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<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season7/702towrb.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With Rachel’s Book</title>
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<meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 4.0">
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<meta name="Template" content="C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\Templates\FRIENDS.dot">
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With Rachel’s Book</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, everyone is there having breakfast and Joey
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enters carrying a loaf of bread.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Who wants French toast?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, I’ll have some!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Good, me too. (Tosses him the loaf.) Eggs and milk are in the fridge.
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Thanks.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering from her room) Oww!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What’s the matter honey?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I don’t know, my hand feels weird. I guess it’s because,
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I’m engaged! (Shows off the ring.) How long before it starts getting annoying?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It starts?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, so let’s get started on the wedding plans!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay! (Runs off.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (incredulous) Already?!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, we got a lot to do! We gotta think about the flowers, the
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caterers, the music…</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, I got some thoughts on that.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh wait Chandler, too many cooks…</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Take it from me, as the groom all you have to do is show up and try to say
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the right name.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (returning) Okay! (Sets down a huge 3" 3-ring binder on the table.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What in God’s name is that?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh my God, the wedding book?! I haven’t seen that since the forth
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grade!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> This baby has got everything. Take y’know, locations for instance.
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(She opens up the binder to the locations chapter.) First, organized alphabetically, then
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geographically, then by square footage. </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That is so smart! (To Chandler, under her breath) Break it off. Break it
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off now.</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: A Classroom, Ross is giving a lecture.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> And <b>that</b> should conclusively prove that <b>I</b> had the idea for <i>Jurassic
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Park</i> first! Now let’s take a look at… (Phoebe rushes in.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey! Ross!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Phoebe, oh my God! Wh-wh-what are you doing here?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I need to talk to you, it’s pretty urgent. It’s about Monica
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and Chandler.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh my God! Of course, of course. (To the class.) Umm, would you please
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excuse me for a moment? Umm, do you know each other’s hometowns? Why don’t
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you… (Motions that they should learn everyone’s hometown.) (To Phoebe)
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Wh-what’s going on?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, umm, not much. But, I was just thinking that since those guys just
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got engaged that maybe it would be nice if they had some privacy, y’know? So, could I
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just move in with you for a couple days?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Umm, okay, yeah, sure. But wh-what’s wrong with Monica and Chandler?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Nothing—Why?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Phoebe, you said it was urgent!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh yeah it is! I’m going to the movies and it starts in like five
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minutes.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Do you realize I have a classroom full of students?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (to the students) Oh, I’m sorry. I’m so rude. Does anyone want
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to come to the movies?</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Rachel and Monica are pretty much telling
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Chandler what the wedding plans are.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, so I haven’t cleared the budget with my parents yet, but
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tell me how this is for music.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> All right umm, a string quartet for the procession.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Aw.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> A jazz trio for cocktails. The <i>Bay City Rollers</i> for dancing.
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Wait, that was from my sixth grade wedding.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, you couldn’t get them anyway. Ian doesn’t
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play anymore
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and Derrick… (Off of Rachel and Monica’s looks) And Derrick is a name I
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shouldn’t know.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (sitting up from the couch) Hey Mon, do you have another pillow? (Holds up
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one.) Y’know, something a little snugglyer?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why are you napping over here instead of over at your place?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, the duck…</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?! The duck?! What the hell did the damn duck do now?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh, well he did <b>not</b> get sick somewhere in there and it was
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immediately found and properly cleaned up!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Now, do I get to look at this book or is it just for people who are
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actually <b>involved</b> in the wedding?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Of course you can look at it! Yeah, I want your opinion too!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Here you go! What do you think about centerpieces?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Centerpieces!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah! Roses or Lilies? (Holds up a picture of each.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Definitely roses. (Monica and Rachel exchange a look.) Well, I just
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think they’re a little more weddingy. (Monica holds the Lily picture closer to him.)
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But Lilies are the clear choice.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God! It’s like one mind.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Uh-huh!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (sitting up again) Guys! Guys!! You <b>gotta</b> let me nap! Ugh, I’m
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gonna get cranky!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey, there is a perfectly good couch across the hall!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yes it is perfectly good, and it is <b>not</b> one of the places the duck
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got sick!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, I’m gonna go! (Gets up and heads for the door.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Now Joey, what did the duck do?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I don’t know! But he did <b>not</b> eat your face cream!</p>
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<p>[Cut to Joey and Rachel’s, Joey enters and heads for his bedroom. He pushes open
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the door to find the duck.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey little buddy, how are you feeling? (The duck does <b>not</b> get sick
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and Joey recoils in horror and heads for the couch.) What the hell is in that face cream?
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(He’s about to try out the couch but notices the bed in Rachel’s room. He walks
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into her room and feels the bed.) That’s so soft. (He pulls back the comforter.)
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Pillowcases! (He climbs in and groans in delight. Suddenly, he feels something under him
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and pulls out a little beat up paperback book. He opens it and starts to read from it.)
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(In his head.) <i>Zelda looked at the chimney sweep. Her father, the vicar…</i>(Stops
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reading and thinks.) <i>The vicar? </i>(Continues reading) <i>…wouldn’t be home
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for hours. Her loins were burning. She threw caution to the wind and reached out and
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grabbed his…</i>(Out loud.) Whoa! (Reads on in silence.) Whoa-ho-ho-ho! This is a
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dirty book! (Continues to read.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Ross’s apartment, Phoebe has moved in and has a massage client on
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the table she’s set up in the living room. Ross enters and is shocked to see a naked man
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lying on the table.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh, Phoebe…</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh Ross, hi.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Phoebe, what are you doing?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’m sorry, I’m with a client right now.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Phoebe!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, let’s talk outside.</p>
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<p>(They go into the hall.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Phoebe, you can’t massage people in my apartment!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What’s the big deal? I did it at Monica and Chandler’s!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> And they knew about it?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (pause as she considers it) Okay, well Ross, what is this really about?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Look, this is my home and I want to be able to come and go whenever I
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want!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, I will find someplace else to do the rest of my appointments. I
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just don’t know what the big deal is!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> The big deal is I don’t want naked, greasy strangers in my apartment
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when I want to kick back with a puzzle—beer! Cold beer.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is sweeping up as Rachel enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey Joey, what ‘cha doing?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Sweepin’. Why? Turn you on?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Huh. What if I was sweeping a chimney?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey, did <b>you</b> eat my face cream?</p>
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<p>(She walks into her bedroom.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Where are you going? The vicar won’t be home for hours.</p>
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<p>(She comes back out.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey, (nervously) where did you learn that word?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Where do you think, (pause) Zelda?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (gasps) You found my book?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah I did!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey, what-what are you doing going into my bedroom?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, look I’m sorry, I went in there to take a nap and I know I
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shouldn’t have, but you got porn!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey-hey, y’know what? I don’t care! I’m not ashamed of my
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book. There’s nothing wrong with a woman enjoying a little…erotica. It’s just a
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healthy expression of female sexuality, which by the way, you will never understand. (She
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goes into her room.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> You got porn!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is coming out of the living room carrying his salad and
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a puzzle—beer! Cold beer. And he decides to fold up Phoebe’s massage table, but
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being Ross has trouble with it as there is a knock on the door. He sets the table back up
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and opens the door to reveal a beautiful woman.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hello.</p>
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<p><b>Woman:</b> Hi, is uh Phoebe here?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh no-no, she-she’s out for the night.</p>
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<p><b>Woman:</b> Ohh great.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Can I, can I help you with something?</p>
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<p><b>Woman:</b> Well, I don’t know. Are you a masseur?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (deadpan) Yes I am.</p>
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<p><b>Woman:</b> Great! (Calls down the hall) Dad! (Her old father walks in.) Thank you so
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much, I’ll be back to pick him up in an hour. (She walks away.) </p>
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<p>(Ross isn’t happy and closes the door slowly.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are having dinner with her parents.]</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> So Chandler, your parents must’ve been thrilled when
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you told them you were engaged.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yeah, I should probably call them.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> I remember when we first got engaged.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, I don’t think I ever heard that story.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh dad, really you don’t need to…</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> (ignoring her) Well, I’d gotten Judy pregnant. I still
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don’t know how that happened.</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> (incredulous) You don’t know how that happened?! Your dog
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thought my diaphragm was a chew toy!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What a sweet story.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, at least you’re not hearing it for the first time at your
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fifth grade Halloween party.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> What?! They wanted a scary story!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Anyway, we’re really excited about our wedding plans, and well I
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guess pretty soon we’ll be making a big withdrawal from the Monica wedding fund.
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(She and Chandler laugh, but her parents don’t.) What?</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> You tell her Jack, I can’t do it.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What happened? You still have the Monica wedding fund don’t you?</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> We have it. Only now, we call it the beach house.</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: A Restaurant, scene continued from before the break.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I don’t believe you spent my wedding fund on the beach house!</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> We’re sorry honey, but we just assumed if you got married
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after you turned 30 you’d pay for it yourself.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You bought the beach house when I was 23!</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> Which means you had seven years of beach fun and you can’t put
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a price on that sweetie.</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> We really do feel bad about this though.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> We started saving again when you were dating Richard and then that
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went to hell, so we redid the kitchen.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What about when I started dating Chandler?</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> Well it was Chandler! We didn’t think <b>he’d</b> ever
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propose!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Clearly I did not start drinking enough at the start of the meal.
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(Starts to make up for lost time and takes a big swig of his drink.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I can’t believe it! That there is <b>no</b> money for my wedding?!</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> We <b>might</b> still have some money, if your father didn’t
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think it was a good idea to sell ice over the Internet.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> It seemed like such a simple idea.</p>
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<p><b>Mrs. Geller:</b> Stupid Jack, the word is stupid.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Geller:</b> All right, enough! I don’t want to hear about it anymore!
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(Under his breath) Good luck, Chandler. (Chandler takes another drink.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Ross's apartment, his massage client is on the table and Ross is reluctantly
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starting his massage. He spreads some lotion in his hands, and doesn’t like it.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay! Now, I’m going to touch you. (He does so, very gingerly.) Ohh,
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that’s soft. (He starts poking him and notices his salad spoons and starts to massage
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him with those.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning from dinner,
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Rachel is already there.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I can’t believe this. Do you think that your parents could help pay
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for it?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don’t know, my mother spent most of her money on her fourth
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wedding. She’s saving the rest for her divorce. And any extra cash my father has he
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saves for his yearly trips to (Pause) <i>Dollywood</i>.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well what happened at dinner?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> My parents spent the money for our wedding!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (gasps) My God! What did you order?!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wait, but there’s no money! Well this is terrible! You guys are
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gonna have to get married in like a, rec. center!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Honey, it’s gonna be okay.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No! No it’s not! It’s not gonna be okay! It sucks! No swing
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band! No lilies!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, y’know what? It’s gonna be okay. I mean you don’t
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have to have this rustic Italian feast. Y’know? And-and you don’t need, you
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don’t need this custom-made, empire-waisted, duchess, satin gown; you can wear off
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the rack. (She starts to cry, as does Monica.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, it really is gonna be okay. The important thing is that we love
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each other and that we’re gonna get married.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Do you even understand what off the rack means?!</p>
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|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Look, why don’t you just pay for it yourself?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> How? I don’t have any money.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I have some.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> How much?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, close to… (Notices Rachel leaning in to hear and decides to
|
||
write it on a piece of paper and hand it to Monica as Phoebe averts her eyes.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Whoa!!! Are you kidding me?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well what?! How-how much is it?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> It’s enough for wedding scenario eight.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh! (Whispers.) Really?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (To Chandler) How great are you, you little saver?! I mean, the-the
|
||
amount you have is <b>exactly</b> the budget of my dream wedding!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (starting to cry) Ohh, you guys are so made for each other.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, you’re not suggesting that we spend all of the money on the
|
||
wedding?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel and <b>Monica:</b></b> Ah, yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, come on, I’ve been saving this money for six years and I
|
||
kinda had some of it earmarked for the future, not just for a party.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (reading the slip of paper) Wow! (In a sultry voice) Hello, Mr.
|
||
Chandler.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> This is the most special day of our lives.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, I realize that honey, but I’m not gonna spend all of the
|
||
money on one party.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Honey, umm I-I love you, (laughs) but umm, if you call our wedding a
|
||
party one more time, you may not get invited. Okay? (Laughs) Listen, we could <b>always</b>
|
||
earn more money, okay? But uh, we’re only gonna get married once.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, I understand, but I have to put my foot down. Okay? The answer
|
||
is no.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You-you’re gonna have to put your foot down?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, I am!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wow, money and a firm hand. Finally a Chandler I can get on board with.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are there as Rachel enters and sees Joey sitting
|
||
there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Rach.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (quietly) Joey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Rach, do you smell smoke?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh-huh, I get it, smoke, chimney, chimney sweep, very funny, ha-ha.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No-no-no, I’m serious. You don’t smell it? Something’s on
|
||
fire.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well no, I don’t smell anything.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, y’know what? It’s probably just your burnin’ loins.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (sitting down) Hey, what are you guys, what are you guys talking about?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Nothing!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (takes a drink) Damn, this coffee’s cold! Hey Rach, do you mind if I
|
||
heat this up on your loins? (Joey and he both laugh.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Y’know, I can not believe you told him, Joey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> So I guess you bought that book after we broke up huh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh-huh, yeah I did, because I wore out my first copy when I was with
|
||
you. (Exits.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (chases her) Oh yeah, yeah? Well uh, when we were going out, I read tons
|
||
of porno magazines! (Realizes a table of women overheard him.) (To that table.) ‘Sup?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering) Ross! How could you do that to an old man?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (looking at the table) Excuse me ladies. (To Phoebe) I’m sorry?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> My massage client, Arthur? His daughter called and said that some guy
|
||
that worked for me gave him a really weird massage this afternoon.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (incredulous) I gave him an extremely professional massage!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> He said you poked at him with wooden spoons.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, so it wasn’t uh, a traditional massage. But I did give him
|
||
acu-pressure with a pair of chopsticks. And, and I gently exfoliated him with, with a
|
||
mop.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, he’s never coming back! Okay? You just cost me eight dollars
|
||
a week!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, y’know what? This is your fault! You’re the one that
|
||
didn’t move his-his appointment.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, it’s <b>my</b> fault?! You didn’t have to massage him! You
|
||
could’ve sent him away! You could’ve not rolled<i> Tonka</i> trucks up and down
|
||
his back!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> He said he liked that!! Oh you’re right, you’re right. I’m
|
||
sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Dude, what are you massaging an old man for?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> His daughter was hot.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Gotcha.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is looking at the wedding book as
|
||
Monica enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Listen umm, I’ve been thinking, it’s not fair for me to ask
|
||
you to spend all of your money on our wedding. I mean, you work, you work really hard for
|
||
that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ehh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Eh, you work for that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, I thought about it too, and I’m sorry. I think we should
|
||
spend all of the money on the wedding.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You do?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I’m putting my foot down. Yeah look, when I proposed I told
|
||
you that I would do anything to make you happy, and if having the perfect wedding makes
|
||
you happy then, then that’s what we’re gonna do.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, you’re so sweet. (They hug and kiss.) Oh, but wait, what about
|
||
our, what about the future and stuff?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Eh, forget about the future and stuff! So we only have two kids,
|
||
y’know? We’ll pick our favorite and <b>that</b> one will get to go to college.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You thought about that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> How many kids were we gonna have?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Uh, four, a boy, twin girls and another boy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What else did you think about?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, stuff like where’d we live, y’know? Like a small place
|
||
outside the city, where our kids could learn to ride their bikes and stuff. Y’know,
|
||
we could have a cat that had a bell on its collar and we could hear it every time it
|
||
ran through the little kitty door. Of course, we’d have an apartment over the garage
|
||
where Joey could grow old.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (laughs) Y’know what? I-I don’t want a big, fancy wedding.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Sure you do.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No, I want everything you just said. I want a marriage.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You sure?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Uh-hmm.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I love you so much.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I love you. (They kiss.) Hey listen umm, when, when you were
|
||
talkin’ about our future you said cat, but you meant dog right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yeah, totally!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh good.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is balancing her checkbook as Joey enters from his
|
||
room wearing a hockey helmet, gloves, and shin guards.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hello, Zelda.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Who are you supposed to be?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> The vicar!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Do you even know what a vicar is?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Like a goalie, right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (sarcastically) Yeah. Look Joey, it’s enough alright?! You keep
|
||
making these stupid jokes and this sleazy innuendoes and it’s—I’m
|
||
not—it’s just not funny anymore!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, I’m sorry. Rach I—Rach I’m sorry. Okay? I’m
|
||
sorry! Maybe I can make up for it by, taking you roughly in the barn. (Giggles.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right! Y’know what? That’s it! You wanna do it?!
|
||
Let’s do it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Huh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (starting to move closer to him) That’s right, I wanna do it with
|
||
you! I’ve been trying to fight it, but you just said all the right things.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (nervously backing away) I-I-I-I did? (He puts a stool in front of her.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (moves the stool out of the way) Yeah! Ohh, I’ve been waitin’
|
||
so long to get on that body!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> This body? (He backs into the kitchen.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah that’s right! Come on Joey; sex me up!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey-hey, you’re startin’ to sound like the butcher’s wife
|
||
there in-in chapter seven.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, come on now, don’t keep me waiting. Get those clothes off! But,
|
||
I would keep that helmet on because you’re in for a <b>rough</b> ride! (He backs into
|
||
the door.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I don’t want to, I’m scared.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel walks away, pleased with herself.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |