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<title>The One With Phoebe’s Uterus</title>
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<h1 align="center"><strong>The One With Phoebe’s Uterus</strong></h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Seth Kirkland<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Frank and Alice are there talking with Phoebe.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God! I can’t believe my little brother is married!</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> Oh I know!! (Both he and Alice squeal hysterically)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You guys, why didn’t you tell me you were eloping?</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> ‘Cause it just sorta happened, y’know we were at the
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courthouse, we were having lunch…</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wait, wait, why were you at the courthouse? </p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> We were having lunch. Yeah and then all of the sudden we were like,
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"Hey! Y'know, we’re here, having lunch let’s get married!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wow, a year and a half ago I didn’t even know I had a brother, and
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now I have a sister too. (They all hug, and Frank and Alice start kissing.) Okay. Okay.
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Stop it, don’t. So, I gotta get you a gift now. Is there anything you need?</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> Uhh, yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Alice:</b> We’ve been trying to get pregnant, uh pretty much ever since we got
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engaged, we thought we’d get a jump on things, y’know no one’s getting any
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younger.</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> See the thing is umm, we’re not able to y’know, uh, conceive.</p>
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<p><b>Alice:</b> And we’ve tried everything, we’ve seen a bunch of doctors.</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> Yeah, and they-and they say that our-that our only chance to have a baby
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is that if they take my sperm, her egg and put it together in a dish and then put it into
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another girl. So we were wondering if you could be the girl that we could put it into.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (shocked) That’s a really nice gift. I was thinking of like a gravy
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boat.</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Chandler are trying to throw cards
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into a vase.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering with Ross) Hey! You guys! Check it out, check it out! (He’s
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wearing a blue blazer) Guess which job I got.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don’t know, but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer black.</p>
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<p>(The gang is stunned.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Blue blazer back. He-he wants it back.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> But you-you said black. Why would he want his blue blazer black?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, you-you know what I meant.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No, you messed it up. You’re stupid.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> So what job did you get Joe?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, ah, tour guide at the museum. Yeah, Ross got it for me.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, how can you be a tour guide, don’t you have to be a dinosaur
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expert or something?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No, not really. They give you all the information, it’s uh, it’s
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like memorizing a script. (Making like a tour guide) "And on your left, you have
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Tyrannosaurus Rex, a carnivore from the Jurassic period.</p>
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<p><strong>Chandler, Monica, and Rachel:</strong> Great!! That’s great!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh actually Joey, it’s the Cretasous period.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah but, I can pronounce Jurassic.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering) Hey!!</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Guess what. Frank Jr., and Alice got married!</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Oh my God!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> And! And, they’re gonna have a baby! (The gang is shocked.) And!
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And, they want me to grow it for them in my uterus. (The gang is stunned into silence.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> My God!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Are you serious?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> You’re really thinking about having sex with your brother?!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ewww! And "Oh no!" It’s—they just want me to be the
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surrogate. It’s her-it’s her egg and her sperm, and I’m-I’m just the
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oven, it’s totally their bun. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Huh.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What did you tell them?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, they said that I had to think about it first, but what is there to
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think about? I’m gonna be giving them the greatest gift you can possibly give.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You’re gonna be carrying their baby and give them a <em>Sony Play
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Station</em>?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Honey, this really is an incredible thing to do for them, but there are
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things to think about.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, like you’re gonna be pregnant. I mean pregnant.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I know!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Pheebs, you’re talking about putting your body through an awful lot,
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I mean morning sickness, uhh, labour, and it’s all for somebody else!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, what’s your point?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, the stuff I just mentioned.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wow! I don’t know if I could ever do that. I always figured the
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first time I had a baby was with somebody I love and that baby would be a…keeper.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Y'know you guys were a lot more supportive when I wanted to make denim
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furniture.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No, Pheebs, listen, if you decide to do this, we’ll be supportive
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like crazy.</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> We just want you to think it through.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, honey, maybe you can talk to somebody who’s had a baby. Like
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your mom?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> My mom never gave birth. Oh! But my birth mom did.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Kathy are kissing.]</p>
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<p><b>Kathy:</b> Umm, (moves her hand’s down to his butt) I love this touchy. Can I
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take it to work with me?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, yeah, sure, it’s not mine anyway. It can with the pants.</p>
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<p><b>Kathy:</b> Oh! (They kiss and she leaves)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I am so jealous.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You guys are really right…there aren’t you?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes. Right where?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> In the beginning where y’know it’s all sex and talking and sex
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and talking and…</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, you-you gotta love the talking.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> And the sex?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, we haven’t had sex yet. Okay, what’s the big
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deal? Y’know? This is special, and I want our love to grow until we move on to the
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next level.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, Chandler that is so nice.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> That is really nice…lying! No way is that the reason!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Why? Just because you’re not mature enough to understand something
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like that?!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, he’s right, I’m totally lying.</p>
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<p>(Ross makes an "I was right, and you weren’t face." And Rachel does
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Ross’s little I’m-flicking-you-off-but-I’m-not-giving-you-the-finger
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banging of the fists.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Then what is it?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, Kathy’s last boyfriend was Joey.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> And you’re afraid you won’t be able to…fill his shoes.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, I’m afraid I won’t be able to make love as well as him.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, I was going for the metaphor.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, and I was saying the actual words.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> So big deal, so Joey’s had a lot of girlfriends, it doesn’t
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mean he’s great in bed.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> We share a wall! So either he’s great in bed, or she just likes
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to agree with him a lot.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Sweetie, with you it’s gonna be different. The sex is gonna be
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great, ‘cause you-you guys are in love.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Just go for it Chandler.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, you should.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, you should, really.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Go on.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, all right, I’ll go sleep with my girlfriend. But
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I’m just doing it for you guys.</p>
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<p>[Scene: The museum, Joey is giving a tour to a bunch of school kids.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, now the Mastodon is from the semi-late Jurassic period.</p>
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<p><b>Smart Kid:</b> Isn’t the Mastodon from the Pliocene Epic?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Shhh! This is a museum, no talking. Right down here, (Motions to a
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fossilised dinosaur foot.) we have a large foot. (Sees Ross working in one of the display
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cases.) Uhh, and over here we have Ross Geller. (Knocks on the glass) Everyone wave
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‘Hi’ to Ross. Ross is one of our most important scientists, look at him, hard at
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work. (Ross does the old "Putting a cigarette in your ear and pulling it out of your
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mouth trick.") Okay, moving right along. Come on.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Phoebe Sr.’s house, there’s a knock on the door.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> It’s open! Come in!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’m sorry, I’m late.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Oh, that’s okay, it gave me time to finish glazing my nipples.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wow! You really go all out when you’re expecting company.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> No, I was working on my pottery.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! Ooh! Oh, I didn’t know that you did…pot.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Well, yeah, mostly nudes. It combines my two passions, pottery and
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erotica.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, erotiery!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Hey! Okay! Well thanks for coming out to see me. I just-I just
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thought it would be a very good idea to talk about this baby stuff in person.
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Y’know…</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> I really don’t think it’s a very good idea, Phoebe.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Why not?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Well, because you’d be giving up a baby, and I-I really
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don’t—I don’t know if there’s anything I can say that could make you
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understand the pain of giving up a baby. So, umm, (Picks up a puppy in the box next to the
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couch.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh no! No-no! I understand the pain! Don’t-don’t hurt the
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puppy.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> No-no-no, the-the puppy’s yours.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I get a puppy!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Well, yeah! I mean yeah, but only for three days.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Why?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> I realise I don’t have any right to start get all parenty on you
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and everything now, but umm, (Sees that Phoebe isn’t paying attention and is busy
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mimicking the puppy.) uhh… Phoebe, would you please look at me and not the puppy,
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it’s very important. </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> I mean, I know what I’m talking about. I gave up two babies, and
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I only wish I had someone there that had given up babies, that could tell me how terrible
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it is to give up babies. I just think that, it would be something you will regret every
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single day for the rest of your life. So, how ever hard it is to give up this puppy, it
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would be like a million times harder to give up a child. (Phoebe is playing with the puppy
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again, and not listening) I really shouldn’t have given you the puppy first.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right, I’m sorry.</p>
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<p>[Scene: The museum’s worker cafeteria, Joey is eating lunch with the rest of the
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tour guides. Another tour guide tries to sit down in a seat Joey saved for Ross.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Uhh, do you mind sitting there. I’m-I’m saving this for my
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friend Ross.</p>
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<p><b>Tour Guide:</b> You mean Dr. Geller?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Doctor? Wow! I didn’t know he had a nickname.</p>
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<p><b>Tour Guide:</b> Oh, he won’t sit here. Only the people in the white coats sit
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over there, (Points to there table) and only the people in the blue blazers sit here.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, how-how come?</p>
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<p><b>Tour Guide:</b> That’s just the way it is.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> That’s crazy.</p>
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<p><b>Tour Guide:</b> Maybe it’s crazy in a perfect world, a world without lab coats
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and blazers, but you not in a perfect world, you in a museum now. See that scientist in
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the classes, he and I used to play together all the time in grade school, but
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now…(Turns around) Peter! Hey, Peter! It’s me Rhonda! From PS-129! I shared my
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puddin’ which you man! I gave you my <em>Snack Pack</em>! (to Joey) See, he pretend
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he don’t even here me!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I-I think everybody’s pretending they don’t hear you. Anyway,
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look, I don’t know about you and your jackets and your separate tables, but Ross is
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one of my best friends, and if I save him a seat, I’m telling you, he <b>will</b> sit
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in it! (Ross enters and goes over to the white table) Ross! Ross! Over here, man! I-I
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saved you seat.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s okay, I’m cool over here. I’ll catch up with you
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later, Joey. (Joey is shocked.)</p>
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<p>(Another woman enters without a coat or blazer and tries to sit at the ‘blue’
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table.)</p>
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<p><b>Tour Guide:</b> Op, this is saved. (Joey wonders why) Gift shop.</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey is eating dinner, Monica and Rachel are sitting on
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the couch.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hey, uh, I’m really, really sorry about what happened in
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the cafeteria today.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> It’s no big deal. Hey, y’know, you do what you gotta do. Right?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> But hey, it’s not just me, I mean the scientists and the tour guides <b>never</b>
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sit together.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Whatever.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> It’s like that everywhere, Joey! Okay, Mon, back me up here. Where
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you work the uh, waiters eat with the waiters, right? And the chefs eat with the other
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chefs, right?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I eat by myself in the alley because everybody hates me.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Look, Ross, really it’s-it’s no big deal. Y’know you wear a
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white coat, I wear a blue blazer, if that means we can’t be friends at work, then so
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be it. Y’know, hey I understand. Y’know? Hey, when I’m in a play and
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you’re in the audience, I don’t talk to you, right? So it’s y’know,
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it’s uh, it’s cool. I’ll see you tomorrow. (Leaves)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, when we’re in the audience he doesn’t talk to us, but he
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does wave.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Phoebe is there with her puppy and is
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trying to sing it to sleep as Chandler enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why is Phoebe singing to Carl Mulden?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, y’know what, I think it’s time for puppy to go out again.
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Come on, let’s go to the balcony.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, the street. Come on, let’s go to the street. Ooh, listen,
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don’t go onto the balcony until after I get back. (Leaves)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (to Chandler) So, did you do it?</p>
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|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, yes, we had the sex.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Uh-oh, it was bad?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> It was fine, y’know? But she didn’t agree with me as
|
||
strongly as she agreed with Joey. She was more like, "I see you point, I’m all
|
||
right with it."</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, it was the first time. Y’know, there’s not always a lot
|
||
of agreement the first time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, not girls anyway, guys agree (snaps her fingers) like that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, you have to help me! Okay? I mean, I know what to do with a
|
||
woman, y’know, I know where everything goes, it’s always nice. But I need to
|
||
know what makes it go from nice to, "My God! Somebody’s killing her in
|
||
there!"</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, I’m gonna show you something a lot of guys don’t
|
||
know. Rach, give me that pad, please? (She does so and Monica starts drawing on it) All
|
||
right. Now…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, you don’t have to draw an actual wo—whoa! She’s
|
||
hot!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling
|
||
them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out there’s more than
|
||
three), five, six, and seven!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (shocked) There are seven?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Let me see that. (Monica shows her) Oh, yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (Points to one) That’s one?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> It’s kind of an important one!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, y’know-y’know what, I was looking at it upside down.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, y’know, sometimes that helps. (She realises what that
|
||
could’ve meant.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (continuing) Now, most guys will hit uh, 1-2-3 and then go to 7 and set
|
||
up camp.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> That-that’s bad?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well if you go to <em>Disneyland</em>, you don’t spend the whole
|
||
day on the Materhorn.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well you might if it were anything like 7!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right uh, the important thing is to take your time, you want to hit
|
||
‘em all, and you mix ‘em up. You gotta keep them on their toes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oo, toes!! Well, for some people. (Chandler eyes her and her toes.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3,
|
||
5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, (Rachel starts getting worked up) 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7,
|
||
6-7, 7, …7..…7…7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7…(mouths 7)! (They both lean
|
||
back on the couch satisfied.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The museum cafeteria, Joey is eating with the tour guides as Ross enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b><b>Older Scientist:</b></b> Dr. Geller, there’s a seat over here. (Motions to
|
||
an empty chair at the ‘white’ table.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Thank you, Dr. Phillips, but I’m having my lunch at this table, here
|
||
in the middle. I’m having lunch right here, with my good friend Joey, if he’ll
|
||
sit with me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (standing up) I will sit with you Dr. Geller. (He goes over to his table
|
||
and they shake hands.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Y'know, we work in a museum of natural history, and yet there is something
|
||
unnatural about the way we eat lunch. Now, I look around this cafeteria, and y’know
|
||
what I see, I see-I see division. Division, between people in white coats and people in
|
||
blue blazers, and I ask myself, "My God why?!" Now, I say we shed these-these
|
||
coats that separate us, and we get to know the people underneath. (He takes off his coat
|
||
and throws it down.) I’m Ross! I’m divorced, and I have a kid!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (stands up, and throws his coat on the floor) I’m Joey! I’m an
|
||
actor! I don’t know squat about dinosaurs!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Another Tour Guide:</b> (standing up and removing his coat) I’m Ted, and I just
|
||
moved here a month ago, and New York really scares me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> All right, there you go!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, you hang in there Teddy!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b><b>Older Scientist:</b></b> I’m Andrew, and I didn’t pay for this pear.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, good-good for you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tour Guide:</b> I’m Rhonda, (motions to her breasts) and these aren’t
|
||
real! (Joey and Ross look at each other, shocked)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Wow, Rhonda.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Another Scientist:</b> I’m Scott.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, okay, Scott!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Another Scientist:</b> And I need to flip the light switch on and off 17 times
|
||
before I leave a room or my family will die.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, with the puppy, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the
|
||
couch.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> My mom’s gonna be here any minute. I can’t do this, I
|
||
can’t give him up. Yes—no, I can. I don’t want to. But I can. No.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oo, I can’t watch this, it’s like <em>Sophie’s Choice</em>.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y’know, I never saw that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ooh, it was only okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, I can’t do this. My mom was right. If I can’t-if I
|
||
can’t give him up, then there’s no way I can give up a baby. Ohh, God, Frank and
|
||
Alice are gonna be so crushed. What-what else, what else can I give ‘em—a
|
||
kidney!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Alice:</b> (entering with Frank) Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Alice:</b> Uhh, we were just in the neighbourhood, so…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Yeah, so we just thought we’d stop by and let you know there’s
|
||
still no pressure.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Alice:</b> None. But if there was something you wanted to tell us, we’re just
|
||
gonna be right over there (points to the counter) having coffee.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> (noticing the puppy) Oh, who’s this little guy?! (Grabs the puppy)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! Ooh! Umm!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Oh, he’s so cute, he reminds me of my old dog, Tumour.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Alice:</b> You are so precious, I could just take you home.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey, why don’t you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Are you serious?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh-huh, yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Oh, thanks.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What are you doing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, I’m really okay with this. Y’know why? ‘Cause look at
|
||
them, and I made that, so… I know it’s gonna be like a million times harder to
|
||
give up a baby but, oh my God, it’s gonna feel like a million times better, right? I
|
||
wanna do this. (To Frank and Alice) I wanna carry your baby.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Alice:</b> (shocked) Oh! Oh! Oh! Thank you so much! You don’t know what this
|
||
means to us! Oh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Oh my God, I think I’m gonna cry!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> It’s gonna be so great.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> (entering) Hi! What’s going on?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I-I gave them the puppy and it made them so happy that I decided
|
||
I’m gonna carry their baby.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> But Phoebe…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No-no-no, I know, but you and I are different people though, and this is
|
||
a totally different situation, and I know that I am not gonna regret this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Oh, I-I-I understand all that, but it’s just—that was my
|
||
puppy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are sitting at the table.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Would you ever be a surrogate for anyone?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It depends on who asked.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What if I asked?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, Mon, sure.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes. (Pause) You’re not asking are you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes! Totally!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Kathy runs in, hair all out of place, and hugs Monica.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kathy:</b> Oh! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Yes! Thank you! (Runs back to
|
||
Chandler)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |