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<!-- saved from url=(0053)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season7/717cwd.htm -->
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<title>The One With The Cheap Wedding Dress</title>
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<h1 align="center">The One With The Cheap Wedding Dress</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Teleplay by: Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen<br>
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Story by: Brian Buckner & Sebastian Jones<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Joey are there. Monica is holding a
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piece of paper.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> So the wedding caterer sent me this list of twelve appetizers and I have
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to narrow it down to six.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Food? Uh-huh gimme! (She hands him the paper.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> So did Monica tell you about this great band called the Swing Kings
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that we’re trying to get to play at the wedding?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Since when are you into swing music?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh since forever! I used to go all over town listening to bands!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Chandler.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> <i>Gap</i> commercial. (To Monica) So did you book them? Did you call?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I will.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Do you want me to call?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No, I’ll do it. You just stick to your job.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What is your job?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Staying out of the way.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> This is impossible Monica, why don’t you just pick all 15? (Hands
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back the paper.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> There were only twelve.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh yeah, I added three.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What are peanut butter fingers?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh yeah… (He mimes sticking his fingers into a jar of peanut butter,
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scooping some out, and eating it off his fingers.)</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: A Street, Chandler and Ross are at a newsstand.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (noticing a beautiful woman moving in down the street) Well hello!
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She’s cute! Should we uh, go try to talk to her?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Sure! That’s one of the great things about being engaged.
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I’m not nervous talking to pretty girls anymore.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>The Woman:</b> Could you guys help me? (Chandler shyly exhales and looks away.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh yeah! Let me, let me get that for you.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>The Woman:</b> It-it’s really heavy.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (exhales) I got it. (He lifts the box and grunts under the strain.)
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(Calmly) So hi, I’m uh, I’m Ross and this is my friend Chandler. (He shyly
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waves.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>The Woman:</b> I-I am Kristen.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Kristen, hi. Are you uh, new to the area, ‘cause if you
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are…I’d love to show you around sometime.</p>
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<p><b>Kristen:</b> I…I uh, actually just moved from four blocks over.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Ah.</p>
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<p><b>Kristen:</b> But-but this block is like a whole other world.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Y’know actually it does have a very interesting history. Uh, this
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street is the first street in the city to have an underground sewer system. (Kristen
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crinkles her nose at that.) Before that sewage and waste would just flow right down the
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street. Yeah, sometimes ankle deep! (He stops when he realizes what he’s talking
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about.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (To Ross) Smooth.</p>
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<p><b>Kristen:</b> (To Chandler) Excuse me? (Chandler does the shy thing again.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Umm, say you’re gonna be starving after all this moving. What do you
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say I take you to dinner tonight?</p>
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<p><b>Kristen:</b> Oh I’d like that.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah?</p>
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<p><b>Kristen:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Great! Uh, let me take this up for you. (The box he’s holding.)</p>
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<p><b>Kristen:</b> After you.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh no-no, after you. (She grabs a chair and heads upstairs.) (When
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she’s gone.) Oh my God! (He drops the box and Chandler can’t pick it up.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: A Bridal Shop, Phoebe and Rachel are waiting for Monica who is trying on her
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wedding dress.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (wearing a veil) Am I crazy or does this totally go?!</p>
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<p>(Monica enters from the dressing room wearing her gown.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God! You look so beautiful!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (To Rachel) Thank you Rachel but, look at Monica!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> This is it. Yeah, this is the one. I can’t believe I found it!</p>
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<p>(Another woman walks up.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>The Woman:</b> Wow you look so beautiful! If I knew you, I’d cry.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well I’m Monica Geller, ball like a baby.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>The Woman:</b> I’m Megan Bailey.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Have you found your dress yet?</p>
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<p><b>Megan:</b> Oh no, these dresses are all so amazing but there is no way I could
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afford one.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No, I can’t afford this either. No. I-I-I’m, I’m just
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here to
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figure out which one I want then I’m gonna get it at Kleinman’s, this discount
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place in Brooklyn, day after tomorrow they are having a huge sale.</p>
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<p><b>Megan:</b> Oh, thanks for the tip.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah! So-so when are you getting married?</p>
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<p><b>Megan:</b> Oh I’m not, I just like to try these on.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I do the same thing.</p>
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<p><b>Megan:</b> I’m just kidding. I’m getting married July 25<sup>th</sup>.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m just kidding too. (Laughs) I’m getting married in
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December. (Turns away not happy with herself.)</p>
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<p><b>Megan:</b> (To Monica) So when are you getting married?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh May 15<sup>th</sup>.</p>
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<p><b>Megan:</b> Oooh it’s getting close!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Megan:</b> So uh, who’s your photographer?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Jeffery.</p>
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<p><b>Megan:</b> We met with him. Did he show you the photos of the nude wedding he did?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> The best man? Wow!</p>
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<p><b>Megan:</b> I know! I almost called off my wedding. Oh, who’s your band?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, my fiancee wants the Swing Kings.</p>
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<p><b>Megan:</b> Oh, you’re so lucky. My fiancee wants the heavy metal band Carcass. </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, is that spelled with a ‘C’ or a ‘K’? Oh my God!
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It doesn’t matter; they’re both great!</p>
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<p>(Another woman walks past Rachel carrying a wedding dress.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh y’know what? Y’know what? Now that you know what you want
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you should go to Kleinman’s and get it half off. This place is so overpriced.</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>The Woman:</b> I own this store.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> So, does this (the dress) come in another color or… (The store
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owner walks away.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: A Street, Joey is walking by Kristen, who is still moving in.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (checking her out) Hi! You uh, movin’ in or movin’ out?</p>
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<p><b>Kristen:</b> I’m moving in.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh uh, can I give you a hand?</p>
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<p><b>Kristen:</b> Oh okay. But y’know what? Be careful. Because a guy who was helping me
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before had to leave because he hurt his back.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Boyfriend?</p>
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<p><b>Kristen:</b> No.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I’m Joey. (They shake hands.)</p>
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<p><b>Kristen:</b> Kristen.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh wow, what a beautiful name! (Pause) What is it again?</p>
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<p><b>Kristen:</b> Kristen.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Got it! (He picks up a lamp.) So…</p>
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<p><b>Kristen:</b> So uh, do you live around here?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah! Yeah! Right down there. (Points.) Hey listen; let me give you a
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little tip. Do not take a nap on this stoop (Points to hers) or you can wake up with your
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shoes gone.</p>
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<p><b>Kristen:</b> I’ll remember that.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay. Yeah. Listen would you uh, would you like to have dinner with me
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tonight?</p>
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<p><b>Kristen:</b> Oh I, I have plans tonight. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh.</p>
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<p><b>Kristen:</b> But how about tomorrow?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Sounds great! Okay, alright, well where does this go? (The lamp he’s
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holding.)</p>
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<p><b>Kristen:</b> You look strong, why don’t I take that and you grab one of the
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boxes.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay. Yeah. (She leaves and he goes to pick up a box marked books, but
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decides to take the box marked pillows instead.) Yeah, I’ll grab this one. (He
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follows her upstairs.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Kleinman’s, a horde of women including Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica are
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waiting for the store to open.]</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>A Woman:</b> What is taking so long?! I mean whatever!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (To Phoebe) So this is Brooklyn.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, listen up. There is usually only one dress in each size so
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when they open those doors, fan out. Now, this is what you’re looking for! (Holds up
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a picture of it.) Memorize it! When you locate the dress, blow on these. All right? (She
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passes out whistles to them.) Three short blasts. When you hear it, come running.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Got it.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> All right.</p>
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<p>(A worker comes to open the door and the horde starts to press forward.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>A Woman:</b> Here he comes! Hurry!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh they’re pushing! They’re pushing!!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (To Rachel) Hey! <b>Don’t</b> be a baby!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well I…</p>
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<p>(The door opens allowing the horde to charge in, knocking Rachel out of the way and to
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the ground.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>A Woman:</b> Let’s go!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (coming back out) Hey! Rachel! Come on!!!!</p>
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<p>[Time lapse, inside the store, Monica is frantically looking for her dress.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No. No. Not it. Not it. Not it. (Checks another rack and another woman
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tries to reach around her.) (To the woman) Don’t crowd me! (Finds it) This is it!
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This is the dress! Oh my God, it’s perfect! (She takes it off of the rack and someone
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has a hold of it on the other side of the rack and tugs on it.) I’m sorry, this
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one’s taken! (The other woman tugs harder pulling Monica through the rack.) Whoa!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Megan!</p>
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<p><b>Megan:</b> Monica!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You came?!</p>
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<p><b>Megan:</b> Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> This is my dress!</p>
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<p><b>Megan:</b> No!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes it is! You saw me wearing it!</p>
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<p><b>Megan:</b> And now you’ll see me buying it.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What? You freak! You wouldn’t even have known about this place if
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it wasn’t for me!</p>
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<p><b>Megan:</b> Look, you don’t want to fight me.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Maybe I do! I’m pretty feisty! (She blows the signal.)</p>
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<p>[Cut to Phoebe in another part of the store.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (hearing the signal) I’m coming! I’m coming! (She takes off
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towards the signal and almost knocks another woman over.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Woman:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p>(She hears another signal in another direction.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay! (Runs that way and hears another whistle blast.) Hey! (Heads the
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other way and hears another blast.) What do I do?!! (She runs in the second direction and
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finds that the whistling is coming from inside a rack. She moves the dresses out of the
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way to find Rachel curled up in a fetal position frantically blowing on the whistle.) What
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are you doing? (Rachel doesn’t stop.) Did you find the dress? (Rachel won’t stop
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so Phoebe pinches her nose shut which causes her to spit the whistle out.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Did you find the dress?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No! You gotta get me out of here Phoebe! These bargain shoppers are
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crazy!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I—We gotta get Monica. (She starts to leave.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No! You gotta hold my hand!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God!! (She grabs Rachel’s hand and drags her towards Monica.)
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Excuse me! Excuse me! (She’s knocking women and veils out of the way as she moves.) </p>
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<p>(She gets to Monica who has the dress balled up in one hand and is sitting on Megan who
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is sprawled out on the floor.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (handing Phoebe the dress) Go! Go! Go!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (seeing who’s trapped) Hey…</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> NOW!!!!!!!! (Rachel runs off and Monica gets up to follow her.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Ross are there.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> So Ross, how was your date the other night? Did you tell her about the
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magical ride that starts with the flush of every toilet?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Laugh all you want but uh, she actually left me a message saying
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she’d like to go out again.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Huh.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah in fact, I’m gonna go call her right now. And I’ll make
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sure to tell her my friend Chandler says… (He mimics the shy reaction Chandler did.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey Chandler!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Listen, sorry I didn’t stop by last night but I had a date.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Uh Joe, when it’s one o’clock in the morning and you
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don’t come by? That’s okay!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well check it out, I was with this really hot girl who just moved in right
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across the street!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Really? Right across the street?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> When’d you meet her?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Two days ago.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Excellent! Y’know Ross met somebody too!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh yeah?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (returning) Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi! How’d it go?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh great! We’re going out again Saturday. But I just found she’s
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also seeing some other guy.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (sarcastically shocked) Really?! Joe? What would you do if you were in
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Ross’s situation?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, I sorta am. I mean yeah, I’m dating this girl who’s also
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seeing another guy. But, I don’t know, I’m not too worried about it.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well you shouldn’t be. Believe me I wouldn’t want to be the guy
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who’s up against you. (Chandler laughs.) I mean that doofus is going to lose!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> So this is nice! I wish I didn’t have to go, believe me! But
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unfortunately I have to. (He gets up and Joey moves over next to Ross.) Oh uh, by the way,
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what’s the name of the girl you’re dating?</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Joey and <b>Ross:</b></b> Kristen Lang.</p>
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|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Bye! (Exits.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, time lapse from the earlier scene.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well obviously only one of us can keep dating her.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Obviously! So, how do we decide?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well now let’s-let’s look at this objectively, I think I should
|
||
date her…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (not buying it) Uh-huh. Uh-huh. <b>Or</b>, or I’m the one who dates
|
||
her.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s interesting, but check this out. I date her…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah-yeah I like that but just to go in another direction…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, okay. This can go on for a while.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah well we should order some food then.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No Joey! Look why don’t, why don’t we just let her decide? Okay?
|
||
Hey-hey, we’ll <b>each</b> go out with her one more time. And-and we’ll see who
|
||
she likes best.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (smiling) That sounds fair.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Maybe I’ll take her to that new French restaurant down the
|
||
street…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ah yeah—wait a second now! Look we’re gonna have to set a
|
||
spending limit on the date. I don’t have the money to take her to a fancy place like
|
||
that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well sorry, that’s what I do on dates.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, well I guess I’ll just have to do what I do on dates.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> So let’s decide on the spending limit…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah. Uh, (thinks)…a slice…(Thinks)…six dollars?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I was thinking more like a hundred.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay. Can I borrow 94 dollars?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel are admiring Monica’s
|
||
wedding dress.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I know. Hand me a tissue. (Monica hands her one.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel goes to the fridge, opens it, and blows on the whistle Monica gave her at the
|
||
store, which causes Phoebe and Monica to turn around and look at her.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You’re out of <i>Diet Coke</i>.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The phone rings and Monica answers it as Rachel goes into the bathroom.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hello? (Listens) What?! (Listens) You what?! (Listens) Hey you listen
|
||
here missy! (Listens) Wh—(She is hung up on.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> That was that girl Megan! She booked the Swing Kings on the day of our
|
||
wedding and said that I couldn’t have them back unless I gave her the dress!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (gasps) Does that mean Carcass is available?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What am I gonna do?! That is the dress! That is <b>the</b> dress!
|
||
Wh…Chandler wants the band. What do I do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well just figure out a way to talk him out of it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> How?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(There are three short whistle blasts from the bathroom.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You’re out of toilet paper!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is getting ready for his date with Kristen.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! What’s up?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I just wanted to come by and y’know, wish you good luck on your date.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh thanks!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah. What time are you meeting her?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> We have 8:00 reservations at Gramercy Bistro.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Wow, that’s in like 20 minutes. You’d better get dressed.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I am dressed.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh. Well good! (To himself) For me. (He picks up a jar of lotion.) What is
|
||
this? Did you give yourself a facial?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I have an oily T-zone!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay dude! (Finds a receipt.) Hey you uh, you sent Kristen flowers.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You spent a hundred dollars. That’s the limit. You’re screwed!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh actually, I sent the flowers before the actual date. So
|
||
technically, <b>technically</b>
|
||
I didn’t break any rules. Thanks for stopping by though.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh-oh! So that’s the way it’s gonna be huh? Yeah I can break the
|
||
rules too y’know!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh yeah? What are you gonna do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I don’t know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Why am I not surprised?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Y’know what Ross? I’m not gonna let you get away with this!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I don’t think you have much choice.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well we’ll see!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Bye-bye!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah bye-bye! (Exits and comes back in still holding the lotion.) Hey! So
|
||
just a light layer?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes. Yes. Just here (Runs his fingers down the bridge of his nose) and
|
||
there (Runs his fingers across his forehead).</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is entering without touching anything with his
|
||
hands. Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel are there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Joey got meat sauce on the banister again! (He goes into the bathroom
|
||
to wash his hands.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, swing music is so out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Phoebe, he’s gotta be in the <b>room</b> for that to work.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (returning) What are you guys talking about?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well umm, we were just talking about the y’know, the Swing Kings
|
||
and just wondering whether y’know, they were the right way to go.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, I went to a wedding once where they had swing music and uh, two
|
||
months later the couple got divorced. And now I’m not saying that there’s any
|
||
connection here y’know, but they did tell me that’s why they got divorced.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> But I love swing music!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah but the Swing Kings? Y’know they suck so much that people
|
||
actually die at their concerts—They just stop living.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look all I know is when Monica and I went to see them, we had fun! And
|
||
there’s another reason too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, what is the other reason?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don’t want to say.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well you have to because maybe it’s stupid.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well it’s just while Monica and I were dancing to them it
|
||
was…the first time I knew that…you were the woman I wanted to dance all my
|
||
dances with.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh crap!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Gramercy Bistro, Ross and Kristen are waiting for their table to be ready.
|
||
Ross is returning from talking to the Maitre d'.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> So they said our table will be ready in just a few minutes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kristen:</b> Oh great!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kristen:</b> Is your back feeling better?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh yeah it’s fine. I guess the more muscles you have the more they
|
||
can spasm out of control.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Kristen?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kristen:</b> Joey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kristen:</b> Hi! What are you doing here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh I like this place. And technically, technically I’m not breaking
|
||
any rules so I…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kristen:</b> Well uh, Ross? This is Joey. Joey? Ross.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi. (They shake hands.) It’s nice to meet you. I used to have a
|
||
friend named Joey. I don’t anymore.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kristen:</b> Our table will be ready in a couple minutes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah. So…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Sure! I would love to wait with you guys! Thanks! (Sits down.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> So Joey umm, you look familiar. Are uh, are you on TV or something?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kristen:</b> Well Joey doesn’t like to talk about it but, he’s one of the
|
||
stars of <i>Days Of Our Lives</i>.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s right! That’s right, don’t you play a woman?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> A woman in a man’s body.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Much better.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So y’know Ross it’s funny ‘cause, you look familiar to me
|
||
too. Have you ever been married?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well yes, yes I have. In fact umm, just the other day Kristen and I were
|
||
talking about how I’ve been married <b>and</b> how I have a son.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kristen:</b> Yeah, little Eric.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s right! Wait no, Ben.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So you’ve just married the one time then?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well umm…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kristen:</b> You’ve been married twice?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes. And another time after that. Boy I’m getting hungry! Hey Joey,
|
||
have you ever been so hungry on a date that when a girl goes to the bathroom you
|
||
ate some
|
||
of her food?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kristen:</b> You said the waiter ate my crab cake.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (laughs that one off) Yeah. So uh Ross, well now—why did that first
|
||
marriage breakup? Was it because the woman was straight or she was a lesbian?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kristen:</b> Do you two know each other?</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Joey and <b>Ross:</b></b> No. No.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No. It just seems like Ross is the kind of a guy that would marry a woman
|
||
on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Kristen is not enjoying this.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Wait a minute! Were you on a poster for gonorrhea?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Have you ever slept in the same bed as a monkey?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey you leave Marcel out of this!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Fine! Have you ever got stuck in a pair of your own leather pants?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey-hey have you ever locked yourself in a TV cabinet VD boy?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Monkey lover!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They both notice that Kristen has left.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> When do you think we lost her?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Probably around gonorrhea.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler is entering.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi, honey! I’m home!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (from the bedroom) Don’t come in here!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why? Do you have another boyfriend in there or something?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No! We only mess around at his place!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y’know it’s funny I started it but, now it’s
|
||
scaring me.
|
||
So could you come out here please?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No, I’m wearing a wedding dress.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh you got a wedding dress? That’s great!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah but I’m not keeping it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well then why can’t I see it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh. I guess you can. Okay but; I-I have to return it, so you can’t
|
||
like it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay I promise. I’ll-I’ll hate it. (She enters.) Wow!
|
||
You-you look…hideous.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, that’s like the most ugliest dress I’ve ever seen.
|
||
Wh-why do you have to return it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh because it doesn’t…really fit. Oh by the way, I-I booked
|
||
the Swing Kings.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh that’s great! Great! Thanks! But that dress I mean it’s
|
||
like yuck! It’s terrible! It makes me wanna just rip it right off of you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay! But you can’t rip it. Well, maybe a little.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Chandler, Joey, and Ross are watching a basketball game
|
||
on the couch.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering) Hey guys! Do you wanna look at the song list for the wedding?
|
||
(They ignore her.) Guys?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (without turning around) I thought you were gonna be gone all day.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Alright, what’s going on?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They all slowly turn around to reveal that they are giving themselves a facial.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I-I should probably leave you girls
|
||
alone. (She heads for the bedroom.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, laugh all you want but in ten minutes we’re gonna have younger
|
||
looking skin!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah! (Monica goes in the bedroom.) Y’know, she could use a
|
||
little…(Whistles that she needs to do what they’re doing.) (Something happens on
|
||
the game.) Oh nice shot!!! (They all cheer.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |