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<title>The One With The Stripper</title>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With The Stripper</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen<br>
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Directed by: David Schwimmer<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:webmaster@thecfsi.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Chandler are sitting on the couch and chair as
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Phoebe is getting coffee.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (coming from the bathroom) Hey Pheebs?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Huh?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m having dinner with my dad tomorrow night, do you wanna come?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Sure. Yeah, he’s kinda sexy.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh no, no, I’ll be there too.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay so, we’ll just come up with some kind of signal if it’s
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going well you can take off.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No Phoebe! I just need you there for support. I haven’t told him
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I’m pregnant yet.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh. Why not?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> ‘Cause I know he’s gonna flip out and I hate it when he’s
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angry.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh Rachel, this is all so ‘Papa don’t preach.’</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What Phoebe? Wait! One time he caught me smoking he said if he ever saw
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me doing that again he’d make me eat the entire pack.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wow! Oh well, I will be there! </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thank you.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Gosh. I’m not gonna let that man make you eat your baby. (They both
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sit down by the rest of the gang and Phoebe recognizes a man by the window.) Oh. Hey! Who
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is that guy? I think I know him.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (recognizing him and panicking) No you don’t!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (panicking) No you don’t.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God!!! Monica!! He’s the stripper from your bachelorette
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party!!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Her what?!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Your <b>secret</b> bachelorette party…</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You had a bachelorette party?!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> She untied his G-string with her teeth. (Pause) Somebody stop me!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I thought we weren’t gonna have bachelor/bachelorette parties!
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Y’know, we agreed that it was a silly tradition.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> It’s a grand tradition!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I’m sorry, they surprised me. There was nothing I could do!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well you could’ve untied it with your hands.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> This is so unfair! The one thing I wanted to do was throw my best friend a
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bachelor party, but no, I wasn’t allowed to. All I got was a stupid steak dinner!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You went home with the waitress.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh yeah, that was a pretty good night.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! You <b>know</b> that the
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two pillars of marriage are openness and honesty!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Ugh, I <b>knew</b> giving you that book was gonna come back and bite me
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in the ass!</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: A Restaurant, Rachel and Phoebe are having dinner with Dr. Green, and everyone
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is looking at the menu.]</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> How about I order everyone the Moroccan chicken?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I-I don’t eat meat.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> It’s chicken.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, I don’t eat that either.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> I’ll never understand you lesbians. (To Rachel) So baby, tell
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me…what is new with you.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well actually umm…</p>
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<p><b>Waiter:</b> (interrupting) Your ’74 Lafite sir.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> ’74?! I ordered the ’75! That’s a magnificent wine!
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The ’74 is sewage! Why would you bring me sewage?! (The waiter’s dumbfounded) Is
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that a hard question? Are you an idiot? Is that why you’re a waiter?</p>
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<p><b>Waiter:</b> This is why I told the manager I wouldn’t wait on you tonight!
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(Runs off.)</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Oh come on! Don’t be such a baby! (Goes after him)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (To Phoebe) In case you didn’t notice, that is a scary man.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> He’s right though, the ’74 is absolute piss.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> This was such a huge mistake. I can’t tell him Phoebe. I
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can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Rachel!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No it’s okay, this is what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna wait
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a couple years and then the baby will tell him.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Why, so he can get mad at the baby?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey, that is the…baby’s problem. (Dr. Green returns.) Oh,
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everything okay with the waiter?</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> I have no idea, I went to the bathroom. So sweetie, you were starting
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to tell me what is uh, what is new with you.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well… Umm, I got <i>TiVo</i>.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> What’s <i>TiVo</i>?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It’s slang for pregnant.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe!</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Are you really pregnant?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well uh, yes and no. Except not no. So to sum it up, yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Who is the father? Oh no! Please don’t tell me it’s her!
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(Points at Phoebe.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, it’s Ross. It’s Ross. You like Ross. (He just shakes his
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head.) Oh daddy, I hope you’re okay with all of this. I mean think about it, this is
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a good thing. You’re gonna—This is your first grandchild! You’re gonna be a
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poppy!</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> That’s true. </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> (laughs) Poppy. (To Phoebe) Oh, I’m gonna be a poppy. (Stops
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laughing) So when is the wedding?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Who?</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> The wedding! There’s going to be a wedding. Young lady,
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don’t you sit there and tell me my first grandchild is going to be a bastard! (Rachel
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pauses) Rachel Karen Green, tell me there is gonna be a wedding!!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> February 2<sup>nd</sup>!</p>
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<p>(Dr. Green exhales in relief.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are reading a magazine and Ross is chatting
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with Mona.]</p>
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<p><b>Mona:</b> So it was really cool seeing you lecture today.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh thanks. Although it kinda seemed like you were falling asleep there a
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little.</p>
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<p><b>Mona:</b> Oh no-no, I-I had my eyes closed so I could concentrate and y’know
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take it all in.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, a lot of my students do that.</p>
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<p><b>Mona:</b> So, I gotta get going.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, I-I’ll see you tonight.</p>
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<p><b>Mona:</b> Yeah. </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, bye. </p>
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<p>(They kiss and she starts to leave.)</p>
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<p><b>Mona:</b> Oh hey, thanks again for showing me your semi-precious stone collection.
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It was amazing! (She leaves.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> My God! You must be good in bed!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> So uh, you and Mona, been a while now. How’s it going?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Ah, it’s good. It’s going good. I mean, we get along great.
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She’s, she’s so…</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hot?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I was gonna say sweet, but yeah-huh!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> She’s okay with Rachel and the baby?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well I…I haven’t actually told her yet. I don’t want to
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scare her off, y’know?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, you have to honest with her! Otherwise you may think that
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you’re going down the same path, but you’re really going down different ones.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I’m gonna take that book and beat you to death with it.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering) Oh my God! You are gonna love me so much! I felt really bad
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about the whole bachelorette party thing, so tonight you’re gonna have a bachelor
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party.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, I got this number from this guy at work and I hired a stripper to
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come dance for you. Am I going in the wife hall of fame or what?!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Honey! That’s crazy! I don’t want you to get me a
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stripper…</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Will you let the lady talk?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Come on! Come on, it’ll be fun! It’ll make me feel so much
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better.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, I appreciate it, but uh, it’s a little creepy. Y’know?
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I’m not a bachelor anymore.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> So don’t think of it as a bachelor party, think of it as a…a
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two month anniversary present.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Sure, one year is paper, but two months is lapdance! (Joey nods his
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agreement.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Please! I feel so bad! Just watch the hot woman get naked!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right fine! But I’m only doing this for you!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> And Joey.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Thank you. All right, now who else do you want to invite?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ah, no-no-no just Ross. Ross and Joey is embarrassing enough.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh actually, sorry I can’t even make it. I’m seeing Mona again
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tonight.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I understand: who would cancel an actual date to go to a fake bachelor
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party?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (on cell phone) I’m sorry I gotta cancel tonight baby…</p>
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<p>[Scene: The Restaurant, dinner has ended and Phoebe and Rachel are talking. Dr. Green
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is not at the table.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it to your imaginary
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wedding, but I’m <b>really</b> busy that day. Yeah, I already have a unicorn baptism
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and a leprechaun bar mitzvah.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know. I know. I panicked, I panicked. I didn’t want him to start
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yelling at me like I was some ’74 Latour. </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It’s Lafite. The ’74 Latour is actually drinking quite nicely.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right here he comes. I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna tell
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him, I’m gonna be strong.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> I just called a friend of mine.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah?</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> I think I may be able to book <i>The Plaza</i> on short notice.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Really?! <i>The Plaza</i>?!! Oh daddy!! (Hugs him and Phoebe glares at
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her.) Right. Daddy, I need to talk to you. Please, sit down.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> What is it sweetie?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> There’s not gonna be a wedding. Ross and I are not getting married.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m sorry daddy.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> I don’t believe this!!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh now daddy, stay calm. Please.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Stay calm?!! How do you expect me to stay calm?! This is unacceptable
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Rachel! And I wanna know why?!! Is it because that punk Ross won’t marry you?!
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That’s it! Is that it?!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes. Yes, he says I’m damaged goods.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler’s bachelor party has begun, what there is
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of it, with only Joey (wearing a gold paper top hat) and Chandler (wearing what appears to
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be a <i>Burger King</i> paper crown) enjoying a nice product placement of <i>Budweisers</i>
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on ice.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> So you uh, nervous about getting married?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What are you doing?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Look, look let’s pretend it’s a real bachelor party. Okay?
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Y’know? Before your wedding. Come on, it’ll be fun.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay. I can’t believe tomorrow’s the big day.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> How does it feel knowing you’re never gonna be with another woman
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again huh? Knowing you’re gonna have to wake up to the same face everyday until you
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finally have the sweet release of death.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You’re right, this is more fun.</p>
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<p>(There’s a knock on the door.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> That’s her! Okay, come on! (They go over and open the door.)</p>
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<p><b>Stripper:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi. (Joey blows on a noisemaker.)</p>
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<p><b>Stripper:</b> So which one of you lucky boys is Chandler?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh, that-that’s-that’s me!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> That’s me.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Joey Tribbiani, a big fan.</p>
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<p><b>Stripper:</b> So is that a bedroom? (Points to the guestroom.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, yeah right over there.</p>
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<p><b>Stripper:</b> All right, whenever you’re ready. (She goes into the bedroom.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> That was weird.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Why-why would she go in the bedroom?</p>
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<p><b>Stripper:</b> I’m waiting.</p>
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<p>(They both slowly enter the bedroom and quickly walk back out.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> So she’s a…</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, that’s one naked hooker!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross and Mona are sitting on the couch.]</p>
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<p><b>Mona:</b> I love your place! Where is this guy from? (A statue from the top of his
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apothecary table.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh that’s an eighteenth century Indian artifact from Calcutta.</p>
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<p><b>Mona:</b> Oh wow! So, you’re more than just dinosaurs.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> So much more.</p>
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<p>(They start making out and she kicks the eighteenth century Indian artifact from
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Calcutta off of his apothecary table from the days of yore and the magical city of White
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Plains.)</p>
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<p><b>Mona:</b> Oh my God! Oh my God! I’m so sorry!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Aw forget it, it’s from <i>Pier One</i>. (There’s an angry knock
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on the door.) Sorry. (Goes and opens the door to an irate Dr. Green.)</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> You think you can knock up my daughter and then not marry her?!
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I’m gonna kill you!!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Y’know this is actually not a great time for me.</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Ross's Apartment, continued from earlier.]</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> So? Come on! Explain yourself Geller! First you get my Rachel
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pregnant!</p>
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<p><b>Mona:</b> You got Rachel pregnant?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Who did?!</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> You did!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes. Yes, yes I did. (To Mona) But-but it was, it was just a one night
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thing. It meant nothing.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Oh? Really? That’s what my daughter means to you? Nothing?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No! No sir umm, she means a lot to me. I mean, I care—I-I love
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Rachel.</p>
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|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Mona) Oh but not that way. I mean…I mean I’m not in love
|
||
with her. I love her like a, like a friend.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Oh really? That’s how treat a friend? You get her in trouble and
|
||
then refuse to marry her?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Dr. Green) Hey! I offered to marry her!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Wh…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (To Mona) But I didn’t want to.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> Well why not? So you can spend your time with this tramp?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Tramp?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m sorry. Dr. Green, Mona. Mona, Dr. Green.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler and Joey are discussing what to do about the
|
||
now naked hooker in the guestroom.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I can’t believe there is a naked hooker in there!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Wait! Wait! Maybe she’s a hooker <b>and</b> a stripper, but she got
|
||
confused about what she’s supposed to do.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Could be. I mean technically she did strip, we just, we just missed
|
||
it. (Walks towards the bedroom.) Ma’am, are you also a stripper?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Hooker:</b> Uh, no. But I could pretend to strip, but that’s gonna cost extra.
|
||
Okay, here’s the extras, handcuffs, spanking… (Chandler grunts for her not to
|
||
continue and Joey pulls him back into the kitchen.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Maybe Monica’s playing a joke on ya. Y’know? Getting her own
|
||
husband a hooker, that’s pretty funny.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> That is funny, maybe for my birthday she’ll murder someone.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I bet Ross was in on it too. I mean he was conveniently busy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Hooker:</b> Do you mind if I smoke in here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh actually, I’d rather you…Yeah, go ahead. We’re gonna
|
||
have to burn that room down anyway.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Ross's Apartment, continued from earlier.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> How could you have kept all of this from me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I was going to tell you, but…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> But what?! You figured you’d get what you wanted and then dump
|
||
her like you dumped Rachel!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! I did not dump Rachel! (To Mona) Nor are we still together. (The
|
||
phone rings and Ross goes to answer it, only he’s trapped behind the apothecary table
|
||
by Dr. Green.) Can I just… (Dr. Green glares at him.) Why don’t we just let the
|
||
machine get that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (on machine) Hey Ross. It’s Joey. There’s a hooker over here and
|
||
we thought maybe you’d know something about it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No! No! No! No! No! I-I-I-I—I need to, I need to lie down.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica’s Restaurant’s Kitchen, she’s cooking as one of her
|
||
waiters, Stu, comes over to talk to her.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Stu:</b> So, tonight’s the night of the big bachelor party?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah! Hey! Thanks for getting me that girl’s number.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Stu:</b> No problem. So who’s the party for?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> My husband.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Stu:</b> You hired your husband a hooker?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> She’s a stripper.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Stu:</b> No, she’s a hooker.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Is that, is that what they call strippers sometimes?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Stu:</b> When they’re hookers.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God Stu! I-I can’t believe you did this! Now are you
|
||
absolutely sure she’s a hooker?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Stu:</b> Either that or she’s just the best, most expensive date I ever had.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica runs out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Joey and Chandler are still deciding what to do about
|
||
the hooker.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Maybe she meant to get you a hooker.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why would she do that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Maybe she wants you to learn something. Huh? Now is there anything
|
||
you’re really bad at y’know, sexually?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> This is the worst bachelor party ever!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Hooker:</b> What’s taking you boys so long?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> In a minute!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (To Joey) In a minute? What’s gonna happen in a minute?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, all right maybe-maybe you should just ask her to leave.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why me?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey! It’s your bachelor party.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Which is why <b>you</b> should do it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I don’t want to. You do it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You do it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You do it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right Rock, Paper, Scissors who has to tell the whore to leave!
|
||
(Joey smirks.) What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I miss this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don’t think we’ve actually done this before!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No, I-I miss hanging out with you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well we…we still hang out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Not like we used to. Remember? You and me used to be inseparable.
|
||
Y’know now it’s like…things are different.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well y’know, things are different. I’m…I’m married
|
||
now.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh sure—And hey, don’t get me wrong, I am so happy for you guys.
|
||
I just…I miss…hanging out…just-just us, y’know?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I miss that too. I tell you what; from now on we’ll make
|
||
time to hang out with each other.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You got it. Come here. (They hug and are observed by the hooker.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Hooker:</b> Oh God! Listen, I am this close to robbing you guys. (Does the close
|
||
sign.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering quickly) She’s a hooker! She’s a hooker! She’s
|
||
a… (Stops as she sees her.) Hi! Uh, we spoke on the phone. (Goes and shakes the
|
||
hooker’s hand.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Phoebe are at the counter as Ross enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> So your dad dropped by. He’s a pleasant man!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (quietly) Oh no…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’d better go. (She goes and sits down in the <i>La-Z-Boy E-cliner
|
||
3000</i>, the chair that Sit magazine called chair of the year, and they both look at
|
||
her.) Just over here: I don’t want to miss the fight.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross I’m so sorry. Okay. I-I will promise I will straighten this
|
||
out with him tomorrow in person, or via e-mail.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I don’t care about your dad! I care about Mona! She was there and now
|
||
she’s totally freaked out!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh okay, I’ll fix that to. What’s her e-mail address?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Rachel!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right, I promise. I’ll fix this. I swear.
|
||
I’ll-I’ll-I’ll-I’ll talk to her.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Thank you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That’s it?! You call that a fight? Come on! "We were on a
|
||
break!" "No we weren’t!" What happened to you two?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Ross's Apartment, Ross is opening the door to Mona. Rachel is there as well.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Thank you so much for coming back over.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Oh good, you’re here. Yeah, and I was worried that it was going to be
|
||
uncomfortable.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know Mona, just hear me out. First of all, I’m so sorry about my
|
||
father yelling at you, but I heard you totally held your own. You’re gonna have to
|
||
tell me how you did that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Focus.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. Um…But—Okay, yes Ross and I used to date. And yes we are
|
||
gonna have a baby. But we are <b>definitely</b> not getting back together.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> How can I be sure on that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh we just—we drove each other crazy!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I mean he was possessive, he was jealous, he could never just let the
|
||
little things go!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Trying to date this woman.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Right! But, none of that compared to how kind and-and how gentle and
|
||
thoughtful he is. (Rubbing his shoulder.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Probably shouldn’t touch me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Y’know, I-I-I just…I don’t want to get in the middle of
|
||
something so complicated.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know, I get it, but Mona, what relationship is not complicated? I mean
|
||
we all have our baggage! You must too! Why else would you still be single? (Mona looks at
|
||
her.) I am so gonna leave right now. (Ross opens the door for her and she leaves.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Should I leave this open for you too?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> I’m not sure yet. Why didn’t you just tell me about all this?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Because what’s going on with Rachel has nothing to do with how I feel
|
||
about you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Yeah? Well you still shoulda told me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I know and I was going to, but I thought it was better that you heard it
|
||
from Rachel’s father. Look I…I made a mistake, but it’s only because I
|
||
really, really like you. Really!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Okay, I guess you can…close the door now. (He does so and they kiss.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering) Forgot my purse! (Sees them kissing.) Oh, you guys made up.
|
||
(To Mona) He’s a good kisser isn’t he? (Ross goes to close the door on her.)
|
||
I’m going! (Quickly leaves and Ross locks the door.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the bachelor party has ended and Monica is trying to
|
||
explain herself to Chandler.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I swear I didn’t know she was a hooker! I mean wh—Did you let
|
||
her smoke in here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Her ass print is still on your grandmother’s quilt, do you really
|
||
want to talk about smoking?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y’know what? I’m gonna make this up to you. I promised you a
|
||
stripper (turns on the radio), and you’re gonna get a stripper. (She starts to
|
||
strip.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Monica! Wait!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (puts on his crown) Carry on.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She does so by taking off her jacket seductively, only she has trouble getting one
|
||
hand out and slams the jacket on the chair angrily to remove it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ooh, these tennis shoes are so tight. I think I’ll take them off.
|
||
(Goes to do so.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Could you not narrate?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Gotcha sailor. (Kicks one of her shoes off and it lands in the kitchen
|
||
knocking something down, but she continues to strip.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is being yelled at by her dad over the phone, and
|
||
he’s been going on for so long Rachel is holding the phone away from her ear and
|
||
reading a book.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> (on phone) …just because you’re not in love with the guy
|
||
you can’t…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering, quietly) Wow, you told your dad the truth.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> About an hour ago.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wanna go see a movie?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes! (She gets up and sets the phone on the counter without hanging it
|
||
up.) Bye daddy. (Phoebe and her leave.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Green:</b> (on phone, not hearing her) …there’s gonna be a wedding!
|
||
(Joey enters from his room and goes to get a beer from the fridge.) That’s
|
||
unacceptable Rachel! What the hell does love have to do with it anyway?! There are more
|
||
important things in a marriage other than love! (Joey hears something and looks around for
|
||
the source.) …constantly thinking about things! You have to think about the
|
||
consequences of your decision. (Joey finds that the sound is coming from the phone and
|
||
puts it to his ear.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (on phone) Hey! I do too think about the consequences of my decisions!
|
||
(Listens) What gives you the right to… (Listens) Go to hell! (Hangs up the phone and
|
||
opens the fridge.) Stupid guy on my phone.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |