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<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/608towrt.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With Ross's Teeth</title>
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<meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 3.0">
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<b>
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<h1 align="CENTER">The One With Ross’s Teeth</h1>
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</b>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Perry Rein and Gigi McCreey<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:webmaster@friendsplace.com">Aaron D. Howard-Miller</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Joey and Janine’s, Chandler knocks on the front door. Joey answers the
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door.]</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Hey.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi, my name’s Chandler. I just moved in next door and I was
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wondering if you would be interested in battling me in a post-apoplectic world for control
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of the galaxies last remaining energy source?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Sure, neighbor come on in.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> So, is Janine around?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Uh, no, she’s at dance class.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Can I check out what she did to my room?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, but, hey look, don’t go through her stuff. She gets really
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mad.(Chandler gives him a look and walks to the door of his old room.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> (The room is filled with flowers and a floral print sheet on the bed.) Oh
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my God. What is th… it’s like a guy never lived in here. Look, you’ve got
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to be careful. This girl thing is dangerous. (Looking around the living room.) It’s
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spreading already.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> (Looking around the room.) It is???</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> (Picking up a pillow.) Yeah, is this your pretty pink pillow on the
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couch?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> No.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> (Pointing to the table and picking up the box.) Is that your tiny little
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box, that’s too small to put anything in?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> No.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> No! Ok, this is not good. You are a guy. Ok? This is a guys place. If you
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let this go, you’re going to be sitting around with your fingers soaking in stuff.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> (With Big Eyes.) All right, you’re right. I’ll talk to her.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes talk to her. Be a man.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> I’m a man.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Defend yourself.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> (Grunting) Hmm. (Monica opens the front door and comes in.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Chandler come on. We have to hem the new dust ruffle.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Be right there sweetums. (Monica leaves. To Joey.) A totally different
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situation.</p>
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<b>
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<p align="CENTER">Opening Credits</p>
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</b>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, The gangs all here. Monica is walking in.]</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Hey guys.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, how was your breakfast with Hillary?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> It was okay. She’s still kind of depressed because she broke up with
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her boyfriend.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Ohh, yeah.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Well, is this Hillary your HOT assistant chef Hillary?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> The one that always stares at me when I come in?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> No, the one who looked at you once because you got in her way.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Still I could tell. She was into me. (Joey rolls his eyes.) Well, why
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don’t you set us up?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, are you setting Ross up with someone? Does she have a wedding dress?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> (Walking over and Sitting down.) Hey.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Rachel?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’m, uhh, making up flyers trying to get new massage clients. So, can
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I come to Bloomingdale’s and use the copy machine.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, sure, but they might think it’s kinda weird considering I
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don’t work there anymore.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God. What happened?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> I-I, got a job at Ralph Lauren.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well that’s great! Congratulations!! (She hugs Rachel.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah. (chuckling) A year ago..</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> (Hugging her again.) You’ve lasted a whole year. Good for you.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> But, Pheebs, you can still use the copy machine where I actually work. But,
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just come by at lunch so my boss doesn’t see you. Cause Kim will just freak out and
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she already doesn’t like me very much.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> That’s weird. I don’t think my boss likes me either.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> I don’t think mine likes me either.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Maybe it’s a universal thing?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Or maybe, it’s because you’re hanging around here at 11:30 on a
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Wednesday. (Everybody gets up.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah let’s head off to work.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> We should go.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Rachel’s office, Phoebe hands Rachel a key card.]</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Thank you.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Sure.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Now you will not believe this. But, I was in the copy room, making copies,
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and Ralph Lauren came in.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God. Did you talk to him?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah a little. He seems really nice. Good kisser.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> What? What!?! You kissed him?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Totally.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> (Gasps) Phoebe are you serious?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah. I was just in there. He introduced himself and the next thing I know,
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we’re making out. You know.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe, I mean, you do know he’s married?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> <strong>No</strong>!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe…</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> What am I supposed to do? Ask every guy I make out with if he’s
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married? (Rachel looks at her.) No, yeah, I should.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Joey and Janine’s apartment, Joey stares at a picture of a bay on the
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wall. Janine comes out of her room.]</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Janine:</b> Hey Joey.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Hey. Uh, can I talk to you for a second? This, uh, kid in this picture. Do
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you, uh, know this kid? Is that like a relative or something?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Janine:</b> No, I just thought it was cute.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of.. Okay, uhh…Look Janine I really
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want you to feel at home here, but some of this new stuff. It’s…too girly.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Janine:</b> Ohh. Like what?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Like this. (pointing to the picture) Pictures of cute babies we don’t
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know. We..we can’t have that.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Janine:</b> Joey, it’s Anne Geddes. She’s a famous artist.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Look I don’t know this baby. I don’t know if she’s a famous
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artist or not. You know, and I don’t want to be a jerk but you’re changing too
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much around here.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Janine:</b> Well, I’m sorry. I just thought I’d try to make the place a
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little nicer.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah but it’s too much stuff. You know like, you got the candles and the
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foofy schmoofer thing here and over here you got a picture of a watering can.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Janine:</b> Well I just thought…</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> I’m sure it’s a famous watering can, okay. But, come on…and
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what is with the really hot stick in the bathroom?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Janine:</b> It’s a curling iron.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Ohh, well, that’s ok then. But, okay my towels for instance. I come in
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to the bathroom here and my towel is not on the floor where keep it. It’s up here on
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some hook..and…smells different.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Janine:</b> It’s clean.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, well, it feels different.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Janine:</b> It’s dry.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Alright, I can make my peace with the clean dry towels…Also what is with
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these chips you bought?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Janine:</b> No no no no, it’s potpourri. You’re supposed to smell it. (Joey
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takes a big whiff of the potpourri.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> (Voice cracking) Well that’s like summer in a bowl.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Elevator at the Ralph Lauren offices, Rachel gets on her boss Kim is there.]</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, Kim, Hi. (Kim doesn’t even look up from her report.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Kim:</b> Uhh-huh.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> So you know, I…I handed in that marketing report and I never got to
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hear what you thought.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Kim:</b> I didn’t read it.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Ahh….So…Wow…The spring line, it’s really going to be
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great this year, huh?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Kim:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> So I hear the Ralph Lauren fooled around with someone in the copy room.
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(Kim stops the elevator and turns to Rachel.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Kim:</b> Tell me everything.</p>
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<p>[Scene; Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are on the couch. Ross walks in.]</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Hey guys.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler and Monica:</b> Hey.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> What’s up? (He smiles. His teeth are freakishly white.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> You know…Oh My God.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> What happened to your teeth.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> I whitened them.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> (Sarcastically) Really.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah. What do you think.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Well, I think I shouldn’t look directly at them.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Come on, seriously.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Ross they’re really, really, really white.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, what was wrong with your old…human teeth.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Ahh, I-I did leave the gel on a little longer then it said to.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> How much longer?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> A-A day.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Ross you know that tonight is your date with Hillary?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> I know. That’s why I did it. (With a big smile) Come on, are they really
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that bad?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> No, no no no. You’ll be fine. (turning to Monica) Hillary’s
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bind, right?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> She will be after tonight.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah. (Rachel walks in.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, hey, hey Rach, do you notice anything..ahh…</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah. Your teeth? Yes, I saw them from outside. (Sitting down on the
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couch.) You guys are never going to believe this. But, Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> What???</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my god.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah I know. She ran into him at my office and they just…made out. And
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the craziest thing is, now my boss likes me because I told her about it and she said it
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was the best gossip she’d heard all year.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> I am proud of all my friends today.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> My God, Rachel, I can’t believe Phoebe made out with Ralph Lauren.
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Ohh, I’m so jealous. (Chandler looks at her.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi, I’m Chandler. Your live-in boy</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Chandler, please, come on. Look at him. (Pointing to a picture of Ralph on
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a magazine,.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, I am no women, but that is one tasty dish. (Phoebe walks in.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey. Here. (Hands Chandler a copy of her flyer and sees the picture of
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Ralph.) Ohh, who’s the silver fox?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> That-that is your make out buddy. Don’t you recognize him? (Holding up
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the magazine in front of her face.) Oh wait. Ohh, Phoebe I love you. Kiss me please.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> That’s not Ralph Lauren. Sounds like him though.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> What?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, no, Ralph doesn’t look anything like that guy.
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He’s-he’s young and he’s got long hair and a beard and a hacky sack.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh My God, Phoebe, that’s not Ralph Lauren. That’s Kenny the copy
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guy.</p>
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<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh..Go..Oh..and I told my boss that someone made out with Ralph Lauren. If
|
||
she finds out that I lied to her, she is going to hate me even more. <strong>Phoebe</strong>!!</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Why would the copy guy say he was Ralph Lauren?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> To get you to make out with him!!!</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ohhh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Ross’s Apartment, Ross and Monica are there.]</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> (Holding a shirt in front of Ross.) Okay, maybe this will make your teeth
|
||
look less white. (Ross has a big smile.) Nope. Okay, colors that don’t work are blue,
|
||
yellow, green, red, black, white, orange, and purple.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> I don’t know what I’m going to do. That date starts in like an
|
||
hour.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Hey Ross, maybe if your skin was lighter. Your teeth wouldn’t look so
|
||
bright.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Oh great. So all I need to do is get some new skin. Thank you.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> I’m just saying, if we put just a little bit of makeup on you.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. We’re not 13 anymore.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Ross this is the only thing left that has a shot at working.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> But, won’t she notice I have makeup on?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Please. Half the guys out there have makeup on.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> What??</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> All right, half the people. I mean, just try it and see.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> No. I am not putting on makeup. (Knock at the door. Phoebe enters.)</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hello. Oh good. Ross could you put up some of these flyers for me? (He
|
||
smiles at her.) OH!! Demon!! Demon!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler’s and Monica’s apartment, Chandler and Monica are sitting at
|
||
the kitchen table making potpourri sachets.]</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Now are drawers will smell nice and we didn’t waste these pantyhose.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, God forbid we throw out old underwear. You-you know what? I’m
|
||
going to go over to Joey’s.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Wait, we’re supposed to organize the wrapping paper drawer.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, but I feel like I’ve really gotten in touch with my feminine
|
||
side enough today. You know. In fact I think we’re two sachets away from becoming a
|
||
lesbian couple.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> You know what? This has been kind of a girlie day. You’re right,
|
||
I’m sorry.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Nah, Nah, it’s okay. I feel like I need to be in guy place. You
|
||
know, do kind of like a man thing.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah. Go over to Joey’s. Go over to Joey’s and drink some beer
|
||
and hammer up some drywall.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> You know when guys hang out they don’t just drink some beer and
|
||
hammer up drywall?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> When girls hang out, we don’t have pillow fights in our underwear.
|
||
(Chandler gets a hurt look on his face.) I’m sorry. We do. We do. I don’t know
|
||
why I said that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Janine’s apartment, Chandler walks in. Joey and Janine are
|
||
knitting at the kitchen counter.]</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Chandler. Come on in. We’re knitting pot holders.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> No thanks, Josephine.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Ross’s apartment, Chandler enters. Ross is putting on makeup.]</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey Ross, I was wondering if… <strong>Oh my God</strong>!! Where are
|
||
all the men???</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Elevator at the Ralph Lauren offices, Kim’s waiting for it. The door opens
|
||
and Rachel is inside.]</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, hi, Kim.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Kim:</b> Hi Rachel.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, remember that thing I told you that happened yesterday? Well it
|
||
didn’t happen.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Kim:</b> You didn’t cancel the fabric order from Taiwan?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, two things didn’t happen. Remember I told you that someone made
|
||
out with Ralph Lauren in the copy room? Well, it turns out that’s not true.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Kim:</b> That’s not true?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> No.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Kim:</b> Oh that’s interesting? Because I checked and only one keycard was used to
|
||
access the copy machine yesterday during lunch and that keycard belonged to you, Rachel.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh no, no, no. Oh God, you think I made out with him.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Kim:</b> Listen to me. If you think sleeping with Ralph is going to get you my job. You
|
||
are sadly mistaken.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> I-I don’t want your job. I-I don’t. Ohh this is such a mistake. I
|
||
did not make out with him. Nobody made out with him. I did not use my keycard yesterday. I
|
||
don’t even know how to use my keycard. (The elevator stops. Ralph steps on.)</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Kim:</b> Hi Ralph.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ralph Lauren:</b>: Hi Kim. (Dead silence until Ralph gets off the elevator.)</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Kim:</b> Yeah, nothing happen. You could cut the sexual tension in here with a knife.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Hillary’s apartmen,. Hillary and Ross are having dinner. He is avoiding
|
||
opening his mouth.]</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Hillary:</b> And after that, what could I do except become a chef.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Mmm-Hmm.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Hillary:</b> And someday soon, I hope to open my own restaurant.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Mmm.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Hillary:</b> You know, you’re a really great listener. Most guys I go out with,
|
||
they just talk and talk.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Mm-Hmm.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Hillary:</b> After a while it’s like, shut your mouth, you know?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> (Chuckling) Hmm-Hmm.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Hillary:</b> I’ve probably been talking too much. Why don’t we talk about you
|
||
a little bit?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Mmm-Unmm.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Hillary:</b> Come on. I want to know.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Hmm-Hmm-Hmm. (Putting his hand up to block his mouth.) Okay. I, uh, am from
|
||
Long Island. I-I came to the city for college. Um, I, um, have a 5 year old son and in my
|
||
spare time I like to read spy novels. But, but, let’s talk more about you. Hmm.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Janine’s apartment, Joey and Monica are arranging flowers.
|
||
Chandler walks in.]</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> So what’s really neat. If you sear the stems of the flowers first in a
|
||
frying pan, your arrangement will look fresh much longer.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God, Joey, that is such a great tip.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Monica, could you excuse us for a second? I need to talk to the girl with
|
||
the flowers.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Monica:</b> Okay. Oh but Joey, come over later because I’m going to teach you to
|
||
make a bird feeder out of just a pine cone and some peanut butter.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Ohh, I love birds. (Monica leaves. Chandler shuts the door.)</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> What is the matter with you ?!?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> What?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> You’re arranging flowers! (Pointing to the dish on the table.) You
|
||
got dead flowers! You got a picture, a picture, of a baby dressed like flowers! This is
|
||
not Joey!!</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Hey. Hey look I am still Joey, okay. Flowers they’re just, you know,
|
||
they’re nice to look at. And that happens to be a picture by a famous artist. Of a
|
||
famous baby.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> You’re turning into a women.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> No I’m not. Why would you say that? That’s just mean.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Chandler:</b> Now I’ve upset you? What did I say?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> It’s not what you said. It’s the way you said it….Oh My God,
|
||
I’m a women!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there.]</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Now, she thinks that I made out with him and I did it to get her job.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> But why didn’t you just tell her the truth.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> I did but she doesn’t think anyone would be stupid enough to confuse
|
||
Kenny the copy guy with Ralph Lauren.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, hey, what if Kenny were the real brains behind the whole company? You
|
||
know. What if Kenny hired that Ralph Lauren guy to be the pretty front man? Huh, did she
|
||
ever think of that?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> You were with Kenny today, weren’t you?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Just for a second.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, Phoebe, what am I going to do?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, the only thing you can do. Sleep with Ralph Lauren.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m not going to sleep with Ralph Lauren. I mean, I could, but I
|
||
wouldn’t.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ohh, sleep with Kenny.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> That wouldn’t help me.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ohh, yes it would.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Hillary’s apartment, Hillary and Ross are finishing up their date.]</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Hillary:</b> I’ve had a really good time tonight.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Mmm.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Hillary:</b> You know, I rarely connect with someone this much on the first date.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> (Giggling) Hmm-Hmm-Hmm. (Picking up a piece of bread and covering his mouth.)
|
||
Me, neither. I’ve had a really good time too, you know. (Putting the bread down.)</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Hillary:</b> Are you going to eat that bread?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> (Putting the bread up to his nose.) Ohh, I just like the smell. (Sniffing
|
||
it.) Mmmm.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Hillary:</b> (Laughing) You make me laugh.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Hmm-Hmm.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Hillary:</b> Would you like to move over to the couch?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Mmm-Hmm. (Picking up their wine glasses.)</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Hillary:</b> Maybe I’ll just turn the lights down a little.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> (Covering his mouth with the glass.) How about all the way.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Hillary:</b> Okay. (She goes to turn the lights off and Ross sits on the couch. She has
|
||
some black light posters on the wall.)</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> (Looking at the posters.) Wow, cool poster. Or should I say groovy poster?
|
||
(They sit down on the couch. Ross smiles and the black light fluoresces his teeth.) So,
|
||
ahh, where were we?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Hillary:</b> Are those your teeth??</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> Ohh, you can see them, huh?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Hillary:</b> Yes. They’re insanely white.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> I-I, did that for you.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Hillary:</b> What’s a matter with you?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ross:</b> What’s a matter with me? You’ve got a black light. It’s 1999!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Elevator at the Ralph Lauren Offices, Rachel gets in . Kim is there.]</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Kim, hi.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Kim:</b> Hi Rachel. Ohh, I’ve been meaning to ask you. Have you seen the new Ralph
|
||
Lauren sheets? Ohh, what am I thinking. Of course you have.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay..Okay.. Look. I’m sorry that I lied to you before. You were
|
||
right. Ralph and I were an item but were not anymore.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Kim:</b> Oh, really?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> (Faking crying.) Yeah, he dumped me. He said, "Rachel, I can’t do
|
||
this. Even though you are a very, very, very beautiful women. I can’t do this.
|
||
I’m married and I’m sorry." And then I don’t know why but he said,
|
||
"and you will never get promoted. Especially not above Kim, who is an integral cog in
|
||
the Ralph Lauren machine."</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Kim:</b> You expect me to believe..(Doors open, Ralph steps in.) Hi Ralph.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Ralph Lauren:</b>: Hi Kim. (Dead silence again until he gets off.)</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Kim:</b> Oh my God. He just gave you the coldest look I have ever seen. It’s like
|
||
he hates you. Then it is true.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> Of course it’s true and it hurts so bad.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Kim:</b> Ohh honey come here. (Hugging Rachel.) Ohh it will be ok. We’ve all been
|
||
there.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Rachel:</b> You and Ralph?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Kim:</b> Kenny the copyboy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Janine’s apartment, Joey paces the floor waiting for Janine. She
|
||
walks in.]</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Janine:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, uhh, I need to talk to you.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Janine:</b> What’s the matter? Are you upset?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> I’m sorry but we’ve got to get rid of all this girlie stuff in
|
||
here. I, uh, I got to be a man! Okay. The living room has to remain a guy place, okay?
|
||
That’s just the way it has to be.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Janine:</b> Well, if that’s what you want. I’ll just put it all in my room.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> Great…Great…and thanks for being so understanding. I mean, I
|
||
didn’t want to make a big deal out of this, you know. (She starts to collect all the
|
||
girlie stuff up.) You could, uh, put the picture of the famous baby in my room. I mean, if
|
||
you want to.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Janine:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> And, uhh, maybe the watering can there.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Janine:</b> Sure.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Joey:</b> And a couple of these little tiny boxes.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Janine:</b> Joey? Do you want me to put it all in your room?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey:</b> (Smiling) Okay.</p>
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<b>
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<p align="CENTER">End</p>
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</b>
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