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<title>The One With All The Rugby</title>
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<h1 align="center">The One With All The Rugby</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Teleplay by: Wil Calhoun<br>
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Story by: Andrew Reich and Ted Cohen<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: A beauty parlour, Rachel is getting a manicure while Chandler, yes Chandler, is
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getting a petticure (Does that scare you that I know those terms? Well, it scares
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me.).]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know, I can't believe I'm getting my nails done! And <strong>you</strong>
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said it was gonna be fun! (pause) Which it kinda is. Also, you said there would be
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other guys here. There are no other guys here!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Chandler, there’s a guy right over there. (Points to the counter)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> That’s a mailman! That’s <b>our</b> mailman! (Waves to the
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mailman) (Sarcastic) Hi. How are ya?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Chandler, don’t worry! This doesn’t make you any less of a
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guy! (Chandler starts blowing on his fingernails like women do.) <b>That</b> does!
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(Chandler stops blowing.) What am I sitting on? (She looks and finds a huge nail.) I <b>hate</b>
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to think what this woman was scratching when this broke off.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, you know who used to have nails like that?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hmm.</p>
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<p><strong>Woman: </strong>OH…MY…GAWD!! (Yep, you guessed it. It’s Janice.)</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Joey are standing at
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the counter. Monica is flipping a light switch on and off next to the door.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Joey let me ask you a question. <b>What</b> does this light switch do?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ohh, Nothing.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Didn’t it drive you crazy to have a switch and not know what it
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did?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I <b>know</b> what it did! Nothing.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> They wouldn’t have put it there if it didn’t do something! How
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can you not care?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Like this. (Shrugs)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, here’s another question for ya. Uhh, do you know what that
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silver knob on the toilet does?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Sure! It flushes it.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, good. Now that since you know, when you come over would you mind
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actually using it?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering, with Janice in tow) Hello!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey! (Sees Janice.) Ah!! (Janice screams in surprise.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Guess who we ran into today?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Janice?!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Isn’t this amazing? </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> How have you been?</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Oh well, I’m divorced.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ohhh, wow.</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Yeah, I’m riding the alimony pony. (Does the now famous laugh.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> And there it is.</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> I just came up to say, "Hi!" Hi! (to Chandler) And you,
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sweetie, I’ll see you tonight.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay. Bye.</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Bye.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Bye.</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Bye.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Bye.</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Bye.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> B-bye!</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Bye-bye.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Bye. (Finally closes the door on her.) (After it’s closed) I
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can’t stand the woman! (Phoebe is shocked, Joey is relieved.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?! I thought you were crazy about her!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I know, but all of those little annoying things she did before
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we fell in love? Like her voice, her laugh, her personality—Well, they’re all
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back! Y’know? And she’s picked up like nine new ones!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> So what are you doing bringing her here?! There’s people here!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Don’t worry about it. I’m taking care of it tonight.
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(Chandler opens the fridge and grabs something to drink.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You are not. You have <b>never</b> been able to break up with her.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (standing in the door of the fridge) Well, I don’t have to break
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up with her this time. We’re not involved! I’m going to do a pre-emptive strike!
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I’m going to end it with her before it starts. My ass is like frozen! (Closes the
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fridge.) </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, try sticking it in the freezer for 20 minutes. (They all look around
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and then back at Joey.) I’m tellin’ ya!</p>
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<p>[Scene: A street, Ross and Emily are walking home from a date.]</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> I can’t believe you really walk alone here! I mean, you hear such
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stories about New York.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No, it’s really not that bad. I mean, I-I for one, feel perfectly
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safe.</p>
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<p>(At that moment two very large men start screaming and running towards Emily and
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picking her up.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Help! Help!! Help! Help!!</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> No, no, no Ross! Ross, these are friends of mine from home. (Introducing
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them) Liam, Devon, this is Ross.</p>
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<p><b>Devon:</b> Hey, mate.</p>
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<p><b>Liam:</b> How are ya man?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh hey, that was a good one, huh? (Imitating himself) Help! Help!</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> So how are you? I’ve been meaning to ring you ever since I arrived
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but umm, well, I’ve been rather busy.</p>
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<p><b>Devon:</b> Do you realise that we have not seen each other since the night of that
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U2 concert?</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> Oh my God. I think you’re right.</p>
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<p><b>Liam:</b> (puts his arm around her) Well, actually the last time you and I saw each
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other was that morning.</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> Oh, Liam. (Ross laughs and takes her back.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, Liam. So uh, what, were you guys playing soccer or something—or
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should I call it (In an English accent) football?</p>
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<p><b>Devon:</b> We were playing rugby.</p>
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<p><b>Liam:</b> In fact we’re playing a game at the park tomorrow. You’re
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welcome to play too if you want.</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> (laughs) Ross play rugby? I don’t think so.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What’s ah, what’s so funny about that?</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> Well I mean, you’re American to start with. You don’t even have
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rugby here.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, we didn’t have <b>freedom</b> here until 1776, either so…</p>
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<p><b>Devon:</b> So good then! We’ll see you at Riverside Park at 2:00! Cheers!</p>
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<p><b>Liam:</b> Cheers!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Cheers!</p>
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<p>(Liam and Devon both take a swig of their beers, while Ross takes a swig of his coffee.
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The Brits both crush their cans, and not to be out done, Ross crushes his coffee cup,
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spilling its contents.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is attempting his pre-emptive strike.]</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Oh boy, I just love to sing!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, I-I know that you do, but I think one of the reasons people were
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complaining though, was that they paid to hear the <b>actor</b> sing <i>Old Man River</i>.</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Oh, look at us! Who would’ve thought that Cupid had a station at
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14th Street Nails. (Does the laugh)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (laughs) Okay, we have to talk. I’m just getting out of a very
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serious relationship…</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> I know! And I’m just getting out of a marriage, I mean talk about
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meant to be!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Right! I just think that this is happening too soon.</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Oh, too soon, too schmoon. Face it honey, I am not letting you get away
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this time.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I hear ya. (Pause) But! Unfortunately, my company is transferring me
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overseas!</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Oh no! Where to? (Gasps) Too Paris?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No! No! Not, Paris. </p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b>Too London? No-no, Rome? Vienna? Ooh-ooh, Barcelona?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, could you just stop talking for a second? (Thinks) Yemen.
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That’s right, yes, I’m being transferred to Yemen!</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> When?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don’t know exactly.</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Ugh, well I will just have to soak up every once of Chandler Bing until
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that moment comes.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> But I do know that it’s some time tomorrow.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Monica are plugging in
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a bunch of electronics.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Done?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yep!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering, with Joey) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey! What’s up?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> This switch thing has been driving me crazy. So I turned it off and
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checked every outlet. Now, four of them don’t work. Which means, one of <b>them</b>
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has to be controlled by the switch. So, I plugged in things in all four of the outlets
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that-that make noise, so that way, when I turn it on I just follow the noise and find out
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which one it is.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (to Rachel) I bet I stopped listening before you did.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Y’know, you-you also could’ve used uh, <b>lamps</b> and then
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followed the light.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, well, I’m using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody
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ready? Here we go. (She flips on the switch and a hum starts.) I hear something! I hear
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something! Where is it? (They all start looking until Rachel realises it’s Joey.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> It’s coming from Joey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God, that’s so freaky! Turn him off!!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are
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watching rugby on TV as Phoebe enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, hey, could we put on the news? I think it might be raining.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, just hold on a second. I’m watching this rugby thing on <i>ESPN</i>.
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I don’t know what the big deal is. I’m man enough to play this sport.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Dude, you’re not even man enough to order the <b>channel</b> that
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carries the sport.</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> (entering) Hey there Ross!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (shocked) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (whispering to Ross) Janice.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y’know uh, you didn’t really have to help me pack.</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Ohh, well when you said all you were going to be doing between now and
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the time you leave is packing, you didn’t really leave me much choice. Did you?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I-I thought I did but, I-I guess I did <b>not</b>!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey-hey, what’s going on?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, I’m packing. Y’know I’m-I’m packing
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‘cause I’m moving to Yemen tomorrow.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Thanks for telling me!</p>
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<p>(Janice runs into the bedroom.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I’m only going to pretend I’m moving to Yemen, it’s the
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only way I can get rid off her.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ohhhh, good one! And Yemen that actually sounds like a real country.</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> (leaning in from the bedroom) Chandler! Come on, I’m gonna show how
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to roll up your underwear and stuff it in your shoes. It’s a real space saver.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, I know, I do that ‘cause it makes me look taller.</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Okay, Chandler, come on!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Janice) Okay. (to Joey) Joey, trade lives with me!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Nope. (To Ross) Man look at this! Ross, I can’t believe you said
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you’d play rugby. I mean look how brutal this is!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, I can handle it! All right?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Please, Ross, you-you got hurt playing badminton with my dad.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s ‘cause-‘cause you’re mom’s dog kept-kept
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looking at me.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (pointing to the TV) Okay, Ross, look-look-look-look, look right here.
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That’s called a scrum, okay? It’s kinda like a huddle.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> And is a hum, kinda like a scruddle?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ross! (Laughs) They’re gonna kill you!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, why are you doing this anyway?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, you should’ve seen the guy that she used to go out with. I
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mean, he’s like Joe Rugby.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You’re kidding! And he plays rugby?! That’s so funny.
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(Realises) Ohh! I see how you did that. All right.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Anyway, she thought the very <b>idea</b> of me playing rugby with him was
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like hilarious. So I’m gonna show her how tough I really am!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (starts laughing, Ross stares at her) I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
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You’re right, you are a tough guy. You’re the toughest palaeontologist I know.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, come on look, Ross can take care of himself! It’s not like
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he’s…Chandler!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (from his bedroom) Thanks!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Look, don’t worry about me. Okay? I’ll just stay real energetic
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and stay away from the ball. I’ll uh, I’ll be that guy right out of the circle.
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(He points to a player who starts running and then gets viscously tackled from behind.)</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Oh!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, well maybe there was a dog lookin’ at him.</p>
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<p>(Ross turns and wants to attack Rachel, but Joey stops him.)</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: The park, everyone is warming up for the rugby game. Only Joey and Phoebe came
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to support Ross.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ross-Ross-Ross-Ross! Stay away from that guy (Points), and that guy
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(Points). And that one—Dude! They’re all huge!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> They don’t look any bigger than me!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, maybe that’s because you’re closer to you. So you look
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bigger to you from where you are.</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> I’m just going to say hi to the lads. All right?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> All right.</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> Okay. (Goes to say hi to the lads.) </p>
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<p>(A player comes over and picks up a ball in front of Phoebe.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (to the player) Hi.</p>
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<p>(The player stands up and smiles. Showing that he has no front teeth.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Whoa! (The player leaves and to Joey) I kinda liked it.</p>
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<p>(The referee blows the whistle and the players gather to start the game.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, I know what I have to do. I’ve got to go Red Ross. (Joey and
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Phoebe don’t know what he’s talking about.) Y’know, Red Ross!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I totally don’t know what you’re talking about.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Come on! The time we were all waiting in line for <i>Dances With Wolves </i>and
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that one guy cut in line in front of us and I just lost it?! Screamed at him! Turned all
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red! Red Ross!!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> You’ll see.</p>
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<p>[Cut to Emily, Devon, and Liam]</p>
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||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> Liam, do me a favour. Tell the lads to go easy on Ross, it’s his
|
||
first time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Liam:</b> You don’t say! (We see Ross who is hopping about with the ball and
|
||
spikes it in his face.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> (to Ross) Good luck, babe.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The scrum forms and the game is underway.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Liam:</b> Ross! Ross! Come on! Get in here! (Ross gets pumped up.) Ross! Come on!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross walks over to the scrum, walks around a bit looking for a way to get into the
|
||
scrum.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Liam:</b> Ross, come on! Get in the bloody scrum! Ross, get in!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross, urged on by his team-mates, jumps on top of the scrum and falls headfirst into
|
||
the middle, leaving his feet sticking straight up.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> JOEY!!!!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel’s, Monica is going over some
|
||
plans as Rachel enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You…are…not going to believe it! Joshua came into work today,
|
||
and guess what happened?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> He asked you out?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No. But I was showing him some cufflinks and I felt his pulse.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Saucy!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (refers to the table) What are these?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Electrical plans for the building.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, okay, okay should I be scared?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I know that switch does something, okay? So-so I went down to city hall
|
||
and got these. All I had to do was pay $25 and wait in line for three hours.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wow! If only more people knew.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The airport, the Yemen Express counter, Chandler is still trying to get rid of
|
||
Janice.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y’know you, really didn’t have to take me to the airport.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> Oh please. Every moment is precious. Y’know? Besides, somebody had
|
||
to ride in that other taxi with the rest of your luggage, and your friends don’t
|
||
really seem to care too much that you’re leaving.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, we’re really not that close. (Pause) Okay, so I guess this
|
||
is uh, good-bye then.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> On no! No! It’s not good-bye, I’m not leaving until you get on
|
||
that plane.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay. Then I guess it’s just, wait here then. (Hands her the sign
|
||
that says, Wait Here.") (To the ticket agent) Hi. I need one fake ticket to Yemen.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ticket Counter Attendant:</b> One ticket to Yemen?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh no-no-no, no. No, no, no, I just, I just need a pretend ticket.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ticket Counter Attendant:</b> I’m sorry sir, I don’t understand. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What would you give to a kid if he wanted a ticket to play with?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ticket Counter Attendant:</b> Are you travelling with a child?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No. All right, y’know what, she’s (Points to Janice) gonna
|
||
think that I’m handing you a credit card, but what I’m really gonna do is hand
|
||
you a library card.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ticket Counter Attendant:</b> Ah, sir a ticket to Yemen is $2,100 and we don’t
|
||
take library cards.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> What’s the matter? Is something wrong? Do you have to stay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to the ticket agent) <i>American Express</i>?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The rugby game, Ross is getting killed.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> I can’t believe they’re doing that to him! I told them to go
|
||
easy on him!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No offence but, y’know sometimes it’s hard to understand you,
|
||
y’know with the accent, so…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The whistle blows.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> That’s just halftime, there’s more of this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross limps over all covered in mud.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Did you see me? I was pretty good, huh? That is one fun game!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> Right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Emily) Hey, could you do me a favour? Could you just grab me a bottle
|
||
of water? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Thanks. (When she’s gone he collapses into Joey.) I-I think I’m
|
||
dying. I really do. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, poor baby.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Phoebe) Tell my son that I love him. (Emily returns with the water.)
|
||
Excellent! Well, okay, I gotta have some more fun!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> Ross, they are killing you out there!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (whines "No.") That’s not true!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> She’s right! You have to stop!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What? No! No, I’m not stopping. I’m Red Ross!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Dude, if you go back out there, you’re gonna be Dead Ross!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I don’t care! I am not quitting! I insist on finishing this game!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> All right, all right, if you insist on doing this, at least let me help
|
||
you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No, God no! That is no place for a woman. Those guys will grab anything.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> No. That’s not what I’m saying. I just may know a few things
|
||
that might help you inflict some pain.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I like that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> Yeah? Listen closely, Devon has got a weak ankle. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Huh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> One swift kick and he’ll back off.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> All right, bad ankle, got it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> And that big bloke with the beard, he has got a trick hip. Yeah. And uh,
|
||
and David over there, I heard he doesn’t wear a cup.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah? I can use that, trick hip, no cup, okay! Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> And uh, Liam, Liam’s got bad knees. You hit him right and he’ll
|
||
go down like a lamp.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> But-but, Liam’s on my team.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> I don’t care! You just get him!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m gonna go get him! Okay, I am going back in! (Squeals like a
|
||
madman.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> The Red Ross! Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel’s, Monica is reading a book as
|
||
Rachel returns.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (noticing a bunch of pictures around the door that weren’t there
|
||
originally.) What-what are-what are these?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, just some pictures I made and hung up. I thought they’d
|
||
brighten up the place. They do don’t you think?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel rips one of the wall and finds a huge hole underneath.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No-no-no, no!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel rips off another one, revealing another hole. Rachel then moves onto a third
|
||
one, but this one doesn’t have a hole underneath it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I know that there’s no hole there, I just really liked that
|
||
picture.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel looks at it and then throws it away. She then removes a fourth one, revealing a
|
||
third hole.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God! Look at this!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, but there <b>is</b> a wire back there! I mean that switch is
|
||
connected to something!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don’t care! The wires have come loose in your head!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I just thought that if I could follow the wire I could find out what it
|
||
did.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> And did you?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No. It disappears back there behind that baseboard. For a minute there,
|
||
I thought it went downstairs.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel removes a paper on the floor which is covering a hole and gasps.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> But it didn’t. Say hello to Mrs. Chatracus.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Chatracus:</b> Hello darling.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hello, Mrs. Chatracus.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, They are returning from the rugby game, Joey and Emily are
|
||
carrying Ross.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Now, are you sure you don’t want to go see a doctor?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh no! That-that’ll just bring me down! This was great! I mean I-I-I
|
||
was great! This is a great day! Y’know what? I’m buying everyone coffee. All
|
||
right? If someone would just grab my wallet, it’s in my pocket. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, sure.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No, not you. (Emily gets it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Uhh, look, your eye’s still popping out a little, I’m gonna go
|
||
get some ice.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, ice! I am so in the mood for ice! (They go and get the coffee and
|
||
the ice leaving Ross and Emily alone.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> You were amazing out there.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, I kinda was, wasn’t I?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I made a man twice my size cry. I mean, I haven’t done that since I
|
||
was four and I washed my dad’s Porsche with rocks.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> You really enjoyed yourself didn’t you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Please! Are you kidding? I-I hurt three huge men, I gave a guy a bloody
|
||
nose—I mean I-I’m not proud of it but, I really am. And it’s all because of
|
||
you, wonderful, amazing you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> I think you’ve got concussion.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No, no, I’m serious. Thank you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> You’re welcome. (She hugs him tightly and he winces.) I’m
|
||
sorry. Did I hurt you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> It’s worth the pain. (She goes to hug him again.) Y’know what,
|
||
you know what? It’s not.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The airport, the flight to Yemen is being called.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ticket Counter Attendant:</b> (on the P.A.) This is the final boarding call for
|
||
Flight 664 to Yemen.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I-I guess I gotta go.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> Oh, my Bing-a-ling. I’ll wait for you. Do you even know how long
|
||
you’re going to be gone?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, just until we find an energy source to replace fuel.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> Oh. Well, I’ll right you everyday. (Reading the address) 15 Yemen
|
||
Road, Yemen.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, good-bye. Good-bye. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He gives the agent his ticket and walks onto the jetway. Janice walks over and looks
|
||
out the window. Chandler walks back into the terminal and tries to walk right past Janice,
|
||
but she sees him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> Chandler?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> Chandler! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Janice! There you are! There you are! I had to have one last kiss, and
|
||
also-also you said that you were going to leave right after I got on the plane!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> No! No! I wanna see you take-off.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I then guess I’m going to Yemen! I’m going to Yemen!
|
||
(To this old woman also going to Yemen.) When we get to Yemen, can I stay with you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel’s, Monica has finally given up
|
||
on her search to find what the light switch does and is now flicking it on and off
|
||
aimlessly.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right. The super couldn’t figure out what it did. A $200 an
|
||
hour electrician couldn’t figure out what it did. I’ve had seven pretty serious
|
||
shocks. I officially give up.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thank God.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I guess Joey was right, it does nothing.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Chandler and Joey’s, Joey and Phoebe are watching TV. The TV is turning
|
||
off and on, and each time Phoebe is blinking her eyes like the Genie did. The switch
|
||
obviously controls the outlet which the TV is plugged into.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> See? I’m doing it. I am totally doing it. (Suddenly it stops
|
||
working.) I lost it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |