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<!-- saved from url=(0054)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season7/721vows.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With The Vows</title>
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<meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 4.0">
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<meta name="Template" content="C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\Templates\FRIENDS.dot">
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With The Vows</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Doty Abrams<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a><br>
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Episodes Originally Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a>, <a href="mailto:mmatting@indiana.edu">Mindy Mattingly Phillips</a>, and <a href="mailto:shadelet@easynet.co.uk">guineapig</a>.</p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is at the kitchen table and Chandler is in the
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living room.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Do you realize that four weeks from today we’re getting married?
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Four weeks baby!! Four weeks!!!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Do you realize you get louder each week?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> There’s still so much to do. Have you written your vows yet?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I figured I’d buy those. Pat, I’d like to buy a vow.
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(Laughs)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Sweetie, you know I have no sense of humor when it comes to the wedding.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Right. So uh, have you written yours yet?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No! But I know exactly what I’m going to say.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Do you happen to know what I’m going to say?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (handing him a pad of paper and a pen) Let’s just do it right now.
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Okay? It won’t be hard. Just say what’s in your heart. (She goes back, sits
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down, and starts feverishly writing.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (watching in her) (in his head) <i>Look at her go! She must love me
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more than I love her! What’s wrong with me? Ooh, don’t open that door</i>.</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Chandler is getting help writing his vows from Joey and
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Ross.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (writing) Monica, there are no words… (To Joey and Ross) There
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are no words! This should not be this hard!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, uh… (To Ross) Oh hey, you’ve done this before Ross,
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well what did you say when you made up your vows?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well with Carol, I promised never to love another woman until the day I
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die. She made no such promise.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I’m so pathetic! Monica knows what she wants to say! You
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should’ve seen her. Writing, writing, writing!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica has hit a writer’s block as Rachel and
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Phoebe enter.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Monica what? </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What is the emergency?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You have to help me! I’m supposed to be writing my vows and all I
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have is this! (Shows them what she’s been working on.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I like the pretty little drawing of you in the wedding dress.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Thank you.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, except your breasts look kinda small. (Points.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Those are my eyes! <b>Those</b> are my breasts. (Points.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! Yeah! (Monica glares at her.)</p>
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<p>[Cut to the guys.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, why don’t you just start with something simple. Like umm,
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Monica from the moment I met you, I <b>knew</b> I loved you.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I’m not sure I can do that.</p>
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<p>[Flashback to when Chandler was introduced to Monica in The One With The Thanksgiving
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Flashbacks.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> ...everyone, this is Chandler!</p>
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<p><b>Fat Monica:</b> Hi, I'm Ross's little sister.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (seeing her) Okay.</p>
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<p>[Cut to the girls.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. Okay. Okay. Umm, maybe you can start with, "Chandler, even
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though we were friends; there was a part of me that always knew I wanted more."</p>
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<p>[Flashback to The One With The Jellyfish, Chandler and Monica are lying on the beach.]</p>
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<font size="3">
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, there’s a nuclear holocaust, I’m the last man on
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Earth. Would you go out with me?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Ennnh.</p>
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</font>
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<p>[Cut back to the girls.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Ooh, are we allowed to lie in the vows?!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well maybe you don’t talk about your feelings back then. Maybe you
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just say something about, y’know, all the things that he’s taught you. Like…
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(They all try to think about one example and don’t succeed.) Or all the things you
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taught him.</p>
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<p>[Flashback to The One With Phoebe's Uterus, Monica is teaching Chandler how to turn a
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woman on. They're in Monica and Rachel's apartment and Monica has just drawn a diagram of
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a woman.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. (She starts labelling
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them) You got one, two three, four (Chandler is shocked to find out there’s more than
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three), five, six, and seven!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (shocked) There are seven?! (Points to one) That’s one?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> It’s kind of an important one!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, y’know-y’know what, I was looking at it upside down.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, y’know, sometimes that helps. (She realises what that
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could’ve meant.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3,
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5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4, (Rachel starts getting worked up) 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7,
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6-7, 7 …7..…7…7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7-7…(mouths 7)! (They both lean back
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on the couch satisfied.)</p>
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<p>[Cut to the guys.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, I got it! How about saying something like, "Monica…</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (writing) Monica…</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> "…when I look back over our time together…"</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (writes what Joey said and waits for him to go on) Yeah?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, I can’t do everything! Look back over your time together.</p>
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<p>[This starts a series of flashbacks beginning with Monica and Chandler in the waiting
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room in The One With the Birth.]</p>
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<font size="3">
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, look, twins. Hi, guys. Oh, cute, cute.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No fair. I don't even have one. How come they get two?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You'll get one.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh yeah? When?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right. I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are
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married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Why won't I be married when I'm 40?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Ok, hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, no, no.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriageable about me?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (trapped) Uh, uh.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack! (throws himself over the back
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of the chair he was sitting in)</p>
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</font>
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<p>[Cut to Ross leaping into Chandler’s Hotel room in London in The One With
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Ross’s Wedding.]</p>
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<b>
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</b><p align="3D"3D"LEFT"""><b>Ross: </b>(Screaming) I’m getting married
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today!! Ahh, whoo-hoo!!(He runs back out the door.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p align="3D"3D"LEFT"""><b>Monica: </b>(Comes up for below the covers and
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looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not
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knowing what to say.)</p>
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<p>[Cut to Chandler opening the door to his and Joey’s apartment to reveal Monica
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standing there with a turkey on her head in The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Nice try.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Wait, wait, wait! (She puts a Shriner's hat on the turkey.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, Monica…</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Look! (She puts a big, yellow pair of sunglasses on the bird.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> This is not going to work.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I bet this will work! (She starts dancing and Chandler cracks up.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You are so great! I love you!</p>
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<p>(Monica stops suddenly and turns around slowly.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Nothing! I said, I said "You're so great" and then I just, I
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just stopped talking!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You said you loved me! I can't believe this!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No I didn't!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes, you did!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No I didn't!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You love me!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No I don't! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!</p>
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<p>(Joey walks in and sees Monica. He freaks out and runs back into the hallway,
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screaming.)</p>
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<p>[Cut to Chandler trying to hint to Monica that he wanted to move in with her in The One
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After Vegas.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y’know I was thinking, what if I uh, unpack here?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Then all your stuff would be here.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, what if all my stuff was here?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Then you’d be going back and forth all the time, I mean it
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doesn’t make any sense.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay. What if we lived together and you understand what I’m
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saying?</p>
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<p>[Cut to Chandler entering his and Monica’s apartment in The One With The Proposal.]</p>
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<p>(He walks dejectedly into his apartment to find it lit with about a thousand candles
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and Monica standing in the living room.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You wanted it to be a surprise.</p>
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<p>(He turns to look at Joey who smiles slyly and closes the door leaving them alone.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh my God.</p>
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<p>(Monica gets down on one knee.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Chandler… In all my life… I never thought I would be so lucky.
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(Starting to cry.) As to…fall in love with my best…my best… There’s a
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reason why girls don’t do this!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay! (He joins her on one knee) Okay! Okay! I'll do it! Oh God,
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I thought… (Starting to cry, pauses) Wait a minute, I-I can do this. (Pause) I
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thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing
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that matters is that you, (Pause) you make me happier than I ever thought I could be.
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(Starting to cry again.) And if you’ll let me, I will spend the rest of my life
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trying to make you feel the same way. (Pause as he gets out the ring.) Monica, will you
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marry me?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes.</p>
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<p>(The crowd goes wild as he puts the ring on her finger. They hug and kiss this time as
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an engaged couple.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (yelling through the door) Can we come it yet?! We’re dying out here!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Come in! Come in! (Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe burst through the door.)
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We’re engaged!!!</p>
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<p>(Everyone screams and has a group hug.)</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are on the couch as Joey and Ross enter.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey, what have you guys been up to?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, we were helping Chandler write his vows, but he kicked us out because
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Joey kept making inappropriate suggestions.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> How is "Monica, I love your sweet ass," inappropriate?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> How’s Monica coming along with her vows?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well let’s just say its.. she’s lucky she has a sweet ass,
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‘cause she’s not so good at the writing.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I can’t believe that in four weeks they’re gonnta be married!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well let’s just hope it works. Y’know, nine out of ten
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marriages end in divorce?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Phoebe that’s not true.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, you’re right. How’s the Mrs.?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I can’t believe they’ve been together for three years.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (shocked) Has it been that long?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Believe me, it seems like less because they hid it from us for so long.</p>
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<p>[Flashback to Joey interrupting a bath Monica and Chandler are sharing in The One With
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All The Kissing. Monica dives underwater as Joey opens the door.]</p>
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<p>(They move into a kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in!</p>
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<p>(Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what
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Chandler's doing.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I've had a very long, hard day.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ahh, I'm gonna go get some chicken. Want some?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p>(Joey leaves and Monica comes up for air.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about
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chicken.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Chicken? I could eat some chicken.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey Joe!</p>
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<p>(Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some coleslaw, some beans, and a <em>Coke</em>—(Yelps
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in pain as Monica grabs him underwater)—<em>Diet Coke</em>.</p>
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<p>(Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.)</p>
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<p>[Cut back to Central Perk.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don’t know why they didn’t just tell us.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I know! I mean it’s not like we weren’t cool about it.</p>
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<p>[This starts a series of flashbacks starting with Monica and Chandler forcing Joey to
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keep his new-found knowledge of their secret relationship in Monica’s bedroom in The
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One With All the Kips.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (To Chandler) You?! (To Monica) And-and you?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes, but you cannot tell anyone! No one knows!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> How?! When?!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> It happened in London.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> <b>IN LONDON!!!</b></p><b>
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</b>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> The reason we didn't tell anyone was because we didn't want to make a
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big deal out of it.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> But it is a big deal!! I have to tell someone! </p>
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<p>(They both grab him and stop him.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No-no-no-no-no! You can't!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Please? Please?! We just don't want to deal with telling everyone, okay?
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Just promise you won't tell.</p>
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<p>(Joey thinks it over.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right! Man, this is unbelievable!</p>
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<p>[Cut to Rachel listening to a phone conversation between Chandler and Monica in The One
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With All the Resolutions.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (on phone) I can't wait to be with you! I'll just tell Rachel I'm
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gonna be doing laundry for a couple of hours.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (on phone) Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname? (Rachel is
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absolutely stunned, she opens her mouth in absolute amazement.)</p>
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|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (on phone) Awww, y'know what your nickname is, Mr. Big…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Arghh!! (She quickly hangs up the phone and starts to pace around
|
||
wondering what to do.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Phoebe in Ross’s new apartment looking at Monica and Chandler and what
|
||
they’re about to do in The One Where Everybody Finds Out.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts
|
||
yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes
|
||
off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (screaming) Ahhh!! Chandler and Monica!! Chandler and Monica!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> <b>CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!!</b></p><b>
|
||
</b>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> OH MY GOD!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> <b>OH!!</b> <b>MY EYES!!!</b> <b>MY EYES!!!!</b></p><b>
|
||
</b>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe!! Phoebe!! It's okay!! It's okay!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> <b>NO! THEY'RE DOING IT!!!</b></p><b>
|
||
</b>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I KNOW!! I KNOW!! I KNOW!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> YOU KNOW?!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know, so you have to stop
|
||
screaming!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) What's going on?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Phoebe and <b>Rachel:</b></b> Ohhh!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (trying to divert his attention from the window by jumping up and down)
|
||
HI!! Hi! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?! What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Nothing! Oh God, we're just so excited that you want to get this
|
||
apartment!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe
|
||
starts jumping to divert his attention.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (Screaming incoherently.) Get in here!!! (Motions to join her and
|
||
Rachel.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross starts jumping and screaming incoherently and hops over and joins in on the group
|
||
hug.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to later in that episode in Central Perk, a meeting with Phoebe, Rachel, and Joey
|
||
where they discuss Chandler and Monica.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, so now they know that you know, and they don't know that Rachel
|
||
knows?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us
|
||
know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would
|
||
finally be over!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Or, we could <b>not</b> tell them we know and have a little fun of our
|
||
own</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to later in that episode. Rachel and Phoebe are going to a movie from Monica and
|
||
Chandler’s, and as Phoebe walks by Chandler she pinches him on the butt and exits.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Bye!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Bye!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Bye Chandler! (She walks up to him.) (Quietly.) I miss you already. (She
|
||
pinches his butt.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (after they've left) Okay, did you see that?! With the inappropriate
|
||
and the pinching!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Actually, I did!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, so now do you believe that she's attracted to me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ohhh, oh my God! Oh my God! She knows about us!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to later in that episode. Monica and Chandler are confronting Joey in his
|
||
apartment about Phoebe’s knowledge.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Phoebe knows about us!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well <b>I</b> didn't tell them!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Them?! Who's them?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Joey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh man, they think they are so <b>slick</b> messing with us! But, see,
|
||
they don't know that we know that they know! So…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ahh yes, the messers become the messees!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to later in that episode. Phoebe is telling Rachel in Monica and Chandler’s
|
||
that Chandler wants to make a date with Phoebe.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! (Hangs up.) Oh my God!
|
||
He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Are you kidding?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I can not believe he would do that to Mon—Whoa! (She stops suddenly
|
||
and slowly turns to point at Joey. Joey is avoiding her eyes.) Joey, do they know that we
|
||
know?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> They know you know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ugh, I knew it! Oh I cannot believe those two!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with
|
||
us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey,
|
||
you can't say anything!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I couldn't even if I wanted to.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to later in that episode. Chandler is in his bathroom with Monica, and he’s
|
||
panicking on how far Phoebe is pushing him.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put
|
||
lotion on her! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> She's bluffing!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, she's not backing down! She went like this! (He does a little
|
||
mimic of her dance.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to the hallway where Phoebe is conferring with Rachel.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> He's not backing down. He went to get lotion.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering the hall) Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler
|
||
the sooner this is all over and out in the open.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ooh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I like that! (To Phoebe) Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras!
|
||
Can't work 'em! (He swiftly rips open the front of Phoebe's dress revealing her bra.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Joey! (Examining the dress.) Wow, you didn’t rip off any buttons.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> It's not my first time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to the bathroom.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You go back out there, and you seduce her till she cracks!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, give me a second! (Pause) Did you clean up in here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Of course.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from
|
||
behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, you're-you're going?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, not without you, lover. (She slowly walks over to him and is
|
||
showcasing her bra.) So, this is my bra.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (swallowing hard) It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very
|
||
happy we're gonna have all the sex.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You should be. I'm very bendy. (Pause) I'm gonna kiss you now.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Not if I kiss you first.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They move closer together and Phoebe hesitantly puts her hand on Chandler's hip. He
|
||
puts his hand on her waist, but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Phoebe
|
||
then grabs his butt. Chandler goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her
|
||
shoulder.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but-but kiss.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Here it comes. Our first kiss.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They slowly and hesitantly move their lips together and kiss gently. Phoebe has her
|
||
eyes wide open in shock and Chandler is squinting. He finally breaks the kiss after only a
|
||
short while and pushes Phoebe away.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have sex with ya!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> And why not?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Because I'm in love with Monica!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You're-you're what?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Rachel and Joey both enter.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Love her! That's right, I…LOVE…HER!!! I love her!! (They
|
||
walk together and hug.) I love you, Monica.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I love you too, Chandler. (They kiss.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I just—I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in
|
||
love!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So that's it! It's over! Everybody knows!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well actually, Ross doesn't.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to later in that episode. Ross is showing his boss his new place.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (He notices something through the window.) No! No! Wh… What are you
|
||
doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) <b>GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Joey and Ross are talking.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Y’know, you’re friend’s getting married, it’s gotta
|
||
change things.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You really think it would be that different?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> How could it not be? I mean pretty soon they’re gonna be having
|
||
kids, and then they’re just gonna be hanging out with other couples who have kids.
|
||
And then maybe they’re gonna have to leave the city to be near a <i>Volvo</i>
|
||
dealership.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, things change.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I don’t want them to move to a <i>Volvo</i> dealership!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> It’ll be okay Joe.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I’m sorry, I just…I like things the way they are.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Flashback to the gang in Central Perk in The One Where Nana Dies Twice, they’re
|
||
all going through an old photo album.]</p>
|
||
<font size="3">
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey, who's this little naked guy?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That little naked guy would be me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Aww, look at the little thing.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes, yes, fine, that is my penis. Can we be grown-ups now?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Who are those people?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Got me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, that's Nana, right there in the middle. (Reads the back) 'Me and the
|
||
gang at Java Joe's'. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wow, Monica, you look just like your grandmother. How old was she there?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Let's see, 1939... yeah, 24, 25?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Looks like a fun gang. (They all look at each other and smile)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ooh, look-look-look-look-look! I got Monica naked!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (looking) No-no, that would be me again.</p>
|
||
</font>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut back to Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are entering.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey, you guys!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What’s going on?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, we were just talkin’ about you guys gettin’ married and
|
||
how great it is.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, you can get a <i>Volvo</i>. If that’s what you really want.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh that’s so sweet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So we both finished our vows.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, can we read them?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, I don’t hear Chandler’s and he doesn’t hear mine.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They spilt into their sexes and the girls read Monica’s and the guys read
|
||
Chandler’s. The girls gasp and groan and the guys laugh hysterically.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (To Monica) Oh, that’s beautiful.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (To Chandler) (laughing) Funny one! That’s good!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (To Monica) Monica, will-will you marry me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross laughs.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What? I don’t get it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross points to the explanation and he gets it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (To Chandler) Oh man, this is hilarious.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Chandler!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Don’t worry honey, we’ll make yours funnier.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Ross and Joey are reading Chandler’s new vows.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, what do you guys think?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (quietly) Dude!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (starting to cry) I have never known love like this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You really like it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Dude! How-how did you write this?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I stole Monica’s and changed the name.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You can’t <b>do</b> that!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> If he goes first he can!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |