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<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season7/713towrd.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One Where Rosita Dies</title>
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<meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 4.0">
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<meta name="Template" content="C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\Templates\FRIENDS.dot">
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One Where Rosita Dies</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Teleplay by: Brian Buckner & Sebastian Jones<br>
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Story by: Sherry Bilsing & Ellen Plummer<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to move Joey’s chair and not having
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much luck at it as Joey enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What are you doing?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, y’know I was thinking of moving the couch over here.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (laughs) Why would you want to do that?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> So that there will be a decent place for me to sit.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Rach, there <b>is</b> a decent place to…</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> And your <b>lap</b> does not count! Okay? Come on, help me move this.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No. No. No.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No. Rosita does not move.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m sorry, Rosita? As in…</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> As in Rosita does not move.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey, it’s just a chair! What’s the big deal?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> The big deal is that it is the exact equal distance from the bathroom to
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the kitchen and it’s at the perfect angle so you don’t get any glare coming off
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of Stevie.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Stevie the TV?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (glaring at her) Is there a problem?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No! (Joey sets his beer and bag of chips down and heads into his room.)
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Oh what does he know! Come on Rosita, us chichas got to stick together! (She tries pulling
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on the back of the chair, until the hinge breaks and the back falls off.) You bitch!</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are on the couch talking. Phoebe is getting
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coffee.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, y’know what’s weird? After you guys get married, when you
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introduce me to people you’re gonna have to say, "This is my brother-in-law
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Ross." Not, "My friend Ross," "brother-in-law Ross." That’s
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weird isn’t it?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Couldn’t I just say, "This is Ross?"</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (disappointed) Sure, do whatever you want.</p>
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<p>(Phoebe sits down between Chandler and Ross.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering, carrying a newspaper) Hey Ross! So, I was checking out the
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uh, real estate section…</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Look at this. (Hands him the newspaper.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, it looks like mom and dad’s house. Oh, it even has a tree with a
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broken limb out front and the uh, the window in the attic is…Oh my God!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What? What happened to the window in the attic?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I can’t believe mom and dad are selling the house!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I can’t believe they-they didn’t even tell us!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I can’t believe I still don’t know what happened to the <b>window</b>
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in the attic!</p>
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<p>(Ross calls his parents on his cell phone.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (on phone) Uh, hello dad! Monica and I just saw the house in the paper!
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(Listens) Yes we’re surprised! (Listens) Who did you leave a message with?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (knocking on the window while outside) Sorry! (Runs off.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is examining the injury to Rosita while Rachel is
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apologizing to him.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey, Joey I am so sorry.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I told you not to move it! Rach, how would you feel if say, I wanted to
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move your mom, and you said don’t, and I did it anyway and her <b>head</b> fell off?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, come on—Joey, I’ll buy you a new one! All right?
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We’ll go down to the store right now and we’ll-we’ll get you a new chair.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (slowly turning and glaring at her) She’s not even cold yet!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> But don’t you think Rosita would’ve wanted you to move on? I
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mean y’know, she did always put…your comfort first.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> That’s true.</p>
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<p>(Rachel turns for the door and makes the "Wow!" face.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (grabbing her coat) Okay? You ready?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, I… (Shuts off the TV.) I don’t want Stevie to see her like
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this.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Monica are still going on about the house.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I can’t believe we have to say goodbye to the house we grew up in.
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Man, some-some stranger’s gonna be living in <b>my</b> room.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, after 15 years of mom and dad keeping it as a shrine to you,
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it’s time the velvet ropes came down.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> They kept your room for a while.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh please! Dad turned my room into a gym 20 minutes after I moved out! I
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gotta say, a tanning bed and a stack of <i>Victoria’s Secret</i> catalogues, not a
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gym!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Come on, you know they love you.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> As much as they love you?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I was their first born! They thought she was barren! It’s not my
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fault.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering) Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ugh, I hate this year!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What’s wrong with this year?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well okay, it’s already February and I’ve only given two
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massages and they were both the worst tippers in the world!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> That was me and Ross.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh that’s right!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, y’know if you want to pick up some extra cash? Some friends of
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mine made good money doing telemarketing.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh that’s a great idea. You’re really good on the phone.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah and yeah, and it would probably be better than the last telephone
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job I had. Y’know, I probably wouldn’t have to say spank as much. (Monica and
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Ross are shocked.) </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh yeah, like you never called!</p>
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<p>[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is getting shown to her desk by the
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supervisor.]</p>
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<p><b>Supervisor:</b> So basically this is very easy. You read from the script and try to
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sell as much toner as you possibly can.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, I can do that! Oh, by the way, I <b>love</b> my office.</p>
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<p><b>Supervisor:</b> (laughs) Why don’t we do a trial run.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh okay. Umm, all right. (Picks up the phone and starts reading from the
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script.) Hi, this is Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to your supply
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manager please?</p>
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<p><b>Supervisor:</b> I’m the supply manager.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, okay I would like to talk to you about your toner needs.</p>
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<p><b>Supervisor:</b> We don’t need any toner.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh okay, well I’m sorry to bother you. Bye-bye. (Hangs up the
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phone.) Yeah you’re right, this is easy.</p>
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<p><b>Supervisor:</b> Okay, what was wrong with that call?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh well, all right…um, no offense, but you were kind of rude.</p>
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<p><b>Supervisor:</b> They’re always going to tell you they don’t need toner,
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but that’s okay because whatever they say, you can find the answer to it here in this
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script.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh.</p>
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<p><b>Supervisor:</b> So, I think you’re ready to sell toner, do you have any last
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questions?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No. (Pause) Oh wait yes! I do, I do have one question. What is toner?</p>
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<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is entering.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Joey! Joe! (Sees that he’s not here and starts investigating. He
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picks up the bag of chips.) Full bag. (He picks up the beer.) Beer’s still cold.
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Something <b>terrible</b> must’ve happened here! (He decides it’s not that
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important; sits down on Rosita, and the back falls off causing him to flip over.) Oh
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no-no-no-no-no-no! (Runs over to Stevie.) Stevie, I was never here! (Runs out.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Ross and Monica’s parent’s garage, Ross and Monica are arriving to go
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through their things. Mr. Geller is in the garage.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Dad?</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> I’m here!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering with Monica) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Hi. God, it seems like just yesterday you guys used to come out to
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watch me work.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Dad, we-we can’t believe you’re selling the house.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Well, it’s time for a new family to start their memories here
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and hopefully their check will clear before they find the crack in the foundation and the
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asbestos in the ceiling.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (To Monica) Let’s grab our stuff and get the hell out of here.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> I’m sorry we can’t store your childhood things anymore.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, that’s okay, I can’t wait to see everything again! All of
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the memories…</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Well, I don’t know what’s in the boxes down here, but I do
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know there are six or seven <i>Easy Bake Ovens</i> in the attic.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I used to <b>love</b> to play restaurant.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, not as much as you used to love to play uncooked batter eater.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey, it is unreasonable to expect a child to wait for a <b>light</b>
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bulb to cook brownies! (She goes to the attic.)</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> So, I think your boxes are over here. (They walk over to
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them.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Wow! Great! (Finds a pack of cigarettes.) Wait, dad who-who’s
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cigarettes are these?</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> I don’t know. They-they must be your mother’s, but please,
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please don’t ask her. I’ll throw these away. (He puts them in his pocket as Ross
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finds something of interest in one of his boxes.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Cool! Dad! My report cards! Hey, check this out dad, (reading his grades)
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Math, A. Science, A. History, A. Gym…(He puts it away and finds something else.)
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Oooh, my <b>rock</b> polisher!</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Oh look, look there’s your old makeup kit!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> It’s a clown kit! Clown kit!</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Well, the white seems to be untouched. (He throws it back into the
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box as Mr. Geller moves a tarp and makes a discovery.) Uh-oh.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Y’know how the garage floods every Spring?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> How are you ever going to sell this place?</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> I think I accidentally used Monica’s boxes to keep the water
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away from the <i>Porsche</i>.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh no. Dad! Dad! What…(He goes to open one of her boxes and it rips
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apart.) Oh God…everything’s ruined! Dad, she’s gonna be crushed!</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> You don’t secretly smoke do you?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No!</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> So it’s just your mother then.</p>
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<p>[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is hard at work.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (on phone) Hi, this Phoebe from Empire Office Supplies, can I speak to
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your supply manager please? (Listens) Earl, thanks. (Listens) Hi Earl, this is Phoebe from
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Empire Office Supplies I’d like to talk to you about your toner needs. (She’s
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reading from the script.)</p>
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<p>[Cut to Earl’s office, who is played by Jason Alexander, George from <i>Seinfeld</i>.
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They cut back and forth between Phoebe’s and Earl’s offices with each of their
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lines.]</p>
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<p><b>Earl:</b> I don’t need any toner.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’m hearing what you’re saying, but at our prices everyone
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needs toner.</p>
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<p><b>Earl:</b> Not me.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> May I ask why?</p>
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<p><b>Earl:</b> You wanna know why. You wanna know why?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I surely do!</p>
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<p><b>Earl:</b> Okay, I don’t need any toner because I’m going to kill myself.</p>
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<p>(Phoebe desperately tries to find the scripted response to that line.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (doesn’t have any luck) Umm, is-is that because you’re out of
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toner?</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still talking to Earl.]</p>
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<p><b>Earl:</b> Okay, so…no toner today. Thanks anyway, bye-bye.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No-no wait-wait! I can’t just let you hang up! Just please talk to
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me.</p>
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<p><b>Earl:</b> Well…I only have one thing to do today. (He looks at his board in his
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office that reads, "Today’s Tasks: KILL SELF.") I guess I could push it
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back.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah! Now, why do you want to kill yourself?</p>
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<p><b>Earl:</b> It’s just that I uh, have been working for ten years now at this
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meaningless, dead-end job and nobody here even knows I exist!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Chandler?</p>
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<p><b>Earl:</b> I-I’m sorry?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No look, I-I’m sure that people know you exist!</p>
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<p><b>Earl:</b> Oh yeah? I work in a cubicle surrounded by people. I’ve been talking
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to you for five minutes now about killing myself and no one’s even looked up from
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their desk. Hang-hang on. (To the people standing around his cubicle.) Hey everybody! Uh,
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I’m gonna kill myself! (There’s no response; no one even looks up.) I’ll
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get back to ya. (To Phoebe) I got nothing. Wait. (He sets the phone down.) Uh, hey Marge!
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(Mimes putting a gun to his head, pulling the trigger, and splattering his brain on the
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wall behind him. Then points to himself. Marge watches this, then goes back to work.) (To
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Phoebe) Ehh, nothing. Nothing.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler has replaced Rosita with his chair.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> My chair. Now, if anybody asks, your name is Rosita! (He runs out the
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door, grabs the back of Rosita, and we can hear Joey and Rachel talking as they are coming
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up the stairs. Neither of them have reached the landing yet.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You will like it!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No I won’t.</p>
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<p>(Chandler runs to check on them coming up the stairs.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You don’t even know!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Because, I know what I like and what I don’t like! It’s not the
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same thing!</p>
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<p>(Chandler throws the back of Rosita into his apartment and quickly starts pushing the
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base into his apartment.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well look, if you don’t like this…(The audience’s
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laughter at Chandler’s progress cuts out the rest of Rachel’s line.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I don’t know why you say that so soon.</p>
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<p>(Joey and Rachel reach the landing just as Chandler closes the door.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Come on Joey, I just bought you a new chair! The most expensive one in
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the store! Hey, y’know what I was thinking? We could name her Francette.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Francette? What is she? A couch?</p>
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<p>(They enter their apartment.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Poor thing. Cut down in her prime.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey, the new chair will be here in an hour. Maybe we should actually
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move Rosita out of here. Y’know, start the healing process?</p>
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|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, I guess you’re right. Maybe, maybe I’ll take her down to
|
||
the incinerator. It’s gonna be so sad, and kinda cool. (He goes to remove the back,
|
||
but it doesn’t come off. So he sits down in it, puts his feet up, stands up, and
|
||
looks back at it.) She’s healed!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> That’s weird.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No it’s not weird, it’s a miracle!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It’s not a miracle Joey! I’m sure there’s some
|
||
explanation.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh there is! If you want something enough and your heart is pure, wondrous
|
||
things can happen!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey, I really don’t…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (interrupting her) Can you tell me how this happened?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well no.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Miracle!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, y’know what? Maybe somebody came in here and fixed it! Or
|
||
something!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Someone like an…angel?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> That’s right Joey, the chair angel came in and healed your chair.
|
||
(She sits down in the chair.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (angrily) Get your non-believer ass outta my chair! (She gets up and heads
|
||
for her room.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Geller’s Garage, continued from earlier. Ross and Mr. Geller are still
|
||
deciding what to do.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Well, she’ll understand right? It’s not like I did it on
|
||
purpose.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Dad, that won’t matter to her. Look, all my stuff is safe and dry and
|
||
all hers is-is, is growing new stuff! See, this is exactly the kind of thing that makes her
|
||
think you guys love me more than you love her.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Oh my God, does she really thinks that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, can you blame her?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Well I don’t know, I-I suppose we may have favored you
|
||
unconsciously, you were a medical marvel! The doctor said your mother could…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Dad, dad I don’t want to hear about it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, not right now. Okay look, Monica came here for some memories and
|
||
damnit, we’re gonna give her some! Okay, grab…grab some empty boxes. Okay?
|
||
We’ll-we’ll take stuff from mine and whatever we can pass off as hers
|
||
we’ll-we’ll put ‘em in there. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Great!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Like uh y’know like this! This! (He picks up one of those art
|
||
projects that kids make in kindergarten and first grade.) She-she could’ve made this!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Sure!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Right? And this! (He picks up a trophy) She-she could’ve won this!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> (grabbing a glove) This could’ve been hers!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Sure! Ooh-ooh, what about this?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Your make-up kit? I’d feel better.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross angrily throws the kit into one of Monica’s new boxes.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sitting on the now healed Rosita as Rachel is sitting
|
||
in the newly arrived Francette. Francette is one of those new chairs from <i>La-Z-Boy</i>
|
||
that has and does everything except cook and go to the bathroom for you. It’s got a
|
||
small refrigerator under one armrest, it has phone jacks for the Internet and regular
|
||
phone, and so much more.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (grabbing a beer out of the chair’s fridge) I am so psyched I kept
|
||
this chair for myself!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, me too. (He flips up his armrest in disgust.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey, how’s…how’s the uh, miracle chair?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Fine.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah? Wow! Y’know, that this thing has speakers in the headrest!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No. Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah! You can hook it up to your TV <b>and</b> you get radio!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (quietly) My chair heals itself.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The telemarketing office, Phoebe is still trying to talk Earl out of suicide.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Earl, you’re not hearing me! All I’m saying is that
|
||
you’re not alone, alright? Everybody hates the people they work with! (One of her
|
||
coworkers overhears that, and she mimes that she didn’t mean him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Guy:</strong> (walking past Earl’s desk) Hey guy!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wait, what was that? That sounded like someone being nice to you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> No! That’s just the "Hey Guy" guy. He says that to
|
||
everybody! He’s the worst! I’d like to take him with me!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right. So Earl, let’s just forget about the people at the
|
||
office, okay? There-there’s gotta be someone else in your life worth sticking around
|
||
for! What about-what about your family, your friends, or maybe your girlfriend?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> (laughs) Yeah! Right!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh sorry, boyfriend!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> Oh no.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, whatever! Anything!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The "Hey Guy" Guy:</b> Hey guy!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, he’s gotta go.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> Okay, I should, I should probably be getting back to my thing now. See ya.
|
||
(Hangs up.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No! I’m not finished yet! Don’t! Don’t you dare hang up
|
||
on me!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Supervisor:</b> (walking by and overhearing that) (to the rest of the staff) The new
|
||
girl’s good.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Geller’s Garage, Mr. Geller and Ross are finishing up recreating
|
||
Monica’s memories as Monica enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey guys! Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey, I just whipped us up some <i>Easy Bake</i> treats, they should be
|
||
ready in about three days.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> (overacting) That’s a good one! Do you hear that Ross? Three
|
||
days!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (overacting as well) Yeah! Yeah! (Laughs.) Oh, this will make a great
|
||
memory.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (wary) Okay. So, which boxes are mine?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, these. These are yours right here. (Pointing to the boxes they just
|
||
created for her.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay. (Starting to go through them) Oh! A coloring book! (Holding it
|
||
up.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah. Yeah, oh you loved that thing. You always had it with you. You never
|
||
went anywhere without-without that coloring book.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (looking through it) Really? Wow! It looks like I had some trouble
|
||
staying inside the lines.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Nu-uh! (Grabs it and examines it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (holding up a glove) Oh, an old glove?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Oh, yeah you loved that glove! You took it every place you went. You
|
||
never went any place without that glove.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wow! Look at this! (Picking up a shirt.) I can’t believe I even fit
|
||
into this shirt! (She holds it up and it reads: Tyrannosaurus Ross.) (She turns it around
|
||
and looks at it.) Oh, this is yours. (Hands it to Ross.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, I don’t know how that got in there.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (holding up a small cowboy hat) This isn’t mine. (Sets it down and
|
||
looks at the rest of the boxes.) Hey, this isn’t, this isn’t my stuff! Ugh,
|
||
Ross! (Grabs and holds up a doll.) These are <b>your</b> boxes! Where are my boxes?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Umm, your boxes are umm…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Dad?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Well, the garage flooded sweetie and it ruined everything in your
|
||
boxes. I’m sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Just mine?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> I’m afraid so.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So why-why wasn’t Ross’s stuff ruined? (Pause) And if you say
|
||
the words medical marvel I’m going to <i>Easy Bake</i> your head!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Well, I used your boxes to divert water away from the <i>Porsche</i>.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So wait, Ross’s stuff is fine, but I have no memories because you
|
||
wanted to keep the bottom two inches of your car away from water!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> There was also leaves and guk and stuff.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I can’t believe this! (Storms out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> (To Ross) Screw it! I’m having one. (Takes out and lights a
|
||
cigarette.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is writing a letter by the bay window as Rachel
|
||
enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey Chandler!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> How would you like to sit in a chair that fully reclines, has a rolling
|
||
massage, and speakers in the head rest?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I’d love to but I’ve tried that so many times they
|
||
won’t even let me in the store anymore.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well what if I told you you can do it in my apartment?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (excitedly) Are you telling me that you bought the chair that is
|
||
making all other lounge systems obsolete? The chair that Sit magazine called the Chair of
|
||
the Year?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I just purchased the <i>La-Z-Boy E-cliner 3000</i>. (Which is an actual
|
||
product by the way, I’m not sure about the 3000 part.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> That’s awesome! That’s great! What made you do it?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, it’s a long story, but umm I broke Joey’s chair…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Whoa-whoa-whoa! <b>You</b> broke Joey’s chair?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I thought <b>I</b> broke Joey’s chair! That’s why I replaced
|
||
it with mine!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohhhhh. That’s how it got fixed!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, what did you think, that-that elves came in and fixed it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Noo! (Laughs) Angels.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I’m gettin’ my chair back! (Heads for Joey and
|
||
Rachel’s.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What? Wh-hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They enter Joey and Rachel’s to find that Joey has broken Chandler’s chair.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, it looks like it wasn’t healed after all! Yeah! So, I guess
|
||
this chair is mine now! (Sits down in it and groans.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Joey you broke my chair!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> <b>Your</b> chair?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, he thought he broke your chair so he switched the chairs!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So, there was no miracle?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No Joe, no miracle.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (sarcastic) Oh no this is devastating! My faith is shaken. I’m so
|
||
glad I have the new chair to get my through this difficult time in my life.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh-huh! Nice try, but you don’t get that chair anymore! All right?
|
||
That is my chair now! You can sit on my lap! (Joey starts to get up.) No I take that back!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I think I should get the chair!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel and Joey both laugh at that suggestion.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> How do you figure?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Because <b>you</b> (Points to Joey) broke a chair and you (Points to
|
||
Rachel) broke a chair! The only one around here that hasn’t broke a chair, is me!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No-no-no! This chair’s not going anywhere.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, where’s the logic in that?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> The logic is, that there are two of us and we are both strong enough to
|
||
break a chair in half!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So Joey breaks my chair and I get nothing!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey whispers in Rachel’s ear to confirm his response.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> That’s right!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What are you guys? Like a <b>gang</b> or something?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They confer again.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah! We are!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel whispers in Joey’s ear.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> We’re the Cobras!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Earl’s Office, Earl has his head in his hands as Phoebe enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (to Marge) Excuse me! Can you tell me where I can find Earl? He’s
|
||
the supply manager around here.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Marge:</b> Sorry, I don’t know any Earl.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> (screaming) I’m right here!!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (goes over to his desk) Earl! I’m Phoebe.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> Phoebe? The lady who sells toner?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, look it, you-you can’t kill yourself.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> (exhales) Look, um I really appreciate your coming down…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No-no I can’t! I can’t let you do it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> Why?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Because it was fate that made me call you today!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> I thought it was toner.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No! Think about it okay? <b>This</b> isn’t even my regular job!
|
||
Okay? And my first day on the job, you’re my first call! And-and somebody else
|
||
might’ve hung up on you, but I wouldn’t do that because I know about this stuff.
|
||
My mom killed herself.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> Really?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> How?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’m not gonna give you tips! Look don’t you see that
|
||
this-this…this all came together so that I could stop you from doing this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> Couldn’t it just be a coincidence?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, it’s fate!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> It doesn’t really seem like enough to be fate.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh. Well umm, okay here’s a weird thing. My mother was also a
|
||
supply manager.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> I’m actually the office manager.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God! So was she! And! Get this, okay? Your-your name is Earl,
|
||
right? Her name was Pearl, P-Earl.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> Well, was there anything else?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Sure! (Thinks.) Umm, where are you from?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> Philadelphia.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God! So was she! Oh, I’ve got-I’ve got goose bumps. (She
|
||
holds out her arm.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> (inspecting it) Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, y’know I’m wearing layers and it’s warm.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> Yeah-yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> But if—no look, okay. These jerks might not care about you, but the
|
||
universe does! And that says a lot!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> (To All) Did you hear that?! I don’t need you guys to care about me!
|
||
Because the universe cares! The whole universe! (Laughs as everyone ignores him.) (To
|
||
Phoebe) I really wished they’d care just a little bit though.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Y’know, I don’t-I don’t think it’s you. This is a
|
||
freaky place. (To All) Hey! Guys! (Everyone looks up.) (To Earl) Oh no, it’s you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Earl:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Geller’s Garage, Monica is picking through her ruined childhood
|
||
heirlooms with Ross.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, this is terrible! <b>Eve</b>rything is destroyed! Look at this. (She
|
||
picks up some kind of furry thing.) It obviously meant enough for me to save it, and I
|
||
don’t even know what it is! Ohh, it’s still soft. (She rubs it against her
|
||
cheek.) What do you think this is?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> All right. I think it was a mouse.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica screams, throws the mouse down, and rubs her hands on Ross’s sweater to
|
||
clean them.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> (entering) How are you honey?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> How do you think I am?! You’ve wrecked all my childhood memories.
|
||
You love Ross more than me. And I just rubbed a dead mouse on my face!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross gets up to let his dad sit next to Monica.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Sweetheart, we love you just as much as Ross! Now, I’m sorry
|
||
about everything that happened and I’d probably never be able to make it up to you,
|
||
but here’s a start. (He hands her a small box.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (opening it) What’s this?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> It’s the key to my <i>Porsche</i>. Well, the key to your <i>Porsche</i>.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (shocked) What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (even more shocked) What?!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> I’ve been thinking about getting rid of it. I was driving it
|
||
the other day and saw my reflection in a store window. Your mother’s right, I <b>do</b>
|
||
look like an ass.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wait, you’re giving me your <i>Porsche</i>, you’re kidding me
|
||
right?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well w-w-w-w-wait, w-wait, wait, wait a minute! I mean a couple of stupid
|
||
boxes get wet and she gets a <i>Porsche</i>?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> (To Monica) Why don’t we take it for a spin?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, what about me?! I’m a medical marvel!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is sitting in Joey’s lap on Francette, and
|
||
they’re both groaning.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ahhhh….</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ahhh…… (To Rachel) Eh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh-huh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering) Hey guys!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Do you guys know what happened to Chandler’s barcalounger?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh yeah, Joey broke it. Had to get rid of it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Are you kidding?! I get a <i>Porsche</i> and the barcalounger’s
|
||
gone?! This is the best day ever! (Runs out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
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</body></html> |