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<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season3/320towdh.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With The Dollhouse</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="white" text="black" link="green" vlink="black" alink="yellow" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With The Dollhouse</h1>
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<hr align="center">
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<p>Written by: Wil Calhoun<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Monica, Phoebe, and Joey are there.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Wait a minute, wait. You’re telling me this actress person is the
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only woman you ever wanted who didn’t want you back?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah! Oh my God! (to Chandler) Is this what it’s like to be you?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Wow, you’re really crazy about her, huh?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, you have no idea. And-and when we’re on stage I get to-to kiss
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her and-and touch her, but then she goes home with the director, and it’s like
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somebody’s ripping out my heart!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, it’s so <b>great</b> to see you feeling like this!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Monica, uh Dad called this morning and ah, Aunt Silvia passed away.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes!! Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> We were all pretty shaken up about it.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wait, am I missing something though? ‘Cause I thought death was
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something that’s supposed to be sad, in a way.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well ah, Aunt Silvia was, well not a nice person.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, she was a cruel, cranky, old bitch! (Ross gives her a look) (to
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Ross) And I’m sorry she died. Did Dad say I get the dollhouse?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> You get the dollhouse.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I get the dollhouse!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wow, a house for dolls, that is so cool! When I was kid, I had a barrel.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh, Pheebs, you had a barrel for a dollhouse?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, just a barrel.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know what, you can play with my dollhouse.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Really?! Really?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Any time you want. Y'know, when I was younger, all I wanted to do was to
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play with this dollhouse, but no!! It was to be looked at, but never played with.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> My Grandmother used to say that exact same thing to me.</p>
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<p align="center"><b>Opening Credits</b></p>
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<p>[Scene: Rachel’s office, Chandler and her are coming back from lunch.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey, Sophie!</p>
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<p><b>Sophie:</b> Hey, Rach!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Sophie:</b> Hey.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thanks for lunch, Chandler. Y'know, you didn’t have to walk me all
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the way back up here.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, that’s-that’s okay, no problem. (He starts to look
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around her office.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Honey um, honey, you do realise that we don’t keep the women’s
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lingerie here in the office?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, I realise that.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Summer catalogue! (hands him the catalogue)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> That’s the stuff! (quickly grabs it)</p>
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<p>[Rachel’s boss, Joanna, enters]</p>
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<p><b>Joanna:</b> Rachel, I need the <em>Versachi</em> invoice. (to Chandler) Hello! You
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don’t work for me.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (introduces them) Joanna, this is my friend Chandler Bing (to Chandler)
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Joanna.</p>
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<p><b>Joanna:</b> Bing! That’s a great name.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Thanks, it’s ah, Gaelic, for ‘Thy turkey’s done.’
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So ah, I’m gonna go, nice, nice meeting you.</p>
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<p><b>Joanna:</b> Me too.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Bye, Chandler.</p>
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<p><b>Joanna:</b> (to Rachel) So ah, what’s wrong with him?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, nothing, he’s just goofy like that, I actually, hardly notice
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it anymore.</p>
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<p><b>Joanna:</b> Oh no, no-no-no, is he ah, married, or involved with anyone?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No!! No! He’s not married, or involved, with anyone!</p>
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<p><b>Joanna:</b> Oh, Rachel, (pause) actually, y'know what, forget it.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I’ll ask him for you, if you want me too?</p>
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<p><b>Joanna:</b> Would you? Or, is it just to sad and desperate, and y'know something
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that Sophie would do?</p>
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<p><b>Sophie:</b> Uh, uh, uh, I am here.</p>
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<p><b>Joanna:</b> I know that.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is showing off her new dollhouse. It’s a huge
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dollhouse, that takes up the entire living room table.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Look at it! Ohhh! Wallpaper’s a little faded, that’s okay.
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Carpet’s a little loose. Hardwood floors!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hello.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh! Ooh! Oh Monica! It’s so beautiful.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I know!!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So, I’m here, ready to play.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I brought a bunch of stuff for the house, so check it out. Ha-ha. (She
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removes this large ceramic dog that comes up to the second floor and places it next to the
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house.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What’s this?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That’s a dog, every house should have a dog.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Not one that can pee on the roof.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, maybe it’s so big because the house was built on radioactive
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waste.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (holding a tissue) And is this in case the house sneezes?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, no, that’s the ghost for the attic.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I don’t want a ghost.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, nobody wants a ghost. But you’ve got one, because the house
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is sitting on an ancient Indian burial ground.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Wait a minute, the house was built on radioactive waste, and an ancient
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Indian burial ground? That would never happen.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, obviously you don’t know much about the U.S. government.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Hello.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I need to talk to you!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Sure, what’s up?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, sorry. I meant Chandler.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I-I know. Well if something comes up... (walks away)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, I'm glad you guys are past that little awkward phase.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, my boss, Joanna, when you left, she started asking questions about
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you...</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh-ho, liked what she saw, huh? Dug my action, did she? Checkin’
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out the Chan-Chan man!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (looks at him) That was (pause) surreal. Okay, what do think? Are you
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interested at all?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, she seemed cool, attractive. I’ll do it.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh thank you, Chandler, this is so great, she’s gonna love me.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (holding a dinosaur) Okay, dinosaur attack!! Quick, everybody into the
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house!! Ahh-ahh! (the dinosaur starts attacking the house. She starts to bark like a dog.)
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Roof! Rrroof-roof-roof!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, Phoebe, y'know what? That-that’s it, that’s it, all
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right? No dinosaurs, no ghosts, no giant dogs, okay? They’re not the right size,
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they’re not Victorian, and they just don’t go.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, (starts to pack up her stuff) fine. Come dinosaur, we’re not
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welcome in the house of no imagination.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh, Pheebs, while we’re hovering around the subject. I just have to
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say dinosaurs, they-they don’t go, rrroof!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> The little ones do.</p>
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<p>[Scene: The Theatre, Joey and Kate are getting ready to rehearse the play.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, Kate!</p>
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<p><b>Kate:</b> Morning.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Listen, I ah, went to that restaurant that you were talking about last
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week...</p>
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<p><b>The Director:</b> Hey, lovely! Come, talk to me a minute! (she goes over to him)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (to himself) And I ate the food, I had the fish, it was good, yeah. It was
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good, yeah...</p>
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<p><b>Woman:</b> Hi, oh, I’m Lauren, Kate’s understudy.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, hey! Joey Tribbiani.</p>
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<p><b>Lauren:</b> I know! I-I’m a big fan of yours.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (looks at her, shocked) What?!</p>
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<p><b>Lauren:</b> I used to umm, schedule my classes so I could watch Dr. Drake Remoray on
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<i>Days of Our Lives</i>.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Get out of here, really?!</p>
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<p><b>Lauren:</b> Absolutely!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah? </p>
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<p><b>Lauren:</b> Oh but then, they went and dropped you down that elevator shaft.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> They gave me the shaft all right.</p>
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<p><b>Lauren:</b> (laughing) Oh, you’re so funny. Listen, umm, what are you doing
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after rehearsals? Do you want to get a drink, or something?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well Ahh, (he sees Kate and the director kissing) yeah! Yeah, sure, a
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drink sounds great.</p>
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<p><b>Lauren:</b> Cool! I-I’ll see you then.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right.</p>
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<p><b>The Director:</b> All right, it’s time to act, my talking props. (Both Joey and
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Kate just look at each other.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is entering with her own dollhouse, that she made
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herself.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey! </p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Look everybody, look at my new dollhouse!!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wow!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Look, look! (She lifts up the roof, and the front panel falls revealing
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the interior.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, what’s this?!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, okay, it’s the slide instead of stairs. Watch this. (She slides
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a doll down the slide)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> It’s very interesting, Phoebe.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What’s this?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> The Licorice Room, you can eat all the furniture. And, when guests come
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over, they can stay on the tootsie roll-away bed.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> This is the coolest house ever!!</p>
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<p>(Monica is looking on with a hurt expression on her face.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey, does anybody want to join me in the aroma room? (lights some
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incense)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I would!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey, guys, guys, did you see my new, china cabinet?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross and Rachel:</b> Uh-huh.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Watch, watch. (She turns a strand of Christmas lights strung around the
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house.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross and Rachel:</b> Ooohhhh!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> And, and! (She turns on a bubble maker.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross and Rachel:</b> Ahhhh!!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering) Hey, my Father’s house does that!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (to Chandler) O-o-o-okay, how did it go? Tell me everything.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, the movie was great, dinner was great, and there’s nothing
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like a cool, crisp New York evening. </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hmm.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Of course, I didn’t get to enjoy any of that, because
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Joanna’s such a <b>big, dull dud</b>!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Rachel’s office, Joanna’s telling Rachel, her side of the story.]</p>
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<p><b>Joanna:</b> Chandler is fantastic!!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!</p>
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<p><b>Joanna:</b> Oh God, we just clicked! Y’know how people just click? Like he came
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by to pick me up, and I opened the door, and it was just like, click! Did he tell you?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, I....</p>
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<p><b>Joanna:</b> Oh, and he’s got such a good heart! Doesn’t he have a good
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heart?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, I know...</p>
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<p><b>Joanna:</b> Oh, I know and he’s soo sweet! Listen, he said he was going to
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call, so put him straight through.</p>
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<p><b>Sophie:</b> Isn’t this great?!</p>
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<p><b>Joanna:</b> Don’t spoil it.</p>
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<p>[Scene: The Theatre, Joey and Kate are rehearsing.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Come on baby, don’t go. Please? What do you say?</p>
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<p>[A phone rings.]</p>
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<p><b>The Director:</b> (answering the phone) Hello. Oh! It’s you. Just ah, just
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one-one sec. (to Joey and Kate) I am going to take this call. When I continue, I hope that
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there will appear on stage this magical thing that in the theatre we call, <b>committing
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to the moment</b>! (He goes to take the call.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (to Kate) That guy’s like a cartoon. What do you see in him anyway?</p>
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<p><b>Kate:</b> He happens to be brilliant. Which is more than I can say for that sweater
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you’re dating.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, I’m not interested in her sweater! It’s what’s
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underneath her sweater that counts. And besides, since ah, since when do you care who
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I’m going out with?</p>
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<p><b>Kate:</b> I don’t care. Why, do you want me to care?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Do you want me to want you to care?</p>
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<p><b>Kate:</b> Do you?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>The Director:</b> (returning) Okay, I’m afraid to say this, but let’s pick
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it up where we left off.</p>
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<p>[They resume rehearsing.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Come on baby, don’t go. Please? What do you say?</p>
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<p><b>Kate:</b> I’ve got no reason to stay. </p>
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<p>(Joey grabs her and kisses her.)</p>
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<p><b>The Director:</b> Stop!! Stop it! You must stop! You are bad actors! This is a
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terrible play! I’ll see you in the morning. (exits)</p>
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<p><b>Kate:</b> I can’t believe we go on in, in a week.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, it’s gonna be all right.</p>
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<p><b>Lauren:</b> (to Joey) Hey! So since we’re getting off early, do you want to go
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and paint mugs?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Lauren:</b> You know! At the place I told you about last night?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, yeah, with the mug painting. Yeah. I was so listening to that. But ah,
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y'know what, I think I kinda need to work on my stuff tonight.</p>
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<p><b>Lauren:</b> Oh, okay.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay. (he gives her a peck on the cheek)</p>
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<p><b>Lauren:</b> I’ll see you tomorrow. (she kisses him full on the mouth.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Lauren:</b> G’night. (exits)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (to Kate) Ah, are you okay?</p>
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<p><b>Kate:</b> Yeah, I guess. Look, what are we gonna do about this scene, huh?</p>
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|
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I don’t know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kate:</b> Well umm, maybe if it had more heat.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> How do you mean?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kate:</b> Well, Adrian’s looking for a reason to stay, right? Victor can’t
|
||
just kiss her, he’s gotta, gotta really give her a reason, y'know?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Maybe he could slip her the tongue.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kate:</b> Or maybe, maybe he could grab her, and, and, and, and lift her up.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, yeah, and then Adrian, she maybe she could wrap her legs around his
|
||
waist.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kate:</b> And then she could rip off his shirt and kiss his chest, and, and his
|
||
stomach!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> And then, then he could use his teeth, his teeth to undo her dress, and,
|
||
and, and bite her!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kate:</b> And then right, right when the scene ends, he could take her with this
|
||
raw, animal....</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[cut to Joey’s bedroom, Joey and Kate are emerging from under the covers.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Something like that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kate:</b> Yeah, that’s pretty much what I had in mind.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>Commercial Break</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Monica are eating breakfast as Joey enters, very
|
||
happily.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (to Ross) Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (to Monica) Hey. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He walks up behind Monica and gives her a big hug and a kiss on the neck.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He walks over behind Ross, thinks about it for a moment, and gives him a big hug.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> It’s a little early to be drinkin’.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No-no, things ah, finally happened with Kate.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ohhhhh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You’re kidding?! That’s great!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, it was so amazing. After the (pause) love making...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yep. I just, I just watched her sleep for like hours, just breathing in
|
||
and breathing out. And then I knew she was dreaming ‘cause, ‘cause her eyes keep
|
||
going like this. (He closes his eyes and moves them around, kinda like he’s been
|
||
processed by the devil, or something.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering with Rachel) I’m telling ya, Joanna’s got it all
|
||
wrong. Okay? All I said was, ‘This was fun. Let’s do it again sometime.
|
||
I’ll give you a call.’</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, gee. I wonder why she thinks you’re going to call her?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> That’s what you say at the end of a date.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You can’t just say, ‘Nice to meet you, good night?’</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> To her face? Look it’s the end of the date, I’m standing
|
||
there, I know all she’s waiting for is for me to say ‘I’ll call her’
|
||
and it’s just y'know, comes out. I can’t help it, it’s a compulsion.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Come on Rach, when a guy says he’s going to call, it doesn’t
|
||
mean he’s going to call. Hasn’t it ever happened to you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, they always called.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hmm, bite me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Rachel’s office.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joanna:</b> (entering) Did he call?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No. Sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joanna:</b> Why?! Why?! He said he’d call. Why hasn’t he called?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Sophie:</b> Maybe he’s intimated by really smart, strong, successful women.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joanna:</b> Sophie, would you please climb out of my butt. Why hasn’t he
|
||
called, Rachel? Why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, okay. Umm, well ah, maybe he, maybe he feels awkward because you
|
||
are my boss.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joanna:</b> Awkward? Why should he feel awkward?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joanna:</b> The only person that should feel awkward is you, and you didn’t
|
||
tell him not to call me, did you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No. I...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joanna:</b> Because if you feel uncomfortable with your friend dating someone you
|
||
work for, there are always ways to fix...that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler is reading a magazine as Rachel approaches.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (grabbing the magazine out of his hands) Call her! Call her now!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Multiple, so many paper cuts.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Why hasn’t he called Rachel? Why? Why? I don’t understand.
|
||
Why? He said he’ll call. Why? Why? Chandler I’m telling you she has flipped out,
|
||
she’s gone crazy!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (sarcastic) Oh, well give me the phone then.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Come on, this isn’t funny. She thinks it’s my fault that you
|
||
haven’t called her. You have to call her!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, you can’t call somebody after this long just to say,
|
||
‘In case you didn’t notice, I don’t like you!’</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well then you’re going to have to take her out again.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Nooo!! She’s really dull! And she gets this gross mascara goop
|
||
thing in the corner of her eye!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don’t care! I don’t care! You are going to have to take her
|
||
out again and end it, and end it in way that she knows it’s actually ended. And, I
|
||
don’t care how hard it is for you, do not tell her that you will call her again!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right! Fine! But it’s just a lunch date, no more than an
|
||
hour! And from now on I get my own dates, I don’t want you setting me up with anybody
|
||
ever again!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> That’s fine!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> That’s just a lot of big talk, y'know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is entering.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Mon?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (from the bathroom) I’m in the shower!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[He closes the door and walks over to get something from the fridge. He starts to smell
|
||
something and turns around to see Phoebe’s dollhouse smoking. He runs over and takes
|
||
off the roof to reveal that the dollhouse fire.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, fire! There, there’s a fire! Fire!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[He tries to blow it out, and obviously, it doesn’t work. He runs over to the sink
|
||
to get a glass of water to put out the fire, but since Monica is in the shower the water
|
||
pressure is very low and takes a long time to fill the glass. In desperation he takes the
|
||
half full glass over and dumps it on the fire, it doesn’t work. He then picks up the
|
||
dollhouse and considers bringing it over to the sink, but decides to take it into the
|
||
bathroom and use the shower to put it out. He kicks open the door and we hear Monica
|
||
scream at the top of her lungs.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Theatre, Kate is arriving for rehearsal.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kate:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So I ah, talked to Lauren, kinda told her how things were with us. Did you
|
||
ah, did you talk to Marshall?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kate:</b> About what?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Y'know, about what happened with us.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kate:</b> Nooo. And there’s really no reason he should find out, so ah
|
||
let’s not make a big deal about it, okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What are you talking about? It was a big deal. I mean, come on you
|
||
can’t tell me last night didn’t mean something to you. I-I was there,
|
||
you’re not that good an actress.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kate:</b> Look umm, I, I was, I was just caught up in the moment. That’s all it
|
||
was. Joey, I’m-I’m sorry you feel bad, but haven’t you ever sleep with a
|
||
women where it meant more to her than it did to you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Nooo.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Lauren:</b> (entering) Hi, Kate!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Kate:</b> Hi, Lauren.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hi, Lauren.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Lauren:</b> Hi, pig!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Ross are inspecting the damage to the
|
||
dollhouse.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Sorry I ah, I scared you in there.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, that’s okay. By the way, I was just checking the shower
|
||
massager.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (runs over to her) I tried to reach you at work. There’s....been a
|
||
fire.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?! Oh my... (sees the remains of the house) Oh my God!! What
|
||
happened?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, we believe it originated here. (He uses a pointer and points to the
|
||
point of origin.) In the Aroma Room.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right. Did everyone get out okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, the giraffe’s okay. And so is the pirate.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ohh. What is this? (She sees a tissue covering something, and moves to
|
||
remove it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No Phoebe, don’t look! You don’t want to see what’s under
|
||
there!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (She pauses to ready herself, and removes the tissue.) Ohh, the-the
|
||
Foster puppets! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She picks up a charred piece of plastic that once was the Foster puppets, and starts
|
||
to break down. Monica goes over and comforts her.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Rachel’s office, Chandler and Joanna are returning from their lunch date.
|
||
He is telling her about her mascara problem. Rachel is already there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> It’s not a big deal. It’s, just it’s right here,
|
||
(points to his eye) and it’s all the time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joanna:</b> Well, thanks again for lunch.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (He looks over at Rachel, who nods her head) Yes, this, this was
|
||
pleasant.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel is slowing trying to leave and let them talk.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joanna:</b> It was, wasn’t it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> The food there was, was great.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joanna:</b> Wasn’t it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So take care.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joanna:</b> You too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, this was great. I’ll give you a call. We should do it again
|
||
sometime. (Rachel is disappointed) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joanna:</b> Great! I’m looking forward to it. Rachel, any messages?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Sophie’s desk.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Chandler starts to leave ashamed of himself, but Rachel stops him in the hallway.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (whispering) Chandler!! Are you gonna call her!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Noo! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Chandler!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, I’m sorry. Okay? I’m weak, and pathetic, and sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, you are going to tell her and you’re going to tell her now.
|
||
(She grabs his nipple and starts to twist it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ahhhh—I’m not going to call you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joanna:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I’m sorry. I’m-I’m-I’m sorry that I said I was
|
||
going to when I’m not. Look, this has nothing to do with you, y'know? And this
|
||
isn’t Rachel’s fault. It’s me. I have serious, serious problems when it
|
||
comes to women. I have issues with commitment, intimacy, (pause) mascara goop. And
|
||
I’m really sorry, it’s just that this is not, this isn’t going to work out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joanna:</b> Well, this isn’t how I was hoping how this would end, but I guess I
|
||
have to appreciate your honesty.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, o-okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joanna:</b> So...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well this is great! I’ll give you a call! We should do it again
|
||
sometime!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel is shocked, and holds her arms out in disbelief.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>Closing Credits</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is talking on the phone.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (on phone) Well, so anyway Beth, what I’m saying is I should’ve
|
||
considered your feelings before I went home with you that night. I’ve ah, I’ve
|
||
recently learned what’s it like to be on your side of it, and I’m sorry. So, do
|
||
you think you can forgive me? (listens) Great. Thanks. Okay, bye. (He sits down and
|
||
crosses out something, and dials the phone again.) Hello, Jennifer? (listens) Oh hi, Mrs.
|
||
Loreo, is Jennifer there? (listens) Oh, she’s not home huh? (listens) Well ah,
|
||
actually I kinda need to talk to you too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>End</b></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |