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<!-- saved from url=(0053)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/620mac.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.</title>
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<meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 3.0">
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. </h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Doty Abrams<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a><br>
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With Scenes Taken From Episodes Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:mmatting@indiana.edu">Mindy
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Mattingly Phillips</a>, <a href="mailto:shadelet@easynet.co.uk">guineapig</a>, Ruth
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Curran, Josh Hodge, and <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Me</a>.</p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Phoebe is helping Joey rehearse for an audition.
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Phoebe is overacting her part.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> The reactor’s gonna blow in three seconds, we’re never gonna
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make it!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You’ve got to get out of here! Save yourself!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No! I won’t leave you!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Don’t worry about me, I’m a robot! I’m just a machine!!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No you’re not! Not to me!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (she stops reading from the script) Oh my God.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I am <b>extremely</b> talented!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, you’re great! Okay, let’s take it from…</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (interrupting) No, I mean I was really acting my ass off.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, I thought I was pretty good too.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh yeah, you’re solid. Yeah, you’re just no me.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Y’know what? I think that’s enough for now. Yeah. I don’t
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want to be over rehearsed.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (tremendously overacting) Fine! I’ll do it without you! (Joey gives
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her thumbs up) I don’t need you or anybody else! I’m gonna make it on my own!
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(Joey closes the door to his bedroom.) You’ll see!! You’ll <b>all</b> see!! </p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey is memorizing his lines. Chandler, Rachel,
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and Phoebe are there as well.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (To Joey) So uh, what’s this thing you’re auditioning for?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, it’s a new TV show. Yeah. I’m up for the part of Mac
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Macaveli or "Mac." Yeah, I’m a detective and I solve crimes with the help
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of my robot partner. He’s a, he’s a Computerized Humanoid Electronically
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Enhanced Secret Enforcer or-or "C.H.E.E.S.E."</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> So Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> That’s the title! Yeah! Y’know they really lucked out that the
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initials spell cheese.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> That is lucky.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Huh—Wait so Joey if you get this, you’re gonna be like the
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star of your own TV show! I mean you’ll be like the Big Cheese! (To Phoebe) Or the
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Big Mac—Hey! You <b>love</b> those!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, don’t get your hopes up, because probably not gonna happen.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Now-now, why would you say that Joseph?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I mean come on you guys! My own TV show? I just don’t know if
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I’m good enough.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I am.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey, what are you talking about? You’re a terrific actor.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> You really think so?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ugh, how can you even ask that question?!</p>
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<p>[And with that we go into the save the budget portion of the show, which features
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flashbacks from previous episodes. The first set of auditions feature high lights or low
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lights of Joey’s acting career. The first flashback is from <a href="http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/season2/211towlw.htm">The One With The Lesbian Wedding</a>.]</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there to watch Joey's first scene as Dr. Drake
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Remoray.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Whoa, she's pretty. (Mentioning the girl on TV)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, and oh she's really nice too. She taught me all about how to
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work the cameras, and smell-the-fart acting.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I'm sorry, what?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Excuse me?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> It's like, you got so many lines to learn so fast, that sometimes
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you need a minute to remember your next one. So while you're thinkin' of it, you take this
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big pause where you look all intense, you know, like this. (Does this intense look where
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it looks like he's smelling a fart.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, ok.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (there's a gunshot on TV) There's my scene, there's my scene. <i>[Joey on
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tv]</i> "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon. I'm
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afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from
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a..." (Does the smell-the-fart look.)</p>
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<p>[The next flashback is from <a href="http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/season1/106butt.htm">The One With The Butt</a>.
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The gang is watching Joey in Freud!]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (on stage in an Austrian accent) Vell, Eva, ve've done some excellent vork
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here, and I vould have to say, your pwoblem is qviiite clear. (He goes into a song and
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dance number.) </p>
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<blockquote>
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<p><em>All you want is a dingle,<br>
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What you envy's a schwang,<br>
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A thing through which you can tinkle,<br>
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Or play with, or simply let hang...</em></p>
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</blockquote>
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<p>[The next flashback is also from <a href="http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/season1/106butt.htm">The One With The Butt</a>
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and it's also on the soundtrack. He's Joey telling everyone about his big break in
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Monica and Rachel's apartment.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I play Al Pacino's butt. All right? He goes into the shower, and
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then- I'm his butt.<br>
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<br>
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<b>Monica:</b> (trying not to laugh) Oh my God.<br>
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<br>
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<b>Joey:</b> C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and
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that's big!<br>
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<br>
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<b>Chandler:</b> Oh no, it's terrific, it's- it's- y'know, you deserve this, after all
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your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into show business.<br>
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<br>
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<b>Joey:</b> Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me!<br>
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<br>
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<b>Ross:</b> You're right, you're right, it is.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> So you gonna invite us all to the big opening?</p>
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<p>[Cut back to Joey about to leave for his audition for Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right well, I’m outta here. Wish me luck.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (overacting with a song this time) (singing) <i>Gooood luck! Gooood
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luck! We all wish you good luuuuuuuuck!!!</i></p><i>
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</i>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, whatever. (Exits.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are playing chess and are both studying the
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board intently.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> It’s your turn.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, are we playing this?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering, dejectedly) Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey! How’d the audition go?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Terrible! I messed up <b>every</b> line! I shouldn’t even <b>be</b>
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an actor!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Wait a minute, are you doing that thing where you pretend it didn’t
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go well but it really did go well?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, did I fool ya?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Totally!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> So it did go well.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, it went <b>amazingly</b> well!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Great!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh that’s great!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah-yeah, it’s down to me and two other guys.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh my God!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Wow!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> And I know both of them, they’re really good. One of them is the guy
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from those allergy commercials who’s always getting chased by those big flowers…</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, I love that guy! (Laughs.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh-oh, what are you doing?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (stops laughing) What <b>am</b> I doing?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I’m just so nervous! Y’know? The callback isn’t until
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tomorrow at five. I feel like my head is going to explode!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, it is overdue.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Look, don’t worry. Okay? You’re gonna be fine.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> There’s just so much pressure. I mean no offense, but what you guys
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do is very different. I don’t know if you’d understand.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, none of us have to deal with pressure at our jobs.</p>
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<p>[Thus starts another series of flashbacks all dealing with the pressure the rest of the
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Friends have to deal with in their jobs. The first flashback is from <a href="http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/season1/115towsg.htm">The One With The Stoned Guy</a>.]</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler's office. He's on the phone, agitated.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (on phone) Yes, Fran. I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the
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WENUS and I'm not happy!</p>
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<p>[The next flashback is from <a href="http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/season2/214towpv.htm">The One With The Prom Video</a>.
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Monica is at a job interview at a new restaurant.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Alright, well I'm tearing the lettuce.</p>
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<p><b>Interviewer:</b> Uh-huh. Is it dirty?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh-oh, no no don't worry, I'm gonna wash it.</p>
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<p><b>Interviewer:</b> Don't, I like it dirty.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> That's your call.</p>
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<p><b>Interviewer:</b> So, uh, what are you going to do next?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, I thought that I would cut up the tomatos.</p>
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<p><b>Interviewer:</b> Are they, uh, firm?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> They'r alright.</p>
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<p><b>Interviewer:</b> You sure they haven't gone bad? You're sure they're not very,
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very bad?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No really, they're OK.</p>
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<p><b>Interviewer:</b> You gonna slice them up real nice?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Actually, I was gonna do them jullienne.</p>
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<p><b>Interviewer:</b> Aaaahhhhhhh.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I'm outa here. [Monica leaves]</p>
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<p>[The next flashback is from <a href="http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/season4/413towrc.htm">The One With Rachel's Crush</a>.]</p>
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<p>[Scene: <em>Bloomingdale’s</em>, Rachel’s new job.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (on the phone) Monica, I’m quitting! I just helped an 81 year
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old woman put on a thong and she didn’t even buy it! (Pause) I’m telling you
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I’m quitting! That’s it! I’m talking to my boss right now! (Pause) Yes I
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am! (Pause) Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Yes I am! Okay bye, call me when you
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get this message. (Hangs up.)</p>
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<p>[The next flashback is from The One With The Dozen Lasagnas, Phoebe is telling everyone
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but Rachel about the pass Paulo made on her.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, what happened?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, he came in for a massage and everything was fine until...
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(The flashback shows Paulo lying face down on the massage table and slowly moving his
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hands up Phoebe's legs and grabbing her butt.)</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Ohhhhhh!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh my God!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> And all of the sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore. (The
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flashback shows Paulo rolling over and showing Phoebe his equipment.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Was it...</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, Boy Scouts could've camped under it!</p>
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<p>[The next flashback is from <a href="http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/season5/509towrs.htm">The One With Ross's Sandwich</a>,
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Ross his confronting his boss about him eating Ross's sandwich.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> You ate my sandwich?</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Leedbetter:</b> It was a simple mistake. It could happen to anyone.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (getting upset) Oh-oh really? </p>
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<p><b>Dr. Leedbetter:</b> Now-now calm down. Come look in my office, some of it my still
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be in the trash.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (jumping to his feet in anger) What?</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Leedbetter:</b> Well, it was quite large. I-I-I-I-I had to throw most of it
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away.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> You-you-you-you (trying to remain in control) threw my sandwich away!</p>
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<p>[Cut to an outside shot of the museum.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (losing control, we hear him shout outside) MY SANDWICH?!!!</p>
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<p>[Cut to a shot of a park.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> <b>MY SANDWICH!!!!!!</b> (Ross's scream scares a flight of pigeons away.)</p>
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<p>[Cut back to Central Perk.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I want this part so much! Y’know? If I don’t get this part
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I’m never gonna eat <i>Macaroni and Cheese</i> again!—No, I didn’t say
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that! That’s a lie.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is there talking to the chick and duck.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh come on guys, it’s not like I moved to Europe! I just moved
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across the hall! And <b>we</b> would have you over all the time if it weren’t for
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(struggles to get this out) Monica’s allergies. (The duck quacks.) You’re right,
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I could never lie to you. She hates you. (The phone rings.) Should I get that? (Laughs,
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then answers the phone.) Hello? (Listens) Uh no, Joey’s not here right now. Can I
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take a message? (Listens) Yeah, okay so the audition has been moved from 5:00 to 2:30?
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(Listens) Okay great. (Listens.) Bye. (Hangs up the phone and goes to write the message on
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the <i>Magna-Doodle</i> on the door but Monica walks in and forces him to jump out of the
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way.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (startled) Ahh! Aren’t you dressed yet?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (looks down at his clothes) Am I naked again?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> We’re supposed to meet my parents in 15 minutes.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah okay, I was just talking to the guys. Just look at them I mean,
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is it okay if they come visit?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Wh?! What about my allergies?!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh right, your allergies. (Monica leaves and to the chick and duck)
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All her, she hates you. (Chandler leaves without finishing the message for Joey.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Chandler are playing foosball and Joey
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scores a goal.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yes!! Ha-ha!! All right! Hey! How cool would it be if you could watch like
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a real life-sized version of this? Huh? I mean how crazy would that be?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> As crazy as soccer?</p>
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<p>(The phone rings and Joey answers it.) </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (on phone) Hello? (Listens) What are you talking about? The
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audition’s not ‘til 5:00! (Chandler suddenly remembers and looks at the
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unfinished message then tries to sneak over and finish it as Joey listens.) Well, nobody
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told me! (Listens) Who’d you talk to? (Listens and turns around to see Chandler
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trying to finish the message.) Nevermind! (Hangs up.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You mean you didn’t get it from this?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> The allergy guy got the part! Thanks!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, maybe we can fix it y’know? Maybe we can send him some-some
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big-big flowers and scare him!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> How could you do this to me Chandler?! This part could’ve turned my
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whole career around!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I messed up. Okay? I’m sorry, I really messed up.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, you don’t even live here anymore! What are you doing answering
|
||
my phone? I have my machine!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Which I bought for ya. Taught ya how to use it. You thought it was a
|
||
copier. Look, if there was anything I could do, I would do it. Okay? But everybody’s
|
||
allowed one mistake, right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Joey just laughs as a third set of flashbacks featuring Chandler’s mistakes
|
||
starts. The first flashback is from <a href="http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/season2/214towpv.htm">The One With The Prom
|
||
Video</a>. It's Chandler telling Phoebe how much he hates the bracelet Joey bought
|
||
him. They're both at Central Perk.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You know he coulda gotten me a VCR, he coulda gotten me a set of
|
||
golf clubs, but no, he has to get me the woman repeller! The eyesore from the
|
||
Liberace house of crap!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It's not that bad.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, yeah, easy for you to say, you don't have to walk around
|
||
sporting some reject from the Mr. T collection. [Joey walks in behind Chandler]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Chandler, Chandler.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I pity the fool who puts on my jewelry, I do, I do. I pity the
|
||
fool that. . . [turns around and sees Joey] Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[The next flashback is from <a href="http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/season4/407line.htm">The One Where Chandler
|
||
Crosses The Line</a>. He's telling Joey that he kissed Cathy.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I mean when you were late last night, Kathy and I got to
|
||
talking, and one thing to another and…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> And what?! Did you sleep with her?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No! No! No! I just kissed her.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What?!! That’s even worse!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> How is that worse?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I don’t know! But it’s the same!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You’re right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the
|
||
line.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Over the line?! You-you’re-you’re so far past the line,
|
||
that you-you can’t even see the line! The line is a dot to you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut back to Joey and Rachel’s apartment.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, I’m not saying that you should magically forgive me! But
|
||
you’re not perfect! You’ve made some errors in judgment too!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Name one!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Chandler proceeds to point out Joey’s errors in this forth set of flashbacks. The
|
||
first flashback is from <a href="http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/season4/402cat.htm">The One With The Cat</a>.
|
||
Chandler has just returned home to see that their apartment has been cleaned out and finds
|
||
Joey trapped in the entertainment center.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (lets him out) What happened?!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (getting out) Awww, man! He promised he wouldn’t take the chairs!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What the hell happened?!! How were you locked in?!! And where
|
||
the hell is all of our stuff?!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, this guy came by to look at the unit and-and he said he
|
||
didn’t think big enough to fit a grown man!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So--You got in <b>voluntarily</b>?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I was tryin’ to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that
|
||
guy again, do you know what I’m gonna do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> BEND OVER?!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[The next flashback is from The One With The Candy Hearts. Joey and Chandler are
|
||
waiting at a restaurant as Lorraine and her friend arrive.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ok, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Lorraine:</strong> Hi, Joey. (Sees Chandler.) Well well, look what you brought.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> ...And what did you bring?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Lorraine:</strong> She's checking the coats. Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab
|
||
smell off my hands. Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Janice?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say, 'It can't be the same Janice.'
|
||
Janice enters.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Janice?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Janice: </strong>Oh.... my.... God.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[The next flashback is from <a href="http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/season2/201rng.htm">The One With Ross's New
|
||
Girlfriend</a>. Chandler is telling Ross and Joey that Joey's tailor took advantage
|
||
of him.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Joey's tailor...took advantage of me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No way! I've been going to the guy for 12 years.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh come on! He said he was going to do my inseam, and he ran his
|
||
hand up my leg, and then, there was definite...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Cupping.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> That's how they do pants! Ross, will you tell him? Isn't that how
|
||
they measure pants?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes, yes it is. In prison!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut back to the present.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I said name one!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe's, Monica and Rachel are consoling Chandler.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I can’t believe I did this! What an idiot!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, stop beating yourself up! People make mistakes! These things happen!
|
||
There aren’t any message you’ve forgotten to give me are there? (Chandler has a
|
||
disgusted look on his face.) Apparently you’re not very good at it! I…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Of course he will! But Chandler the most important thing is you forgive
|
||
yourself!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y’know what? I-I kinda have.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Already? That’s pretty bad what you did.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y’know what? He <b>will</b> forgive you. And I like to bring a pad
|
||
with me when I go answer the phone just in case… (Chandler gets that disgusted look
|
||
back.) Okay…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You didn’t see how mad he was, y’know?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m sure he will forgive you. Look, we have all been there!
|
||
Y’know, you fight, you make up, it’s just the way it works.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[We then go into another set of flashbacks of famous fights. The first is the second
|
||
breakup of Ross and Rachel from The One With The Jellyfish.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> It took <b>two</b> people to break up this relationship!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah! You and that girl from that copy place, which yesterday you took
|
||
full responsibility for!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I didn’t know what I was taking full responsibility for! Okay?! I
|
||
didn’t finish the whole letter!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I fell asleep!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (mocking him) You fell asleep?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> It was 5:30 in the morning, and you had rambled on for 18 pages. Front and
|
||
back!! (they go into the living room, trapping Monica, Chandler, and Joey in the kitchen)
|
||
(to Rachel) Oh-oh-oh, and by the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means ‘you are,’
|
||
Y-O-U-R means ‘your!’</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Y'know I can’t believe I even <b>thought</b> about getting back
|
||
together again! We are so over!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind
|
||
it)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> And hey! Just so you know, it’s <b>not</b> that common! It <b>doesn’t</b>
|
||
happen to every guy! And it <b>is</b> a big deal!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (coming out from behind the door) I KNEW IT!!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[The next flashback is from <a href="http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/season2/212toasb.htm">The One After The Superbowl,
|
||
Part II</a>. Monica and Rachel are fighting over who gets to see Jean-Claude Van
|
||
Damme.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You had no right to go out with him.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> That is the most ridiculous...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You sold me out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I did not sell you out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes you did. You absolutely sold me...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Would you let me talk. [flicks Monica on the forehead]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Did you just flick me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> OK, well, you wouldn't let me finish and I was jus- [Monica flicks her
|
||
back] Ow. That hurt [flicks Monica]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They keep flicking each other. This turns into slapping each other.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! All right. Now, let's not do this!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel tackles Monica onto the couch.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They wrestle on the couch for a little while until Monica gets the upper hand and
|
||
pulls Rachel off of the couch by her sock. Monica removes Rachel's sock and starts
|
||
beating her with it.)This leads to wrestling on the floor. This finally angers Phoebe.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> OK, now I'm gonna kick some ass.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe grabs each of them by an ear.)<br>
|
||
<br>
|
||
<strong>Monica and <b>Rachel:</b></strong> Ow! Ow! Ow!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I know! I know! I know! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Alright, now I will let go if you both stop.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Fine!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Fine!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> There we go.You know what, if we were in prison, you guys would be,
|
||
like, my bitches.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[The next flashback is from <a href="http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/season3/302nor.htm]">The One Where No One's Ready</a>.
|
||
Joey is retaliating against Chandler hiding his underwear by wearing a whole bunch of
|
||
clothes.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything
|
||
you own.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh my God! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I <b>be</b> wearing any more clothes?
|
||
Maybe if I wasn't going commando...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Chandler does this throat sound.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any,
|
||
I don't know, lunges. (starts doing lunges)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[The next flashback is from <a href="http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season6/season2/217emi.htm">The One Where Eddie Moves In</a>.
|
||
It's the sequence where Joey and Chandler are both saddened that they're not living
|
||
together anymore. <em>All By Myself</em> is playing in the background.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Joey's place. He goes to say something to Chandler in the other chair but no one's
|
||
there. He goes to call Chandler but decides not to and throws the phone back down.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Chandler's. He's playing foosball by himself.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Joey's. Playing ping pong by himself.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Chandler is sitting in front of a window while it's raining outside. We see Joey
|
||
through a rainy window. The camera zooms out to show it's just his tabletop water
|
||
sculpture.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Chandler is entering with a peace offering of a
|
||
Joey Special, <b>two</b> pizzas.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Joey? Got you a Joey Special, <b>two</b> pizzas! Joe? (The phone rings
|
||
and he answers it) (On phone) Hello? (Takes the phone away from his mouth when he realizes
|
||
what he just did and yells.) Damnit! (Back on phone.) Hello? (Listens.) No, Joey’s
|
||
not here right now, but I can take a message I think. (Listens) He’s still got a
|
||
chance for the part?! Oh, that’s great news! (Listens) Well no obviously not for the
|
||
actor who was mauled by his dog. (Listens) Oh well, that’s great. I will give Joey
|
||
the message. Thank you! (Hangs up and goes to write the message on the <i>Magna-Doodle</i>.)
|
||
Yes! (Reading what he’s writing) Okay, Mac audition at 2:00. Allergy actor attacked.
|
||
(Pause) By dog not flowers.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey is entering to find Chandler waiting
|
||
patiently for him.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Please tell me you got the message!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What message?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> The actor playing Mac couldn’t do it, they needed to see you at 2
|
||
o’clock.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What?! It’s 6 o’clock!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Du-du-I wrote it, I wrote it on the board! I wrote it on the board,
|
||
then I went all over New York City looking for ya! I went to Ross’s! I went to the
|
||
coffeehouse! I went to any place that they made sandwiches!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I can’t believe this Chandler!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Sorry! I-I-I don’t know what to say.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well you-you-you-you might say congratulations! I saw the board! I went to
|
||
the audition! I got the part!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (angrily) Is that supposed to be funny! I was really worried over
|
||
here!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, well I’m uh…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y’know, sometimes that fake out thing is just mean!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh wow! Okay man, I’m sorry. I did not mean to make you feel bad.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well that’s good. Because you didn’t! And I’m
|
||
incredibly happy for ya!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (shocked) That’s mean! You really had me going there!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, we could do this all day.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, you’re right. Okay look, listen, let’s talk about what a
|
||
huge star I’m gonna be!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> <b>You</b> are gonna be a huge star! I’m gonna hug ya!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You hug me!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[What follows is the final set of flashbacks that feature a whole lot of lovin’
|
||
between Chandler and Joey. There’s no words, just hugs and even the kiss from The One
|
||
With The Monkey. All of this is set to the song, <i>You’ve Really Got a Hold on Me</i>!]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut back to the present, they are still in each other’s embrace.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, do we do this too much?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I think so. Yeah, get off me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They separate.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment, Joey and Phoebe are reading a scene from Mac and
|
||
C.H.E.E.S.E.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Come on C.H.E.E.S.E., I’m not leaving without you! Try routing your
|
||
backup source through your primary CPU.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (overacting badly) I can’t! My circuits are fried! They’re
|
||
fried I tell you!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Wow! (Back to reading the scene.) Well then I’ll just have to carry
|
||
you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Suddenly Ross jumps up from behind the counter armed with a plastic gun. By the way,
|
||
he’s overacting too.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That’ll be a neat trick, when you’re, (looks at the script) when
|
||
you’re dead!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ross, you don’t have to yell.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> There was just an explosion, okay? My hearing would be impaired. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I thought you were excellent! In fact for a minute there I was like,
|
||
"Ooh, where’d Ross go?"</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Thank you! And I have to say that first scene when you meet Mac…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh my God. I mean…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Y’know what? I think that’s enough for today. Thanks for your
|
||
help! (He grabs their scripts and heads for his room.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (To Ross) He’s holding us back.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Totally.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |