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<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season4/416party.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With The Fake Party</title>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With The Fake Party</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Teleplay by Shana Goldberg-Meehan & Scott Silveri <br>
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Story by Alicia Sky Varinaitis<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are
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there. Phoebe is stressing out about something.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What is it hon?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I-I can’t find anything that I want to eat! Everything I eat makes
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me nauseous! I’m telling you, being pregnant is no piece of cake—ooh! Cake!
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(Chandler shrugs, and Phoebe grimaces.) No.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Aww, honey I’m sorry.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> God! Ooh! What is that smell? It’s coming from the bathroom. Ooh!
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(She goes to the bathroom.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Wow! Pregnancy does give you some weird cravings.</p>
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<p>[Cut to the bathroom, Joey is taking a shower and Phoebe knocks on the door.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It’s me. It’s Phoebe. Listen there’s something in here I
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want to eat, what-what smells so good?</p>
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<p>(Joey sticks his head out of the shower curtain.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Is it the shampoo? It’s guava.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (she smells his head) No!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh! Wait-wait! (Reaches inside the shower.) Is it my bologna sandwich?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yes. Yes. Yes. I can’t believe it! The baby wants bologna! Maybe he
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wants me to eat meat? I can’t eat meat!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, wait-wait! (Reaches into the shower again.) Maybe it’s a pickle?!</p>
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<p>(Phoebe grimaces at the smell.)</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Monica, Joey and Rachel are there. Rachel is writing
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something on a pad, and then crumples it up and throws it on the floor.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What are you writing?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, Joshua’s coming in tomorrow and since I don’t have the
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guts to ask him out, I’m going to sell him a coat and put this note in the pocket.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yeah? (He grabs the pad and starts reading it.) Joshua, give me a
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call sometime, guys like you (Pause) never go out of style—what did you throw away?</p>
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<p>(Ross and Emily enter.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi guys!</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, what have you guys been up too?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, we went to see a collection of Victorian doorknobs and the
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Cupert-Hewitt museum.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Without me?!</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> My uncle dragged us there. But, it actually it turned out to be really
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interesting.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> They were so ornate and beautiful, I mean look at that! (Shows them a
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doorknob she has.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I don’t know how museums work in England but, here, you’re not
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supposed to take stuff.</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> I uh, I got it from the gift shop. They have really lax security there.
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(Chandler is shocked.) It’s a joke. (They all laugh.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Bye. (They kiss.)</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> Right, I’ve got to be off, I’ll see ya. Buh-bye then. (She
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leaves.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Wow! You guys seem to be having a good time.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh yeah, she’s-she’s amazing. And-and she’s so much fun.
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And! Y’know what? When I’m with her, I’m fun! I even signed up for
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helicopter classes. (Chandler is shocked.) She’s leaving in two days, I don’t
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have to do it.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh no, two days, you must be bummed.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, she’s got to go back to London. But you know what? I’ve
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been prepared for this from the start. We both knew we had two weeks together, and
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that’s it. Y’know.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey that’s what all my relationships are like.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, but in Ross’s case, they <b>both</b> know in two weeks
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that’s it.</p>
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<p>(Phoebe enters.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Pheebs!</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (starts rubbing her belly) Hello! Hello!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (angered by the rubbing) Yes! I know! I know! Yeah! So the baby is
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totally craving meat. This afternoon I tried tricking it, I made it a soy-burger to make
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it think it was getting meat, y’know? And I got nauseous.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Maybe that’s because soy-burgers suck!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Being pregnant is tough on your tummy.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, but at least you got that cool, pregnant lady glow.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That’s sweat. You throw up all morning, you’ll have that glow
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too.</p>
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<p>[Scene: <i>Bloomingdale’s</i>, Rachel is preparing to slip Joshua the note.]</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> (coming in from a changing room) Okay!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, here’s that trench-coat that you wanted.</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Oh great! (He tries on the coat.) Wow! Yeah, it’s comfortable. </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah?</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Man, I could really flash somebody in this thing. (He goes to put his
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hands in his pockets.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (stopping him) Oh no-no, no-no, they don’t want you to put your
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hands in the pockets until you are out of the store.</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Why not?!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, that’s because of a lot of…(She imitates someone picking
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their nose and placing the treasure found in the pockets.)</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Y’know, they ruin it for everybody.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know!</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Y’know, I wore that cashmere sweater on a date last night.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh?</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Yeah, it was my first date since the uh, since the divorce.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, congratulations, so do you love her?</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> No, no, no, she’s nice but, y’know, it just it made me realize
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that I’m just not, I’m just not ready to be dating, y’know?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Huh. Well, uh, that’s uh, that’s interesting. (She goes over
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and retrieves her note.)</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> (noticing her) Hey-whoa-hey-hey, what was that?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, it’s just an anti-theft device.</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Then uh, what’s-what’s this? (Shows her the real anti-theft
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device.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You need that, you need that too ‘cause obviously, a thief could
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just tear this up. (Rips up the note.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, Ross is writing on the <i>Magna-Doodle</i>
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as Rachel enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oops, sorry. Listen, we-we have to have a party tonight! Actually, we
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have to have one in five minutes, so everybody cancel your plans.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What are you talking about?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, what’ going on?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> We have to have a surprise Bon Voyage party for Emily. But it’s
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actually for Joshua. (Starts handing out party hats.) Look, he said he’s not ready to
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date, so I had to invite him to a party if I wanted to see him outside of work, and now I
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have the perfect opportunity to seduce him! (Hands Ross a party hat.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, as much as I’d like to meet Josh and warn him, Emily and I
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aren’t going to be here. All right? I mean, she’s going to come by first to say
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good-bye, and then I’ve got a whole special evening planned. So I’m sorry, no
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party.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Awwww!</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> (entering) Hello?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Surprise!!!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>Chandler and Joey:</b> Surprise!! </p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> No one’s ever thrown me a surprise party before!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, it was all Ross’s idea.</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> You’re so sweet! And I’m so surprised!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> You really didn’t know?</p>
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<p>[Cut to later, the party is in full swing. Rachel is in the kitchen and Chandler goes
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over to talk to her.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why are you in here if Joshua is all the way over there? (Points to
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the living room.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uhh, because I’m trying to play hard to get. Oh, quick he’s
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looking over here, say something funny.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Like what?</p>
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<p>(Rachel laughs hysterically.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What-what-what is so funny?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I said, "Like what?"</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Now that’s a thinker.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, y’know what, y’know what? This playing hard to get thing
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is not working. Umm, hand-hand me those cherries. (Chandler does so.) Okay. Okay. (She
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does a little sexy walk over to where Joshua is standing.) Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Care for a cherry?</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Oh, no thanks.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No? Y’know, I can tie one of these into a knot using just my
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tongue. </p>
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<p>(She tries to demonstrate this unique ability, but only succeeds in choking on it.)</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> You okay? (Rachel swallowed it whole and is not hacking like a heavy
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smoker in the morning.) You all right? (Rachel walks away, coughing.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (interrupting Monica and Emily) So we should probably get going soon.</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> Oh, but the party’s only just getting started!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, but we-we have to be at the<i> Four Seasons</i> for drinks in 15
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minutes and then y’know, then <i>The Plaza</i> for dinner.</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> So why did you plan a party at the same time?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> No-no-no, no, umm, actually American surprise parties are-are-are very
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short. It’s usually, "Surprise!" And then, "Oh my God, I’m so
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surprised—good-bye!"</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> But Ross, I’m such having a great time! Your sister has just been
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telling me that you used to dress up like little, old ladies and hold make-believe tea
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parties.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Monica said that did she? (He squeezes Monica’s knee really hardly
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and Monica winces in pain.)</p>
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<p>[Cut to Joey and Phoebe in the kitchen. Phoebe is watching Joey make a sandwich.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, yeah. Then what are you going to put on top of that?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> A little salami. </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh yeah! Then umm, what goes on top of the salami?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Pastrami. </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oooh, yeah. You’re a genius.</p>
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<p>(Rachel enters, she has changed clothes.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, could somebody give me a hand with this zipper?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah. (He goes over to her.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Up!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> You changed?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, I did. I needed my lucky dress.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> And lucky means, more cleavage? </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Does for me.</p>
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<p>(Joey starts wiping lint off of her back, but goes at little too far and Rachel just
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glares at him. He stops, gives her the ‘okay’ symbol and walks away.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, God! Look at him, he’s so cute. I wanna go over there, grab
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him, and kiss him! How can I kiss him and not letting him know that I like him?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh! I know how you can get him, take off your bra.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> There was a seen in <i>Footloose</i>...</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> <i>Flashdance</i>.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah-yeah, yeah, with that-that uh, plumber girl…</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> She was a welder.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What? Were you like <b>in</b> the movie, or… Anyway, she takes off
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her bra under her shirt and pulls it out the sleeve. Very sexy, and classy.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Or if you want to kiss him, umm, you could use mistletoe.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> It’s not Christmas!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Or Spin the Bottle?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> He’s not 11!</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> (with her coat on, she’s leaving with Ross) Thank you so much for
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this. It was really so thoughtful of you.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What? You’re leaving?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes, we have something we have to get to.</p>
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<p><b>Joshua:</b> Uhh, yeah, I think I’m going to take-off too.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No! You guys can’t leave yet! You have to stay, we-we got the whole
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big thing planned!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What big thing?</p>
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<p>[Cut to later, the whole group is seated on the floor and Rachel is explaining the
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rules of Spin the Bottle.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (spinning the bottle) So, Spin the Bottle works like this: I spin the
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bottle, it lands on Gunther, so I would have to kiss Gunther. (She crawls over to where
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Gunther is sitting and sees the look of anticipation on Gunther’s face and decides
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not to kiss him.) All right. Who wants to go first?</p>
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<p><b>Emily:</b> I’ll go.</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Yay!</p>
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<p>(Emily spins the bottle and it lands on Joey.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Welcome to America. (They both kiss.)</p>
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<p>(Joey spins the bottle and it lands on Emily.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Two in a row! You’ve got to use your tongues now! (They kiss
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again.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yay! Emily! </p>
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<p>(Emily spins the bottle and once again, it lands on Joey.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What are the odds? What are the odds?</p>
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<p>(They both move to kiss again.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (stopping them) Okay, that-that’s enough! Y’know, let’s,
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let’s let someone else play.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> If you didn’t want to play, why did you come to the party?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, my turn!!</p>
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<p>(Rachel spins the bottle and it lands on….wait for it….Joshua. (You thought I
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was going to say Ross, didn’t you?) Rachel squeals in delight and starts a slow sexy
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crawl over to Joshua, making sure he and everyone else watching gets a good look at her
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cleavage.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God!! The baby just kicked!</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Ohh!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> It’s okay! It’s okay! It kicked once, it’ll kick again!</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Oh my God!</p>
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<p>(They all stand up and go over to Phoebe to feel the baby, preventing Rachel from
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kissing Joshua.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right, well, everybody just remember where they were sitting. </p>
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<p>(She crawls over to Joshua and kisses the back of his knee. He feels it and looks down,
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Rachel pretends she’s knocking a bug off his leg.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Just a bug.</p>
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|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, it is later in the party. The
|
||
Spin the Bottle game is over and Chandler is making a sandwich as Phoebe watches.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Y’know it doesn’t matter how much I’m craving it.
|
||
Y’know why I’m never gonna eat meat? Because it’s murder, cold blooded
|
||
murder.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He takes a bite out of the sandwich and as he does so, Phoebe attacks the other end
|
||
and starts devouring the sandwich.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> There’s a Phoebe on my sandwich! (He walks away, giving the
|
||
sandwich to Phoebe.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Phoebe, what-what are you doing?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I can’t help it. I need the meat. The baby needs the meat.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right look, y’know how-y’know how when you’re dating
|
||
someone and you don’t want to cheat on them, unless it’s with someone really
|
||
hot?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, totally!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right. Okay. Well this is the same kind of deal. If you’re going
|
||
to do something wrong, (He grabs two steaks from the freezer) do it right!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to later, Phoebe is finishing off her steak.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Feel better now?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, but at what cost? Six more months, three meals a day, I’m
|
||
gonna eat like, y’know millions of cows.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, what if I said, I could even things out for ya, meatwise.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, I eat a lot of meat right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, suppose until the baby’s born I laid off it. No extra animals
|
||
would die, you-you’d just be eating my animals.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Joey, I can’t believe you would do that for me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Absolutely! I could be a vegetarian. There’s no meat in beer, right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Ross and Emily standing by the foosball table.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, we could still make dinner if we skipped the appetisers and asked
|
||
for our check right away.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel enters, she has changed once again. This time into her high school cheerleading
|
||
uniform.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Emily:</b> But, we can’t go now. It looks like Rachel’s gonna put on a
|
||
skit.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God! Have you lost your mind?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No-n-n-n-no! I am <b>finally</b> thinking clearly. My lucky dress
|
||
wasn’t working out to well for me, but for four years, this baby never missed.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Rachel-Rachel-Rachel I-I cannot, I can’t let—(pause), actually
|
||
I kinda want to see what happens.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Nice uh, costume.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, yeah, well I wanted to give Emily a big American <b>good</b>-bye
|
||
cheer. So okay! (Runs into the living room) Ready! Okay! Gimme an ‘E!’</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> E!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Gimme an ‘M!’</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> M!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Gimme an ‘I!’</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> I!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Gimme an ‘L!’</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> L!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Gimme a ‘Y!’</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Y!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What do you get? (She throws her pom-poms to Joey and Phoebe and
|
||
performs a cartwheel.) Emily!! (Tries to do another one.) Emil—Whoa!! (She falls in
|
||
Chandler’s room.) Okay! So that’s me as a cheerleader! Ta-dum! (Gunther’s
|
||
the only one that claps.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey and Monica rush over to her.)</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>Joey and Monica:</b> Are you all right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m fine! I’m fine! I’m just losing a tooth, it’s no
|
||
big deal. I have a dentist! Y’know. I’m gonna go put some ice on it. Excuse me.
|
||
(She goes over to the ice and Joey and Monica follow her.) What do I do now? What do I do
|
||
now?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I think you’re done.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, time to take off the bra. (She glares at him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Umm, that was <b>really</b> great, but I-I gotta take-off actually.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (trying not to be obvious) Take the bra off.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right, come on, let’s go get your coat.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They both go to Chandler’s bedroom to get his coat.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Gunther and Emily.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gunther:</b> Rachel is my girlfriend.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Chandler’s bedroom.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> So, this was uh, really fun.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, yeah! Real fun. (She makes a decision.) Y’know, this bra…
|
||
Really, bothers me. (She starts taking off her bra.) Y’know, this used to be my
|
||
bedroom. Yeah. A lot of memories in here, a <b>lot</b> of memories. If these walls could
|
||
talk, y’know what they’d say? Wanna hear some memories? (She is now violently
|
||
pulling on her bra in order to remove it, but it isn’t co-operating.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Need uh, need a little hand there.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh no-no-no! No, I got this all under control.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> You really don’t seem like you do. That’s…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She is still yanking on the bra, but it is stuck in her sleeve. Finally, she gives
|
||
up.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ughhhh!! Forget it! (Sits down heavily on the bed.) This is, this is not
|
||
how this is supposed to happen.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Well, what was supposed to happen?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Can you not look at me when I say this? (He turns around) I thought that
|
||
if I could get you here, I could seduce you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Huh. Oh, boy! (Sits down next to her.) Uhh, I-I don’t wear suits to
|
||
work, and I bought six of them from you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I’m sorry, I thought you needed them!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> No, no-no, no-no, my point is that I kept coming back because, I wanted
|
||
to see you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Why?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Because I-I like you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You like me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Yeah! I mean you’re-you’re beautiful and smart and
|
||
sophisticated—a lot of this isn’t based on tonight.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah but-but-but you liked me! Oh my God, I can’t believe this, all
|
||
this time, I liked you and you liked me!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> But…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh no-no-no don’t say but! No-no, but’s never good! Let’s
|
||
just leave it at, you like me and I like you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Okay uh, however…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, now see that’s a fancy but.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> My marriage like <b>just</b> ended, and I’m really not ready to get
|
||
into anything yet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> But….</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> I’m sorry, I, I just need a little time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The hallway, Ross is sitting on the step drinking a beer as Rachel comes out of
|
||
the guys apartment.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, here you are. I was looking for you before. Joshua’s gone so
|
||
you and Emily are free to go.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s okay. She’s still in there enjoying her fake party and
|
||
uh, it’s too late to do any of the things I had planned, so…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, Ross, I’m sorry. I completely ruined your evening.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, if it makes you feel any better, I made a fool out of myself.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Helps a little.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Is there room on that step for a pathetic loser?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, have a seat.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m so sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s okay, I mean it was just two-week thing anyway, I just
|
||
didn’t want it to end this way, y’know?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, maybe you didn’t want it to end?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What do you mean?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You seem to really like her.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed
|
||
that it was gonna be a two-week thing, y’know no commitment.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends,
|
||
asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monica’s photo albums, I mean you
|
||
don’t do that if you’re just in it for two weeks.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You think?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, you got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and
|
||
you’re sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, you’re right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Thanks. (He starts to go inside and stops.) What photo album was it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I don’t know, it was you and a bunch of albino kids.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh my God! Those weren’t albino kids, that was computer camp! Rach!
|
||
(He hurries inside and Chandler is taking out the garbage.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You’re a pathetic loser, right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh-ho, yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Sit!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He does so, and immediately starts looking pathetic.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Hi. (He has just returned.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my gosh, Joshua!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> All those things I said about not being ready…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> They’re not true?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> No, they’re-they’re all true.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> But…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh! Oh, I love that but.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They move to kiss, but realise that Chandler is staring at them. Chandler urges them
|
||
on.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You wanna go inside and have some coffee?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joshua:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. (Joshua goes inside and to Chandler.) Every time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Closing Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's erm, Chandler and Joey's, the next day. Phoebe is busy
|
||
making a sandwich.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oooh, what you got there?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Pastrami.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh-ho-ho, yeah! Hey! Y’know what goes good with that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hm-mm, corn beef.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ooh, I was gonna say bologna, but that’s much better. How about a
|
||
little of that smoked turkey?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (He starts looking longingly at the sandwich.) Oh mama! Uh when-when is
|
||
the baby due?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Six months.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ugh. Now if a cow should die of natural causes, I can have one of those
|
||
right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Not if I get there first.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |