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<title>The One With The Girl Who Hits Joey</title>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With The Girl Who Hits Joey</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Adam Chase<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: The hallway, Ross is running up the stairs. Note: This show continues where the
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last one left off.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Chandler!!! Chandler!!! (He opens the door to the apartment but is stopped
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by the chain; Chandler and Monica quickly stop making out and try to get dressed.)
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Chandler, I saw what you were doing through the window! Chandler, I saw what you were
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doing to my sister! Now get out here!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (To Monica) Wow! Listen, we had a good run. What was it? Four? Five
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months? I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime! So, good-bye, take care,
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bye-bye then! (He kisses her and starts to climb out the balcony window.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What are you doing?!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, I'm going on the lamb.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Come on Chandler, come on, I can handle Ross. (They go to the door. Ross
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is trying to stick his hand through and undo the chain; Monica pushes his hand back.) (To
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Ross) Hold on! (She opens the door.) Hey Ross. What's up bro?</p>
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<p>(Ross spots Chandler and starts chasing him around the kitchen table. Chandler runs and
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hides behind Monica.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What the hell are doing?!!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (running from the guy's apartment with Joey in tow) Hey, what's-what's
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going on?!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I think, I <b>think</b> Ross knows about me and Monica.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (panicking) Dude! He's right there!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (To Chandler) I thought you were my best friend, this is my sister! My
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best friend and my sister! I-I cannot believe this!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, we're not just messing around! I love her. Okay, I'm in love
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with her.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I'm so sorry that you had to find out this way. I'm sorry, but it's
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true, I love him too.</p>
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<p>(There's a brief pause.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (happily) My best friend and my sister! I cannot believe this. (He hugs
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them both.) (To Joey and Rachel) You guys probably wanna get some hugs in too, huh? Big
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news!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Awww, no, it's okay, we've actually known for a while.</p>
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<p>(There's another pause as Ross gets angry again.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What? What? What?! You guys knew? (Joey and Rachel backup against the
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door.) You <b>all</b> knew and you didn't tell me?!!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, Ross, we were worried about you. We didn't know how you were going
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to react.</p>
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<p>(Pause.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (happily again) You were worried about me? You didn't know how I was going
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to react? (He hugs them both.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, all right, whew! What do you say we all clear out of here and let
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these two lovebirds get back down to business? (Ross turns and glares at him.)
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Hey-hey-hey, I-I-I'm just talking here, he-he's the one doing your sister.</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, you know what I just realized? If you guys ever have kids<64></p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (interrupting) Whoa-whoa-whoa! We're having kids?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (quickly) I call Godfather!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> You can't just <b>call</b> Godfather. Don't you think her brother should
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be Godfather?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Sure, if you cared enough to call it first.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Guys, you're a few steps ahead of us.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, big zero gravity moon steps.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh! Oh, I just thought of the greatest wedding gift to get you.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, I'll go in on that with you! I couldn't think of anything.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p>(A girl enters.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (to her) Oh, hey Katie! Everyone, this is Katie.</p>
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<p><b>Katie:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> So, are you ready to go?</p>
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<p><b>Katie:</b> Yeah, I just gotta run to the bathroom.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh sure, right back there. (Points.)</p>
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<p><b>Katie:</b> Hey, where are we going to lunch?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I was thinking Chinese food.</p>
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<p><b>Katie:</b> Ohh, I <b>love</b> Chinese! How did you know I love Chinese?! (She hits
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him repeatedly as she says that.)</p>
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<p>(She heads to the bathroom and Joey sits back down.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> She is so cute! You could fit her right in your little pocket!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I don't know. I mean I like her a lot, and she's really nice, but<75></p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> But what?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (shyly) She keeps punching me.</p>
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<p>(They all laugh.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> In that cute, little, sweet way she just did?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, it's a lot harder than it looks! Okay? (Quietly) She-she-she's
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hurting me.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I know what you need, you need a bodyguard. Hey Ross, what is Ben doing
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after preschool?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey listen, come on, Joey is having a problem! A little girl is
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beating him up.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Aww, Joey, come here. (She takes his hand.) Look honey, I know this must
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be really, really difficult for you and I--Oh, I'm sorry. Am I hurting you?</p>
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<p>[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's unpacking after moving in. There's a knock on the door
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and he answers it.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (opens it to reveal Phoebe) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey! I brought you some house warming gifts.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Aww.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah. Salt, so your life always has flavor.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Huh.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Bread, so you never go hungry.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Ohh.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> And a scented candle for the bathroom, because well, y'know.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Thanks. Thanks. And thanks again.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah!</p>
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<p>(The door across the hall opens and a guy walks into Ross's apartment.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Guy:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Guy:</b> Welcome to the building. I'm uh, Steve Sarah; I'm president of the tenants
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committee.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh hi! Ross Geller. And this is my friend Phoebe.</p>
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<p><b>Steve:</b> Oh hi Phoebe.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Mr. President.</p>
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<p><b>Steve:</b> I came to talk to you about Howard.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Howard?</p>
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<p><b>Steve:</b> Yeah, he's the handy man. He's gonna be retiring next week and everyone
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who lives here is kicking in a 100 bucks as a thank you for all the hard work type of
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thing.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh that's nice.</p>
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<p><b>Steve:</b> Yeah. So, do you want to give a check? Or<4F></p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh. Uhh<68></p>
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<p><b>Steve:</b> Oh look, you don't have to give it too me right now! You can slip it
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under my door. (Points to his apartment across the hall.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No-no, it's not that, it's just<73> I-I <b>just</b> moved in.</p>
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<p><b>Steve:</b> Well, the guy's worked here for 25 years.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes, but I've lived here for 25 minutes.</p>
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<p><b>Steve:</b> Oh, okay, I get it. (Starts to leave.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No wait, look. Look! I'm sorry, it's just I've never even <b>met</b>
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Howard. I-I mean I don't know Howard.</p>
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<p><b>Steve:</b> Howard's the <b>handy</b> man!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes but too me he's just, man.</p>
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<p><b>Steve:</b> Okay, fine, whatever. Welcome to the building. (Exits.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (To Phoebe) Ugh, can you believe that guy!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah. I really like his glasses.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is lamenting to Chandler and Rachel about his
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troubles in his new building.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> <20>so then President Steve told everyone that I was a cheapskate, and
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now the whole building hates me! A little kid spit on my knee! Y'know what I'm gonna do?
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I'm gonna throw a party. That's right. For everyone in the building, and I'm gonna sit
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them down and explain to them, I am not a bad guy. I am not a cheap guy! I'm just a guy
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who-who stands up for what he believes in. A man with principles.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (To Rachel) Sounds like a fun party.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hmm. Look, Ross, if you want your neighbors to like you, why don't you
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just pay the hundred bucks? The party's gonna cost you way more than that.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> It doesn't matter! It's my principles! We're talking about my principles!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, I thought it was about your neighbors liking you.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, they'll like me. Once they come to my awesome PAR-TAY! Okay, I gotta
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run. I gotta go get some nametags. (Exits.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> And that crazy party animal will be your brother-in-law.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Very, very funny, but don't say things like that in front of Monica. I
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don't want you putting any ideas in her head.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Umm, Chandler, you <b>do</b> realize that those ideas are probably
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already in Monica's head.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Wh-wh-why?!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, because she loves you and because you love her.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, so, what's that supposed to mean?!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey, Chandler, don't freak out! I'm telling you something you already
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know! Come on, she broke up with Richard because he didn't want to have babies. And she's
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a woman, and she's almost 30, and y'know it's Monica.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don't see it that way. Okay? Because, I see two Monicas, the one
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that was my friend, who lived across the hall, and wanted to have a lot of babies and then
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the new Monica, who I just started to date. Now, who's to say what <b>she</b> wants?!
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I<EFBFBD>m right. I'm right. Am I right?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, you're right, you are absolutely right. I mean that makes, that
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makes everything different.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay. It's not different at all, is it?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Not unless different means the same.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is sitting on the couch with Katie.]</p>
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<p><b>Katie:</b> You were so funny with that waiter! You're such a nut! (She slaps her
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thighs, Joey jerks, and spills some of his coffee.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (sets the coffee down) Y'know, breadstick fangs are always funny.</p>
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<p><b>Katie:</b> No, you make them funny. You're the funny one! (She punches him again and
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he retreats to the arm of the couch.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Uhh, look Katie, uh listen, we-we need to talk. Okay? Umm, look I like
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you. I-I really do, I like you a lot. Okay? But sometimes when you, when you playfully
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punch me like that it-it feels like someone's hitting me with a very tiny but very <b>real</b>
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bat.</p>
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<p><b>Katie:</b> Aww, like I could hurt you. Are you making fun of my size? Don't make fun
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of me because of my size! (She punches him again and almost knocks him off the arm of the
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couch.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler and Monica are curled up on one of the chairs.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Isn't this great?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hmm.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Couldn't you just stay like this forever? (His eyes snap open.)
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Chandler! Couldn't you just stay here forever?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, here, somewhere else, y'know where-where ever. (Gets up.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Are you okay?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I'm cool. Casual.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What-what are you doing?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I'm just hanging out. Y'know, having fun. Y'know with the girl that
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I'm seeing casually.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Man, I knew it! I knew you were going to do this!!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Get all freaked out because everybody was talking and just joking around
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about marriage and stuff.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, you <b>do</b> want all that stuff, right?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh and <b>you</b> know what I want!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes! You want babies! You have baby fever!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I do not have baby fever!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh please, you are obsessed with babies and-and marriage and
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everything that's related to babies and-and marriage! I've got an idea, why don't we turn
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down the heat on this pressure cooker?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Have you lost your mind? Chandler, this isn't about me! This is about
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you and all your weird relationship commitment crap!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Nah-uh! I know you! Okay? I know the thoughts that you have in the
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head--in your head!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You don't know everything. Did you know that I'm going out with Rachel
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tonight instead of you? Hmm? And did you know that the only baby around here is you?! And
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did you know that I can't even look at you right now?! (She storms out.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I did not know that.</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is getting advice from Ross and Joey.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> It's gonna be okay, right? I mean she's not gonna leave me? This is,
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this is fixable.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Ross and <b>Joey:</b></b> Oh yeah, yeah, sure. Absolutely.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> By me?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, no!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No-no.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, unless you make some kind of big gesture.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, big!</p>
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<p>(Monica enters.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh-oh, shht! The Misses.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Gunther, can I get a coffee (Looks at Chandler) to go?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Monica. (Goes to talk to her.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I'm still not done not wanting to talk to you.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Just tell me what I need to do to make things right.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, that's what we do. Y'know, I-I mess up and then you tell me how
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to fix it and then I do and then y'know you think I'm all cute again.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Really? I'm really tired of being your relationship tutor. You're gonna
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have to figure this one for yourself. All right? Y'know what? If you're too afraid to be
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in a real relationship, then don't be in one. (She walks out.)</p>
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<p>(Chandler turns to watch her go and then sees Ross and Joey both with huge grimaces on
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their faces.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Ross's apartment, he's having his party, only he's the only guest. He gets up
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and puts on a nametag that says Ross, but doesn't quite like it. So he takes it off and
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puts on one that says Dr. Geller and he puts the Ross one underneath the Dr. Geller one.
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Then as he turns off the music, we hear the party for Howard raging in the apartment
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across the hall.]</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Party Guests:</b> (chanting) Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (Ross goes to investigate
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the noise) Howard! Howard! Howard! (They're holding Howard above their heads.) Howard!
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Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! (He sees Phoebe chanting along with them.) Howard! Howard!
|
||
Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard! Yay!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Phoebe! (He grabs her arm to get her attention.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, hi Ross!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What are you doing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I thought this was your party and it turns out it<69>s a party for
|
||
Howard. He's just the sweetest little man! (A guest walks up to her.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Guest #1:</b> See ya Phoebe! Oh and hey, thanks for chipping in!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You chipped in?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, uh-huh, a 100 dollars.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Phoebe! I can't believe you gave them money! I thought you agreed it was
|
||
totally unreasonable that they asked me for that money!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, but they didn't ask me! Y'know? This way I'm just y'know, the
|
||
exotic, generous stranger. That's always fun to be.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, but you're making me look bad!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No I'm not. No! If anything I'm making you look better! They'll see you
|
||
talking to me and that's--I'm a hit!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Steve:</b> (walking up) Oh hey, Pheebs!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Steve:</b> Oh hey, Ross. Umm, see, I was thinking maybe you two could switch
|
||
apartments because Phoebe's more our kind of people. Something to think about. (Walks
|
||
away.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross turns and glares at Phoebe.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, okay, my bad.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is getting some coffee as Joey enters. He's looking a
|
||
little puffy, but that's probably from the large number of different color sweaters he's
|
||
wearing.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi! Wow! You look, you look<6F>big.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Thanks! I've been working out. Hey listen, is it obvious that I'm wearing
|
||
six sweaters?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uhhh, yeah. But it's not obvious why.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well look, I<>m breaking up with Katie so I had to put on some extra
|
||
padding. Y'know? I mean, if she hits me when she's happy, can you imagine how hard she's
|
||
gonna hit me when I tell her I'm taking away the Joey love?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Katie:</b> (entering) Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey! Hiya!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey! Hey, cute jacket!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Katie:</b> Oh, thanks! That's so sweet! (She punches Rachel like she punched Joey.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh! Ow! (Joey motions, "You see what I mean?!")</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Katie:</b> Oh, ow! Did Joey tell you to say that? You guys, (Punches Joey) are too
|
||
much! (Punches Rachel.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Whoa! (Laughs) Y'know what Katie? I gotta tell ya I-I-I-I think you are
|
||
the one who is too much. (She punches Katie back.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Katie:</b> Ohh, Joey has the nicest friends! (She punches Rachel.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, and the nicest girlfriend! (She retaliates.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Katie:</b> You're so sweet! (Punches Rachel yet again.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, you're so sweet! (She kicks Katie in the shin.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Katie:</b> Oww!!!! Joey, she just kicked me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Huh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Katie:</b> Well? Aren't you gonna do something?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Uhh<68>.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Katie:</b> You'd better do something, or I'm gonna walk out that door right now!
|
||
Well? Are you gonna?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Nah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She looks at Rachel and storms out. After she's left Joey hugs Rachel in thanks.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Howard's party, Phoebe is talking Ross up to two more partygoers. Ross isn't
|
||
happy about it.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (trying to get her attention) Phoebe?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (ignoring him and continuing her conversation) That's what I'm saying.
|
||
(Laughs.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (tapping her on the shoulder) Phoebe? Phoebe?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh. (Turns to him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Look, this is a disaster! Can't I please just go?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No! No! I'm talking you up to people. Just give it a little time, all
|
||
right? Relax, get something to eat! Okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They go to the food table.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> So uh, what did you tell them about me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I was telling them about you and Emily. Y'know, try to get some
|
||
sympathy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ohh. (He cuts himself a piece of cake.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> But somehow you came off as the bad guy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, I think I told it wrong. Y'know, we should talk about that because
|
||
I don't totally understand what happened there.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (trying a piece of cake) Ohh, this cake is really good!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, okay, see? Things are looking up already!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Guest #2:</b> (sees the cake) Oh my God! Someone cut Howard's cake! (Ross tries
|
||
dumping it into a nearby plant.) Who would do a think like that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Steve goes over to look at Ross who's trying to look cool, but has some frosting on
|
||
his lip.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Steve:</b> 3-B!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Oh yeah, aww!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Steve:</b> Okay, you got your free food! You ruined everyone's fun! Don't you think
|
||
it's time you went home?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Guest #3:</b> Yeah, leave!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Yeah, get out! Now!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Steve:</b> Go back to 3-B, 3-B!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right, everyone calm down! Everyone calm down! I have something that
|
||
I would like to say! Who here likes Ross? (Ross is the only one who raises his hand and
|
||
Phoebe glares at him to put his hand back down.) Of course you don't like him! He-he
|
||
didn't give you any money, he raised his own hand when I asked, "Who hear likes
|
||
Ross," and he's wearing two nametags! (He takes one off.) I-I'll be honest with you
|
||
guys, when I first met Ross I didn't like him at all! But then once I got to know him I
|
||
saw that he's really sweet and caring and <b>very</b> generous. I mean, all I'm saying is
|
||
don't judge Ross before you get to know him all right? I mean, I like all you guys now,
|
||
but when I first meet you y'know Kurt, I thought, y'know abrasive drunk, umm Lola, mind
|
||
numbingly stupid! And okay, you guys (She turns to an elderly gentleman and a 20 something
|
||
woman, who're a couple.) (To the girl) Gold-digger, (To the old guy) cradle robbing perv!
|
||
So, I think you all know what I mean.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross and Phoebe have been banished to Ross's place.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Obviously I didn't think they were gonna start throwing things. I just
|
||
thought if I kept insulting everyone, you would jump in and defend everyone and then you
|
||
could look like the hero.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh wow, yeah! See, I did not get that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler comes running in. Everyone else is already
|
||
there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Where's Monica?! Where is she? I need to talk to her! It's urgent! Is
|
||
she here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (raising her hand) I'm Monica.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I need to talk to you, it's urgent!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, I've been doing a lot of thinking about us, y'know a lot of uhh,
|
||
us thinking. And uh, well I guess there's only one-one way to do this. (He slowly and
|
||
awkwardly gets down on one knee.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wait what-wh-wh-what are you doing?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (getting out a ring box) Monica<63></p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No-no, don't-don't-don't do it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Will you marry me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe hides her eyes in shame. Rachel is starring at them wide-eyed and open-mouthed.
|
||
Joey and Ross are stunned to temporary silence.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh-no. No. No.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What a bad idea!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohhhh, I cannot look at it! (She doesn't move.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Chandler, why are you doing this?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don't know. But I know I'm not afraid to do this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Chandler.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I'm doing this because I'm sorry?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Do you umm, you really think the best reason to get married is because
|
||
you're sorry?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, the best reason to get married is pregnancy. Sorry is pretty much
|
||
fourth y'know, behind being ready and actually <b>wanting</b> to get married. (Laughs.)
|
||
Will you be my wife?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (kneels with him) Chandler, umm, I want you to take just a minute and I
|
||
want you to think about how <b>ridiculous</b> this sounds.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I'm kinda wishing everyone wasn't here right now.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Honey! Do you know that none of that stuff came from me?! I mean I never
|
||
said I wanted to have babies and get married right now!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah I know, but I was really confused and then I talked to these
|
||
guys. (Turns to look at Ross and Joey.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Who? Two divorces and Joey?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> She's right y'know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, but still, cheap shot!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know what? Y'know when I said that I want you to deal with this
|
||
relationship stuff all on your own? Well, you're not ready for that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I didn't think I was!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They hug.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God, what would have done if I said yes?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well I would've been happy because I would've be able to spend the
|
||
rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole
|
||
in that door. (Points at the door.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Everyone is there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Ross, will you pass me that knife?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No, I will not!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, it's okay. You don't have to be so mean about it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You're right, I'm sorry. Will you marry me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They all laugh.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Aw, and I was gonna ask you to marry me because I forgot to say hello to
|
||
you last week.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh no wait Pheebs, I think for something like that you just ask them to
|
||
move in with you. But I'm not sure, Chandler?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, how long is this going to go on.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well I think the length of teasing is directly related to how insane you
|
||
were so, a long time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> This is fun. Hey Rach, remember that whole "We were on a break
|
||
thing?" Well, I'm sorry, will you marry me? (Laughs--whines as he sees that no one is
|
||
laughing. They're just staring at him in shock.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> That's not funny.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> That's not funny at all!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They all get up and leave.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<hr>
|
||
|
||
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|
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|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
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