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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One Where Ross Dates A Student</title>
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<body link="#008000" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One Where Ross Dates A Student</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Seth Kurland<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Rachel, and Joey are there as Ross enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! I just got uh, my teacher evaluations! Check out what this one
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student wrote, "I loved Dr. Geller’s class. Mind blowing lectures! Dr. Geller,
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you are definitely the hottie of the paleontology department!"</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ahh, Hotties of the Paleontology Department, there’s a big
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selling calendar, eh?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Who wrote it?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, I wish I knew, but the evaluations are all anonymous.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh hey, do you still have their final exams?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, ‘cause you can just match the evaluation to the exam with the
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same handwriting and boom, there’s your admirer. (Ross is stunned.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> A hot girl’s at stake and all of the sudden he’s Rain Man.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, why are we so sure that this is a
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girl?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> It’s a girl! Anyway, it wou—it wouldn’t matter. Okay?
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Because I’m a teacher and <b>she’s</b> a student.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, is that against the rules?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No, but it is frowned upon.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I see.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Besides, there’s a big age difference.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, well think of it like this, when you’re 90…</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I know when I’m 90 she’ll be like 80 and it won’t seem like
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such a big difference.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No that’s not what I was going to say at all. No, what I was going to
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say is when you’re 90 you’ll still have the memory of what it was like to be
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with a 20-year-old.</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are eating breakfast as
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Joey enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Chandler! Y’know that girl you went to college with who-who
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became a movie director?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yeah, Dana Keystone. She was in my Movement class.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What’s a Movement class?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> It’s Chandler’s way of pretending he didn’t take mime.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh well listen, anyway she’s directing the new Al Pacino movie. You
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gotta get me an audition!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, I don’t know man. I haven’t talked to her in like ten
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years.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No-no-no, please-please Chandler I-I-I would owe you <b>so</b> much!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You <b>do</b> owe me so much. You owe me three thousand, four
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hundred…</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey-hey dude, why are you changing the subject? Why? Will you make the
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call or what?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh okay, I’ll-I’ll try.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right! Thanks! You’re the best! Now listen, the last day of
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auditions is Thursday. Okay? So I gotta get in there by Thursday. Okay? Just remember
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Thursday. Thursday. Can you remember Thursday?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah so, Tuesday?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (angrily) Thursday! Look if you need help remembering think of like this,
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the third day. All right? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when? Huh? What
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day? Thursday! The third day! Okay?!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (sarcastically) Thank you.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering from the bathroom) Hey Mon? I’m gonna check my messages.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You just thought of that in there?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah sure, nature called, she wanted to see who else did.</p>
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<p>(Rachel dials her number.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (on phone) Hello? (Shocked that someone answered.) Uh, Rachel. (To the
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gang.) Great, someone is in our apartment. Call the cops!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You’re on the phone!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (on phone) Oh my God! Oh my God! Thank you! (Hangs up) That was the fire
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department, there was a fire at our place!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God! How bad was it?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, he didn’t say, but it was a fire. I’m guessing not very
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good. Come on, we gotta go!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Come on! (The girls all run out and Joey holds up Chandler by smiling.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What are you smiling about? What is so funny?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> The part I want to audition for is a fireman, this is so meant to be!</p>
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<p>[Scene: N.Y.U. Paleontology department, Ross is putting up the grades on the message
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board.]</p>
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<p><b>Burt:</b> (another professor) Wow! It looks like you were very generous with your
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grades this semester! (Ross frantically starts to change some as a female student,
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Elizabeth, approaches.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Professor Geller?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (startled) Yeah?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Elizabeth:</b> I wanted to say how much I enjoyed your class.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh thank you. Thanks very much. (Leans up against the board and on a
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thumbtack.) Ow! (He pulls away.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Uh, I’m a little embarrassed about calling you a hottie on my
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evaluation…</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> That was you?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Yeah. I felt a little weird about it. You’re a teacher. I’m a
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student. But would you maybe want to go out with me sometime?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh I, I don’t-I don’t think that would be the best idea.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Oh, because I was thinking, the semester’s over; you’re not my
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teacher anymore.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What time?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Elizabeth:</b> (checks her grade) Oh, y’know what? Forget it, you already gave me
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an A.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Gotcha. (Starts to leave.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Elizabeth:</b> I’m kidding!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh! So-so seriously, what time?</p>
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<p>[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, everyone minus Ross are arriving to inspect the damage.
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The fire department is still there.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Coming through! (Has to dodge a fireman) Oh! Coming through! (Sees a
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cute one.) Oh! Hello! Hi! (Smiles then realizes) No! Right! Coming through! </p>
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<p>(They start to look around seeing that the living room is undamaged.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh well, it’s not so bad. </p>
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<p><b>Fireman #1:</b> Yeah, most of the damage is pretty mostly contained in the bedrooms.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> My God! (They both run into the bedrooms.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (to the fireman) Hey buddy, do you think I can borrow your uniform this
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Thursday?</p>
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<p><b>Fireman #1:</b> Excuse me?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Joey! He’s working! (To Chandler) You would look <b>good</b> in
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that.</p>
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<p>(Phoebe and Rachel return)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, how bad is it?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, it’s bad. It’s really bad. The only thing in there that
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isn’t burned is an ass. Which I do <b>not</b> remember buying!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> How’s your room Rach?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Everything’s ruined. My bed. My clothes. Look at my favorite blue
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sweater. (Hold it up.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Isn’t that mine?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Fine! I’m sorry for your loss! (Hands it back to her.)</p>
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<p><b>Fireman #1:</b> So uh, you’re not gonna be able to live here for a while, you
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ladies have a place to stay?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (stands up) Wow! Oh-okay, look pal, I am <b>not</b> in the mood to be
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hit on right now! But if you give me your number I will call you some other time.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (pulling Rachel back down) Yes, they can stay with us.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Have you figured out what started the fire Mr. Fireman?</p>
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<p><b>Fireman #1:</b> Well uh, do either of you smoke?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, not usually. But yeah, I could use one right now.</p>
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<p><b>Fireman #1:</b> No-no-no, do you uh light candles? Burn incense?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes! I do! All the time! I love them! Oh my God! I did it! It’s me!
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It’s me! I burned down the house! I burned down the house!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay Phoebe calm down, there’s no need to place blame. Okay? (To
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the fireman) I warned her about those candles.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is on the phone as Joey enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> God, it’s great to catch up! I can’t believe how long
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it’s been!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Chandler, is that… (Mimes someone using a movie camera and Chandler
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nods yes.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (on phone) Oh that’s great! Good for you.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey-hey listen… (Chandler waves him away.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay! So yeah, maybe we can get together umm… (Joey mimes
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throwing something in the air, catching it, rolling it out, putting it in an oven and
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cutting it.) Can you hold for one second please? (To Joey) What?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> When you’re off the phone, do you wanna get a pizza?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (on phone) Hi! I’m back. (Goes to hang up the phone.) Yeah, that
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sounds great. (Listens) Okay. Well, we’ll do it then. (Listens) Okay, bye-bye. (He
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hangs up the phone and turns around to see Joey standing close to him and screams.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey listen, so when’s-when’s my audition? I mean I know
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it’s Thursday, but what time?</p>
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<p>(Monica enters.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (To Joey) We didn’t get to the audition. I’m gonna take her
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to coffee and then we’ll do it then.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ah-ha!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Wow! So, now you’re going on a date with this girl?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Honey, it is not a date! I haven’t talked to her in ten years!
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You can’t just call up somebody you haven’t talked to in ten years and ask them
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for a favor. There are rules, y’know? You gotta, you got to put in some time.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s not like you’re
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y’know, going out with an ex-girlfriend.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, we only went out once.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You dated her!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Not once!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, well why don’t I go out with an ex-boyfriend and do Joey
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a favor?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, you wanna do Joey a favor, maybe you go out with Joey. (He turns
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around to see Chandler glaring at him.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is having coffee with Dana.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (laughs) Oh that’s great, my friend Joey’s in the movie
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business.</p>
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<p><b>Dana:</b> Y’know who I ran into from school? Howie.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (giggles) My friend’s name is Joey.</p>
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<p><b>Dana:</b> Apparently Howie’s editing now. Yeah, he-he-he calls me up and asks
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me if he can edit my new movie. Can you believe that?! Y’know I-I-I haven’t
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spoken to him in like ten years and he asks me for a favor!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I’ve always hated that Howie.</p>
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<p><b>Dana:</b> No, no "How you doing?" Man, I mean not even a cup of coffee
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first!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> The nerve huh?</p>
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<p><b>Dana:</b> Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Refill?</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is about to debut Hotel Monica (formerly known as
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Rachel’s Room) to Phoebe and Rachel.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Now, this is last minute so I want to apologize for the mess. Okay?</p>
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<p>(They walk into a completely redecorated and repainted room. And of course, the room is
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immaculate. Only an obsessive-compulsive like Monica could find fault with the room.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God! It sure didn’t look this way when I lived here.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I know! Now look, there’s only one problem though. There’s
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only room for one, so I guess one of you will have to stay at Joey’s.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, since the fire was kinda my fault I guess (To Rachel) you should
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get to stay here.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey! Hey-hey, now this was no one’s fault Pheebs. Okay? It was an
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accident.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well no, it was my fault so you should get the nice room.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay! (She jumps on the bed.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> So Rach! You’re the first guest at Hotel Monica! Umm, you’ll
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just have to tell me how you like your eggs in the morning. And I thought I would bring
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them to you, y’know, in bed. Oh, you have been through so much.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I have.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is showing Phoebe around.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> This right here is where I keep the pizza. (He points to the chair.) And
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uh that’s where the napkin is. (Points to the floor next to the chair.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What’s that smell?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I know! (Shrugs his shoulders.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: A street, Ross is walking with Elizabeth on their date.]</p>
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<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Oh please! It was such a big class! You never even noticed me!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What? Of course I did! You uh, you sat next to Sleepy Sleeperson.</p>
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<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Who?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh uh, I had trouble remembering everyone’s name, so I-I kinda came
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up with nicknames. Like the guy on the other side of you was Smelly von Brownshirt.</p>
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<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Oh yeah. So umm, did you have a nickname for me?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Umm, no. No.</p>
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<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Yes you did! What was it?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Umm, it’s Cutie McPretty.</p>
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<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Ohh that’s so sweet!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Listen, I gotta tell ya, I-I’m having a great time! Y’know how
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before you said it might be weird, the whole student teacher thing, and to be frank I
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thought it would be too, but it’s not. I mean it’s not at all.</p>
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<p><b>Burt:</b> (exiting from a restaurant) Dr. Geller!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (pushing Elizabeth into a doorway) Burt!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Phoebe and Rachel's, Phoebe and Rachel are cleaning up the mess.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So did you sleep well last night?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I did. </p>
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||
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I did, Monica was so sweet she left a little mint on my pillow.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Y’know what Joey left on my pillow?</p>
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||
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?</p>
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||
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Gum!</p>
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||
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<p><b>Fireman #2:</b> Well, we determined the cause of the fire.</p>
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||
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah I know, it was my candle. My candle!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Fireman #2:</b> No, there was an appliance left on in the bathroom. It’s looks
|
||
like a curling iron.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I don’t use a curling iron.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Fireman #2:</b> Well someone does.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe looks at Rachel.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, don’t look at me! My hair’s straight! Straight!
|
||
Straight! Straight!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Fireman #2:</b> It could’ve been a hair straightener.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is now showing Rachel around.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> This is where I keep the pizza. (It’s the same location as before.)
|
||
And—Hey! Where did the napkin go?! (The napkin is not in it’s spot.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is reading and Monica runs over and turns on the
|
||
lamp behind Phoebe.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Now there you go! I wouldn’t want my best guest to strain her eyes!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Thanks Monica!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Does that smell bother you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What the smell from Joey’s? No, I can hardly smell it over here.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well you let me know if you can, because y’know I can bake a pie to
|
||
cover it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I can smell it a little, bake the pie.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The phone rings and Monica answers it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hello? (Listens) Oh yes, one minute please. (To Phoebe) It’s for
|
||
you. It’s the fire inspector.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! (Takes the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Yeah this is Phoebe. (Listens)
|
||
Really?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Joey’s, he’s on the phone.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (in a funny voice) Yeah, so it turns out that it wasn’t the hair
|
||
straightener that started the fire. (Rachel prompts him on what to say next.) No-no, it
|
||
was the candles. It’s very not good leaving candles unattended. In fact, one of the
|
||
first things they teach you in fire school is… (Phoebe suddenly enters.) Uhh…
|
||
Uhh… Okay. Well, I have to go now. (Phoebe leaves.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey's apartment, Ross is telling Monica and Joey about his date with
|
||
Elizabeth.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> We had such a great time! She’s-she’s incredible! I thought
|
||
the-the age difference might be a problem, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t at all.
|
||
Elizabeth is very mature for her age. (Joey makes the international sign for big boobies.)
|
||
(To Monica) A concept lost on some people!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So it’s okay to date a student.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, not really. I mean technically it’s-it’s not against the
|
||
rules or anything, but it is frowned upon. Especially by that professor we ran into last
|
||
night, Judgey von Holierthanthou.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well Ross, you be careful now. You don’t want to get a reputation
|
||
as y’know Professor McNailshisstudents. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah. What-what should I do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well Ross, it seems pretty clear. I mean what’s more important? What
|
||
people think or how you feel, huh? Ross, you gotta follow your heart.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Joey that is so sweet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He turns his back to Monica and does the international sign for big boobies again.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering) Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey-hey-hey! So, how did it go with Dana? Any reason I should leave a
|
||
block of time open say Thursday?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I couldn’t do it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You couldn’t do it?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, relax I just need more time. We’re going to dinner tonight.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?! You’re going out with her again!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Going out with who?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Uh, Dana Keystone from college.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh yeah! Wasn’t she uh… (Does the international sign for big
|
||
boobies.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, that was Dana Caplin.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>The Guys:</b> Ohhhh! (They all look up in a moment of reflection.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Joey! You didn’t even know her!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ah whatever!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: A Restaurant, Chandler is having dinner with Dana.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Great story again! The yarns that you weave! Woo-hoo-hoo!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dana:</b> Y’know uh, actually I-I-I should get going.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh no-no-no! Stay! Stay! Because you-you should you-you-you should
|
||
stay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dana:</b> Wow. Oh, I am really flattered, but I just I don’t feel that way
|
||
about you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh no-no-no, that’s not—No-no-no!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dana:</b> I’m sorry Chandler, y’know you are such a sweet guy and I, I
|
||
don’t want to hurt you. Oh, I wish there was something I can do to make you feel
|
||
better.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No-no—Really?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dana:</b> Of course!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (breaking up) Well, it just hurts so bad. I uh…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dana:</b> Ohh, I’m sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well maybe there is one thing you can do.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dana:</b> What?! Anything! Anything! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now, umm but I
|
||
have this friend. This actor friend and he would kill me if he thought I was doing this
|
||
umm, but umm would it be possible for him to get an audition for your movie say on
|
||
Thursday?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dana:</b> Absolutely! But you-you would really feel better about me rejecting you if
|
||
your actor friend can audition for my movie?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, the heart wants what it wants. I’ll see you later. (He runs
|
||
off and leaves her with the bill, which the waiter promptly delivers.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Hotel Monica, Phoebe is on the bed playing her guitar as Monica enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey! How’s it goin’?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, not much has changed in the last five minutes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes it has! I made cookies!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh that’s all right. I’m still full from your homemade potato
|
||
chips.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> But you should eat them now because they’re hot from the oven.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. (Reaches for one.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (pulling the plate back) Oh-ho! But not in here! Can’t eat ‘em
|
||
in bed, remember? No crumbies!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (gritting her teeth) Okay, I’ll be out in a second.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica leaves and Phoebe closes the door behind her and tries to lock it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (opening the door) What are you doing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That doesn’t lock does it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are eating spaghetti in the living room while
|
||
watching TV and Rachel drops some on the floor.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, Joey! Sorry!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No that’s all right. Don’t worry about it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh but look! That’s gonna leave a stain! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Rach! Hey! It’s fine! You’re at Joey’s!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah! Look! (He throws some of his spaghetti on the floor.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’ve never lived like this before.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel throws some of hers down.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, don’t waste it, I mean its still food. (He picks it up and
|
||
eats it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Elizabeth are deciding what to do on their second date.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What do you want to do now? Huh? You wanna go get a drink?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Uhh, I can’t.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, you have some studying to do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> No, I have some turning 21 to do.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Y’know I remember when uh, when I was in college, we used to…
|
||
(He sees some of his colleagues enter and puts his head on her lap.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> What are you doing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Nothing, I’m-I’m just, I’m so comfortable with you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Do you not want to be seen with me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What? No! Of course, of course I do! Are-are they gone?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Uh no, they’re still here but I think I’m about to leave.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?! No! No! Wait! You’re right, this is stupid. Who cares what
|
||
people think? I mean, I mean we like each other right? There’s nothing wrong with
|
||
that. Come on. (They get up and go over to the table where his colleagues are sitting.)
|
||
Burt? Lydia? Mel? This is Elizabeth.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Lydia:</b> Aren’t you in my Popular Culture class?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s right Lydia, Elizabeth here is a student and uh, we’re
|
||
dating. And you may frown upon that, but we’re not gonna hide it anymore.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mel:</b> You are <b>so</b> fired.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Burt:</b> They’re gonna fire you! You can’t date a student! It’s
|
||
against the rules.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Really? Its not just frowned upon?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Rachel are throwing huge spitballs at the
|
||
entertainment center.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I love it at Joey’s!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, here you go. (Hands her another one.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering, sees Rachel’s throw) Ni-hi-ice! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thanks!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (To Joey) So, you busy Thursday?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, very funny. I don’t know if you remember, but my audition was
|
||
supposed to be Thursday. (Chandler doesn’t say anything until Joey figures it out.)
|
||
You got me the audition?! Let’s hug it up! (They hug.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay. Okay. (Joey puts him down.) What are you gonna do to me if you
|
||
get the part?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering) Hey! Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (To Rachel) Listen umm, yeah okay, I need to talk to you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh-huh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Now I know that they said that the umm, the hair straightener started
|
||
the fire but I think I’m partly at fault. You see, I didn’t, I didn’t tell
|
||
you but umm, but I-I had recently refilled the tissues and so y’know let’s just
|
||
face it, that’s just kindling! So I think it’s better that I stay at
|
||
Joey’s.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, no-no-no. Phoebe, this was my fault and besides y’know what?
|
||
I’m fine here.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. Oh umm, Chandler, Monica is looking for you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah she said something about crumbies.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No! No! No! I was so careful! (Runs out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (To Rachel) Okay, you have to switch with me! Monica is driving me
|
||
crazy!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> That’s right, all the ladies want to stay at Joey’s.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No! No! Phoebe, come on! I don’t want to switch! Please come on! I
|
||
can throw wet paper towels here!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No but at Monica’s you can eat cookies over the sink!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know. I’m sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right fine! This looks like so much fun. (Examining the bowl of wet
|
||
paper towels.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> God, what a mess. (She grabs the bowl and heads for Monica’s.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is looking at his handbook. Elizabeth is also there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Wow! It actually is in the handbook. I can’t date you or have a hot
|
||
plate in my office. I can’t believe we have to stop seeing each other.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> For what it’s worth I did appreciate you standing up for me. It
|
||
felt really nice. It kinda made me like you even more.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I know, I know I really like you too. But we-we can’t date. It’s
|
||
against the rules. It’s forbidden.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Wow!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Just hearing you describe it as forbidden, it’s really hot.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well I-I-I don’t care how hot it is it’s-it’s uh, it’s
|
||
wrong.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Stop it! (She starts to get all worked up.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (feeling it too) No! No! It’s wrong! It’s-it’s-it’s
|
||
naughty. It’s taboo.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Shut the book!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They frantically start making out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Let’s also get a hot plate!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They start making out again.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey is eating pizza as Chandler enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> It’s Thursday! How was the audition?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Wh? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when huh what?
|
||
Thurs—(He gasps in horror.) Oh! (Runs out and Chandler just shakes his head. After a
|
||
second Joey runs back in to grab a piece of pizza and runs back out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |