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<!-- saved from url=(0053)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season1/119mga.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One Where the Monkey Gets Away</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="white" text="black" link="green" vlink="black" alink="yellow" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One Where the Monkey Gets Away</h1>
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<hr align="center">
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<p>Written by: Jeffrey Astrof & Mike Sikowitz<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">guineapig</a></p>
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<font size="3">
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</font><p align="left"><font size="3">{Transcriber's Note: The credits list two characters, Tia and Samantha,
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who I assume are the sweaty women Joey and Chandler meet. However, I don't know which is
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which, so I've simply called them Woman #1 and Woman #2.}</font></p>
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<hr>
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<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is talking to a customer.]</font></p><font size="3">
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon
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Stick, Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, wait, there's one more, um.. Lemon
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Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? (Guy shakes his head) Okay.</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Monica enters with some mail.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Mail call, Rachel Green, bunk seven.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thank you. (Examines it) Oh, cool! Free sample of coffee!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh good! 'Cause where else would we get any?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh. Right. ...Oh great.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What is it?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Country club newsletter. My mother sends me the engagement notices for
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'inspiration.' Oh my God! Oh my God, it's Barry and Mindy!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Barry who you almost...?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Barry who I almost.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> And Mindy, your maid of...?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Mindy, my maid of. Oh!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (Takes it) That's Mindy? Wow, she is pretty. (Sees Rachel's look) Lucky.
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To have had a friend like you.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are eating Chinese.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Marcel. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Good boy. Good
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boy. C'mere, gimme the rice. (Marcel brings the rice) Thank you, good boy. Well, I see
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he's finally mastered the difference between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the'. (Rachel
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ignores him) 'Bring me the' and- Rach?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, this is so stupid! I mean, I gave Barry up, right? I
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should be happy for them! I am, I'm happy for them.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Really.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No. Oh, oh, I guess it would be different if I were- with somebody.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Whoah, uh, what happened to, uh, 'Forget relationships! I'm done with
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men!' The whole, uh, penis embargo?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the right
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guy, y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat. With
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Paolo, that's all there was, was heat! And it was just this raw, animal, sexual...</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Wait-wait. I, I got it. I was there.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I mean, do you think you can ever have both? Y'know? Someone who's
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like, who's like your best friend, but then also can make your toes curl?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes. Yes. Yes! Yes, I really do! In fact, it's funny, very often, someone
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who you wouldn't think could-could curl your toes, might just be the one who...</p>
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<p>(Enter the other four)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> ...Gets interrupted. Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi, how was the movie?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Wonderful!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So good!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Suck-fest.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Toootal chick-flick.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I-I'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies with, like, y'know, guns and
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bombs and, like, buses going really fast...</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, I don't need violence to enjoy a movie. Just so long as there's a
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little nudity.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> There was nudity!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I meant <strong>female </strong>nudity. Alright? I don't need to see Lou
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Grant frolicking.</p>
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<p><strong>Monica and </strong><b>Phoebe:</b> Hugh! Hugh Grant!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Alright, I've gotta go. C'mon, Marcel! C'mon! We're gonna go take a bath.
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Yes we are, aren't we? Yes, we are.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> They're still just friends, right?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (To Marcel) And I will see you tomorrow!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> That's right, you're gonna spend tomorrow at Aunt Rachel's, aren't you.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, hang on, hang on. Does Aunt Monica get a say in this?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> 'Pwease, Aunt Monica, pwease?' Oh, unclench. You're not even gonna be
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there.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Joe-G's Pizza, the guys are there.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I can't believe we are even having this discussion.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I agree. I'm, like, in disbelief.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I mean, don't you think if things were gonna happen with Rachel, they
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would've happened already?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I'm telling you, she said she's looking for a relationship with someone
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exactly like me.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> She really said that?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I added the 'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for
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someone, and someone is gonna be there tonight.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> 'Tonight' tonight?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I think it's perfect. Y'know, it's just gonna be the two of us, she
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spent all day taking care of my monkey...</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I can't remember the last time I got a girl to take care of my monkey.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Anyway, I figured after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over
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there and, uh, try to woo her.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, y'know what you should do? You should take her back to the
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1890's, when that phrase was last used.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is taking care of Marcel and they are watching a
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soap opera.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Now, now the one in the feather boa, that's Dr. Francis. Now, she used
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to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're glad she's dying.
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Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh- Marcel, are you playing with
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Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo in the
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shoe? (Takes the shoe into the kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices the
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newsletter and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry.
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Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She leaves the apartment
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holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door open. Marcel runs out
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in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV and Rachel runs back in) Who died?
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Who died? Roll him over! Oh, c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter,
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right Marcel? Because- (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the
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open door)</p>
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<p>[Time lapse. Now everyone but Ross and Phoebe is back at Monica and Rachel's.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> How could you lose him?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Wait. He pooped in my shoe? Which one?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don't know. The left one.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Which <strong>ones</strong>?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh. Oh, those little clunky Amish things you think go with everything.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (Entering) Hey. </p>
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<p><strong>All:</strong> Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Whoah, ooh, why is the air in here so negative?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Rachel lost Marcel.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh no, how?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> He- he pooped in my shoe.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Which one?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Those cute little black ones I wear all the time.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, which <strong>one</strong>? The right or left? 'Cause the left one
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is lucky...</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> C'mon, you guys, what're we gonna do, what're we gonna do?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Alright alright. You're a monkey. You're loose in the city. Where do you
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go?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, it's his first time out, so he's probably gonna wanna do some of
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the touristy things. I'll go to <em>Cats</em>, you go to the <em>Russian Tea Room</em>.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, my, God, c'mon, you guys! He's gonna be home any minute! He's gonna
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kill me!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, we'll start with the building. You guys take the first and second
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floor, Phoebe and I'll take third and fourth.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, what'm I gonna do? What'm I gonna do?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone. Spray <em>Lysol </em>in
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my shoe, and wait for Ross to kill you.</p>
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<p>(They all leave)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Anybody wanna trade? Oh...</p>
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<p>[Cut to a hallway in the building, Monica and Phoebe are knocking on a door. Mr.
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Heckles emerges.]</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Heckles:</b> Whaddyou want?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Mr. Heckles, our friend lost a monkey. Have you seen it?</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Heckles:</b> I left a Belgian waffle out here, did you take it?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Why would you leave your Belgian waffle in the hall?</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Heckles:</b> I wasn't ready for it.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> A monkey. Have you seen a monkey?</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Heckles:</b> Saw Regis Philbin once...</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, thank you, Mr. Heckles. (They move off)</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Heckles:</b> You owe me a waffle.</p>
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<p>[Cut to Monica and Rachel's.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (On the phone) Okay, he's a, he's a black capuchian monkey with a white
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face... (Enter Ross) ...with, with Russian dressing and, and pickles on the side. Okay.
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Thanks.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey. How did, uh, how'd it go today?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Great! It went great. Really great. Hey, is that wine?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah. You, uh, you want some?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, I would love some. But y'know what? Y'know what? Let's not drink it
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here. I'm feeling kinda crazy. You wanna go to Newark?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh, okay, yeah, we could do that, but before we head off to the murder
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capital of the North-East, I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know how we
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were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff? (Uncorks the wine)
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Well-</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh God, Ross, I cannot do this.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, quick and painful. (Starts to cork the wine) </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh God... Okay. Alright. Alright. Okay. Ross, please don't hate me.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, what? What-what?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Y'know Marcel?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> ...Yeah?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I kind of... I kind of lost him.</p>
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</font><p><font size="3">[Cut to outside the window, with Ross reacting with disbelief. The shot pans back until
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we see Marcel sitting on the window ledge.]</font></p>
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<p align="center"><strong><font size="3">Commercial Break</font></strong></p>
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<p align="left"><font size="3">[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]</font></p><font size="3">
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (Angry) I- I- I ca- I can't believe this. I mean, all I asked you to do
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was keep him in the apartment.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know, I know, I'm sorry-</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No, y'know what, I guess it's partially my fault. Y'know, I shouldn't've,
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uh, asked you to start off with a monkey. I should've started you off with like a pen or a
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pencil.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (Tearfully) Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybody
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looking for him, and I- (Door buzzer goes and she runs to get it) Oh! Who is it?</p>
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<p><strong>Intercom:</strong> Animal Control.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> See? I've even called Animal Control!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> You called Animal Control?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh-huh... why... do you not like them?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Marcel is an <strong>illegal </strong>exotic animal. I'm not allowed to
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have him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him away from me.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> O-okay, now see, you never ever ever told us that...</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> That's right, I.. 'cause I didn't expect you were gonna invite them to the
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apartment!</p>
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<p>(A knock on the door. Rachel swiftly opens it)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi, thanks for coming.</p>
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<p><strong>Luisa: </strong>(Animal Control) Somebody called about a monkey?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, y'know what? That was a complete misunderstanding! (Ross puts his
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arms around her and they act all sweetness and light)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, we thought we had a monkey, but we-we didn't.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Turned out it was a hat.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Cat!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Cat! What'm I saying? Cat!</p>
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<p>(Luisa nods, but then Monica and Phoebe run in)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hi. We checked the third and fourth floor, no-one's seen Marcel.</p>
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<p><b>Luisa:</b> Marcel?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> My uncle Marcel.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, is that who the monkey's named after?</p>
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<p><b>Luisa:</b> Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is, uh,
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punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God. You'd put that poor little creature in jail?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Pheebs, you remember how we talked about saying things quietly to
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yourself first?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes, but there isn't always time!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Look. I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile this! Um, have a
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seat. First of all, we haven't been introduced, I'm Monica Geller.</p>
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<p><b>Luisa:</b> Oh my God, you are! And you're Rachel Green!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Luisa:</b> Luisa Gianetti! Lincoln High? I sat behind you guys in home room!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Luisa? Oh my God! Monica! It's Luisa!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> The Luisa from home room!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes!!</p>
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<p><b>Luisa:</b> You have no idea who I am, do you.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No, none at all.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> None.</p>
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<p><b>Luisa:</b> Well, maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring me. I mean,
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would it have been so hard to say 'Morning, Luisa'? Or 'Nice overalls'?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, I'm- I'm so sorry!</p>
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<p><b>Luisa:</b> Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems. (To
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Rachel) But you? What a <strong>bitch</strong>!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Be that as it may, d'you think you could just help us out here on that
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monkey thing? Y'know, just for old times' sake? Go Bobcats?</p>
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<p><b>Luisa:</b> I could... but I won't. If I find that monkey, he's mine. (Leaves)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Dun-dun-duuuur! Sorry.</p>
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<p>[Cut to another part of the building. We see Marcel jump in through a window and run
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down some stairs, then Chandler and Joey come down from the upper floor without noticing.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Marcel?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Marcel?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Marcel?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Marcel?</p>
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<p>(They come to a door and silently agree to try it. A very sweaty woman emerges)</p>
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<p><b>Woman No. 1:</b> Hi, can I help you?</p>
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<p>(Chandler and Joey are dumbstruck for a moment)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Um, we're kind of having an emergency and we-we were looking for
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something...</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> A monkey.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes have you seen any?</p>
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<p><b>Woman No. 1:</b> No. No, haven't seen a monkey. Do you know anything about fixing
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radiators?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Um, sure! Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob back the other way?</p>
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<p><b>Woman No. 1:</b> Of course.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh. Then, no.</p>
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<p>(Another sweaty woman comes to the door and speaks to her friend)</p>
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<p><b>Woman No. 2:</b> Did I put too much rum in here?</p>
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<p>(Joey and Chandler shoot each other glances)</p>
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<p><b>Woman No. 1:</b> Just a sec. (To Chandler and Joey) Hope you find your monkey. (She
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starts to shut the door)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, nononowaitwaitwaitnono! Uh... we may not know anything about
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radiators per se, but we do have a certain amount of expertise in the heating and
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cooling... mileu.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh, aren't we kind of in the middle of something here?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, but these women are very hot, and they need our help! And they're
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very hot.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> We can't, alright? (To the women) We're sorry. You have no idea how sorry,
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but... We promised we'd find this monkey. If you see him, he's about yea high and answers
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to the name Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you, you'd really be helping us
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out.</p>
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<p>(The women quickly shut the door)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, from now on, you don't get to talk to other people.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Marcel?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Marcel?!</p>
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<p>[Cut to Monica and Phoebe searching the basement.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Marcel?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Marcel?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Marcel?</p>
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<p><strong>Both:</strong> Marcel?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh-my-God!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Whaaat!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Something just brushed up against my right leg!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What is it?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, it's okay, it was just my left leg.</p>
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<p>(Marcel makes a monkeyish noise. He is sitting in the corner)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Look, Phoebe!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah! Oh, c'mere, Marcel! Oh, Marcel, c'mere!</p>
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<p>(Luisa appears on the stairs)</p>
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<p><b>Luisa:</b> Step aside, ladies! (She loads a gun)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What're you gonna do?</p>
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<p><b>Luisa:</b> Just a small tranquiliser.</p>
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<p>(In slow motion we see Phoebe look at Marcel, then at Luisa. She jumps toward Marcel
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just as Luisa fires the gun.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! (Marcel runs off and Luisa runs after
|
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him. Monica goes to check up on Phoebe) Are you okay?</p>
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|
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, think so. Oh! (She notices the tranquiliser dart has hit her in
|
|
the butt and removes it) Huh. (Sways back) Whoah.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh gosh.</p>
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|
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|
<p>[Cut to Marcel walking along a hallway. He notices a banana on the floor and picks it
|
|
up. The hand of an unseen person grabs him and carries him away. Then cut to Ross and
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Rachel on the street outside.]</p>
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|
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Marcel?</p>
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|
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Marcel?</p>
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|
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Marc- oh, this is ridiculous! We've been all over the neighbourhood. He's
|
|
gone, he's-he's just gone.</p>
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|
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross, you don't know that.</p>
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|
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh come on. It's cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. (Kicks a
|
|
sign in frustration) And now I have a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot!
|
|
Thank you very much.</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do?
|
|
You want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks the
|
|
sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! There, are you <strong>happy</strong> now?!</p>
|
|
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, yeah. Y'know, now that you kicked the sign, hey! I don't miss Marcel
|
|
any more!</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Y'know, it is not like I did this on purpose.</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, no no no. Nono, this is just vintage Rachel. I mean, things just sort
|
|
of happen around you. I mean, you're off in Rachel-land, doing your Rachel-thing, totally
|
|
oblivious to people's monkeys, or to people's feelings...</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross.</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Ross:</b> I don't even wanna hear it, you're just...</p>
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|
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|
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, forget it, okay?</p>
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|
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|
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross!</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Ross:</b> What? What?</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>(A man carrying a box of bananas walks past them. They stare for a minute and then
|
|
hobble after him)</p>
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|
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|
<p><strong>Both:</strong> Hey! Hey, Bananaman!</p>
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|
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|
<p>(Scene 4: Everyone in the hall outside Mr. Heckles' door. Ross is carrying the box of
|
|
bananas. He bangs on the door)</p>
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|
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|
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, this is so intense. One side of my butt is totally asleep, and the
|
|
other side has no idea.</p>
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|
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|
<p>(Mr. Heckles opens the door)</p>
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|
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|
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi, did you order some bananas?</p>
|
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|
<p><b>Mr. Heckles:</b> What about it?</p>
|
|
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Gimme back my monkey.</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Mr. Heckles:</b> I don't have a monkey.</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Then what's with all the bananas?</p>
|
|
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<p><b>Mr. Heckles:</b> Potassium.</p>
|
|
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|
<p>(There is a monkey-like noise from within and Ross pushes past Mr. Heckles and enters
|
|
his apartment)</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Ross:</b> Marcel? Marcel? Okay, where is he? Where is he? Marcel? Marcel?</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>(Marcel jumps into view wearing a pink dress. Everybody gasps)</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Ross:</b> Marcel! What've you done to him?</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Mr. Heckles:</b> That's my monkey. That's Patti, Patti the monkey.</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Ross:</b> Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon. (Marcel starts to go to him)</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Mr. Heckles:</b> C'mere, Patti. (Marcel turns round)</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Ross:</b> C'mere, Marcel. (Turns to Ross)</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Mr. Heckles:</b> C'mere, Patti. (Turns to Mr. Heckles)</p>
|
|
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|
<p><b>Luisa:</b> (Out of shot) Here, monkey. Here, monkey! Here, monkey! (Marcel runs to
|
|
the door and into Luisa's cage, which she slams shut) Gotcha.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, gimme my monkey back.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Mr. Heckles:</b> That's <strong>my </strong>monkey.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Luisa:</b> You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Mr. Heckles:</b> That's not my monkey. Just the dress is mine, you can send that
|
|
back whenever.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Ross:</b> Alright, I want my monkey.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Luisa:</b> No!</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, c'mon, Luisa!</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Luisa:</b> Sorry, prom queen.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Ross:</b> (To Rachel) You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't've been
|
|
fat.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming
|
|
queen and the class president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I
|
|
will lose one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but
|
|
please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here!
|
|
Take it!</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Luisa:</b> Nope.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Alright. Well then how about I call your supervisor, and I tell her that
|
|
you shot my friend in the ass with a dart?</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress
|
|
off Marcel.]</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Ross:</b> It'll be nice to get this off finally, won't it? Yes it will. (Marcel
|
|
resists) Or we can leave it on for now, that's fine.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Y'know, with the right pair of pumps, that would be a great little
|
|
outfit.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Ross:</b> Listen, I'm- I'm sorry I was so hard on you before, it's just I...</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, Ross, c'mon. It's my fault, I almost lost your...</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, but you were the one who got him back, y'know? You, you were great.
|
|
...Hey, we uh, we still have that, uh, that bottle of wine. You in the mood for, uh,
|
|
something grape?</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Rachel:</b> That'd be good.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Ross:</b> Alright. (He goes to get the glasses. Then he hesitates and turns off the
|
|
main light. Rachel looks round and he acts surprised) The, uh, the neighbours must be
|
|
vacuuming. (He sits down and starts to pour the wine) Well, so long as we're here and, uh,
|
|
not on the subject, I was thinking about, uh, how mad we got at each other before, and,
|
|
um, I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um...</p>
|
|
|
|
<p>(Barry bursts in)</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><strong>Barry:</strong> Rachel.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Barry?!</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><strong>Barry:</strong> I can't. I can't do it, I can't marry Mindy. I think I'm still
|
|
in love with you.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><strong>Ross and </strong><b>Rachel:</b> Oh!</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Ross:</b> We have got to start locking that door!</p>
|
|
|
|
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
|
|
|
|
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler are looking through Monica's
|
|
high school yearbook]</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Monica:</b> This is me in <em>The Sound of Music</em>. See the von Trapp kids?</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Nope.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Monica:</b> That's because I'm in front of them.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Eh. I thought that was an alp.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, high school was not my favourite time.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Joey:</b> I dunno, I loved high school. Y'know? It was just four years of parties
|
|
and dating and sex.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, well I went to boarding school with four hundred boys. Any sex I
|
|
had would've involved a major lifestyle choice.</p>
|
|
|
|
<p><b>Monica:</b> Gosh, doesn't it seem like a million years ago?</p>
|
|
|
|
</font><p><font size="3"><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh. Oooh! Ooh! Ooh! (She stands up and starts to dance around) Ooh! My
|
|
butt cheek is waking up! Oooh! Ooh!</font></p>
|
|
|
|
<p align="center"><strong><font size="3">End</font></strong></p>
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</body></html> |