mirror of
https://github.com/bvanroll/startrek-ml.git
synced 2025-08-29 03:52:47 +00:00
644 lines
23 KiB
HTML
644 lines
23 KiB
HTML
|
||
<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season8/817towtl.htm -->
|
||
<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
|
||
<title>The One With The Tea Leaves</title>
|
||
|
||
<meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 3.0">
|
||
<meta name="Template" content="C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\Templates\Friends.dot">
|
||
<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
|
||
|
||
<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
|
||
|
||
<h1 align="center">The One With The Tea Leaves</h1>
|
||
|
||
<hr>
|
||
|
||
<p>Teleplay by: Steven Rosenhaus<br>
|
||
Story by: R. Lee Flemming, Jr.<br>
|
||
Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:webmaster@thecfsi.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
|
||
|
||
<hr>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Hallway, Rachel walks up the stairs and knocks on Joey’s door.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey? Are you in there?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to inside Monica and Chandler’s, Monica, Chandler and Joey are eating
|
||
breakfast.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (hearing Rachel and jumping up with his plate) Oh God! That’s Rachel!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Joey, you <b>have</b> to talk to her!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No-no, I can’t! I can’t! Not after the other night, it’s
|
||
just it’s…too weird, okay? Don’t tell her I’m here! (Turns to run to
|
||
the bathroom and his bagel falls off the plate onto the floor.) Don’t eat that! (Runs
|
||
to the bathroom as Rachel enters.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey Rachel!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Is Joey here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don’t see him. (To Monica) Do you see him?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I don’t see him. Hey! Maybe he’s in the sugar bowl! (Opens the
|
||
sugar bowl) Joey? Nope! (Closes the sugar bowl and they both laugh.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, at least you make each other laugh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What’s up?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I haven’t seen him since that night that he told me how he
|
||
y’know… I don’t know, I think he’s avoiding me. Why is that bagel on
|
||
the floor?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> We were playing a game.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ew, was Chandler naked? Sort of like a, like a ring toss kind of
|
||
situation?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Sure.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?! No! No!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right. Well listen, if you see Joey will you just tell him
|
||
uh…tell him I miss him. (Exits and Joey enters.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (To Joey) Okay, did you hear that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, a naked bagel game? (Picks up his dropped bagel.) (To Chandler)
|
||
Dude, I don’t know. That’s a pretty small hole.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Honey, you gotta talk to her.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I can’t! Y’know? You guys don’t know what it’s like to
|
||
put yourself out there like that and just get shot down.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (incredulous) I don’t know what that’s like?! Up until I was
|
||
25 I thought the only response to, "I love you," was, "Oh crap!"</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hello? No rejection? I got shot down at fat camp! Boy, kids are mean
|
||
when they’re hungry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right so, so what do I do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> This is Rachel. I mean, what are you gonna do, never going to talk to
|
||
her again? I mean I know it’s weird, it’s awkward, but you gotta at least try.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah. Okay. (Goes to take a bite out of the previously mentioned bagel.)
|
||
Whoa! (Stops.) I almost forgot this was on your…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (interrupting him) We didn’t play it!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is holding a book as she, Rachel, and Monica drink some
|
||
tea as Chandler looks on.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, so when you’re done with your tea I’ll look at your
|
||
leaves and tell you your fortune.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I didn’t know you read tea leaves.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh yeah, I’ve done it for years. I actually stopped because I was
|
||
so accurate. Y’know, and-and y’know, one of the great joys of life is
|
||
it’s-it’s wondrous unpredictability. Y’know? And also tea tends to give me
|
||
the trots.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, I’m done. Read mine.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. (Looks at the leaves.) Ooh, I see a ladder. (Checks the book)
|
||
Which can mean either a promotion or a violent death.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (stunned) I-I’m the head chef. I-I can’t get promoted.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh-hmm. Uh-hmm, who’s next?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, I’m done. Do mine.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. (Reads the leaves) Umm, oh! Okay, I see a circle.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! (Checking the book) Which can either mean you’re having a baby
|
||
or you’re gonna make a scientific discovery!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I have been spending a lot of time in the lab.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What does yours say Pheebs?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm… Wow, all right. (Checks the book.) Wow! Yay! Ooh, I’m
|
||
gonna meet a guy! And really soon! And he’s gonna be the man of my dreams. Probably
|
||
not the guy I had a dream about last night. (Points at Chandler.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hey! Has anyone seen my shirt? It’s a button down, like a,
|
||
like a faded salmon?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You mean your pink shirt?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Faded salmon color.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No, I-I haven’t seen your pink shirt.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Great! Great. Then I must’ve left it at Mona’s. I knew it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I’m sure you get another one at <i>Ann Taylor’s</i>.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s my favorite shirt! Okay? I love that shirt!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well just ask Mona to give it back!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I don’t know. I mean I-I guess I could. It’s just that we
|
||
didn’t really end things such good terms. And if I go over there I’d be ignoring
|
||
the one thing she asked me to do when we broke up, jump up my own ass and die. (Walks
|
||
away.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (noticing a guy sitting by the green post looking at her) Oh wait a
|
||
second you guys…for the last couple weeks I’ve been that guy everywhere I go. We
|
||
take the same bus. We go to the same bookstore, the same dry cleaners; maybe he’s the
|
||
tea guy. (He gets up to leave, and smiles at Phoebe.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Phoebe, did you see that?! He totally checked you out! He is so cute!
|
||
(Looking at his tea.) Mine has a picture of <i>The Village People</i>, what does that
|
||
mean?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey enters.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He slowly walks to the other side of the couch and sits down at the table, an awkward
|
||
silence follows.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(More awkward silence.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Tea gives Phoebe the trots.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is cooking as Rachel paces nervously.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> So I thought Joey and I would be okay once we hung out, but it’s
|
||
not even like we know how to be with each other anymore.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I know it’s tough now, but things will get better.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> How do you know that? What if it just gets worse and worse and worse, to
|
||
the point where we can’t even be in the same room with each other?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I’m not great at the advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic
|
||
comment? Some cheese?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Honey, what is the Bruce Springsteen CD in the Kat Stevens case?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Let’s just say if I can’t find the right CD case I just put
|
||
it in the nearest one.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, where is the Kat Stevens CD?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> In the James Taylor case.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Where is the James Taylor CD?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Honey, I’m gonna save you some time, 200 CDs, not one of them in
|
||
the right case.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay. No need to panic. Deep breathes everyone. Okay umm uh, we’re
|
||
just gonna have to spend some time and put the CDs in the right cases.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, if we’re gonna do that we should come up with some kind of
|
||
order. Y’know alphabetically or by genre?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hmm, I don’t know. We really have to talk this through.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God!! You guys have such problems!! I feel so terrible for you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, I-I’m sorry. You and Joey, your both focusing on this
|
||
uncomfortable thing, what you need to do is to change the subject. Next time you see him
|
||
try to get him talking about something else.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh yeah. That makes sense.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, like I don’t know, maybe you have a work problem that you
|
||
need his advice on.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ooh, I can do that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Good. (To Chandler) Uh honey, the <i>Miami Vice</i> soundtrack? Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> They were just giving those away at the store (off Monica’s look)
|
||
in exchange for money.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Uh I really don’t know what to tell you Rach, I really don’t.
|
||
I mean, maybe Joey can help you out with your, with your big work problem.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah Joey she’s…Rachel’s got this really big work
|
||
problem, and it is a head scratcher. Wow! (To Chandler) Y’know what, if we’re
|
||
gonna make dinner we’re gonna have to leave. Yeah. (She and Chandler exit.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So you uh, have a…big work problem?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah it’s umm… Yeah it’s uh… It-it’s
|
||
y’know—It’s nothing.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Huh. Okay. (Awkward silence.) So uh, I think I’m gonna take off.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah—No wait! Joey no wait it is. It’s something.
|
||
It’s-it’s umm…it’s my boss.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, and umm my baby.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> My boss wants to buy my baby!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What?! Oh my-oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know I told you, it’s a really big problem.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What he wants to buy your baby?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Can you believe that?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> That’s crazy!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> That’s what I told him!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, how did this even happen?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well I’ll tell ya! (Pause) See uh my-my boss and his
|
||
wife—They-they can’t have children. So umm, and that—we were at the
|
||
Christmas party, and he got drunk, and he said to me, "Rachel, I want to buy your
|
||
baby."</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Man! When you said it was a problem about your boss and the baby I figured
|
||
it was something about maternity leave.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh! Yeah! (Pause) Yeah that-that would’ve been a much simpler
|
||
problem.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: A newsstand, Phoebe is looking at a magazine as the guy from before walks by
|
||
and picks up a newspaper.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh hello.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Guy:</b> Oh, it’s you. I see you everywhere. I’m Jim, Jim Nelson.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh Jim, Jim Nelson I’m Phoebe, Phoebe Buffay. We certainly have
|
||
been seeing a lot of each other lately. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Jim:</b> We have. Maybe we’ll be seeing each other at dinner tomorrow night,
|
||
say around 8 o’clock?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, maybe we will. (Starts to walk away.) Oh! (She turns around and
|
||
the exchange information.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Outside Mona’s Apartment, Ross is knocking on the door.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Mona? (There’s no answer, so he starts to leave but remembers where
|
||
her extra key is. He reaches atop a hall light just outside her door and grabs the key. He
|
||
looks at in triumph as the pain from it being hot moves along his nervous system to his
|
||
brain, and when it arrives his brain orders his hand to drop the hot key and his mouth to
|
||
squeal in pain. After dropping the key he pulls his shirtsleeve over his hand and uses the
|
||
key to open the door and enter Mona’s apartment.) Okay, if I were a salmon shirt,
|
||
where would I be? (He hears a key in the door and as it opens he dives behind the couch.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> (entering, with her date) I am so sorry I spilled wine all over your
|
||
shirt.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona's Date:</b> Oh, it’s okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> No, it’s still wet. Y’know what? Let me get it out before it
|
||
sets. Ooh, I have something you can wear. Here. (Hands him Ross’s shirt.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona's Date:</b> Oh umm, I-I don’t know if I want to wear a woman’s shirt.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> No-no that’s a man’s shirt.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona's Date:</b> It’s awfully pink. (Ross mouths, "It’s
|
||
salmon!")</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica and Chandler are sorting their CDs.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh my God, honey we are so meant to be together. We both have copies
|
||
of the <i>Annie</i> soundtrack.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Honey, both yours.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering) Hey! Great advice on that Joey thing!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah? The work problem?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh it was perfect! I mean it really felt like he was my friend again.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What problem did you tell him you had?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh that’s not important. The point is, I really—I think
|
||
everything’s gonna be okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Mr. Zelner’s Office, he’s in a meeting as Joey bursts in.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Zelner:</b> May I help you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Do you think you can just <b>buy</b> my friends baby?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: A restaurant, Phoebe and Jim are on their date.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Isn’t it funny how we kept running into each other? It’s as if
|
||
someone really wants us to be together.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Jim:</b> Someone does. Me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, witty banter. Well done.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Jim:</b> So, tell me a little bit about yourself.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh okay, well I’m a masseuse, and I used to work at this
|
||
place…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Jim:</b> Do you like to party?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I-I-I like, I like parties.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Jim:</b> You’re wild, aren’t ya?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah I guess, a little.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Jim:</b> It ain’t no thing, I’m wild too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (a little freaked out) So! Umm, anyway I-I lived in New York, someone
|
||
wildly I guess, for umm—Well since I was fourteen.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Jim:</b> I’m sorry. I’m staring. It’s just that you have the most
|
||
beautiful eyes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh stop it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Jim:</b> And your breasts! Hmm!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. Umm look, you’re coming on a little strong. But I’m
|
||
going to give you the benefit of the doubt, because it seems the universe really wants to
|
||
be together. So, why don’t we just start over okay? And you can just tell me about
|
||
yourself.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Jim:</b> All right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Jim:</b> I write erotic novels, for children.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Jim:</b> They’re wildly unpopular.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Jim:</b> Oh also, you might be interested to know that I have a Ph.D.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wow! You do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Jim:</b> Yeah, (looks at his crotch) a Pretty Huge…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right. (Gets up and walks out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Chandler, and now Rachel are organizing CDs.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (singing) <i>The sun’ll come out…tomorrow! <b>Bet</b>…your
|
||
bottom dollar that tomorrow</i>… (The girls start laughing, and in a deep voice) <i>…there’ll
|
||
be sun</i>.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey! Oh Joey, honey listen, thank you for talking to my yesterday about
|
||
that thing with my boss. That really meant a lot.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Not a problem. Oh, and just so you know, that guy’s not going to be
|
||
bothering you about that baby thing anymore.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (worried) What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Let’s just say I took care of it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Whoa-whoa-whoa, let’s say more!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Don’t worry! Don’t worry. I just told him, very nicely,
|
||
"You don’t go buying people’s babies, so back off!!"</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Chandler and <b>Monica:</b></b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No! No, no-no-no Joey he doesn’t want to buy my baby! I made that
|
||
up!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What?! Why?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> So that we would have something to talk about! So it wouldn’t be
|
||
awkward!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> And you couldn’t think of anything else?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You said your boss wants to buy your baby?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (To Joey) I can’t believe that you yelled at my boss!
|
||
I’m-I’m gonna lose my job! What am I going to do?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You can always sell your baby.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh Joey, I can’t believe you brought my boss into this! I’m
|
||
gonna get fired!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You lied to me!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, she told me too! (Points to Monica and Joey glares at her.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Chandler has two copies of <i>Annie</i>!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Mona’s Apartment, she and her date are making out as Ross flips through a
|
||
magazine while lying behind the couch and sees something that he likes. Meanwhile,
|
||
Mona’s date takes off Ross’s shirt and Mona throws it on the floor. While they
|
||
start making out again, Ross tries to pull the rug the shirt is on over to him, but while
|
||
he does that he moves the coffee table and it bumps into the couch.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> (seeing Ross) Oh my God! Ross!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hello!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Ross, what are you doing?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Not touching myself if that makes anyone less uncomfortable.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Mr. Zelner’s Office, Rachel is knocking on the door.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Morning. You wanted to see me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Zelner:</b> Please, come in. Have a seat. (She does so.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay look Mr. Zelner…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Zelner:</b> Oh I think it’s best that I speak first.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah. (Motions for him to continue.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Zelner:</b> I’ve asked Lee from human resources to be here as a witness to
|
||
our conversation.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh God.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mr. Zelner:</b> If I in any way implied that I wanted to buy your baby…I am
|
||
sorry. Okay? Last week when I asked you when your due date was uh, I certainly did not
|
||
mean that I felt that <b>I</b> was due your baby. Yeah, I want to be very clear that I
|
||
understand that its your baby, and it is not mine to purchase.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, as long as we are clear about that. (Exits smugly.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: A Street, Phoebe and Monica are walking down it.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh there it is.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> That’s not your regular dry cleaners.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I know, but that creep that I went on that date with goes to there so I
|
||
have to find a new one. I also have to find a new video store, a new bank, a new adult
|
||
bookstore, a new grocery store…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> A new grocery store. The universe said I was going to meet a nice guy
|
||
and that’s what they gave me? (Looks up) When I get up there I’m going to kick
|
||
some ass.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Don’t worry Phoebe, you’re gonna meet someone. If I can meet a
|
||
great guy, so can you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, we both can. And we both will.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They enter the dry cleaners.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, you didn’t have to come in with me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Are you kidding? This is where they get out stains! Okay? This is like <i>Disneyland</i>
|
||
for me. I’m-I’m gonna be over here watching the dance of the clean shirts. (She
|
||
points to and walks over to the electric clothes rack they have.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(A guy enters that looks suspiciously like Alec Baldwin from <i>The Hunt for Red
|
||
October</i>, <i>Pearl Harbor</i>, and <i>Beetlejuice</i>.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Guy:</b> (To Phoebe) Oh, excuse me! I think you dropped s…(looks at Phoebe.)
|
||
Wow!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Guy:</b> I’m sorry, it’s just that you’re so incredibly beautiful.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh yeah well, I’m sorry about that too, but what are you going to
|
||
do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Guy:</b> I hope you don’t think I’m crazy but I feel like I was meant to
|
||
pick this up, do you believe in that kind of thing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> A little. (She turns around and looks up.) (To the universe) Now
|
||
you’re talking.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Guy:</b> Would you like to go out and have a cup of coffee?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I-I-I’d love to. Let me just tell my friend.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (to the clerk) Ooh, an ink stain! Hey, can I watch how you get this out?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (looking around) She must’ve left.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is watching Joey pace nervously as Rachel
|
||
enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So? What-what-what happened?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It’s all gonna be okay. They’re just so happy that I’m
|
||
not suing them that they gave me one extra month paid maternity leave. So long as I
|
||
understand that the money should not construed as a down payment on this or any other
|
||
child I should bear.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Wow, <i>Ralph Lauren</i> is really going out of there way to show
|
||
they’re not in the baby buying business.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Chandler, can you give us a minute?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh I’m sorry, you’re kicking me out of my own living room?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I’ll be in there. (Goes into the bedroom.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey, I’m really sorry that I lied to you. I was just trying to
|
||
make things…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I know. I know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> It kinda worked. I mean y’know, I don’t know about you buy I
|
||
haven’t thought about our thing since all this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey you’re right. Yeah, it’s kinda been like us again a little
|
||
bit.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah I know! I miss that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Me too. I mean I…haven’t thought at all about how I put myself
|
||
out there and said all that stuff and how you didn’t feel the same way about me
|
||
and-and how it was really awkward.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Awkward silence.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> My gynecologist tried to kill me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Ross and Rachel's, Ross is ordering something over the phone from a catalog.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (on phone) Item J437-A, color: winterberry. (There’s a knock on the
|
||
door as he hangs up the phone. He answers it to Mona.) Hi umm, listen come here, come in.
|
||
(She does so.) I’m so-so sorry about yesterday. I-I’m really sorry. It’s
|
||
just that I… (He picks up the pink shirt.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> (interrupting him) Listen Ross, you don’t have to apologize. I
|
||
understand why you were there.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Yeah, you still have feelings for me. And-and to be honest, I-I still have
|
||
feelings for you. And I wish that we can work it out Ross, but we can’t. It’s
|
||
too complicated with you and Rachel and the baby, I-I just… It just wasn’t meant
|
||
to be.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (faking starting to cry) Oh God you’re right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mona:</b> Ross, we…we have to be strong. Okay, I-I’m gonna go. (She picks
|
||
up the shirt Ross has just set down.) Can I? To remember you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (laughs) No. (Takes the shirt back.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |