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<!-- saved from url=(0054)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season5/521ball.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With The Ball</title>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With The Ball</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Teleplay by: Greg Malins<br>
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Story by: Scott Silveri<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Gary, Phoebe, Monica, and Chandler are there.]</p>
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<p><b>Gary:</b> (To Phoebe) Would you like some more coffee, baby-doll?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I'm fine, thanks.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (To Monica) Yeah, see, I can't pull of baby-doll can I?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No. I think we learned that from the sugarlips incident. I'm gonna get
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some tea.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p>(Monica leaves and Chandler moves to talk to Phoebe.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hiya doin' pumpkin?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Nope. (Chandler nods in agreement.)</p>
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<p>[Cut to Gary and Monica at the counter.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> So it looks like it's going really well for you two, huh?</p>
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<p><b>Gary:</b> I know, really well. In fact, I'm gonna ask Phoebe to move in with me.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (shocked) Oh my God!</p>
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<p><b>Gary:</b> What do you, what do you think?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I think that is so great! When are you gonna ask her?</p>
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<p><b>Gary:</b> Tonight, but don't say anything. Okay?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I swear, I promise. I promise. Oh my God, I'm so excited! {<i>And I just
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can't hide it</i>!<i> I'm about to lose control and I think I like it</i>! Sorry, just
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couldn't resist it.} All right, listen let me tell you, do <b>not</b> get her flowers.
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Okay? Because y'know, she cries when they die, and there's the whole funeral<61></p>
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<p><b>Gary:</b> (To Phoebe) I'll see you after work sweetie. (Kisses her.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. Bye! </p>
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<p>(Gary exits and Monica rejoins them.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So, what movie should we see?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (sitting down) Gary's gonna ask you to move in with him!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?! Really?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> He just told me at the counter. He made me promise not to tell, but I
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couldn't hold it in any longer!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I can't believe this!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (terrified) Right, because it's fast. Because, it's so fast. It's
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fast!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Relax! It's Phoebe! Not you!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh! Good for you Pheebs, way to go! (Breathes a sigh of relief)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, but it <b>is</b> fast. Isn't it?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Ohhhh!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, I like him a lot but I don't think I'm ready for this!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> So, what are you gonna do?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I don't know. I'll just handle it<69>I'll ask you to talk to him!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Me?! Why me?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Because you are so afraid of commitment! You talk to him, make him
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scared like you! Make him a<>man!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I'll try, but I'm not sure what good it would do, y'know? Because I'm
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a lot less afraid of commitment than I used to be.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> That is so sweet! (She kisses him and turns to add some sugar to her
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tea.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (To Phoebe, behind Monica's back) Still terrified, I'll take care of
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it. No problem. (When Monica turns back he smiles and kisses her, when she turns away he
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nods that he'll do it to Phoebe.)</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey and Ross are playing catch with a little foam globe.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Ross, is uh, is Staten Island really an island?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh-huh, that's why they call it Staten <b>Island</b>.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ohhh. I thought it was like Long Island.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (he catches the ball and pauses, staring at Joey in disbelief) Also an
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island.</p>
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<p>(The game resumes.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, what time is it?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (looks at his watch) 2:17.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Wow! You realize that we've been throwing this ball, without dropping it,
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for like an hour?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Are you serious?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah. I realized it about a half-hour ago but I didn't want to say
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anything 'cause I didn't want to jinx it.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Wow! We are pretty good at this! Hey! We totally forgot about lunch!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, I-I, I think that's the first time I ever missed a meal! (Checks his
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pants.) Yeah, my pants are a little loose!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering) Hey, you guys<79></p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Is Monica here?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey and <b>Ross:</b></b> No.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right listen umm, I just bought something I'm not sure she's gonna
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like it, and it's gonna seem a little crazy, but this is something that I wanted since I
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was a little girl.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> You bought Shawn Cassidy!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Noo! I wish! Okay, you ready? </p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey and <b>Ross:</b></b> Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay! (She goes and gets her surprise and when she returns with it, Ross
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stares in shock.) Check it out!</p>
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<p>(Joey turns and looks at quite possibly one of the ugliest pets that you can possibly
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buy on the planet. Rachel has bought herself a hairless cat. Yep, a hairless cat! Joey and
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Ross start to get sick.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What-what is it?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What the hell is that?!!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> It's a, it's a cat!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> <b>That</b>, is not a cat! {I have to agree with Joey on this one.}</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes it is!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Why is it inside out?!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Excuse me! But this is a purebred, show-quality Sphinx cat!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> How much did you pay for that?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, it was a little extravagant, but I a pretty good deal.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah? How much?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> A thousand bucks.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> ON A CAT??!!!!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> It's not a cat!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right listen ball boys! My grandmother had one of these when I was a
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little girl and it was the sweetest thing! I mean it was so cute, it would sit in my lap
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and purr all day long, and I would drag a shoestring on the ground and he would chase it!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Free cats do that too, y'know. {Which reminds me, if I might get a little
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political here, support your local animal shelter. Pet shops are <b>not</b> the place to
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buy dogs and cats from, you get a much better deal from the shelter, plus they probably
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won't die on you in a week and a half. If you want a leash, go to the pet shop. If you
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want the dog for that leash, go to the shelter and save it's life. Now back to regularly
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scheduled programming.}</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> It's not a cat!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ugh! Look you guys, I'm really excited about this! Okay? I don't care
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what you think! I'm gonna go set up a little litter box for Mrs. Whiskerson. (They both
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glare at her.) Well, what am I gonna call her? Fluffy?!</p>
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<p>(Rachel goes into the bathroom as the guys continue throwing the ball.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (To Joey) Hey, you wanna get something to eat or uh, do you wanna see how
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long we can throw this ball back and forth? Huh?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Uhh, the ball thing.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Ross, wouldn't it be great if we could go two straight hours without
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dropping it?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uhh, <b>yeah</b> it would! Let's do it!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay!</p>
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<p>(They throw the ball back and forth once.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (catches the ball) Uh-oh.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I have to pee. And Rachel's in the bathroom!</p>
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<p>[Cut to Chandler and Joey's, Ross is seen throwing the ball into the bathroom,
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presumably where Joey is currently using the facilities.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Man, I didn't think we were gonna make it!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I know! (Looks at the ball in his hands.) Don't switch hands, okay?</p>
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<p>[Scene: the 5<sup>th</sup> Precinct, Gary's precinct, Chandler has come to talk to him
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about commitment. And as he's walking through the door he notices a couple of "Ladies
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of the night" sitting there. (If you know what I mean.)]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey ladies! What are you in here for? (Laughs at his joke.)</p>
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<p><b>Gary:</b> Hey Chandler, what are you doing here?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Gary, I'm here to report a crime.</p>
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<p><b>Gary:</b> Yeah?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> It is a crime that you and I don't spend more time together.</p>
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<p><b>Gary:</b> (laughs, then suddenly serious) What's up?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I heard that you thinking about asking Phoebe to move in with
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you and I thought maybe, we should have a talk. Man to uh, me.</p>
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<p><b>Gary:</b> Sure. Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Uh, are you crazy? Are you insane? If you live with Phoebe, you two
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are gonna be y'know, live-living together!</p>
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<p><b>Gary:</b> Yeah, I-I considered that. I just know it would make me happy.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You mean scared.</p>
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<p><b>Gary:</b> No, I mean happy.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Scared? Happy?</p>
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<p><b>Gary:</b> Chandler, what-what are you doing?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I am trying to open your eyes, my man! Don't you see, if you lived
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with Phoebe she's always gonna be there. You're gonna get home, she's there. You go to
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bed, she's there. You wake up and oh yes, she's there!</p>
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<p><b>Gary:</b> I know! I can't wait!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Were you're parents happy, or something?</p>
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<p><b>Gary:</b> Listen Chandler, the way I see it is that I was lucky enough to find
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someone that I really love. I just<73>I wanna be around her as much as I can.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Wow, y'know when you say it, it doesn't sound so scary.</p>
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<p><b>Gary:</b> So you know what I'm talking about, right?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I think I do! Y'know what? You move in with her! You move in
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with her right now! Maybe I should in with Monica!</p>
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<p><b>Gary:</b> No, it's too soon for you guys.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (pause) Yeah, you're right about that.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are still playing catch.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> <20>now when they found the remains of the Mesozoic Mastodon they
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discovered what <b>appeared</b> to be the remains of a Paleozoic Amphibian in its jaws!
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How did it get there?!</p>
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<p>{Y'know, sometimes I think the script writers throw in a line like that to try to
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trip me up. But it won't work. I'll always have the last laugh! <manical_laugh.wav>
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Okay, so maybe I'm a little deluded, it's probably just my spellchecker. But, I must admit
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I did get Mesozoic and Paleozoic on the first attempt. Yay me! Anyhoo<6F>}</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Maybe this should be more of a quiet game.</p>
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<p>{Oh, all right! Geez, I can't have <strong>any</strong> fun!}</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering) Hey guys!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Joey, I left my watch on the counter last night. (Goes to the counter)
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It was right here, where is it?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I don't know.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, come on, I'm-I'm late for work!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> How do you know? You don't have a watch.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Guys, could you please just stop throwing the ball for one minute and
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just help me find it!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, I don't know<6F>. Yeah, can't do it.</p>
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<p>(He throws it back to Ross, but it's intercepted by Monica and the guys both scream in
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horror.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Monica, whatever you do, do <b>not</b> drop that ball!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, we haven't dropped it in<69> (Looks to Ross.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> 2 hours, 27 minutes.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Really?!</p>
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<p>[Time lapse, Monica has joined in and is calling to get out of work.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (on phone, faking she's sick) I-I'm not gonna be able to make it into
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work today, I don't feel very good. (Joey makes a high throw and Monica has to catch it
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way over her head.) (Not sounding sick) Yes!! (Realizes what she just did.) (Sounding sick
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again) Wow! Uh, for a second there I thought I was really better, but I'm not. (Hangs up
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and keeps throwing the ball.)</p>
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<p>(Rachel enters.) </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey Rach!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Check it out! Almost 3 hours without droppin' it!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, wow! Congratulations, that's quite a waste of time.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Rach?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You have scratches all over you, what happened? (Rachel's arms are
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covered with scratches.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, it's my cat.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (shocked) What?!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh yeah, I got a cat.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I don't want a cat!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, don't worry, it's not a cat.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You guys this cat is <b>nothing</b> like my grandmother's cat. I mean,
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it's not sweet, it's not cute, I even dragged that little string on the ground, and it
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just flipped out and scratched the hell out of me. And I swear, I know this sounds crazy,
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but every time this cat hisses at me I know it's saying, "Rachel!"</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Doesn't sound as crazy as paying a thousand dollars for a cat.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (To Rachel) What?! You paid a thousand dollars for a cat when you owe me
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300!!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I was gonna let you play with it.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is drinking coffee as Chandler enters.]</p>
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||
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hmm, did you talk to Gary about the moving in thing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes I did, and I think you should do it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> He's a great guy, y'know? And he loves you a lot, you are a very lucky
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lady.</p>
|
||
|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You are useless! Freaking out about commitment is the <b>one</b> thing
|
||
you can do! The <b>one</b> thing! And you can't even do that right! God!</p>
|
||
|
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I<>m sorry. (Pause) If you ask me, I'd move in with him.</p>
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||
|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ohh!! God! (Gary enters and she sees him) Ooh! (To Chandler) Get out of
|
||
here, good for nothing.</p>
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||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Hey Chandler.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey Gar!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> (To Phoebe) Hi sweetie. (Kisses her.) Hi, can I talk to you for a second?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah! Okay. (They move to the couch.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> You look very pretty today.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Thanks! Okay. (They sit down.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Here's the thing.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Y'know I <b>really</b> want to move this relationship forward.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh-hmm.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Because if you're not moving forward, y'know you're just moving backwards.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No that's not true. If you're not moving forward, you're just staying
|
||
still. And staying still is good. Watch this. (She stays still for a brief second.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Phoebe?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> I want you to move in with me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That is so sweet. But don't you think it's a little too soon? I mean
|
||
there's so much we don't know about each other.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> (disappointed) Oh. Oh-oh-okay, I get it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I just<73>I don't want us to jump into something we're not ready for.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> (disappointed more) Uh-huh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I really don't want to mess up what we have. I'm just<73>I'm worried
|
||
it's gonna be a big mistake.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> (on the verge of tears) Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Which is why my answer is yes!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> (suddenly happy) Really?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh-huh! (They hug.) I'm so<73>happy. (She's not happy.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, and Monica are still playing catch, with
|
||
Chandler looking on. Joey throws the ball to Monica who catches it and whips it at Ross.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (catching the ball) Monica! Stop throwing it so hard! We're on the same
|
||
team!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Four hours? You guys have been doing this for four hours?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> That's right baby.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, let me in. (He jumps off of the counter to join in the
|
||
game.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (jumping in front of him) No-no! Don't do it! Don't!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> He's a dropper!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh yeah, that's right!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I'm not a dropper!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> It's really a uh-uh three person game, y'know?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> It's throwing and catching!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> All right. (He gently tosses the ball to Chandler who catches it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh! Oh! That's so hard. (Starts to juggle the ball, but loses control
|
||
and almost drops it and hands it to Monica.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel enters with the "cat" and the chick and the duck start to get riled
|
||
up.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Whoa-whoa you guys, it's not a cat!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my<6D>Oh good God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (she's wearing an oven mitt to protect her hand) I give up you guys, I
|
||
don't know what I'm going to do with this thing!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Baking it didn't help, huh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So, why don't you just take it back to where you got it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I tried! They won't take her back.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Maybe that's because she's a minion of the anti-Christ.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Rach, why won't they take it back?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, they said would but they would only give me store credit. I mean,
|
||
what am I going to do, get a thousand regular cats?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Look, if you want you can keep it at our place until you find out what
|
||
to do with it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No Mon that's not the point. I'm out a thousand dollars, I'm all
|
||
scratched up, and I'm stuck with this stupid cat that looks like a hand! (Storms out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica sneezes.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God, the cat's made my eyes water! Don't-don't throw it to me! My
|
||
vision's been compromised!! (Quickly grabs a tissue to wipe her eyes.) Oh God! Okay. Okay.
|
||
It's okay. Man, that was close.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, you almost overreacted to something.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Phoebe and <b>Gary:</b></b> (entering) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> We have <b>great</b> news!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> We're moving in together! Isn't it great! Yay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Congratulations! Congrats!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I know, I'm so excited!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> So am I!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, you're not more excited than I am! No way! I'm the <b>most</b>
|
||
excited!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Okay, I'll see you at the station later.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, yeah, I'll see you later! Don't forget about the moving in!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> All right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe closes the door behind him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So you're moving in with him. What happened?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I couldn't tell him no. He got so sad. Maybe it'll be all right. I <b>do</b>
|
||
really like him a lot and probably do it eventually anyway and plus, think of all the
|
||
money I'll save on stamps.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why, do you write him a lot?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, I just heard when people live together, they split the cost of
|
||
stamps. Don't they?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Yeah! That's right. Yeah-yeah! Yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel enters with the cat, wearing the oven mitt, and startles Phoebe.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I'm sorry, the oven mitts really freaked me out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Gary's precinct, Phoebe is entering.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Hey, honey! Okay, so did you find any apartments? Anything in Brooklyn
|
||
Heights?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, nothing.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Oh really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Nothing at all?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, as soon as something opens up we'll move right in. Unless it doesn't
|
||
have a pool, I need a pool. (Turns away from him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh-huh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He takes her into one of those typical interrogation rooms you see on TV and in the
|
||
movies. Which is really appropriate here, since this is a TV show. What are the odds of
|
||
that?)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Take a seat. You okay? You feeling all right? (Closes the door and takes
|
||
off his coat.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (sits down) Yeah, I feel great. 'Cause we're moving in together.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> So you uh, you checked the paper for listings in Brooklyn Heights, right?
|
||
You-you checked the <i>Post</i>?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, uh-huh, there was nothing. (Pause) Can I get some water?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> In a minute. You-you checked today's <i>Post</i>?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, yeah! Today's.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> 'Cause uh, this is today's <i>Post</i> (produces one from the other chair)
|
||
and uh, these are the listings I found. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, two bedroom. (Points)
|
||
Brooklyn Heights, one bedroom. (Points) Brooklyn Heights, (points) Brooklyn Heights,
|
||
(points) Brooklyn Heights!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (looks at the paper) Are these for rent! I thought people were just
|
||
bragging!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Let me tell you what I think might be going on. (Phoebe looks down in
|
||
shame.) No-no-no, don't look at the table. Look at me. (Points to his eyes and she does
|
||
so) Okay, I think somebody asked someone to move in with them. And I think someone said,
|
||
"Yes" but now she's having doubts because things are moving to fast for someone.
|
||
Does that sound at all possible to you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes. Yes! Fine! I <b>am</b> someone! You want me to say it? I have
|
||
doubts! (Pause) I'm sorry! (Puts her head down.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Phoebe<62></p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Phoebe, it's okay that you feel this way. I mean it <b>is</b> soon. And
|
||
there's a lot of things we don't know about each other, and I just figure that everything
|
||
I really like. And the things I don't know, I get to learn about at someplace with both
|
||
our names on the mailbox.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That's so sweet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Sweethart, but none of that matters if it's too soon for you. It's fine!
|
||
We don't have to move in together. I just<73>I want you to be happy</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Living with you would make me happy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Phoebe, you <b>don't</b> have to say that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, I really wanna live with you! I wanna move in with you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Are you sure?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes. Definitely! Yes! Let's live in an apartment that we both live in!
|
||
(Hugs him.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Oh that's great!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh wait, one sec. One sec. (Goes to the mirror) Hey you! Behind the
|
||
glass! Who are you looking at! I've always wanted to say that when I was in one of these
|
||
rooms, (sees the look on his face) which was never!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The street outside Central Perk, Rachel is trying to sell the cat.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Show cat! Quality show cat! Show cat! (A woman approaches.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman No. 1:</b> (looks into the box) Oh my God! What's wrong with your baby?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It's not a baby! It's a cat!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman No. 1:</b> Eew! It's creepy looking!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh no! No! It's actually<6C>it's very sweet. It's very sweet. Look!
|
||
(Goes to pet it and it hisses at her.) Yeah, do you want it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman No. 1:</b> (laughs) No, I hate cats.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, so then what are you doing to me? Okay? Just get out of here! All
|
||
right? Move on!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Another woman approaches.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman No. 2:</b> Wow! What an unusual cat!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes! Thank you! Exactly! You want it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman No. 2:</b> Maybe. I was thinking about getting a cat, I was just going to go
|
||
to the shelter (Good for her) but<75> Okay, why not?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, terrific! That'll be $2,000.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman No. 2:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, a thousand.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman No. 2:</b> I thought you wanted to adopt your cat.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I do, but you're just gonna have to actually look at this as more
|
||
of an investment than a cat.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman No. 2:</b> Okay, yeah, I just wanted a cat. (Starts to leave.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (makes some unintelligible sound to stop her from leaving) Obviously you
|
||
know how to haggle, so I'm not gonna try and take you on. Okay? So $800 and I don't call
|
||
the cops because you're robbing me blind! Blind! (Covers her eyes) Just take cat, leave
|
||
the money, and run away! Run away! (Uncovers her eyes and sees that the woman has fled)
|
||
Damnit! (To the cat) Cat, can't you at least smile or something?! (The cat hisses at her
|
||
again, it sounds like Rachel) Okay, did anybody just hear that? Anybody?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Ross, Monica, and now Chandler are still playing
|
||
catch. The guys are exhausted and sitting around the room. Monica is still standing all
|
||
pumped up and being hyper-competitive yet again. {Okay! We get it! She's competitive!!
|
||
Must we see <b>all</b> the time?!}]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I'm starving! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Come on guys! Suck it up! We're closing in on ten hours! It's gut-check
|
||
time!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I don't know who made you the boss? All right? We (Ross and him) invented
|
||
this game!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Please! I made this game what it is.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Not fun anymore?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I'm still hungry! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, there's some pizza at my place, we can all eat with one hand
|
||
right? Are you with me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I am!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right! Let's go! (Runs to the door.) Let's go Team Monica! (The guys
|
||
all stop and stare at her) All right, we can work out the name later.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to her apartment where Rachel is sitting at the table.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Rachel! What is your cat doing in one of my bowls!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It's not! I'm defrosting a chicken. (Pause) Oh, I uh sold Mrs.
|
||
Whiskerson.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, thank God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Did you get your money back?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, 15 hundred dollars.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wow! You made a profit!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gunther:</b> (entering with the cat) I just came for the red-velvet pillow.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh yeah, there you go. (Hands over the pillow.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gunther:</b> Thanks Rachel. And-and don't forget you-you can come visit her anytime
|
||
you want.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh good, great! I'll-I'll keep that in mind. (Turns and walks away.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gunther:</b> (To Ross) Hey! So what is this? Some kind of snake or something?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Gary and Phoebe's apartment, it's morning and they're both waking up in bed.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> I really like waking up with you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I like waking up with you too. (Looks out the window) Oh! It's such a
|
||
beautiful morning. (Some birds are singing outside the window) Oh, I can stay here all
|
||
day.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> That would be great!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> We could have breakfast in bed<65></p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gary:</b> Wait, just a second. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. (He grabs his gun and shoots the bird.) Oh! Oh no.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Hyper-competitive Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Ross
|
||
are still playing catch. Monica is finally tiring while the rest of them are totally
|
||
exhausted and virtually asleep.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right! Come on Monica! Look alive! Come on, look alive!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering) Oh good, you're all up.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe! It's 6 o'clock in the morning! Why aren't you at Gary's?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh yeah, that's over.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Come on! Gary's such a great guy! Whatever the problem is, you can
|
||
work it out!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> He shot a bird!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh that is over!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> That's terrible! I'm sorry!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe, are you okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah. Yeah, I'll be alright.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh hey, here Pheebs. (He throws her the ball.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (catches it) Nah, I don't feel like playing. (She sets the ball down on
|
||
the table and everyone gasps.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> It's okay. It's okay. Just pretend that it didn't happen! Okay? No one
|
||
needs to know! I mean, Phoebe's not an official ballplayer! I mean, only official
|
||
ballplayers can drop the ball!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> All right. Okay. I'm starving! (They all get up, thus officially ending the
|
||
game.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe, honey, wanna get some breakfast?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay! Okay, let's race! First one there wins! Ha-ha! (Runs out the door
|
||
and everyone watches her leave.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Pause)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You guys wanna eat here?</p>
|
||
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||
<p><b>All:</b> Yeah! As long as we're here!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Man that was great! Huh? Can you believe how long we threw that ball
|
||
around?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, it is amazing it lasted that long.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I know. My arm is killing me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, I meant with the dropper over here. (Points at Chandler.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know, how did I get this reputation as a dropper? Okay? I'm <b>anything</b>
|
||
but a dropper. (We see various scenes of him dropping a football, a mug of coffee, the
|
||
phone, an apple, a Frisbee, a record, and the final scene has a ball bouncing off of his
|
||
chest. I'm not going to describe them, you'll have to see them.)</p>
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||
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<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
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<hr>
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