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<!-- saved from url=(0053)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season8/822ril.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One Where Rachel Is Late</title>
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<meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 3.0">
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<meta name="Template" content="C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\Templates\Friends.dot">
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One Where Rachel Is Late</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Shana Goldberg-Meehan<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:webmaster@thecfsi.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is showing everyone a poster as Ross enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! What are you guys looking at?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, it’s a poster for that World War I movie that I’m in, check
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it out.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah? Wow! It looks <b>really</b> violent!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh-huh! I know. I’m coming soon to a theater near you! I’m in
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THX! I’m unsuitable for children!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Now I cannot wait to see this.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, yeah, it’s already generating Oscar buzz.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I started that!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I thought I did! Oh hey guess what? The premiere is next week and
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you’re all invited! (They all gasp.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Are we gonna take a limo?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Sure! Why not?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh I love taking limos when nobody died!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well obviously I won’t be able to come, for those of you who
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haven’t checked their calendars today is my due date. Well y’know, I just want
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to take a moment and thank you guys for how great you’ve been during this time. I
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really couldn’t have done it without you. And I have <b>loved</b> these last nine
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months! And even though I am so looking forward to the next part, I am really gonna miss
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being pregnant.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse, and Rachel is entering still pregnant.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> That’s right, still no baby! (To Monica, Joey, and Chandler on the
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couch) Come on people! Please make some room!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh sweetie, maybe you’d be more comfortable here? (Gets up from the
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green armchair.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You. Like you haven’t done enough.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Look, I-I know how miserable you are, I wish there was something I can do.
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I mean I wish I were a seahorse. (She glares at him) Because with seahorses it’s the
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male, they carry the babies. And then also umm, I’d be far away in the sea. (He sits
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back down.)</p>
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<p>(Rachel turns and looks at the group on the couch and they move over. Chandler measures
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the room they’ve made with his arm and decides it’s not enough and they all move
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over again.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> God. (Sits down.) I have never been so uncomfortable in my entire life!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh I know, I’ve been there. I remember toward the end…</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (interrupting her) Oh Phoebe, that’s a great story. Can you tell it
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to me when you’re getting me some iced tea? (Phoebe gets up and Rachel groans.) (To
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the baby) Oh God, get out! Get out!! Get out!! Get out!!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Let’s. (Everyone gets up and leaves Rachel.)</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are there as Rachel
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enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey! Did you have the baby yet?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Do you want me to come over there and sit on you? ‘Cause I’ll
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do it.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What are you doing here so early?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> They sent me home from work. They were like, "Start your maternity
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leave now! Just rest, get ready for the baby." Well y’know what? Screw ‘em!
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If they don’t want me there, I’ll just hang out with you guys.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Or you can do <b>volunteer</b> work.</p>
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<p>(Joey’s cell phone rings and he answers it.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hello?</p>
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<p><b>Estelle:</b> Joey! It’s Estelle! Great news, I was able to get you and one
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guest tickets to your premiere.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> One guest? You told me I can have six tickets!</p>
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<p><b>Estelle:</b> Well, I sold four of them on <i>Ebay</i>. You’ll be sitting next
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to HotGuy372.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh my God. So that’s it?! I only get to bring one guest?</p>
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<p><b>Estelle:</b> Yeah, what time do you wanna pick me up? (Joey hangs up on her.) Hello?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (to Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe) Did you hear that? I only get one extra
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ticket to my premiere. So some how I have to pick between you three and Ross.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (overhearing that) What-what about me?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> You said you didn’t want to go.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don’t. But I would still like to be acknowledged. What? Just
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because I’m pregnant you think I’m invisible.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Definitely not invisible.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, well Ross didn’t care enough to be here, so I think he’s
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out. You snooze you lose.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> He’s not snoozing, he’s teaching a class.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well then somebody’s snoozing. Joey, not that this uh should affect
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you at all, but if you were to pick me, I was planning on wearing a sequined dress, cut
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down to here. (Points to her stomach just above her belly button.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I haven’t seen this dress.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Star in a movie.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Joey, you pick who ever you want. Okay? You just listen to your heart.
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What does it tell you? (Mimicking a heartbeat and tapping her chest.) Phoebe, Phoebe.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well uh…I think I want to take Chandler.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (still mimicking a heartbeat, only faster)
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Phoebe-Phoebe-Phoebe-Phoebe—Burrrrr! (Mimics the sound of a cardiac monitor going
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off.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You really want to take me?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah! Yeah! I mean I’m sorry, I wish I can take everybody, but
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y’know Chandler always supported my career. He’s paid for acting classes and
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head shots and stuff and well this will be my way of paying you back.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> So you’re never actually going to pay me back?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Wait a minute, just because he paid for your head shots you’re
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gonna take him? Joey, I don’t think you’re comprehending just how slutty this
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dress is!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> It’s not just the stuff he paid for, I mean it’s-it’s
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everything. Y’know? He read lines with me. He-he went with me on auditions when I was
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really nervous, and then he consoled me after I didn’t get parts that I really
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wanted. You always believed in me man. Even, even when I didn’t believe in myself.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I always knew you were gonna make it. I’m so proud of you.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Thanks. That means a lot to me.</p>
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<p>(They look at each other and smile for a while.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Mon, maybe one of these guys wants to wear your dress.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (in a manly voice) I’m gonna go shave. (Gets up.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (in a manly voice) Yeah well, I’m gonna go spit. (He goes into
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the bedroom. On his way out, Joey gives Rachel a wide berth.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, I have to pee. If I don’t come out in five minutes it’s
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because I’ve choked to death on the potpourri stink. (Goes into the bathroom.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> When she comes out, you hold her nose, I’ll blow in her mouth, and
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the kid will just (makes a popping sound) right out of her.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> She’s over a week late! She gotta have it today, right?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I don’t know. I-I think it’s still gonna be a while.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hmm, care to make it interesting? I’ll bet you that she’ll
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have it by this time tomorrow.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You’re on!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, how much?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> One <b>hundred</b> thousand dollars!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> How about fifty bucks?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Fine! I’ll call Zurich and move some money around.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (calling from the bathroom) All right, who’s turn is it to help me
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get up!</p>
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<p>(They both look at each other, then Phoebe gets an idea.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No one’s here! (Monica looks at her.) Oh damnit!</p>
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<p>[Scene: The World Premiere of Over There, Joey and Chandler are arriving in a limo and
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are about to walk down the red carpet.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> This is so exciting! It’s so glamorous! People taking our
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picture. How do I look?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> A little tall.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Do you mind crouching down a little bit, so that I look taller? (Chandler
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does so) There you go. (And they walk down the red carpet.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> It’s just so glamorous.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is entering, still pregnant.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh hey Mon? Rach is here! Ohh, you’re still pregnant. Oh, I’m
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sorry. I know how uncomfortable you are. Y’know what? You look great. Yeah, like
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fifty bucks.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, I have to go pee. Apparently this baby thinks that my bladder is a
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squeeze toy. (Goes to the bathroom.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Damnit! Damnit!! Here’s your fifty bucks! (Pays Phoebe.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It’s interesting that you lost. Now, I forget, do you like to lose?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Now stop it! Double or nothing that she has it by tomorrow!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Fine! You’re on!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Until then, General Grant, why don’t you set up camp (She puts the
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bill in her bra) right there.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hey is Rachel here? We have a doctor’s appointment.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> She’s in the bathroom.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Rach, we gotta go.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> In a minute!!!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> People ask me why we’re not together, I just don’t know what to
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tell them.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering) All right, all right. Let’s go!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh, do you wanna go change first? The doctor’s keeping the office
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open late for us, but if you hurry…</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, I’m fine.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Really? You don’t think that’s a little inappropriate.
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(She’s wearing a tank top and has her belly sticking out.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Good God man don’t anger it.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross, it is 100 degrees outside. For the first time in weeks, I am
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somewhat comfortable.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Fine! Fine! Y’know what? Whatever you want. Okay? You’re the
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mommy.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh uh-uh pal! Don’t call me mommy! It’s bad enough you call
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your own mother that. (He looks at Monica.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I’m actually with her on this one.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Inside Joey’s Premiere, he is intently watching the movie.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (onscreen) "I thought I knew who the enemy was, but it was you all
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along." </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (To Chandler) Okay, this is it. It’s my big fight scene coming up.
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(He looks over and Chandler and notices that he’s asleep.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Dr. Long’s Office, Ross and Rachel are waiting for the doctor. Ross is
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drumming his fingers on the bed.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Can I ask you something?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh-huh.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> When Carol was pregnant with Ben…</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Mmm?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> …were you this irritating?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Wow!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Excuse me?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh nothing. Nothing! Just uh, you’ve been a little short with me
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lately. I’m not trying to irritate you.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well then you just must have a natural talent for it.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Y’know what? The doctor will be in soon, why don’t we not speak
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until then.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (silently) Okay. (Pause) Seriously, breathe louder Ross! That’s
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great!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Y’know we should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to
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deliver a baby that’s half human and half pure evil!</p>
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<p>(Dr. Long enters.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi Dr. Long, how are you?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Rachel) Oh, you’re nice to her.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> She has the drugs!</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Long:</b> We’ll do a quick check.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. (Rachel lies back.)</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Long:</b> So, eight days late huh?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Long:</b> You must be a little uncomfortable.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Eh, just a tad.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Long:</b> You’re about 80 percent effaced, so you’re on your way. It
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still could last a little while longer. If you’re anxious there are a few ways to
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help things along.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Do them!!</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Long:</b> Actually, they’re things you can do. Just some home remedies, but
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in my experience I’ve found that some of them are quite effective.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, we are ready to try anything.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Long:</b> Okay, there’s an herbal tea you can drink.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Long:</b> You can take some caster oil, there’s eating spicy foods…</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Great! We will do all of those.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Long:</b> …taking a long walk, and then there’s the one that’s
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proved most effective: sex.</p>
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<p>(Rachel turns and looks at Ross.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> You’ve got to be kidding me!</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Joey’s Premiere, the movie is ending and it takes the applause to wake up
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Chandler.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Good job Joe! Well done! Top notch!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> You liked it? You really liked it?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh-ho-ho, yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Which part exactly?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> The whole thing! Can we go?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh no-no-no, give me some specifics.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I love the specifics, the specifics were the best part!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, what about the scene with the kangaroo? Did-did you like that part?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I was surprised to see a kangaroo in a World War I epic.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> You fell asleep!! There was no kangaroo! They didn’t take any of my
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suggestions! That’s for coming buddy. I’ll see you later. (Starts to walk out.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Don’t go! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! (Sees another guy
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who is still asleep.) Look! This guy fell asleep! He fell asleep too! Be mad at him!
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(Looks at him more closely.) Or, call an ambulance.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Rachel are there as Phoebe and Monica enter.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What did the doctor say? Any news on when the baby will come?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No. But she did give us some ideas on how to induce labor.</p>
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|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, we tried them all. We went for a walk, uh we tried a special tea,
|
||
caster oil, spicy food nothing has worked.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, there is one thing that we haven’t tried, but someone thinks
|
||
that, (mimicking Ross) "That will open up a can of worms."</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well what is it? What is it? If it’s gonna help bring the baby
|
||
here, like today. I mean, I think you should do it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> It’s sex.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Do it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Monica!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I’m just saying it’s been a really long time for you. I mean,
|
||
women have needs. Do it, get yours!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh I-I don’t know about that. No, I think that if the two of you
|
||
had sex the-the-the repercussions would be catastrophic. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, let’s be practical, if Ross isn’t willing to do it,
|
||
he’s not the only guy in the world you can have sex with. You can borrow
|
||
Chandler—Chandler is good!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Monica, what is the matter with you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Nothing. I just want the baby to be born today.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Why? Why today?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay fine! I keep betting Phoebe that you’re gonna have the baby
|
||
and I don’t want to lose again!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?! While she’s been going through this hell, you’ve been
|
||
making money?! You’re betting on your friend staying in this misery?! (Phoebe lowers
|
||
her head and shakes it yes.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’ll take that bet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I’m miserable here! I might as well make some money out it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Can I get some of that action?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wait a minute! Now I’m betting against all three of you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh honey, don’t worry. I really do feel like tomorrow’s the
|
||
day.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel turns her head to Ross and Phoebe and mouths, "No way.")</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is there as Joey enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey! Sleeping beauty!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Where have you been?! I tried to call you! I want to talk to you! I
|
||
still feel so bad!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (in a baby voice) Oh no, were you upset? Did you lose sleep?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I’m so sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh-huh look, the only reason I can over here was to settle things between
|
||
us! Okay? You’ve done a lot for me and my career, I wanted to pay you back so I took
|
||
you to the premiere but you missed it! Okay, so how much do I owe you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Give me a number, I don’t want to owe you anything!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You don’t owe me anything, I don’t want you money…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ah-ah-ah! We’re doing this! Okay, now you got me my first set of head
|
||
shots. Right, how much were those?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don’t know, five hundred dollars?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, five hundred dollars. What else?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well then there was the second set, the infamous booger head shots.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, so that’s another five hundred. Five hundred and five hundred,
|
||
that’s… (Pauses to figure it out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Do you want a calculator?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Please! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Here! (Hands him one. Joey adds it up and discovers that he was
|
||
right.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, what else?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well uh, there was acting classes, stage combat classes, tap
|
||
classes…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Which we’re still keeping under our hats!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Uh then there was that dialect coach who helped you with that play
|
||
where you needed a southern accent. Which after twenty hours of lessons still came out
|
||
Jamaican. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What the hell are you talking about, (in a Jamaican accent) "The
|
||
south will rise again man."</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, money well spent!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah. Okay, what else? Rent!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, two, three years of rent, utilities, food…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay. Okay, so I’m writing you a check for…So you fell asleep
|
||
during my movie. Big deal right? How do you clear this thing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are trying the home remedies again.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Come on, finish your enchilada.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross I—We tried all the spicy food. It’s not working.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay here, have one of these peppers. Oh ha… Oh God! So…so hot!
|
||
(Rubs his eyes.) Oh my—(Laughs.) By the way, you don’t want to touch the pepper
|
||
and then touch your eye.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I am feeling nothing. Speaking of hot, watching you do that really makes
|
||
me want to have sex with you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Stop it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh come on Ross, why are we wasting our time with this other stuff?! We
|
||
know what’s gonna work! It’s doctor recommended!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m sorry, but we have to have some boundaries! My God, I’m
|
||
dying.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh come on Ross, we’ve done it before we’ll do it again,
|
||
it’ll be a nice way to bookend the pregnancy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> This is insane, I’m not gonna make love to you just so that
|
||
you’ll go into labor.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Make love? What are you a girl?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Always a great way to get in a man’s pants.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> But you will, you will be performing a service. Okay? Just-just think of
|
||
me as a ketchup bottle, y’know you sometimes you have to bang on the end of it just
|
||
to get something to come out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I love when you talk dirty to me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, I know it. You’re right. That’s not sexy. Oh…Oh!
|
||
(Drops a fork on the floor.) Whoops! Oh, I seem to have dropped my fork. Let me just bed
|
||
over and get it. (Tries too, but can’t quite seem to make it.) Oh God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay enough! This is, this is not going to happen.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Come on Ross! I’m miserable here! Come on! You started this, now
|
||
you finish it! Come on wuss, make love to me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Y’know what?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Forget it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh wow! What now Ross you’re not gonna talk? How on earth will you
|
||
ever annoy me? Oh wait a minute, I know. (Mimics his breathing.) I mean you’d think
|
||
the damn jalepeno would’ve cleared up your sinuses, but no!! That’s not
|
||
enough… (Ross jumps over and kisses her.) What are you doing?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m getting that baby out of you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They kiss again.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (breaking the kiss) Oh God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, I know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh no. No-no! I think my water just broke.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I am good. Okay! Okay! Uh, I got the pillow! I got the bag! You got the
|
||
keys?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay! I got the keys! Okay! Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> We’re having a baby.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They hug and then kiss one more time.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I didn’t uh, really have time to read this part of the books, but
|
||
do you think we have time to…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Not so much.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is paying Phoebe.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Two hundred.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Thank you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> That’s it. I’m done. I don’t care when the baby comes, no
|
||
more betting.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The phone rings and Monica answers it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hello? (Listens) Uh-huh. (Listens) Uh-huh. (Listens) Okay. (Hangs up.) I
|
||
guess we can bet one more time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Is Rachel having the baby?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> How did you know that?! (Runs to yell at Joey’s apartment.) Joey!
|
||
Chandler!! It’s time!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> They’re at the coffeehouse.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You know everything!! Oh wait, double or nothing. I bet you the baby is
|
||
over seven pounds. (Phoebe isn’t interested.) I bet you it has hair. (She’s
|
||
still not interested.) I bet you it’s a girl.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> We know it’s a girl! (Exits.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (following her) I’ll give you really good odds.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |