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STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION
"The Outrageous Okona"
#40272-130
Premise by
Les Menchen & Lance Dickson
and
David Landsberg
Teleplay by
Burton Armus
Directed by
Robert Becker
THE WRITING CREDITS MAY NOT BE FINAL AND SHOULD NOT BE USED
FOR PUBLICITY OR ADVERTISING PURPOSES WITHOUT FIRST CHECKING
WITH THE TELEVISION LEGAL DEPARTMENT.
Copyright 1988 Paramount Pictures Corporation. All Rights
Reserved. This script is not for publication or
reproduction. No one is authorized to dispose of same. If
lost or destroyed, please notify the Script Department.
FINAL DRAFT
OCTOBER 4, 1988
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - CAST
STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION
"The Outrageous Okona"
CAST
PICARD THADIUN OKONA
RIKER THE COMIC
DATA DEBIN
PULASKI KUSHELL
TROI BENZAN
GEORDI YANAR
WORF
WESLEY
GUINAN
TRANSPORTER CHIEF (B.G. ROBINSON)
Non-Speaking
CREWMEMBERS
TWO SECURITY OFFICERS
AUDIENCE
Voice-Over
COMPUTER VOICE
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - SETS
STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION
"The Outrageous Okona"
SETS
INTERIORS EXTERIORS
USS ENTERPRISE USS ENTERPRISE
MAIN BRIDGE
AFT STATIONS - ERSTWHILE
MISSION CONTROL PANEL
TRANSPORTER ROOM TWO OTHER SPACECRAFT
TRANSPORTER PAD
MAIN ENGINEERING
JEFFERIES TUBE
CORRIDOR
TEN-FORWARD
CORRIDOR -
OUTSIDE HOLODECK
HOLODECK (NIGHTCLUB)
B.G. ROBINSON'S QUARTERS
OBSERVATION LOUNGE
DEBIN CRAFT
MAIN BRIDGE
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - TEASER 1.
STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION
"The Outrageous Okona"
TEASER
FADE IN:
1 EXT. SPACE - THE ENTERPRISE (OPTICAL)
as it moves through space at impulse speed
PICARD (V.O.)
Captain's log, Stardate 42502.7.
We are traveling in the Omega
Twelve System traversing between
a clustering of small planets that
form the coalition of Madena VI.
2 INT. MAIN BRIDGE
We see the complement of people who normally make up
the bridge crew. DATA and WESLEY at the front consoles
controlling CONN and OPS. RIKER sits on one side of
PICARD at the Command Area, the opposite seat empty,
WORF stands near the Science Stations which are manned
by n.d. crewmembers.
PICARD (V.O.)
(continuing)
Each of these planets is populated
by separate humanoid people who
co-exist and trade technology and
minerals under a precarious but
successful treaty.
3 AFT STATIONS - MISSION CONTROL PANEL
An ALERT SIGNAL FLASHES on the screen. The science
crewmember looks up to Worf who steps to the panel,
checks it and then announces.
WORF
We have an unidentified vessel
approaching.
RIKER
Give me grid markers.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - TEASER 2.
3 CONTINUED:
WORF
Sector three-nine-five-six,
mark zero-nine-one.
The personnel on the bridge show little emotion but
you can sense a little stiffening of their posture,
a glint of expectation in Worf's eyes. Picard sits
coolly and observes his well-tuned crew handling the
situation.
4 ANGLE ON SCIENCE SCREEN - INTERCUTS AS NEEDED
Lines start to form the three dimensions blueprint of
a space vehicle, at first very sparse and then filling
quickly as more information runs through the computers
and information bands run across the lower portion of
the screen.
DATA
Sensor readings place overall
dimension of vehicle an
interplanetary cargo ship.
WORF
One life sign on board, appears
to be humanoid.
In the b.g. we see TROI exit the turbolift and take
her place quietly beside Picard.
DATA
A vessel of that size usually
maintains a crew of six.
WORF
Minimum armament present.
DATA
Sensors show cargo holds are
empty.
WORF
The course is inconsistent with
normal cargo routes.
RIKER
This could be a primitive method
to elude detection.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - TEASER 3.
5 SCIENCE SCREEN
The three-dimensional schematic slowly revolves around
the screen showing all angles of the unidentified
craft. An alert RED DOT BLINKS on the interior of part
of the live blueprint and a band of continuing detail
specifications rolls across the lower portion of the
screen.
DATA
Readout shows a burnout in
inertial guidance system...
RIKER
The pilot is attempting to hold
his vessel in check manually.
WORF
That could be a pretense.
6 ON PICARD
He speaks calmly.
PICARD
Captain's log, supplemental. We
have just encountered and
identified an interplanetary cargo
vessel which is apparently in need
of emergency assistance. We will
make every effort to do so.
(beat)
Open hailing frequencies.
WORF
Hailing frequencies open.
PICARD
This is the USS Enterprise.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard, over.
A pleasant male voice with the touch of laughter and
humor in it comes over the speakers.
OKONA'S COM VOICE
And this is the cargo ship
Erstwhile "limping" and "skidding"
off course. Captain Okona at your
service. As you see, there is
no need for phasers, Captain.
I'm harmless and not quite ready
yet for mercy killing.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - TEASER 4.
6 CONTINUED:
PICARD
You were never considered a danger
to us, Captain Okona.
OKONA'S COM VOICE
It's a shame. I can remember when
I was at least considered a
"risk."
There is a moment of silence, then the sound of Okona's
laughter, which builds and becomes infectious. At
first it puzzles the Enterprise crew, then the laughter
catches hold and slight smiles begin to break the
tension.
WORF
The ship is in viewer range now,
Captain.
PICARD
Main Viewer on.
7 ON MAIN VIEWER (OPTICAL)
We now see the image of the man, his face slightly
turned from the screen and not clearly showing. His
joviality continues, and although more subdued, seems
to be just as contagious.
OKONA
I'm the owner and operator of this
craft and since we both know you
scanned my vessel, you know I'm
alone and empty...
(smile)
... and it's truly a rare occasion
for a man of my charm, beauty and
talent.
Okona mocks his own arrogance with his spontaneous
laughter. His humorous jab at himself takes the bite
off the remark.
8 CLOSER ON MAIN VIEWER - OKONA (OPTICAL)
Turns his smile full face to the Main Viewer. He has
the look of a hero, the twinkle in the steely blue eyes
softening the rugged handsomeness of the man.

STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - TEASER 5.
8 CONTINUED:
OKONA
But then with the condition of
this vessel I'm glad I have no
responsibilities except for myself
till I can get some repairs.
9 INT. MAIN BRIDGE (OPTICAL)
Picard turns to Troi.
PICARD
Counselor, can you read him?
TROI
His emotions suggest that he is
mischievous, irreverent and
somewhat brazen.
(beat)
And some other things...
(unsure)
The word that seems to describe
him best is "rogue."
DATA
Rogue? Accessing "rogue."
(kicks in)
Cad, knave, rake, rascal,
scoundrel, villain.
TROI
Yes, all of that, but he shows
no malevolence, or ill will.
Picard turns back to the viewscreen.
PICARD
What form of assistance can we
offer you, Captain?
OKONA
I had a burnout on my guidance
system. I'd appreciate it if I
could use your facilities to
repair it.
WESLEY
It would be possible.
PICARD
Estimate, Mister Data.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - TEASER 6.
9 CONTINUED:
DATA
Time for repair would be seven
hours sixteen minutes.
RIKER
Okona will have to shut down while
we verify specifications.
Picard holds a few beats, then issues his orders.
PICARD
Lieutenant Worf, prepare security
procedures.
(to Okona)
We can accommodate you.
WORF
I'll allow him limited access.
RIKER
If you'll prepare to shut down
your engines we'll lock on
tractors and beam you aboard.
OKONA
Many thanks, Captain Picard.
RIKER
Transporter Chief, prepare to beam
aboard from Tractor lock bearing.
The well-modulated female voice of the TRANSPORTER
CHIEF, B.G. ROBINSON, answers.
B.G. ROBINSON'S COM VOICE
Yes Number One, at your command.
OKONA
Is that a woman's voice I hear?
PICARD
Yes. Now please follow the
directions of Commander Riker so
our ship can get back to its
normal routine.
Riker smiles as he moves away. Picard notices.
PICARD
(continuing)
Something funny, Commander Riker.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - TEASER 7.
9 CONTINUED: (2)
RIKER
The unexpected, like what's
happening now, IS our normal
routine.
Picard muses for a beat, a slight nod shows his
agreement.
FADE OUT.
END OF TEASER
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT ONE 8.
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
10 EXT. SPACE - THE ENTERPRISE / THE ERSTWHILE (OPTICAL)
As the Erstwhile creeps closer and closer to its
docking berth, the vastness of the surrounding
starfield framing it with brilliance as the two
contrasting sized crafts seem to float closer and
closer.
RIKER (O.S.)
Hold it steady, Wesley. We're
ready to link up. On my
command...
WESLEY (O.S.)
Aye Number One.
The Erstwhile reaches the proper point of contact.
RIKER (O.S.)
Easy... easy...
(beat)
Engage. Shut down engines,
Captain Okona.
A laser-like RED BEAM shoots from the Enterprise and
locks into the nose of the Erstwhile and holds it there
in a stationary position. The Erstwhile shuts down.
11 INT. MAIN BRIDGE
With the same crew intact except for Worf. Riker is
in his command position. He rises from his position.
RIKER
Transporter Room proceed with
Beaming Operation. I'm on my way.
B.G. ROBINSON'S COM VOICE
Yes, Commander.
Riker, Wesley and Data move to the turbolift and enter.
The door slides shut behind them.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT ONE 9.
12 INT. TRANSPORTER ROOM
Worf and TWO SECURITY MEN bracket the very feminine
and graciously endowed Transporter Commander B.G.
Robinson. Everything she has two of are perfectly
matched, coordinated, and move with a wonderful grace
that is called "woman." B.G. goes through the
procedures of the transfer in her usual professional
manner.
13 TRANSPORTER PAD (OPTICAL)
The heroic visage of Okona MATERIALIZES and smiles down
at the Group assembled. He is dressed in a
loose-fitting, open-necked blouse, wide belt and casual
looking pants, his look is in opposition to the
well-tailored Enterprise crewmembers. His sidearms
are also less sophisticated and are tucked into his
waistband. The malfunctioning guidance mechanism
swings nonchalantly from the burnt-out wires in his
grasp. Riker nods to Worf who steps forward.
WORF
Your weapons, please.
14 CLOSER ANGLE
Okona and Worf study each other openly, that brief
moment of tension when two strong men measure each
other. Okona, still with a trace of a smile on his
face, diminishes some of the apprehension and gives
in to Worf's stature without surrendering..
OKONA
You're the tough one on this ship.
The muscle man.
WORF
Security.
OKONA
That's the usual name for warriors
nowadays.
Okona unclips a belt and hands over all his weapons...
Worf still stands there... Okona's smile broadens and
he reaches behind his back and slips out a long heavy
knife. He hands that to Worf, hilt first.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT ONE 10.
14 CONTINUED:
OKONA
(continuing)
It's more of a piece of jewelry
than a weapon. A remembrance.
Worf accepts the excuse and the knife calmly, admires
its weight, balance, and sharpness.
WORF
It will be returned when you
leave.
Riker steps forward away from Data and Wesley, extends
his hand. Geordi is also in the room.
RIKER
Welcome aboard, Captain Okona.
I'm Commander Riker.
(shakes hands)
If you turn over the inoperative
part to Lieutenant La Forge he'll
begin repairs.
OKONA
I'd be most happy to do the work
myself, I'm sort of a "hands on"
type...
WORF
That will not be permitted.
OKONA
Can I at least watch? Maybe offer
some suggestions?
RIKER
I think that could be arranged...
Geordi moves closer to Riker to accept the broken part.
Okona, with a twinkle in his eye, reaches around him
and hands it to a rather shocked Wesley.
OKONA
Here you are, Lieutenant. I leave
it in your capable hands.
WESLEY
(reacts)
No, this is Lieutenant La Forge,
I'm only an ensign.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT ONE 11.
14 CONTINUED: (2)
OKONA
Well ensigns have names, don't
they?
WESLEY
Wesley... Wesley Crusher..
OKONA
(enjoying himself)
Nice to meet you Ensign "Wesley
Wesley" Crusher.
Accepts, Wesley smiles and shakes his hand. Geordi
nods his greeting to Okona, takes the damaged part from
Wesley; but before he can say anything, Okona has moved
across the room to face B.G. Robinson.
15 FEATURING OKONA AND B.G.
Okona stands directly in front of her, leans forward
and blocks her view of anything but him. He looks her
directly in the eyes, gets her full attention, then
slowly and with great gentleness takes a few wayward
strands of her hair and tucks it back behind her ear
as he speaks softly to her.
OKONA
And thank you for beaming me here
and inviting me to see a truly
beautiful woman.
(touches her chin)
You have the majestic carriage
and loveliness that could surely
be traced back to the noble
families who once ruled romantic
lands with benevolent and tender
hands.
B.G. smiles openly and knowingly, but plays along...
and Okona develops a hurt look. His eyes continue to
show his humor.
B.G. ROBINSON
I'm sure you said that to many
ladies and it was no more true
then, than it is now.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT ONE 12.
15 CONTINUED:
OKONA
Of course,
(beat)
But it's how I say it that's most
important. The feeling, the
warmth, the attraction I have for
you,
(soft beat)
the attraction that we share.
B.G. stares at him for a few beats, then throws back
her head and laughs at his absolute but charming
brashness.
B.G. ROBINSON
I haven't heard that approach in
years... it is refreshing...
Okona laughs with her. He knows he's got her now.
16 ANGLES ON RIKER, DATA, WORF AND GEORDI
As they watch Okona whispering to B.G., Riker is
appreciating the showmanship and charisma of Okona.
Geordi, glancing over at the transporter station from
time to time and recognizing the situation. Data
merely observes all without any reactions. Riker
comments:
RIKER
Mister Okona seems to have excellent
vision and a healthy libido.
WORF
Which could add to the security
problem. I'll supervise him
closely.
GEORDI
(aware)
I'm sure you will, Worf.
Riker turns away to cover his smile, tells Okona:
RIKER
If you'll follow Lieutenant La
Forge, we'll get right to work.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT ONE 13.
17 SCENE
Okona reluctantly breaks away from the beautiful B.G.
with a laugh and a squeeze of her hand. As he passes
Data's inquiring eyes, he comments playfully.
OKONA
Now isn't that a beautifully
formed picture of sex appeal?
Data glances from B.G. to Okona with a somewhat puzzled
expression.
DATA
I do not know what you mean.
(beat; then explains)
I am an android.
18 CLOSER ANGLE - WALK AND TALK
For the first time Okona is quiet, but then he quickly
recovers with a smile and his usual glibness.
OKONA
Well then... Have you seen any
great looking computers lately?
Riker, Wesley, Worf, and Geordi break up. Data stares
from one to the other with a blank look on his face.
Okona eyes Data.
OKONA
(continuing)
That's a joke.
(beat)
It's funny.
DATA
(still oblivious, but
covering)
Yes, of course it is.
They continue to walk down the corridor, the look on
Data's face showing his insecurity.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT ONE 14.
19 INT. MAIN ENGINEERING - JEFFERIES TUBE
Geordi and Okona handle the damaged mechanism while
Wesley works on something in the lower platform of the
tube. Wesley can see and hear the conversation. Okona
is quite knowledgeable in this field although limited
to his particular spacecraft. Geordi is more
interested in how he can improve the navigation tool.
GEORDI
It's the Zelebium contacts that
wore down and then fused. Why
not replace them with Tricellite?
OKONA
Tricellite isn't available in this
system. It wouldn't be available
to me if I have to replace it.
GEORDI
I don't think your spacecraft will
outlast the part.
Okona glances at Geordi with the usual twinkle in his
eye and the trace of a smile on his face that is always
ready to broaden.
OKONA
(smiles)
You mean the age of it or the way
I fly it?
GEORDI
The stress test shows that you
tend to push it beyond its
designed capabilities.
OKONA
Lieutenant La Forge, I've never
been told that I'm somewhat
reckless in a kinder, or more
gentlemanly manner; but since the
pattern of my life has relegated
me to interplanetary speed
deliveries rather than universal
exploration, I'm forced to add a
flamboyancy and a zest to the
doldrums of my existence.
Geordi laughs.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT ONE 15.
20 ANGLE DOWN THE TUBE - TO INCLUDE ALL
Wesley looks up at Okona with some admiration.
WESLEY
Captain Okona, I don't know
whether I'd rather take a flight
with you or listen to you talk.
Okona roars.
OKONA
Thank you Ensign Crusher, Crusher.
WESLEY
(getting into it)
It's Wesley, Wesley.
OKONA
I'll make it easy on both of us.
I'll just call you Tiger.
21 NEW ANGLE
Data has entered Engineering in time to hear the end
of the conversation.
DATA
Captain Picard is not fond of
nicknames.
OKONA
Your gallant Captain Picard. I'd
like to meet him... I'll stroll
on the bridge and say hello.
DATA
You are not permitted on the
bridge. You are restricted to
your quarters or the Ten-Forward
lounge unless escorted by a
crewmember.
OKONA
(shrugs)
I've broken some small rules
before.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT ONE 16.
21 CONTINUED:
GEORDI
You do and besides the bells and
lights that will go off, our
benevolent and kindly Lieutenant
Worf will offer you a new kind
of greeting.
OKONA
Well then, would you escort me
to C deck?
Geordi studies Okona for a beat, then nods his
approval.
GEORDI
I'm busy rebuilding your ship.
Wesley ducks down the Jefferies Tube. Okona glances
over to Data, smiles his best.
OKONA
Then Mister Data sir, I would feel
privileged if you allow me to be
in your company while you escort
me to my destination...
Geordi laughs... Data nods. Okona nods, looks a little
speculative.
22 INT. CORRIDOR
Okona and the stolid Data walk down the hallway with
Data slightly in the lead. Okona keeps peeking at Data
but takes a beat or two before he speaks. Then he
finally does.
OKONA
You ever been cold?
DATA
No.
OKONA
How about warm?
DATA
The temperature on this vessel
is regulated to within a fraction
of a degree of the perfect comfort
range. I am also able to react
to any changes just as a humanoid.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT ONE 17.
22 CONTINUED:
They continue their silent walk.
OKONA
How about drunk? Ever do that?
DATA
That is not possible. One moment.
Data stops dead in his tracks and runs through his
program. Only his eyes show a sort of blinking symbol
as he checks out his circuits for the answer.
DATA
(continuing)
I was correct. I am not designed
to react to any synthenol intake
but apparently it is possible for
me to become intoxicated.
OKONA
I don't understand that at all.
DATA
It seems that I have been adapting
some human peculiarities over the
last three tours of duty.
OKONA
What about love?
DATA
The act or the emotion?
OKONA
They're both the same to me.
DATA
I believe that deduction to be
inaccurate.
OKONA
Maybe.
A sudden sadness comes to his eyes, then is quickly
replaced as he takes Data by the arm and continues his
walk down the corridor in feigned seriousness.
OKONA
(continuing)
Life is like loading twice your
cargo weight on your spacecraft...
if it's canaries and you can keep
half of them flying all the time,
you're all right.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT ONE 18.
23 ON DATA
He stares at Okona with a blank look ignoring the
laughter that follows. Okona slowly subsides and
stares back at Data.
OKONA
Don't you get it?
DATA
Get what?
OKONA
The punch line... The gag... That
was a joke I told you.
DATA
I still do not understand.
OKONA
You don't know what a joke is?
DATA
Of course I do.
(as he computes)
A joke is an antic, a caper,
mischief, prank, trick, quip,
witticism.
OKONA
(overlapping)
That's the dictionary meaning.
I'm talking about humor, fun.
(beat)
Do you know what "funny" is?
Data gives him a bewildered look. Okona gives up,
points to one of the doors.
OKONA
Is that C-nine-two-nine?
DATA
The room to the left. Why?
Okona smiles, shrugs..
OKONA
You probably wouldn't understand
that either...
Okona presses the entry button on the specific door.
It slides open to disclose:
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT ONE 19.
24 CLOSER ANGLE
The attractive and very sensuous B.G. Robinson who has
obviously been expecting his arrival. She returns
Okona's smile and steps away from the door to allow
him in. The door slides shut behind him.
25 ON DATA
His totally confused expression.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT ONE
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT TWO 20.
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
26 EXT. SPACE - THE ENTERPRISE (OPTICAL)
against the background of serenity and stars.
27 INT. MAIN ENGINEERING
Riker looks over the shoulder of Wesley and Geordi,
and they check and test the contacts of the
malfunctioning Okona apparatus.
RIKER
What's the status of the repair?
GEORDI
On schedule. The difficulty is
Okona has to be able to repair
this part himself next time.
WESLEY
Commander, do you know much about
him?
RIKER
Just that he's an interesting man.
WESLEY
He's a lot more than that. He's
a capable engineer.
GEORDI
In a practical sense he's
excellent.
WESLEY
We've seen him handle his ship,
and he certainly knows how to
handle people.
RIKER
Everything you say is true.
WESLEY
Then why is he what he is?
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT TWO 21.
27 CONTINUED:
RIKER
Why is he operating a cargo route
alone rather than being a member
of a large organization like we
are?
WESLEY
Yes, that's it.
RIKER
I would say because he chooses
to do exactly what he does.
WESLEY
A cargo master?
RIKER
(mimics the tone)
An ensign in Engineering?
Wesley holds Riker's look, then smiles and nods his
understanding. Riker softens a bit.
RIKER
(continuing)
His choice. Someday you'll make
yours.
WESLEY
I already have.
Riker nods.
28 INT. TEN-FORWARD (OPTICAL)
The stars in space zoom past the observation windows
which span the front of the lounge. Some n.d.
crewmembers are at the small tables at the bar. Data
is in conversation with GUINAN who is quite patient
but about to become brutally honest with him. It is
obvious that the conversation has been going on for
some time.
GUINAN
Okona is right.
DATA
You agree that I am missing a very
important human factor.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT TWO 22.
28 CONTINUED:
GUINAN
All I said was I agree with Okona
that you never smile or laugh.
At least I've never seen you do
it.
(beat)
Do you? Ever?
DATA
I never knew I had to.
GUINAN
It's not a "had to." Even Captain
Picard can't order you to be
happy.
DATA
But I am not unhappy. I just do
not seem to break out in laughter
with everyone else when Okona says
certain things.
GUINAN
You mean when he tells a joke.
(understanding now)
That's it, isn't it? You don't
have any idea what a joke is.
DATA
(defensive)
Of course I do.
(his computer kicks in)
It is a witticism, a gag, a bon
mot, a fluctuation of words which
concludes with "trick" ending,
it is...
GUINAN
(overlapping)
Whoa, slow down. Now Data,
there's just you and me here and
nobody is going to know what we
talked about. My job here places
me under some obligations, like
a vow of secrecy. I can't repeat
anything I hear or see. Now the
obligation of the patron is to
tell the truth, otherwise I'm
being placed under a commitment
to keep a secret about "nothing."
That's not fair. It's called
wasted honor. You understand?
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT TWO 23.
28 CONTINUED: (2)
DATA
(stolid beat)
I understand better than you
think. You just told me a joke
and I am not laughing.
GUINAN
(disappointed)
I can see that.
DATA
Maybe it was not funny.
GUINAN
It was funny.
DATA
How can you be sure?
GUINAN
I've used it before. Everybody
else at least smiles. It's you,
Data.
DATA
I agree. Now what do I do about
it?
GUINAN
When most people have trouble,
they look to a more intelligent
and learned being for assistance.
(thoughtful beat)
In your case, I'd suggest you go
to a bigger computer.
That Data understands. He nods his acceptance, moves
off.
29 INT. CORRIDOR - OUTSIDE HOLODECK
Data is accessing the Holodeck panel. The panel lights
array themselves and the VOICE of the Holodeck COMPUTER
assists Data in locating his choices.
DATA
I wish to learn about jokes...
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT TWO 24.
29 CONTINUED:
COMPUTER VOICE
There are books, films, and tapes.
But the only animate object would
be a comedian.
DATA
Show me one of those.
COMPUTER VOICE
Specify type, please.
DATA
Humanoid. One who is able to
understand and tell a joke.
COMPUTER VOICE
Physical or cerebral style.
DATA
Show me both.
COMPUTER VOICE
I will access a list.
A LIST FLASHES ON THE SCREEN that only Data would be
able to read. He answers unknowingly and randomly.
DATA
That one. RW nine, three, two,
one, six -- twentieth century.
COMPUTER VOICE
Program installation complete,
you may enter.
Data steps in front of the door. It slides open.
30 ANGLE THROUGH DOORS
The frozen IMAGE of a COMEDIAN popular today stands
on a small stage in the center of a spotlight. Data
enters.
31 INT. HOLODECK
The image comes to life. The Comic takes a bow and
announces.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT TWO 25.
31 CONTINUED:
THE COMIC
Thank you ladies and gentlemen.
And thank you for bringing me
here.
DATA
I want to know what is funny.
The Comic steps off the stage and takes a seat next
to Data. He stares at the blank open expression on
Data's face and realizes that he's in for it.
THE COMIC
Things that make you laugh are
funny?
DATA
Nothing makes me laugh, but I
still want to do it.
THE COMIC
How much time do we have?
DATA
Time has no meaning in this
instance. It could be endless.
THE COMIC
I think we're going to need it
all.
DATA
I assure you, I am completely
trainable and capable of
indoctrination. Show me what is
funny.
THE COMIC
Okay, try this.
The Comic distorts his face and posture, does a piece
of "business," a comical imitation, using his clothes,
motion, perhaps a prop. He glances over to Data, who
stands motionless and passive.
THE COMIC
Well?
DATA
That is considered funny?
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT TWO 26.
31 CONTINUED: (2)
THE COMIC
It was till a few seconds ago.
DATA
You mean if you twist your face,
bend over at the waist, mess up
your hair, and cross your eyes
it is a pretense that would be
funny.
THE COMIC
(uncomfortable)
I have to admit it's a little
ridiculous, but that's part of
being funny. Clowns are
ridiculous, but they make people
laugh. Now try it.
Data makes a couple of vain efforts to twist himself
and imitate the imitator. His attempts are clumsy,
inept, and bring a troubled look to the Comic's face.
THE COMIC
(continuing)
Can you juggle, whistle, sing?
Data shakes his head.
THE COMIC
(continuing)
How about write or paint? I have
a house that needs painting. It's
hard work, but at least you don't
have to be funny. Just a strong
wrist, a good eye, and an
affection for watching water base
off-white dry slowly.
The Comic laughs at his own humor. Data's sterile look
causes the Comic to grimace.
DATA
I can do everything else that I
want to do. I just want to know
what is funny. I want to be able
to involve myself in other
people's laughter.
(quieter beat)
I want to "join in."
The Comic eyes Data, understanding and sympathizing
with his dilemma.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT TWO 27.
31 CONTINUED: (3)
THE COMIC
We'll try. You have to remember
your "body English" and gestures.
(beat)
Now you're going to learn some
jokes.
DATA
Proceed.
THE COMIC
We'll start with some standards...
This traveling salesman...
DATA
Access faster...
32 ON THE COMIC (OPTICAL)
As he goes through his routine of jokes, CAMERA SKIP
FRAMES to:
THE COMIC
... comes up to his farmhouse
and...
DATA
Faster. Move to maximum speed.
We SPEED UP FRAMES until the Comic is MOVING AT EIGHT
FRAMES PER and the DIALOGUE SOUNDS LIKE CHIPMUNK
GIBBERISH. HOLD on this for a few beats.
33 ON DATA
His eyes blinking in the information at the same
speed... Then:
34 INT. TEN-FORWARD
Data is facing Guinan. He speaks in his usual
monotone.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT TWO 28.
34 CONTINUED:
DATA
This gentleman went to see his
surgeon and was informed that he
needed an operation. The man
thought about that and then said,
"I would like a second opinion."
The doctor said, "Okay, you are
ugly too."
Data immediately asks Guinan for her recognition.
DATA
(continuing)
Was I funny?
GUINAN
That joke has been funny for over
four hundred years.
(sad beat)
We'll now have a minute's silence
for its passing.
DATA
I was not funny...
GUINAN
Forget it. Try another joke.
Data sets himself in a predetermined position and
starts.
DATA
Who was that woman I saw you with?
Guinan flinches in expectation but is saved as the
voice of Picard is heard over the loudspeakers.
PICARD'S COM VOICE
(filtered)
Lieutenant Commander Data, report
to the Main Bridge immediately.
I repeat, report to the Main
Bridge immediately.
Data moves quickly to the turbolift. As he moves, he
informs Guinan:
DATA
I will be back.
GUINAN
(hopeless)
Bring new jokes...
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT TWO 29.
35 INT. MAIN BRIDGE
There is a controlled urgency in the conduct of the
bridge as Data enters from the turbolift and moves
directly to his station in Ops. Wesley is already in
place at Conn and whispers over to Data immediately:
WESLEY
We have an "unidentified" in
Sector four.
Data immediately focuses his attention on his necessary
functions. All stations are covered. Riker and Troi
bracket Picard. PULASKI will also appear on the bridge
during this scene. Worf announces from his Tactical
Station:
WORF
Unidentified craft Sector four
to Sector four two six one.
Overtaking us, no response to our
hailing.
PICARD
Open hailing frequencies in all
languages and on all channels.
WORF
Hailing frequencies open. No
response.
DATA
Sensors report a minimum range
combat craft of the Squadron
Class, twenty-six crew.
WORF
(overlap)
Captain, they have locked phasers.
PICARD
(somewhat puzzled)
Phasers?
RIKER
(same look)
Regulations call for a Yellow
Alert.
PICARD
It's too small of a craft to be
of any threat to us. Do you
agree, Lieutenant Worf?
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT TWO 30.
35 CONTINUED:
WORF
We could blow it out of space
before it could scratch our hull.
PICARD
And I doubt that they are so
primitive that they wouldn't know
it. Ensign Crusher, reduce speed
to allow them to overtake.
RIKER
May I ask why, sir?
PICARD
They show a great deal of courage.
Perhaps I would like to show them
some respect, or perhaps I'm just
curious.
RIKER
I understand, Captain. Would a
"courteous" Yellow Alert apply
at this time?
PICARD
(covers a smile)
That won't be necessary, Number
One. But continue to hail them
and prepare for a gentlemanly
surrender if needed.
The reactions of the crew, especially the pained
expression of Worf.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT TWO
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT THREE 31.
ACT THREE
FADE IN:
36 EXT. SPACE - THE ENTERPRISE / THE ERSTWHILE (OPTICAL)
Okona's ship in tow. Another spacecraft even smaller
and more outdated than Okona's approaches. In scale it
looks like a P.T. Boat pulling next to the USS
Missouri.
37 INT. MAIN BRIDGE
The business on the bridge continues in a relaxed, but
expectant manner.
WORF
Still no response to our hail.
38 ON CREWMEMBERS
A few beats, then Data informs them:
DATA
The "stranger" vessel has slowed
and is holding its position.
WORF
Captain, we are being hailed.
PICARD
On screen.
39 ANGLE ON MAIN VIEWER - INTERCUT AS NEEDED (OPTICAL)
There are a few tense beats, then the face of DEBIN
slowly MATERIALIZES on the screen. He is a middle-aged
humanoid (perhaps one distinguishing factor to
designate him as different). We see a small passenger
area, rather than a large bridge.
DEBIN
I am Debin of the planet Atlec.
PICARD
I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of
the USS Enterprise... What is
the reason for this aggressive
approach?
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT THREE 32.
39 CONTINUED:
DEBIN
You are towing a spacecraft of
a known criminal.
PICARD
It was in need of emergency
repairs. It was our obligation
to assist.
DEBIN
You have a man by the name of
Okona aboard.
(harsher beat)
I want him.
There are some reactions through the main cabin.
PICARD
On what authority?
Debin reacts to this with a tumultuous roar. He
explodes his response.
DEBIN
He is guilty of crimes committed
on the planet Atlec. I expect
him to be turned over to my
authority immediately.
PICARD
What crimes?
DEBIN
That is neither important or
necessary. I want Okona now!
Before Picard can respond.
WESLEY
Captain, we have another Class
four armed spacecraft approaching,
from the opposite sector...
PICARD
Another ship from Atlec?
DATA
Similar in specifications and
capabilities, but a variation in
markings and hailing language.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT THREE 33.
39 CONTINUED: (2)
PICARD
(to Debin)
Hold your position, Mister Debin.
(to Data)
Cut off Main Screen.
The viewscreen goes blank.
PICARD
(continuing)
Identify approaching craft.
DATA
Sensors indicate it to be a
security vessel from the planet
Straleb.
WORF
We could swat both mosquitoes
easily.
Picard gives him a quieting, yet understanding look.
PICARD
Open hailing frequencies.
WORF
Hailing frequencies open.
Some beats, then:
WORF
(continuing)
They are returning our hail on
the proper channel.
PICARD
On screen.
40 MAIN VIEWER - INTERCUT AS NEEDED (OPTICAL)
The screen fills with the picture of another ship's
cockpit area, which is a much smaller variation of a
bridge. Humanoid personnel pilot the craft. (There
could be a characteristic that would also mark them as
an individual race and also slightly different than the
Atlec race.) KUSHELL, older and more forceful than his
younger better-looking companion BENZAN, steps into
focus..
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT THREE 34.
40 CONTINUED:
KUSHELL
I am Secretary Kushell from the
Legation of Unity of the planet
Straleb.
PICARD
I am Captain Picard.
KUSHELL
(overlapping)
We know who you are, Captain
Picard. We have been monitoring
your communications and we know
of the demands made by Debin of
the planet Atlec.
PICARD
Then you know that we intend no
hostile interaction with either
of you.
KUSHELL
You only have to concede to one
demand.
PICARD
The word "demand" has the tone
of finality.
KUSHELL
It is a word I have chosen.
(beat)
We demand you turn Okona over to
us immediately.
Picard covers his reactions.
PICARD
(to Wesley)
Mute the Main Viewer.
(to Worf)
Lieutenant Worf, Mister Okona to the
Main Bridge immediately.
WORF
Yes sir.
PICARD
Engage the screen.
(to Kushell)
The same "demand" has been made
by the Atlec legation.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT THREE 35.
40 CONTINUED: (2)
KUSHELL
I have no interest in their
request. We intend to back up our
legal right to Okona.
PICARD
(knowing)
I'd rather you didn't escalate
this situation any further.
Benzan tries to guide the older man away from the
viewscreen. Kushell pulls away from his grasp.
KUSHELL
You're my son. You obey orders,
you do not interfere with them.
(to Picard, enraged)
We are prepared to take Okona by
force if we have to. The honor
and prestige of this nation are
at stake.
(beat)
We are ready to die for that.
PICARD
We do not intend for that to be
at our hand. I will respond to
your request shortly --
(then:)
Main Viewer off.
41 INT. CORRIDOR
Worf and TWO SECURITY OFFICERS move through the
corridor.
42 ANGLE ON DOOR
It slides open to disclose a smiling Okona who is just
buttoning up his shirt and preparing to exit. A
well-endowed FEMALE CREWMEMBER (not B.G. Robinson) bids
him an affectionate farewell. The kiss becomes
extended and passion builds again, until interrupted by
Worf.
WORF
(to Okona)
I have orders to escort you to
the Main Bridge immediately.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT THREE 36.
42 CONTINUED:
OKONA
I'm sure it can wait a few
minutes.
WORF
Now!!
43 CLOSER ANGLE
Worf steps face to face with Okona and sets himself.
Okona tightens and seems to coil just a bit in
preparation. The two of them face in a stand-off
understanding each other. Worf accepts the challenge
and declines it at the same time.
WORF
I'd like that, but I have orders.
OKONA
(nods)
Some other time then.
The tension is ended. Worf motions to the security
officers. They step on either side of Okona and leave
him no choice but to step away from his embrace. He
offers her a joking farewell as he is led away.
OKONA
(continuing)
Just remember, it took three armed
men to rip me from your arms.
44 INT. CORRIDOR - MOVING SHOT
Okona keeps pace with Worf as they enter the turbolift.
OKONA
Am I going to meet Captain Picard?
Worf eyes him a beat, then a grunting laugh.
WORF
Definitely.
OKONA
Did I say something funny?
The doors slide shut.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT THREE 37.
45 INT. MAIN BRIDGE
The turbolift door opens and Okona is escorted towards
the captain. Worf introduces.
WORF
Captain Picard, this is Thadiun
Okona.
Okona steps forward, extends his hand, and prepares
himself for his normal overpowering greeting.
46 ON PICARD
He swings around in his chair and holds Okona away with
his hard-probing look. The rest of the room waits.
Picard controls, points to the captain's Ready Room.
PICARD
In there... We'll talk in there...
Picard gets up and leads the way. The doors slide open
and they enter. The crew eyes each other.
47 INT. CAPTAIN'S READY ROOM
Picard turns directly to Okona. His anger is apparent.
PICARD
Mister Okona, you were welcomed on
board and given the security of
this ship openly and without any
undue investigation. In turn the
only obligation we placed you
under was that you do not come
aboard the Enterprise under false
pretenses. It seems that you did.
OKONA
If you mean my "socializing" with
the members of the crew?
PICARD
No, you are free to interact with
the members of the crew. First,
I'm talking about a man named
Debin. Are you familiar with him?
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT THREE 38.
48 SCENE
Okona becomes somewhat wary, but still faces Picard
with no fear or nervousness showing.
OKONA
He's from Atlec. I've had
dealings with some of his family.
PICARD
Then perhaps you can explain why
his spacecraft is prepared to
attack us unless we give him
custody of you.
OKONA
I can't explain.
PICARD
Then tell me why Kushell of the
planet Straleb is demanding the
same thing?
OKONA
Is he here also?
PICARD
And quite adamant. Now answer
please. What crimes have you
committed?
OKONA
I am not a criminal.
PICARD
Why do these men want you?
OKONA
I can't say.
PICARD
You will say. You're on my ship.
OKONA
(serious now)
It wouldn't be the honorable thing
to do. I may be many less than
auspicious things, but I am a
gentleman. I won't break that
code.
PICARD
They are prepared to attack the
Enterprise.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT THREE 39.
48 CONTINUED:
OKONA
(reacts)
That would be crazy. They
wouldn't stand a chance...
PICARD
Exactly.
(studies Okona)
Then perhaps you could give me
some reasons as to why I should
consider destroying these people
to save you?
49 CLOSER
For the first time Okona is at a loss for words.
OKONA
I can't think of any right now.
PICARD
Neither can I.
Picard turns and exits the Ready Room...
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT THREE
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FOUR 40.
ACT FOUR
FADE IN:
50 EXT. SPACE - THE ENTERPRISE (OPTICAL)
facing the two tiny and less formidable looking ships.
The Erstwhile still in tow and even smaller.
51 INT. MAIN BRIDGE
Picard regards Okona, still is in a no-nonsense mood.
Picard turns back to the Main Viewer
PICARD
Put Debin on screen.
52 MAIN VIEWER (OPTICAL)
The Main Bridge of the Debin craft appears on screen.
Debin standing there gets right down to business.
DEBIN
Have you made your decision yet,
Captain?
PICARD
No. You've made your requests
but you haven't told me why.
DEBIN
It's a personal matter.
PICARD
I'm afraid that's not good enough.
Debin visibly explodes. His rage balloons.
DEBIN
Not good enough?? You're forcing
me to embarrass my family by
demanding reasons.
Debin steps off screen for a beat, then returns with
a young tearful woman named YANAR. She is very
beautiful and also very pregnant.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FOUR 41.
53 INT. MAIN BRIDGE
All heads turn from the Main Viewer to Okona who
attempts to look innocent and therefore looks even more
guilty.
DEBIN
It was Okona... He's been bringing
Yanar gifts, flowers, and even
poetry for the past five months.
He took advantage. Then he left
her like this. I want him.
Picard feels uncomfortable, but now understands Debin's
emotions.
PICARD
I do sympathize with you. If you
will allow me just a little more
time.
DEBIN
(not to be put off)
Why, so you can turn him over to
Kushell? You do that and I'll
blow his ship away and Okona with
it.
54 ON MAIN VIEWER (OPTICAL)
Kushell suddenly appears on a SPLIT SCREEN and yells
back at Debin.
KUSHELL
You'll be dust before you aim your
first missile. I have a perfect
right to Okona. He's a thief.
He stole the Jewel of Thesia.
A national heritage.
DEBIN
(yelling back)
A "thing." An "item." My case
involves the victimization of a
human form. My daughter.
Okona steps nearer to Picard and can now obviously be
seen by the "split screen" characters. They visibly
react.
DEBIN
(continuing)
That's him!! I'll have him now.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FOUR 42.
54 CONTINUED:
KUSHELL
He's mine.
OKONA
One at a time. Who accuses me
of stealing?
KUSHELL
I do, you thief. Me and my son,
Benzan. Okona was my son's
friend. He took advantage of that
friendship to plunder a national
treasure.
Benzan is standing next to his father silently. We
hear some ad lib yelling in the b.g. as Debin responds
to Kushell. Picard signals to mute the sound on the
screen. (Kushell and Debin will continue their silent
argument.) Picard turns to Okona.
PICARD
What do you have to say about that
Okona?
OKONA
Nothing right now. Let them do
all the talking.
Picard pauses for a moment. Then interrupts the
arguing between Debin and Kushell.
PICARD
Gentlemen if you please!
Debin and Kushell quiet down.
PICARD
(continuing)
You will get my decision as soon
as I can confer with my advisors
and in the interest of maintaining
peace I am jamming communications
between your two ships. Picard
out.
Before either of the two fathers can answer the screen
goes blank. Picard swings from his control chair.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FOUR 43.
54 CONTINUED: (2)
PICARD
Okona, Doctor, Counselor,
Lieutenant Worf, Geordi, the
conference room if you please.
Have Doctor Pulaski join us...
The Observation Lounge door slides open and the group
files in.
55 INT. OBSERVATION LOUNGE
They take seats around the table. Okona takes the
opportunity to move to the food slot and concoct a
healthy snack.
PULASKI
Dishonesty, lust, and now hunger.
You really are extremely basic
Mister Okona.
OKONA
Last meals always taste the best
and hunger won't make me a better
person.
PULASKI
That's probably true.
TROI
Neither one of the allegations
is considered a capital crime.
OKONA
I'll never reach either of those
planets alive. They have lost
too much face over these
incidents.
PICARD
And yet it provides the
possibility of even more violence.
OKONA
You're not afraid of those two
or what they can do to you.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FOUR 44.
55 CONTINUED:
PICARD
It's what I may have to do to them
that concerns me. If I turn you
over to Debin, I will have to deal
with Kushell. If you go to
Kushell, I will have Debin to
administer to. Or perhaps both
of them would decide to attack
us. Fatalities could be total.
OKONA
I hate to have to be the one to
say this, but you don't owe me
anything.
PICARD
I'm well aware of that, but it
doesn't change anything.
(beat)
Are you innocent, Thadiun Okona?
Okona can't resist the glib one liner and the smile.
OKONA
Innocent? Absolutely not, Captain
Picard. I'll make no excuses for
my lifestyle.
(beat)
But I have not committed the
crimes that I've been accused of
or any others similar.
Okona turns to give Troi a questioning look. Troi nods
to Picard that he's telling the truth.
PICARD
Then my predicament is confirmed.
OKONA
In that case, Captain, I can't
make it any easier on you.
PICARD
(reacts)
Apparently you've never been
concerned about making it easier
on anyone... There are two men
out there who do not consider this
a joke and are willing to face
death as a matter of honor. They
should be respected, not laughed
at.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FOUR 45.
55 CONTINUED: (2)
OKONA
You seemed to have reached a
decision about me, Captain.
PICARD
Only about what I think you are.
What to do about it is still a
problem.
OKONA
I'll help you with it.
(beat)
Stall Debin and Kushell. Give
me enough time to get the guidance
system re-installed and I'll go
on my own.
RIKER
Their ships are bigger and faster
than yours.
OKONA
You'll still be able to warp away
and I'll take care of myself.
PULASKI
How will you get away?
OKONA
(smile)
I'll dazzle them with my
brilliance and dexterity.
PICARD
(beat)
I don't like it.
OKONA
You have very little choice.
PICARD
(a few beats)
I know. It will be impossible
to stall very long.
OKONA
"Just long enough" is all I
need...
PULASKI
What are you going to say to Debin
and Kushell?
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FOUR 46.
55 CONTINUED: (3)
PICARD
(shrugging)
Anything I have to.
OKONA
Now you're starting to sound like
me, Captain.
PICARD
Heaven forbid.
Okona holds Picard's look for a beat, nods, turns and
enters the turbolift... Picard moves to the door to
the Main bridge. The doors slide open. Picard, Riker
et al walk through.
56 INT. MAIN BRIDGE
Picard moves to the command chair; Riker next to him.
Picard takes a breath.
PICARD
Engage Main Viewer.
Screen -- the spilt screen of Debin and Kushell.
PICARD
(continuing)
Ah, gentlemen... If you'll just
bear with me, I have a few
questions.
57 INT. MAIN ENGINEERING
Geordi and Wesley are still working on the Okona
mechanism. Okona looks over their shoulders, admires
it. Okona seems distracted, his mind somewhere else,
his conversation not up to its usual pace and humor.
OKONA
Looks like an excellent job.
You're quite a craftsman
Lieutenant La Forge. How soon
will it be finished?
GEORDI
What's the rush? I thought you
liked it here.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FOUR 47.
57 CONTINUED:
OKONA
I did. It stopped liking me.
Time for me to disappear.
WESLEY
Where will you go?
OKONA
A new place, if I make it.
WESLEY
Don't you ever stay anywhere?
Okona snaps out of his mood a little, eyes Wesley.
OKONA
Not for a long time.
WESLEY
I know that's the way you want
to be and it is your choice, but
I don't understand. You like
people. Why do you want to be
alone all the time?
58 ON OKONA
He keeps his gaze on Wesley as his mind works. Geordi
interrupts, holds out the new part.
GEORDI
It's ready. You should be able
to install this in less than five
minutes.
Okona turns his look to Geordi, nods, but makes no move
to take the part from him.
OKONA
Like you said Geordi, what's the
rush?
(moving)
I have some friends around here.
Okona moves off. Geordi and Wesley exchange looks.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT FOUR
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FIVE 48.
ACT FIVE
FADE IN:
59 EXT. SPACE - ENTERPRISE (OPTICAL)
The smaller cargo ship Erstwhile is still in tow. The
position of the Debin and Kushell vessels, the same...
60 INT. MAIN BRIDGE (OPTICAL)
All stations are manned. Okona enters from the
turbolift and waits there as Picard motions to him.
Picard turns back to the screen.
PICARD
One moment please, gentlemen.
Screen off.
Picard turns to Okona.
PICARD
I've used every pretext I could
think of. The result is they've
aimed their full ordinance at us
and are prepared to attack. I
can't delay any longer.
OKONA
I'm not leaving.
PICARD
(reacts)
We've gone over this before. I
thought you made a decision.
OKONA
Don't worry, I'm not staying
either.
(long beat)
I've decided to surrender myself
to one of them.
Reactions around the bridge...
RIKER
Which one?
OKONA
(laughs)
Put them on screen and place your
bets. The odds are two to one...
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FIVE 49.
60 CONTINUED:
Riker glances over to Picard.
PICARD
On screen.
61 MAIN VIEWER - SPLIT SCREEN (INTERCUT AS NEEDED)
The images of Debin and Yanar on one half, Kushell and
Benzan on the other.
KUSHELL
It took long enough. Now when
can I have Okona?
DEBIN
I registered my complaint before
you. I have first recourse.
KUSHELL
Do not delay your decision again.
I'm warning you not to do that,
Captain Picard.
PICARD
Yes, both of you are most adept
at issuing warnings.
(beat)
Mister Okona has volunteered to
deal with this himself.
Okona steps forward to face the screen and also be seen
by all parties. Kushell and Debin are animated, Benzan
and the pregnant girl more subdued, waiting.
OKONA
I'll speak my piece before I walk
to your gallows. As I said before
I am not a thief. I am also not
a character of exceptional good
name and reputation; so, as I
never chose to become a thief,
I have never chosen to become a
father either.
(long beat)
Given the choice between the two
I must say that marriage to the
beautiful and affectionate Yanar
is a much more pleasant sentence.
(MORE)
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FIVE 50.
61 CONTINUED:
OKONA (Cont'd)
(pause)
So my dear Yanar, if you would
do me the honor of becoming my
wife I will do everything in my
power to make our marriage happy
and fruitful.
There is a shocked silence on both the Main Bridge and
the split screen. Varying emotions start to build.
BENZAN
No! He can't!
HUSHELL
My son is right. Okona will not
escape me that way.
BENZAN
No, that's not what I mean.
DEBIN
Send him to me. I'll decide his
fate.
Yanar steps to the forefront.
YANAR
Why should you decide? Why don't
I? Since everybody knows Okona
is the father of this child, why
should we not allow him to take
his rightful place?
(firmly)
I accept.
BENZAN
You can't accept!
KUSHELL
That's right. Okona is still a
thief.
BENZAN
No he's not. Nothing was stolen.
KUSHELL
The Jewel of Thesia!
BENZAN
It was not stolen by my friend
Okona.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FIVE 51.
61 CONTINUED: (2)
KUSHELL
Then where is it?
BENZAN
You could say it was taken into
"custody" by the rightful heir,
me.
Picard looks over at Okona who eyes Benzan with a look
of pride.
62 VARIOUS CUTS AND ANGLES (OPTICAL)
as Debin and Kushell gain knowledge of the incidents
involved in both the theft and pregnancy. Kushell is
stunned, Debin glad to have it all settled. Benzan
is making his statement of fact; Yanar, not pleased
at the way it is all coming down. Okona, trying to
make them tell the facts; and, Picard, watching the
scene unravel to Okona's hopeful design and finding
himself becoming involved in the event and starting
to appreciate him a little.
PICARD
(to Okona)
Benzan has a certain flair for
the language that is similar to
yours.
OKONA
A little bit of me might have
rubbed off on the boy. I didn't
think he would let me hang.
PICARD
You placed great faith in him.
OKONA
He's a friend...
Debin feels the whole thing is settled. He announces.
KUSHELL
(to Benzan)
Why would you steal what would
eventually become yours?
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FIVE 52.
62 CONTINUED:
BENZAN
To present it to Yanar as my vow
of marriage.
(beat)
Yanar is carrying my child.
KUSHELL
(stunned)
Yanar said it was Okona's.
DEBIN
(to Yanar)
You were with both these men?
YANAR
No, but that's not what is
important now. What is important
is who I marry.
BENZAN
You'll marry me.
YANAR
Why should I?
BENZAN
Because I love you.
YANAR
You waited this long to say that?
You almost allowed Okona to be
punished, now suddenly you wish
to marry me?
BENZAN
I sent the Jewel of Thesia to you
with Okona to declare us man and
wife. The politics of our fathers
would have been settled later.
KUSHELL
So Okona does have the jewel.
BENZAN
I ordered him to deliver it!
YANAR
And waited a little too long to
do that also. I won't marry you,
Benzan.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FIVE 53.
62 CONTINUED: (2)
DEBIN
Then you'll marry Okona.
YANAR
(screams)
I won't marry anyone!
Okona steps forward to the Main Viewer and speaks
seriously and with great feeling...
OKONA
Don't Yanar. You're angry about
the embarrassment of all this and
maybe the timing and approach is
not the most romantic, but I know
you love Benzan and I don't want
to see you throw away that feeling
because we adults do not know how
to behave properly.
YANAR
If Benzan could speak with the
same integrity as you do, maybe
it would be different.
OKONA
I carried your messages back and
forth for almost six months. I
smuggled each of you into the
other's homeland. You feel for
him the same way he feels for you.
(frustrated beat)
So for heaven's sake girl, you
have to marry the boy because I've
finally run out of words.
RIKER
I don't believe that.
DATA
It is mathematically possible.
PICARD
Okona defies even the science of
mathematics.
Okona laughs. Data asks Riker.
DATA
Was that funny?
Riker doesn't answer.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FIVE 54.
62 CONTINUED: (3)
YANAR
(a few beats, then:)
I do love him.
PICARD
(caught up in it)
Then tell him.
Okona and the crew look over to Picard who is just as
surprised at himself.
YANAR
I'll marry Benzan. It is his
child.
(beat)
It's our child.
KUSHELL
(softer)
Then I'll have to withdraw my
charges of theft. By our law
Benzan must present the jewel to
his wife.
BENZAN
I'll be coming for you shortly
Yanar. We'll find a new planet
to live on.
KUSHELL
You'll live on Straleb.
DEBIN
No! You'll live here!
PICARD
Gentlemen, this is a matter to
be settled between yourselves.
I have only two words for both
of you.
(long beat)
Picard out.
Picard signals for the transmission to end and the
screen goes blank.
63 INT. MAIN BRIDGE
There is a momentary silence as the crew lets its
breath out.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FIVE 55.
63 CONTINUED:
PICARD
(to Riker)
Take over, Will. Mister Okona
and I are going to drink a toast
to the newlyweds.
Okona smiles, nods, moves off with Picard. As they
pass other members of the crew, various comments can
be heard.
TROI
Weddings bring out emotions in
me that I never could quite
understand. I get so sentimental.
PULASKI
Perhaps it's the way they drape
the flowers over the shotgun that
makes you cry.
WORF
We could have destroyed both
crafts without even using our
photon torpedoes. They were
totally vulnerable.
GEORDI
(patiently)
Maybe next time, Worf. Maybe next
time.
Data heads past them into the turbolift. The doors
close behind him.
64 INT. CORRIDOR - OUTSIDE HOLODECK
Data engages the panel of controls. Guinan is a
semi-reluctant conspirator.
DATA
I wish to reinstate the same
program.
GUINAN
(whisper)
Maybe with some new material.
The Holodeck control panel goes through its routine,
then signals it is ready. The doors open.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FIVE 56.
65 NEW ANGLE INTO HOLODECK ROOM
The Comic sitting FREEZE FRAME as Data had left him.
Data steps inside and the Comic comes to life. Data
immediately gets down to business.
DATA
We will continue.
THE COMIC
What, no warm up?
DATA
I told a joke.
THE COMIC
And?
DATA
No one laughed.
THE COMIC
No one? Nobody?
GUINAN
Me, I'm "no one" and "nobody."
It wasn't funny.
DATA
She said I "killed" the joke.
THE COMIC
(beat)
It's always hard to deal with a
solo person. You need a crowd.
Laughter is contagious.
GUINAN
A lot of things are contagious.
Most of them aren't funny either.
DATA
Perhaps he is right. An audience
could be the difference.
(to Holodeck)
Holodeck, give me an audience.
66 ON DATA
He glances over to Guinan for support. She tries to
give it to him with a weak nod.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FIVE 57.
67 NEW ANGLE
A SPOTLIGHT beam glares onto a small stage and the
Comic steps up for the intro.
68 REVERSE
There is a small, dark, smoke-filled New York style
nightclub with various n.d. audience sitting at
dime-sized tables.
69 ANGLE ON STAGE
The SPOTLIGHT glares on and the Comic steps onto the
stage for the intro. Guinan stands off to the side
at what could be considered the wings.
THE COMIC
And now folks from his record
breaking tour of Straleb and Atlec
I bring you the funny man of the
stars, that comet comedian, the
sensation of the solar system,
... DATA!
The Comic backs off the stage to stand next to Guinan
and a tuxedo garbed (jacket and tie only) Data enters
into the beam of light with an impassive look on his
face and a monotone delivery which is accentuated
occasionally by the off time waving of one or both of
his arms. He keeps adjusting the bow tie, Rodney
Dangerfield style.
DATA
Good evening ladies and "germs."
The audience sounds of laughter and applause.
70 AROUND THE HOLODECK NIGHTCLUB - INTERCUT AS NEEDED
The audience laughs at every move and word. Data
continues at first confident and then becoming
puzzled...
DATA
You know I come from a town so
small it had a fraction for a zip
code.
Laughter.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FIVE 58.
70 CONTINUED:
DATA
(continuing)
... It was so small in fact that
it didn't have a Godfather of
Crime... it had a Nephew..
Guinan gives the Comic a whimsical look.
GUINAN
You sure you made a living doing
this?
DATA
I was so ugly as a child they hung
a pork chop around my neck so the
dog would play with me. Then
there was the gene bank where they
crossed a lion and a parrot. They
weren't sure what they got but
when it spoke, they listened.
Data looks around. His voice is almost a whisper now.
DATA
(continuing)
Or the human cannonball that was
hired and fired in the same night.
71 ON DATA
He stares down at the audience, still unsure as to what
they are laughing at. He moves his right hand.
72 THE AUDIENCE
Bellows out its response.
73 DATA
Aware now. He lifts his other arm.
74 THE AUDIENCE
responds with an uproar.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FIVE 59.
75 DATA
moves one finger... The response... He realizes now,
glances over to Guinan who offers him a sympathetic
look. Then he announces, as he steps off stage:
DATA
Holodeck off.
The stage lights and nightclub disappear. Data and
Guinan are alone in the Holodeck room. They eye each
other.
DATA
(continuing)
It was a Holodeck audience. They
were programmed to laugh at
anything...
GUINAN
Never mind that. Let me tell you
one about the traveling salesman.
DATA
I have heard it...
(beat)
I have heard them all.
Data and Guinan walk out of the Holodeck...
76 INT. MAIN BRIDGE (OPTICAL)
The full staff is present as they go through the
procedures of disconnecting Okona's craft from the
tractor link. Okona is on the Main Viewer.
RIKER
Hold the speed, Captain Okona.
We'll disengage at my command.
(beat)
Disengage.
WESLEY
Separated.
OKONA
I'm under my own power. Thank
you, Enterprise. Thank you,
Captain Picard.
PICARD
I think it turned out to be "my
pleasure," Mister Okona.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FIVE 60.
76 CONTINUED:
OKONA
You've got a bizarre sense of
humor, Captain.
PICARD
Stretched to the limit with you,
but thankfully still present.
I think I might miss your
presence, but I would like it to
remain a fond memory.
OKONA
Well put Captain Picard, and
good-bye sir.
PICARD
Good-bye Captain Okona.
OKONA
What about you Data? You can say
good-bye, Data.
Data is caught unprepared; his computer mind blinks
in and he responds quickly.
DATA
"Good-bye Data."
First a titter of laughter, then building to a louder
sound. Data looks around the bridge in pleased
surprise. He looks towards Picard.
DATA
Was I funny?
Picard smiles at him, nods. Data looks up at the Main
Viewer.
77 MAIN VIEWER (OPTICAL)
Okona gives Data the thumbs up sign.
78 EXT. SPACE - ENTERPRISE (OPTICAL)
as it turns to the stars.
DATA (O.S.)
And there is the one about the
girl in the nudist colony that
nothing looked good on.
STAR TREK: "The Outrageous Okona" - 10/4/88 - ACT FIVE 61.
78 CONTINUED:
RIKER (O.S.)
Warp speed Captain?
PICARD (O.S.)
Please...
The Enterprise warps out.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT FIVE
THE END
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