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22 KiB
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<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season2/209towpd.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With Phoebe's Dad</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="white" text="black" link="green" vlink="black" alink="yellow" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With Phoebe's Dad</h1>
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<hr align="center">
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<font size="3"><i>
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</i></font><p><font size="3"><i></i>Written by: Jeffrey Astroff & Mike Sikowitz<br>
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Transcribed by: </font><a href="http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season2/josh.html">Josh Hodge</a><font size="3"><br>
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With Minor Adjustments by: Dan Silverstein</font></p>
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<hr>
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<font size="3">
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<p align="left">[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica, Rachel, Ross, and Phoebe
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are there. Phoebe is looking out the window.]<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his tree. Oh my God, you
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should see the size of his Christmas Balls.<br>
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<br>
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[Chandler and Joey enter.]<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: Hey.<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: Hey.<br>
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<br>
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RACHEL: Hey.<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: Hey, how much did you guys tip the super this year?<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: Yeah, we were gonna give fifty, but if you guys gave more, we don't wanna look
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bad.<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: Oh, actually this year we just made him homemade cookies.<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: And twenty-five it is.<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: You gave him cookies?<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: Money is so impersonal. Cookies says someone really cares. . . Alright, we're
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broke, but cookies do say that.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: I can see that. A plate of brownies once told me a limerick.<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: Phoebs, let me ask you something, were, were these, uh, funny brownies?<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Not especially. But you know what, I think they had pot in them.<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: So you guys, who else did you tip with cookies?<br>
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<br>
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RACHEL: Uhh, the mailman, the super.<br>
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<br>
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[There's a bang at the door.]<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: Oh, and the newspaper delivery guy.<br>
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<br>
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[Joey opens the door and picks up the remnants of the newspaper.<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: Oh my God.<br>
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<br>
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RACHEL: What?<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: Uhhh, I don't think you're gonna like this.<br>
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<br>
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[Joey shows them the torn-up newspaper.]<br>
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<br>
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RACHEL: Ooh, goooosh, ooh, these are cookies smashed in the sports section.<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: Oh look, and he did my crossword puzzle.<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: Yeah, but not very well, unless 14-across, 'Gershwin musical' actually is
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bitemebitemebitemebiteme.<br>
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<br>
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<font size="4">OPENING TITLES</font><br>
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<br>
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[Scene: <i>Central Perk</i>. Monica, Chandler, and Joey are seated at couches. Rachel is
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working behind the counter.]<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: I can't believe it's Christmas already. Ya know, I mean, one day your eatin' turkey,
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the next thing ya know, your lords are a-leapin' and you geese are a-layin'.<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: Which is why geese are so relaxed this time of year.<br>
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<br>
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[Ross enters with several bags from shopping.]<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: Hey guys.<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER, MONICA, and JOEY: Hey.<br>
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<br>
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[Ross approaches Rachel at counter.]<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: Hey Rach. I, uh, got you a little present. [Rachel is not impressed]. . I'll open
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it. It's a Slinky! Remember, huh. [sings] <i>Walks down stairs, alone or in pairs,
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everyone knows it's</i>. . . just a big spring. Alright, you still mad at me becuase of
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the whole. . .<br>
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<br>
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RACHEL: Horrible and degrading list of reasons not to be with me?<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: How 'bout from now on we just call it the 'unfortunate incident'? [Rachel walks off]
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Hey Gunther, you got stairs in your place?<br>
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<br>
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GUNTHER: Yeah.<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: Here, go nuts. [gives him the Slinky and goes and sits with others at the couches]<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: Hey guys.<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER, MONICA, and JOEY: Hey.<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: What's in the bag?<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: Um, just some presents.<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: C'mon show us what you bought. . . You know you want to.<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: [childishly] OK. OK, this is a picture frame from Ben to my parents, huh.<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: Cute.<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: I got some, uh, hers and hers towels for Susan and Carol. And, uh, I got this blouse
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for mom.<br>
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<br>
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[Ross holds up the blouse. It is extremely tacky, with sewn-on medals hanging off of it.]<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: Ross, that is gorgeous!<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: Yeah?<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: Look at these authentic fake medals. I tell ya, mom's gonna be voted best dressed
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at the make-believe military academy.<br>
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<br>
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[Phoebe enters.]<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Hey.<br>
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<br>
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GANG: Hey. Hi Phoebe.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Happy Christmas Eve Eve. [sees Ross's picture frame] Oh my God, where did you get
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this?<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: Uh, Macy's, third floor, home furnishings.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: This is my father, this is a picture of my dad.<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: Nah, Phoebs, that's the guy that comes in the frame.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: No it isn't, this is my dad, alright, I'll show you.<br>
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<br>
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RACHEL: Phoebe, I thought your dad was in prison.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: No, that's my stepdad. My real dad's the one that ran out on us before I was born.<br>
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<br>
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RACHEL: How have you never been on Oprah?<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: [showing her pictures] OK, look, see, this is him. My mother gave me this picture
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before she died, same guy.<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: Honey, uh, this is a picture of the frame guy posing in front of a bright blue
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screen with a collie.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: It's not a blue screen... it's just, maybe it was just really clear that day. OK,
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I have to talk to my grandmother. [turns to leave]<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: Oh, wait a minute honey.<br>
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<br>
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GANG: Phoebs. [Phoebe leaves]<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: Wow.<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: So anyway, I'm trying to get my boss's ex-wife to sleep with me. . .<br>
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<br>
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GANG: Joey!<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: Oh, but when Phoebe has a problem, everyone's all ears!<br>
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<br>
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[Scene: Phoebe's grandmother's place. Phoebe's grandmother is sitting at the table,
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reading the obituaries, and crossing out names in the phonebook.]<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: Esther Livingston. [scratches out name] Gone.<br>
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<br>
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[Phoebe enters.]<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: Hi, Phoe.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Hi Gram. Whatcha doin'?<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: Oh, just updating the phonebook.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Um, gram, um, can I see the pictures of my dad again?<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: [nervously] Oh. Oh, sure, sure, uh, uh, how come?<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Just, you know, to see... um.<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: Oh, sure, yeah. [gets a box with the pictures] This is the one of you father
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in a meadow, and, uh, helping a little boy fly a kite, and here he is at a graduation. . .
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another graduation. . . another graduation.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: OK, is this really my father?<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: Is it really your fa--I can't... well of course it is.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: OK, I smell smoke. Maybe that's 'cause someone's pants are on fire.<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: Look, I. . .<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Ya know, in all the years that we have been grandmother and granddaughter, you
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have never lied to me.<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: Alright, that is not your father, that's just a picture of a guy in a frame.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Oh God.<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: It was your mother's idea. Ya know, she didn't want you to know your real
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father because it hurt her so much when he left, and, I didn't want to go along with it,
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but, well then she died and, and it was harder to argue with her. Not impossible, but
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harder.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Alright, so, what, he's not a famous tree surgeon? And then, I guess, OK, he
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doesn't live in a hut in Burma where there's no phones?<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: Last I heard, he was a pharmacist somewhere upstate.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: OK, that makes no sense. Why would the villagers worship a pharmacist?<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: Honey.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: [realizes] Oh.<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: Anyway, that's all I know. That, and this. [pulls apart a frame and pulls a
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picture out] This is the real him.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Oh.<br>
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<br>
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[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel, Chandler, and Joey are decorating the
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Christmas tree.]<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: Ya know I remember my father, all dressed up in the red suit, the big black
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boots, and the patent leather belt, sneakin around downstairs. He didn't want anybody to
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see him but he'd be drunk so he'd stumble, crash into something and wake everybody up.<br>
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<br>
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RACHEL: Well, that doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: Who said anything about Christmas?<br>
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<br>
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[Monica and Ross enter.]<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: Hi.<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: Hey, anyone hear from Phoebe yet?<br>
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<br>
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RACHEL: No, nothin'.<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: I hope she's OK.<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: Yeah, I know exactly what she's goin' through.<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: How do you know exactly what she's going through?<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: She told us.<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: So whaddya got there Monica?<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: Just some stuff for the party.<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: Yeah, what're you guys doin' here, aren't you supposed to be Christmas shopping?<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: You guys haven't gotten your presents yet? Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, what're ya
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gonna do?<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: Don't you have to be Claymation to say stuff like that?<br>
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<br>
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RACHEL: Oh, by the way Mon, I don't think the mailman liked your cookies. Here are the
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ornaments your mom sent. [hands her a smashed box]<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: Well, maybe the mailman liked the cookies, we just didn't give him enough.<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: Monica, pigeons learn faster that you.<br>
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<br>
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[Ross approaches Rachel, away from everyone else.]</p>
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<p>ROSS: Hey, Rach, you know what? I think, I think I know what'll make you feel better.
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How 'bout you make a list about me.<br>
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<br>
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RACHEL: Wha... forget it Ross, no, I am not gonna stand here and make a list of. . .<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: C'mon Rachel.<br>
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<br>
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RACHEL: OK, you're whiney, you are, you're obsessive, you are insecure, you're, you're
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gutless, you know, you don't ever, you don't just sort of seize the day, you know. You
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like me for what, a year, you didn't do anything about it. And, uh, oh, you wear too much
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of that gel in your hair.<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: See there, you uhh, alright, ya, you did what I said.<br>
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<br>
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RACHEL: Yeah, and you know what? You're right, I do feel better, thank you Ross. [she
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walks off and Ross puts his hand to his hair]<br>
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<br>
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[Scene: Back at Phoebe's. She is on the phone]<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Yeah, um, in Albany, can I have the number of Frank Buffay. . . OK, um, in Ithica.
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. . alright, um, Saratoga. . . Oneonta. Alright, you know what, you shouldn't call youself
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information. [hangs up]<br>
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<br>
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[Phoebe's grandmother enters]<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: Hey.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Hello grandma, if that is in fact your real name.<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: C'mon now Phoe, don't still be mad at me. How's it going?<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Well, not so good. Upstate's pretty big, he's pretty small, you do the math.<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: Well, I think you're better off without him. Oh honey, I know he's your daddy
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but, but to me he's still the irresponsible creep who knocked up your mom and stole her
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Gremlin.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: No I just, just wanted to know who he was, ya know.<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: I know. OK, I wasn't completely honest with you when I told you that, uh, I
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didn't know exactly where he lived.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Whattaya mean?<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: He lives at 74 Laurel Drive in Middletown. If you hit the Dairy Queen, you've
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gone too far. You can take my cab.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Wow. Thank you.<br>
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<br>
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GRANDMOTHER: Now, remember, nobody else drives that cab.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Uh-huh, got it. Ooh, I'm gonna see my dad. Wish me luck, Grandpa! [blows a kiss to
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a picture of Einstein]<br>
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<br>
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</p>
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<h3 align="center">Commercial</h3>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler is standing on a street corner waiting for Phoebe in the cab. Joey
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walks up.]<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: Phoebe here with the cab yet?<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: Yeah, she, she brought the invisible cab. . . hop in.<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: Well she better get here soon, the outlet stores close at 7.<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: Hey, don't worry. I figure it'll be 2 hours to Phoebe's dad's house, they'll
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meet, they'll chat, they'll swap life stories, we'll still have plenty of time.<br>
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<br>
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[Phoebe drives up in the cab]<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: Hey, here she comes.<br>
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<br>
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Chandler: Hey.<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: Hey.<br>
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<br>
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[Phoebe runs over the curb. Joey gets in the back seat, Chandler in the front]<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Hey.<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: Hey.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Can you believe this. In, like, two hours I'm gonna have a dad. Eeeshk.<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: Eeeshk.<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: Yeah, big stuff.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: OK, let's go.<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: OK.<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Alright, here, you have to hold this. [hands Chandler a piece of paper]<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: OK. [reads paper] Brake left, gas right?<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Uh-huh, yeah, that's my cheat sheet.<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: [grabs for seat belt] Where's my seat belt?<br>
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<br>
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PHOEBE: Oh, no no, that side doesn't have one, the paramedics had to cut through it.
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[Chandler jumps out of the car]<br>
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<br>
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CHANDLER: [Chandler gets in the back seat] Hey!<br>
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<br>
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JOEY: Hey. [Phoebe takes off, Joey and Chandler are thrown back in the seat]<br>
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<br>
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[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Monica is preparing for the party with Ross
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questioning her.]<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: C'mon, just tell me, please, please.<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: For the sixteenth time, no... I do not think you're obsessive.<br>
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<br>
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[Rachel enters from her room]<br>
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<br>
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RACHEL: Oh, gosh, it's hot in here.<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: Rach, get the heat. [Rachel holds up her hand with wet fingernail polish] Ross,
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could you turn the heat down please?<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: Sure. By the way, there's a difference between being obsessive and. . .<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: Ross, the heat!<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: Fine, OK! Heat, heat, heat, and I'm the obsessive one. [goes to the radiator and
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starts turning the knob] OK, this way is on, so this is. . . [breaks off the knob] off.<br>
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<br>
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RACHEL: Did you just break the radiator?<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: No, no, I was turnin' the knob and, and. . . here it is.<br>
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<br>
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MONICA: Well put it back.<br>
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<br>
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ROSS: It uhh, it won't go back.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: I'll call the super.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MONICA: Here, let me try.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ROSS: Oh, oh that's right, I forgot about your ability to fuse metal.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MONICA: Hey, it's Funny's cousin, Not Funny.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: [on phone] Hi, Mr. Treeger. Hi, it's Rachel Green from upstairs. Yes, <i>somebody</i>,
|
|
uh, broke our knob on the radiator and it's really hot in here. Yes, it's, it's hot enough
|
|
to bake cookies. Well, do you think we could have a new one by 6? Wha t, no, no, Tuesday,
|
|
we can't wait until Tuesday, we're having a party tonight.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ROSS: OK, tip the man.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MONICA: No, if he doesn't like our cookies, too bad, I am not gonna be blackmailed. Look
|
|
if worse comes to worse, it gets a little warm, we'll call it a theme party.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ROSS: Hey, here's a theme: Come on in, live like bacon.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Scene: Outside Phoebe's dad's house. The cab pulls up.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHOEBE: Ooh, this is it, 74. [screeches to a halt, Joey and Chandler are thrown into the
|
|
plexiglass wall in the cab]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
CHANDLER: Oh, so that's what this is for.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHOEBE: Wow, this is it, I'm gonna meet my dad. This is like the biggest thing ever, huh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
CHANDLER: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOEY: Sure is.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHOEBE: OK, here I go. I'm goin' in.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
CHANDLER: Alright.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOEY: Good luck Phoebs.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHOEBE: OK, here I go. . . here I go. . . I'm goin'. [she just sits in the cab]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. They are having their party. All the guests are
|
|
stripped down because of the heat.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: [answers door] Hi, welcome to our tropical Christmas party. You can put your coats
|
|
and sweaters and pants and shirts in the bedroom.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ROSS: [sitting at table talking to a girl] It's hard to tell because I'm sweating, but I
|
|
use exactly what the gel bottle says, an amount about the size of a pea. How, how can that
|
|
be too much?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MONICA: [carrying an ice cube tray] Ice, ice, ice squares anyone? Take a napkin. Alright.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ROSS: Monica, Monica, your guest are turning into jerky, OK.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MONICA: Really? I'm perfectly comfortable. [one of the guest opens the refrigerator] Hey,
|
|
hey, hey, get in line buddy, I was next. [she opens the refrigerator and leans into it]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: [answering the door] Mr. Treeger.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MR. TREEGER: Uhh, you said there was a party.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: Oh, yeah, well hey, welcome to our sauna.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MR. TREEGER: Ahh, is it hot? My body always stays cool, probably 'cause I have so much
|
|
skin. Hey, cheese!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Ross is speaking to Monica and Rachel about tipping the super.]</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>ROSS: Alright, alright, here's the chance. Monica give him cash, Rachel give him your
|
|
earrings. Something, now, anything.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MONICA: No, I will not cave.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: Yeah, I'm with Mon.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ROSS: Alright, alright, you know how you say I never seize the day? Well, alright, even
|
|
though he's your super, I'm seizing. [approaches Mr. Treeger] Mr. Treeger, here is 50
|
|
bucks, merry Christmas.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Gives him the cash.]</p>
|
|
|
|
<p align="left">MR. TREEGER: Oh wow, I didn't get you anything. Here's five back.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ROSS: No no, no, that, that's your Christmas tip, alright. Oh, hey, do you think there's a
|
|
chance you could fix that radiator now?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MR. TREEGER: No can do, like I told the girl, I can't get a new knob until Thursday.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MONICA: Ross.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ROSS: Yeah.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MONICA: [to Ross] Looks like he's playin' baseball.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ROSS: You mean hardball?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MONICA: Whatever.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: What'cha gonna' do?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ROSS: Excuse me, I'm seizing. Mr. Treeger, here's another 50, happy Hanukkah. Will uh,
|
|
will this help with the knob getting?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MR. TREEGER: No, the place is not open 'till Tuesday. Am I not saying it right.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MONICA: So, wait, you really did like my cookies?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MR. TREEGER: Oh, yeah, they were so personal, really showed you cared.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: Nice seizing. . . gel boy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MR. TREEGER: [to Rachel who is standing under mistletoe] So, uh, is this, uh, mistletoe?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: Huh-huh, no act--no, uhh, that, that is basil.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MR. TREEGER: Ahh, if it was mistletoe, I was gonna kiss ya.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: Huh-hoo, yeah, no, it's still basil.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Scene: Outside Phoebe's dad's house. Phoebe is running back to the cab.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHOEBE: OK.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOEY: How far'd ya get?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHOEBE: Mailbox.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
CHANDLER: Alright, we're gettin' closer.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHOEBE: Uh-huh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOEY: Phoebs, what's goin' on?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHOEBE: No, it's just like, ya know, it's a whole mess of stuff, ya know. It's like,
|
|
yesterday, ya know, my dad was this, like, famous Burma tree surgeon guy and, ya know, now
|
|
he's a, a pharmacist guy and. . .<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOEY: Well, maybe he's, maybe he's this really cool pharmacist guy.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHOEBE: Yeah, maybe, yeah. You know, and, and I'll knock on the door and, and he'll hug me
|
|
and I'll have a dad. Ya know and I'll, I'll go to his pharmacy and everyone will be really
|
|
nice to me 'cause, you know, I'm Franks daughter.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
CHANDLER: Well, so why not go knock?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHOEBE: Well, 'cause, I mean, what if, what if he's not this great dad guy? I mean, what
|
|
if, what if he's just still the dirtbag who ran out on my mom and us? You know what? I've
|
|
already lost a fake dad this week and I don't think I'm ready to lose a real one.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOEY: Phoebs, that's OK. You took a big step today.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHOEBE: Yeah?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
CHANDLER: Yeah, and someday when you're ready, you'll make it past the hedges.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOEY: Yeah, and when you do, he'll be lucky to have you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHOEBE: You guys. I'm sorry about your shopping.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
CHANDLER: Oh, that's OK, we'll figure something out.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOEY: Uh, listen Phoebs, I know you're not goin' in there but do you think it'd be alright
|
|
if I went in and used his bathroom? Oh, that's fine, never mind. Cool, snow, kinda like a
|
|
blank canvas.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Ross, Monica, and Rachel are sitting around after
|
|
the party. Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe enter.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
CHANDLER: Ho, ho, ho, holy crap is it hot in here!<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOEY: Really, hey, you mind if I turn the heat down?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MONICA: Hey, we could have used that kind of thinkin' earlier.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ROSS: Hey, Phoebs, how'd it go.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHOEBE: Oh, I couldn't go in.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
MONICA: Honey, I'm sorry.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ROSS: Are you OK?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHOEBE: Yeah, yeah, no it's OK 'cause, I mean, I know he's there, so, that's enough for
|
|
now.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
CHANDLER: Hey, guys, it's after midnight, merry Christmas everyone. [Ross and Phoebe hug,
|
|
Monica and Rachel hug, Chandler is left standing]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOEY: Hey, Monica, the knob was broken so I just turned it off from underneath, I hope
|
|
that's alright.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
<font size="4">CLOSING TITLES</font><br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Joey and Chandler are giving out their Christmas
|
|
presents out of a cardboard box from a case of motor oil.]<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOEY: Rach, these are for you.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
RACHEL: Wiper blades. I don't even have a car.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOEY: No, but with this new car smell, you'll think you do.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
CHANDLER: OK, Phoebs, your turn.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHOEBE: Ahh, toilet seat covers! Is that what you were doing while I was getting gas?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOEY: Uh-huh.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
PHOEBE: You guuuyys.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
JOEY: And for Ross, Mr. Sweet-tooth.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ROSS: You got me a cola drink?<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
CHANDLER: And, a lemon lime.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
ROSS: Well this, this is too much, I feel like I should get you another sweater.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
CHANDLER: And last but not least.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Chandler and Joey give Monica a pack of condoms.]</p>
|
|
|
|
</font><p align="left"><font size="3">JOEY: They're ribbed for your pleasure.<br>
|
|
<br>
|
|
[Ross and Monica trade their gifts.]</font></p>
|
|
|
|
<p align="center"><strong><font size="3">END</font></strong></p>
|
|
|
|
<hr>
|
|
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