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<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season8/805towrd.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With Rachel's Date</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With Rachel’s Date</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Brian Buckner & Sebastian Jones<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Monica’s Restaurant Kitchen, she is frantically working and is handing two
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finished dishes to a waitress.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, now this one is rare, this one is medium well! Now go-go-go!
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(Phoebe enters) Hey Phoebe!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey how was dinner?!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Dinner was good! </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’m just saying hi! Now I’m gonna go! </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay!</p>
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<p>(Phoebe turns to leave but notices an attractive man.) </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (To him) Oh, well hello there.</p>
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<p><strong>Guy:</strong> Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (To Monica) I didn’t see this on the menu.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Uh Tim? This is Phoebe. Phoebe this is Tim, my new sous chef.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, so you're Monica’s boss?</p>
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<p><b>Tim:</b> Actually she’s my-my boss. Sous is French for under.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! I sous stand.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey Tim? I need a calamari and a Caesar salad. And umm, could you get me
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the pesto?</p>
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<p><b>Tim:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh you…you made pesto?</p>
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<p><b>Tim:</b> Yes I did.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Would you say your pesto is the best-o?</p>
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<p><b>Tim:</b> I…I-I don’t know, but I would say it’s pretty good-o.
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(Phoebe laughs too hard.)</p>
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<p>(Monica goes over and grabs the pesto.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, I still need a calamari and a Caesar salad.</p>
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<p><b>Tim:</b> I like your necklace.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I made it myself.</p>
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<p><b>Tim:</b> You are so talented.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, it’s no pesto.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, all right! Let’s just cut to the chase, okay? (To
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Phoebe) You’re single. (To Tim) You’re single. (To Phoebe) He gets off work at
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eleven. (To Tim) She’ll be waiting for your call. (To Phoebe) I’ll give him your
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number if I can get one calamari and one Caesar salad!! (Everyone in the kitchen stops.) I
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did not yell. I am <b>not</b> putting a dollar in the jar.</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler’s Office, he’s working at his computer as his boss, Mr.
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Franklin, sticks his head in.]</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Franklin:</b> Wow Bing! Burning the midnight oil.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You know me sir. Oh ah, I do have a question for ya. Do you know how I
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get around the office computer network so I can access the really good Internet porn?</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Franklin:</b> You’re a joker Bing. (Walks away.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What’s funny about that?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (running up) Hey! Sorry I kept you waiting so long.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey that’s okay. So, where do you want to go?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh ah, I think you know where I want to go.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> The <i>Hard Rock Café</i>?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Again?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah!!</p>
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<p>(They go out to the elevators.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m telling you, I like the food!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You like the <i>Purple Rain</i> display! (A guy walks up.) Hey Bob.</p>
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<p><b>Bob:</b> Hey Toby! Have a good night. (Walks by.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Did that guy just call you Toby?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, he thinks that’s my name.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, why don’t you correct him?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh it’s been going on way to long now. Y’know, I mean the
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first time he said it we were just passing each other in the hallway, so I didn’t say
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anything. And then the next time he said, "Hey Toby, do you want a donut?" And
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I-I wanted a donut. And now it’s five years later, the donut’s gone and I’m
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still Toby.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Five years?! Chandler you have to tell him!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No! That would be so awkward! Look—Besides, we work in different
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departments. He’s on the sixth floor y’know? So he calls me Toby once in a
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while. What’s the big deal? It could be worse, it’s not like he’s calling
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me Muriel. (Chandler suddenly freezes into place.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (laughs) Muriel. Wh-why would he call you Muriel? (Ross realizes
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something.) Oh my God! Chandler <b>M</b> Bing? It’s not just an M, your middle name
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is Muriel!!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Shh! It is a family name!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Chandler Muriel Bing. Boy, your parents never gave you a chance did they?</p>
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<p>[Scene: <i>Days Of Our Lives</i> set, Joey is doing a scene with a co-star as Rachel
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watches on a monitor.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey's Co-Star:</b> Drake, I’ve discovered the reason for all your headaches
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and memory loss.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Drake Ramoray:</b> What is it?</p>
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<p><b>Joey's Co-Star:</b> Apparently your brain transplant was not entirely successful. It
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seems your body is rejecting Jessica’s brain.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Drake Ramoray:</b> Is it serious?</p>
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<p><b>Joey's Co-Star:</b> Not if we extract tissue from the original host body, synthesize
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antibodies, and introduce them into your system, which could stop it from rejecting the
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brain.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Drake Ramoray:</b> Well that sounds simple enough, let’s just do that.</p>
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<p><b>Joey's Co-Star:</b> We would, but when we went to exhume Jessica’s body, it was
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gone.</p>
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<p>(Dramatic music plays and Joey does a little ‘Smell-the-fart’ acting.)</p>
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<p><b>Director:</b> Cut! Very nice people!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (To Rachel) Okay, let me just get changed and we can go to dinner.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well don’t—What happened to Jessica’s body?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I’m not telling, you’ll have to see it on TV!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You don’t know do you?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No, couldn’t care less.</p>
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<p><b>Joey's Co-Star:</b> Hey good scene man.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey you too!</p>
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<p><b>Joey's Co-Star:</b> Alright.</p>
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<p>(Rachel clears her throat.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What? You weren’t in it.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh! (Motions to Joey’s co-star.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh sorry. Uh-uh, Kash?</p>
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<p><b>Kash:</b> Yes?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> This is my friend Rachel. Rachel, Kash, Kash, Rachel.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Kash:</b> Hey! How come I haven’t seen you here before?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, Joey probably thinks I’ll just embarrass him. Y’know, he
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thinks I’m some kind of a soap opera nut—Which I’m not! I’m not.
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Although I do know that your uh, your favorite ice cream flavor is butter pecan. (Starts
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stroking his arm) And uh, and that your-your dog’s name is Wally. Well look at that,
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I’m just stroking your arm.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (grabbing her) Here we go! Here we go! (Starts to pull her away from
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Kash.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, we’re leaving. Bye Kash.</p>
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<p><b>Kash:</b> Bye.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Say hi to Wally.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is getting coffee as Phoebe enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh Monica!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God! I had the <b>best</b> time with Tim last night. He is so
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sweet! Oh, I can’t wait to get sous-neath him.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I…I have to fire him.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> But why?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Because he’s terrible! Okay, he’s slow, he burns things, last
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night he lit my pastry chef on fire!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well maybe he was just nervous, y’know you can be very
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intimidating. And besides I’ve met your pastry chef and she can stand to be taken
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down a peg or two.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, now she has no eyebrows, mission accomplished.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> But Monica, he loves his job so much! Can you just give him another
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chance? Please?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (thinks about it) All right, but if-if he lights someone else on fire he
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is out of there!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That’s fair! Thank you so much. Thanks. Oops, it looks like when he
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got the pastry chef he got you a little bit too.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I paid to have this done.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Love it!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is eating at the counter as Joey enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh you know uh Kash, really liked you the other day. He said he thought
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you were charming.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I thought I was a complete idiot.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, I’m with you. He even asked me if I thought you’d go out
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with him.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh! Oh, I think I’m gonna throw up a little bit. What did you say?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I said no.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What? I…I just figured since you’re pregnant you’re not
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gonna be seeing people.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay Joey, first of all Kash Ford is not people. Second of all, what did
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he say when you told him I was pregnant?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I didn’t tell him. I didn’t know if you were telling people.
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This is back when I thought Kash was still people.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Good-good, don’t tell him. Don’t tell him. Just have him call
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me okay?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Rach look, I really don’t think that’s such a great…</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, you go do it! I’ll come back to that set! I’ll meet more
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actors! I’ll meet ‘em all!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler’s Office Building, Chandler is walking by the elevators and sees
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Bob standing there.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey Bob.</p>
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<p><b>Bob:</b> Hey! How’s my pal Toby doing today?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> If I see him, I’ll ask.</p>
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<p><b>Bob:</b> (laughs) Toby!</p>
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<p>(The elevator doors opens, Bob boards the elevator, Chandler walks away, and Mr.
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Franklin steps out of the elevator.)</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Franklin:</b> Hey-hey! Bing? Was that Bob from six you were just talking too?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Franklin:</b> Oh then you know each other.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> We’re on a semi-first name basis.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Franklin:</b> What do you think of adding him to our team?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Bob? Ooh, working here with us? Everyday? Yeah, I don’t know if
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he has what it takes.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Franklin:</b> Really? They love him down on six.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> But this is eleven. It’s almost twice as hard up here.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Franklin:</b> Okay, I hear you loud and clear. Bob will stay put.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I think it’s best sir.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Franklin:</b> But we really do need to find someone up here. The work is
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starting to pile up. I’ve got a stack of documents on my desk this high. (Holds his
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hand at shoulder level.) </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y’know what you should do, just toss ‘em in the shedder and
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claim you never got ‘em.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Franklin:</b> (laughs) That’s a good one. (Walks away.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What does a guy have to <b>do</b> to be taken <b>seriously</b> around
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here?!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is in the kitchen as Phoebe enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey. Okay, I gave him another chance, but Tim has <b>got</b> to go!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> But…</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No! No-no! He is totally incompetent. I called the chef who recommended
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him to me. He said, "Ha-ha! Gotcha!"</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. Okay, but you can’t fire him today.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Why not?!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Because I’m dumping him today.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What?! You said he was sweet!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> He <b>is</b> sweet. He’s too sweet. He calls me all the time.
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(Mimicking him) "So did-did you get home from work okay?" "Did-did you get
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out of the shower okay?"</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Just don’t pick up your phone.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Then he comes over! (Mimicking him) "I’m so worried about
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you." Uck! Be a man!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What? So now I’m not allowed to fire him?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You can’t fire him and dump him the same day, he’ll kill
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himself.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay well then, I’ll fire him today and you go out with him for
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another week.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Are you kidding?! Another week with that sip, I’ll kill <b>my</b>self!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay well, then we’ll both do it today and he’ll just have to
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deal with it!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. But the question is who’s gonna go first. ‘Cause whoever
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goes second is the bitch.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What do you mean?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Come on! The boss that fires a guy that’s just been dumped, bitch!
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And the woman who dumps a guy that’s just been fired, blond bitch!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I wanted to do this days ago so I think I should go first.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right, that makes sense. (Starts towards the door.) Ugh.
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But—Screw you I’m going first! (She grabs her purse and runs out.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler’s Office Building, Bob is standing at the elevators and sees
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Chandler walk up.]</p>
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<p><b>Bob:</b> Hey Toby, you got a sec?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Sure, what’s up?</p>
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<p><b>Bob:</b> I just had a meeting, I was actually hoping to get transferred up here, but
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I just found out its not gonna happen. Apparently somebody thinks I’m not eleventh
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floor material. Say uh, who the <b>hell</b> is this Chandler?</p>
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<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her date and Joey is reading a
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magazine.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey, what do you think is a better excuse for why I’m not drinking
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on this date tonight. "Umm, I’m a recovering alcoholic. I’m a Mormon,"
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or "I got so hammered last night I’m still a little drunk?"</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering with a pizza and beer) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> So, what do you want to do tonight? There’s a Ukrainian film at the
|
||
Angelica that’s supposed to be very powerful. Interested?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No. No. But I’ll go see a normal person movie with ya.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Rach? You wanna come?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh no, I can’t. I got a date.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> A date?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah. Why? Is that weird for you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Why no, it’s the opposite of weird. It’s-it’s uh, regular.
|
||
It’s-it’s uh, it’s mundane. It’s actually uh, a little dull.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> It’s no Ukrainian film.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah—Ooh! Earrings! (Goes into her room.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> A date?! She’s-she’s got a date?! With who?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I set her up with this actor on my show.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You set her up?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Joey what-what were you thinking?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, I was thinking that it’d probably be okay because Ross
|
||
hasn’t gone out with Rachel in five years!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Joey, I’m not worried about her! I’m worried about my baby!
|
||
Whoever she dates my baby dates! Now-now where is this (makes the quote-marks sign) actor
|
||
taking them?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey! I’m an (does the quote-marks thing as well) actor too! I’m
|
||
not sure. I think they’re taking the ferry out to some Italian place on Staten
|
||
Island.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> A ferry? My baby is going on a ferry? Do you have any idea how dangerous
|
||
those are?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Are we talking about one of those big boats that carry cars that go like
|
||
five miles an hour?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Why don’t they just jump out of an airplane?! Huh?! That-that’s
|
||
a fun date! Or burn each other with matches?! That’s fun too! Whew!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(There’s a knock on the door and Joey answers it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kash:</b> Hey Joey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Kash. Uh hey-hey this is Ross. Ross, this is Kash.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kash:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi. I-I hear you’re going on a ferry tonight.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kash:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> A bit of a daredevil are we?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering from her room) Hey guys do you think this is too
|
||
slutty—Hi Kash!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kash:</b> Hey Rachel! You ready to go?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah! All right, I’ll see you guys later.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay. Have a great time you guys.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thank you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kash:</b> Thank you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes it is too slutty! (Joey slams the door before Rachel could hear the
|
||
entire sentence.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is reading a magazine as Tim enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tim:</b> (walks behind Phoebe) Hi! (And startles her.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tim:</b> Oh, I’m so glad you called. I feel like it’s always me calling
|
||
you. So, what’s up? Is everything okay with Phoebe?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It will be…in a minute. Listen, Tim you’re a really great guy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tim:</b> It’s because I’m with you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Aw. (Phoebe gets a bad taste in her mouth when he looks away) I’m
|
||
just—I’m in a place in my life right now where I…I…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Tim’s beeper goes off and he answers it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tim:</b> Whoops. Sorry. (Looking at it, like a newscaster) This just in. (Phoebe
|
||
fake laughs.) Oh, it’s 9-1-1 from the restaurant, that means Monica needs me right
|
||
away. (Starts to leave.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh-oh no she doesn’t! I know what that is. You can stay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tim:</b> Awww, I’ll miss you too Pheebs. (Starts to leave) And I will be
|
||
holding you, right here. (Holds his hands over his heart, blows a kiss to Phoebe who
|
||
catches it, and then leaves and Phoebe throws the kiss back.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are having dinner.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So what movie do you want to see—And not another one I have to read.
|
||
Okay? I get enough of that from books.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Books?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, car magazines, cereal boxes, but it’s like <b>enough</b>!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I tell you what. Why don’t we uh, why don’t we just stay
|
||
here? Let’s not see a movie, we’ll just hang.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> And just wait for Rachel to come back from her date?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, if that’s what you want to do I’m not gonna say no.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Dude! What is going on?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I just…I have to find out how it went.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> This guy could be my baby’s stepfather!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> They go on one date and you’re worried about them getting married?!
|
||
He’s not you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I just—I-I can’t believe she’s-she’s dating?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well Ross, what did you think she was gonna do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I don’t know! I guess I just can’t believe any of this is
|
||
happening.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What do you mean?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> It’s just I always thought when I had <b>another</b> kid it would be
|
||
different. Now I-I love Ben, but every time I have to drop him off at Carol and
|
||
Susan’s, it’s like—It breaks my heart a little. I mean I’ve always had
|
||
this picture of me and my next wife in bed on Sunday and, my kid comes running in and
|
||
leaps up onto the bed. And we all read the paper together. Y’know? Maybe fight over
|
||
the science section.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> That’s a nice picture. Maybe you can still have that!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No! No I can’t. I mean Rachel’s out with some guy. My baby went
|
||
with her. If anything that picture keeps moving further away.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, can I ask you something? In this, in this picture of you and your
|
||
wife, is your wife Rachel?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> It used to be. Now she doesn’t really have a face. Smokin’ body
|
||
though.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Good call. Yeah. But, the face Ross, the face isn’t Rachel.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No but ahh! How much easier would it be if it were?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I know, but I don’t think that’s what she wants.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No, it’s not what I want either. I mean I-I can’t force myself
|
||
to fall in love with her again now.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> That’s okay Ross maybe you need a new picture. Okay? It’s not
|
||
gonna be what you thought, but no matter what there’s gonna be a brand new little
|
||
baby, <b>your</b> baby. Who cares what the picture looks like?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, I tell you what. Let’s you and me go out and have some fun. Huh?
|
||
Whatever you want. Come on!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (checks his watch) We can still catch that Ukrainian film.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No, I said fun!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Outside Chandler’s Office, Chandler is just about to go into his office
|
||
when Bob calls for him from behind.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bob:</b> Hey Toby!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey Bobby.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bob:</b> It’s Bob actually. Hey, you work up here, can you tell me where this
|
||
Chandler <b>Bing</b>’s office is?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Uhh yeah. Yeah, it’s (Points down the hall) right, right down
|
||
there. (When he has Bob looking down the hall, he turns around and knocks his nameplate
|
||
off of his door.) Right there, yeah. Can I ask you why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bob:</b> I want to talk to that bastard, see what his problem is.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay Bob listen uhh, I’m the reason you didn’t get the job
|
||
up here.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bob:</b> Toby don’t.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Bob!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bob:</b> Toby! I’m not gonna let you cover for him. Anything you say right now
|
||
will just get me more upset with Chandler!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well that puts me in a difficult position.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica’s Restaurant Kitchen, Monica is waiting for Tim who enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tim:</b> I got your page, is everything okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Uh well that depends, how are things with Phoebe?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tim:</b> Oh it’s great! It’s great! Thank you so much for introducing us!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my pleasure. Okay, I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news.
|
||
(Phoebe enters.) Phoebe!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Monica!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (simultaneously) You’re fired!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (simultaneously) I’m breaking up with you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tim:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’m, I’m breaking up with you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You’re fired.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tim:</b> Why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’m sorry, I’m just—I’m…I’m just not ready
|
||
for a relationship right now.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah and-and I’m sorry too. But, well I just—I like things
|
||
done a certain way and the chemistry’s just not right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh that’s good, the chemistry thing for us too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tim:</b> Wow! Umm, okay. Umm… (To Phoebe) I-I-I realize I came on a little
|
||
strong but, it’s only because I think you’re so amazing. (To Monica) And uh, I-I
|
||
just wanna, I just wanna tell you how much I appreciate you giving me an opportunity here
|
||
because I—you’re the most talented chef I’ve ever worked for. Anyway…
|
||
(Starts to leave and Phoebe and Monica trade looks.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Tim wait!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tim:</b> Yeah?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Umm, I think I spoke too quickly. There-there’s a learning curve
|
||
with this job and maybe we can try it again.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tim:</b> Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tim:</b> Thank you so much! ‘Cause I-I know I can do better!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They both look at Phoebe.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> And Tim I just wanna say, good luck here. (Shakes his hand and leaves,
|
||
which disgusts Monica.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: A Street, Ross is walking past a newsstand and sees Rachel.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hello.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, how was the date?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well I’m alone and I just bought fifteen dollars worth of candy
|
||
bars, what do you think?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh-huh. What happened?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I made the mistake of telling him that I was pregnant.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ah, he didn’t uh, take it so well?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well better than you, but y’know still not what you want.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> He got all weird and sputtery and then he said uh, "Yeah, I hear
|
||
those hemorrhoids are a bitch."</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> He sounds swell.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Doesn’t he?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, wanna…wanna a little cheering up?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Sit down. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They sit on some front steps.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Guess whose middle name is Muriel.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (thinks then gasps) Chandler M. Bing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah-ha!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God. (Laughs)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m sorry about your date.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh it’s all right. I’m guess I’m just done with the whole
|
||
dating thing. It’s one more thing in my life that’s suddenly completely
|
||
different. This is hard.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah I know. (Pause) On the other hand in um, in about seven months
|
||
you’re gonna have something that you’re gonna love more than any guy you’ve
|
||
ever gone out with. Just wait. Wait until uh, wait until the first time your baby grabs
|
||
your finger. You have no idea.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thanks sweetie.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You wanna, you wanna grab some coffee?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh no, I think I’m gonna go home and eat ten candy bars.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, I thought I cheered you up.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh you did, there are twenty in here.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Right. Good night.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Good night.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He kisses her on the cheek and heads to Central Perk.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is entering and Mona from the wedding recognizes him.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Ross?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Hey it’s Mona! From the wedding.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Wow! Uh…how are you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> I’m good except umm, you still owe me a dance.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh that’s right. Well uh, would you be interested in seeing a
|
||
Ukrainian film?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> (laughs then stops) Oh you’re serious. Sure!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Great! Well umm…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross continues to talk to her as the camera pans to show Rachel standing in the
|
||
doorway.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> I think I might need one more cup of coffee.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Sure! Uh, let me get it for ya.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel watches that and slowly backs out to head for home.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Dedicated to the Memory of Richard L. Cox, Sr.</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler’s Office, Bob is ransacking Chandler’s office.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering) Bob. Bob! Bob!!! (He turns around) What the hell are you
|
||
doing?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bob:</b> I just found out this is Chandler’s office! Come on Toby, give me a
|
||
hand!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He thinks about it and decides to join in by turning over a chair and continue
|
||
ransacking the place.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |