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<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season4/418dress.htm -->
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<title>The One With Rachel's New Dress</title>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With Rachel’s New Dress</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Teleplay by: Jill Condon & Amy Toomin<br>
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Story by: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are there as Phoebe enters carrying a drum.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey! Wow, it <b>is</b> true what they say, pregnant bellies look like
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a drum.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (not amused) Ha-ha. (She sits down on the couch.) No, it’s just
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I’m so pregnant that I—my guitar doesn’t fit anymore. So I thought
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‘til I’m not, I’m just gonna play all my songs on this drum. It sounds <b>really</b>
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cool!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Listen. Listen. (She starts to play and sing.) <i>Smelly cat, smelly
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cat, what are they feeding you? </i></p><i>
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</i>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Wow, Pheebs! That sounds great!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I know! I know, and I’ve only been playing for like an hour!</p>
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<p><b>Alice:</b> (entering) Phoebe! Phoebe! Hi! Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey! What are you doing here?</p>
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<p><b>Alice:</b> Umm, actually, I came down to ask you a big favour.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, well, don’t tell me you want to keep more of your stuff in my
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uterus.</p>
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<p><b>Alice:</b> (laughs) No. No. No. (Sits down.) Okay, now, see, I wanna name the girl
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baby Leslie, and Frank wants to name one of the boy babies Frank JR. JR. </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Wouldn’t that be Frank the III?</p>
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<p><b>Alice:</b> Don’t get me started. (To Phoebe) Anyway, umm, since there are three
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babies and umm, we both got to put our names in, we would be truly honoured if you named
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the other boy baby.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wow! That’s so great! Oh! Oh! Cougar.</p>
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<p><b>Alice:</b> You think about it. (Leaves)</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Ross’s apartment, he and Emily are getting ready to go to the airport.]</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> I left a bra drying on the shower rod, you don’t think your son will
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think it’s yours and be horribly traumatised? </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, if mommy can have a wife, daddy can have a bra.</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> (checks the clock) Ohh, it’s time to go.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, no-no-no, see, that-that clock’s a little fast, uh, we have 17
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minutes. Huh, what can we do in 17 minutes? Twice?</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> Well that’s ambitious.</p>
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<p>(They kiss but are interrupted by a knock on the door.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, uh, you can ignore that.</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> That’s Carol with your son!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uhh, believe me when he’s older, he’ll understand.</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> (knocking on the door) Ross!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I’ll be right there. (He goes over and opens the door to Carol,
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Susan, and Ben.) (To Ben.) Hello! (To Carol.) Hello! (To Susan.) Hey. Uhh, Emily, this is
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Carol and Susan.</p>
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<p><b>Susan:</b> Hey, it’s so nice to finally meet you!</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> Me too!</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> Ohh, y’know, Susan’s gonna be shooting a commercial in London
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next week.</p>
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<p><b>Susan:</b> Oh yeah, I’m so excited, I’ve never been there.</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> Oh, well, I’ll show you around.</p>
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<p><b>Susan:</b> That would be great! Also, uh, I was hoping to catch a show so if you can
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make any suggestions…</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> Oh, there’s tonnes of terrific stuff—I’ll go with you!</p>
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<p><b>Susan:</b> Ahh!</p>
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<p>(Ross accidentally, on purpose, bumps into Susan.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Look at you two, bonding, making us late for the airport so…</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> Are you all right?</p>
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<p><b>Susan:</b> Oh, he’s fine. He’s fine. It’s just that us getting along
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is difficult for him, because he doesn’t like me.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh come on! That’s-that’s… true.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are playing
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foosball as Phoebe enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey! Do we have a baby name yet?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ugh! No! This is so hard! I went through this whole book (Holds up a
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book) and found nothing! I want a name that’s really like, y’know strong and
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confident, y’know? Like-like Exxon. </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, it certainly worked for that Valdez kid.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ooh-ooh, Pheebs, you want a strong name? How about, The Hulk?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, I’m-I’m not sure about Hulk, but I like the idea of a name
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starting with "The."</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, want a good name, go with Joey. Joey’s your pal. Joey’s your
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buddy. "Where is everybody?" "Well, they’re hanging out with
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Joey."</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, y’know what, if you’re gonna do that, if you’re
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gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. (Phoebe doesn’t think so.) Oh,
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come on! Chandler’s funny, sophisticated, and he’s very loveable, once you get
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to know him.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh well, hey, Joey’s loveable too! But the thing about Joey is, if
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you need him, he’ll be there.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, Chandler will be there for you too. I mean, well, he might be a
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little late, but-but, he’ll be there. And he’ll bring you some cold soda, if
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want you need him for is that you’re really hot.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What do ya say? What do ya say?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, I, I like the idea of naming him after someone I love, and Joey
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and Chandler are great names. (They both stare at her.) But, all right, I
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don’t—maybe I’ll just name him The Hulk.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I knew I shouldn’t have mentioned it! That’s what I wanted to
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name my kid!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Monica is cooking and Rachel is
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getting ready for a date with Joshua.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey, Mon, if you were hoping to sleep with Joshua the first time
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tonight, which one of these would you want to be wearing. (She’s holding two frilly,
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lace nighties.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Y’know what? It <b>really</b> creeps me out choosing other
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people’s sex clothes.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Sorry. I’m so exited! I’ve been waiting for this for months! I
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got my hair coloured! I got new sheets! I’m making him a <b>very</b> fancy meal. </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Um-hmm.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What am I making him by the way?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, you’re making him a frieze salad with goat cheese and pine
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nuts, wild nuts, wild rice, roast asparagus, and salmon au croup.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I thought I was making him filet mignon? </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, you were, but you decided to make salmon because you had some left
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over at the restaurant. And then you realised if you (Points at Rachel) bitched about it,
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then you (Points to herself) would stop cooking, and you (Points at Rachel) would have to
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make your famous baked potato and Diet Coke.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wow, I really get crabby when I cook.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe are
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there as Ross enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> So uh, Emily called last night…</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> And <b>now</b> you’re giving me the message!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Turns out them Emily is just <b>crazy</b> about Susan. Yeah, they’re
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going to the theatre together! They’re going to dinner! They’re going horseback
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riding!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> God, Susan is so fun!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Look, this is just a little too familiar, okay? For like, for like six
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months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was: "My friend Susan is so smart. My
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friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great."</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, they’re going to the gym together! Two women! Stretching!
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Y’know they-they take a steam together! Things get a little playful—didn’t
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you see <i>Personal Best</i>?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No, but I’m gonna!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi! Hi! You’re crazy! Okay? This is Emily. Emily is straight.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> How do you know? I mean we thought Carol was straight before I married
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her!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, I definitely. I don’t like the name Ross.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What a weird way to kick me when I’m down.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No! No! I-I meant for the baby!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh. What’s wrong with Ross?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, it’s just y’know that something like this would never to
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like The Hulk, y’know…</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Actually that-that’s not true, in <i>The Incredible Hulk</i> uh, No.
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72, Dr. Bruce Banner found… (Sees everyone staring at him and stops.) Y’know,
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ugh, nevermind, my girlfriend’s a lesbian. (Leaves.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So, I decided I’m definitely going to go with either Joey or
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Chandler.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh! Oh-oh, you gotta pick Joey! I mean, name one famous person named
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Chandler.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Raymond Chandler.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Someone you didn’t make up!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, there are <b>no</b> famous Joey’s. Except for, huh, Joey
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Buttafucco.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, that guy really hurt us.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, how about a compromise then, okay? What if it’s like
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y’know, Chanoey?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, look, Joey! Come on, think about it, first of all, he’ll
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never be President. There’s never gonna be a President Joey.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right look man, I didn’t want to bring this up, but Chandler, is
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the stupidest name I ever heard in my life! It’s not even a name; it’s barely
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even a word. Okay? It’s kinda like chandelier, but it’s not! All right?
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It’s a stupid, stupid <b>non</b>-name!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Wow, you’re, you’re right. I have a horrible, horrible name.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I’m sorry man, I didn’t—I’m-I’m sorry. I’m
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sorry. (Goes over and comforts him.) </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> So I guess it’s Joey then!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's erm, Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is on her dinner date with
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Joshua.]</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> This is so nice. Thank you for doing this.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, please! Cooking soothes me. (They kiss.) Ahh. So, dig in!</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Great! Oh, it all looks sooo good!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (taking a bite) Hmmm!</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Oh my God!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh I know, my God, this is so—this rice is so—I am so good.</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Behind you?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (sees the chick and the duck) Oh, yeah, I’m sorry. They used to
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live here; sometimes they migrate back over.</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> (getting up and backing away from they.) Is there ah, is there some way
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they can not be here. It’s just ah, farm birds really kinda freak me out!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, sure, okay. Okay.</p>
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<p>(Rachel gets up and ushers them into the hall, as they pass Joshua, he leaps onto the
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counter to avoid them. Rachel drops them off in the hall, and knocks on Joey’s door.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (answering the door.) Hey, how did you do that?! Come on in. (He brings
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them inside.)</p>
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<p>[Cut back to Rachel’s date.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> All gone! So, farm birds, huh?</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Yeah, it’s-it’s my only weird thing, I swear. And I-I-I
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would’ve told you about it, but I didn’t know they would be here.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh.</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> So, all right.</p>
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<p>(They both sit back down.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. So, can I serve you a little of—What? What? What? (She sees
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that Joshua isn’t relaxed.)</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Nothing I uh, it’s just that I know that they’re still out
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there.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> But, they’re across the hall! I mean that’s two doors away, it
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would take them a long time to peck their way back over here.</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Okay, that’s-that’s not funny. Uhh.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, y’know, would you feel better if we went someplace else? I
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mean we could pack all this stuff up and y’know go to your apartment.</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Oh, they’re working on this week, it’s a total mess. But uh,
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I’m staying at my parents’ house, we could go there.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Your parents’?</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Yeah, they’re out of town.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh.</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Yeah-yeah, it’s this <b>huge</b> place, and-and it’s got this
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gorgeous view of the park, and very, very romantic. What do you say?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah that works.</p>
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<p>(He moves to kiss her, but stops when he hears the duck.)</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> They-they-they can smell fear.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Ross’s apartment, Carol has come to pick up Ben.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (opening the door.) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> Hey! How’s Ben?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I asked him if he wanted to eat, he said, "No." I asked
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him if he wanted to sleep, he said, "No." I asked him what he wanted to do, he
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said, "No." So, he’s sweeping. (We see Ben playing with a broom and a
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dustpan.)</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> Hey, Ben! Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> So umm, any word from Susan?</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> Ooh, yeah! She said she’s having sooo much fun with Emily.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh, by the by, did it uh, did it ever occur to you that, I
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don’t know, maybe they might be having a little too much fun?</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> What’s too much fun?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Y’know, the kind of fun, you and Susan had when we were married.</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> Oh my God, you are <b>so</b> paranoid! </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Am I?!</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> Yes!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> <b>Am I</b>?!</p>
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<p><b>Carol:</b> I can’t speak for Emily, but <b>Susan</b> is in a loving, committed
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relationship.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh-huh, Carol, so were we. All right, just-just imagine for a moment,
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Susan meets someone and-and they really hit it off. Y’know? Say-say they’re
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coming back from the theatre, and they-they stop at a pub for a couple of drinks,
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they’re laughing, y’know, someone innocently touches someone else…
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There’s electricity, it’s new. It’s exciting. Are you telling me there
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isn’t even the slightest possibility of something happening?</p>
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||
|
||
<p><b>Carol:</b> Maybe.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> OH MY GOD!! I didn’t really believe it until you just said it!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joshua’s parents’ apartment, Rachel and Joshua are entering.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> …and even though none of the other kids believed me, I swear to
|
||
God, that duck pushed me!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wow! This place is fabulous!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Yeah, yeah, let me show you around. This is the uh, downstairs living
|
||
room.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Whoa-whoa, there’s two living rooms? God, growing up here, this
|
||
place must’ve been a real babe magnet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Yeah, well, it would’ve been, but uh, my parents just moved here.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, you should know, this place is a real babe magnet. Wanna make out?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They kiss.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Hey, here’s an idea. Why don’t uh, I put the food in the
|
||
fridge and we can eat it later?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> That sounds like a plan. Umm, is there a place I can go freshen up?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Oh yeah, yeah uh, it’s down the hall and uh, second door to your
|
||
left.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She goes down the hall. Joshua goes to put the food away when his parents walk in.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Burgin:</b> Oh, hi, darling!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Mom, Dad, what are you guys doing here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Burgin:</b> Oh, well we cut the trip short.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Burgin:</b> France sucks!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Umm, this may be a little weird, but I-I-I got a date here.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Burgin:</b> Oh, say no more!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Burgin:</b> We’ll just grab some food and take it with us right upstairs,
|
||
and we’ll be right out of you hair.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Oh, that-that would be great. So you didn’t even get to Italy?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Burgin:</b> Yep, sucks!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They all go into the kitchen. Just then, Rachel comes back from the bathroom; she had
|
||
removed her dress and is wearing nothing but a lace nightie. She tries to find someplace
|
||
seductive to wait for Joshua. She tries to sit on the piano, but it makes too much noise.
|
||
So she goes over to the couch and kinda half lays down to wait for Joshua. Joshua comes in
|
||
from the kitchen, sees Rachel, and freezes.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know, I can do more than cook.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Just then, his parents enter. Rachel gasps.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Burgin:</b> I like her. She sees smart.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joshua’s parents’ apartment, continued from earlier.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Uhh, Rachel, my parents…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh! It’s so nice to meet you. (She goes over and shakes their
|
||
hands.) Hello. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Burgin:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hello.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Burgin:</b> Hello. Well, Joshua, that $500 was for groceries.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What? This-this, no, oh no, no-no-no, this is
|
||
not—that’s-that’s not what it is. See, see, okay, I work in fashion, see
|
||
and-and, this is a real dress actually. It’s-it’s, they’re-they’re
|
||
wearing it in Milan, so part of my job is too wear the clothes, and then I see how people
|
||
respond, and then I report back to my superiors at <i>Bloomingdale’s</i>, so…
|
||
And obviously in uh, in-in this case, (She grabs a pen and paper) I am going to report
|
||
back, "USA not ready."</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mrs. Burgin:</b> Maybe in L.A?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> There you go.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Burgin:</b> So, have you kids eaten yet?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, we were going to do that after—I mean umm, next.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Burgin:</b> Well, we’re starving, why don’t we all go get something to
|
||
eat?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, yeah, well… Yeah, no use wasting this baby, just lyin’
|
||
around the house. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Burgin:</b> So… We go eat.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Burgin:</b> You’ll wear that. We’ll be eating, and of course,
|
||
you’ll be wearing that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is looking for a new
|
||
name in Phoebe’s book of names.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Dude, I am sorry about what I said!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, no, you’re right, it is a ridiculous name!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> It’s not that bad.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes it is! From now on, I have no first name.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So, you’re just Bing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I have no name.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right, so, what are we supposed to call you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay uh, for now, temporarily, you can call me, Clint.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No way are you cool enough to pull of Clint.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, so what name am I cool enough to pull off?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, Gene.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> It’s Clint. It’s Clint! (He heads for his bedroom.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> See you later, Gene.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Bye, Gene.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> It’s Clint! <b>Clint</b>!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What’s up with Gene?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is telling Phoebe and Monica of her date.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So, you wore your nightie to dinner?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, yeah. And uh, the best part though, when the uh, waiter spilled
|
||
water down my back, I jumped up, and my boob popped out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, no!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, it’s all right. I got nice boobs. (Phoebe and Monica nod there
|
||
heads in agreement.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (returning from the phone.) So, I just picked up a message from Emily, she
|
||
and Susan are going to a poetry reading together! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> So?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> So! Poetry? Susan’s gay! They’re being gay together!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Emily’s straight.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, wake up!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wow, Carol really messed you up!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Excuse me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, she turned you into this-this-this untrusting, crazy, jealous,
|
||
sycophant. (They all look at her.) All right, so I don’t know what sycophant means,
|
||
but the rest is right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about, I am not a crazy,
|
||
jealous person.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Huh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> She’s totally right! When we were together, you got all freaked out
|
||
about Mark and there was nothing going on.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> This totally makes sense!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> It does not!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, sure it does! In high school, you weren’t jealous at all even
|
||
though <b>all</b> your girlfriends were cheating on you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right, all right, so up until ‘92-93 he was very trusting, then
|
||
’94 hit, Carol left him and bamn! Paranoid city!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Absolutely! Absolutely!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> This is so much fun!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> This is <b>not</b> fun!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Look, all we’re trying to say is, don’t let what happened with
|
||
Carol ruin what you got with Emily.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah. The ’92 Ross wouldn’t.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I still think I was right about that whole Mark thing.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What—yeah—what, y’know what? I hope Emily <b>is</b> a
|
||
lesbian.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Phoebe is showing off more of her
|
||
drum skills to Joey by rubbing one of the sticks back and forth across the drum.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Drum roll.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering) Okay. Okay. All right. Help! Am I a Mark, or a John?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Nah, you’re not tall enough to be a Mark, but you might make a good
|
||
Barney.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right look, am I serious, okay? Tomorrow at 3:30 I am going down
|
||
to the courthouse.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You’re actually going through with this?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, look, this name has been holding me back my entire life. Okay,
|
||
it’s probably why kids picked on me in school, and why I never do well with
|
||
women… So, as of 4 o’clock tomorrow, I’m either gonna be Mark Johnson or
|
||
John Markson.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You got problems because of you! Not your name! All right, this has got
|
||
to stop! Chandler is a great name! In fact—yes, (To Joey) I’m, I’m sorry. I
|
||
know you really wanted me to name the baby Joey, but eh, so, I’m-I’m, I’m
|
||
gonna, I’m gonna name the baby Chandler.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (pleased) Really?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, but you have to keep the name too!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay. Thanks.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You wanna hug it out?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They both hug.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yay! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yay! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yay—oh—yay! Okay, I gotta go tell Frank and Alice! Right now!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, uh… (She grabs her coat and runs out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Bye, Pheebs!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, bye! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She exits, and after the door is closed, Chandler turns to Joey and…)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ha! Ha! Ha!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ohh! (Realises it was all a trick to get Phoebe to name the baby
|
||
Chandler.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Airport, Carol and Ross are waiting for Emily and Susan to deplane. A
|
||
gorgeous woman walks by and they both turn to watch her go.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Nice luggage.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Carol:</b> I was gonna say…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Susan and Emily get off.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Susan:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They both run and hug they’re respective partners.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> Hey! I missed you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, I missed you too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Susan:</b> (To Emily) Thanks for everything, I had such a great time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> Oh, so did I.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They hug and give each other a little peck on the cheek.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (To Carol) No tongue. (And gives her the thumbs up.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |