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<title>The One With Chandler's Work Laugh</title>
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<h1 align="center">The One With Chandler's Work Laugh</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Alicia Sky Varinaitis<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to pry more information about Chandler
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and Monica from Joey who's sitting on the couch and busy downing a pizza.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Come on Joey!!!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Rach, I told you everything I knew last night! Look, it's not that big of a deal,
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so Monica and Chandler are doing it.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I can't believe you would say that!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Sorry. Monica and Chandler are making love.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No! I mean come on! This is a <b>huge</b> deal! (She sits next to him on the
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couch.) Fine I want—I need more details, who-who initiated the first kiss?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (thinks) I don't know.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Is he romantic with her?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I don't know.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Are they in love?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (thinks) I don't know.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You don't know anything.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ohh, I know one thing!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> They did it right there on the couch. </p>
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<p>(He points to where she's sitting and she jumps up quickly.)</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there as Ross enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Ross!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (disinterested) Hey-yeah. (He hurries up to the counter.) Hey Gunther, can I have
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a scone please? (To the gang.) Wanna hear some good news? Someone I know is getting
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married! Yeah! And weddings are happy occasions! Oh, by-the-by it's my ex-wife Emily!</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> What? Oh!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Sorry man.</p>
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<p><b>Gunther:</b> Here's your scone.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, thanks Gunther. (He takes it, hands the plate it's on to Rachel, sets it down
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on the table, and proceeds to pound it into oblivion while saying.) STUPID BRITISH SNACK
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FOOD!!!!!!!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Did they teach you that in your anger management class?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey, you know what might help you deal with it? Think of it this way, you and
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Emily are in the past and you can't be mad about the past. So are you still mad about the
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Louisiana Purchase?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Pheebs, I don’t think anyone's mad about that.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Exactly! Because it's in the past!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (eyeing the flattened scone) Anybody gonna eat that?</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler's office, Monica and him are at a party his office is throwing.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Look at us all dressed up for the big office party! By the way, what are we
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celebrating?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, we had a lot of liquor left over from the Christmas party.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I think this is so cool because none of our friends are here and we can be a
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real couple. We don't have to hide.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I know, I can do this. (He takes her hand.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Ooh, and I can do this. (She kisses him on the cheek.)</p>
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<p>(They both stand real close together.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Both:</b> We can't do that. (They separate.)</p>
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<p>(Chandler's boss (Doug) walks up.)</p>
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<p><b>Doug:</b> Hey Bing! (Slaps him on his ass.) (Sees Monica) Wo-ho-ho, who's the pretty lady
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and what the hell is she doing with you?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I asked myself that very question, sir. Uh, (Points to Monica) this is
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Monica. (Points to his boss.) This is my boss, Doug. Doug this is Monica.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hi, nice to meet you!</p>
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<p><b>Doug:</b> Hi! And this is my wife Kara.</p>
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<p><b>Kara:</b> Nice to meet you Monica. Bing! (Slaps Chandler on his butt.)</p>
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<p><b>Doug:</b> Say uh, Bing, did you hear about the new law firm we got working for us?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, sir.</p>
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<p><b>Doug:</b> Yeah, Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe.</p>
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<p>(Chandler does a fake laugh.)</p>
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<p><b>Doug:</b> Come on honey, let's go drink our body weight. (They walk off leaving Chandler
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and Monica alone.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What was that?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> That noise you just made?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, that was my work laugh.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Really? Your work laugh?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, believe me, to survive this party, you're gonna have to come up with one
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too.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, check me out.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p>(She walks up to where Doug is finishing another joke to another group.)</p>
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<p><b>Doug:</b> …says $30 Father; same as in town.</p>
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<p>(Monica does a fake laugh. For the laughs, you'll have to see the episode. I can't
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describe them.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Monica is buying a muffin as Chandler runs in.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey! Everybody at work loved you last night! </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Really?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> <b>And</b>! They like me more just because I was with ya! I think you
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repaired a lot of the damage from when they met Joey. And Doug wants us to play tennis
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with them. He's never even <b>talked</b> to me outside of work. Except for that time when
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we bumped into each other at that strip club. (She glares at him.) Strip church. Anyway,
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I'm gonna go try and find a racquet.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey, I thought you already had one.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh I used too, but then Joey thought it would be fun to go to Central Park
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and hit rocks at…bigger rocks. (He starts to leave and stops an entering Rachel.) Hey
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Rach, do you have a tennis racquet?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh umm, y'know I lent it to Joey and I never actually got it back.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, good luck with that. (Exits.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (To Monica) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What's up?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What are you doing here? I thought you had to do inventory all day.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well yeah, I do, but I decided to take a long lunch and spend some time with my
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friend Monica. Y'know I-I feel that we don't talk anymore. How are you? What is new with
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you?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Uhh, not much. Uh, work's good.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh y'know what, we don’t have to talk about work. We can talk about
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anything!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay. Umm…</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey! Y'know what? Let's talk about relationships!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, what's going on with you?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Nothing! You go!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, I-I—there was this guy at the bank that I thought was cute umm, but
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I don't anymore.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wow that's uh, juicy. Umm, (checks watch) y'know what though Mon, I actually do
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have a lot of work to do so if-if—are you sure there's just not anything else?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes, I'm sure! Rachel is there something that you want to talk me about?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No! (Gets up to leave.) (Under her breath.) If there was I wouldn't tell you.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe is settling a dispute between the chick and
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the duck.]</p>
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<p>(The duck quacks.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, then what happened?</p>
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<p>(The duck flaps its wings frantically.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (gasps) Ohh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. (The chick clucks.) You'll get your turn!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering from the bathroom) Hey Pheebs, what's going on?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Nothing! (Picks up and sets the chick down on the floor.) (To the chick.) This
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is not over!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No! No! No!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I was up all night writing this really nasty letter to Emily! It was perfect and
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now it's all covered in-in… (The duck quacks.) Actually, thanks!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering from his room) All right! Everybody ready to go to the movies?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh actually, I think I'm gonna skip it.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Really?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, I'm gonna stay and read my book. I just wanna be alone right now.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh. Are you sure you don't want to come? Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, they get mail and
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stuff.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> That's okay, Joe.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, let's go Pheebs.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (licks the envelope and encounters a foreign substance on the glue.) Oh God!</p>
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<p>[Scene: A tennis court somewhere in the city of New York, it's the doubles match-up of
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a century Chandler and Monica versus Doug and Kara.]</p>
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<p><b>Doug:</b> Bing! </p>
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<p>(Hits the ball towards Chandler who returns it back to him. He then hits the ball at
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Monica who slams it and it bounces off Kara's leg.)</p>
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<p><b>Kara:</b> Oww!!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Game!</p>
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<p><b>Doug:</b> Well, I gotta tell ya Bing; that partner of yours is a real tiger. (To his wife.)
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Are you all right sweethart?</p>
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<p><b>Kara:</b> (out of breath and mouths) I'm not all right.</p>
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<p><b>Doug:</b> We're, we're just gonna get a little sip of water.</p>
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<p>(They both walk off the court.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Am I on fire today or what?! Those birds are browned, basted, and ready to be
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carved!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, easy Martina. I think we should let them win the next game.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I'm sorry, I don't understand what you just said.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Let them win one.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Are you crazy?! We own those two! I mean look at 'um, he can't breath and she's
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popping pills.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You're not even giving them a chance!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> They have racquets don't they?!</p>
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<p><b>Doug:</b> Uh Bing, I think we're gonna make this the last game.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yes, sir! Put me out of my misery. Are you sure you never played pro?
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(Does his work laugh.) (To Monica) Please let them win!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I'll take it down to 95% but that's the best I can do.</p>
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<p>(She serves to Doug who returns it to Chandler. As it bounces over his head Chandler
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swings and misses.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oopsey, missed it!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I got it! (She hits a forehand smash that bounces right in between Doug and
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Kara and scores a point.)</p>
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<p><b>Doug:</b> Nice shot.</p>
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<p>(Chandler glares at her and she shrugs her shoulders. Monica serves again; and Kara
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returns it.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I got it!!</p>
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<p>(Chandler cuts in front of her and hits the ball high and long.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Long! (Gives Monica the Work Laugh.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Chandler are returning from the game.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I can't believe you let them win!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, at least you hid your feelings well about it. (Removes a smashed
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racquet from his bag.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I was frustrated.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> It was my racquet.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I was frustrated with you!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> If we hadn't lost the game they never would've invented us to dinner tomorrow
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night.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know what really bothers me? Is—it's how-how different you act around
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them! I mean y'know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the "I'll see you
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around, Bing!" "Not if I see you first, Doug!" (Mocks the fake laugh.) I
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gotta tell you, I don't like Work Chandler. Okay? The guy's a suck-up.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay y'know what, because you said that, I'm not putting out tonight.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, the next morning the girls are there with Joey.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I'm telling you, something's wrong! My brother does not stay out all night.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Maybe we should check the trash chute.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross couldn't fit down the trash chute.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> That's right, he almost could. Which is exactly how I got stuck there.</p>
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<p>(Ross enters.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> There he is!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God! (She goes to hug him, stops short, and hits him on the shoulder.)
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Where the hell have you been?!!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Just, y'know out.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, out, oh God, I don't know why we didn't think to check there!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What were you doing?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I uh, went to a bar. And then I just uh, just walked around for a while.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You walked around all night in the city by yourself?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (snaps his fingers) He hooked up! He hooked up with someone.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Look, I don't have to answer your questions! Okay? I'm a big boy, I can do
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whatever I want!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> He hooked up!! Tell us about her!</p>
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<p>[Suddenly the door opens and Ross's mystery girl enters. I'll give you a hint to who it
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is: OH….MY….GAWD!! Uh-huh, it's Janice.]</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> (entering) Ross you left you scarf in…(sees everyone.) Hey you guys. (Does
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the laugh.)</p>
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<p>(They all turn and with shocked looks on their faces stare at Ross. Ross is at a loss
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for words at this moment.)</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, continued from earlier.]</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Uh-oh-okay. Uh-oh-okay. I know what you all are thinking. But Chandler is in <b>Yemen</b>!
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I'm a young woman! I have needs! I can't wait forever!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah! No that's what I was thinking.</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> So I'm asking you please, take a moment before you judge me.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, nobody's judging you. (They all turn and look at Ross.)</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Oh! Okay! (To Ross) You, Mister Right Place at the Right Time, call me! (Does
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her famous, or is that infamous, laugh and exits.)</p>
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<p>(They all turn and glare at Ross.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, look, I-I know what you guys are going to say…</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You two will have very hairy children.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, I didn't know you would say that.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross! Janice?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, hold on! Hold on. Hold on. This is Ross, okay? He's our friend. He
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obviously went crazy. He obviously lost his mind.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Look, I <b>didn't</b> lose my mind! Okay, Janice and I have a lot in common!
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We've-we've both been divorced. We-we both have kids.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So are you actually gonna see her again?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Phoebe! Don't put ideas in his head!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I <b>am</b> gonna see her again.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Damnit Phoebe!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is going through her purse as Rachel rushes in.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering) Okay, I have to tell you something that I have never admitted during
|
||
our entire friendship! But, when we were in high school I made out with James Farrell even
|
||
when I knew that you liked him! Wow, that feels so good to get off my chest! Okay, you go!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> My turn? What-what are you talking about?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ugh, Monica, I know about you and Chandler.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I overheard you guys on the phone the other day, and you said, "I'll just
|
||
tell Rachel that I'm doing laundry for a couple of hours." And he said,
|
||
"Laundry? Is <b>that</b> my new nickname?" And you said, "No! You know what
|
||
your nickname is, Mr. Big."</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well. Sounds like you're writing yourself a little play there Rach. Wow! Let me
|
||
know how that one turns out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I wouldn't know because I got so freaked out that I hung up the phone.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, if you had kept listening, you-you would have heard me call him Mr.
|
||
Big…(Thinks)…ot.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Mr. Bigot. He tells the most <b>racist</b> jokes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right. So you're telling me that there is nothing going on between you and
|
||
Chandler.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Me and Chandler?! (Does her fake laugh.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Phoebe and Joey are there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, put your 20 bucks down. First one to find the tasty treat wins. Okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh-hmm.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right. Let's get the contestants out of their isolation booths. (He removes
|
||
the waste bucket that's over the duck and the laundry basket that's over the chicken.) And
|
||
they're off! (He puts his foot in front of the chick, stopping it from moving.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Get your foot off my contestant! Judge!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Judge rules, no violation.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ohhh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hey guys!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Neither of them turns around from watching the chick and the duck look for the tasty
|
||
treat.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Y'know what? It sounds so weird to say this but, I just had a great day with
|
||
Janice! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They both turn around.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Are you serious?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah! I opened up to her about all the terrible stuff that's been happening to
|
||
me. I mean I talked for hours. (Joey has lost interest and is watching the race again.) It
|
||
is amazing to have someone give you such-such focused attention.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You don't need Janice for that, you've got us. We…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> And the duck gets the Nutter-Butter!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (turning from Ross.) No!! Hey-hey that's not a Nutter-Butter, that's just an
|
||
old Wonton!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Judge rules, Nutter-Butter.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ohh, tough call.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Doug's house, Chandler, Monica, and them are just finishing dinner.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Doug:</b> But seriously, I believe that we should all support President Clinton. And her
|
||
husband Bill. (Chandler does the laugh.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kara:</b> So how do you kids like your coffee?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, none for me. Thanks.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Just a little bit of sugar.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Doug:</b> Well, maybe I'll bring it out and have Monica stick her finger in it. That oughta
|
||
sweeten it up, huh? (Once again, with the laugh.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Doug and Kara go get the coffee.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (To Chandler) How does that laugh not give you a headache?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, you get used to it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know, I-I-I don't think that I can. So if you don't mind, maybe this will be
|
||
it for me on the work things.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So I laugh at my boss's jokes, what's the big deal?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I'd rather hang out with a sniveling work weasel guy when I can be hanging out
|
||
with my boyfriend who I actually respect.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh. (Does a double take when he realizes what she just said.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Doug:</b> (entering) Uh, I gotta apologize for Kara's coffee. Y'know, I feel sorry for it
|
||
if it ever got in a fight, it's not strong enough to defend itself. (Chandler does not
|
||
laugh.) Did you hear what I said Bing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Doug:</b> The joke Bing. What's the matter with you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I-I just didn't think it was funny sir.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Doug:</b> Excuse me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I just…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (interrupting) Honey, I just don't think that you understood the joke.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah! I mean it was really funny, I-I just don't think you got it. You see
|
||
Kara's coffee is-is-is weak tasting, okay? But-but what Doug was-was imply that it was
|
||
weak physically. You get it now honey?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I think I do! (They all laugh.) Thank you, Monica.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I thought you could use the help.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Coffee in a fight! (Does the laugh again.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is going through the mail as Joey enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey Rach! Hey, you mind if I read my comic books in here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Sure! Why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh well, Chandler and Monica are over there and it's kinda hard to concentrate.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?! She just called and said that she was gonna be working late! She keeps
|
||
lying to me! That's it! Y'know what? I'm just gonna go over there and confront them right
|
||
now!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's apartment, Rachel enters and sneaks up to Chandler's
|
||
bedroom where she overhears Chandler and Monica talking.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (from his bedroom) All right, so you're telling me that I have to tell racist
|
||
jokes now?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Sorry! I'm just—I'm not very good at this! I'm a terrible liar and I hate
|
||
having to lie to Rachel!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> But we're not ready to tell yet!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I know! It's just that…ever since high school Rachel was the one person I
|
||
told everything too. Y'know? I miss that so much now. She's my best friend.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel decides not to confront them and starts to walk out, knocking over a lamp in
|
||
the process.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering) Joey?! Oh my God, Rachel!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey! Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wh-wh-what are you doing here? (She tries to pull her shirt down to cover the
|
||
fact that she's wearing men's boxers.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I was actually—I-I came over here to-to borrow this lamp. To umm,
|
||
look at my books, y'know, see them a little better.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay great! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Great! Umm, well what-what I was doing in Chandler's room is that umm, I was
|
||
cleaning it! In fact, he pays me to clean it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh! What a great way to earn some extra pocket money.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know when I said to you earlier that I was at work umm, I'm at my new work.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> That's good enough. Right? (Pause.) Okay, well umm, I'm gonna go look at my
|
||
books!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I'll get back to my new job.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Pause.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> 'Kay. (Pause.) Congratulations on your new job. (She goes and hugs Monica and
|
||
is almost in tears.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(After she exits, Chandler enters.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Man, she is really gullible.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica motions that it went right over Rachel's head.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Ross and Janice are sitting on the couch.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gunther:</b> Here you go. (Serves them both some coffee.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Thanks!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> Actually, I should get going.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Are you sure? Because I can stay out as late as you want. I told you how I'm on
|
||
sabbatical from work, right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> Yes! Yes! You did!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> What is wrong now?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> This isn't what I ordered! Man! Can anything go right in my life?! First my
|
||
marriage falls apart and then…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> I know! I know! And then you lose your apartment! And then you lose your job!
|
||
And then your ex-wife gets married so fast! And now the coffee—ahh!! Ross, we need to
|
||
talk.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay. Sometimes I feel…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> No-no-no, no. <b>I'm</b> going to talk. I believe that the sun has set on our
|
||
day in the sun.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Huh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> (starting to cry) You're a very sweet person Ross, umm, unfortunately I don't
|
||
think I can take another second of you whining!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Let-let me make sure I'm hearing this right, you're ending this with me because <b>I'm</b>
|
||
too whiney? (Janice makes an agreeing sound.) So you're saying, I've become so whiney that
|
||
<b>I</b> annoy <b>you</b>, Janice.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> Well yeah!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> OH…MY…GOD!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> Are you gonna be okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I am now.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey enters.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Umm, hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Janice:</b> Oh hi! Well, I guess that's two out of three, Joey. (Laughs and exits.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey looks at Ross with a horrified look on his face.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Chandler is reading a magazine as Ross hands him a
|
||
beer.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Dude, we got to talk.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I just wanted to tell you something before you heard it from someone else and I
|
||
hope this isn't too weird, but uh, I had uh, a thing with Janice. (He laughs, his real
|
||
laugh this time.) What you're-you're not mad?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why would I be mad?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, because y'know there are certain rules about this kind of stuff. You don't
|
||
uh, you don't fool around with your uh, friend's ex-girlfriends or possible girlfriends or
|
||
girls they're related to.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (realizes what Ross just said and the implications to him) I am mad! But you
|
||
know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna forgive you! Because that's what friends do! They
|
||
forgive their friends when they do everything you just said, all on the list there. Well,
|
||
but I want you to remember that <b>I</b> forgave you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I also want you to remember that I let you live here rent free!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> All right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> And, I want you to remember that I gave you twenty (counts his money) seven
|
||
dollars. No strings attached. Now, if you can't remember that, I think we should write it
|
||
down—let's write it down!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<hr>
|
||
|
||
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|
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|
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|
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|
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|
||
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