mirror of
https://github.com/bvanroll/startrek-ml.git
synced 2025-08-29 12:02:45 +00:00
732 lines
25 KiB
HTML
732 lines
25 KiB
HTML
|
||
<!-- saved from url=(0054)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season5/503t100.htm -->
|
||
<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
|
||
<title>The One Hundredth</title>
|
||
|
||
<meta name="GENERATOR" content="Microsoft FrontPage 3.0">
|
||
<meta name="Template" content="C:\Program Files\Microsoft Office\Templates\friends.dot">
|
||
<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
|
||
|
||
<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
|
||
|
||
<h1 align="center">The One Hundredth</h1>
|
||
|
||
<hr>
|
||
|
||
<p>Written by: Marta Kauffman & David Crane<br>
|
||
Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
|
||
|
||
<hr>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Hospital, Phoebe is arriving with Ross, Joey, and Rachel in tow.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (to the nurse) Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Nurse:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hi, yeah, hi! I'm umm, Phoebe Buffay, and I have babies coming out of
|
||
me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Nurse:</b> Okay. Have you started having contractions?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Not yet. Umm, I heard they really hurt, do they hurt?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Nurse:</b> Well…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> It's all right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Nurse:</b> Now, which of you is the father? (Points to Joey and Ross)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh no, none of them are the father. The father is my brother.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Nurse:</b> (not sure what to do with that) Okay…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I am <b>so</b> gonna miss watching you freak people out like that!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, uh Pheebs, quick. Look! This (His video camera) is for the babies to
|
||
look at someday, so is-is there anything you want to say? Y'know before it all starts?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, okay, umm, hi kids! Um, it's me, Aunt Phoebe. I can't wait to see
|
||
you. Please don't hurt me! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica and Chandler come running in.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, what took you guys so long? Your cab left when ours did!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(There's a pause as they figure out what to say.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, we-we had to go back because I forget my jacket.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> That's right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Both Rachel and Ross stare at her for a moment.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You-you're not wearing a jacket.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh man! I did it again!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (standing up) Okay, so umm, somebody has to call Frank and Alice. (As
|
||
she is talking Joey is sticking the camera under her skirt.) And then my mom wants to
|
||
know-(notices Joey)-Joey, what are you doing?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I gotta get the before shot!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She shakes her head no.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Ross are entering.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi, Pheebs? Okay, so just spoke to the nurse and the reason that your
|
||
doctor is late is because uh, she's not coming.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Apparently she fell in the shower and hit her head.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God, she's so stupid!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Look, Pheebs-Pheebs, it's gonna be okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That's easy for you to say, I don't see three kids coming out your
|
||
vagina!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Honey, listen, y'know what? The nurse said the doctor is wonderful.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, he's head of the department.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right—Ooh! Oh dead God, save me! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I'm having my first contraction!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh no.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, it's not bad.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh! (In an announcer type voice) And so the miracle of life begins, and
|
||
aaiiyyyeeee! (He grabs his side and doubles over in pain.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey! You okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ooh, something hurts!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, it's sympathy pains. Ohh, that's so sweet!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Are they? I didn't know I cared that much.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The doctor, Dr. Harad, enters.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hello.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> Hi! Phoebe, I'm Dr. Harad, I'm going to be delivering your babies. I
|
||
want you to know, you're gonna be in good hands. I've been doing this for a long time.
|
||
I'll be back in a minute to do your internal, in the meantime, just relax because
|
||
everything here looks great. And also, I love Fonzie. (Exits)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Did he just say, he loves Fonzie?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> That's what it sounded like.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> (To Phoebe) Hey! Am I late? Am I late? Nobody came out yet, right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No-no-no! We haven't started yet. Where's Alice?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Uh, Delaware. She's on her way though, so until she gets here, I'm gonna
|
||
be your coach. But don't worry, she told me all about the la-Mazada stuff.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, that's when if you get the babies out by the end of the month,
|
||
they give you 2% financing.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The waiting room, Monica and Joey are sitting there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering) Monica? You gonna be very proud of me. I just got us dates
|
||
with two unbelievably cute nurses.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh my!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> They're male nurses.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Not in my head.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Anyway, they want to take us out Saturday night! What do you say?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Umm. (Looks at Chandler who is using the phone.) Umm. Umm. I don't think
|
||
so.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What? What are you talking about?! You-you're the one who's been telling
|
||
me to get over Ross and move on. I'm moving on, and you're moving on with me. Come on,
|
||
give me one good reason why you don't wanna go.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Umm, why don't you give <b>me</b> something that would be a good reason
|
||
and-and then I'll tell you if it's true.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Harder than it sounds. Isn't it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still
|
||
here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some <i>Jell-O</i>
|
||
with them.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (in a sexy voice) Yep! There's always room for <i>Jell-O</i>…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Joey, how do you make <b>that</b> dirty?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his
|
||
fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken salad…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The delivery room, Chandler, Frank, and Ross are with Phoebe.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering) Ross! Get a shot of this. (He's carrying an issue of the <i>USA
|
||
Today</i> and hands Ross the camera.) Hey babies! These are the headlines on the day you
|
||
were born! Okay, now girl baby turn away and boy babies… (Throws the paper away to
|
||
reveal a copy of Playpen, which is the TV version of <i>Playboy Magazine</i>.) Check it
|
||
out, huh?! This is what naked women looked like the month you were born. All right, now
|
||
let's dive right into the good stuff. (Joey opens the magazine and Ross sticks the camera
|
||
in it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, okay, I'm having another one! This one doesn't hurt either—Ooh,
|
||
yes it does! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh! (Checks under the blanket.) Oh, I was kinda hoping that
|
||
was it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, where are Monica and Rachel anyway?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, a couple of nurses asked them out. Maybe they're with them.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Really? Male nurses?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, I was bummed too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So they're going on dates? When?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I think Saturday—(groans in pain again).</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> (To Phoebe) What's with him?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, sympathy pains. I thought it was really sweet at first, but now I
|
||
think he's just trying to steal my thunder.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> (entering) Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> Let's see what we got here. Ohh, y'know, Fonzie dated triplets.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> This-this Fonzie person you keep referring too, is that uh, is that
|
||
another doctor?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> Oh no-no-no. Fonzie is the nickname of Arthur Fonzerelli. The Fonz.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Dr. Harad exits.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> It's not <b>that</b> weird, is it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> It's <b>very</b> weird! I don't want some guy down there telling me, I'm
|
||
y'know, dilatedamundo!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> To be fair, he doesn’t seem to be impersonating Fonzie…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (interrupting) What are you doing?!! Why are you defending him?! Just
|
||
get me another doctor! One who is not crazy and who is not Fonzie!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Again, it's not that he…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe fakes pain to get Ross looking for another doctor.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The waiting room, Chandler is looking for Monica.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (spotting her) Oh-hey-hey-hey! There you are!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Umm, listen there's something I think you should know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, is this about you-you dating the nurse? Yeah, Joey already told
|
||
me, and I am so-so fine. I mean, you and I we're just, y'know, we're nothing, we're
|
||
goofin' around.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Umm, actually I was about to tell you that I was, I was going to get out
|
||
of it, but hey, if we're just goofing around then uh, maybe I <b>will</b> go out with him.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Fine! Maybe I will too!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering from the elevator caring gifts for the kids) Hey, you guys! Look
|
||
what I found in the giiiiiiift shop. (He doubles over in pain in front an old man in a
|
||
wheel chair.) Get up! Get up! Get up! (The old man waves him away.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The delivery room, Ross has returned with another doctor. This one, is well,
|
||
younger.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, Phoebe, this Dr. Oberman. He has no strong feelings about Fonzie or
|
||
any of the <i>Happy Days</i> gang.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hi! And you're going into what grade?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Oberman:</b> Umm, I'm actually a first year resident, but I get that a lot, you
|
||
see, I-I graduated early…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (interrupting) Uh-huh, me too. Ross, maybe I should've specified that
|
||
I'd be needing a grown up doctor. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Oberman:</b> Oh no, I'm fully qualified to…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Shh! Doogie, shh! Doesn't anybody understand that I'm gonna be having
|
||
babies soon? Huh? Go! Go little boy, go!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He runs out and Frank watches him go.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Oh cool! You made him cry!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Another hospital room, Joey has now been admitted and his doctor is about to
|
||
break the bad news to him, Monica, and Chandler.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey's Doctor:</b> Mr. Tribbiani, I'm afraid you've got kidney stones.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Umm, well, what else could it be?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey's Doctor:</b> It's kidney stones.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Or?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey's Doctor:</b> Kidney stones!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The delivery room, Dr. Harad is back and checking on Phoebe.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> All right, you're getting there. Oh, and y'know, these babies are
|
||
very, very lucky.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> They are. Why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> They have the honor of being born on The Fonz's half-birthday.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Happy birthday!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> Just-just to clarify, I'm not Fonzie. (Phoebe nods in agreement as he
|
||
leaves.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Honey, y'know I just gotta tell you, I think this is such a terrific
|
||
thing you're having these babies for Frank and Alice.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I know, it is.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Can I tell you a little secret?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I want to keep one. (Giggles in excitement.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, I'm gonna be on the news!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The delivery room, continued from earlier.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, Phoebe, honey, you gotta be kidding. I mean, you <b>know</b> you
|
||
cannot keep one of these babies!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Why not?! Maybe I can, you don't know!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes! Yes! Yes, I do! I do know! Frank and Alice are gonna want to keep <b>all</b>
|
||
of their children!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Maybe not! Y'know? Seriously, three babies are a handful maybe they're
|
||
y'know, looking for a chance to unload one of them. Listen, I-I hate to miss an
|
||
opportunity just because I didn't <b>ask</b>! Y'know?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Phoebe, no! This is, this is insane.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, just ask him!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Me?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> <b>I</b> can't ask him! Do you have any idea how inappropriate that
|
||
would be?! All I'm saying is just talk to Frank. Okay? Just, y'know, feel him out!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No! Forget it! I am <b>not</b> gonna ask Frank to give you one of his
|
||
kids!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You're right. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(There's an awkward silence then suddenly Phoebe gets an idea.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Tell him it's for you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey's room, his doctor, Chandler, and Monica are there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Feeling a little better sweetie?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, maybe a little. I wish you hadn't seen me throw up.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Me too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hey! I just heard. What's up?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey's Doctor:</b> Kidney stones! Now, ordinarily Mr. Tribbiani, we try to break up
|
||
the stones up with shock waves, but they're to close to the bladder now. Which means we
|
||
can either wait for you to pass them or else go up the urethra…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (interrupting) Whoa-whoa! No-no-no-no-no, nothing is going up! Okay? Up,
|
||
up is not an option—what's a urethra? (Monica whispers what it is in his ear.) Are
|
||
you crazy?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The delivery room, Rachel and Frank are there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (To Rachel) So did you ask him?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, I haven't had a chance to be alone with him yet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, I'm kinda on a clock here.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> (laughing) Oh Fonzie.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Y'know who I always liked? Mork.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Dr. Harad drops what he's doing and stares at her.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Undo it. Undo it. Undo it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> Fonzie met Mork. Mork froze Fonzie.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, but umm… Yes, but, Fonzie was already cool, so he wasn't
|
||
hurt, right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> Yeah, that's right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering with Chandler) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (To Phoebe) How are you doing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, doctor says any minute now.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Hey, y'know, Alice is gonna be here so soon, you couldn't just like do me
|
||
a favor and like, like hold them in?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Sorry Frank, I'm kinda in the middle of the last favor you asked me to
|
||
do.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(A male nurse enters.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Male</strong> <b>Nurse:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Male</strong> <b>Nurse:</b> Rachel.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Monica, this is Dan (points to him), one of the guys that we're gonna be
|
||
going out with on Saturday. (Mouths "He's yours." to her.) Uh Dan, Monica.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dan:</b> Nice to meet you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hello Dan! I'm <b>really</b> looking forward to Saturday night! Really,
|
||
really!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So Dan, nurse not a doctor huh? Kinda girlie isn't it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Chandler!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dan:</b> Nah that's okay. I'm just doing this to put myself through medical school.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dan:</b> <b>And</b> it didn't feel so girlie during the Gulf War.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Sure. (Pause) And listen, thanks for doing that for us, by the way.
|
||
(Retreats in defeat.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So, why wait 'til Saturday, are you free tomorrow?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dan:</b> Sure! I'll get somebody to cover my shift.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, great!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to another female nurse) Hey, how 'bout it? You, me, Saturday night?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Delivery Room <b>Nurse:</b></b> No.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right. Very good.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oo, this is a big one. Eww! Arghhhh!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Joey's room, who's going throw his own contractions. Plus, he has Ross in a
|
||
headlock.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ohh, get these things out of me!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Breathe! Breathe! Breathe throw the pain.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey starts breathing hard)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I want the drugs Ross, I want the drugs! (He starts rocking back and
|
||
forth, taking Ross with him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I do too! I do too!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Argh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Argh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Argh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Argh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The waiting room, Frank is on the phone as Rachel approaches.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Yeah, I love you. Okay, bye! (To Rachel) Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> That was Alice's mom, she said she left five hours ago. She should be
|
||
here by now!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, honey, don’t worry. She's gonna make it on time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah. So Frank, three babies. Whew, that just seems like a lot, huh?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> (laughs) Not to me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, fair enough.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The delivery room, later on, Rachel, Chandler, Monica, and Frank are there as
|
||
Dr. Harad is checking out Phoebe.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> Okay, you're at ten centimeters. Time to start having some babies.
|
||
All right, I want only the father in here please.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They all kiss her and wish her luck.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Bye Dan!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dan:</b> Uh, bye Monica.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Bye, momi-moo.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Everyone except Frank leaves.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> All right, I need a clamp, sterile towel, and channel 31.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What is that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Dan turns on the TV and the <i>Happy Days</i> theme song comes on.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> Oh, no-no-no, it's a good one! Fonzie plays the bongos. All right,
|
||
are you ready? It's time to start pushing.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Joey's room, his doctor and Ross are there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey's Doctor:</b> Are you ready? It's time to try peeing. (Joey makes a face like
|
||
he is trying to pee.) Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! It's <b>almost</b> time to try peeing.
|
||
(Points at the bottle Joey is to pee into.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to the delivery room.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> Okay, now push! That's it push! Just concentrate on pushing! Yeah,
|
||
here we go!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dan:</b> I see the head.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Yes, it has a head! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> All right. Keep pushing! Come on!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> I can't believe there's somebody coming out of you right now. There's
|
||
somebody coming out of you! Is it? Is it? It's my son.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> All right. Here's your first baby.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to the waiting room, a triumphant Frank rushes in.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> YESSSSS!!!!! We got a baby boy!! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Frank Jr. Jr.!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, how does he look? How does he look?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> So gross! (He runs back to the delivery room.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is about to give birth to the middle kid.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> Okay. You ready to push again?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I already had a baby. Leave me alone.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Okay, okay, come on, you can do it. You can do it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe screams in pain, and Frank screams with her.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to the waiting room, a twice triumphant Frank returns.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Yeah!! Little Leslie is here! We got another one! Oh my God, I can't
|
||
believe I have two-two children. How scary is that? (He returns to the delivery room.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to the delivery room, Phoebe is at it for the last time.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Come on little Chandler, it's time to be born. Come on little Chandler!
|
||
Come on!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Harad:</b> All right, he's coming. He's coming!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They both stare at the newborn.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Hey, where's his thing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to the waiting room, a thrice triumphant Frank returns again.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Chandler's a girl!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh God, kindergarten flashback.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> They musta read the sonogram wrong. 'Cause they, 'cause they thought it
|
||
was a boy, but Chandler's a girl! Chandler's a girl!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, keep saying it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Alice:</b> (running in from the elevator) Am I too late?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> No-no ah, everything's okay. Everybody's healthy there's 30 fingers and
|
||
30 toes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Alice:</b> We have our babies?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Frank:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Alice:</b> (Starting to cry) Oh, we have our babies.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They hug. And quickly that hug turns into a heated make out session, right there on
|
||
the waiting room couch. Chandler, Rachel, and Monica quickly make their exits.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey's room, he is recovering from his birth.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh my God.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You did it, man.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey's Doctor:</b> Would you like to see them? (He hands Joey a little jar.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> They're so small! (Both he and Ross look at them with satisfied looks on
|
||
their faces.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: A hallway, Monica and Dan are talking.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dan:</b> So, I'll call you tomorrow.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Great!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Dan leaves as Chandler enters.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So, are you really gonna go out with that nurse man?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well uh, you and I are just goofing around, I thought, why not goof
|
||
around with him.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around
|
||
in the dictionary… Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who
|
||
care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together.
|
||
But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you made at me, then we have to,
|
||
y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am <b>so</b> bad at this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I think you're better than you think you are.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Really? Okay, so…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (interrupting) Know when to stop.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know, I sensed that I should stop. So we're okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah. All right, I'm gonna go tell Dan that it's not gonna happen. (They
|
||
kiss and as she starts to leave, Chandler starts to dance. Without turning around.) Don't
|
||
do the dance.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Right!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The delivery room, everyone except Rachel is there. Phoebe, Monica, and Ross
|
||
are holding the babies.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I think you're my favorite.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Which one do you have?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I don't care.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering) Hi. (To Phoebe) Hey, hi! So uh, Frank and Alice wanted me to
|
||
tell you that they're still outside making phone calls.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> But umm, I mean, did you talk to them about, y'know…</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, umm, no honey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh. It was a long shot. Hey, you guys can I just like have a second
|
||
alone with the babies.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Yeah, sure yeah. Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They hand her the babies and leave them alone.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> So, here you are. It seems like yesterday I was talking to you in that
|
||
little petri dish. Everyone said labor was the hardest thing I'd ever have to do, but they
|
||
were wrong this is. Oh, I had the most fun with you guys! I wish I could take you home and
|
||
see you everyday. Okay, I'll settle for being your favorite Aunt. I know Alice's sister
|
||
has a pool, but you lived in me. Okay, so we're cool. Yeah, we're gonna be great. Little
|
||
high fives! (Imitates the high fives.) Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! (One of the babies begins to cry.)
|
||
Well, if you're gonna cry. (She starts crying.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The delivery room, everyone is hanging out with Phoebe. Frank, Alice, and the
|
||
kids aren't there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Phoebe, we are so proud of you! You're amazing!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> So does it really hurt as bad as they say?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah. You won't be able to take it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So uh, now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they
|
||
gonna name her?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> They're gonna call her Chandler.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> That's kind of a masculine name, don't you think?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Works on you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<hr>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><!--webbot bot="ImageMap" startspan
|
||
rectangle=" (136,1) (193, 59) http://thecfsi.com/season5/504pbs.htm"
|
||
rectangle=" (68,1) (126, 80) http://thecfsi.com/season5.htm"
|
||
rectangle=" (0,1) (58, 80) http://thecfsi.com/season5/502kiss.htm" src="../contrl08.gif"
|
||
width="194" height="60" alt="contrl08.gif (14783 bytes)" border="0" --><map name="FrontPageMap0"><area shape="RECT" coords="136, 1, 193, 59" href="http://thecfsi.com/season5/504pbs.htm"><area shape="RECT" coords="68, 1, 126, 80" href="http://thecfsi.com/season5.htm"><area shape="RECT" coords="0, 1, 58, 80" href="http://thecfsi.com/season5/502kiss.htm"></map><img src="./The One Hundredth_files/contrl08.gif" width="194" height="60" alt="contrl08.gif (14783 bytes)" border="0" usemap="#FrontPageMap0"><!--webbot
|
||
bot="ImageMap" i-checksum="20082" endspan --></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |