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<title>The One With Ross’s Denial</title>
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<h1 align="center">The One With Ross’s Denial</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Seth Kurland<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are there as Chandler enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey! Check it out! This is unbelievable! Joey has been holding his
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breath for almost four minutes! </p>
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<p>(We see Joey who has puffed up his cheeks and Chandler nonchalantly reaches down and
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pinches Joey’s nose shut. In a few seconds, Joey has to move because he’s now
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forced to actually hold his breath.) </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (To Chandler) Dude! What are yo—you trying to kill me?!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering from her room) Pheebs, I wanna ask you something.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh-huh, what?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well since I’m movin’ out and-and you’re so
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beautiful…</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> …how about I move in with you?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, that would be great but then what do we do about Denise?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Who’s Denise?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> My roommate.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You have a roommate?!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes, Denise. Denise! </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, what is with the secrecy Phoebe? Huh? And what about this Denise, is
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she cute?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Pheebs, I don’t understand. How can you have a roommate that none
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of us know anything about?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Maybe because you never listen to anything that I say. I talk about her
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all the time! <b>DENISE!!!!!</b></p><b>
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</b>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Rach, listen I was thinkin’ uh, I’m gonna have an extra room
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over at my place…</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, that’s true.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, why don’t you move in with me? It’ll be great! We could
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stay up late, watch movies, and you know about Naked Thursday’s right?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, yeah I think I’m gonna find my own place.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey-hey! I thought Naked Thursday’s was just our thing man!</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is reading a magazine, eating a cookie, and drinking some
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coffee as Phoebe enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So, what did Rachel say when you told her you were still married to her?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, that. Umm, she took it really well.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You didn’t tell her did you?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No. </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Of course not, because you’re in love with her.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I am not in love with her. She was very upset about having to move out so
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I eh, didn’t tell her we were still married because she would only get more upset.
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I-I just comforted her, as a friend.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What do you mean, comforted her?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> It’s nothing, I just gave her a hug.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ah-ha! A classic sign of love, the hug!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> It’s also a sign of friendship.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, not in your case Lovey Loverson. (Tries to take a bite out of
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Ross’s cookie.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (grabs back his cookie) It was a hug!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, just tell me this, did you or did you not smell her hair?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> S-s-smell her hair? What if I did?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ninety percent of a women’s pheromones come out the top of her
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head! That’s why, that’s why women are shorter. So that men will fall in love
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when they hug them! (Ross is staring at her dumbfounded.) Oh come on Ross, you’re a
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scientist. </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I was hugging her as a friend. It’s not my fault her-her hair got in
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my face, she’s got a lot of it and it smells all-all uh…coconutty. (Phoebe
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raises her eyebrows.) What?! Oh, that doesn’t mean I have feelings for Rachel! Maybe
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it means I have feelings for coconuts!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (taking his coffee) Okay, whatever you say. But just be careful, all
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right? Rachel’s not in the same place you are.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (grabbing back his coffee) If the place you are referring too is being in
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love, then she <b>is</b> in the same place as me because <b>I</b> am not in that place!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, I didn’t understand that, but y’know, maybe that’s
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‘cause you were speaking the secret language of love! </p>
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<p>(She goes for his magazine and he grabs it away before she reaches it. But she was only
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using the magazine as a decoy because she grabs his cookie and coffee, takes a bite out of
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the cookie and drinks some of the coffee.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica are there as Joey enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey! (To Chandler) Dude, some guy just called for you.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Who was it?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I don’t know! How about, "Thanks for taking the message."
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Jeez! (Exits.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay listen, y’know when you move in Rachel’s room is gonna be
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empty, you wanna talk about what we want to do with it?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Sure!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, I was thinking we should have a beautiful guest room, right? With
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a mahogany sleigh bed and bedside tables with flowers on them all the time! And we could
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have a roll top desk with comment cards on them so people could say how much they loved
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staying here!! Okay, whatever, I really haven’t thought about it that much.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I like that idea. Obviously! I was thinking maybe-maybe-maybe it
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could be a game room, y’know? I mean you can buy old arcade games like uh, like <i>Space
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Invaders</i> and <i>Asteroids</i> for $200, the real ones! The big-big ones!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay so you mean no as in, "Gee Chandler, what an interesting
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idea. Let’s discuss it before we reject it completely."</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, I’m sorry. Of course I mean that. Interesting idea, umm, talk
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about it, but no.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> So, that’s it?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I just don’t think arcade games go in the beautiful guest room. The
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beautiful guest room is gonna be filled with antiques.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Which is why <i>Asteroids</i> is perfect! It’s the oldest game!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What do you have against the beautiful guest room?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don’t have anything against the beautiful guest room,
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especially since everybody we know lives about 30 seconds away!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Are you mocking me?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, I’m not mocking you, (in a mocking voice) or you beautiful
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guest room. (Exits.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is coming from across the hall.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, what’s up?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Nothing, Monica and I had a stupid fight.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> But you’re still moving in together, right? Because my ad came out
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today. (Shows him the paper.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (reading the ad) "Wanted. Female roommate, non-smoker,
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non-ugly." Nice!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah? I just figured y’know, after living with you it’d be an
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interesting change of pace to have a female roommate, y’know? Someone I can learn
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from, someone-someone who’s different than me. And what’s more different than
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me; a guy who’s <b>not</b> 19 than say a girl who is 19? Enh? (Points to his head.)
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Not just a hat rack my friend!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is on the couch staring off into space as Rachel enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Pheebs, I have to ask you…</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Shhhhhh! I’m swamped right now.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You’re just staring into space.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, I’m trying to move that pencil. (There’s a pencil lying
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on the table.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> This one? (Picks it up.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It worked!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Pheebs, this whole apartment thing is just a nightmare! Every place I
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can afford comes with a roommate who is a freak. I mean, look at this; (Points to one and
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starts to read it.) "Wanted. Female roommate, non-smoker, non-ugly." It’s
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just, there is nothing! The city’s full!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wait, no, look at this! (Points to one.) (Reading) "Two bedroom,
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two bath, must be non-smoker, Satan worshipers okay…" Oh, yeah, but it’s on
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the ground floor.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Rach, uh, you still looking for a place?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah! Why?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, there’s this guy, Warren, from the museum and he’s going
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on a dig for like two years and he’s got this great place he needs to sublet. So uh,
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you interested?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> That sounds great! I’d love to live at Warren’s!! I love
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Warren! Thank you!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Don’t thank me! If you wanna thank something, thank the volcano that
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erupted thousands of years ago, killing but perfectly preserving an entire civilization.
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(Rachel just looks at him.) Here’s Warren’s number.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, this is great! I am gonna call him right now! (Jumps up.) Oh, thank
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you! </p>
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<p>(She hugs him and he starts to hug her back but notices the look Phoebe is giving him
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and pushes her away.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, you go grab it!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I saw it.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I don’t know what you’re talking about.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, I’m talking about that which you already know but won’t
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admit. You love her again; you re-love her!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Look, I do not re-love her.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I can’t believe you won’t just admit it! (Pause) Okay, just
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promise me that you won’t do anything stupid.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Look, we’re just friends now! Okay? Why would I do anything stupid?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (returning from calling Warren) Ugh!!! Well, the apartment is already
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subletted! I mean, this is just hopeless. I’m never gonna find anything.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> You can live with me.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God! Are you serious?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh-huh. (Phoebe grunts.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I would love to live with you Ross; that’s-that’s great! Thank
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you!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I’m-I’m just glad I could, y’know, help you out.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wow! I’m-I’m so happy for you guys. (To Ross) This is so-so,
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not stupid.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross-Ross, you have no idea what this means to me! I mean, I mean I was
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gonna be homeless. You just saved me! You’re my hero!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hero, I uh, I don’t know—well, all right.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, I have to go tell Monica what a wonderful brother she has! (Kisses
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him on the cheek and exits.) </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh please! (He sits down.) (To Phoebe) You’re gonna say things now,
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aren’t ya?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No. No, I won’t. But I should tell you this, this exact same thing
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happened to my roommate Denise. She moved in with a guy who was secretly married to her
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and he said he didn’t love her, but he really did, and it just blew up! And
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that’s how she ended up living with me! (Ross looks at her.) (Pause) Okay,
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that’s a lie.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is in the kitchen as Chandler enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi, listen, I’m sorry about before. I don’t need to have a
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game room. I mean when I was a kid I only played those games because I couldn’t get
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girls, and now I <b>can</b> ‘em—Now, I have you. (Monica glares at him.) Not-not
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that I think that I have you or think of you as property in any sort of way, I see
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women…</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Stop it Chandler. (Chandler is relieved) I’m sorry too.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Really?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah! Oh yes!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ohh.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Listen, we don’t have to make that a guest room, we can think of
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something to do with the room together.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> That’s a great idea! We can <b>easily</b> think of a way for us
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both to enjoy the room.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Totally!</p>
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<p>(They start thinking.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> We don’t have to come up with this now.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh good.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, y’know what? Why don’t we think about changes we can
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make in the living room?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Changes?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I mean we’re gonna have to move around some furniture to
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make room for my chair. (Kisses her and heads into the living room.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You’re-you’re-you’re gonna bring the Barca Lounger over
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here?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Is that a problem?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, it’s a set and they should probably stay together.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, that’s cool. Then I’ll just bring them both over.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> See now-now you’re taking them away from their home.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, I get it. So, I get nothing! Nothing here is mine! Everything
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here is yours! I’ll get up in the morning put on your clothes, and head off to work!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah-yeah, y’know what? Yeah, that’s it-that’s it,
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everything will be mine! Nothing will be yours! That’s-that’s what I said! Oh
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come on, Chandler! I’m talking about the barca lounger! It just, it doesn’t
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match! Where is it gonna go?!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> In the game room!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Look it is <b>not</b> my fault that your chairs are incredibly ugly!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right! That’s fine! That’s fine! I won’t bring over
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the chairs! I won’t bring anything over! I wouldn’t want to ruin the ambiance
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over here at Grandma’s place!! (Storms out.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is interviewing a potential roommate. And yes,
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she’s a female, non-smoker and very non-ugly.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (exiting from Chandler’s room with the new roommate) Everything on
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your application looks really good—Ohh! Just one last question umm, are you and your
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friends gonna be over here all the time like partying and hanging out?</p>
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<p><b>The Potential Roommate:</b> Oh don’t worry, I’m not really a party girl.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Whoa!! Now look, don’t be just blurtin’ stuff out. I want you to
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really think about your answers. Okay?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering) You can call off the roommate search! (To the potential
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roommate) Hi! I’ll be living here. (Heads for the bathroom.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh don’t listen to him, he’s just some guy who really wants the
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apartment, but I don’t think he’s gonna get it.</p>
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|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why did you take the shower curtain down?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> That thing was a hazard! (To the potential roommate) I’m very safety
|
||
conscious.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Ross’s Apartment, Rachel is entering and Ross is making some room on the
|
||
shelves for his stuff.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! Oh listen, I was just clearing some space for your stuff.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh thanks, but listen, I was just at Monica’s and she and Chandler
|
||
had a big fight and they’re not moving in.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What do you mean, they’re not moving in? They-they’re still
|
||
moving in right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No-no, they just had a big blowout over what to do with my room.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?! Over a stupid room!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, I feel kinda bad for them, but I’m also really psyched
|
||
‘cause I don’t have to move in here!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh no, yeah no, that part’s great!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering, dragging Chandler, to mediate the
|
||
argument between Chandler and Monica.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What’s all this about you guys fighting?! Is this really over a
|
||
room?! I mean, that is so silly!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ross, we can handle this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, apparently not, and I can’t just stand by and watch two people
|
||
I care about very much be hurt over something that is so silly. I mean, enough of the
|
||
silliness!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, why don’t you tell her to stop being silly! (Monica mocks
|
||
him and he joins in.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (stopping them) Okay-okay! Two very good points, look I’ve known you
|
||
both a long time, and I’ve never seen either of you one/millionth as happy as
|
||
you’ve been since you’ve got together. Do you really want to throw that all away
|
||
over a room? That is so silly. Now wh-what is more important, love or silliness?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, we are fond of the silliness, but we also have a soft spot for
|
||
the love.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Love is the best medicine.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> That’s laughter.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why do you do it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don’t know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay! All right! Now, Chandler you-you wanna live with Monica, right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I do.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> And Mon, you wanna live with Chandler, don’t ya?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (jumping up) Good! A verbal contract is binding in the state of New York!
|
||
(Storms out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting at the counter waiting for Gunther, yep
|
||
Gunther’s back, to refill her coffee.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gunther:</b> So I understand you’re looking for a place.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No-no, I’m staying put.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gunther:</b> Oh, I was going to offer you my apartment.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Why, where are you going?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gunther:</b> I don’t know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hey Rach!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You’re never gonna believe it uh, Monica and Chandler are moving in
|
||
again. That’s great news right—I mean for them. Right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh wow.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah but, on the bright side, we get to be roommates again.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah. Y’know umm, uh, umm, about that, umm, Ross I really
|
||
appreciate your offer to let me move in and everything, but don’t you think it’s
|
||
gonna be weird?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Wh-why?! Why-why-why would it, why would it be weird?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, because of us! Because of our history.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No! No! It would be weird if we were still in that place, I mean are you
|
||
still in that place?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No! Not at all!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Good! Me neither! So it’s not a problem. We’re just two friends
|
||
who happen to be roommates.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, but Ross, eventually you and I are gonna be dating.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Really?! We are?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah! I’m gonna have a boyfriend, you’re gonna have a
|
||
girlfriend…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ohh! That would be great.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> But y’know what, if you think it’s gonna be okay we’ll
|
||
just work out a system. Y’know, it’ll be like college, I’ll hang a hanger
|
||
on the door and put a sign, "Come back later, I’m gettin’ lucky."
|
||
(Laughs.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (laughs as well, but for a different reason) Yeah, I didn’t think of
|
||
that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is once again being dragged in by Ross so he that
|
||
he can try to manipulate the situation so that it’s best for Ross, not necessarily
|
||
what’s best for Monica and Chandler.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> So are you sure about this whole moving in thing?! I mean it’s a <b>really</b>
|
||
big step! And-and what’s the rush?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They both start laughing at him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> That’s very funny!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> He’s being silly, because he knows that we enjoy the silliness!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No, I-I-I’m serious, okay? I mean, think about it. You move in, you
|
||
start fighting over stupid game rooms, next thing y’know you break up!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ross, you were right before, it was just a stupid fight about a room.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, there are no stupid fights!! This isn’t about the room, this is
|
||
about what the room…represents! And unfortunately, this room (Points to Rachel’s
|
||
room) could destroy you!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I'm not so worried.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, no, me neither.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Fine! It’s your life! (Starts to storm out mad about his failed
|
||
attempt at the manipulation of his best friend and sister, but stops and tries one last
|
||
time.) I just don’t want to see you guys break up! Which you <b>will</b> do if you
|
||
move in together, (Monica and Chandler just stare at him.) but that’s what you want,
|
||
there’s nothing I can do. (Opens the door and tries one more time.) <b>DON’T DO
|
||
IT</b>!!!!! (Finally leaves.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You still want to move in together right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Of course!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ross didn’t scare you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Scared me out of ever wanting to live with him.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Come here, I want to show you something!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They run to the living room where Monica has moved the chair back (Towards the step),
|
||
the coffee table forward (Towards the TV), and taped a square outline on the floor.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh my God! Someone’s killed Square Man!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> This is where I thought the barca lounger could go! You see you could
|
||
see the TV and it’s still walking distance to the kitchen.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh that’s so sweet! I want to show you something too!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y’know those big-big uh, road signs that say "Merge?"</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Uh-hmm.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y’know? So I was thinking that we could get one of those signs
|
||
and hang it over our bed. Because, that’s you and I together! Merge!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God! I love that!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Really?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Uh, no!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing a new song. Yep, the first new Phoebe song of
|
||
season six, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are also there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (singing)<i> I found you in my bed! <br>
|
||
|
||
How’d you whined up there? <br>
|
||
|
||
You are a mystery!<br>
|
||
|
||
Little black curly hair!<br>
|
||
|
||
Little black curly hair!<br>
|
||
|
||
Little black, little black, little black, little black, little black curly
|
||
hair…………</i></p><i>
|
||
</i>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Applause.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Now if you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please
|
||
give me money so I can buy a computer.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (To Rachel) So umm, where are the other guys?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Umm, well let’s see Monica and Chandler are occupied.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Fighting?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, the other thing. I really think it’s great they work things
|
||
out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah. There’s no breaking them up, is there?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey, can I borrow the key to your house so I can run across the street
|
||
and make a copy?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Sure! Here. (Hands her his keys.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thank you. (Gets up) Now are you sure? Because once I make a copy,
|
||
there’s no turning back.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, I’m-I’m sure. (Deadpan) Yeah, get out of here before I
|
||
change my mind. (She exits)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Umm, listen, Ross do you really think this moving in with Rachel is a good
|
||
idea?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I’ve been back and forth.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah well, maybe you should go back! Okay? Rachel moves in, and before you
|
||
know it you’re right where you don’t want to be! Back together!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ehh, I don’t, I don’t think so. She’s already talked about
|
||
y’know, dating other guys.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> That’s not gonna work out! Then she’s gonna come home all weepy
|
||
and you’ll be tellin’ her, "Oh that’s okay. You’ll find
|
||
someone." And then, <b>bamn</b>! She finds you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, well, m-maybe you’re right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I am telling you Ross, she is definitely gonna fall in love with you
|
||
again! Now, is that what you want?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Is that what I want?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (on the microphone, accidentally) Yes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel enters.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Here she comes. Hold on, I’m gonna make your life much easier.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right, well the place was closed. I’ll just copy it later.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Or not. Uh, Rach, why don’t you just move in with me? (Rachel sighs.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, Joey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no… It’s okay, I mean I—look Rach, I
|
||
know I scared you off with that whole Naked Thursday’s thing, but we don’t have
|
||
to do that!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, it would be easier to move just right across the hall. Wait a
|
||
minute, unless you’re thinking about Naked Wednesday’s.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Thursday’s clearly not good for ya, pick a day!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey has The Potential Roommate back for another
|
||
interview.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (opening the door to The Potential Roommate) Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Potential Roommate:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Come in. Thanks for comin’ back, umm, okay there have been a lot of
|
||
people interested in the room, but I have narrowed it down and <b>you</b> are one of the
|
||
finalists!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Potential Roommate:</b> Great!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay now, before I make my final decision I uh, I just want to make sure
|
||
our personalities match. Okay, so I made up a little test. Now, I’m gonna say a word
|
||
and then you say the first thing that comes to mind.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Potential Roommate:</b> I can do that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay! Here we go. Pillow.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Potential Roommate:</b> Fight.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Very good! Okay. G.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Potential Roommate:</b> String?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Excellent! Okay umm, doggy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Potential Roommate:</b> Kitten?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ooh, sorry! No-no-no, so close though, but—bye-bye! (He ushers her
|
||
out the door.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |