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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With The Hypnosis Tape</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="white" text="black" link="green" vlink="black" alink="yellow" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With The Hypnosis Tape</h1>
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<hr align="center">
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<p>Written by: Seth Kurland<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, all but Chandler are there, Joey laughs for no apparent reason.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (to Joey) What’s so funny?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, nothing, no. It’s an acting exercise, I’m practising my fake
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laugh.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh. (she laughs)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What-what’s so funny?</p>
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<p>(Chandler enters with a cigarette.)</p>
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<p><b>Gunther:</b> (to Chandler) Oh, no-no, no-no-no, there’s none of that in here.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh come on man! At least let me finish this last one.</p>
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<p><b>Gunther:</b> Okay, but only if you give me a drag.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p>(Chandler hands him the cigarette, and he takes a long drag.)</p>
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<p><b>Gunther:</b> Oh dark mother, once again I suckle at your smokey tit. (hands Chandler
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back the cigarette.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No-no, why don’t you hang on to that one.</p>
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<p>(He goes and sits down next to Rachel and puts a cigarette in his mouth, which Rachel
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takes away from him. He puts another cigarette in his mouth, and Rachel takes it away
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again.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, that’s like the least fun game ever.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I’m really sick of your smoking, so I brought something that
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is going to help you quit. (hands him an audio cassette)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh. (takes the cassette and puts it on his arm like the stop smoking
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patch, and it falls off.) Nope, that patch is no good. (Joey and Monica both do their fake
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laughs.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Come on, it’s a hypnosis tape. This woman at work used it for two
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weeks straight and she hasn’t smoked since.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Pffhah.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (to Ross) What’s your problem?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Nothing, it’s just that hypnosis is beyond crap.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross, I watched you get hypnotised in Atlantic City.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, that guy did not hypnotise me! Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh right, ‘cause you always pull your pants down at the count of
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three and play Wipe-out on your butt cheeks.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right, y'know forget hypnosis. The way to quit smoking is you have
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to dance naked in a field of heather, and then bath in the sweat of six healthy young men.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Or what my Father called Thursday night.</p>
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<p align="center"><b>Opening Credits</b></p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier, Ross is handing Rachel a cup of coffee.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Here you go.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, y'know what, I didn’t want cinnamon on this.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Sorry. (To remedy that, Ross scoops the cinnamon off of the top with his
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hand.)</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> (entering) Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God!! </p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Frank! Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> How are you?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What are you doing here?</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> Oh, well y'know, I would’ve called but I lost your phone number and
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then ah, my Mom locked me out of the house so I couldn’t find it. And then, I tried
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to find a pay phone, and ah, the receiver was cut off. So...</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What happened?</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> Ah, oh, the ah, vandalism.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> But, also, what happened between you and your Mom?</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> Well, we got into a fight ‘cause ah, she said I was to immature to
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get married.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Your getting married?!</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> Oh, yeah!</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Wow!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> My little brother’s getting married!!</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> Oh, I knew you’d be so cool about this. All right, ah, hey, do you
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want to meet her?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Do I?</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> Do you?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, I do, yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> Okay, cool, all right, she just ah, parking the truck. (to Joey) I’m
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gonna, I’m gonna get my ah, my fiancée man!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know, I would’ve bet good money that he’d be the first one
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of us to get married.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, isn’t it fantastic?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, ah, but Pheebs don’t you think he’s a little young to
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get married?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What, he’s 18.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Exactly, it’ll be illegal for him to drink at his own bachelor party.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, or-or to get a hooker.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Always illegal Joe.</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> (entering with his fiancée Alice, who is obviously much, much older than
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he is) Hey! Hey! This is ah, my fiancée, Mrs. Knight. (he points out Phoebe to her)</p>
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<p><b>Alice:</b> Y'know it-it’s funny, um, Frank told me so much about you, but your
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not how I pictured you at all.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, I’m a big surprise.</p>
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<p>(Ross lets them both sit in his chair.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> So, um, how-how did you guys meet?</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> Well um, I was in ah Mrs. Knight’s ah, I mean Alice, sorry, Alice, I
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always do that. I was in her ah, Home Ec class.</p>
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<p><b>Alice:</b> And he was my best student.</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> Yeah, she was my best teacher. </p>
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<p><b>Alice:</b> Ohhh. (They embrace in a very passionate kiss.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> If that doesn’t keep kids in school, what will?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> And so now you guys are gonna be married?</p>
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<p><b>Alice:</b> Yeah. Y'know we-we talked about just living together, but um, we want to
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have kids right away.</p>
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<p>(Both Chandler and Phoebe have shocked looks on their faces.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God!! Great!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wow, kids. Frank, are you sure you’re ready for that?</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> I mean, how hard can it be? Y'know, I mean, y'know, babies, y'know who
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doesn’t want babies right? And besides y'know, I never had a Dad around, and ah,
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now-now I always will, ‘cause y'know, it’ll be me. Right?</p>
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<p><b>Alice:</b> Y'know, I mean, really we do realise that there’s an age difference
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between us.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh good! Okay. ‘Cause you were acting like you didn’t.</p>
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<p><b>Alice:</b> Oh no, but when it comes to love, what does age matter?</p>
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<p>(They both growl and hiss at each other and then kiss passionately again.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler’s bedroom, Chandler is listening to the hypnosis tape.]</p>
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<p><b>Hypnosis Tape:</b> You are falling fast asleep. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. You are now
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completely asleep. You don’t need to smoke. Cigarettes don’t control you. You
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are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman.</p>
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<p>[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Monica is working, Rachel is having lunch.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> And y'know what, I just realised, in the last year I’ve only gone
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out with two guys, Richard and Julio. You gotta help me out here, you gotta set me up, you
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gotta get me back in the game.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, that shouldn’t be a problem. I mean I work in fashion and all
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I meet are eligible straight men.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (to a customer) Pete, can I get you something else?</p>
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<p><b>Pete:</b> Yeah, a slice of cheesecake and-and a date if you’re given’
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‘em out.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Haven’t you and I covered that topic?</p>
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<p><b>Pete:</b> Hmm, come on, you just said to her that you….</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Aww, the only reason you want to go out with me because my blond wig,
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and the big boobs, and the fact that I serve you food.</p>
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<p><b>Pete:</b> Well, if that were true, I’d dating my Aunt Ruth. And the two times
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we went out were just plain awkward. (to Rachel) Come on, you think she should go out with
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me, don’t you?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (laughs) Well, I mean, are you sure you want to go out with her? I mean
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that ain’t a pretty picture in the morning, y’know what I mean. That wig all in
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disarray, and boobs flung over the night stand, y'know. </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I mean really, think about it.</p>
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<p><b>Pete:</b> Ho-ho, I will.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are being lectured by Phoebe.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, I know, I know, that this is Frank’s life, (walks behind them,
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they turn around in the leather chairs to face her) y'know. Y'know, I don’t want to
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be all judgmental, y'know, but this is sick, it’s sick and wrong!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Pheebs, what, is it the age thing?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No-no, oh, I’m fine with the age thing y'know, until it starts
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sticking it’s tongue down my little brother’s throat! </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Pheebs, he seems to enjoy it.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> But, I mean, do you think he’s gonna enjoy it when he’s up to
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his elbows in the diapers from all the babies they have to have right away?! This is not
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fair to Frank, (she walks behind them again, and hey again turn to follow her) and
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it-it’s not fair to the babies, and y'know what, it’s not good home economics.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, have-have you told him how you feel?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes. Not out loud.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Pheebs, if you don’t tell him, soon he’s gonna be married, and
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then you’re gonna hate yourself.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, but if I do tell him, then he’s gonna hate myself. I mean
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look at him and his Mom, I can’t. (pause) But, you guys can, please you gotta talk
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him out of it.</p>
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<p><b>Ross and Joey:</b> No-no-no-no-no. (They start to turn away, but Phoebe stops them,
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and turns them back to face her.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Come on, you guys, you have nothing to lose, I have everything to lose.
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Do you want me to lose everything? Everything?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross and Joey:</b> No.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, I’m gonna go get Frank. (exits)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> So, we’re walking down the street and I turn to you and I say,
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“Hey, let’s go hang out at Totally Nude Nudes,” remember? And then, and
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then, you turn to me and say, “Nah, let’s just hang out at your place.”
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Well, that was a nice move dumb ass. </p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Monica are entering.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I think you should definitely go out with this guy.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Nah, he doesn’t do anything for me.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Monica, last Saturday night, what happened on <i>Walker: Texas Ranger</i>?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, umm, Walker was looking for this big bus load of kids….
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(realises) All right, I get your point.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering, carrying a briefcase) Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know, I forgot the combination to this about a year ago? I just
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carry it around. Do you have any Chap Stick?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Uh, yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey, how are those tapes working out for ya?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know what, pretty good.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Good! I haven’t smoked yet today, I feel great, and-and-and
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confident, that is a stunning blouse.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thank you.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Here you go.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Thanks</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey Mon, let’s give Pete a chance Come on, he was funny, he seems
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really nice, and that check thing was adorable.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What check thing?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> As a joke, this customer at work who has a crush on me gave me a $20,000
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tip. His number is on the check, he just did so I’d call him.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (reading the check) Pete Becker. Pete… (quickly grabs a magazine
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and opens it up to show her a picture) (pointing to the picture) Is this him?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> That’s Bill Clinton.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Who’s he huggin’?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God! That’s Pete! But why is Bill huggin’ Pete?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> This guy invented Moss 865! Every office in the world uses that
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program!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> We use it!!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> There you go!!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God, Monica’s gonna go out with a millionaire. </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I’m not gonna go out with him.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God, I can’t believe this is a real $20,000 check, oh this is
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just so exciting.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Or incredibly offensive.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh yeah, sure, that too.</p>
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<p>(Chandler is putting on the Chap Stick the same way that women put on lipstick,
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including the bit with the piece of tissue.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to the girls who are staring at him) What?</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Joey are talking to Frank.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> All we’re saying is don’t rush into anything.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, come on, think about it. You’re 18, okay, she’s 44, when
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you’re 36, she’s gonna be 88.</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> What, you don’t think I know that?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Look, the point is, there’s a lot of women out there you haven’t
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even had sex with yet!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, he-he’s right, he’s right. This is your time y'know, yeah,
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you’re young, you’re-you’re weird, chicks dig that.</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> Okay, but isn’t sex better when it’s with one person that you
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really, really care about.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, in a poem maybe.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No the man’s right, that’s what I had with Rachel.</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> You don’t have it anymore?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No, I ah, I slept with someone else.</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> Okay, so wait, all right, so how does that make things better?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> It didn’t.</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> Okay, so what you used to have with Rachel, is what I’ve got with
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Alice.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Now, wh-what, what is that like?</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> It’s so cool man, it’s so, it’s just ‘cause being
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with her is so much better than like not being with her.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (to Ross) Why can’t I find that?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Don’t ask me, I had it and I blew it!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, I want it!</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> You can have it!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I don’t know, maybe I can’t. I mean, maybe there’s
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something wrong with me.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, no! No!</p>
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<p><b>Frank:</b> It’s out there man! I’ve seen it! I got it!!</p>
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Then you hold on to it!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> All right, man!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, congratulations you lucky bastard! (hugs him)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it’s after Ross and Joey’s talk with Frank, and
|
||
Phoebe’s is finding out what happened.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (to Joey) You’re Frank’s best man?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I couldn’t help it, there love is so pure.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well then, (to Ross) what about you?! Huh?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m the ring bearer.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(As Phoebe stands there in shock and disbelief, Chandler comes out of the bathroom and
|
||
walks to his bedroom. He’s just got out of the shower and has the towel wrapped
|
||
around himself high across his chest, and another towel wrapped around his head, like
|
||
women wear towels. Joey watches Chandler wondering what the hell he’s doing.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>Commercial Break</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Phoebe’s, Phoebe is opening the door.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hi! Oh, Alice, hi! Thanks. I’m so glad you could come, ‘cause
|
||
I’ve got a real umm, Home Ec emergency. (Points to the table cloth, which has a huge
|
||
mustard stain on it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Alice:</b> Oh my God, who died on this?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, I know. It’s a real mustard-tastrophe. Can you help me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Alice:</b> Absolutely. Okay, first we’ll start with a little club soda and
|
||
salt, and then if that doesn’t work we can go back to…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Y'know what, forget it. It’s ruined. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Alice:</b> Oh no-no, never say that. If we can’t get it out then we can cut
|
||
around the stain, add a little lace, you make a stylish throw.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Or instead, maybe you could just not marry my brother Frank.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Pete’s office, he is participating in a conference call with three other
|
||
employees, each of whom are on a different TV screen that he controls with a remote.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Pete:</b> Okay, that’s great, but can we make it smaller? Can we make it fit on
|
||
the head of a pin? I love when we make things fit on the head of a pin.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Got it. Yeah all right. Yeah, okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The intercom buzzes.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Secretary:</b> You have a Miss Monica Geller here.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Pete:</b> Uh, absolutely, yeah, sEnd her in. (Monica enters) Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What the hell is this? (holding up the check)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Pete:</b> Hang on a second. (to the employees) I’ll-I’ll talk to you in
|
||
the morning. (turns two of the three off) I’m sorry what?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Seriously, what is this supposed to mean?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Pete:</b> Well, y’know, I never know how much to tip.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You’re supposed to double the tax. Not double the tax of Romania. I
|
||
mean, what’s-what’s the deal? Are you, are you trying to buy me? Is this the way
|
||
you get girls to go out with you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Employee:</b> Umm, I’m still here.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Pete:</b> (turns off the TV) You’re taking this all wrong. Because, if I
|
||
didn’t leave you that tip, you wouldn’t of come down here, we wouldn’t be
|
||
having this argument, and there wouldn’t be this ah, heat between us.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Pete:</b> Come on, you gotta admit that our relationship is ah, is hitting a new
|
||
level now. ‘Cause you used to be like the chef, and I was the customer, and now
|
||
we’re like this-this couple that fights.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, umm, you’re a loon.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Pete:</b> Look, forget the check, okay. (rips up the check) I like you. I think
|
||
you’re great. Come on, what do you say?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I don’t know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Pete:</b> Why not?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> ‘Cause I don’t want to encourage this kind of behaviour.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Pete:</b> One meal! That’s all I’m asking for. Please? We go out, we eat,
|
||
and if you don’t have a good time, I give you ten grand, we call it even.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Phoebe’s, she is coming home. She turns on the lights, and sits down on
|
||
the couch.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> (hiding under a pile of clothes) Hi. (She jumps up screaming.) Wait, no!
|
||
Just put the mail down. It’s-it’s me!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. Whoa, sorry. Why were you just like all in the dark?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Oh well, um, your, your laundry just smelled so good, that I thought
|
||
I’d curl up in it. Is that all right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, yeah, sure. So, how was your day?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Oh, well just probably the worst one since I’ve been alive.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What umm, what happened?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Umm, Alice ah, she ah, called it off.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh no. Did umm, did she say why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Uh, no, not really, just that I was too young, y'know, but I don’t
|
||
see how I could all of the sudden be too young, ‘cause I’m older than I was when
|
||
we first got together.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, yeah, no, I don’t, I don’t know. But, y'know what, maybe
|
||
it’s just all for the best?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Yeah, if the best is like unbelievable pain!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, sweetie, oh. (hugs him)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Y'know, I just was finally happy y'know. For the first time in my life!
|
||
After my Dad left me, and then, and then getting arrested for stealing those birds, and
|
||
then, and then the whole punctured lung thing! I can, it’s still really hard to take
|
||
deep breaths in cold weather, but with Alice all that stuff kinda went away. And now
|
||
it’s, and now it’s gone and I don’t know why!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh, well I can tell you why. It’s, it’s because of me. But,
|
||
y'know what, I only did it because I love you. Okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, well I, I kinda had a little chat with Alice, and I sort of made
|
||
her see why you two shouldn’t be together, y'know. And you’re gonna see it to,
|
||
one day, you really, really will.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Wait a minute, wait, this is because of you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Well, you, wait no, my Mother didn’t want us to be together, but the
|
||
worst thing she ever did was tie me to the porch. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, but.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Wait, y'know what, I-I came to you because I thought you’d
|
||
understand! Oh no!! Y'know, I would storm out of here right now if-if I had some money, or
|
||
a place to go…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting Monica ready for her date. The guys are
|
||
also there. The door buzzes.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God! The millionaire’s here!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (in a feminine way) Oh my God! (and he jumps all around)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Guys, please, I’m just gonna have dinner with him. Okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, okay, just because he buys you dinner, does not mean you owe him
|
||
anything.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I know!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, then get the lobster!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (opening the door) (to Pete) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Pete:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They’re all staring at him, with big, huge smiles on their faces.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, how much cash do you got in your pocket right now?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> And that’s why, I’m not inviting you in for a drink. (starts
|
||
to leave) Bye.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Oh-no-no-no-no….</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Just one drink?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (in the hallway) So, where do you want to go?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Pete:</b> Hey, you like pizza?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, that’s sounds great.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Pete:</b> I know a great little place.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to a shot of the coliseum in Rome, Italy.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: A restaurant in Rome, Monica is paying for the pizza.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Pete:</b> You’re, hey, you’re not paying for the pizza!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh come on, it’s only fair, you paid for the flight. Now is, is
|
||
that enough lire?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Pete:</b> Ahh, I’d throw another thousand on that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why, how much is that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Pete:</b> That’s about 60 cents.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it’s the middle of the night. Joey is walking into
|
||
the living room, and runs into the entertainment centre.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Every night!! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He starts to walk to the bathroom and hears the hypnosis tape from Chandler’s
|
||
bedroom.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Hypnosis Tape:</b> You do not need to smoke. Cigarettes don’t control you. You
|
||
are a strong, confident woman, who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman, who
|
||
does not need to smoke. (Joey walks out smiling to himself.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Phoebe’s, Frank is watching TV, and he’s very depressed as Phoebe
|
||
enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey, Frank. Look, okay, I know that you think I did like this totally
|
||
evil thing, but I so didn’t. There’s someone here who can explain this better
|
||
than I can.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Alice:</b> Hi Frank.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Hi, Mrs. Knight.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Alice:</b> Phoebe’s right Frank. I know it’s hard to hear, but it
|
||
would’ve been wrong to go through with it. I-I-I was being selfish, even though we,
|
||
we want the same things now, in the future we may not. (to Phoebe) Is that it, is that
|
||
what it is?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, but not just that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Alice:</b> Right, not just that. Umm, even though we love each other as much as we
|
||
do, none the less…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> None the less.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Alice:</b> None the less. Umm, you’re too young to, to really know what you
|
||
want. (They embrace in a passionate kiss.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That’s right, exactly. (sees them) All right, it’s a good bye
|
||
kiss, that’s good. (Frank picks Alice up and they move to the couch) Bye-bye. (They
|
||
both lie down on the couch and start to make out.) Okay, no, the important thing is that
|
||
you see what I’m saying, y'know, just y'know, this is clearly wrong. (They ignore
|
||
her) Okay, I’ve decided I’m gonna let this happen! Okay, can I just get my
|
||
purse? (She reaches in and Alice moans) Okay, all right, good. (leaves).</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>Closing Credits</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler’s bedroom, he’s listening to the hypnosis tape again.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Hypnosis Tape:</b> Cigarette’s don’t control you. You are a strong,
|
||
confident woman, who does not need to smoke. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (He’s recorded his voice on the tape) Joey’s your best friEnd.
|
||
You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. (he laughs) And you also want to buy him
|
||
hundreds of dollars worth of pants. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Chandler wakes up and stares at the tape.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>End</b></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |