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<title>The One Where Everyone Finds Out</title>
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<h1 align="center">The One Where Everyone Finds Out</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Alexa Junge<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is eating some Chinese food.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (looking out the window) Oh hey, you guys, look! Ugly Naked Guy is
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putting stuff in boxes!</p>
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<p>(They all run and join her at the window.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I'd say from the looks of it; our naked buddy is moving.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Ironically, most of the boxes seem to be labeled clothes.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, I'm gonna miss that big old squishy butt.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> And we're done with the chicken fried rice.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! Hey! If he's moving, maybe I should try to get his place!</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Good idea! Yes!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> It would be so cool to live across from you guys!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, yeah! Then we could do that telephone thing! Y'know, you have a can,
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we have a can and it's connected by a string!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Or we can do the <b>actual</b> telephone thing.</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Ugly Naked Guy's apartment, Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe are checking out the
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place. Luckily, Ugly Naked Guy is nowhere to be seen.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh my God! I love this apartment! Isn't it perfect?! I can't believe I
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never realized how great it is!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well that is because your eye immediately goes to the big naked man.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It's amazing! You better hurry up and fill out an application or I'm
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gonna beat you to it.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (laughing) Ohh. (Phoebe takes a couple of steps to the door and Ross
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quickly hurries out.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm gonna go use Ugly Naked
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Guy's bathroom. (Does so.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (looking out the window) Oh, look! There's Monica and Chandler! (Starts
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yelling.) Hey! Hey, you guys! Hey! (Chandler and Monica start taking each other's clothes
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off.) Ohh!! Ohh! Ahh-ahhh!!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (screaming) Ahhh!! Chandler and Monica!! Chandler and Monica!!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> <b>CHANDLER AND MONICA!!!!</b></p><b>
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</b>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> OH MY GOD!!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> <b>OH!!</b> <b>MY EYES!!!</b> <b>MY EYES!!!!</b></p><b>
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</b>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe!! Phoebe!! It's okay!! It's okay!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> <b>NO! THEY'RE DOING IT!!!</b></p><b>
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</b>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I KNOW!! I KNOW!! I KNOW!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> YOU KNOW?!!!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes, I know! And Joey knows! But Ross doesn't know so you have to stop
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screaming!!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) What's going on?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Phoebe and <b>Rachel:</b></b> Ohhh!!!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (trying to divert his attention from the window by jumping up and down)
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HI!! Hi! </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What?! What?!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Nothing! Oh God, we're just so excited that you want to get this
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apartment!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Actually, it looks really good. (Turns towards the window and now Phoebe
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starts jumping to divert his attention.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (Screaming incoherently.) Get in here!!! (Motions to join her and
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Rachel.)</p>
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<p>(Ross starts jumping and screaming incoherently and hops over and joins in on the group
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hug.) </p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe and Rachel are there talking about Chandler and Monica.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You mean whenever Monica and Chandler where like y'know doing laundry or
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going grocery shopping or<6F>Oh! All that time Monica spent on the phone with sad Linda
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from camp!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh-huh, doing it. Doing it. Phone doing it.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! Oh, I can't believe it! I mean I think it's great! For him. She
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might be able to do better.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey guys!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey! Come here! Come here!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What? What?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe just found out about Monica and Chandler.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> You mean how they're friends and nothing more? (Glares at Rachel.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No. Joey, she <b>knows</b>! We were at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment and we
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saw them doing it through the window. (Joey gasps) Actually, we saw them doing it up <b>against</b>
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the window.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, so now they know that you know and they don't know that Rachel
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knows?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yes, but y'know what? It doesn't matter who knows what. Now, enough of us
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know that we can just tell them that we know! Then all the lying and the secrets would
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finally be over!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Or, we could <b>not</b> tell them we know and have a little fun of our
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own.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wh-what do you mean?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well y'know every time that they say that like they're doing laundry
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we'll just give them a bunch of laundry to do.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohhh, I-I would enjoy that!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No-no-no! No-no wait Rach, you know what would even be more fun? Telling
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them.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ehhh, no, I wanna do Phoebe's thing.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I can't take any<6E></p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No! You don't have to do anything! Just don't tell them that we know!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Noo! I can't take any more secrets! (To Rachel) I've got your secrets.
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I've got their secrets. I got secrets of my own y'know!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You don't have any secrets!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh yeah? Well, you don't know about Hugsy, my bedtime penguin pal. (Joey
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shies away.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (To Phoebe) So umm, how-how are we gonna mess with them?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ugh.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, you could use your position y'know as the roommate.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> And then. I would use y'know the strongest tool at my disposal. My
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sexuality.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering) Hello children!</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, watch, learn, and don't eat my cookie.</p>
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<p>(She gets up and goes over to Chandler who's ordering some coffee from Gunther.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey! Ooh, wow that jacket looks great on you!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Really?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (feels his arm) Yeah the material feels so soft<66>hello Mr. Bicep!
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Have you been working out?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I try to y'know, squeeze things. (Phoebe giggles
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uncontrollably.) Are you okay?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, if you really wanna know, I'm<>Oh! I can't tell you this.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Phoebe, it's me. You can tell me anything.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well actually you're the one person I can't tell this too. And the one
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person I want to the most.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What's going on?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I think it's just y'know that I haven't been with a guy in so long and
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how sometimes you're looking for something and you just don<6F>t even see that it's
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right there in front of you sipping coffee<65>Oh no, have I said to much? Well it's just
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something to think about. I know I will.</p>
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<p>(She makes a show of bending over to get her coat and showing off her bum. She then
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walks out, leaving no one to eat her cookie.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler's bedroom, Chandler and Monica are there, of course. Like who else
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would it be, duh!]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You are so cute! How did you get to be so cute?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, my Grandfather was Swedish and my Grandmother was actually a
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tiny little bunny.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, now you're even cuter!!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know that is a popular opinion today I must say.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> The weirdest thing happened at the coffee house, I think, I think
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Phoebe was hitting on me.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What are you talking about?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I'm telling you I think Phoebe thinks I'm foxy.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> That's not possible!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ow!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I'm sorry it's just, Phoebe just always thought you were, you were
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charming in a, in a sexless kind of way.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, y'know I-I can't hear that enough.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I'm sorry, I think that you just misunderstood her.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, I didn't misunderstand, okay? She was all over me! She touched my
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bicep for crying out loud!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> This bicep?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well it's not flexed right now!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, and Chandler are there. Monica is
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entering from her room.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey Mon, what are you doing now? Wanna come see a movie with us?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Uhh, y'know actually I was gonna do some laundry.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey Chandler, wanna do it with me?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Sure, I'll do it with ya.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay great, hold on a sec! (She runs to her room and returns carrying a
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huge bag of laundry.) Oh, here you go! You don't mind do ya? That would really help me out
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a lot! Thanks!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I mean I-I don't I think I have enough quarters.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I have quarters! (She holds up a bag of quarters.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey Ross! Any word on the apartment yet?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I called over there and it turns out Ugly Naked Guy is subletting it
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himself and he's already had like a hundred applicants.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No-no, I got the edge. I know it's not exactly ethical but I sent him a
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little bribe to </p>
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<p>tip the scales in my direction. Check it out, you can probably see it from the window.
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(They all head to the window.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, is it that pinball machine with the big bow on it?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> That new mountain bike?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well what did you send?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> A basket of mini-muffins.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> But there's a whole table of mini-muffin baskets. Which one did you
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send?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> The small one.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?! You-you actually thought that basket was gonna get you the
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apartment?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well yeah! Someone sent us a basket at work once and people went crazy
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over those little muffins. It was the best day.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Your work makes me sad.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh man! I want that place so much!! I was so sure that was gonna work!
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There's twelve bucks I'll never see again! (Exits.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right honey, we'd better go if we wanna catch that movie.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Bye!</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Bye!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Bye Chandler! (She walks up to him.) (Quietly.) I miss you already. (She
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pinches his butt.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (after they've left) Okay, did you see that?! With the inappropriate
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and the pinching!!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Actually, I did!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, so now do you believe that she's attracted to me?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Ohhh, oh my God! Oh my God! She knows about us!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Are you serious?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Phoebe knows and she's just trying to freak us out! That's the only
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explanation for it!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (a little hurt) Okay but what about y'know my pinchable butt and my
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bulging biceps<70>She knows!</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Joey is snoozing with Hugsy, his bedtime penguin
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pal and Chandler and Monica come storming in.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering) Joey!</p>
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<p>(Joey quickly tries to hide Hugsy by throwing it over his head.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Phoebe knows about us!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well <b>I</b> didn't tell them!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Them?! Who's them?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Uhhh, Phoebe and Joey.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Joey!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> And Rachel. I would've told you but they made me promise not to tell!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh man!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I'm sorry! But hey, it's over now, right? Because you can tell them that
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you know they know and <b>I</b> can go back to knowing absolutely nothing!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Unless<73></p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No! Not unless! Look this must end now!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh man, they think they are so <b>slick</b> messing with us! But see
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they don't know that we know that they know! So<53></p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ahh yes, the messers become the messies!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is looking at Ugly Naked Guy's apartment through
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binoculars.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Noooo.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh Ross, honey you gotta stop torturing yourself!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, why don't you just find another apartment?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Look I've already looked at like a thousand apartments this month and none
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of them even compares to that one!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Y'know what you should do?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Huh?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You should find out what his hobbies are and then use that to bond with
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him. Yeah! Like if I would strike up a conversation about say umm, sandwiches. Or uh, or
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my underwear.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I'm listening.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (To Ross) See?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> That is a great idea! And! I know Ugly Naked Guy because we've been
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watching him for like five years so <b>that</b> gives me back my edge! Oh, let's see now
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he had the trampoline.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> He broke that.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, he had gravity boots.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, he broke those too.</p>
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> So he likes to break stuff.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, I've got to go pick up Ben but I-I will figure something out. (He
|
||
opens the door and stops.) Hey, didn't he used to have a cat?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I wouldn't bring that up, it would probably just bum him out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, poor cat, never saw that big butt coming.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Right. (Exits.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hello! (Listens) Oh yeah! Hey! Hold on a second she's right here! (To
|
||
Phoebe) It's Chandler.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (in a sexy voice) Oh? (Takes the phone from Rachel.) Hello you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hello Phoebe, I've been thinking about you all day. (He's holding the
|
||
phone so that Monica can hear it as well.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Eh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well you know that thing you said before, I'd be lying if I said I
|
||
wasn't intrigued.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, listen, Joey isn't gonna be here tonight so why don't you come
|
||
over and I'll let you uh, feel my bicep. Or maybe more.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I'll have to get back to you on that. Okay, bye! (Hangs up.) Oh my God!
|
||
He wants me to come over and feel his bicep and more!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Are you kidding?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I can not believe he would do that to Mon<6F>Whoa! (She stops suddenly
|
||
and slowly turns to point at Joey. Joey is avoiding her eyes.) Joey, do they know that we
|
||
know?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> They know you know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ugh, I knew it! Oh I cannot believe those two!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> God, they thought they can mess with us! They're trying to mess with
|
||
us?! They don't know that we know they know we know! (Joey just shakes his head.) Joey,
|
||
you can't say anything!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I couldn't even if I wanted too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Outside Ugly Naked Guy's apartment, Ross is knocks on the door and Ugly Naked
|
||
Guy answers it. He's ugly. He's naked. And he's holding a huge jumbo soda.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Good evening, sir. My name is Ross Geller. I'm one of the people who
|
||
applied for the apartment. And I-I realize that the competition is fierce but<75>I'm
|
||
sorry. I, I can't help but notice you're naked and (He claps his hands.) I applaud you.
|
||
Man, I wish I was naked. I mean, this-this looks so great. That is how God intended it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler and Monica and Rachel and Phoebe are planning
|
||
their respective strategies to break the other pairing. Joey is not amused.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (in the kitchen with Chandler) Look at them, they're-they're panicked!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yeah, they're totally gonna back down!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Phoebe and Rachel sitting on the couch.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right. All right! If he wants a date? He's gonna get a date. All
|
||
right, I'm gonna go in.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right. Be sexy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (laughs) Please.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She saunters over to Chandler with a mean pair of 'Come hither' eyes and she glares at
|
||
Monica.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So Chandler, I-I'd love to come by tonight.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (initially worried, but gets over it) Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh absolutely. Shall we say, around seven?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Good. I'm really looking forward to you and me having sexual
|
||
intercourse.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(As she walks away, Chandler mouths a scream to Monica. How motions and mouths,
|
||
"It's okay, it's okay.")</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (looking out the window) Hey-hey, check it out! Check it out! Ugly Naked
|
||
Guy has a naked friend!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They all run over to the window.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh yeah! (She gasps.) Oh my God! That is <b>our</b> friend! (Monica
|
||
covers her face.) It's Naked Ross! (Monica turns and buries her face in Chandler's
|
||
shoulder.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Yeah, it is! Naked Ross!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting Phoebe ready for her date.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Show time!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, Rachel, get me perfume!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay! (She runs to get some.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> And Joey, get me a bottle of wine and glasses? (He begrudgingly does
|
||
so.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(In the meantime, Rachel has returned with the perfume and sprays a mist out in front
|
||
of Phoebe who walks through the mist and does a little spin.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Chandler, Joey, and Ross's, Monica is getting Chandler ready for his half of
|
||
the plan.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, it'll be great! You just make her think you wanna have sex
|
||
with her! It'll totally freak her out!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, listen, how far am I gonna have to go with her?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Relax, she-she's gonna give in way before you do!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> How do you know?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Because you're on my team! And my team always wins!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> At this?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Just go get some! (Kisses him.) Go! (She runs to hide in the bathroom.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to the hallway, Phoebe is outside getting some last minute instructions from
|
||
Rachel.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (handing her the wine) Okay honey, now I'm gonna try to listen from
|
||
right here!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay? Whoa, wait! (She undoes one button on Phoebe's dress.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Good idea! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, oh wait! (She goes for another one.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh now, don't give away the farm!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe knocks on the door with the wine and Chandler answers it. Rachel hides next to
|
||
the door.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Phoebe.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Chandler.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Come on in.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I was going too. (They go inside and he closes the door.) Umm, I brought
|
||
some wine. Would you like some?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Sure.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She makes a big show out of pulling out the cork and pours the wine.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So, here we are. Nervous?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Me? No. You?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, I want this to happen.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So do I.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They click their glasses and take a sip. That sip turns into a gulp, which quickly
|
||
progresses into their mutual draining of their glasses at once.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I'm gonna put on some music.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Maybe, maybe I'll dance for you. (She starts doing a rather suggestive
|
||
and seductive dance that's silly at the same time.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You look good.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Thanks! Y'know, that when you say things like that it makes me wanna rip
|
||
that sweater vest right off!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, why don't we move this into the bedroom?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, do you not want to?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No. No! It's just y'know first, I wanna take off all my clothes and have
|
||
you rub lotion on me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (swallowing hard) Well that would be nice. I'll go get the lotion.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to the bathroom, Chandler is entering.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Listen, this is totally getting out of hand! Okay? She wants me to put
|
||
lotion on her! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> She's bluffing!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, she's not backing down! She went like this! (He does a little
|
||
mimic of her dance.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to the hallway where Phoebe is conferring with Rachel.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> He's not backing down. He went to get lotion.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering the hall) Oh man! Aren't you guys done yet?! I wanna sit in my
|
||
chair!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey look, just look at it this way, the sooner Phoebe breaks Chandler
|
||
the sooner this is all over and out in the open.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ooh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I like that! (To Phoebe) Oh, okay! Show him your bra! He's afraid of bras!
|
||
Can't work 'em! (He swiftly rips open the front of Phoebe's dress revealing her bra.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Joey! (Examining the dress.) Wow, you didn<64>t rip off any buttons.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> It's not my first time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to the bathroom.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You go back out there and you seduce her till she cracks!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, give me a second! (Pause) Did you clean up in here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Of course.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut back to the living room. Chandler slowly exits the bathroom and gets pushed from
|
||
behind by Monica and sees Phoebe closing the apartment door.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, you're-you're going?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, not without you, lover. (She slowly walks over to him and is
|
||
showcasing her bra.) So, this is my bra.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (swallowing hard) It's very, very nice. Well, come here. I'm very were
|
||
gonna be having all the sex.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You should be. I'm very bendy. (Pause) I'm gonna kiss you now.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Not if I kiss you first.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They move closer to together and Phoebe hesitantly puts her hand on Chandler's hip. He
|
||
puts his hand on her left hip but then decides to put his hand on her left hip. Phoebe
|
||
then grabs his butt. Chandler goes for her breast, but stops and puts his hand on her
|
||
shoulder.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do but-but kiss.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Here it comes. Our first kiss.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They slowly and hesitantly move their lips together and kiss gently. Phoebe has her
|
||
eyes wide open in shock and Chandler is squinting. He finally breaks the kiss after only a
|
||
short while and pushes Phoebe away.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay! Okay! Okay! You win! You win!! I can't have sex with ya!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> And why not?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Because I'm in love with Monica!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You're-you're what?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica comes out of the bathroom like a bolt, and Rachel and Joey both enter.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Love her! That's right, I<>LOVE<56>HER!!! I love her!! (They
|
||
walk together and hug.) I love you, Monica.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I love you too Chandler. (They kiss.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I just<73>I thought you guys were doing it, I didn't know you were in
|
||
love!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Dude!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> And hats off to Phoebe. Quite a competitor. (Pause) And might I say
|
||
your breasts are still showing.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> God! (She turns and buttons up.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right! So that's it! It's over! Everybody knows!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well actually, Ross doesn't.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, and we'd appreciate it if no one told him yet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey suddenly gets very angry.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Ross's new apartment, he is showing his boss, Dr. Ledbetter his new place and
|
||
new outlook on life.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> A new place for a new Ross. I'm gonna have you and all the guys from work
|
||
over once it's y'know, furnished.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Ledbetter:</b> I must say it's nice to see you back on your feet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well I am that. And that whole rage thing is definitely behind me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Ledbetter:</b> I wonder if its time for you to rejoin our team at the museum?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh Donald that-that would be great. I am totally ready to come back to
|
||
work. I<>What? (He notices something through the window.) No! Wh<57> What are you
|
||
doing?!! (Dr. Ledbetter is slowly backing away.) <b>GET OFF MY SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!</b> </p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<hr>
|
||
|
||
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|
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|
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|
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|
||
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