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<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season8/802towrs.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With The Red Sweater</title>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With The Red Sweater</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Dana Klein Borkow<br>
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Directed by: David Schwimmer<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: The Hotel Lobby, Rachel and Phoebe are at the front desk checking out.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Listen y’know what sir? For the last time, I don’t care what
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the computer says, we did not take a bag of Mashuga nuts from the mini-bar and we did not
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watch Dr. Do-Me-A-Little!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! Joey uh, were you in our room last night?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No. (Phoebe grabs the receipt and shows it to Joey who gets mad.) I was
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told the name of the movie would not appear on the bill!</p>
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<p>(Chandler and Monica enter.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to the front desk clerk) Hi! We’re checking out of the bridal
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suite.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (depressed) That’s right. I’m no longer a bride. I’ll
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never be a bride again. Now, I’m just someone’s wife!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> And I’m the happiest guy in the world! (Monica goes and sits down
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in a huff.) Oh honey, come on don’t be upset. We still have so much to look forward
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to!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh yeah, right. (Rolls her eyes.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> We got the honeymoon.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> That’s not ‘til Thursday.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> The wedding pictures?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> They won’t be ready for weeks.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Not the disposable cameras from the tables.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> That’s true! (Happily) I knew I married you for a reason!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I’ll tell you what, I will go get them developed and you can go
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home.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p>(Joey giggles.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What? What did you take a picture of?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Nothing! It was something.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay Ross has the cameras, has he checked out yet?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Are you joking? Check out is not ‘til noon and he has a good
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(checks her watch) eleven minutes left.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Ross has never checked out of a room a minute before he had to.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, one time, when we were dating, uh we got a late checkout, he got
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so excited it was the best sex we ever had. Until y’know, he screamed out <i>Radisson</i>
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at the end.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, well I’m gonna get Ross, get the cameras, and get them
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developed. (Joey laughs again.) 32 Joe. You’re 32! (Exits)</p>
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<p><b>Front Desk Clerk:</b> (To Monica) Here’s a copy of your bill.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh thanks. (Reading the bill) Champagne, strawberries…Oh my God! I
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can’t believe Chandler ordered porn on our wedding night!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, that’s sad. Mashuga nut?</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Ross’s Hotel Room, he is letting Chandler in.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey. (He sees that Ross is packing all of the hotel toiletries) Soaps?
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Shampoos? Are you really taking all this stuff?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Why not? It’s built into the price of the room.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah but you don’t need—(Picks up something)—What is
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this?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Thread!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Score! Where are the disposable cameras?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What disposable cameras?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> The cameras? Remember last night I told you to take them?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No you didn’t.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes! Remember? Right before we cut the cake, I went up to you and I
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said…</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh-oh yeah, you-you came up to me and asked if I could do you a favor, and
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my Uncle Murray came up to you and handed you a check. And then you said, "Why do
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they call it a check? Why not a Yugoslavian?" (Chandler laughs.) Yeah, then you did
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that.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> So you don’t have the cameras?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No. Sorry man.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> So? What? What? They’re gone! Monica’s gonna freak!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I’m sure they’re still somewhere here in the hotel.
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I’ll-I’ll help you look for them.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Great.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> In-in three minutes.</p>
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<p>(Chandler goes into the bathroom, closes the door, and then opens it again right away.
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Ross looks up and hands him the toilet paper Ross already packed.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Phoebe is entering to see Monica sitting in front of a
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mound of wedding gifts.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Are you gonna open the presents without Chandler?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No! (Pause) But, they’re callin’ out to me! I mean this little
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guy (Holds up a small one) even crawled up into my lap. Oh come on, Chandler wouldn’t
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mind if I opened just one present! What do you think it is?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> A little mirror that when you look into it you see yourself as an old
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woman.</p>
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<p>(Monica opens it anyways.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> A tiny salt shaker!!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ohhh! My God! For tiny salt!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh wow! Okay. Well that was fun.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Good. Okay, I’m just gonna wait for Chandler to open the rest of
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them.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Whew. Although y’know, this is part of a salt and pepper set. I
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mean… I guess y’know it may just count as a half a present. What do you think?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well I guess it’s okay to open one more if it’s part of a set.
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Y’know, it’s probably this one. (Grabs another small one.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Or this one! (She grabs and starts to open the biggest present.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering) Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey, how are you feelin’? Any morning sickness?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Shh-shh-shh! The guys don’t know yet do they?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No! Joey and Ross don’t know anything and Chandler still thinks
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that Phoebe’s pregnant.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah that’s right Chandler does still think I’m pregnant. He
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hasn’t asked me how I’m feeling or offered to carry my bags. Boy, I feel bad for
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the woman who ends up with him. (Monica looks at her.) After you of course.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Don’t worry I promise that you will only have to be pregnant for a
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few more hours, ‘cause I’m going to tell the father today.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, is it someone in this building? Is it that tall guy from the first
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floor?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ew! No!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?! I think he’s cute.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well then you have his baby.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Believe me I’m trying.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Wow. Y’know it is so weird. I mean, you’re gonna tell this guy
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today and he has no idea what’s gonna happen.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah. You’re just gonna knock on his door and change his life
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forever. You’re like Ed McMahon except without the big check, or the raw sexual
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magnetism.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah. Uh-huh, I guess it is pretty big news.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Pretty big? It’s huge! God, this guy doesn’t have a clue!
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He’s just walking down the street thinking, ‘I had sex with Rachel Green. I
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rock!’ then bam! He’s a father and everything’s different.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well it’s only different if he wants it to be. I mean, I’m not
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gonna ask him for anything.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. Then he still has this huge decision to make. Now he’s
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walking around thinking, ‘Do I want to be a dad?’ and then bam!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What was that bam?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I don’t. He got…he-he-he-he’s hit by a bus.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey Joey, what would you do if someone that you slept with told you that
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she was pregnant?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (warily) Who called here? Did she sound blond? Huh? Did-did-did she have
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an accent? I gotta make a call! (Starts to leave) I shoulda never walked into that
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Sunglass Hut!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh Joey! Joey! No, it’s not you! You didn’t get anybody
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pregnant!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh. Why would you scare me like that? What the hell is going on? (Pause.)
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Is somebody pregnant?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh yeah. That’s me.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh my God Pheebs! You’re gonna have a baby?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes. Yes I am. Oh my God, I’m gonna have a baby! (Joey and Phoebe
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hug.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Whoa, wait a minute. Who’s the father?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You don’t know him. It’s not important. He wants nothing to do
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with me or the baby. (She sits down like she’s pregnant.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well who is this guy?! Huh? Who is he? ‘Cause I will track him down
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and kick his ass!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> David Lynn.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> David Lynn! David Lynn! David Lynn!! (Exits)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Who’s David Lynn?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh some guy from my gym. A little annoying.</p>
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<p>[Scene: The Banquet Room, Chandler is under one of the tables as Ross enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Chandler?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey! Did you find the cameras?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No. Did you?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes! And that’s why I’m under the table. Celebrating.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well I checked in the uh, lost and found, I talked to the manager,
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no-one’s turned them.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well this is great. Y’know, those cameras were the only thing
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that was gonna cheer Monica up today, she’s really depressed.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Now you guys just got married, why is she so depressed?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> All my energy is going into not asking that question. I can’t
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believe I screwed this up!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m sorry man. (Formally dressed people start to enter.) Here’s
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a thought. This is the same ballroom. There’s a band. There’s gonna be plenty of
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dressed up people.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Are you suggesting we dance our troubles away?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No-no-no, I’m saying we-we buy more of this (disposable cameras) at
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the gift shop, throw our tuxes back on, and take a few pictures. All we have to do is make
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sure not to get anybody else’s faces.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Are you serious?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m just thinking about your new bride at home. Okay? Do-do you
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really want to start your life together by letting her down?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Marriage advice? Really?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m telling you, this looks exactly like your wedding! Aren’t
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these the same flowers?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don’t know, Monica picked out the flowers.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What about the chairs?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> She picked those out too.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> How about the place settings?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> That was her.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What did you do?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I was in charge of the cameras! Gift shop?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hmm. (They head off to the gift shop.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is sitting on the couch as Phoebe enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey! Ooh, did you do it yet?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Not yet.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, well what are you doing here? Are you about to do it? (Gasps) Is it
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Gunther?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No! Phoebe, it’s not Gunther.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Thank God, ‘cause that hair on a baby…</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe the father is not here okay? I haven’t told him yet and I
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don’t think I can tell him at all now!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Why not?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don’t know, let me think. I was walking down the street thinking,
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‘I’m gonna tell the father today’ and then bam!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Bus?</p>
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|
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, you! Phoebe you freaked me out. You kept saying how huge this all
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is!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well-well but it is huge.</p>
|
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|
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know, but I was just thinking about how huge this is for me. I
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didn’t even go to how huge this was going to be for the father.</p>
|
||
|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You’re thinking about this way too much. Just tell him and get it
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over with. It’s like, it’s like ripping off this Band-Aid. (On her arm) Quick
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||
and painless, watch. (Rips it off.) Oh mother of…See?</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Obsessive Monica has now opened more of the wedding
|
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gifts.]</p>
|
||
|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Ooh-ooh-ooh! Are we opening presents?</p>
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||
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No! No! I shouldn’t have even opened these! I mean I—Joey I am
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out of control!! Joey, you have to do me a favor. No matter what I say, no matter what I
|
||
do, please do not let me open another present! Okay?</p>
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||
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay.</p>
|
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Give me one more.</p>
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||
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay. (Hands her one.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering) Hey.</p>
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh good, uh you’re here. Uh Pheebs? Listen uh sit down. I-I got
|
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something I want to say. </p>
|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right. (She sits down like she’s pregnant again.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Umm, now uh… It’s a scary world out there, especially for a
|
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single mom. Y’know, now I always thought you and I had a special bond so… (He
|
||
goes to one knee and pulls out a ring.) Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?</p>
|
||
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God! Joey!</p>
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||
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hell yeah! I’ll marry you! (She grabs the ring and puts it on.)</p>
|
||
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||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You can’t marry him!</p>
|
||
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||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey lady, your day’s over! It’s my turn!</p>
|
||
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Phoebe!</p>
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||
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Why?! Why can’t she marry me?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I can and I will! (Kisses him.)</p>
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||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> She’s not pregnant. It’s Rachel. Rachel’s the one
|
||
who’s pregnant.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh my God.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Phoebe I think he would notice if you didn’t have a baby in nine
|
||
months!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It’s Joey! (Joey turns and looks at her and she mouths ‘I love
|
||
you’ to him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (smiles then stops) Now I can’t believe it! What? Rachel’s
|
||
pregnant? (The girls nod yes.) Who’s the father?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> We don’t know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ohh… I wonder if that dude.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> There’s a dude?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Who? Who is it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> About a month ago this guy spent the night with Rachel, I didn’t see
|
||
who it was but… (He walks out and closes the door.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Was that story over? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They follow him and meet him in the hall coming out of his apartment carrying a
|
||
sweater.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> The guy left this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (gasps) Oh my God! I know who the father is… (She walks into Monica
|
||
and Chandler’s.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> People have got to finish their stories!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross and Chandler are in their tuxes and have started to fake
|
||
the pictures.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to another couple) Uh, excuse me? Could you take a picture of us?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman At The Wedding:</b> Oh! Of course. (Ross and Chandler pose and she takes the
|
||
picture.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Man At The Wedding:</b> Uh, would you take one of us?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Uhh… Yeah sure. (Holds the camera up to his face.) Click!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman At The Wedding:</b> It didn’t click.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I heard it. I heard it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Man At The Wedding:</b> But there was no flash.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman At The Wedding:</b> Why won’t you take our picture?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yeah. I’ll take, I’ll take your picture. (He takes the
|
||
picture with his finger over the lens.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Man At The Wedding:</b> Uh, your finger was covering the lens.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Who are you? Ansel Adams?! Get outta here!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Rachel and Phoebe are about to go inside.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Look, I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before, so I called
|
||
the father and asked him to meet you here so you can tell him. Go!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What? Hey wait a minute! Phoebe, how do you even know who the father is?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I may play the fool at times, but I’m a little more than a pretty
|
||
blond girl with an ass that won’t quit. (She takes the sweater out of her purse.) I
|
||
believe this belongs to the father of your baby.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh God… Oh, he’s in there right now?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh-huh. Now you can turn around or you can go in there and rip the
|
||
Band-Aid off. What to you want to do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh, let’s rip!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Really? Are you sure?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh Phoebe!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, sorry. Yeah. (They go inside to confront the father.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tag:</b> Hey Rach.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Banquet Room, Ross is taking a picture of a plant, Chandler a fork. The
|
||
band stops.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why don’t you go up on stage. I’ll get a picture of you
|
||
doing the speech.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay. Okay! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He goes up on stage, mimes like he's giving the speech, and Chandler takes his
|
||
picture. However, before he gets down everyone starts clinking their glasses for a real
|
||
speech.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Will the owner of a 1995 Buick LeSabre please see the front desk? Your car
|
||
is about to be towed.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Anxious Wedding Guest:</b> (rushing up) That’s my car!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> A ’95 LeSabre?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Anxious Wedding Guest:</b> Yes!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> A green LeSabre?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Anxious Wedding Guest:</b> Yes!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m sorry, I meant a blue LeSabre.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Anxious Wedding Guest:</b> Yes! Green-blue!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well go! Go move it! (He runs off.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, you ready for the last picture?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Get ready to run. (Chandler walks over to the new bride.)
|
||
Congratulations on your wedding. (He grabs her, kisses her, Ross takes the picture, and
|
||
they both run out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, continued from earlier.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tag:</b> So, what’s this about?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Rachel has something that she wants to tell you and umm, I believe that
|
||
this is your red sweater.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tag:</b> No. (Unzips his coat.) This is my red sweater.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh no. Could I get anyone a coffee or…poison? No? Just for me?
|
||
Okay. (Walks away.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tag:</b> What’s going on Rach?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Nothing! Phoebe kinda made a mistake. But y’know you do wear that
|
||
sweater a lot, are you involved in some kind of dare?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tag:</b> Y’know, I’m actually glad Phoebe called. (He pulls out a stool
|
||
and Rachel sits down.) I know we broke up because you thought I wasn’t mature enough,
|
||
but I’ve really grown up and think we should get back together.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, it’s just not the right time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tag:</b> It is the right time. (Takes her hand.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tag:</b> I’m ready for more.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Tag…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tag:</b> Come on Rach, let’s give it another try.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m having a baby.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tag:</b> Oh. (He drops her hand.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Pause)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You can go.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tag:</b> Thank you. (Gets up and hurries out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Obsessive Monica has finished opening all the presents.
|
||
She’s ashamed of this, at least, because as someone enters…]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (throwing up the last present) I don’t know how any of these got
|
||
opened?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) You opened them all?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I know! I know! I am a terrible person! I mean, Chandler is never going
|
||
to trust me with anything ever again!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh hey! You got my parent’s gift! (Holds it up.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah. What is that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, I don’t know. I think it does something to salami.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe and Rachel enter.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey! How’d it go?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah. What-what did Tag say?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Tag is not the father! And Joey knows now?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I do Rach. I do, and I so happy for you. (They hug.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh wow, you didn’t even try to unhook my bra!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So are you ever gonna tell whoever it is?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, I will. I’m just not up for it tonight.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Rach listen, no matter what this guy says I want you to know
|
||
you’re not gonna be alone in this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m not?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Listen I uh… (He takes her hand.) It’s a scary world out there
|
||
especially if you’re a single mom. Y’know, I always felt like you and I have
|
||
this-this special bond. Y’know? So, (gets down on one knee again) Rachel Green will
|
||
you marry me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Pheebs, give me the ring back!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No! Joey, oh you’re so sweet. You’re so-so sweet, honey. But
|
||
I’m not, I’m not looking for a husband.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (heartbroken) I understand.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Now, if you will excuse me I am going to go and lie down. (Exits.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I can’t say that didn’t hurt. But I’ll take you back Joey
|
||
Tribbiani.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh yeah. Pheebs, listen about that. I only offered…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh! A Salami Buddy!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> There you go!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Chandler and Ross enter with the new pictures.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> We’re back!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Great! We’re hangin’ in the kitchen! (She drags him into the
|
||
kitchen and turns his back to the living room) Let’s stay in the kitchen!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> It’s picture time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Now you are going to love these.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (showing her the pictures) Here’s a picture of Ross. (Shows
|
||
another one.) And that’s me. (Another one.) And that’s me <b>and</b> Ross.
|
||
(Another one.) Oh-ho, that is a picture of our first kiss as a married couple.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wow! That is a great picture!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Eh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah! Oh and interesting because I found the cameras in one of our bags!
|
||
(Throws them into his chest.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Huh, didn’t see that coming.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, so this isn’t a picture of our first, but it is a picture
|
||
of my first kiss with…with this lady. Which by the look on your face I’m sure
|
||
you’ll remember. So we don’t need—(Rips the picture)—There’s no
|
||
need to have this picture. How about I take the real pictures and get them developed right
|
||
now.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> That would be a good idea.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay. (Sees the living room.) You opened all the presents without me?!
|
||
I thought we were supposed to do that together!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You kissed another woman!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Call it even?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay! (They high-five and he walks out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I’m gonna go get these (the floral bouquet he walked in with)
|
||
in some water.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wait you stole those from these people’s wedding?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No-no, I took them from the hotel lobby. Yeah, they think they can charge
|
||
me for some dirty movie and a bag of Mashuga nuts, they got another think coming. (Starts
|
||
to leave.) Hey! My sweater! I’ve been looking for this for like a month!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He exits leaving a stunned Phoebe and Monica.)</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Monica and <b>Phoebe:</b></b> Oh my God!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (slow on the uptake) Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: A Street, Ross walks past Tag wearing the same red sweater.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! How you doing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tag:</b> Good! Good, long time no see.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tag:</b> Like your sweater.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh hey, right back at ya.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tag:</b> Oh, it’s crazy about Rachel huh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah. She—Well, she’s one crazy lady?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tag:</b> So whose is it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (shows Tag his sweater tag) Umm, I don’t some Italian guy. Come on,
|
||
read your own label. See you later.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Tag:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They separate.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> He is so weird.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |