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<!-- saved from url=(0054)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season3/325toab.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One At The Beach</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="white" text="black" link="green" vlink="black" alink="yellow" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One At The Beach </h1>
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<hr align="center">
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<p>Story by: Pan-ni Landrum & Mark J. Kunerth<br>
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Teleplay by: Adam Chase<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<font size="3">
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe is there. Bonnie is telling them of her
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sex-capades.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Bonnie) So ah, your first sexual experience was with a woman?!</p>
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<p><b>Bonnie:</b> All right, I was 15, it was my best friend, Ruth, and we got drunk on
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that hard cider, and then suddenly, I don’t know, we were, we were making out.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Tell it again. (pause, we see Rachel is not amused.) Seriously.</p>
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<p>[cut to Rachel and Monica at the counter.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (to Monica) I mean is that woman capable of talking about anything else
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but sex?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, sure. Well y'know, earlier she was talking about geography.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Joey, she was listing the countries she’s done it in.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, I think we all learned something.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering, hurridly) Hey, you guys! Look what I found! Look at this!
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(She hands Chandler a picture) That’s my Mom’s writing! Look.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (reading the back of the picture) Me and Frank and Phoebe, Graduation
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1965.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Y'know what that means?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> That you’re actually 50?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No-no, that’s not, that’s not <b>me</b> Phoebe, that’s
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her pal Phoebe. According to her high school yearbook, they were like B.F.F. (Ross and
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Bonnie look at her quizzically) Best Friends Forever.</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Oh!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> That is so cool.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I know! So this woman probably could like have all kinds of stories
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about my parents, and she might even know like where my Dad is. So I looked her up, and
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she lives out by the beach. So maybe this weekend we could go to the beach?</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Yeah! Yeah, we can!</p>
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<p><b>Bonnie:</b> (to Ross) Shoot! I can’t go, I have to work!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s too bad.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (sarcastic) Ohh, big, fat bummerrr.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So great! Okay! Tomorrow we’re gonna drive out to Montauk.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, Bonnie had sex there!</p>
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<p>(Rachel turns and gives him a look, and Joey quickly apologises.)</p>
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<p align="center"><b>Opening Credits</b></p>
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<p>[Scene: Outside Central Perk, Chandler and Monica are waiting for Phoebe to arrive with
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the cab.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (watching a happy couple walk by, arm in arm) Would you look at them. Am
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I ever gonna find a boyfriend again? I gonna die an old maid.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You’re not gonna die an old maid, maybe an old spinster cook.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (sarcastic) Thanks!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey now besides, if worst comes to worst, I’ll be your boyfriend.</p>
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<p>(At that suggestion Monica starts laughing.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah right.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why is that so funny?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You made a joke right? So I laughed.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ha-ha-ha. A little to hard. What am I not ah, boyfriend material?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, no. You’re Chandler. Y'know, Chandler! (hits him on the arm)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, so we’ve established my name, and hit me. But theoretically
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y'know, I mean say we weren’t friends, say it’s a blind date. I show up at your
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door, and I’m like (in a fake voice) “Hey, nice to meet, ya. Hey, oh-hey.”</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well I’d probably be scared of a guy using a fake voice.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (walking up carrying a brown paper bag) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, hey! Oh good, you brought food!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No, it’s just my luggage.</p>
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<p>(Phoebe drives up.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler, Monica, and Joey:</b> Hey!!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Woo-hoo! All right! Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I am having the best karma this week. First, I find this woman who
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knew my parents, and then my client with the fuzzy back gives me his beach house.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah? What about ah, that bike messenger you hit?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I wasn’t talking about his karma.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (approaching) Hey! </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey-hey, check out the hat!</p>
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<p>(She is wearing this <b>giant</b> straw hat, the brim on it must be at least, <b>least</b>
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foot wide.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What a minute, I know that hat! I was taken aboard that hat! They did
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experiments on me! I can’t have children!!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Seriously, where did you get the hat?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross gave it to me.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, I think she looks good.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, thank you.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Buy it for ya, or win it for ya?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well excuse me, my fashion-impaired friends, I am here to tell you that
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hats are back.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> And this time, they’ve ganged up to form one giant, super hat.</p>
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<p>[Scene: At the Beach, it’s raining cats and dogs as the gang arrives. Chandler and
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Monica are taking shelter under Rachel’s hat.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Go, go, go!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh yeah, now everybody wants to be under this hat!</p>
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<p>(They get inside and notice on small problem.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oy!!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What’s with all this sand? (picking a handful of sand off of the
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floor, which is covered in sand)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, yeah, Bob said there might be flood damage.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, either that, or he has a really big cat.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Phoebe Sr. house, she is a real estate agent and is trying to sell a house over
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the phone. By the way, it’s still raining outside.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Well, yes, it’s kind’ve an unusual house. It has umm, three
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beautiful bedrooms and ah, no baths. But y'know, the ocean is right there.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (at the door) Knock, knock, knock.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> (on phone) Ah, oh, hang on a second. (to Phoebe) Come in, come in.
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(on phone) All right, so think about it, and call me back. (hangs up)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering) Are you ah, Phoebe Abott?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Ahh, yes.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hi Phoebe Abott, I’m your best friends daughter!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> You’re Erwin’s daughter?!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, I-I mean your-your old best friend, here. (hands her the picture)
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Lily, from high school. Remember?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Oh gosh, Lily, yes. Of course I remember Lily. I... Then you must be?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (points to herself) Phoebe. (points to her) Phoebe. Phoebe, yeah. She
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named me after you I guess.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Uh-huh. Wow! Well, look! There’s Frank. (points to the picture.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes!! Yes! Yes! Yes!! That’s my Dad, that’s Frank! Yeah!
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I’m sorry I’m getting all flingy.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Take it easy--if you want, there’s cookies on the counter, or,
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or--sangria! (jumps up) I can make sangria!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No-no, sorry. Cookies are good, thanks. </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Oh.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (goes and gets some cookies) Well, so, umm, anyway umm, I’ve been,
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I’ve been looking for my Father, and umm, have you heard from him, or seen him?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Oh no, I-I’m sorry, I guess we lost track of everybody after
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high school.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (disappointed) Oh, okay. Well, so tell me everything about my parents.
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Everything.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Ohh, well. Y'know we were always together, in fact the had a nickname
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for the three of us.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, what? What was it?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> The three losers. Oh, poor Lily. (Phoebe notices a picture on the
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fridge, takes it, and puts it in her pocket.) Ohh, y'know I-I heard about what happened,
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that must have been just terrible for you, losing your mother that way.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (happily) Yeah, no, it was great.</p>
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<p>[Scene: The beach house, it’s still raining. Chandler is building a sand castle,
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Rachel is doing Monica’s nails, and they’re all drinking margaritas, obviously
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bored.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (getting an idea) Hey, y'know what a really good rainy day game is?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I mean naked game. Strip poker, we should totally play strip poker.</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> No, no!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What are you crazy?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Come on! When you go away, you-you have to play, it’s like a law!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (to Monica) Allll done!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Aww, thank you.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, who’s next?! (She looks around the room, and stops when she
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comes to Ross.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No-o-o! (Rachel gives him a “Please?” look.) No way! </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Come on, please?! I’m boredddd! You let me do it once before.</p>
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<p>(Ross shoots Joey a look, who shoots Chandler a look, who gives Joey an “Oh my
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God.” look back.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah well, if ah, if that’s the rule this weekend... (She gets up)
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No!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes! (she starts creeping up on him)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Get away!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Just once! </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Stay away!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Take it like a man, Ross!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (he gets up and starts to run away from her) No! (in his escape attempt he
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crushes Chandler’s sand castle) No!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, come on!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Big bullies!!</p>
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<p>(Ross dives over the couch, Rachel goes the other way, and lands up top of him.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Ow! Ow! Oh, no-no-no!</p>
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<p>(They get into a wrestling match, that ends with Ross making Rachel paint her forehead
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with the nail polish. They both end up lying next to each other, stop, and look at each
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other for a moment.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering) Oh, hey!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, so, how are we doing?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Bored and bored!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, you know what naked card game is never boring?</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Noo!!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (to Phoebe) So what’s Phoebe like?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’m kind, caring, and sweet. What’s Monica like?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Ah no, the other Phoebe, the one you went to go see.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ohh, I think she knows where my Dad is.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Really?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh well, where is he?!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> She was acting, she was pretending like she hasn’t heard from him
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on years, but I found this picture on her fridge, and look (shows Monica)! Isn’t this
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what he would look like now?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (gasps) Totally familiar. (Phoebe shows the rest of them.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, yeah.</p>
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<p><b>The Guys:</b> Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, why would she lie to you?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I don’t know, but we’re having dinner tomorrow night, so I
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figured, she’s gonna tell me then. Y'know maybe she just wanted to give him time to,
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buy me presents, I don’t know! So, you’re all bored?</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Ohh!!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right, I’m gonna close my eyes and point to someone, and you,
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whoever I point has to come up with something fun for us to do, and we <b>have</b> to do
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it. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, all right. </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Fan out! Fan out!</p>
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<p>(They do so, and Phoebe gets in the middle, closes her eyes, and starts spinning in a
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circle.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. (Starts to spin) Ooh, y'know we could just do this. (She stops at
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Chandler)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, umm, we all have to play strip poker.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (jumping in triumph) OH YES!!!!!</p>
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<p>[cut to later]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Strip Happy Days Game?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, well, I couldn’t find any cards, so it was either this or Strip
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Bag Of Old Knitting Stuff.</p>
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<p>(Monica rolls, and Ross goes first.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, (reading the card) Fonzy gives you two thumbs up, collect two cool
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points. Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Monica, if you get five cool points, you get to make somebody take off
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one item of clothing. It hasn’t happened yet, but we’re all very excited.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, come on! (blows on the dice) Daddy needs a new pair of
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electromagnetic microscopes for the Prehistoric Forensics Department! (They all look at
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him, and he shuts up and rolls the dice.) (he moves his piece) Okay. (reading a card) Take
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Pinky Tuscadero up to Inspiration Point, collect three cool points!! Yeah! Which gives me
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five, and let’s see who is gonna lose their clothes. Ummmm, I think I pick our strip
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poker sponsor Mr. Joey Tribianni.</p>
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<p>The Girls: Woo-hooooo!!!!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, relax. It’s just a shoe.</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Wooooo!!!!</p>
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<p>[cut to later in the game]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (reading a card) Okay, your band is playing at Arnold’s, collect
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three cool points. Which means, I have five, and that means I get Joey’s boxers!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Fine. Gang up on me! I got you all right where I want you.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Come on, take ‘em off!!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Actually, y'know it’s kinda cold, so how about I keep my boxers on,
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and give you all a peek at the good stuff?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (getting up) All right, I’m gonna make more margaritas! (She pours
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the rest of the pitcher into Ross’s glass.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Whoa, hey! What are doing? Trying to get me drunk?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m just making margaritas.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I think I’ll help her out. (She gets up to go over and help Rachel,
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and reveals she has no pants.) (to Rachel) What is going on here?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?! </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You painting his toenails?</p>
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|
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, come on!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Chasing him all around the room?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Monica, please?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> He’s totally flirting with you too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (pause) He is, isn’t he? I don’t know, I don’t know, I
|
||
mean maybe it’s just being here at the beach together or, I don’t know. But
|
||
it’s like something... (she’s interrupted by the sound of Bonnie entering)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! (Rachel is shocked) Hi Bonnie!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> Hi! My boss let me off early, so I took the train. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> What are you guys doing?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> We’re playing Strip Happy Days Game!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> Cool! I’ll catch up! (She takes off her sweater.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>Commercial Break</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The beach house, the next morning. Chandler and Monica are in the kitchen
|
||
eating breakfast.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So, you still don’t think I’m boyfriend material?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Huh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I saw you checking me out during the game last night.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You didn’t even take off your pants.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, well, lucky for you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don’t know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering) Well! Is everybody else having just the <b>best</b> time?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Shhh! Shhhh! Joey’s asleep.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey is sleeping on the floor and is buried in sand that has been carved into a
|
||
mermaid complete with breasts.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> After he passed out, we put the sand around him to keep him warm.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well I assume the ah, happy couple isn’t up yet. Did you guys hear
|
||
them last night?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, yeah, I don’t know what they were doing, but at one point sea
|
||
turtles actually came up to the house.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross and Bonnie enter)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Good morning.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> Hey! How did everybody sleep?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, great.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Like a log.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross and Bonnie:</b> Us too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m going for a walk.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey finally wakes up.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Joey) Good morning. Nice breasts by the way.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey looks down and his look turns from shock to satisfaction.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The porch, Bonnie is coming back from swimming, Rachel is reading.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> Hey, what happened to you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, ah nothin’. I just felt like hangin’ out here and reading.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> Oh, the water was sooo great! We jumped off this pier and my suit came
|
||
off.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohhhh, sorry I missed that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> Yeah, Joey and Chandler sure are funny. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh-ha-ha!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> I think I brought back half of the beach in my hair. It was so much
|
||
easier when I used to shave my head.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Y'know, I gotta tell ya, I just <b>loved</b> your look when you were
|
||
bald.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> Really?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> Because I think about shaving it all off again sometime.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Really?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> Yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I mean you definitely should do that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> Y'know what, I should do it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> Yeah, thank you Rachel, you are soo cool.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Awww, stop. Come on. Now go shave that head!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> All right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(As Bonnie goes to do just that, Rachel smiles to herself, proud of what she’s
|
||
done.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The beach house, at night. Phoebe is hangs up the phone, and gently pushes one
|
||
of the stools over.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What’s the matter, Pheebs?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> She cancelled! My namesake cancelled on me!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, she clamed she had to go out of town suddenly. She’s avoiding
|
||
me, she doesn’t want to tell me where my Father is. She knows, and she won’t
|
||
tell me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Aww Pheebs, that sucks!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, well, don’t “Aww Pheebs, that sucks!” me yet. (she
|
||
starts to leave)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Where ya going?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, she’s out of town so, there’s gotta be something in her
|
||
house that tells me where my Father is.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh, Pheebs, some people call that breaking and entering.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, are any of those people here?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Oh, no!! No, no!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, look I-I-I do something nice, okay? I’ll-I’ll fill her
|
||
ice trays.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She exits just as Bonnie comes down the stairs, as bald as Michael Jordan.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> Hey, everybody!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Wow!! (they all recoil in shock and horror)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Wh-haa-haa! Look what ‘cha did! (Rachel has her hand over her mouth
|
||
to keep from laughing.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> You wanna touch it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Nooo, but it, but it’s great.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> Come on, touch it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay. (He gently touches it.) You can feel all the bones in your skull.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is coming out to talk to Rachel.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I was having a little chat with ah, Bonnie, and ah, guess what, she-she
|
||
happened to bring up y'know, who was behind the um, whole head shaving idea, and now, who
|
||
was it? Oh, that’s right, that’s right, it was you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> That was her idea, <b>I</b> just gave her a nudge.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> She said you gave her the razor!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> (joining them) Hey guys.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> So, anyone up for a midnight dip in the ocean?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ahh, no, I’m good.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> Okay, I’ll see you in a bit.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, have fun! Wooo!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Come on see, she doesn’t look that bad.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You can see the moonlight bouncing off her head! What the hell were you
|
||
thinking?!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don’t know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You don’t know?! Rach, you balded my girlfriend!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right! Ross, do you think it’s easy for me to see you with
|
||
somebody else?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Y'know, hey! You’re the one who ended it, remember?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, because I was <b>mad</b> at you, not because I stopped loving you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You still love me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Noo.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You still love me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, y-yeah, so, you-you love me!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Noo, nnnnn. What does this mean? What do you, I mean do you wanna, get
|
||
back together?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Noo! Maybe! I, I don’t know. Ross, I still can’t forgive you
|
||
for what you did, I can’t, I just, but sometimes when I’m with you I just, I
|
||
feel so...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I just, I feel, I-I just...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I feel...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross leans in and kisses her. They both look at each other for a moment, and then
|
||
embrace in a more passionate kiss, only to be interrupted by Joey and Chandler coming
|
||
outside.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Joey) Noo!! I don’t care! I’m not, I’m not gonna
|
||
playing one-on-one strip poker with you for practice! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel and Ross both stop kissing, and quickly step back from each other.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> But I made cards!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well! Good night. (to Ross) I’m going upstairs.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey and Chandler:</b> G’night.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel walks inside, stops, and turns back to look at Ross for a moment then goes
|
||
upstairs.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (to Ross) Wanna play strip poker for practice?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Phoebe Sr.’s house, Phoebe is breaking in through a window.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She throws her bag inside, and starts to climb through the window. She gets halfway in
|
||
and the window slams shut on her butt.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ow! My ass. Okay. Okay. (She manages to climb completely inside and the
|
||
window slams shut.) Oh, shhh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She starts walking across the darkened room and hits her head on a wind chime hanging
|
||
from the ceiling, to stop it from making a noise she grabs it and “Shhh’s”
|
||
it. She goes into the kitchen and finds Phoebe Sr.’s appointment book, to read it she
|
||
opens the freezer. Just as she starts to read, Phoebe Sr. jumps out from her bedroom with
|
||
a coat hanger, startling Phoebe.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No! No!! It’s me! It’s me! I-I didn’t want to make any
|
||
noise!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Then don't break in!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I’m sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> What are you doing here?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I-I, came to fill your ice cube trays.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, okay, okay, look. I took this picture from your fridge. Okay,
|
||
because I know that this is my Father. Yeah, this is Frank Buffay and you are standing
|
||
right there next to him. Now, look I deserve to know where I came from. All right? So if
|
||
you can help me find my Father then you should! Otherwise, you’re just mean! (pause)
|
||
So, just tell me the truth!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> All right, the man in the picture is Chuck Magioni. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> My Father is Chuck Magioni?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> No, no, that’s just Chuck Magioni, I-I sold him a house last
|
||
year! And I’m very sorry, but I don’t know where your Father is, and that’s
|
||
the truth.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> But umm, you’re right. I think that a person should know where
|
||
they come from. Wh-which is why I ah, (pause) ahh, (pause) okay. I’m your mother.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Heh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe Sr:</b> Y'know I wanted to tell you yesterday, but I just, I kinda felt all
|
||
floopy, and... </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(At that Phoebe’s eyes open in shock.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Outside the beach house, Ross is telling Joey and Chandler what happened with
|
||
Rachel.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I’m telling ya, you guys are totally getting back together!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s not true! Her, she doesn’t even know what she wants!
|
||
Rachel’s still mad about the whole thing.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, then you gotta back away, all right? You don’t need that
|
||
kind’ve hurt. Take it from a guy who’s never had a long term relationship......</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I know, but ahhhhhh!! I really wanna go up there and finish that kiss!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> (coming back from her swim) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ahhhh! (Steps away from her.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> You guys, the water’s great. You should really go in.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, ahh, no thanks, I just had an M&M.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> Okay, well g’night.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Good night.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bonnie:</b> (kisses Ross) Don’t be too long.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okey-dokey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> There is not <b>one</b> hair on that head.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, it’ll grow back, right? And she-she’s really fun, and
|
||
she’s cool, and-and I’m finally moving on. Y'know? I mean getting over Rachel
|
||
was so (makes an incoherent nasal sound), y'know? Y'know, and I’m finally feeling
|
||
sane again. And now if I go up there, and-and I kiss her, and, Gooood I wanna kiss her,
|
||
and-and-and it doesn’t work out, right? Do I really wanna put myself through that
|
||
again?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So let me get this straight. If you go with Bonnie tonight, you’re
|
||
doing the smart, healthy thing and moving on.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Right, and you go with Rachel, Bonnie’s free tonight?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The hallway between the bedrooms. Ross is coming upstairs and stops between two
|
||
doors. He looks at the one on the right, then he looks at the one on his left, thinks
|
||
about it, and goes in the one on his right.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering the bedroom) Hi. (closes the door)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>Closing Credits</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The beach house, Chandler is simulating he’s coming to pick up Monica for
|
||
a date. Chandler knocks on the door, and Monica answers it.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (in a fake voice) Hi there.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> That’s that weird voice again.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay! Okay! Let me try it again, you’re gonna wanna date this
|
||
next guy, I swear!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica closes the door, Chandler knocks, and Monica opens it to reveal Chandler on his
|
||
knees.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi! I’m Dorf! You’re date for the evening. (Monica walks
|
||
away in disgust) Oh come on! Dorf on dating, that’s good stuff!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>End</b></p>
|
||
</font>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |