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<!-- saved from url=(0054)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season3/311crws.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One Where Chandler Can't Remember Which Sister</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="white" text="black" link="green" vlink="black" alink="yellow" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One Where Chandler Can’t Remember Which Sister </h1>
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<hr align="center">
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<i>
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</i><p><i></i>Written by: Alexa Junge<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a> </p>
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<hr>
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<font size="3">
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<p align="left">[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, Joey, and Rachel are
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there, Joey is demonstrating a card trick.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, pick a card, any card. (Monica picks one) All right, now memorize
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it. Show to everybody. Got it?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Um-mm.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, give it back to me. (takes the card back, but he looks at the
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card before he puts it back in the deck, he holds the deck to his forehead, and thinks a
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little while) 5 of hearts.</p>
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<p>(Monica is sarcastically amazed.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Real magic does exist.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wow.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Wow. Joey, (sarcastically) how do you do it?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I can’t tell you that, no.</p>
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<p>(We hear some knocking coming from the ceiling.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Ah, somebody’s at the door on the ceiling.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Noo, that’s our unbelievably loud upstairs neighbor.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> He took up the carpet, and now you can hear everything.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Why don’t you go up there and ask him to ‘step lightly,
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please?’</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I have like five times, but the guy is so charming, that I go up there
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to yell and then I end up apologizing to him.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, that is silly. (gets up) I’ll go up there, I’ll tell him
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to keep it down.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, be my guest.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Good luck.</p>
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<p>(Phoebe exits)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, you really wanna
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know how I did it, I’ll show ya. When you handed me back the card, what you
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didn’t see was, I looked at it so fast that it was invisible to the naked eye. (picks
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up a card and quickly looks at it) I just did it. (does it again) I just did it, again.
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Here, I’ll slow it down so that you guys can see it. (looks and the card in slow
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motion)</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Oh, I got it.</p>
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<p>(We hear Phoebe knock at the door upstairs, and the guy answer it.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (muffled through the floor) Yeah, look I was with my friend downstairs
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and we hear everything up here that you do, and I am sick and tired... (I tired but the
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rest is unintelligible).</p>
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<p><b>Guy:</b> (muffled) Whoa, you are very beautiful.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (muffled) Oh, thank you.</p>
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<p align="center"><b>Opening Credits</b></p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering) Hey, anybody got a length of rope about six feet long with
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a little nouse at the end?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Honey, what’s the matter?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I just saw Janice. </p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Oh.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, she was at Rockefeller Center skating with her husband, she
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looked so happy. I almost feel bad for whipping that kid’s pretzel at them.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Man, I remember the first time I saw that girl Katherine, after we broke
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up. She was just walking with her friend Donna, just laughing and talking. God, it killed
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me.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes, but you ended up having sex with both of them that afternoon.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Sorry, I just, any excuse to tell that story y'know....</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey Chandler, there’s a party tomorrow, you’ll feel better then.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, y'know what, I’m gonna be okay, you don’t have to throw
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a party for me.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> It’s Joey’s birthday.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, well then, if anybody should have a party it should be him.</p>
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<p>(We hear Phoebe’s muffled voice through the ceiling.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Sush!! I cannot believe she is still up there.</p>
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<p>(We hear the guy telling a joke, and Phoebe laughing.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, well he totally screwed up the punch line. Y'know, it’s
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supposed to be arrghh-eh og-errigh.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Fortunata Fashions, Rachel’s new job.]</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Kaplan:</b> (entering) How’s that coffee comin,’ dear?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (jumping up from reading her magazine) Yeah, right away Mr. Kaplan.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Kaplan:</b> I’m not supposed to drink coffee, it makes me gassy.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know!</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Kaplan:</b> I’ll bet your thinking, ‘What’s an intelligent girl
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who wants to be in fashion, doing making coffee?’ Eh?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Op.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Kaplan:</b> Eh.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, you got me.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Kaplan:</b> Well, don’t think I haven’t noticed your potential. Well,
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I’ve got a project for you that’s a lot more related to fashion. How does that
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sound?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, that sounds great.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Kaplan:</b> Come on over here, sweetheart. (they walk over to a storage closet)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh thank you so much Mr. Kaplan, thank you so much.</p>
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<p><b>Mr. Kaplan:</b> (opening the closet door revealing that it’s full of tangled up
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hangers.) I need these hangers separated ASAP. (she is stunned) You’re welcome.</p>
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<p>[Scene: The Moondance Diner, Rachel is talking to Monica about her job.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh God, I hate my job, I hate it, I hate my job, I hate it.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I know honey, I’m sorry.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, I wanna quit, but then I think I should stick it out, then I think
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why would such a person stay in such a demeaning job, just because it’s remotely
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related to the field they’re interested in.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (gives her a look) Gee, I don’t know Rach. Order up!! I got a
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Yentel soup, a James Beans, and a Howdy hold the Dowdy!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh honey, come on, I’m sorry, I didn’t.... I don’t mind
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paying my dues, y'know, its just how much am I gonna learn about fashion by walking Mira,
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the arthritic seamstress, to the bathroom.</p>
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<p>(A guy at the end of the table starts laughing.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (to him) Hi! Is my misery amusing to you?</p>
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<p><b>Guy:</b> I’m sorry, I wa, I wa, I was just ah.... (starts to laugh again)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> It’s not funny, this is actually my job.</p>
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<p><b>Guy:</b> Oh believe me, I-I-I’ve been there. I had to sort mannequin heads at
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that Mannequins Plus.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh well then, so I’m just going to go back to talking to my friend
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here. And you can go back to enjoying your little hamburger.</p>
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<p><b>Guy:</b> Ah, just one other thing.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes?!</p>
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<p><b>Guy:</b> I ah, I work at <i>Bloomingdale’s</i> and I might know of a job
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possibility if your, if your interested?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (looks at Monica) (to him) Do you want my pickle?</p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it’s Joey’s party.]</p>
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<p><b>Gunther:</b> (to Monica and Phoebe) Hey guys.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey Gunther. Hi. (to Phoebe) I mean you’re going out on a date with
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the noisy guy upstairs?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, he’s very charming.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I know, he’s too charming, but if you two start going out, then
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it’s just gonna make it so much harder for me to hate him.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, you’re just gonna have to try.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Joey, where are the <em>Jell-o</em> shots?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I don’t know, Chandler is supposed to be passin’ ‘em
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around...</p>
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<p>(Camera cuts to show Chandler giving a Jello shot to the ceramic dog and holding an
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empty tray of Jello shots.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Chandler!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hello-dillillio!!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, somebody’s feeling better.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (to Chandler) Stick out your tongue.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Monica) Take off your shirt!</p>
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<p>(Chandler sticks out is tongue and it’s a horrible shade of green.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my!!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh my God! How many of these things did you have? These are pure vodka.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, <em>Jell-o</em> just like Mom used to make.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering, to Ross) The most unbelievable thing happened to me today.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi! So I’m out having lunch at Monica’s and this guy starts
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talking to me, and it turns out he works for a buyer at <i>Bloomingdale’s</i> and
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there happens to be an opening in his department. So I gave him my phone number and
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he’s gonna call me this weekend to see if he can get me an interview!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Wow!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What, so this guy is helping you for no apparent reason?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh-huh!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> And he’s, he’s a total stranger?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah! His name is um, Mark something.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Huh. Sounds like Mark Something wants to have some sex.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> What!?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I’m just saying, I mean why else would he just, y'know, swoop
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in out of nowhere for no reason.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> To be nice.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, Joey. Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> No, only for sex.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Thank you. (to Rachel) So did you ah, did you tell Mark Something about
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me?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I didn’t have to, because I was wearing my ‘I heart Ross’
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sandwich board and ringing my bell.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh-huh.</p>
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<p><b>Joey’s Sisters:</b> (entering) Joey!!! Happy Birthday!! (all 7 of them look
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almost identical)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!! Hey-hey-hey!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Monica) Okay, how many of that girl are you seeing?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> How hammered are you? Huh? These, these are Joey’s sisters.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hi Joey’s sisters!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (to one of his sisters, Cookie) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Cookie:</b> Hey. What are we drinkin’ over here.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, I have ah, vodka and cranberry juice.</p>
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<p><b>Cookie:</b> No kiddin,’ that’s the exact same drink I made myself right
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after I shot my husband.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wow. Okay, I don’t know how to talk to you.</p>
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<p>(Cut to Chandler)</p>
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<p><b>Sister 1:</b> (to Chandler) What ‘cha doing?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, I’m taking my ex-girlfriend of my speed dialer.</p>
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<p><b>Joey’s Sisters:</b> Oh!!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No-no-no-no, no, it’s a good thing. Why must we dial so speedily
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anyway? Why must we rush through life? Why can’t we savor the precious moments? (to
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one of Joey’s sisters) Those are some huge breasts you have.</p>
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<p>(Cut to Ross and Monica)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hi.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah. So um, I-I heard about this ah, Mark guy that ah, Rachel met today.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Isn’t that great?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh yeah! So ah, kinda pretty, pretty good. He sounds like a nice, good
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guy.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, he is. And he is so dreamy. I mean, y'know what, when he left I
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actually used the phrase, ‘Hummina-hummina-hummina.’ (walks away)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s excellent.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Phoebe, Ross, and Rachel are eating breakfast.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Rachel) So, he’s just a nice guy. You really think this Mark
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doesn’t want anything in exchange for helping him?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I assume I’ll have to take showers with him, but y'know,
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that’s true of any job.</p>
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<p>(Chandler enters hungover and groaning)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> How ya feelin’?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, my apartment isn’t there anymore, because I drank it.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Where’d you get too? We lost you after you opened up all the
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presents.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I ended up in the storage room, and not alone.</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Woooo hoooo!!!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ow, no ‘woo-hooing,’ no ‘woo-hooing.’ </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Why, what happened?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ah, I fooled around with Joey’s sister. (Phoebe gasps) Well,
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that’s not the worst part. </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> What is the worse part?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I can’t remember which sister.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Rachel) You see what men do! Don’t tell me men are not nice!
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(points to Chandler) This is men!!</p>
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<p align="center"><b>Commercial Break</b></p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Are you insane? I mean Joey, is going to kill you, he’s actually
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going to kill you dead.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay! You don’t think I thought of that?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> How can you not know which one?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I mean that’s unbelievable.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I mean, was it Gina?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Which one is Gina?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Dark, big hair, with the airplane earrings.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No, no, no, that’s Dina.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Monica) You see you can’t tell which one is which either,
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dwha!!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> We didn’t fool around with any of them. Dwha! Dwha!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Veronica. Look, it’s got to be Veronica, the girl in the red
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skirt. I definitely stuck my tongue down her throat.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> That was me.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, when I’ve been drinking, sometimes I tend to get overly
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friendly, and I’m sorry.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> That’s okay.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> That’s all right.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s okay.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (angrily entering, to Chandler) Can I talk to you for a second?!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, Joey.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey. (they all walk away from Chandler)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Come on!! (motions for Chandler to come with him)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Why can’t we talk in here? With, with, witnesses.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I just got off the phone with my sister.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Ah, which, which one?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Mary-Angela.</p>
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|
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Mary-Angela.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know which one was she again?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Why don’t you ask Chandler, ‘cause he’s the one that fooled
|
||
around with her. She told me you said you could really <b>fall</b> for her. Now is that
|
||
true? Or are you just gettin’ over Janice by groping my sister. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> It’s gotta be the first one.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Really? That’s great! You and my sister, sittin’ in a tree.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yep, I’m in a tree.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is writing letters as Rachel enters.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Did he call? Did Mark call?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No honey, I’m sorry, but the weekend’s not over yet.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh. (we hear laughing from the upstairs apartment) Oh my God, is that
|
||
Phoebe?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I guess they’re back from their date.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He starts to play music.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Music. Very nice.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(We hear them start making out upstairs.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> So, how are you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I am good. I finished my book.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Things start to get really hot upstairs.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh yeah, what’s it about?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I don’t remember. Do you wanna take a walk?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, I do. (they both run out)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross is reading a letter that Chandler wrote.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Dear Mary-Angela. Hi. How’s it going. This is the hardest letter
|
||
I’ve ever had to write. (to Chandler) What the hell’s a matter with you? How do
|
||
you think Joey’s going to react when he finds out that you blew off his sister with a
|
||
letter?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, that’s the part where you tell him that I moved to France.
|
||
When actually I’ll be in Cuba.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> All right, look, look, you’ve got to do this yourself, okay in
|
||
person. At least you know her name. You just go to the house and you ask for Mary-Angela,
|
||
okay, when which ever one she is comes to the door, you take her for a walk, you let her
|
||
down easy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What if Mary-Angela comes to the door and I ask for Mary-Angela?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Where in Cuba?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey’s sister’s house, Chandler hits himself on the head three times
|
||
and knocks on the door three times. Joey answers it.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (shocked) Joey, what-wh-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-wh-wha-what are you doing
|
||
here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Waiting for my Grandma to finish my laundry. What about you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I’m here to see Mary-Angela.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You are so the man! (motions him to come in, and he does) Now look,
|
||
listen, listen, you got to be cool, ‘cause my Grandma doesn’t know about you two
|
||
yet, and you do not want to tick her off. She was like the sixth person to spit on
|
||
Mussolini's hanging body. Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Where’s Mary-Angela?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> She’s right in there. (motions to the living room)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Chandler walks into the living room, and sees all of Joey’s sisters, all wearing
|
||
red.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey’s Sisters:</b> Hey, Chandler!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Ross, and Rachel are there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I can’t believe Mark didn’t call. It’s Sunday night, and
|
||
he didn’t call.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Bummer.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (to Ross) Yeah, right. Look at you, you’re practically giddy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No, I’m genuinely sorry the Mark thing didn’t work out. Look,
|
||
Rach, I want only good things for you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Wait a minute, why don’t you just call Mark. (they both look up in
|
||
shock) I mean, who says you have to sit here and wait for him, you’ve got to make
|
||
stuff happen.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> But, you, you don’t want to seem too pushy.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (to Ross) Honey, it’s not pushy, he gave her his home number.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Rachel, as she gets his number) What, he gave you his home number? As
|
||
in like, to, to his home?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, and you don’t mind if I call, because you only want good
|
||
things for me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That’s right good things, that-that is what I said. (glances at
|
||
Monica)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (on phone) Hello, Mark? Hi, it’s Rachel Green. (listens) Oh no,
|
||
don’t you apologize. (listens) Yeah, I’ll hold. (to Monica and Ross) He left my
|
||
number at work, but he was helping his niece with her report on the pioneers.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That is so made up!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (on phone) Yeah, oh my God, tomorrow! That, no, it’s perfect. Oh
|
||
God, thank you soo much. Great! Bye! (hangs up phone) I got the interview!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> There you go.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> He even offered to meet me for lunch tomorrow to prep me for it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, that is amazing!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah well, if I know Mark, and I think I do, I’d expect nothing less.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I got to figure out what I’m going to wear.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> High collar and baggy pants say I’m a pro.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah! Right! Okay, I’ll see you guys later. (starts to leave) Woo
|
||
hoo!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You go get ‘em. (to Monica) What did I do to you? Did I hurt you in
|
||
some way?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> ‘Why don’t you call him?!’ Well, thank you very much!
|
||
Y'know now he is going to prep her, y'know prep her, as in what you do when you surgically
|
||
remove the boyfriend!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Are you crazy?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Am I! Am I! Am I out of my mind! Am I losing my senses!! This dreamy guy
|
||
is taking my girlfriend out for a meal.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?! Ross y'know this isn’t even about you! I mean this is about
|
||
Rachel and something wonderful happening for her. I mean you know even if you’re
|
||
right, what if he wants to sleep with her, does it mean he gets too?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I mean don’t you trust her?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, yeah!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Then get over yourself! Grow up!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (shyly) You grow up.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey’s sister’s house, they’re finishing up dinner.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> This teramisu is, is excellent. Did you make it Mary-Angela?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey’s Grandmother:</b> No! I did!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, it’s, it’s yummy. So Mary-Angela do you like it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey’s Grandmother:</b> Of course! It’s her favorite.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So um, Mary-Angela, what’s your second favorite?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey’s Grandmother:</b> More of Grandma’s teramisu.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Would you just please....give me the receipt ‘cause this is
|
||
great. It’s top notch.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey’s Grandmother:</b> That dies with me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> So will I.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey’s Sister:</b> Excuse yourself, and go to the bathroom.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh no-no-no I was just squinting. That doesn’t mean anything.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey’s Sister:</b> (whispering in his ear) Just do it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Will you excuse me I have to um..... (walks to the hall)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to the hall, Joey’s sister runs up and grabs Chandler’s butt.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (startled) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey’s Sister:</b> Finally, I thought we’d never be alone. Can I just tell
|
||
you something, I have not stopped thinking about you since the party. (kisses him)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, I may have jumped the gun here. (she tries to kiss him, but he
|
||
ducks it and moves away) Um, I just got out of a relationship and I’m not really in
|
||
a, in a commitment kind of place.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey’s Sister:</b> So! Me neither! God, Mary-Angela was right you do have the
|
||
softest lips.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Ahhhh, you’re not Mary-Angela.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey’s Sister:</b> No, I’m Mary-Theresa.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> This is so bad. If-if you’re not Mary-Angela, then-then who is?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mary-Angela:</b> (standing behind Chandler) I am!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, this is soo bad. (doesn’t see Mary-Angela)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mary-Angela:</b> Joey!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No Joey! No Joey! Don’t Joey! Joey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What’s goin’ on?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (pats him on the shoulder) You’re it! Now run and hide!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mary-Theresa:</b> It’s no big deal. Chandler was just kissin’ me because
|
||
he thought I was Mary-Angela.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What?! How could you do that, how could you think she was Mary-Angela?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I wasn’t sure which one Mary-Angela was. (all of Joey’s
|
||
sisters gasp) Look, I’m sorry okay, I was really drunk, and you all look really
|
||
similar.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey’s Sister:</b> I say, punch him Joey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Yeah! Punch him!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know what, we should all calm down because your brother’s not
|
||
going to punch me. (to Joey) Are ya?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, that is usually what I would do. But I just never thought you’d
|
||
be on the receiving end of it. How could you do this?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Joey if you wanna punch me, go ahead, I deserve it. But I just want
|
||
you to know that I would never soberly hurt you or your family, you’re my best
|
||
friend. I would never do anything like this ever again.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Cookie:</b> So what. I say, punch him.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Yeah! Punch him! Punch him!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No! No! No! No, I’m not going to punch Chandler.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Cookie:</b> I’ll do it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No you won’t. Look he knows he did a terrible thing and I believe
|
||
him, he’s sorry. But, (to Chandler) you’ve got one more apology to make, all
|
||
right, you’ve got to apologize to Mary-Angela.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, absolutely!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You’ve got it. (he starts to look at his sister’s, but he
|
||
still doesn’t know which one is Mary-Angela.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Cookie, now you can punch him!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?! (Cookie punches him)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: A lobby, Ross is waiting for Rachel, after her interview.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (getting of the elevator and noticing Ross) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What are you doing here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ah y'know, this building is on my paper route so I... (gives her a flower)
|
||
</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi. (kisses her)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> How’d did it go?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh well, the woman I interviewed with was pretty tough, but y'know thank
|
||
God Mark coached me, because once I started talking about the fall line, she got all happy
|
||
and wouldn’t shut up.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I’m so proud of you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Me too!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Listen, I’m ah, I’m sorry I’ve been so crazy and jealous
|
||
and, it’s just that I like you a lot, so...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mark:</b> Rachel?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah. (turns around) Hi Mark!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mark:</b> Hi. I just talked to Joanna, and she loves you. You got it, you got the
|
||
job.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, I did!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mark:</b> Yes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (to Ross) Oh my God!! (she turns around and hugs Mark, not Ross)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Congratu!! (sees her hug Mark) -lations-lations.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>Closing Credits</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The entire gang is there.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> So ah, Phoebe, how was your date?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh well y'know. (laughs)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, I do know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ick, you were eavesdropping.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Eavesdropping. Pheebs, the ceiling tiles were falling down.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I’m sorry. But I really like this guy. And I think he really
|
||
happens to like me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(We hear the sound of a bed creaking through the ceiling, and him moaning.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Maybe he’s just jumping on a pogo-stick and really likes it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(We hear a women start moaning.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Maybe the pogo-stick likes it too?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, that’s it! He cannot do this to Phoebe. (gets up) This guy
|
||
is going to get the butt kicking of a lifetime! (stops and turns around and asks Rachel)
|
||
But, is he a big guy?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ah, we’ll all go. (motions to Chandler) Come on. (the guys leave)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Thanks you guys! Thank you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Don’t worry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> God, I hope they kick his ass!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Honey, I’m sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know if it’s any consolation, he really did sound like he was
|
||
having more fun with you. (Rachel nods in agreement)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(We the guys knock on the door upstairs, and the guy answering it.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Guy:</b> (muffled) May I help you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(We hear the guys start to attack him, but the guy manages to calm them down and gets
|
||
them to agree to what he did. Monica throws up her hands in disgust.)</p>
|
||
|
||
</font><p align="center"><font size="3"><b>End</b></font></p>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |