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<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/624towtp.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With The Proposal</title>
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<meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 3.0">
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<body link="#008000" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With The Proposal</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Part I Written by: Shana Goldberg-Meehan & Scott Silveri<br>
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Part II Written by: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen<br>
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Parts I and II Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is showing Ross, Rachel, Joey, and
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Phoebe his engagement ring again.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> God that is the most beautiful engagement ring ever!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah? Well, you should know. You’ve bought like a billion of
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‘em.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, you didn’t get one.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, well tonight’s the big night.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay listen, how are you gonna ask her?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> It is going to be perfect. I am taking her to her favorite restaurant.
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I’m going to get her a bottle of the champagne that she really loves; therefore knows
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how expensive it is. Then when the glasses are full, instead of proposing a toast I’m
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just gonna propose.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh…</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> That sounds perfect!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> You’re gonna mess it up let me do it.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I’m not gonna mess it up.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> If she says no, can I have the ring?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> She’s not gonna say no.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> <b>If</b>!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p>(Monica’s entrance makes Phoebe try to hide the ring by putting it in her mouth.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (with her mouthful) Hi Monica.</p>
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<p>(Monica goes into her room.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (To Phoebe) Give me it!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It’s gone.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Phoebe!</p>
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<p>(She takes it out of her mouth and hands it to him as Monica returns from her room and
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this time forcing Chandler to put the ring in his mouth.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (with his mouthful) Hi Monica.</p>
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<p>(She goes into the bathroom.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (To Chandler) We’re practically kissing. (Makes a kissy face and
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winks at him.)</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there as Rachel enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Rach!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Are any of you guys free tonight? My boss is hosting this charity event
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for underprivileged kids and the more people I bring, the better I look. So, Monica?
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Chandler?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (glaring at her) Well, Monica and Chandler can’t go. We’re
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going to dinner remember?!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God, I’m so sorry.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What’s the big deal?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I just get mad when Rachel doesn’t remember where we’re
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going.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Where are you going?</p>
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<p>(Chandler stares at him.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> How about you guys? (Points to Phoebe and Joey.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Open bar?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I think so.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I can do that for the kids.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, y’know what? I’ll come too. I’m making money now;
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it’s about time I give something back.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, you could also give back the money you owe me.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay. Have a benefit.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey! Ross, listen can you come to a charity event tonight?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh no, I have plans with Elizabeth.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, so you’re already doing your part for the kids.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m sorry, it’s just one of my last nights together before she
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leaves for camp—to be a counselor!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Ross let me ask you a question. All jokes aside, where is this
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relationship going?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Wait a minute, all jokes aside? I didn’t agree to that!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Do you really see this as a long-term thing?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I don’t know.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Y’know, you are 12 years older than her.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Wait a minute, does-does everyone feel this way?</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Yeah! Yeah, sort of. I’m sorry.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh-uh—Wow! Uh, I thought you guys were just like making jokes, I had
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no idea. What you know what? You guys are wrong. Uh yes, there is a chronological age
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difference but I never notice it. You know why? Because she is very mature. Besides, it
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doesn’t really matter to me what you guys think. I mean, I’m the one dating
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Elizabeth, not you!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> That’s not what she said last night. (Ross glares at him.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> See? Now, he could date her.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is practicing proposing.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Will you marry me? <b>Will</b> you marry me? (Makes like a gun with
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his fingers.) Hey, you marry me! (He gives up as Joey, Rachel, Phoebe, and Ross slink in
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all excited.) What’s going on little elves?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> It’s the big night! We wanted to wish you good luck!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, yeah you have the ring?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, right here in my pocket. (Pats his pocket. Phoebe smiles, goes
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over to hug him, and removes the ring from his pocket.) Pheebs?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! Oop! (Hands him back the ring.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, now will you guys get out of here? I want this is to be a
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surprise and she’s gonna know.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (to the rest of them) Yeah-yeah you guys. Get out of here!</p>
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<p>(Monica enters from the bedroom.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hi guys.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (To Monica) You are beautiful.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, thank you! (The gang exhibits signs of quiet apprehension and wears
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knowing glances.) (Monica giggles.) What’s going on?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (breaking up) We’re just really…very excited about this
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charity event that we have to go to.</p>
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<p>[Scene: The Charity Event, they’re holding a silent auction, Rachel is looking at
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one of the items and Phoebe walks up and hands her a glass of wine.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Here.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh! Thank you!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So now what’s going on here?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh well, uh this is a silent auction. They lay out all the stuff here
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and then you write down your offer and then the highest bid gets it.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, I know what a silent is I meant, what’s going on with your
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hair?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (suddenly worried) Uh, wh-why?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No! It’s nice!</p>
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<p>(Rachel’s boss, Mr. Thompson walks up.)</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Thompson:</b> Nice to see you Rachel.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, hi!</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Thompson:</b> So glad you brought someone.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Someone? I brought people. Mr. Thompson, this is Phoebe. Phoebe, this is
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Mr. Thompson. (She introduces them.) He’s the head of my department.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, hi. (They shake hands.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> And I also brought my friend Joey…</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (behind them) Oh!! Shrimp toast! (Walks right past the little group on his
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way for the shrimp toast.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, y’know I-I don’t know where he is.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Thompson:</b> Well, I hope you’re gonna bid on some things Rachel.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, y’know what? Actually, I was about to bid on this lovely trip
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to Paris.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Thompson:</b> Ohh, nice choice.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Thompson:</b> Good luck.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thank you. (Mr. Thompson walks away and after he’s left.) Okay,
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(writing her bid down) twenty dollars.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Elizabeth’s Dorm Room, Ross is walking up to her door and knocks on it.
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Suddenly the door opens and Elizabeth drags him into the room.]</p>
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<p>{Transcriber’s Note: Elizabeth has two friends in the room with her who are named
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in the credits, but not in this scene. So I’m just gonna guess since it doesn’t
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matter one way or the other. (The last part is to discourage e-mails, who cares if I got
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it right or not?)}</p>
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<p><b>Zoe:</b> Shut the door! Shut the door!! (Runs over and closes the door.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What’s-what’s going on?</p>
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<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> The guys across the hall are throwing water balloons at us.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, you have to call the police! That’s what I did to the kids in my
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building!</p>
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<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> No, it’s a water balloon fight! We started it!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh! (Does a laugh/groan.) Listen umm, I, I just stopped by to see if you
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wanted to see this play tonight. Umm, it’s supposed to be excellent. The director is
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the same…</p>
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<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> (ignoring him and picking up a pitcher) Who drank all the Kamikazes? </p>
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<p><b>Sarah:</b> (approaching with two filled balloons in her hands) Nobody! We put them
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in here! (Indicates the aforementioned balloons causing both of them to scream in delight
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and start drinking from the balloons.)</p>
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<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> (To Ross) You want some?! (Starts to squirt the Kamikaze at him.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No! Okay! Okay! (Stops her.) Okay, look, can I, can I just-just talk to
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you for a second?</p>
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<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> Yeah, sure.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh, so this play umm, what do you think? It’s-it’s gotten great
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reviews! Y’know the uh…</p>
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<p>(Suddenly the door opens and two guys come rushing in wielding water balloons.)</p>
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<p><b>First Dorm Guy:</b> Attack! </p>
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<p>(They start lobbing the balloons in. Ross desperately tries to get out of the line of
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fire but is struck in the back. The girls all retreat to relative safety behind the
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couch.)</p>
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<p><b>Second Dorm Guy:</b> Put your balloons down!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>The Girls:</b> You put your balloons down!!</p>
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<p><b>First Dorm Guy:</b> You put your balloons down!!</p>
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<p>(Both opposing camps start screaming at each other to drop their weapons and surrender.
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Finally, Ross steps in as a mediator.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (screaming) Everybody <b>put</b> their balloons <b>down</b>!!! (There is a
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temporary cease fire.) Now this is a <b>nice</b> suit!! (Shows everyone where he was hit.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: The Charity Event, Mr. Thompson is announcing the winners of the silent
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auction.]</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Thompson:</b> Our next item is the romantic trip to Paris. (Pause.) It goes to
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Emil Alexander high a high bid of 2,300.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ugh! So close!</p>
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<p>(Phoebe returns a with a tray full of different kinds of drinks.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey you guys! Look! </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I got me some drinks!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What are you doing?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Open bar!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well now it’s an empty bar.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You just can’t stand anyone else enjoying themselves can’t
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you?</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Thompson:</b> And finally, our biggest item of the night, the 22-foot
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gentleman’s day sailer sailboat. The winning bid was a whooping $20,000! (Joey
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suddenly gets excited.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I won! That was my guess!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?! What?! What?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I guessed 20,000!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey! It is an auction! You don’t guess, you buy!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What?! I don’t have 20,000!</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Thompson:</b> Congratulations on your new boat, Joey Tribbiani!!</p>
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<p>(Everyone applauds and he stands up slowly.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey! Sit down! (Pulls him down.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Forget her! You enjoy this!! (Pulls him back up and starts applauding
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again. Joey waves and does a salute.] </p>
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<p>[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Chandler are sitting at a table. Monica is checking
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her makeup as Chandler suddenly has a horrifying thought and starts patting down his
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pockets until he finds what he’s looking for and sighs in relief.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What are you doing?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (trying to cover up why his hand is over his heart) One nation, under
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God. Indivisible with liberty and justice for all. (Laughs.) I remembered it. (It’s a
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butchered version of the Pledge of Allegiance of the United States for our foreign
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friends.) The champagne is here. (The waiter is delivering it and pouring two glasses.) </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Are you okay?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes! Yes! I’m good! Are you good? Are you good? Is
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everything—are you—are you perrr-perfect?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah. I’m okay. I’m actually—I’m a little cold, can
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I have your jacket?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, yeah. (Starts to take it off and then realizes) Uh, no you
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can’t have my jacket! Because then I would be cold! If you thought that you were
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going to be cold, you should’ve brought your own jacket. But uh, other than that, are
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||
you okay? Are you okay?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (laughs) Are you sure you’re okay?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes! I’m fine. In fact I’ve been fine for a long time now
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and I think, the reason is you.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Ohh that’s sweet!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay umm, before I meant you I had really little life and I
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couldn’t imagine growing old with…</p>
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<p>(As he’s talking Monica notices someone familiar has just entered the restaurant.
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Let’s see; I seem to remember him driving a <i>Ferrari</i> in Hawaii solving crimes
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as a private investigator and as a certain eye doctor in more recent times.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (interrupting him) Oh my God!</p>
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||
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (not knowing the true meaning of her exclamation) I know, but just let
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me say it.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God, Richard. (Yep, Richard’s back.)</p>
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||
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?! I’m Chandler! (She nods towards the doorway, Chandler
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turns and looks) Oh, that’s Richard!</p>
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||
|
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh God, maybe he won’t see us. Richard!</p>
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||
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<p>(Monica smiles then acts shocked. Chandler can’t believe she just did that.)</p>
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||
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<p><b>Richard:</b> (approaching them with a woman in tow) Monica! Chandler!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey-hey, hey! (Gets up and hugs him.) I don’t know why I did
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||
that!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey, it’s good to see you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> You too, you let uh, your hair grow long.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah—Oh that’s right. You, you always wanted me too. Hey, I
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||
see you got your mustache back.</p>
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||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Well, my nose got lonely.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Richard’s date) And uh, you don’t have a mustache which
|
||
is good. (She just smiles.) I’m Chandler; I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Richard’s Date:</b> Hi, I’m Lisa.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Oh, I’m sorry. (Introduces them.) Lisa, (nodding at each) Monica,
|
||
Chandler. We used to date.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Richard! No one supposed to know about us! (Richard just smiles at
|
||
him.) See I, did it again.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Chandler, wh-why don’t we sit down?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I’ll sit down. (He slides back into his chair.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (to Richard) It’s good to see you</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Matire'd:</b> (to Richard) You’re table’s ready sir.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Oh. Good to see you guys.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes. (Thinking he’s gone.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Matire'd:</b> (motioning to the empty table next to Monica and Chandler’s) Or
|
||
if you prefer, this table is available.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> That might be fun. (Richard and Lisa sit down.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Charity Event, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey are sitting at their table.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> <b>What</b> were you thinking?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I didn’t know it was an auction!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wh?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I figured, take a guess, help a charity, free boat!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Why would a charity give away a free boat?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I don’t know! Charity?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ugh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, just buy the damn boat! (She’s still working her way through
|
||
her tray of booze.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe, don’t you think you’ve had enough to drink?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’m just helping the kids!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> How is you drinking helping the kids?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Because the more I drink, the less there is for the kids to drink.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Thompson:</b> (approaching) Mr. Tribbiani.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Thompson:</b> Your generous contribution brings us a big step closer to building
|
||
the youth center.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Just out of curiosity, how-how much is that boat worth?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Thompson:</b> I think it was valued at 19,000</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (To Rachel) Hey, I was pretty close. (She just glares at him.) Uhh, so bad
|
||
news. Umm, I can’t buy the boat, I don’t have any money.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Mr. Thompson looks shocked and at Rachel, she suddenly starts laughing.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey! Joey, good one! (Mr. Thompson starts to laugh.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Thompson:</b> That’s good. Very good! (Walks away.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(After he’s left, Rachel stops laughing and glares at Joey again.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So uh listen, I think I’m gonna take off now. (Starts to get up.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (stopping him) Hey! You…can’t…leave Joey! You agreed to
|
||
buy that boat, all right?! That is a contract! And plus if you leave, my boss is gonna
|
||
kill me!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, what am I gonna do Rach?! I don’t have that kind of money!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know. Okay. (Whispering and thinking.) Okay. Okay. All right. All
|
||
right, this is what we’re gonna do, we are gonna go to the next highest bidder, and
|
||
we are just gonna let them buy it, and then you’re just gonna pay the difference.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Look, I don’t know why the kids need a youth center anyway!
|
||
Y’know? They should just watch TV after school like I did and I turned out fine!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Not great.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Restaurant, Monica and Chandler’s and Richard and Lisa’s tables
|
||
have been pushed together and they’re all eating and talking.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> And so, we’re hiding in the bathroom.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> And-and then I sneak out and before Monica can her parents come in.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So I hide in the shower and the next thing you know they’re going
|
||
at it right on the bathroom floor.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Lisa:</b> (laughing) Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>{Transcriber’s Note: For further reading on the above story, please check out <a href="http://thecfsi.com/season2/216jmo.htm">The One Where Joey Moves Out</a>.}</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I got a good one, I got a good one! I once walked in on both my
|
||
parents making love to the same guy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(An awkward silence ensues.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> It’s so great seeing you guys again. I’d like to make a
|
||
toast. (Everyone raises their glasses) Uh, as a poet once said, "In the sweetness of
|
||
friendship, let there be laughter and sharing of pleasures for in the due of little things
|
||
the heart finds it’s morning and is refreshed."</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ohh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They all drink.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Chandler are returning to find Ross
|
||
is there waiting for them.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh my God, you guys!! (He’s excited about what he thought happened.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (stopping him from going any further) Before you say anything, have we
|
||
got a story for you! Guess who we bumped into at dinner!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Who?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Richard!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What? (Excited) A-ohh! (Realizes) Ohh. Oh that’s right that’s
|
||
right. That’s Richard’s favorite place too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh you knew that. Good!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I thought you were going out with Elizabeth.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, I was but uh, she was a little busy with a water balloon fight.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh Ross, sometimes grown-ups have commitments they just can’t get
|
||
out of!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Y’know, maybe she is too young for me. Y’know, when I was over
|
||
there and she was running around with her friends, I felt like I was a baby-sitter. I
|
||
finally started to see what you guys were talking about. I don’t know what to do.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why don’t you just weigh out the good stuff about the relationship
|
||
against the bad stuff. I mean that’s what I did when I first (looks at Chandler and
|
||
pauses) weighing stuff.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay umm, bad stuff. Well, I’m-I’m 12 years older than she is.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> If the school finds out you’re fired.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hmm.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> She’s leaving for three months.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> For cam<b>p</b>!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, good stuff. Umm, well she’s-she’s sweet and pretty
|
||
and…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Look Ross, the only question you need to ask is, "Do you see a
|
||
future?" I mean like do you see yourself marrying her? (Ross pauses in
|
||
consideration.) Oh my God! You did it already! You married her, didn’t you?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No! No! I…didn’t do that. It’s just… Okay, honestly
|
||
no. I don’t, I don’t see a big future with her.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay well I think…that’s your answer.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I’ve got to talk to her. Ugh, I hate this part.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, you have to forget about Elizabeth. I mean if you’re not
|
||
careful you may not get married at <b>all</b> this year!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Charity Event, Rachel and Phoebe are sitting at the table as Joey
|
||
approaches.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Rach! Rachel! Okay, the next highest bidder is at table one.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh great!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (To Phoebe) Oh and uh the guy who got the Paris trip is at table four.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (To Phoebe) Why do you care about the guy who won the Paris trip?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It’s a trip for two! (She gets up and takes off her blouse-type
|
||
thingy she’s wearing over her dress.) Excuse me. (She walks over to table four.)
|
||
Excuse me, is the person who won the Paris trip at this table?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Emil Alexander:</strong> That was me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, en chante. (She holds out her hand for him to kiss it, but he only
|
||
shakes it.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>{Transcriber’s Note: Please correct my French <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">here</a>.}</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Joey and Rachel approaching table one.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Uhh, excuse me is there a Mr. Bowmont at this table?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Bowmont:</b> That’s me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ahh, yes. (Pushes Rachel in front of himself so that she could do the
|
||
talking.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh well, hello. This is your lucky day Mr. Bowmont, the uh gentleman day
|
||
sailer as just become available again and I believe that you made a bid of $18,000.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You-you have to pay that! It’s not just a guess.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (To Joey) Okay. Okay. (Shushes him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Bowmont:</b> I was actually relieved uh I didn’t win the boat. My wife
|
||
would’ve killed me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Are you kidding me?! She’s gonna this boat!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Y-Yeah! What-what is your wife’s name?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Bowmont:</b> It’s Pam.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Pam! Oh God okay, just imagine this, "The Pam."</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Aw-awww!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Bowmont:</b> I don’t think she’d like that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, uh-uh imagine this, "The Mr. Bowmont."</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oooooh…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Bowmont:</b> I don’t think so dear.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay look, let me paint you a little picture. (She sits down next to
|
||
him.) All right, you are settin’ sail up the Hudson! You’ve got the wind in your
|
||
h—(sees that he’s bald)—arms! You-you get all that peace and quiet that
|
||
you’ve always wanted! You get back to nature! You can go fishin’! You
|
||
can—ooh, you can get one of those little hats and have people call you captain, and
|
||
then when you’re old, Cappy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Bowmont:</b> What the hell, it’s for a good cause! All right!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No way! It’s mine!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (To Joey) What?! What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All that stuff you just said? I want that!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> But Joey you don’t have $20,000!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Who cares?! I-I’ll make payments, whatever it takes, I want the Mr.
|
||
Bowmont!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica is taking out the garbage as Phoebe and
|
||
Joey enter. Phoebe gasps.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh my God, you’re back!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ohh, let me see it! Let me see your hand! (Chandler is frantically
|
||
trying to wave them off.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why do you want to see my hand?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I wanna see what’s in your hand. I wanna see the trash. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Chandler puts his face in his hands as Joey and Phoebe start to examine the trash.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Eww! Oh, it’s all dirty. You should throw this out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (suspiciously) Okay. (Exits to carry out Phoebe’s wishes.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (after the door closes) What did you guys just do?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What happened?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Richard was there so I couldn’t do it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What?! Noooo… (Phoebe gasps.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I’m gonna do it tomorrow y’know, and-and surprise her, but
|
||
now you’ve ruined it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> We didn’t ruin it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Who walks into a room and asks to see a person’s hands?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, a palm reader, a manicurist, a hand doctor…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> <b>Glove</b> salesman!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Good one! Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> This is terrible. What am I going to do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Look, she only suspects something okay? She doesn’t know for sure,
|
||
so just throw her off the track.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> That’s right, I can throw her off. I can make her think marriage
|
||
is the last thing on my mind.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah! Yeah! Convince her that-that you’re scared of commitment!
|
||
Convince her that you’re a little coward!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I can do that, I’ve had 30 years of practice.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, being you is finally gonna pay off! (They give each other fives.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering) I had to go all the way to the basement because some idiot
|
||
keeps stuffing the trash chute with pizza boxes!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> That guy’s still doing that?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering) Hey! (Sees Monica, gasps, and runs over to her.) Oh my God
|
||
you’re here, let me see your hand!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, you’re too late!!! She already took out the trash!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Outside of Elizabeth’s dormitory, Ross is exiting after breaking up with
|
||
her and we can hear his thoughts.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (in his head) <i>Wow! I have never had such a healthy break-up! She was
|
||
such a grown-up about it! She didn’t seem too immature for me! Did I just make a huge
|
||
mistake?</i></p><i>
|
||
</i>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> (sticking her head out her window) Ross! Wait!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Elizabeth, thank God! I was just thinking about…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Elizabeth:</b> You suck!! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She throws a water balloon at him and hits him on the head and hits him again at the
|
||
waist with another one.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, break-up’s still on!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is looking out the window and Joey is sitting on the
|
||
couch.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, okay, here she comes! (Sits on the couch next to him.) How do I
|
||
look? Do I look like a guy who doesn’t want to get married?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah! And also, a little like a French guy. (They both squint at each
|
||
other.) I never noticed that before.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering) Hi guys!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What are you up too?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, just hanging out, talkin’ about uh, websites. (Joey laughs.)
|
||
Yeah, we saw this really interesting website about marriage and how totally unnecessary it
|
||
is and how its just a way for the government to keep tabs on you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (laughs) Yeah, Big Brother.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well that’s a little crazy. Although I am y’know glad to hear
|
||
that you’re branching out on what you look at on the Internet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, well… Y’know, it just got me thinking though, why
|
||
would anybody ever want to get married huh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why?! To celebrate your relationship! To solidify your commitment! To
|
||
declare your love for one another to the world!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Eh…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay well that’s good to know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(We hear the backup horn of a truck and see through the window that the Mr. Bowmont has
|
||
arrived.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (all excited) The Mr. Bowmont’s here!!! (Jumps over the back off the
|
||
couch and runs out into the street.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica’s Restaurant’s kitchen, she’s cooking as a waitress
|
||
sticks her head in.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Waitress:</b> Hey Monica, there’s a customer who wants to complement the chef,
|
||
should I let him in?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Sure, I love this part! (Starts to look busy.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Waitress:</b> (to the customer) Come on in.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The customer turns out to be…)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Richard!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Actually, I’m not here to complement the chef.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ohh… Oh, that’s okay I hate when people come back to
|
||
complement the chef. Like I have nothing better to do! So what’s up?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Well, it was great seeing you the other night.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, good to see you too. Did you come down here to tell me that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> No! I came here to tell you something else. (Pause) I came here (Pause)
|
||
to tell you I still love you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica’s Restaurant, continued from earlier.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What uh—What did you—What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> I still love you. And I know I probably shouldn’t even be here
|
||
telling you this, I mean you’re with Chandler a guy I really like, and if you say
|
||
he’s straight I’ll believe you! After seeing ya the other night I knew if I
|
||
didn’t tell ya I’d regret it for the rest of my life. Letting you go was the
|
||
stupidest thing I ever did.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y’know you’re really not supposed to be back here!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Well yeah, I’m sorry. I know this is the wrong time and the wrong
|
||
place but I had to tell ya! I wanna spend my life with you. I wanna marry you. I wanna
|
||
have kids with you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh God… (Starts looking around.) Why don’t they put chairs
|
||
back here?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> I know this is crazy but am I too late?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What the… Yes you’re too late! Where was all this three years
|
||
ago?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Well I know I was an idiot! And I tried to forget you, I really did!
|
||
Y’know after we had lunch last year I spent <b>six</b> months in Africa trying to get
|
||
you out of my head!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What were you doing in Africa?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Working with blind kids.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ohhh! What are you doing to me?! Oh look, I-I… I’m sorry but
|
||
umm, this-this-this-this is not going to happen.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Okay that’s fine, I’ll walk away. And I’ll never bother
|
||
you again, but <b>only</b> if you tell me Chandler’s willing to give you everything I
|
||
am.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well he is! Yeah, I mean marriage is all he talks about! My goodness, in
|
||
fact, I’m the one that’s making <b>him</b> wait!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> You are?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Why? Because of the government.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is bringing Phoebe some coffee.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Isn’t it incredible?! Monica and Chandler, gettin’ married.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I know, they’re gonna be <b>so</b> happy together.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh… I mean two best friends falling in love, how often does that
|
||
happen?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> <b>Not</b> that often!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No! I’m so happy for them!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Me too! So happy for them!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m so happy and not at all jealous.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh no! No God, definitely not jealous!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They both take a drink of coffee.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I mean I’m probably 98% happy, maybe 2% jealous. And I mean
|
||
what’s 2%? That’s nothing.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Totally. I’m like 90/10.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah me too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey enters looking like Captain Stubing from the <i>Love Boat</i>.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey uh, have you guys scene Chandler?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (staring at him) Wh—no, but y’know who did stop in here
|
||
looking for ya, Tennille.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: A Pizza Joint, Chandler and Monica are eating lunch.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So that marriage stuff that you were saying yesterday, you don’t
|
||
really believe that do you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Sure I do. In fact, I think the whole concept of marriage is
|
||
unnatural. I mean look at pigs. Let’s take a second here and look at pigs. Okay pigs
|
||
don’t mate for life. I mean a pig can have like a hundred sexual partners in a
|
||
lifetime, and that’s just an ordinary pig not even a pig that’s good at sports!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, but that’s <b>pigs</b> not people!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> If marriage worked, I’d be all for it. But do you know what the
|
||
divorce rate in this country is? 97%.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wait a minute. Are you honestly telling me that-that you may <b>never</b>
|
||
want to get married?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, never say never but y’know probably uh yeah, never.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God! Then-then-then what are we even doing?! What is this?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What is all this pressure?! Is this some new kind of
|
||
strategy? Why don’t you put down your copy of ‘The Rules’ huh mantrap?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y’know what?! I gotta go! Ugh! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She gets up and storms out. The people at the other tables are staring at Chandler.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to them) It’s okay, I got a plan.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are still talking.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> We’re gonna find love!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Definitely!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, I’m pretty confident about that. That’s what makes it so
|
||
easy for me to be 80% happy for Monica and Chandler! It would be nice to have a little
|
||
guarantee though.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What do you mean?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well y’know, some people make deals with a friend, like if neither
|
||
of them are married by the time they’re 40, they marry each other.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You mean a backup?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Exactly!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, yeah I got that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hm-mmm.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Who?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Joey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Are you serious?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, I locked him years ago!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wh… So… If neither of you are married by the time you’re
|
||
40, you’re gonna marry Joey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yep, we shook on it. Yeah but believe me that is not how he wanted to
|
||
seal the deal.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, seriously?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ohh, yeah. I think his exact words were… (She makes two clicking
|
||
sounds with her tongue and purrs.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Charming.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well hey, it’s just a backup.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey, still looking like Captain Stubing, is practicing his
|
||
slipknots as Monica enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Monica!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Have you seen Rachel? Or a mirror?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> This is for my boat, pretty cool huh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, it’s great.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Whoa-whoa, what’s the matter?! Talk to the captain!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I’m just having one of those days where you realize you’re in
|
||
a dead-end relationship!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Chandler giving you a hard time huh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> It’s not like I want to get married tomorrow! It’s just that
|
||
I-I’d like to believe that I’m in a relationship that’s actually going
|
||
somewhere, that I’m not just wasting my time!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, you know Chandler.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No I don’t know Chandler! Not anymore! It’s like it’s
|
||
like something’s changed.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Maybe you changed?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I didn’t change!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Maybe that’s the problem.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Chandler is a complex fellow, one who is unlikely to take a wife.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Is that some kind of boat talk?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I don’t know! (All excited) I haven’t totally decided how to
|
||
talk on my boat yet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What does he think? Does he think I’m just gonna wait around for
|
||
nothing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Monica face it, Chandler is against marriage. And-and always will be!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (starts for the door) Well there’s some people who do want to marry
|
||
me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> There are?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah! Richard!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> R-R-Richard said he wants to marry you?! (Monica nods yes.) And-and
|
||
Chandler’s tellin’ ya how much he hates marriage?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> That’s right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Chandler <b>loves</b> marriage!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You just told me that he hates marriage! That-that he’s a-a complex
|
||
fellow who’s unlikely to take a wife! That-that he’s against marriage and always
|
||
will be!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You got <b>that</b> from what I said?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is watching a show about the extinction of the
|
||
dinosaurs.]</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Narrator:</b> When the Cretaceous period ended, the dinosaurs were gone.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What happened you guys?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(There’s a knock on the door, he shuts the TV off, and answers it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Rach!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, come on in.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh thank you. Hey y’know, I’m so sorry to hear about you and
|
||
Elizabeth.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, thanks. Yeah, I really thought we’d be able to make it work, but
|
||
uh, I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, love. It’s a tricky business isn’t it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I guess so.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> So what do you say we make a pact? If you and I are both single by the
|
||
time we’re 40, we get married. I mean, we know each other, we like each other, and
|
||
we’ve-we’ve already slept together so y’know there’ll be no surprises
|
||
there! You know what I mean? No like, "What’s that?!"</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Right. Ohh! You-you want me to be your backup.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Exactly.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ohh, yeah I already have one.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What? Who?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Phoebe.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe?! Wait a—but-but she just, she said that Joey was her
|
||
backup.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ohh, I don’t think so.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross! I just had a conversation with her, and she said that she and Joey
|
||
made a deal!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s impossible! I mean <b>we</b> have had a deal for years!
|
||
We-we-we shook on it, although believe me she wanted to do a lot more than that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Chandler is entering to find Joey, still
|
||
looking like Captain Stubing, on the phone.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Where the hell have you been?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I was making a coconut phone with the professor.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Richard told Monica he wants to marry her!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah! Yeah, I’ve been trying to find ya to tell to stop messing with
|
||
her and maybe I would have if these (lifts a leg) damn boat shoes wouldn’t keep
|
||
flying off!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> My—Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I know! They suck!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> He’s not supposed to ask my girlfriend to marry him! I’m
|
||
supposed to do that!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I know!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well what… Y’know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna go
|
||
over there; I’m gonna kick his ass! (Pause) Will you help me?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Look, Chandler I don’t think us getting our asses kicked is a
|
||
solution. Okay? Just <b>go</b> and find Monica!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You’re right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay. (Starts running for the bedroom) I’m gonna get the ring!
|
||
I’m gonna get the ring! (Does so) I’m gonna go find her and (starts running for
|
||
the door) I’m just going to propose!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay great.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Dude-dude-dude!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Let me know about that coconut phone, it might great for the boat.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Richard’s Apartment, he’s smoking a cigar and reading a book as there
|
||
is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door to reveal…]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I don’t know why I’m here.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> I didn’t ask. You wanna come in?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I don’t know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Oh, okay. Well, I’ll just leave the door open and go sit on the
|
||
couch. (Does so.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering) Chandler is such an idiot!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> (standing up quickly) Drink?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, I’ll have a scotch…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> …on the rocks with a twist? I remember. (Goes to make her drink.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (moving over to the couch) Still smoking cigars?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Uh, no! No! That’s…art! If it bothers you I can put my art
|
||
out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No that’s, that’s okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> So Monica let me ask you a question. Y’know, since we broke up do
|
||
you ever, think about me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Uh yeah, I-I actually I thought about you a couple months ago.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Oh really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah but it was because I-I had an eye exam and I don’t like my new
|
||
eye doctor.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Who is it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Edward Nevski?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Yeah he’s no good. Do you ever (pause) think about me in a (pause)
|
||
non-eye doctor way?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Ahh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> But getting over was the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do.
|
||
And I never let myself think about you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Richard mouths, "Wow!")</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is reading as Rachel enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe! You picked Joey and Ross?! You can not have two backups!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Of course I can! It’s just good sense to backup your backup! Look,
|
||
I’ve already lost Chandler!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Phoebe! We’re both (points at Ross and himself) your backup?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Phoebe, how could you do this to me?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I don’t—Look I don’t know what you’re complaining
|
||
about now? You were both aware of the situation!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(At the same time.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No we weren’t!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I was not!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, this kind of back talk is not gonna fly when we’re married!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe you can’t have both of them! You have to pick one!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Pick me!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No! Pick me! I don’t want to end up an old maid!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right well let’s see, Ross is a good father, but Joey has a
|
||
boat—This is hard!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> This is crazy! Hey look, I wanna switch to Rachel!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ooh, I wanna switch to Rachel too!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel gets all happy.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No wait! Just—Okay—Just wait! You guys! Wait you guys!
|
||
Don’t make any rash decisions, okay? Just remember my promise, when we get married,
|
||
three times a week.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh God, Phoebe!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (To Rachel) I’m talking about massages.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She turns her head away and when she’s not looking, Phoebe shakes her head and
|
||
mouths, "No, I’m not." Both Joey and Ross smile, look at each other, and
|
||
then stop smiling.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, y’know what?! I know-I know how to settle this! All right
|
||
here, this is what we’re gonna do! I’m gonna write Joey on one napkin (does so)
|
||
and I’m gonna right Ross on the other napkin (does so) and we are going to pick one!
|
||
And that person is going to be our backup! Okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay that’s fair.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> All right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Good!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel mixes them up in her hands, moves them all around, and puts her hands behind
|
||
her back.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Pick one.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Left! (Rachel hands her the napkin in her left hand and they both unfold
|
||
and read them.) Thank you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You’re welcome.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (reading) Ross!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (reading) Joey! (Pause) We should just switch.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah absolutely! (They both switch.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Richard’s Apartment, Monica is looking around and notices an African mask
|
||
hanging on the wall.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (to the mask) I missed you-you ugly, flat faced old freak!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Excuse me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh! (Laughs and points at the mask.) Him.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Oh. (Laughs.) Whew!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I missed this apartment! Now, this is a grown-up’s apartment!
|
||
Y’know, I-I should be with a grown-up, do you know what I mean?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Yeah! You’re saying, you need to be with someone more mature.
|
||
Maybe someone with, a license to practice medicine. Or a mustache.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y’know, let’s face it, I’m not a kid anymore! I-I need to
|
||
be with someone who-who wants the same things that I do! I mean coming to my place of work
|
||
and telling me that you love me, I want that! Talking about pig sex over lunch, I <b>don’t</b>
|
||
want that!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> I think that’s fair.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Fair? Please don’t even talk to me about fair! Fair would’ve
|
||
been you wanting to marry me back then! Or fair would’ve been Chandler wanting to
|
||
marry me now! Believe me, <b>nothing</b> about this is fair! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
|
||
Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> It’s okay! Shh! Hey. Hey. (Hugs her) Shhhh. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Nothing. (She backs away a little bit but is still in his arms and looks
|
||
up at his eyes.) I don’t kn—Umm. I don’t know. Umm…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> I know. (Backs away.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y’know, I-I… I have to figure…some st—Y’know,
|
||
some stuff before I can…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Yeah, I understand. Take as much time as you want. (Pause) Ten, even
|
||
twenty minutes if you need it. I’ll be here. Not smoking. (Monica leaves.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Richard’s Apartment, time lapse. Richard is smoking as he hears a knock on
|
||
the door. He quickly puts out his cigar and opens the door.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Chandler.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Where is she? I’m not scared of you! (Averts his eyes and walks
|
||
in.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> She’s not here and please come in.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (examining the coffee table) Scotch on the rocks, with a twist, on a
|
||
coaster? Ha-ha, Monica! Monica!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Okay, she was here, but she left.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well where did she go?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Well she said she had to think things over.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh my God, I can’t believe this! Y’know, I thought…I
|
||
thought you were a good guy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Oh, hey look nothing happened.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Nothing happened? Nothing? So you didn’t tell my girlfriend that
|
||
you love her?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Well all right, one thing happened?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y’know what? I can’t believe this! Do you know what you did?
|
||
My girlfriend is out there thinking things over! You made my girlfriend think!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Well I’m sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> And what does she have to think about? I love her!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Well, apparently I’m willing to offer her things that you are not.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> But I <b>am</b> willing to offer her all those things. This was just a
|
||
plan, y’know? A way to throw her off course so that when I offered her all these
|
||
things, she’d be surprised!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> Well if it helps, it worked very well.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> It was working until you showed up, you big tree! I mean, this
|
||
isn’t fair. You had your chance with her! You had your chance and you blew it! And
|
||
this is my chance and I am not going to blow it because <b>we</b> are meant for each
|
||
other! And this is all just been one stupid mistake! (Sits down heavily.) I was gonna
|
||
propose tonight.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> You were gonna propose? (Sits on the arm of the couch.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah I even (pause) got a ring. (Puts in on the center cushion.) Did
|
||
you get a ring?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> No I don’t have a ring! (Pause) You go get her Chandler. (Pause)
|
||
And can I give you a piece of advice? If you do get her, don’t let her go. Trust me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y’know Richard…you are a good guy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Richard:</b> I know. (Pause) I <b>hate</b> that!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Chandler gets up and runs out, but as soon as the door closes behind him he opens it,
|
||
runs back in, picks up his ring Richard is holding up for him, and runs back out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Hallway, Chandler is running up the stairs and towards his apartment, but
|
||
Joey is taking out the garbage at the same time and stops him in the hall.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Dude!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I can’t talk to you now, I gotta find Monica!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> She’s gone.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> She’s gone. She had a bag and she left.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What are you talking about?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> She was all crying. She-she said you guys want different things, and that
|
||
and that she needed time to think.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well why didn’t you stop her?! Why didn’t you just tell her
|
||
it was a plan?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I-I did! I told her everything, Chandler! But she wouldn’t believe
|
||
me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well where… Where did she go?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> To her parent’s I think and she said you shouldn’t call her. But
|
||
if I were you I would.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I can’t believe I ruined this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I am so sorry man.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles
|
||
and Monica standing in the living room.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You wanted it to be a surprise.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He turns to look at Joey who smiles slyly and closes the door leaving them alone.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh my God.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica gets down on one knee.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Chandler… In all my life… I never thought I would be so lucky.
|
||
(Starting to cry.) As to…fall in love with my best…my best… There’s a
|
||
reason why girls don’t do this!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! Oh God, I thought…
|
||
(Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I thought that it
|
||
mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is
|
||
that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. (Starting to cry
|
||
again.) And if you’ll let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you
|
||
feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you marry me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The crowd goes wild as he puts the ring on her finger. They hug and kiss this time as
|
||
an engaged couple.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I <b>knew</b> you were likely to take a wife!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They hug again.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (yelling through the door) Can we come it yet?! We’re dying out here!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Come in! Come in! (Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe burst through the door.)
|
||
We’re engaged!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Everyone screams and has a group hug.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohhh, this is the least jealous I’ve ever been!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh no wait no, this is wrong! Ross isn’t here!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh hell, he’s done this three times! He knows what its about!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They all hug again.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, it’s just Monica and Chandler dancing to <i>Wonderful
|
||
Tonight</i> on the <i>Slowhand</i> album by Eric Clapton. And you can buy that album from
|
||
the CFSI, just click on the CDNow link.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |