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<!-- saved from url=(0054)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season1/110monk.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With The Monkey</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="white" text="black" link="green" vlink="black" alink="yellow" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With the Monkey</h1>
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<hr align="center">
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<i>
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</i><p><i></i>Written by: Adam Chase & Ira Ungerleider<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">guineapig</a></p>
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<hr>
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<font size="3">
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to meet. </p>
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<p>(A monkey jumps on to his shoulder.)</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Oooh!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> W-wait. What is that?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> 'That' would be Marcel. You wanna say hi?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No, no, I don't.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so...</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Why don't you just get a roommate?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is
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kinda pathe- (Realises) ....sorry, that's, that's 'pathet', which is Sanskrit for 'really
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cool way to live'.</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing. Joey is not there.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs
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about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Might wanna open with the snowman.</p>
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<p>(Enter Joey)</p>
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<p><b><b>All:</b></b> Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> So, how'd it go?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> How could you not get it? You were Santa last year.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even
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jolly, it's all political.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> So what are you gonna be?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face,
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y'know?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's? (They all
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protest and hit her with cushions) Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Year's?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible
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pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can
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have someone to kiss when the ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so
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I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you. </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, you wish!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday.
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I say this year, no dates, we make a pact. Just the six of us- dinner.</p>
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<p><b><b>All:</b></b> Yeah, okay. Alright.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm. </p>
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<p><b><b>All:</b></b> Woooo! Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe, you're on.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, oh, good.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (Into microphone) Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular
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demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot
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to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:) </p>
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<blockquote>
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<p><em>I made a man with eyes of coal<br>
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And a smile so bewitchin',<br>
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How was I supposed to know<br>
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That my mom was dead in the kitchen?</em><br>
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(shakes bell) <em>La lalala la la la la lalala la la...</em></p>
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</blockquote>
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<p>(Cut to later. Everyone is totally depressed by now.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (Sung) </p>
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<blockquote>
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<p><em>...My mother's ashes<br>
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Even her eyelashes<br>
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Are resting in a little yellow jar,<br>
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And sometimes when it's breezy...</em></p>
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</blockquote>
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<p>(Over the sound of Phoebe singing we hear two scientists, Max and David, having a noisy
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discussion)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (Sung) </p>
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<blockquote>
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<p><em>...I feel a little sneezy<br>
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And now I-</em> (abruptly stops) </p>
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</blockquote>
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<p align="left">Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! (They stop talking and look up) Is
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it something that you would like to share with the entire group?</p>
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<p><b>Max:</b> No. No, that's- that's okay.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, c'mon, if it's important enough to discuss while I'm playing, then
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I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home with a note!</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> Noth- I was- I was just saying to my-</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Could you speak up please?</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> (Stands up and speaks more loudly) Sorry, I wa- I was just saying to my
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friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen in my- in my
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life. And then he said that- you said you thought</p>
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<p><b>Max:</b> Daryl Hannah.</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life
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and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I
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thought she had kind of a </p>
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<p><b>Max:</b> Hard quality.</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> -hard quality. And uh, while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional
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way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when you
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started yelling. (Sits down)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, we're gonna take a short break. (Goes over to their table)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, that guy's going home with more than a note!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is decorating for Christmas.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Come here, Marcel. Sit here. (Marcel wanders off)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean God, by my
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sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both my breasts! ...Ooh. Did I just
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share too much?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Just a smidge.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> David's like, y'know, Scientist Guy. He's very methodical.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I think it's romantic.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except
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he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the
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time. Day and night, and night and day... and special occasions... </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going, you're gonna
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ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the
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pact.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, could I just?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> C'mon, this was a pact! This was your pact! </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I'm not saying it was a good idea, I'm saying I snapped!</p>
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<p>[Joey enters, his shoes have bells on, which jingle as he walks. He is wearing a long
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coat.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hi. Hi, sorry I'm late.</p>
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<p>(He removes the coat to reveal an elf costume)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Too many jokes... must mock Joey! </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Nice shoes, huh? (He wiggles his foot and the bells tinkle)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Aah, y'killing me!</p>
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<p>(Marcel knocks over some kitchen tools)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Ross! He's playing with my spatulas again!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, look, he's not gonna hurt them, right?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Do you always have to bring him here?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright? We- we had our first fight this
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morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean,
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and he- he threw some faeces...</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know, if you're gonna work late, I could look in on him for you.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it seems like you're
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there to see him, okay, and you're not like doing it as a favour to me.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, but if he asks, I'm not going to lie.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Max and David's lab, David is explaining something to Phoebe with the aid of a
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whiteboard.]</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> ...But, you can't actually test this theory, because today's particle
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accelerators are nowhere near powerful enough to simulate these conditions.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, alright, I have a question, then. </p>
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<p><b>David:</b> Yuh.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Um, were you planning on kissing me ever?</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be
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(Writes YES on the board) yes. Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss
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that happened at this phenomenal moment, because, well, 'cause it's you.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Sure.</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal the kiss had to
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be, and now we've reached a place where it's just gotta be one of those things where I
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just like... sweep everything off the table and throw you down on it. And, uh, I'm not
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really a, uh, sweeping sorta fella.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, David, I, I think you are a sweeping sorta fella. I mean, you're a
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sweeper! ...trapped inside a physicist's body.</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> Rrrreally.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, yeah, oh, I'm sure of it. You should just do it, just sweep and
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throw me. </p>
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<p><b>David:</b> ...Now? Now?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh yeah, right now.</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> Okay, okay, okay. (Gets ready to sweep, and then picks up a laptop
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computer) Y'know what, this was just really expensive. (Puts it down elsewhere. Then picks
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up a microscope) And I'll take- this was a gift. (Moves it)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, now you're just kinda tidying. </p>
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<p><b>David:</b> Okay, what the hell, what the hell. (Sweeps the remaining papers off the
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desk and grabs Phoebe) You want me to actually throw you or you-you wanna just hop?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I can hop. (She hops onto the table)</p>
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<p>(They kiss, finally)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler has somebody, and Phoebe has
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somebody- I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> You know more than one Fun Bobby?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I happen to know a Fun Bob.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (Brings Joey a mug of coffee) Okay, here we go...</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ooh ooh ooh ooh, there's no room for milk!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (Glances at Joey and then sips his coffee) There. Now there is.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, so on our no-date evening, three of you now have dates.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh, four.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Four.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Five.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Five. (Buries his head in his hands)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Sorry. Paolo's catching an earlier flight.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. What's an elf to
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do?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, so I'm gonna be the only one standing there alone when the ball
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drops?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, c'mon. We'll have, we'll have a big party, and no-one'll know who's
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with who.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, y'know, this is so not what I needed right now.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What's the matter?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, it's-it's Marcel. He keeps shutting me out, y'know? He's walking
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around all the time dragging his hands... </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Really.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, we played, we watched TV.. that juggling thing is amazing.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What, uh... what juggling thing?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> With the balled-up socks? I figured you taught him that.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know, it wasn't that big a deal. He just balled up socks... and a
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melon...</p>
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<p>(Max runs in)</p>
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<p><b>Max:</b> Phoebe. Hi. </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, hi Max! Hey, do you know everybody?</p>
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<p><b>Max:</b> No. Have you seen David?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, no, he hasn't been around.</p>
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<p><b>Max:</b> Well, if you see him, tell him to pack his bags. We are going to Minsk.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Minsk?</p>
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<p><b>Max:</b> Minsk. It's in Russia.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I know where Minsk is.</p>
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<p><b>Max:</b> We got the grant. Three years, all expenses paid.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So when, when do you leave?</p>
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<p><b>Max:</b> January first.</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Max and David's lab, they are working. Phoebe knocks on the door]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hello?</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hi.</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> Hi! (Kisses her) What-what're you doing here?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Um, well, Max told me about Minsk, so (Puts on a fake cheery voice)
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congratulations! This is so exciting!</p>
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<p><b>Max:</b> It'd be even more exciting if we were going.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, you're not going? (Fake disappointed voice) Oh, why?</p>
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<p><b>Max:</b> Tell her, David. 'I don't wanna go to Minsk and work with Lifson and
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Yamaguchi and Flench, on nonononononono. I wanna stay here and make out with my
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girlfriend!!' (Storms out)</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> Thank you, Max. Thank you.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So-so you're really not going?</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just- you decide.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh don't do that.</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> Please.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh no no.</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> No, but I'm asking-</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, but I can't do that-</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> No, but I can't-</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It's your thing, and-</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> -make the decision-</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, um, stay.</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> Stay.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Stay.</p>
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<p>(He thinks for a moment and sweeps the stuff off the table)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Getting so good at that! (She hops on)</p>
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<p><b>David:</b> It was Max's stuff. (They kiss)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the party has started.]</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> I love this artichoke thing! Oh, don't tell me what's in it, the diet
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starts tomorrow! (Laughs her Janice laugh)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You remember Janice.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Vividly.</p>
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<p>(Someone knocks on the door; Monica gets it)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Sandy:</b> Hi, I'm Sandy.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Sandy! Hi! C'mon in! (She enters, followed by a young boy and a younger
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girl)...You brought your kids.</p>
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<p><b>Sandy:</b> Yeah. That's okay, right?</p>
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<p>(Joey and Monica look at each other and shrug. Ross enters with Marcel on his shoulder)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Par-tay! </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> That thing is not coming in here.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> 'That thing'? This is how you greet guests at a party? Let me ask you
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something, if I showed up here with my new girlfriend, she wouldn't be welcome in your
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home?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I'm guessing your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay. He was more embarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? And for him to
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have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened...</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Alright. Just keep him away from me.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Thank you. (She walks off) C'mon, Marcel, whaddya say you and I do a
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little mingling? (Marcel runs off) Alright, I'll, uh... catch up with you later.</p>
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<p>(The door opens. Rachel is standing there. Her coat is muddy and torn, her hair is
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dishevelled and her face is bruised. Everyone turns to look)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my gosh! Rachel, honey.. are you okay? Where-where's Paolo?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Rome. Jerk missed his flight.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> And then... your face is bloated?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman-
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this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her
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cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my
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hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as I'm
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going to get into a cab she tackles me. And I hit my head on the kerb and cut my lip on my
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whistle...oh...everybody having fun at the party? (To Monica) Are people eating my dip?</p>
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<p>[Time lapse. Monica and Rachel, fixed up somewhat, emerge from a bedroom]</p>
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<p><b>Sandy:</b> Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first
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time I ever mentally undressed an elf.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Wow, that's, uh, dirty.</p>
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<p><b>Sandy:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p>(They almost kiss and then Joey realises her kids are staring at them)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, kids...</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler) Look at him. I'm not
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|
saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in.</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> (Startles them) There you are! Haaah, you got away from me!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (Imitating) But you found me!</p>
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Here, Ross, take our picture. (Hands him a camera and he starts
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snapping) Smile! You're on Janice Camera!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Kill me. Kill me now. </p>
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<p>(Someone else knocks on the door. Monica looks through the spyhole)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey everybody! It's Fun Bobby!</p>
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<p>(Everyone cheers. Monica opens the door. Bobby is obviously very depressed)</p>
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<p><b>Fun Bobby:</b> Hey, sorry I'm late. But my, uh, grandfather, he- died about two
|
|
hours ago. But I-I-I couldn't get a flight out 'til tomorrow, so here I am!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (Approaching) Hey Fun Bobby! Whoah! Who died?</p>
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<p>(Monica gestures wildly behind Fun Bobby's back) </p>
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<p>[Time lapse. Bobby is talking about his grandfather. Everyone else is virtually in
|
|
tears]</p>
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<p><b>Fun Bobby:</b> It's gonna be an open casket, y'know, so at least I'll- I get to see
|
|
him again.</p>
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|
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<p><b>Janice:</b> (Ross is still taking their photo) Oh, I'm gonna blow this one up, and
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|
I'm gonna write 'Reunited' in glitter.</p>
|
|
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Janice... Hey, Janice, when I
|
|
invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we-</p>
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|
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Oh, no. Oh, no.</p>
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|
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I'm sorry you misunderstood...</p>
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|
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<p><b>Janice:</b> Oh my God. You listen to me, Chandler, you listen to me. One of these
|
|
times is just gonna be your last chance with me. (She runs off)</p>
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|
<p>(Ross is still taking photos)</p>
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|
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, will you give me the thing. (Snatches the camera)</p>
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|
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|
<p>(David is feeding Phoebe popcorn. Max walks up)</p>
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|
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|
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hi, Max!</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Max:</b> Yoko. (To David) I've decided to go to Minsk without you.</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>David:</b> Wow.</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Max:</b> It won't be the same- but it'll still be Minsk. Happy New Year.(Walks off)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Are you alright?</p>
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|
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|
<p><b>David:</b> Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine. </p>
|
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<p>(Phoebe leads David into a bedroom)</p>
|
|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You're going to Minsk.</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>David:</b> No, I'm... not going to Minsk.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. You can't stay here
|
|
just 'cause of me.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>David:</b> Yes I can. Because if I go it means I have to break up with you, and I
|
|
can't break up with you.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and
|
|
that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say
|
|
that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you
|
|
understand that?'. And I say (Hits him) 'no! No! I can't understand that!'.</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>David:</b> Uh, ow.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then you put your arms around me. And then you
|
|
put your arms around me. (He does so) And, um, and then you tell me that you love me and
|
|
you'll never forget me.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>David:</b> I'll never forget you.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because
|
|
you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. (They kiss) I'm gonna
|
|
miss you. You scientist guy.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Dick Clark:</b> (on TV) Hi, this is Dick Clark, live in Times Square. We're in a
|
|
virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square...</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>(Joey puts a blanket over Sandy's kids)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Joey:</b> There y'go, kids.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (To a woman who he has clearly just met) And then the peacock bit me.
|
|
(Laughs) Please kiss me at midnight. (She leaves)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Joey:</b> You seen Sandy?</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's in Monica's
|
|
bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Ooh, look at that, I did know how to
|
|
tell you.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Vrrbddy, the bll is drrbing.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><strong>All:</strong> (in the kitchen) What?</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Rachel:</b> The bll is drrbing!</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Dick Clark:</b> (on TV) In twenty seconds it'll be midnight...</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Chandler:</b> And the moment of joy is upon us.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Joey:</b> Looks like that no date pact thing worked out.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Everybody looks so happy. I hate that.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Monica:</b> Not everybody's happy. Hey Bobby!</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>(Bobby waves and then bursts into tears. Midnight comes and everyone at the party
|
|
except for the gang cheers and kisses)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know, I uh.. just thought I'd throw this out here. I'm no math whiz,
|
|
but I do believe there are three girls and three guys right here. (Makes kiss noise)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I dunno. I don't feel like kissing anyone tonight.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I can't kiss anyone.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Monica:</b> So I'm kissing everyone?</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Joey:</b> Nonono, you can't kiss Ross, that's your brother.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Ross:</b> Perfect. Perfect. So now everybody's getting kissed but me.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Alright, somebody kiss me. Somebody kiss me, it's midnight! Somebody
|
|
kiss me!</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Joey:</b> Alrightalrightalright. (Kisses him. Ross takes a photo) There.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
|
|
|
|
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse.]</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Ross:</b> (Watching Marcel and talking to Rachel) I wanted this to work so much. I
|
|
mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning
|
|
it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you
|
|
back.</p>
|
|
|
|
</font><p><font size="3"><b>Rachel:</b> ...I think that bitch cracked my tooth.</font></p>
|
|
|
|
<p align="center"><strong><font size="3">End</font></strong></p>
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|
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</body></html> |