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<title>The One With The Girl From Poughkeepsie</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center"><strong>The One With The Girl From Poughkeepsie</strong></h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Scott Silveri<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe are there as Ross enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! </p>
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<p><strong>Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe</strong>: Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m sorry I’m late, did I miss anything?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Joey stuffing 15 <em>Oreos</em> in his mouth. (Joey, with an obvious
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mouth full, nods yes.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> 15? (Joey nods again) Your personal best! (Ross takes an <em>Oreo</em> and
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Joey mumbles, no!)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Where were you?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, on a date. Yeah, I met this girl on the train going to a museum
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upstate.</p>
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<p>(simultaneously) </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, yeah! How did you meet her?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, which museum?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (just Phoebe) No, answer his.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, it was just me and her at the back of the train, and I sat near the
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door, so she’d have to pass by me if she wanted to switch cars. She was totally at my
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mercy.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Were you so late because you were burring this woman?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No, I’m getting back down ‘cause she lives in Poughkeepsie. She
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seems really great, but she’s like totally great, but she lives two and a half hours
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away.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> How can she be great if she’s from Poughkeepsie? (laughs, at they
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all look at him) That joke would’ve killed in Albany.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Done! I did it! Heh, who’s stupid now? (He smiles and has cookie
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remains all over his teeth.)</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe are there.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, look at this! (Holding a newspaper) They’re lighting the big
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Christmas tree tonight.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, that paper’s two weeks old. </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, who keeps leaving old newspapers in the trash?! I really
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wanted to take Kathy to this, I can’t believe I missed it.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey, y’know, at least you have somebody to miss that stuff with! I <strong>hate</strong>
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being alone this time of year! Next thing you know it’ll be Valentine’s Day,
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then my birthday, then bang!—before you know it, they’re lighting that damn tree
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again. Ohh, I <strong>want</strong> somebody! (hearing this, Gunther moves in)
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Y’know, I want a <strong>man</strong>!! (Gunther leaves depressed) I mean, it
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doesn’t even have to be a big relationship, y’know, just like a fling would be
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great.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Really?! I didn’t think girls ever just wanted a fling.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, believe me, it’s been a long time since I’ve been flung.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, I know what I’m giving you for Christmas.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y’know what? There’s some nice guys at my office, do you
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want me to set you up?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah! Wait a minute, it’s been a long time that I’ve been
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single. How come you never offered this before?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I have a girlfriend, I’m-I’m happy. So, I no longer
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feel the need to go out of my way to stop others from being happy.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay! No accountants. Oh, and no one from like legal. I don’t like
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guys with boring jobs.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh and Ross was like what? A lion tamer?</p>
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<p>(Monica enters)</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What’s wrong Mon?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Ohh, everybody at the restaurant still hates me.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I thought I was making headway, everyone was smiling at me all day, I
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get off work and I find out that they wrote this (puts on her chef hat) on my chef’s
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hat. (The hat says ‘Quit, bitch’)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey, maybe they meant to write, ‘Quiet, bitch.’</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey, honey! What’s the matter? (Monica shows her, her hat.) Fine, I
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was just trying to be nice! Whoa!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I mean I have not been picked on this much since kindergarten and they
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had to bring in someone from junior high to do the see-saw with me. (Joey laughs and
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Monica glares at him.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ohhh!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I mean they’re trying to do everything they can to make me quit,
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and if there were any other job, I would. But this is something I’ve been waiting for
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my whole life.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, wait a minute, you’re the boss! Why don’t you just yell
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at them? Or, fire them?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I would love too, but I can’t! I mean I just can’t, you know
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that I’m not good at confrontation.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, you know what you can do? I remember reading about this director,
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I think it was Orson Wells, who at the beginning of the movie would hire somebody, just so
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he could fire them in front of everybody. Then they would all know, who’s boss.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, Mon! I’m not doing anything, why don’t you fire me?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> That’s a good idea! Wait, do you know how to waiter?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Good enough to get fired.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, you’re hired!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey! That must be why I got fired last week! Does this Orson Wells guy
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direct <em>Burger King</em> commercials?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (he glares at him for a while) Yes.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler’s office, he is trying to find Rachel a date.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I say, Drew! Are you seeing anybody right now? (Drew looks at him)
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Og-ee-op, I’m not asking for me, I’m… I mean… No, I’m-I’m
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not gay, I’m not asking you out. I’m not-I’m not-I’m not gay!</p>
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<p><b>Drew:</b> I didn’t think you were gay. I do now.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> See my friend-my friend, Rachel, she wants to be set up.</p>
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<p><b>Drew:</b> Ahh, I just got out of a big relationship, I’m not looking for any
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thing serious.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, y’know what, that might be okay even if it was just kind of a
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fling, that might be all right with Rachel.</p>
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<p><b>Mike:</b> Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Is this, hot Rachel, that you took to the Christmas
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party, Rachel?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Drew) Oh, by the way, that is her full name.</p>
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<p><b>Mike:</b> Oh wow! I’m free for her!</p>
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<p><b>Drew:</b> Oh, wait a second! I didn’t say I wasn’t free!</p>
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<p><b>Mike:</b> Hey, Chandler, why don’t we talk this over at the Ranger game
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tomorrow?</p>
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<p><b>Drew:</b> Hold on, y’know I <strong>just</strong> got a box of Cubans, maybe I
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bring them by your office around uh, five?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh well, that’s uh, a little later than I uh, generally care to
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stay, but sure!</p>
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<p><b>Mike:</b> Maybe, before the game we could enjoy some eight year old some small batch
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Basel Hadens.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I don’t really know what that is, but <strong>let’s</strong>!!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is working on a new song.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey! You guys, I’m writing a holiday song for everyone. Do you want
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to hear it?</p>
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<p><strong>Monica, Rachel, and Joey:</strong> Yes!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (singing) <em>Happy Chanukah, Monica! May your Christmas be snowy, Joey!
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Happy New Year, Chandler and Ross. Spin the draddle, Rachel!</em></p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Pheebs, that’s great!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, yay!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> But y’know umm, Rachel doesn’t rhyme with draddle.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I know but it’s so hard! Nothing rhymes with your stupid name!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What are you talking about? Lots of things rhyme with Rachel. Bagel. Mail.
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Jail. Bail. Able. May-pole.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All good, thanks. (to Rachel) Do you maybe have a nickname have like a
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nickname that’s easier to rhyme?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Didn’t your dad used to call you Pumpkin?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Pumpkin? Yeah. But did he ever call you like, Budolph?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering) Hello, children!</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Rachel) Have I got the 50 guys for you!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Really?!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yeah, I just showed this a picture of you and guys were throwing
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themselves at me! They’re buying me drinks! They’re giving me stuff! (to Joey)
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Knicks tonight?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Sure! Where are the seats?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Wherever! I’ve got like 20!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> So, will I like any of these guys?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y’know what, I’m gonna uh, play the field just a little
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more.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Chandler!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Guys are signing over their 401-K’s to me?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (shocked) You work with robots!!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (pause) Yes. (to Rachel) Okay, there’s this one guy, Patrick, I
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think you’re gonna like him, he’s really nice, he’s funny, he’s a
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swimmer.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, I like swimmer’s bodies!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, and his father invented that magnetic strip on the back of credit
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cards.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Op, I like credit cards!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> See, I’m not bad at this fixing up thing, huh?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, so what does he do?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, he works in the Fine Foods division.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Your company has a fine foods division?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> It’s a big company, I don’t—if you—I…</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Now, wait a second! You make food <strong>and</strong> robots?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No! No, the robots just work for them.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (getting up) All right, I’m gonna go to work. Does anybody have a
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problem with that?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, lady, I do! I got a problem with that!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You want a problem? I’ll give you a problem!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, what are you gonna do? You’re gonna fire me?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You bet your ass, I’m gonna fire you! Thank you. </p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, and Chandler are there.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, wow! I should get going. I-I got a date tonight.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yeah! With who?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> You know that girl I told you about who lives up in Poughkeepsie?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Not her. Yeah, this is someone else I meet, and I-I can’t decide
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between the two of them. Y’know the one from Poughkeepsie, even though she’s a
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two hour train ride away, is really pretty, really smart, and-and a lot of fun. But this
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other girl, well, she lives right uptown. Y’know she’s, well
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she’s-she’s just as pretty, I guess she’s smart, she’s <strong>not</strong>
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fun.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> If she’s no fun, why do you want to date her at all?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I-I want to give her another chance, y’know? She lives so
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close. And, at the end of the date, the other time, she-she said something that
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was—if she was kidding was very funny. On the other hand, if she wasn’t kidding,
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she’s not fun, she’s stupid, and kind of a racist.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, man!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey! Ooh, how was your first day working at the restaurant?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (checks his watch) Damn! (runs out to work)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Allesandro’s, Monica is cooking.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering from the dining room) Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, what happened to your fancy chef’s jacket? (sees there’s a
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burn spot on it)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> They baked it. I can’t take this anymore. I’m gonna call a
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meeting tonight, I’m gonna fire you tonight.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> You got it! Oh-oh! (He starts patting the burned spot, which just happens
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to be over her breast.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What are you doing?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> It’s still a tiny bit on fire there.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Thanks. (Joey’s still patting the burn spot) I think you got it!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is there.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering) Chandler!! You have the best taste in men!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, like father, like son.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Patrick and I had such a great time last night! I mean I think this
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could maybe turn into something serious.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Really?! I-I thought you weren’t looking for something serious? I
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thought you were looking for some kind of a fling.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, y'know, possibly. (pause) You didn’t tell him that, though?
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Right?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ummmmmmmm, no.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You told this guy that I was looking for a fling?! You don’t tell
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the guy that!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why not?! I’d be thrilled if I heard that some hot girl was just
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looking to get—oh I see.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, between you telling him that I wanted to have a fling and me putting
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out on the first date—oh, he’s so gonna get the wrong idea.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Allesandro’s, Joey is eating some cheese.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey, Joey, could you pass the cheese?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah. Listen uh, I’d prefer it if you didn’t call me Joey. Since
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I don’t know anyone here, I thought it’d be cool to try out a cool work
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nickname.</p>
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<p><b>A Waiter:</b> (entering) Hey, dragon! Here’s your tips from Monday and Tuesday.
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(hands him two envelopes)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (opening an envelope) There’s like-there’s like 300 bucks in
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this one!</p>
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<p><b>The Waiter:</b> Yeah, people get pretty generous around the holidays. And it never
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hurts to wear tight trousers.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay. Could the waiters gather around to hear tonight’s specials?
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Okay, first there is a Chilean Sea Bass prepared with a Mango relish on a bag—Why is
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nobody writing these down?</p>
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<p><b>The Waiter:</b> Because we can remember them.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Because your all gonna make up fake specials and make me cook them like
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you did the other night?</p>
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<p><b>The Waiter:</b> Well, sure, that too.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, forget the specials for a minute. Umm, all right here’s the
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thing, for the last two weeks I have umm, (quietly) tried really hard to create a positive
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atmosphere…</p>
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<p><b>The Waiter:</b> Can’t hear you!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (louder) A positive atmosphere! But I-I-I have had it up to here. (She
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holds her hand over her head as an afterthought.) From now on, it is gonna be <strong>my</strong>
|
||
way, or the highway! All right? Does anybody have a problem with that?!! (Joey looks at
|
||
the money he’s holding, and doesn’t speak up.) Hey new guy! I said, does anybody
|
||
have a problem with that?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No ma’am.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Waiter:</b> Hey! He has a name, it’s Dragon. Do you wanna know your name?
|
||
Check your hat. (to another waiter) We did the hat right? (The other waiter nods yes.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Allesandro’s, continued from earlier. The other waiters are gone and
|
||
Monica is confronting Joey about his not speaking up.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What the hell happened?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I am so-so-so sorry. I was gonna do it! Really! But I was standing there
|
||
with 327 dollars in one hand and 238 dollars in the other hand, and I was thinking,
|
||
"Wow! It’s been a long time since I had… (tries to do the math in his head,
|
||
but can’t) 327 + 238 dollars!"</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Joey, we had a deal. That-that’s why you’re here! I’ve
|
||
got to fire you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> And I gotta pay rent! Look, how-how about this? You don’t fire me,
|
||
instead I stay here, I gain their trust, and they’ll start listening to all the nice
|
||
things I’ve been saying about you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What kinda things have you been saying?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well nothing yet, they really hate you and I want to fit in.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is working on her holiday song, Chandler is sitting on the
|
||
couch reading a magazine, and Ross is sleeping on the couch.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (singing) Happy, happy Chanukah, Chandler and Monica. Very merry…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (interrupting) Oh, y’know, y’know what Pheebs?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I’m not Jewish, so…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So! Ross doesn’t <strong>really</strong> decorate his tree with
|
||
floss, but you don’t hear him complaining do you? God! (Phoebe hits her guitar which
|
||
wakes up Ross with a start.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Bad dream?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I wasn’t sleeping.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yeah, then uh, what was Phoebe’s song about?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> The one with the cat. I gotta go, I’ve got another date.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So, did you pick one yet?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No, it turns out that the one from uptown was making a joke. But it was a
|
||
different joke than I thought—it wasn’t that funny. So I’m still torn.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well look, you don’t really like the one from uptown and
|
||
you’re too exhausted from dating the one up in Poughkeepsie, so I say you just end
|
||
them both. Okay? You take a train up to Poughkeepsie and break up with her, and on your
|
||
way back you break up with uptown. And then by the time you get home tonight, you’re
|
||
done!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Y’know, you’re right. Thank you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, well I had a similar problem when I lived in Prague.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Prague?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> There’s sooo much you don’t know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is playing living room golf as Rachel enters.
|
||
Rachel sees this and holds the door open until Chandler is ready to start his swing, when
|
||
he is, she slams the door shut which causes the club to fly from his hands. He turns
|
||
around, shocked.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Chandler! Patrick just uh, ended things with me. Did you or did you not
|
||
tell him that I was looking for a serious relationship?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I did! I absolutely did!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You idiot!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I’m sure you’re right, but why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You don’t tell a guy that you’re looking for a serious
|
||
relationship! You don’t tell the guy that! Now you scared him away!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, man. I’m sorry, I’m so-so sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Y’know, you should <strong>never</strong> be allowed to talk to
|
||
people!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I know! I know!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh! See just I’m right back where I started! Aww, this sucks! Being
|
||
alone, sucks! (She sits down heavily in one of the new chairs)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, y’know, you’re-you’re gonna meet somebody!
|
||
You’re a great catch! Y’know when I was telling all those guys about you, I
|
||
didn’t have to lie once. (He sits down on the arm of her chair)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah! You graduated Magma Ku Laude, right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, it doesn’t matter. (Kisses her on the top of her head.) Hey,
|
||
y’know what, I’ve got two tickets to tonight’s Rangers game, you wanna come
|
||
with me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Cute guys in little shorts? Sure.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, actually it’s a hockey team, so it’s angry Canadians
|
||
with no teeth.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well that sounds fun too. (They hug.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(pause)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Have you ever been with a woman?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?! Chandler, what is the matter with you?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So there is no good time to ask that question.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: A train to Poughkeepsie, Ross is asleep against the window.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Conductor:</b> The next station is Poughkeepsie. Poughkeepsie!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>The Woman From Poughkeepsie:</strong> (outside Ross’s window) Ross? Ross!
|
||
(she knocks on the window) Wake up! Ross! (the train starts moving) Ross! Ross!! Ross!!!
|
||
Ross!!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Allesandro’s, Monica is cooking.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I need more swordfish. (to one of the assistant chefs) Can you get me
|
||
some more swordfish?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kitchen Worker:</b> I don’t speak English.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You did a minute ago!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kitchen Worker:</b> Well, I don’t know what to tell ya!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Fine!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She goes into the freezer to get it herself, and leaves the door open. The waiter from
|
||
earlier comes by and closes the door.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay! Very funny! Somebody let me out please?! Come on, I’m cold!
|
||
(She spills something.) And covered in marinara sauce! Come on! Let me out! (the door
|
||
opens)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Waiter:</b> You found that handle, did ya?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> That’s not funny.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Waiter:</b> Well that’s not true.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (starting to cry) I’m a good person. And I’m a good chef, and
|
||
I don’t deserve to have marinara sauce all over me! Y’know what, if you want me
|
||
to quit this bad, then all you have to do is…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (interrupting) Hey! Chef Geller! Y’know that little speech you made
|
||
the other day? Well I got a problem with it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You bet I do! I just ah, wasn’t listening then, that’s all.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well if you want a problem? I’ll give you a problem!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What are you gonna do? You’re gonna fire me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You bet your ass I’m gonna fire you! Get out of my kitchen! Get
|
||
out!! (Joey leaves) All right! Anybody else got a problem? How ‘bout you Chuckles?
|
||
You think this is funny now?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Waiter:</b> No.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> How about if I <strong>dance around</strong> all covered in sauce? Huh?
|
||
You think it’s funny now? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Waiter:</b> No, it’s really good.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Good! Now, take those salads to table 4, (to the kitchen worker from
|
||
earlier) And you! Get the swordfish! (to another assistant chef) And you! Get a haircut!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The train, it’s pulling into a station.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Conductor:</b> Last stop, Montreal. This stop is Montreal.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (waking up) What? (notices that there is now a beautiful woman sitting
|
||
next to him)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman On Train:</b> I made a bet with myself that you have beautiful eyes. Now that
|
||
I see them, I win.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman On Train:</b> We’re at my stop. But would you like to have coffee?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (now fully awake) Are we really in Montreal?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman On Train:</b> Yes we are. So, coffee?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Coffee sounds great. (They get up) Wait, so, so you live in Montreal?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman On Train:</b> Oh, no. But it’s just a two hour ferry ride to Nova Scotia.
|
||
</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Allesandro’s, Joey is coming back in with his coat on.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well I guess I should’ve thought about my wife and kids before I
|
||
talked back to chef Geller!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Thanks.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yep! Looks like it’s gonna be a leeeeean Christmas at the Dragon
|
||
house this year.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Enough!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (leaving) Lean-lean-lean!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is singing her holiday song.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (singing) "<em>Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap.<br>
|
||
|
||
Asked him to bring my friends all kind of crap.<br>
|
||
|
||
Said all you need is to write them a song.<br>
|
||
|
||
They haven't heard it, so don't try and sing along.<br>
|
||
|
||
No, don't sing along.</em></p>
|
||
|
||
<p><em>
|
||
Monica, Moncia, have a happy Chanukah.<br>
|
||
|
||
Saw Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross.<br>
|
||
|
||
And plese tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy</em>!<em><br>
|
||
|
||
And Rachel and Chandler, have err-umm-glander</em>!!"</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>Happy holidays, everybody!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |