapable of love. (Waits
|
||
for people to cry, but doesn’t get any tears.) You people are made of stone!
|
||
Here’s to mom and dad! Whatever!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> Thank you Monica that was uh, interesting. Wasn’t it
|
||
interesting, Jack?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> (looking at the picture) Why don’t I remember this dog?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> Ross, why don’t you give us your toast now?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, no, Mom, it’s just Monica this year.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> You’re not going to say anything? On our 35<sup>th</sup>
|
||
wedding anniversary</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No, of course, Um… Um, everybody? Um, I-I just wanted to say…on
|
||
behalf of my new bride, Rachel (She turns around and smiles), and myself. Umm, that
|
||
if…if in 35 years, we’re half as happy as you guys are, we’ll count
|
||
ourselves the luckiest people in the world.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> (crying) Oh Ross…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> I just wish Nana were alive to hear Ross’s toast.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Phoebe’s apartment, Parker and her are entering.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Parker:</b> My God what a fantastically well lit hallway!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Can I get you something to drink? Like a water and Valium? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Parker:</b> I must say this apartment, its, its, There are no words…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh thank God. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Parker:</b> It’s a haven. A third-floor paradise. A modern-day Eden in the
|
||
midst…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah? I know! I know! Uh huh? Listen why don’t we just um, sit and
|
||
relax? You know just be with each other. Quietly! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Parker:</b> That sounds great. (Sits down) My God this is the most comfortable couch
|
||
I’ve ever sat on in my entire life. (Bounces on couch)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Let’s try something else, let’s play a game.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Parker:</b> I love games!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Shocking! Let’s play the game of who can stay quiet the longest.
|
||
(Giggles)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Parker:</b> Or…<i>Jenga</i>.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> But, let’s play this one first. And remember whoever talks first
|
||
loses! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They sit back)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Parker:</b> I lose, now <i>Jenga</i>.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God! Oh my God! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Parker:</b> Is something wrong?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wrong? Really? You know the word wrong. Everything isn’t perfect?
|
||
Everything isn’t magical? Everything isn’t a glow with the light of a million
|
||
fairies? They were just brake lights, Parker! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Parker:</b> Well, excuse me for putting a good spin on a traffic jam!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You don’t have to put a good spin on everything.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Parker:</b> I’m sorry that’s who I am. I’m a positive person.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No! I am a positive person. You are like Santa Clause on Prozac, at <i>Disneyland</i>,
|
||
getting laid! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Parker:</b> So what do you want me to do, you want me to be more negative, less
|
||
happy?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Much less happy!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Parker:</b> Fine! Well then to quote Ross, "I’d better be going." </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So long! Don’t let the best door in the world hit you in the ass on
|
||
your way out! (He exits and she slams the door behind him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(There’s a knock on door, and Phoebe opens it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Parker:</b> Isn’t this the most incredible fight you’ve ever had in your
|
||
entire life? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh huh. (Closes door)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Ross and Rachel’s, they’re returning from the party.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> …and then, we could’ve gone from the ceremony to the reception
|
||
with you in the sidecar!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross, it just wouldn’t have been feasible.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> But having a dove place the ring on your finger would’ve been no
|
||
problem?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It was really fun being married to you tonight. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah! And! And, it was the easiest 400 bucks I’ve ever made.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay Ross, can I uh, can I ask you something?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> That proposal, at the planetarium…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I know, I know it was stupid. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Are you kidding?! With the, with the lilies, and-and the song, and the
|
||
stars! It was…really wonderful! Did you just make that up? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No, actually I thought about it when, when we were going out. It’s
|
||
how I imagined I uh, I would ask you to marry me. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, that would’ve been very hard to say no too. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> It’s a good thing I didn’t do it, because it sounds like it
|
||
would’ve been a very expensive wedding. (Rachel laughs) Okay, good night</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Goodnight</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They go off to their bedrooms)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Even if the sidecar had a windscreen so your hair wouldn’t get messed
|
||
up? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I will think about it. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s all I’m askin’ </p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Monica are there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay that’s it. I give up. At mom and dad’s 40<sup>th</sup>
|
||
anniversary, you’re the one giving the speech. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Y’know I don’t understand why they didn’t cry. It was a
|
||
beautiful speech. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, come on. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! All that stuff you said about true love, you were right, I mean, we
|
||
did learn a lot from Mom and Dad! And that picture of Chi-Chi with her mischievous grin.
|
||
And what you said about Nana. Ohh, yeah she really would’ve wanted to be there. And
|
||
you know what? I think she was. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (starts to cry) Oh good God, Ross! How the hell do you do it? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |