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<meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 3.0">
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<title>The One Where No-one's Ready</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body text="#000000" link="#008000" vlink="#000000" bgcolor="#ffffff" alink="yellow" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="CENTER">The One Where No-one's Ready</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Ira Ungerleider<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a> </p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Rachel and Monica's, everyone is getting ready to go to a banquet]</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> All right they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider. (takes a
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glass from the fridge.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Taste it.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> (drinks from the glass and puts it back in the fridge) Yep, it's fat. I drank
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fat!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I know, I did that two minutes ago.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, mister tux!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Why aren't you guys dressed?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> We have a half hour.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> No, four minutes ago you had a half hour, we have to be out the door at
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twenty to eight. </p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Relax Ross, we'll be ready. It only takes us two minutes to get dressed.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Well, you know, I'd feel a whole lot better if you got dressed now.</p>
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<strong>
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</strong><p><strong>Chandler and </strong><b>Joey:</b> Okay. (they don't move)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering from bathroom) Hey-hey! Oh, look at you, all sexy.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Really.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Ooooh! Wow!! Oh, hi.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Hi.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> How come you didn't come over earlier?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> 'Cause, I'm a stupid, stupid man.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, Ross, want some cider?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> No. (to Rachel) So, um, let's see your pretty close, huh. Make-up's on,
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hair's done. </p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, I just have to get dressed.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Yay! And that takes what? Just six or seven minutes.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah! Once, I figure out what I'm wearing.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Glass of fat?</p>
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<strong>
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<p align="CENTER">Opening Credits</p>
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</strong>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Ross is acting nervous]</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> What's a matter Ross? What you're nervous about your speech?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> No! Do you wanna hear it?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Am I in it?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Uh, huh. Yeah, right after I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I
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sing a song about the wonder that is Joey.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering) Hello.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Hey!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Whoa!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Wow, hello! You look great!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Thank you! I know, though.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> You see this, this is a person who is ready to go. Phoebe you, oh, you are my
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star.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ohh, well, you're my lucky penny.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering from bathroom, with an issue of Cosmo) All right, I took the
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quiz, and it turns out, I do put career before men. (to Joey) Get up.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> What?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> You're in my seat.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> How is this your seat?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> 'Cause I was sitting there.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> But then you left.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I went to the bathroom, you knew I
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was coming back.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> What's the big deal, sit somewhere else.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> The big deal is I was sitting there last, so, that's my seat.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Well, actually the last place you were sitting was in there (points to the
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bathroom). Soo...</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> You guys, you know what, you know what, it doesn't matter, because you both
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have to go get dressed before the big vain in my head pops. So..</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, Ross, I just have to do one thing, really quickly, it's not a
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big deal. (yells at Joey) GET UP!!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> (entering) Hi.</p>
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<strong>
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</strong><p><strong>All:</strong> Hey.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Ooh, Phoebe, you look great!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right all ready.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> (to Ross) Ooh, are you gonna do magic?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> That's, that's funny. Change!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Hang on a second I just got in.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Look, I don't care it starts at eight, we can't be late.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> We could not, would not want to wait.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Look, our table is down in front, okay, my boss is gonna be there, everyone
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will see if we arrive after it starts.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Has somebody been drinking my fat? (Joey and Chandler look at each other)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering from her bedroom) You guys, (holds up an outfit) does this look
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like something the girlfriend of a paleontologist would wear?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> I don't know, you might be the first one.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Rach, did you check the machine?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh, no. Wait, you know what, this is the outfit that makes my calves look
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fat. Nevermind.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, Joey, I wrote a little song today. It's called: Get Up.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> All right! You can have the chair.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Really!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Oh my, would you look at that! (holds up crossed fingers)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> (on machine) "Hi, it's me, I'm coming over now. Hey, what if I'm
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already there when your playing this message?" (to the guys) Is that too spooky?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> (on machine) "Hi Rach, are you there? It's me, pick up. Rachel.
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Rach!"</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering from her bedroom) What?!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Nevermind.</p>
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<strong>
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</strong><p><strong>Richard:</strong> (on machine) "Monica, it's Richard. Call me."</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Is-is-is that message old or new? (yelling) Old or new?! Old or new?!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> It's old, it's definitely old. Didn't you hear the, the double beep?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> What if it's new? I mean, we agreed not to talk again, unless we had
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something really important to say. Shouldn't I call him back?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Honey, you did call him back. 'Cause, it's, it's really old.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, see Mon, listen, listen. When Carol and I broke up, I went through the
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same thing. And you know what I did?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Huh?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> I.....got.....dressed. Really, really quickly. Okay, okay. (Rachel starts to
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follow Monica into her room, but Ross stops her and sends her back to her room.) There we
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go, there we go.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> You know what, okay, fine. Don't get up, you just sit right there. I just
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hope, you don't mind, you know, my hand right here. (holds his hand a couple of inches in
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front of Joey's face) Op, not touching, can't get mad! Not touching can't get mad! Not
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touching can't get mad! (Joey flings some dip onto Phoebe's dress)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ah! Oh my God! You r-r-rotten boys!</p>
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<strong>
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</strong><p><strong>Chandler and </strong><b>Joey:</b> Sorry Phoebe.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> I'm so sorry.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> What am I gonna do?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> No, no, don't, don't, rub it! Don't! (clapping) What gets out hummus?! What
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gets out hummus?!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Monica, Monica, you know what gets out hummus.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> If it is a new message, what is he calling to say?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, thanks. Yeah, I'll try that.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Maybe he's calling to say your obsessive and crazy.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> So, should I call him back?</p>
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<strong>
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</strong><p><strong>The Guys:</strong> Noo! (Monica starts to go back into her room and stops) NO!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, fine, you know what, we'll both sit in the chair. (sits on
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Joey's lap) I'm soooo, comfortable.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Me too. In fact, I think I might be a little too comfortable.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> All right! (jumps up)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, look, we have nineteen minutes. Okay, Chandler, I want you to go and
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change! Okay. And then, when you come back, Joey will go change, and he'll have vacated
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the chair. Okay. Okay.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> All right! Fine! I'm going. But when I get back it's chair sitting, and
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I'm the guy who's....sitting in a chair! (leaves)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering from her room) Is this a little too... (sees Phoebe) Pheebs, what
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happened?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hummus. I got the hummus.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Ooooh! Honey, well we'll find you something. Do you wanna wear my black
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jacket? </p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> That won't go with this dress though.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> No, you're right. Well, we'll find something. Let's just get you out of
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that. Come on.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> No, no, no, no, no, no, not out of that, not out of clothes.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Monica, can Phoebe borrow your green dress?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> I called him.</p>
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<strong>
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</strong><p><strong>All:</strong> Nooo.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Yes. Well I got his machine and I left a message. But it's okay, it's okay,
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it's okay, because you know it was like a casual, breezy message. It was breezy! Oh God,
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what if it wasn't breezy? </p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, how could it not be breezy, no, 'cause, you're, you're in such a
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breezy place.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Here, I got it. I'll will play my message for you guys, and you can tell me
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if it's breezy enough.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Monica, how are you gonna do that?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> I know the code to his answering machine.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, Mon, I really don't think this is the... Okay, you're dialing, you are
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dialing.</p>
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<p>(Chandler enters, and Joey is standing near the chair, they have a show down to see who
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gets the chair and Joey wins)</p>
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<strong>
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</strong><p><strong>Richard:</strong> (on machine) "Hi, this is Richard. Please, leave a message at
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the tone."</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Machine:</b> "You have two new messages."</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Wow, what a cool job. (in a machine voice) 'You have two new messages.'
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'Please, pass the pie.'</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> (on machine) "Hi, it's Monica. I'm just checking in 'cause I got this
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message from you and I didn't know if it was old or new or what. So, I'm just checkin'. So
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let me know, or don't, whatever. I'm breezy."</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, you can't say you're breezy, that, that totally negates the breezy.</p>
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<strong>
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</strong><p><strong>Woman's Voice:</strong> (on machine) Hola, it's me, yesterday was really fun. Call me
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about this weekend, okay.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Now she sounded breezy.</p>
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<strong>
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<p align="CENTER">Commercial Break</p>
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</strong>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier]</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> He's seeing someone. I can't believe he's seeing someone.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Monica, you don't know that.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Well, who's voice was that?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Maybe it was his sister's. You know, maybe it was his daughter's.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Michelle! Of course, it was Michelle! Did it sound like Michelle?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, great. It's starting to rain, that will make it easy to get a cab.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> It was Michelle. It was definitely Michelle.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Pheebs, you go with Monica and try on her green dress. If that doesn't
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work, you can wear my gray silk one. Oh, gosh, what am I wearing?!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> You don't, you don't know what your wearing?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, hon-ey. I'm just trying to look nice for your big night.</p>
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<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, which, which we have to leave for in exactly twelve minutes. All right,
|
|
come on, I'll just pick something out for you.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have
|
|
noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Milne, "Get out of my chair,
|
|
dillhole!"</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Okay. (he gets up and takes the cushions with him, as he starts to leave)</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> What are you doing?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't say anything about the
|
|
cushions.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> The cushions are the essence of the chair!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> That's right! I'm taking the essence.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh-ho, it'll be back. Oh-ho, there's nobody in the room.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Look, I'm sorry, I thought it looked pretty.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross, that was a Halloween costume, unless you would like me to go to this
|
|
thing as Little Bo Peep.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Look, I didn't recognize it without that inflatable sheep.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, which, by the way Chandler, I would like back one of these days.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh Rach, good, listen isn't this perfect for me! (she's wearing another
|
|
dress on a hanger around her neck)</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, it's perfect! But not for tonight.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, of course not for tonight. Yeah, hi!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Not for tonight. Not for tonight! Wh-what, what, what, are you doing?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> No honey, we're sorry, we didn't mean it. I love you. I love you.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> We used them as pillows when we went camping.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> (shyly) The sheep.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, what you do on your own time...</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Where's my underwear?!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, come on, what. You took his underwear?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> He took my essence!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, now hold on. Joey, why, why can't you just wear the underwear you're
|
|
wearing now?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Because, I'm not wearing any underwear now.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> It's a rented tux. Okay. I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, then it looks like somebody is gonna have to give back somebody his
|
|
cushions.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm gonna do the exact opposite to you.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> What are you, what are you gonna <b>show</b> me my clothes?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, opposite, is opposite! (leaves)</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> He's got nothing!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering from Rachel's room, wearing a huge bow to cover the stain) Okay,
|
|
I'm ready.</p>
|
|
<strong>
|
|
|
|
</strong><p><strong>Ross and </strong><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, aaaah!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Rachel, didn't have anything that I liked, so, but she had this Christmas
|
|
ribbon, and I thought, 'All right, fine I'll be political.'</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> What are you supporting?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Duh!! Christmas!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, hey, that's okay with me. Two down and I have exactly twelve
|
|
minutes.... Wha, my watch stopped. My watch. (shows Chandler) Okay, see, the, the dinosaur
|
|
tail isn't going around any more. (grabs Chandler's watch) What time is it? It's 7:33, I
|
|
have seven minutes. I have seven minutes!!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering from her room) Okay, Pheebs, quick, what shoes should I wear? The
|
|
black or the purple?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Just, just, just pick one!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, okay, okay, the black. But, oh, do you have black, with the little
|
|
strappys?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeahh, but, but those really go better with pants. Maybe I should wear
|
|
pants?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, pants, what, what an idea. Or better yet, um, how 'bout you go without
|
|
any pants. Look, I don't know what you're trying to do to me, but just get your butt in
|
|
there and pick out any shoes that fit your feet, okay. No, no I don't care if they match.
|
|
I don't care if they make your ankles or your knees or your earlobes look fat. Okay.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> But I...</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> No, no, no just do it. Go in there and pick something out so we can go.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> All right.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Thank you!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> (entering from her room) Okay. I gotta call Michelle. I gotta see if that
|
|
was her voice or not. I'm sorry, I just have to.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> It was, it was her voice.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Monica, I think you've gone over to the bad place.</p>
|
|
<strong>
|
|
|
|
</strong><p><strong>Michelle:</strong> Hola! Hello. Hello?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Okay. That was her right?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Definitely.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> See there you go. Woo! We're out of the woods. Okay, I'll get dressed now.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Yay!</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>(phone rings)</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> I'll get it, okay. (answers phone) Hi, Monica and Rachel's. (listens) Yeah,
|
|
just a second, can I ask who's calling. (to Monica) Oh, ew, it's Michelle! Ew! She, she
|
|
must have that Caller Id thing. You should get that. </p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> (on phone) Uh, Michelle. Yeah, that was me, I-I dialed your number by
|
|
mistake. (listens) Oh, you're so sweet. Yeah, we were a great couple. I know I really miss
|
|
him. Well, you know how it is, it's that....</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Phoebe) You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But
|
|
whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean,
|
|
what is that about?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> (on phone) Michelle, I only beeped in so I could hear my message. I mean
|
|
that's allowed. Yeah-huh! I mean look, yeah, you know what I would really appreciate it if
|
|
you didn't tell your Dad about. What do you mean, you're not comfortable with this? Come
|
|
on we're friends!! (Michelle hangs up) That bitch always hated me. I'm calling her back.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> No, no, no, no. Tick, tick, tick, tick.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, fine. (runs to her room)</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> They got a phone in there, right?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, we're on it. We're on it.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>(Rachel comes out from her room wearing sweat pants and a sweatshirt)</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Um. I know it says black tie optional, but, um this may be pushing it a
|
|
little, um.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> I'm not gonna gooo.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> You're not going to go.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> No, I think I'm gonna catch up on my correspondence.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> How, how, um how can you not be going?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> I'm not gonna gooo, so I think that will accomplish the not going.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Um, you know, just out of curiosity...</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, ever since I was humiliated and yelled at in front of my friends, I'm
|
|
just, I don't know, not in a museum benefitty kind of mood.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Right. Right, okay, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I yelled.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> It's fine.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> No, but, your-your mad.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> I'm not mad. </p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> No.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> I'm just not going.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Your not going.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Right.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Okay. You know that I-I have to go.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Um, hum.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Right. So is it gonna be like 'I'm abandoning you while your upset.'</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> No.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> No, because your not upset.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Right.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> About the yelling.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Right, and the humiliating.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, well of course, the humiliating. So, so wee, we're okay.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Um, hum.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> We're good.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Right.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Okay. Honey?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes, Ross. (turns toward him)</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> I love you. (goes to kiss her and she turns away.)</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> (yelling from the bedroom) Get away from that! No! (she comes into the
|
|
living room carrying the phone) She's just getting dressed.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by that?</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>(Joey enters wearing a lot of clothes)</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you
|
|
own.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh my God! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!! </p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I <b>be</b> wearing any more clothes? Maybe
|
|
if I wasn't going commando...</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Oooo-ooh!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any, I
|
|
don't know, lunges. (starts doing lunges)</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, okay. Enough, enough with the lunging. No! I'm sick of this. Okay. I've
|
|
had it up to here with you two! Neither you can come to the party!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Jeez, what a baby.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, Ross, way to ruin it. I was just going to get dressed.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is
|
|
the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I
|
|
wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what
|
|
can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> You could drink the fat.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Hi, welcome, to an adult conversation.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> No, no, no, now wait, wa, wa, waa-it a minute, wait a minute, wait a
|
|
minute, wait a minute. That actually, uh, that sounds interesting.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> I think you <b>should</b> drink the fat.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Yaaaay!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, okay. If that is what it takes to show you how much you mean to me, and
|
|
how much I want you there. Then that's what I'll do.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, wait, let me get you another glass. That's been sitting out.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> I think this will be fine. Okay, vanilla milkshake, just a vanilla milkshake,
|
|
with chicken bits floating in it. Cheers. (starts to drink, but Rachel stops him just
|
|
before he starts drinking)</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> No, no, no, wait! Okay, okay. Don't! I'll go, I'll go!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> You will?!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> You were really gonna do that, weren't you?</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Well, yeah.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> You were gonna drink the fat.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Let's see what else he'll do!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> (to Joey) How 'bout instead you, go get changed! (to Chandler) You, give him
|
|
back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two
|
|
minutes! Monica! </p>
|
|
|
|
<p>(Joey and Chandler start to leave, Joey is lunging as he is walking)</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Stop it. Stop it!</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>(Monica runs into the living room, and starts dialing the phone)</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ross, went to get a cab so we can all... No, wh-what are you doing! No,
|
|
Monica, no!</p>
|
|
<strong>
|
|
|
|
</strong><p><strong>Richard:</strong> (on machine) Hi, this is Richard.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Machine:</b> You have three new messages.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Not any more!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Machine:</b> Message erased. To record a message begin speaking at the tone.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something kind of crazy
|
|
tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know. Um, anyway, I, I, I
|
|
beeped into your machine and I heard a message that, that freaked me out, and um, you know
|
|
what Michelle will tell you the rest. I, I, um, I'm sorry, okay, I, I hope that we can
|
|
forget the whole thing. Okay, bye.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Machine:</b> Your outgoing message has now been changed.</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Outgoing! Did that say outgoing?! Not, outgoing!!!</p>
|
|
<b>
|
|
|
|
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> (on machine) "Hi, uh, Richard it's Monica, um, listen I did something
|
|
kind of crazy tonight, um, maybe I'm getting my period or something, I don't know."
|
|
Nooo!!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> How did you do that?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> I don't know!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Machine:</b> Good-bye.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Noooo!!!!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Okay, okay, okay, I've got two cabs and no people. Go! Go! Go!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Maybe we could call the phone company. Maybe they could change the message.
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Maybe they can change his number. </p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, after this, I think he'll be doing that himself.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Rachel!! (she enters) Wow! You, uh, you look, wow!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> And I still have about five seconds to spare. (kisses him) Okay, that was
|
|
about seven seconds.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> So we're a little late.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Come on. (they start to leave) Oh! And, uh, by the way....</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> I'm going commando, too.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Awwww!!!</p>
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<strong>
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|
<p align="CENTER">Closing Credits</p>
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</strong>
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<p>[Scene: At the banquet]</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Sherman Whitfield:</b> Dr. Geller, Sherman Whitfield, London Institute.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Wow! What a pleasure.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Whitfield:</b> (sits down) Well, I have to tell you, I was quite impressed with your
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paper on Pre-Cretaceous fossils. Yeah, it confirmed everything that I have written.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Excuse me. Hi.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Whitfield:</b> Yes?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, your kind of sitting in my seat.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Whitfield:</b> What do you mean, your seat?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> I mean, I was sitting there.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Whitfield:</b> But, you got up!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> But, I never left the room!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Whitfield:</b> But, you left the chair area.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, that's it, give me your underwear.</p>
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<strong>
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<p align="CENTER">End</p>
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</strong>
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</body></html> |