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<!-- saved from url=(0054)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season7/723camw.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With Chandler and Monica’s Wedding</title>
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<meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 4.0">
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With Chandler and Monica’s Wedding</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Part I Written by: Greg Malins<br>
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Part II Written by: David Crane & Marta Kauffman<br>
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Parts I & II Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Do you realize this is probably the last time we’ll all be here in
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the coffee house as six single people?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Why?! What’s happening to the coffee house?! (Monica looks at her.)
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Oh! (Realizes.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yep! From now on its gonna be the four of you guys and me and the
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mrs. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Old?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> The young hot ball and chain.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> That’s much better.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (checking her watch) Op! We gotta go! (The girls stand up.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, where are you guys going?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> We’re gonna pick up the wedding dress, then we’re gonna have
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lunch with mom. (Joey stands up.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Ah. Joey, you’re-you’re having lunch with my mom?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No, I-I just heard lunch. But yeah, I can go. Sure! (They all exit.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (To Chandler) Y’know what? Actually I’m kinda glad they’re
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leaving ‘cause uh, I need to talk to you about something.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What’s up?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well this uh, this may be a little awkward.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Listen, if you want to borrow money, its kind of a bad time. I’m
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buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No, its…Its not that. Umm, now what I’m going to say to you,
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I’m <b>not</b> saying as your friend. Okay? I’m-I’m saying as it as
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Monica’s older brother.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> But you’re still my friend?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Not for the next few minutes.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> During this time…are you, are you still my best man?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Nope.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Do I still call you Ross?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldn’t be
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more thrilled for both of you, but as Monica’s older brother I-I have to tell you
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this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any
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kind, I will hunt you down and kick your ass! (Chandler laughs.) What?
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I’m-I’m-I’m serious! (Chandler laughs harder.) Come—Hey! Dude! Stop
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it! Okay? I’m-I’m not kidding here!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (smiling) Hey, I hear what your saying, okay? And, thanks for the
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warning.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No problem.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> So are we…friends again?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay. (Pause) You won’t <b>believe</b> what Monica’s older
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brother just said to me!</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the girls are having breakfast.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What‘cha doing Mon?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I’m making a list of all the things that are most likely to go
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wrong at the wedding. Now, that way I can be prepared.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What are they?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, so far I have uh, my bridesmaids' dresses won’t get
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picked up, my veil gets lost, or I don’t have my something blue.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey! Those are all the things I’m responsible for!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I had to go with the odds Rach.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey! You guys! Remember that audition I had a while ago and
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didn’t get the part?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> The commercial?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That play?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> That other play?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Nooo!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> The movie?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yes!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ohh!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yes, that’s the one about the soldiers who fight in World War I!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, yeah! Back then y’know, we called it the Great War. It really was!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well anyway, the guy they wanted backed out and now they want me! I start
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shooting today!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Congratulations!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh that’s great!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Wait! Wait! Wait! You can’t start today! Today’s the rehearsal
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dinner!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh no, I’ll be done by then.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh. Well then way to go, you big movie star!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I know! All right, I’ll see you guys over there! I’m off to
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fight the Nazis.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, wait Joey! We fought the Nazis in World War II, not World War I.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Whoa! Okay. Yeah well, who-who was in World War I? (Rachel pauses as she
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thinks.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Go ahead.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You’re gonna be late! Go! Go! (He runs out.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Who did we fight in World War I?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Mexico?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes! Very good.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Pier 59 Studios, Joey is in costume and standing at the craft services table.
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He checks his pockets and finds some prop coins in a pouch, which he replaces with some
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cookies.] </p>
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<p><b>The Assistant Director:</b> (approaching) Hey Joey! We’re ready.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah! Me too. (He pats his pocket.)</p>
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<p><b>The Assistant Director:</b> (to another actor) Richard? We’re ready for you.
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(Richard approaches.) Joey Tribbiani? This is Richard Crosby, he’s playing Vincent.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I’m doing my scenes with you?</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> Nice to meet you Joey.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Wow! I can’t believe this! This is incredible. I mean you just won an
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Oscar!</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> No I didn’t.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I think you did.</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> I think I lost. Three times.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh…Cookie?</p>
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<p><b>The Director:</b> (approaching) Okay! We’re about an hour away from getting the
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scene lit. So uh, if you guys don’t mind, can we run it a couple of times?</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> Yeah, sure.</p>
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<p><b>The Director:</b> Okay, all right. Let’s do it. (He walks off.)
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And…Action!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> We have to find the rest of the platoon!</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> Forget the platoon! The platoon is gone! (He is spitting on the hard Ps
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and Ts.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (wiping his face) What?!</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> (still spitting) The platoon is dead! Face facts Tony!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (wipes face) So what are we gonna do?! We have no reinforcements! No-no
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food!</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> No, we still have food in the basement! I saw potatoes and some dry
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pasta!</p>
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<p>(Joey wipes his eye.)</p>
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<p><b>The Director:</b> Hang on a minute! Joey, you keep touching your face. Is something
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wrong?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (glances at Richard) No. Nope, I uh…I th—I thought it might be
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kind of a cool character thing. Y’know? He’s uh, he’s a face toucher.
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(Behind his back, Richard is nodding no.)</p>
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<p><b>The Director:</b> I don’t think so. Let’s take it back to Richard’s
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last line. (Walks off.) Action!</p>
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<p><b>Richard:</b> We may not have any weapons, but we still have food. In the basement I
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saw potatoes and some dry pasta, and a few tins of tuna! (Joey backs away and wipes his
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face again.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is standing in the kitchen ready to leave for the
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rehearsal dinner.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Honey, we gotta go!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering from the bedroom) Okay. Here’s a question you never
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have to ask. My dad just called and wanted to know if he could borrow one of your pearl
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necklaces.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (laughs) I don’t have anything like that, but let me go see if
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Rachel does.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, include more people in this.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey, do you realize that at this time tomorrow we’ll be getting
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married?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Wait a minute! I have a <b>date</b> tomorrow night.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I just, I can’t believe that we made it!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well you don’t have to sound so surprised.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I’m sorry but…nothing.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well…honestly ever since we got engaged I have been waiting for
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something to.. to flip you out.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Honestly? Me too.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Really?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah. Y’know I keep thinking that something stupid is gonna come
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up and I’ll go all…Chandler. But nothing has.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Ohh, I’m so glad. Thank you so much for staying so calm during
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this. I mean it’s really, it’s made me stay calm. (Chandler just looks at her.)
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I coulda been worse!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay. I’ll be right there.</p>
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<p>(She exits and as Chandler picks up his coat, the phone rings and the answering machine
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gets it.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (voice on answering machine) Hi! If you’re calling before Saturday,
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you’ve reached Monica and Chandler. But if you’re calling after Saturday,
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you’ve reached Mr. and Mrs. Bing! Please leave a message for the Bings!</p>
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<p>(Chandler freaks out and loosens his tie.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: The Rehearsal Dinner, Chandler and Monica are greeting guests as they arrive. A
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woman enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey Maureen! (They hug.) Gosh! Hey uh, Chandler? This is my cousin
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Maureen.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> We’re the Bings.</p>
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<p>(Phoebe and Rachel walk up.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi! Oh you guys look so beautiful!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Mr. and Mrs. Bing! (Walks away.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (walks up) Wow Monica! Hey, just so you know I had my uh, older brother
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chat with Chandler.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What is that?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well I…I told him that if he ever hurt you I would hunt him down and
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kick his ass! (The girls all laugh.) What?! What?! What is the matter with everybody?! I
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am serious! I would kick his ass! (The laugh harder.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ross, please! My make-up! (He walks away angrily.)</p>
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<p>(Chandler’s Mom enters and Chandler meets her by the door.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Bing:</b> Chandler!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Mom. Thanks for wearing something. (They hug.) (She’s wearing a
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tight dress with a lot of cleavage showing.)</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Bing:</b> Oh honey! This is so exciting! I thought we screwed you up so bad
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this day would never come. Oh and just think. Soon there’ll be lots of little Bings.
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(He freaks out and loosens the tie again.) </p>
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<p>(Monica and her parents walk up.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Mrs. Bing? Here, these are my parents umm, Judy and Jack Geller.</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> (shaking her hand) It’s lovely to meet you.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> (shaking her hand) So are you his mother or his father?</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> Jack!</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> What?! I’ve never seen one before!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Dad! There’s Ross (points), why don’t you go talk to him?</p>
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<p>(Mr. and Mrs. Geller start to walk away.)</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> I didn’t even have a chance to act as though I’m okay with
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it!</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Bing:</b> (entering) Hello all!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi…dad.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hi Mr.…Bing.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Bing:</b> Nora!</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Bing:</b> Charles.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> It-it’s so great to see you both here.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Bing:</b> Yes! Although, I think we may be seeing a little too much of some
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people. Aren’t you a little old to be wearing a dress like that?</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Bing:</b> Don’t you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress
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like that?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh my God! (He and Monica walk away.)</p>
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<p>[Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Geller talking to Ross.]</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> …of course you can kick his ass son.</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> You could kick anyone’s ass you want to.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Thanks you guys. (Walks away happily and his parents smile.)</p>
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<p>[Cut to Monica.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, Rach! Rach! Umm hey, could you do me a favor and would you
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talk to
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Chandler’s dad and try to keep him away from Chandler’s mom?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah! But I don’t know what he looks like!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> He is the man in the black dress.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Man in the black dress… (Monica walks away and Rachel looks around
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to find a woman in a black dress.) (To her) Hi! I’m Rachel! I’m a friend of
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Monica and Chandler’s!</p>
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<p><b>Woman:</b> I’m Amanda.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh I get it! A…man…duh!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (clinking a wine glass) Can I have everyone’s attention please?
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I’m uh; I’m Ross Geller.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> <b>Doctor</b> Ross Geller.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Dad…dad, please! As I was saying umm, I’m Dr. Ross Geller. Uhh,
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and I’m the best man. And uh, this marriage is doubly special for me umm, because not
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only is the groom my best friend but uh, the bride is my little sister. And, she’s
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the greatest sister a guy could ask for. So if you’d all please join me in raising a
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glass to the, the couple we’re here to celebrate. (Everyone does so.) To the Bings.</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> To the Bings!</p>
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<p>(Everyone clinks glasses and Chandler freaks out again.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are in the kitchen.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, I’m gonna go steam my wedding dress okay? Who wants the
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responsibility of making sure nothing happens to it?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’ll do it.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Who wants it? Anybody?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I said I’ll do it!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Nobody wants to do it? All right, I’ll do it myself.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Monica! I’m not gonna screw it up!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Y’know what? You’re right, I’m sorry. Actually you were a
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big help tonight. Yeah, and thanks for putting my grandmother in the cab and making sure
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she got to the hotel safely.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well of course that is what I’m here for!</p>
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|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay. Sorry. (Monica goes into the bathroom.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ugh! (To Phoebe) What grandmother?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is wearing sunglasses and as he exits his bedroom, Ross
|
||
enters the apartment.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey! Where have you been?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, taking my parents back to the hotel.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What? Are you going back to work?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Nice shades.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Thanks. Yeah, I figure if I wear these in my scenes at least I won’t
|
||
get spit in the eyes, y’know?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> And if I remember correctly, <i>Ray Ban</i> was the official sponsor of
|
||
World War I!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Great! All right. I’ll see you later. (He starts to leave.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, where’s Chandler?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh, I think he’s in Rachel’s room. See ya. (Exits.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (going up to Rachel’s closed door) Chandler? (He opens the door and
|
||
looks inside and doesn’t see him.) Chandler? (He checks the bathroom and still
|
||
doesn’t find him. He then finds a note on the counter. He picks it up and reads it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe and Rachel are in the kitchen as there is a knock
|
||
on the door. Rachel answers it.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Is uh, is Monica here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> She’s steaming her dress, why? What’s up?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I think Chandler’s gone. (He hands her the note.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> He left that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (reading the note) Tell Monica I’m sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (walking up) What’s up? (Rachel hands her the note and she reads
|
||
it.) Tell Monica I’m sorry. (Pause) Tell her yourself!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Hallway, Ross, Phoebe, and Rachel are discussing the note.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God! Chandler just left though!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah but, maybe it’s not what we think. Maybe it’s tell Monica
|
||
I’m sorry I…drank the last of the milk.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Or maybe he-he was writing to tell her that-that he’s changed his
|
||
name, y’know? Tell Monica I’m sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I think it means he freaked out and left!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Don’t be so negative! Good God! Isn’t it possible that Sorry
|
||
is sitting in there (Joey and Rachel’s apartment) right now?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. Phoebe, I-I think Ross is right. What are we gonna do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Look—Okay, I’m just gonna—I’m gonna have to go find
|
||
him and bring him back! Okay? You-you make sure Monica does not find out, okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (pointing at Ross) Okay <b>but</b> if you don’t find him and bring
|
||
him back, I am gonna hunt <b>you</b> down and kick <b>your</b> ass!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross laughs and Phoebe points harder.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (scared) I will, I will find him.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is getting his make-up touched up as Richard approaches.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Hey Joey, could you uh, go through these lines with me? (He’s
|
||
holding a script.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh man! They-they just redid my make-up!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Just the last two pages.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Alright.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They go onto the set.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> I found the picture! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He’s still spitting and Joey holds his script in front of his face.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Picture? What picture?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Could you uh, could you lower your script? I need to see your face so I
|
||
can uh, play off your reaction.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay uh, look I know you’re a great actor, okay? And you play all
|
||
those Shakespeare guys and stuff…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Oh, thanks.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> But you’re spittin’ all over me man!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Well of course I am!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You <b>know</b> you’ve been spitting on me?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> That’s what real actors do! Annunciation is the mark of a good
|
||
actor! And when you enunciate, you spit! (Spits on the t) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (wiping face) Wow! Didn’t know that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Great!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Thanks! Okay-okay check it out! (Reading from the script) Picture? What
|
||
picture? (He pauses then spits) Eh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Gunther is behind the counter as Ross enters looking for
|
||
Chandler.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Gunther have you uh, have you seen Chandler?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gunther:</b> No. No, I haven’t seen him.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh damn!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gunther:</b> He’s getting married tomorrow, right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes. Yes. Don’t worry. Everything’s fine. We’ll uh,
|
||
we’ll see you tomorrow at the wedding.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gunther:</b> I wasn’t invited.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well then, we’ll-we’ll see you the day after tomorrow. (Walks
|
||
away slowly, but notices something.) Mom?! Dad?! (They’re sitting by the window.)
|
||
What-what…what you guys doing here?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Well, you kids talk about this place so much, we thought we’d
|
||
see what all the fuss is about.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> I certainly see why the girls like coming here.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Why?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> The sexy blonde behind the counter. (She waves at Gunther who waves
|
||
back.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (shocked) Gunther?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Your mother just added him to her list.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What? Your-your list?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> Yeah, the list that—of people we’re allowed to
|
||
sleep…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes! No-no! I know, I know what the list is! Mom! Look if you see
|
||
Chandler, could you just let him know I’m looking for him?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> And if you see Rita Moreno, let her know I’m looking for her.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross points at him and exits.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Movie Set, Richard and Joey are doing a scene.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Director:</b> Action!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> I found the picture!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What picture?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> The picture of my wife! In your pack!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You went through my personal property?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Why do have a picture of Paulette in your pack?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (pause) Because Vincent, we were lovers. (Pause) For two years!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Director:</b> Cut! Wonderful!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey and Richard both wipe their faces and are given towels.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Great scene yeah?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Oh you’re awesome! And, in that last speech? You soaked me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Thanks a lot.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Assistant Director:</b> (To Joey) Here’s your call sheet for tomorrow.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, I’m-I’m not working tomorrow.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Assistant Director:</b> You are now.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No! No! I can’t! You gotta get me out of it! I’ve got plans!
|
||
(Spits.) Important plans! (Spits on the Ps.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The AD walks away wiping his face.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the next morning, Rachel and Phoebe are eating
|
||
breakfast.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (closing the door) Ross said there’s still no word from Chandler.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh man.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh but he did say that they found the grandmother wandering down fifth
|
||
avenue.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. Well there’s one down.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering from her room, excitedly) I’m getting married today!!!
|
||
(She trips and falls.) (Getting up) I think I just cracked a rib. But I don’t care
|
||
because today’s my wedding day! My day is finally here!! (Runs back into her room.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Y’know she might not even notice he’s gone.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (re-entering) I’m gonna start getting ready! (Goes back into her
|
||
room.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> God! Don’t—We can’t let her start getting ready! This is
|
||
too awful! Oh God, but wait she’ll be in the gown and then he won’t show up and
|
||
then she’s gonna have to take off the gown…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Shhh! Stop it! Stop it Rachel! You can’t do this here! (She drags
|
||
her into the bathroom.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m sorry. I’m sorry. It’s just…It’s just so
|
||
sad!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, but you’ve got to pull yourself together! Monica can’t
|
||
see you like this! Then she’ll know something’s wrong!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know. I know. Oh God. (Looking around) There’s no tissue! Can you
|
||
grab me some toilet paper?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah. (Looks.) Oh, that’s gone too. This <b>is</b> Monica’s
|
||
bathroom right?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No-no! I-I…I found one.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe reaches into the trash can, pulls one out, and hands it to Rachel.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh thank you! (Wiping her nose.) Oh God! (She throws it out.) Can I have
|
||
another one?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (looking into the trash can) Sure. (Reaching into the trash can.) Do you
|
||
need some floss? (Grabs a piece of it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh God I just cannot imagine what is gonna happen if Chandler
|
||
doesn’t show up!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh here’s a whole bunch.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, I mean she’s gonna be at the wedding waiting for him and people
|
||
will be whispering, "Oh that poor girl." Y’know? Then she’ll have to
|
||
come back here and live all alone.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (finding something interesting in the trash can) Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> There was a pregnancy test in the garbage, and it’s positive.
|
||
Monica’s pregnant. (Rachel covers her mouth.) So I guess she won’t be totally
|
||
alone.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s bathroom, the scene is continued from earlier.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I know! Monica’s gonna have a baby! Hey, can this count as her
|
||
something new?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey, do you think this is why Chandler took off?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, she had to have just taken that test because I took out the trash
|
||
last night.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh God, this is turning into the worst wedding day ever! The bride is
|
||
pregnant. The groom is missing. And I’m still holding this. (She throws the test back
|
||
into the trash.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay Phoebe, we cannot tell anyone about this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, okay. Hey, wait. Do you know what kind of birth control she was
|
||
using?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No. Why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Just for the future, this is hardly a commercial for it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Ross is just hanging up the phone as Rachel and Phoebe
|
||
enter.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Anything?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No! I talked to Joey on the set, he hasn’t heard from him. I-I-I
|
||
talked to Chandler’s parents again!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You told them he was missing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No! I made it seem like I was just calling to chat. Pretty sure, they both
|
||
think I’m interested in them.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right, we’ve got to tell her he’s gone. (Starts to leave.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No! Hey! Hey! We can’t!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross, she’s gonna start getting ready soon!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, can’t you at least stall her a little? I’ll-I’ll go
|
||
back to some of the places I went last night.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right, well how much time do you need?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well how much time before she absolutely has to start getting ready?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> One hour.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Give me two.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Then why do you ask?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They all go into the hallway.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, wish me luck.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. I’m going with you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Why?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ross, you’re tired. You’ve been looking all night. And clearly
|
||
you suck at this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right, I’ll see you guys later.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. Wait, do you know how you’re going to stall her?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’ll figure something out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right. Good luck.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thanks.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe and Ross go to look for Chandler and Rachel enters Monica and Chandler’s.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey! Okay, so I thought we’d start with my make up and then do my
|
||
hair.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay uh, but before you do that. I-I, I need you to talk to me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> About what?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Umm… I’m never gonna getting married!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah you will! The right guy is just around the corner! Okay, are we
|
||
done with that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No Monica! I’m serious! Oh, maybe I should just forget about it.
|
||
Become a lesbian or something.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Any woman would be lucky to have ya.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well maybe it would make me feel better if I slept with Joey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (jumping up) Rachel! You okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is reporting for work.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Excuse me, Aaron? (The director turns around.) Hi! Umm, I have a little
|
||
problem with the schedules. Originally, I wasn’t supposed to work today, and I have
|
||
this wedding that I really have to be at. It’s my best friend’s, and I’m
|
||
officiating so I really can’t work past four.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Director:</b> Joey, you gotta stay until the end. We can’t stop filming
|
||
just for you. It’s not like it’s your wedding. (Starts to walk away.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I’m having surgery!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Director:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, I-I just made up the stuff about the wedding because I didn’t
|
||
want you to worry about me. But, I’m having surgery today.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Director:</b> What kind of surgery?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Transplant.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Director:</b> But you’re supposed to work on Monday.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hair transplant.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Director:</b> But you’re not bald.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> It’s not on my head.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Director:</b> Look Joey, there’s nothing I can do. Besides, you’re
|
||
probably gonna be out by four anyway. We’ve just got one short scene. It’s just
|
||
you and Richard, and God knows he’s a pro. You’ll be fine. (Walks away and sees
|
||
Richard entering.) Morning Richard.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey! You’re here! Great! Great! Great! Let’s get going buddy,
|
||
we’ve got a scene to shoot!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> I’m wearing two belts.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Are you drunk?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> No!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yes you are!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> All right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Ross are exiting a pizza place.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> We are never gonna find him! He’s one guy in a huge city!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God! Is that him? (She points at someone.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That is an old, Chinese woman!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> He could be in disguise, y’know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Aw, y’know…Y’know, maybe we’re-we’re just
|
||
approaching this all wrong. If you’re Chandler and-and you wanna hide, where is the
|
||
last place on Earth people would think you’d go?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to an office building.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> So this is your office?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> How did you guys find me? I knew I should’ve hid at the gym!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What the hell are you doing?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Panicking! And using the Internet to try to prove that I’m
|
||
related to Monica. How is she?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> She’s fine. She doesn’t know you’re gone. And she
|
||
doesn’t have to know, okay? Now come on, we’re going home.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No! No! No! I can’t do that!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Why not?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Because if I go home, we’re gonna become the Bings! I can’t
|
||
be the Bings!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What’s wrong with being the Bings?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> The Bings have horrible marriages! They yell. They fight. And they use
|
||
the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Chandler, have you ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to
|
||
your hotel room?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Then you are neither of your parents!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> It’s not just their marriage! I mean, look at yours. Look at
|
||
everybody’s! The only person that can make marriage work is Paul Newman! And
|
||
I’ve met me; I am not Paul Newman. I don’t race cars! I don’t make popcorn!
|
||
None of my proceeds go to charity.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> But look Chandler, right now no-one has a lower opinion of you than I
|
||
do. But I totally believe you can do this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I want to. I love her so much, but I’m afr…It’s too
|
||
huge.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Y’know, okay. You’re right. It is huge. So why don’t we
|
||
take it just a little bit at a time? Okay? Umm, forget getting married for a sec; just
|
||
forget about it. Can you just come home and take a shower?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well yeah, but then…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (interrupting him) Yeah—No-but-but-but-but! We’re just gonna go
|
||
home and take a shower. Now, that’s not scary right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Depends on what you mean by we.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Rachel is still trying to stall Monica.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> The nights are the hardest. (Checks her watch.) But then the day comes!
|
||
And that’s every bit as hard as the night. And then the night comes again…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (interrupting) The days and nights are hard! I get it! Okay? Look umm,
|
||
Rachel I’m sorry! I have to start getting ready! I’m getting married today!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know. At dusk. That’s such a hard time for me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (getting up) I’m gonna go put my make-up on, we have to be at the
|
||
hotel in an hour! (Starts for the bathroom.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. But wait!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Let’s go to lunch.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I can’t go to lunch!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica goes into the bathroom and Rachel thinks quickly.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh good God! I’ve fallen down! (She trips and falls.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering) What’s going on?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. Alright. (Gets up.) Honey listen. When I tell you what I’m
|
||
about to tell you, I need you to remember that we are all here for you and that we love
|
||
you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, you’re-you’re really freaking me out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> We can’t find Chandler…(Phoebe sticks her head and motions
|
||
that they found Chandler)—‘s vest. We can’t find Chandler’s vest.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> How can that be?! Oh wait! Wait! Are you, are you serious?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering) Found the vest! I mean we’re gonna have to keep an eye
|
||
on it, y’know make sure we don’t lose it again…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh wow! Okay. Don’t scare me like that okay? I mean for a minute
|
||
there I was like, "Oh my God! The worst has happened!" </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica goes into the bathroom and Phoebe and Rachel breathe a sigh of relief.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey and Richard are in the middle of a scene. They are both
|
||
holding swords.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I would sooner die in this hellhole then see her back with you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> That can be arranged.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Richard thrusts, misses Joey by several feet and Joey screams in pain and drops to his
|
||
knees.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Director:</b> Let’s reset.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What?! He got me! Owwwwww!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Director:</b> Let’s take it from there.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> (To Joey) Are you a little off today? It’s going terribly slowly.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Look, my best friends are getting married in like an hour. Okay? And
|
||
I’m the minister. Please! Please! Can you pull it together?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Of course! I’m-I’m sorry. I-I’d hate you to miss
|
||
anything like that on account of me. I can do this!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Thank you. Thank you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Director:</b> Still rolling, annnnd action!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I would sooner die in this hellhole then see her back with you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Now, that can be arranged! (He brings his sword back and drops it,
|
||
causing it to fly over the wall.) Slippery little bugger!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Hotel, Monica’s room, Mr. and Mrs. Bing are staring at each other
|
||
while Phoebe looks on.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So-so you two were married huh? What happened? You just drift apart?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel and Mrs. Geller enter.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> Here comes the bride.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica enters wearing her wedding dress.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God Monica!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I wanna wear this everyday.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You look so beautiful.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (starting to cry) I’m so happy for me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hello?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (on phone) Hey! Did Chandler show up yet?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, we got him back. Everything’s fine.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Damnit!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What? Why? Where are you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I’m still on the set!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey! The wedding is in less than an hour!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I know! I’m sorry! The guy’s drunk, they won’t let me go
|
||
until we get this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God! I’m gonna have to find another minister.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No! No, I’m the minister! Alright, look-look, put ‘em both on
|
||
the phone, I’ll marry them right now.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ugh! Joey, I have to go.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey! Don’t you hang up on me! I’ll marry you and me right now! I
|
||
have the power!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She hangs up anyway.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler’s Hotel Room, Ross is getting Chandler ready.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> There you go. You put on a tuxedo! Now that wasn’t so scary, was it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m telling you, just a little bit at a time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah okay. Well, what’s the next little bit?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Getting married. (Chandler panics.) Okay. Okay. You can, you can do that
|
||
too! Just like you’ve done everything else!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah. You’re right. Hey I-I can do that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, excuse me for a minute. (Starts to leave)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Wh—Hey—Whoa-whoa, where, where you going?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ross, I am not gonna run away again! I just want to get a little fresh
|
||
air.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Chandler goes out into the hall and lights up a cigarette.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh fresh air!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He hears Phoebe and Rachel coming and hides in the ice machine room.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (To Rachel) Wait! Maybe, maybe you’re overreacting! You do that
|
||
y’know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well Phoebe, we gotta do something! (They turn the corner.) Well,
|
||
y’know. I mean there’s no way Joey’s gonna make it in time. So I’m
|
||
gonna go through the hotel and see if there’s any other weddings going on.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. Oh but don’t tell them Monica’s pregnant
|
||
because they
|
||
frown on that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They head in separate directions and Chandler emerges and he’s so shocked that
|
||
his cigarette is hanging from his lip.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Hotel, Rachel is walking through the ballroom area and comes upon the sign
|
||
for the Anastassakis/Papasifakis wedding.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Anastassakis/Papasifakis wedding, excellent! {It’s a good thing
|
||
Jennifer Aniston is Greek, because she had to pronounce those names. Luckily for me, they
|
||
were written on a sign.}(The happy couple emerges.) Congratulations. (To the best man and
|
||
maid of honor) Mazel Tov! (The rabbi emerges.) Hi! Oh, great hat. (He’s wearing an
|
||
interesting hat and she takes him over to talk.) Listen umm, I need you to perform another
|
||
wedding. Can you do that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Rabbi:</b> I don’t know. Are they Greek Orthodox?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah! Yeah. They’re…they’re-they’re my friends, uh,
|
||
Monica Stephanopolus and uh, and Chandler Acidofolus.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica’s Hotel Room, Chandler and Monica’s parents and Phoebe are
|
||
there as Ross enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi! (To Mrs. Bing) Hi! (Mr. Bing starts rubbing his arm.) Hi. Has umm,
|
||
anyone seen Chandler?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> I thought he was with you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> He-he was with me umm, we’re playing a little game, y’know? Hide
|
||
and seek.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> You can’t ask us son, that’s cheating.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (pause) You’re right, thanks for keeping me honest dad.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> Well, he better not come by here. He can’t see the bride in
|
||
the wedding dress.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Bing:</b> As I recall when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding
|
||
dress.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Bing:</b> But that was after the wedding, it’s not bad luck then.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Bing:</b> Honey, it isn’t good luck.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica enters.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh my God! Monica!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I know! Hey, how’s Chandler doin’?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Great. He’s doing great. Don’t you worry about Chandler.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Are you okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh-huh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, you’re-you’re sweating.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> These-these are beads of joy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh that’s sweet. Don’t touch me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh Phoebe, can I see you for a second?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They both go out into the hall.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What’s going on?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Chandler’s gone again!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God! Why would you play hide and seek with someone you know is a
|
||
flight risk?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross just glares at her.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Movie Set, Joey is walking up to the director, pleading with him to let him
|
||
go.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Aaron! You gotta let me go. The guy’s hammered!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Director:</b> I’m sorry Joey, as long as he’s here and he’s
|
||
conscious we’re still shooting.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He walks away and Joey does Ross’s fist thing. He then enters Richard’s
|
||
dressing room, to find Richard cutting his steak with his sword.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> You wouldn’t happen to have a very big fork?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So I uh, I just talked to the director. That’s it, we’re done
|
||
for the day.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Well have we finished the scene?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah! You…you were wonderful.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> As were you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So I got your car, it’s right outside.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Why? Are we done for the day?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> That’s what you told me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Oh, thank you. You’re welcome. (He stands up, staggers to the
|
||
couch, and starts to lie down.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No-no-no! We gotta go! Come on! (Joey picks him up in a fireman’s
|
||
carry and carries him out.) Here we go.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Is that my ass? (He’s looking at Joey’s.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(And as Joey walks out the door, Richard grabs a bottle of Scotch, just as the door
|
||
closes and carries it with him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Hotel, Phoebe and Ross are looking for Chandler.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (turning a corner) There he is!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross runs over and tackles him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey! Oh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You’re not getting away this time mister! Unless you want that ass
|
||
kicking we talked about!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ross! (He starts to get up.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hiiii-Ya!! (Chandler lies back down.) I’m serious! You’re not
|
||
walking out on my sister!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (standing up) That’s right! I’m not!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Then where the hell have you been?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I know about Monica.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You know?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I heard you and Rachel talking.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?! What?! Talking about what?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You don’t know?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Know what—If somebody doesn’t tell me what’s going on right
|
||
now…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What? You’ll hi-ya?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Monica’s pregnant.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh my God. Oh my God! And you’re-you’re…you’re not
|
||
freaking out?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well I was! Then I went down to the gift shop because I was out of
|
||
cigarettes…</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Phoebe and <b>Ross:</b></b> Cigarettes?!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Big picture please! So I was in the gift shop, and that’s when I
|
||
uh, saw this. (He holds up a little, tiny baby jumper that reads I (heart) New York.)
|
||
Yeah, y’know what? I thought anything that can fit into this, can’t be scary.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well you obviously didn’t see Chucky 3.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> But come on, look at how cute and small this is! So I got it to give
|
||
Monica so she’d know I was okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Dude. (Hugs him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Mr. Geller turns the corner.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Way to go son! I knew you’d find him!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The moment we waited for has finally arrived. It’s time for Monica and
|
||
Chandler’s wedding. We’ve got violins playing <i>Every Breath You Take</i>,
|
||
we’ve got guests seated, and Chandler starts walking down the aisle with his parents
|
||
on either arm.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Bing:</b> Our little boy is getting married.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Bing:</b> Oh look at you! So handsome!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You look beautiful mom. (His dad clears his throat.) You look
|
||
beautiful too dad. I love you both. (He kisses his dad on the cheek) I’m so glad you're
|
||
here. (He kisses his mom.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He walks up onto the altar and notices the rabbi.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Rabbi:</b> Are you Chandler?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Are you Joey?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross walks down the aisle with Phoebe and Rachel on his arms.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Huh. This is nice.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I’ve never walked down the aisle knowing it can’t end in
|
||
divorce.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Finally, Monica with her parents on her arms start down the aisle.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> Oh I wish your grandmother had lived to see this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> She’s right there.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> Not that old crow, my mother. (They stop and she kisses Monica on
|
||
the cheek.) Congratulations darling.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> I love you sweetheart. (He kisses her and they sit down.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Chandler steps off the altar to greet his bride-to-be.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You look beautiful. Is this new? (Her dress.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Not now.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They both step up onto the altar and she notices the rabbi.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (To Chandler) Who is this?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Rabbi:</b> I am Father Kalebasous.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (in Monica’s ear) He’s Greek Orthodox.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (leaning in) As are you…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Rabbi:</b> Let us begin. Dearly beloved…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) That’s my line! (He walks up the aisle and to the rabbi) I
|
||
can take it from here, thanks. (To all) Dearly beloved, I’m sorry I’m a little
|
||
late. You may be confused by this now, (He’s still in costume) but you won’t be
|
||
Memorial Day weekend 2002. Well, let’s get started before the groom takes off again.
|
||
Huh? (Monica is shocked and looks around.) We are gathered here today, to join this man
|
||
and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony. I’ve known Monica and Chandler for a
|
||
long time, and I can <b>not</b> imagine two people more perfect for each other. And now,
|
||
as I’ve left my notes in my dressing room, we shall proceed to the vows. Monica?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She turns to get her vows from Rachel.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (To Rachel) He took off?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Go on! Go on. (She turns back to Chandler.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Chandler, for so long I…I wondered if I would ever find my prince,
|
||
my soul mate. Then three years ago, at another wedding I turned to a friend for comfort.
|
||
And instead, I found everything that I’d ever been looking for my whole life. And
|
||
now…here we are…with our future before us…and I only want to spend it with
|
||
you, my prince, my soul mate, my friend. Unless you don’t want to. You go!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Chandler?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross leans in to give Chandler his vows.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (To Ross) No, that’s okay. (Ross nods and retreats.) Monica I
|
||
thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever had to do. But when I
|
||
saw you walking down that aisle I realized how simple it was. I love you. Any surprises
|
||
that come our way, it’s okay, because I will always love you. You are the person I was
|
||
meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if I’m sure? (He leans in and
|
||
kisses her.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You may not kiss the bride. So, I guess by the powers vested in
|
||
me by the
|
||
state of New York and the Internet guys, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Oh wait! Do
|
||
you take each other?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I do.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I do.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah you do!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Rings?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Aw crap! Okay—uh…uh let’s-let’s do the rings. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Chandler and Monica both turn, take the rings from Ross and Rachel respectively, and
|
||
place them on each other’s fingers.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> We good? Yeah? Good? Once again, I pronounce you husband and wife. (To
|
||
Chandler) Now kiss her again.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They kiss and everyone applauds.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (To Monica) I love you. And I know about the baby.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What baby?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Our baby.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> We have a baby?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Phoebe found your pregnancy test in the trash.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I didn’t take a pregnancy test.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Then…who did?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh and they’re gonna have a baby.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh-huh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The camera zooms in on Rachel who has a very worried and frightened look on her face
|
||
and she slowly takes a deep breath.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Fade to black.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>{Transcriber’s Note: There was no trailer for this episode. See you in season 8;
|
||
which will start this fall.}</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |