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<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season3/313maraf.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One Where Monica and Richard Are Friends</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="white" text="black" link="green" vlink="black" alink="yellow" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One Where Monica and Richard Are Friends</h1>
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<hr align="center">
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<p>Written by: Michael Borkow<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a> </p>
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<hr>
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<font size="3">
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<p align="left">[Scene: A Video Store, Monica is running in to return a video.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (to clerk) Hi.</p>
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<p>(The clerk enters the video into the computer.)</p>
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<p><b>Clerk:</b> Six dollars, please.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Six? I just had it for one night. It’s three.</p>
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<p><b>Clerk:</b> Eight o’clock is the cut-off and, (looks at his watch) aww,
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it’s 8:02.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know in a weird way, you have too much power. Look, you’re gonna
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have to help me out here, ‘cause I only have three.</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> (standing behind her, without his moustache) I can help with that.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God. Richard? (turns around) Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Wow! Your lip went bald. (Richard pays the clerk) Hey, thanks.</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> So, you look great.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Right.</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> No you do. You... just...</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> You’ve got panties stuck to your leg.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (removes them) That’s because I-I was just grabbing some things out
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of the dryer, and it’s static cling. Or maybe it’s just that God knew I’d
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be running into you and saw an opportunity.</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> It’s good to see you.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> It’s good to see you too.</p>
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<p>(They hug, and Richard notices a stocking stuck to Monica’s back, which he removes
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for her.)</p>
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<p align="center"><b>Opening Credits</b></p>
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<p>[Scene: continued from earlier.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You see that guy? He’s in classics now, but y'know as soon as we
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leave he’s going straight to the porn.</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> He’s gonna go up to the counter with <i>Citizen Kane</i>, <i>Vertigo</i>,
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and Clockwork Orgy. (they both laugh) This is nice.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> I missed this.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Me too.</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> So, you wanna get a hamburger or something?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, um, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> Oh. Look, just friends, I won’t grope you. I promise.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No, I just I think that it’s too soon.</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> No it’s not too soon, I had lunch at a eleven.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Ross. Joey, and Rachel are eating breakfast.
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Chandler is holding a bottle of <i>Hersey’s Syrup</i>.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, baby!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What are you doing?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Making chocolate milk. Do you want some?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No thanks. I’m 29.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (looking at her watch) Oh my God, I gotta go to work!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh sweetie, when do you think you’re going to get off tonight?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh I don’t know honey. It’s gonna be really late.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh come on, not again.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know. I’m sorry. Look, I’ll make a deal with you all right?
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Okay?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hmm.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> For every night that you’re asleep before I get home from work...</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I will wake you up in a way that’s proved very popular in the past.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Now, if you need to stay late, I want to be supportive of that.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Right.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering, holding a pair of Roller Blades) Hi.</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (to Phoebe) Look at you. Since when do you roller blade?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! Since tomorrow. I met this really cute guy in the park and he like
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y'know, jogs, and blades, and swims, and so y'know we made a deal that’s he’s
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going to teach me all sorts of jock stuff.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> And what are you going to do for him?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’m going to let him.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Cool.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering from her bedroom) Morning.</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Somebody got in late last night.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah well, I ran into Richard. </p>
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<p>(They all gasp)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> When did this happen?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, um, around 8:02. We ah, talked for a little while, and then um, we
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went out for an innocent burger.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, there’s no such thing as an innocent burger.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> So, are you gonna see him again?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Tomorrow night.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Monica, what are you doing?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, she spent the last six months getting over him, and now
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she’s celebrating that by going on a date with him.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> It’s not a date, okay. I’m just gonna teach him how to make
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lasagne for some pot luck dinner he has.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, you might wanna make a little extra, y'know you’ll probably be
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hungry after the sex.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> We’re not gonna have sex! Okay, nothing’s changed here. He
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still doesn’t want children and I still do, so that’s why we’re just gonna
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be friends.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Naked friends.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is watching TV.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering) Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Do you have any ice?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Check the freezer. If there’s none in there, then we’re probably
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out. Are you just getting in from work? It’s late.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, I know. I had the greatest day though, I got to sit in on the
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meeting with the reps from <i>Calvin Klien</i>. I told my boss I liked this line of
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lingerie, she ordered a ton of it. How was your day?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I discovered I’m able to count all of my teeth using just my tongue.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hmm. (she opens the freezer) Umm, why do you have a copy of <i>The
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Shining</i> in your freezer?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, I was reading it last night, and I got scared, so.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> But ah, you’re safe from it if it’s in the freezer?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, safer. Y'know, I mean I never start reading <i>The Shining</i>,
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without making sure we’ve got plenty of room in the freezer, y'know.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> How often do you read it?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Haven’t you ever read the same book over and over again?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, umm, I guess I read <i>Little Women</i> more than once. But I mean
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that’s a classic, what’s so great about <i>The Shining</i>?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> The question should be Rach, what is <b>not</b> so great about <i>The
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Shining</i>. Okay? And the answer would be: nothing. All right? This is like the scariest
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book ever. I bet it’s way better than that classic of yours.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. Ah, well we’ll just see about that, okay. I will read <i>The
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Shining</i>, (she tries to take the book away from him but he doesn’t want to let it
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go) and you will read <i>Little Women</i>. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, you got it.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ah, now Rach, these ah, these little women.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> How little are they? I mean, are they like scary little?</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there, Phoebe is entering with her date
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Robert.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Um, Chandler, Ross, this is Robert.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, hey.</p>
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<p><b>Robert:</b> Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (to Robert) You’ve have lipstick right here (points to her cheek).
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That’s okay, it’s mine, we just kissed.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Robert) So ah, isn’t a bit cold out for shorts?</p>
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<p><b>Robert:</b> Well, I’m from California.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Right, right. Sometimes you guys just burst into flames.</p>
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<p>(Robert leans back on the arm of the chair and allows Chandler to see up his shorts and
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sees ‘little Robert.’ Chandler is horrified by this view.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (standing up) I’m up! I’m up, I’ve gotten up now!
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Anybody ah, want anything?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’ll have coffee.</p>
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<p><b>Robert:</b> Yeah, me too.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, make that three.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay Ross, why don’t you come with me?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay. (goes over to the counter) (to Chandler) What ah, what is the matter
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with you? What’s going on?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Robert’s coming out.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What, what do you mean, what? Is he gay?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No. He.....he’s coming out of his shorts.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> The man is showing brain.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Are you sure? (Chandler nods: Yes!) Hold on. (walks over behind the couch)
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I’m sorry you guys, that was a coffee and a....</p>
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<p><b>Robert:</b> Coffee.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Robert:</b> We could write it down for you?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No, no, that won’t be ah, that won’t be necessary (leans down
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and looks up Robert’s shorts, seeing Robert’s package.) </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Ross) Wellll?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, yeah, yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What do we do? What do we do?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I suppose we just try to not look directly at it.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Like an eclipse.</p>
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<p>(Ross nods his head.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is teaching Richard how to make lasagne.]</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> So when people complement me on my cooking should I, what do I say?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You say ‘Thank you very much,’ and then you buy me something
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pretty. Come on, we’re gonna put are hands in this bowl, and we’re gonna start
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squishing the tomatoes.</p>
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<p>(They both start squishing the tomatoes.)</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> Ew, this feels very weird.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You touch people’s eyeballs every day and this feels weird.</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> Yeah, well, sure I touch them, but I spent years learning not to squish
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them. (Monica grabs his hand in the tomatoes.) That’s my hand.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oops.</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Gotta keep squishing.</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> Tomatoes are squishing.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p>(Richard squishes a little too hard and some lands on his shirt.)</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> Op.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, gosh, you got some on your shirt. </p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hold on a second, just put a little club soda on it (does so) and it
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should umm, be..... </p>
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<p>(She is rubbing his chest and her voice trails off into silence, a long pause follows.)</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Umm, you’ve got some on your pants.</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> I’ll just throw them out.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is watching Joey read <i>Little Women</i>, Ross is also
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there.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> These little women. Wow!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Your liking it, huh?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh yeah! Amy just burned Jo’s manuscript. I don’t see how he
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could ever forgive her.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Umm, Jo’s a girl, it’s short for Josephine.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> But Jo’s got a crush on Laurie. (Ross nods his head) Oh. You mean
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it’s like a girl-girl thing? ‘Cause that is the one thing missing from <i>The
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Shining</i>.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, actually Laurie’s a boy.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No wonder Rachel had to read this so many times.</p>
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<p>(Enter Phoebe and Robert)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! How’d the ah, basketball go?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, okay, I learned how to shoot a lay-up, a foul shot, and a
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twenty-three pointer.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You mean a three pointer?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I get more because I’m dainty.</p>
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<p><b>Robert:</b> So um, is there a phone here, I can check my messages?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, in the back. You want a quarter?</p>
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<p><b>Robert:</b> Oh, no thanks. I always carry one in my sock. </p>
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<p>(He puts his leg up on the couch to get the quarter, once again exposing himself to
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Chandler and Ross. In horror, Chandler, slides over and leans against Joey on the couch.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (noticing Chandler) What are you doing? (he pushes Chandler back to his
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side of the couch) Get back over on your side of the... (sees Robert in all his glory)
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Hello!! (to Robert) Hi, I’m Joey, we haven’t met.</p>
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<p><b>Robert:</b> Ah, good to meet you. Robert.</p>
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<p>(Robert walks away and the guys all start laughing in front of Phoebe.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What? (the guys keep laughing.) What? You guys, what is going on? You
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not like Robert? (the guys keep laughing.) Why are you laughing?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Calm down. There’s no reason to get testy.</p>
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<p>(The guys start laughing harder.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You guys!! Come on!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it just seems that Robert isn’t
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as concealed in the shorts area, as ah, one may have hoped.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What do you mean?</p>
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<p><b>Robert:</b> Hey. (sits down)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Robert, could you ah, ha, pass me those cookies?</p>
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<p><b>Robert:</b> Sure.</p>
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<p>(He puts his leg up on the table to pass Joey the cookies, and Phoebe sees what the
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guys are laughing at, and gasps.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is talking to Richard on the phone.]</p>
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||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So, how’d the lasagne go over? (listens) Really?! Good. So you owe
|
||
me three pretty things. (listens) Yeah, I’ve been thinking a lot about you too.
|
||
(listens) I know. It’s hard this whole platonic thing. (listens) It’s a word!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(There’s a knock on the door.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, I do think it’s better this way. (listens) Yeah, we’re
|
||
being smart. (gets up to answer the door) (listens) Yes, I’m sure.(she opens the door
|
||
and it’s Richard)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> You really sure?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I’ll call you back. (starts kissing him)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>Commercial Break</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica’s bedroom, she’s in bed with Richard.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So we can be friends who sleep together.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Absolutely, this will just be something we do, like racquetball.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Sounds smart and healthy to me. So um, just out of curiosity, um, do you
|
||
currently have any other racquetball buddies?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Just your dad. (pause) Although that’s actually racquetball. You
|
||
know I-I do have a blind date with my sister’s neighbour next Tuesday.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> You want me to cancel it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No! (pushes him) No! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> ‘Cause if you do that means you’d be cancelling it for me, and
|
||
we’re just friends.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Exactly. (pushes her back)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Robert is picking up Phoebe for a date.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Robert:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey. Ooh! Don’t sit down! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Robert:</b> You ready to go to the batting cage?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah. And, first here’s a gift.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Robert:</b> Oh! Wow! Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Stretchy pants! Why, those are the greatest things in the world! If I
|
||
were you I would wear them every day, every day!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Robert:</b> Jeez, thank you really that is so nice. But um, to be honest, I
|
||
don’t think I can wear these, they’re so tight, I feel like I’m on display.
|
||
I’m sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That’s all right, that’s well, I figured.... (they start to
|
||
leave as Joey enters.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Robert:</b> (to Joey) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey! (starts to laugh.) How’s it going?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Good.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, Rach, how you doing with <i>The Shining</i>?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, Danny just went into room 217.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oooh, the next part’s the best, when that dead lady in the bathtub...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, no, meh-nah-nah-nah, come on you’re gonna ruin it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right I’ll talk in code. (to Ross and Chandler) Remember when the
|
||
kid sees those two blanks in the hallway?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hmmm, that’s very cool.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, all blank, and no blank, make’s blank a blank blank. Oh no-no-no,
|
||
no, the end when Jack almost kills them all with that blank, but then at last second they
|
||
get away. Aww!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey! I can’t believe you just did that!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I can’t believe she cracked your code!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right, okay, Laurie proposes to Jo, and she says no, even though
|
||
she’s still in love with him, and then he ends up marring Amy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey! Mine was by accident! All right, the boiler explodes and destroys the
|
||
hotel, and kills the dad.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Eh. Beth dies.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey recoils and gasps in horror.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Beth, Beth dies?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Um-hmm.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Is that true? If I keep reading is Beth gonna die?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, Beth doesn’t die, she doesn’t die. Does she Rachel?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Joey’s asking if you’ve just ruined the first book he’s
|
||
ever loved that didn’t star Jack Nicholson?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No. She doesn’t die.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Then why would you say that?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Because, I wanted to hurt you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Robert:</b> (running in) Oh, there they are! I-I dropped my keys.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He bends over to pick them up, right in front of Rachel, who then gets a free peep
|
||
show.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (gasps) Oh my....</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Robert:</b> Got ‘em.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is reading <i>The Shining</i>, as Monica enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (screams and grabs a potato masher to defend herself) Sorry. I’m
|
||
sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You would not believe my day! I had to work two shifts, and then to top
|
||
it off, I lost one of my fake boobs, (opens her coat revealing a large burn mark over her
|
||
left breast.) in a grill fire.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel starts laughing.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What are you smiling at?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m sorry, I was just thinking you’re day could still pick up.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She goes into her bedroom, and sees Richard who has covered the room in roses and has
|
||
two glasses of wine and a rose between his lips.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Hello.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I love this friend thing!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Chandler, and Ross are there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Listen, Robert’s gonna be here any second so, will one of you just
|
||
tell him?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Please, right now, no, every time I see him it’s like ‘Is it
|
||
on the lose?’ ‘Is it watching me?’</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> We can’t tell him, you can’t go up to a guy you barely know
|
||
and talk about his.... stuff.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> He’s right, even if it’s to say something complementary. (He
|
||
stops and thinks about what he just said.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Robert:</b> (entering) Hey! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Robert:</b> (to Phoebe) So are ready for the gym? They’ve got this new rock
|
||
climbing wall, we can spot each other.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, I can spot you from here.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Robert:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, listen Robert...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Chandler) Hey, don’t we have to...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, we got, um-hmm.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, I think you’re really, really great...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Robert:</b> Oh God! Here we go again. Why does this keep happening to me? (spreads
|
||
his legs) Is it something I’m putting out there? Is this my fault? Or am I just nuts?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I-I-I-I-I don’t know, I don’t know what to say.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gunther:</b> (cleaning up the table) (to Robert) Hey buddy, this is a family place,
|
||
put the mouse back in the house.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Robert looks down and realises the problem.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Richard’s bedroom, Monica has covered it in rose pedals and candles. We
|
||
hear Richard come in to the apartment, and Monica frantically throws the rest of the
|
||
pedals on the bed, and jumps onto the bed and puts a rose in her mouth, and bites a
|
||
thorn.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ow!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> (outside the bedroom) Really?! Well, it’s just like everyone
|
||
else’s apartment. It’s got rooms, walls, and ceilings.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard’s Date:</b> Well, I just wanted to see where you lived. Now, give me
|
||
the tour.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God! Oh my God! (She frantically tries to clean up the bedroom as
|
||
Richard starts the tour.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Ah well, this is the living room.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard’s Date:</b> Impressive.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> All right. This is the kitchen.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard’s Date:</b> Oh, that’s real pretty. Wait a minute, don’t I
|
||
get to see the bedroom?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> The bedroom. Well it’s pretty much your typical... (opens the door
|
||
as Monica hides under the covers, and quickly closes the door before his date can see the
|
||
room.) bedroom.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard’s Date:</b> We’re still on this side of the door.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Um-hmm.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard’s Date:</b> Yeah, but I didn’t get to see it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Oh shoot! Maybe next time. (yawns) Thanks for a lovely evening. (shows
|
||
her out)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to into the bedroom, with Monica still hiding under the covers. Richard enters and
|
||
sits down next to her.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (still hiding under the blankets) So um, who was she?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Oh, (laughs) that was the blind date that I told you about, she called
|
||
and switched it to today.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (still hiding under the blankets) Did you like her? And I’m just
|
||
asking as a friend, because I am totally fine with this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Well, you seem fine.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (gets up) Okay, y'know what, I’m not fine, I’m not. I mean how
|
||
can I be fine, hearing you come in with her, she wants to see your bedroom.... (pause)
|
||
Y'know what, what if we’re friends who don’t see other people?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> You mean like exclusive friends?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why not?! I mean this has been the most amazing week. Would it be so
|
||
terrible? Even if we were friends who lived together. Or, maybe someday friends who stood
|
||
up in front of their other friends, and vowed to be friends forever.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Wow. Y'know we’re back where we were. Honey, I would love to do
|
||
all that, but nothing’s changed.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> That’s not true, you don’t have a moustache.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Okay, okay, one thing’s changed. But we still want different
|
||
things and we know how this is gonna end.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know what, I’ve got to walk out of here right now, ‘cause
|
||
getting over you is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I don’t think I
|
||
could do it again.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> I know I couldn’t. So....</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica kisses him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> How ‘bout one last game of racquetball?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They both kiss, and Richard picks her up and goes over to the bed and starts to lie
|
||
down.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Watch the thorns!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> (lying down) Ow!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>Closing Credits</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is entering, and he’s very dejected.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Beth is really, really sick.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Awwww.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Jo’s there, but I don’t think there’s anything she could
|
||
do.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel hugs him)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Do you want to put the book in the freezer?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (nodding his head) Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey hands her the book and she puts it in the freezer.)</p>
|
||
</font>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong><font size="3">End</font></strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |