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<!-- saved from url=(0054)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season3/312towj.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With All The Jealousy</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="white" text="black" link="green" vlink="black" alink="yellow" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With All The Jealousy</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Written by: Doty Abrams<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a> </p>
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<hr>
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<font size="3">
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is getting ready for her first day.] </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (running in from her bedroom, wearing only a towel) Okay. Hey. Umm. Does
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everybody hate these shoes? </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yeah, but don't worry. I don't think anybody's gonna focus on that
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as long as your wearing that towel dress. </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (to Ross) Tell him. </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (to Chandler) It's her first day at this new job. Your not supposed to
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start with her! </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, I suppose I can wait a day. Hey, what are you doing Friday?
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</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Why? </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I need you to come to this bachelor party for my weird cousin Albert,
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y'know he's the botanist. </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh God. Y'know, botanists are such geeks. </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah. Is that a dinosaur tie? </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hmm? Oh, yeah. (he makes a growling sound) </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering, with about 20 purses hanging around her neck) Morning. Rach,
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I'm here with the purses! </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Phoebe) It must take you forever to find your keys. </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (running into the living room) Thank you, thank you, thank you, Pheebs. </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Your welcome, oh please not the one with the turtles. </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No, no, no, no turtles scare me. I don't need that today. </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Honey, just relax, it's gonna be fine. Hey, umm,. why don't I come down
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there and I'll take you out to lunch? </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh honey, thank you, but Mark's taking me out. </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Mark is that ah, the same Mark that helped you get the job? </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, it's kinda like a 'good luck on your first day' sort of thing. (to
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Phoebe) Is this actually a lunchbox? </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, no, it's a purse. And there's a thermos in it. </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh. </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Ross) Hey, so can you make it on Friday? </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What? Oh yeah, yeah I think so. Why am I invited to this again? </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well apparently Albert has no friends. He's very excited about the
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bachelor party though. I think actually the only reason he's getting married is so he can
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see a stripper. </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> A stripper at a bachelor party, that is so clich<63>. Why don't you get a
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magician?! </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, if the magician can open my beer with his but cheeks, then all
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right. </p>
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<p align="center"><b>Opening Credits</b> </p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross and Chandler are entering, Joey is on the phone.] </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> She's having lunch with him. She's having lunch with him. And you should
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of seen the hug she gave him when she got the job. And, and, and, (to Joey) he's really
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good looking. (Joey gives an enthusiastic thumbs up) What am I gonna do? </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Don't do anything. Keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings!
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(pause) Don't cry outloud. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (hanging up the phone) Yes! Guess who's in an audition for a Broadway
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musical? </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I want to say you but, that seems like such an easy answer. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> It is me! It's a musical version of <i>Tale of Two Cities</i>. So I think
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I'm gonna sing <i>New York, New York</i>, and ah, oh <i>I left My Heart in San Francisco</i>.
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</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Ah Joey, I don't think you get to pick the cities. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What? </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Mr. Dickens gets to pick 'em. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Who? </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I'll get you the Cliff Notes. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> The what? </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> The abridgment. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, okay. (to Ross) The what? </p>
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<p>[Scene: Rachel's office, Mark is training Rachel.] </p>
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<p><b>Mark:</b> ...and the style number, and the invoice number, and the shipping date.
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Good. Any questions so far? </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah. What kind of discount do we get? </p>
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<p><b>Mark:</b> Twenty percent. </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh!! I love this job! (her phone rings) Wow! My first call. </p>
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<p><b>Mark:</b> Here, let me. (answers phone) Rachel Green's line, how may I help you? </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (on phone) Hi, is Rachel there? </p>
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<p><b>Mark:</b> And who may I say is calling? </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> This is Ross? </p>
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<p><b>Mark:</b> Ross of..... </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Of Ross and Rachel. </p>
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<p><b>Mark:</b> Oh hi. It's, it's Mark. </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh hey, hey Mark. </p>
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<p><b>Mark:</b> Hey, hold on a second. </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay. </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hi honey! </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hi! What's ah, what's Mark doing answering your phone? </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, he's just goofing around. </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Ohhhhh yeah, that's, that's funny. Why ah, why isn't he goofing around in
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his own office? </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh honey, this is his office too. I told you we're Joanna's two
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assistants. </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Why does Joanna need two assistants, how, how lazy is she? </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh! Oh my God! What did I just do? </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What? </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I think I just shipped 3,000 bras to personnel. Oh honey, I gotta go.
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(to Mark) Mark, I need you! </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, bye-bye. (starts slamming the receiver down in anger.) </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ow! Ross!! </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, oh, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry sweetie, I was just trying to ah, I'm dialing
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another number. (hangs up) </p>
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<p>[Scene: The Moondance diner, Monica is cleaning up with one of the waiters, with her
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back turned to him she removes her fake breasts and hides them under her wig.] </p>
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<p><b>Jeannine:</b> (to Monica) All right, I just got changed in thirty seconds so you can
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be alone with him. You'd better go for it. </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Please, I'm not going for anything. </p>
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<p><b>Jeannine:</b> Well, if you don't, I will. </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Would you please go? </p>
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<p><b>Jeannine:</b> Night Mon. Night Julio. </p>
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<p><b>Julio:</b> (to Jeannine) Adios. </p>
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<p>(Monica starts wiping down the stools, as Julio follows along behind her replacing the
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napkin holders.) </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Look Julio, someone left their book here. </p>
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<p><b>Julio:</b> Ah actually, that is mine. </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh yeah, what are you reading? </p>
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<p><b>Julio:</b> Flowers of Evil, by Beaudalire. Have you read it? </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Have I read it? (pause) No, are you enjoying it? </p>
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<p><b>Julio:</b> I thought I would, but the translation's no good. </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Your a poet and don't know it. (she turns away and makes a face like 'I
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can't believe I just said that.') </p>
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<p><b>Julio:</b> Actually I ah, I am a poet. </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, then you do know it. (pause) So um what kind of things do you write
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about? </p>
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<p><b>Julio:</b> Things that move me. The, the shadow of a tree, a child laughing, or this
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lip. (points to her lip) </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Mine? (points to her lower lip) Right here? </p>
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<p><b>Julio:</b> I can write an epic poem about this lip. (grabs her lower lip) </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> How would that go? (they kiss) Well, it didn't rhyme, but I liked it. </p>
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<p>[Scene: Joey's audition.] </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (singing) You've got to pick a pocket or two. Boyyyyssss, (picks a
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handkerchief from the pianist's pocket) you've got to pick a pocket or two.......... </p>
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<p><b>Director:</b> Lovely, just lovely. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Really? Thanks. </p>
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<p><b>Director:</b> Listen Joey, we definitely want to see you for the callback on
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Saturday. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Excellent, I'll be there. </p>
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<p><b>Director:</b> Okay, and listen don't forget to bring your jazz shoes for the dance
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audition. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ahhh! My ah, my agent said it <b>wasn't</b> a dancing part. </p>
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<p><b>Director:</b> Joey, all the roles got to dance a little. But believe me with your
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dance background it'll be a piece of cake. </p>
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<p>[Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Chandler is reading Joey's resume.] </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> ....three years of modern dance with Twila Tharp! Five years with the
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American Ballet Theater?! </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, everybody lies on their resume, okay. I wasn't one of the Zoom Kids
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either. </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, can you dance at all? </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, I can dance, y'know. (starts to dance really, really, really badly) </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh no, no, no, no. </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (covering her mouth in shock) What, what is that? </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Sure, it looks stupid now, there's no music playing. </p>
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<p>(phone rings) </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, I have to get that, but no-no. (answering phone) Hello?
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(listens) (happily) Hi! Yeah listen, I'm, I'm in need of a stripper and I was told that
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you do that. (listens) Let me ask you this, what, what do you do for the extra hundred?
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(listens) So would I, would I have to provide the grapes? </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (entering) Hi! </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, how was last night with Julio, senorita? </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> It was soo amazing, he is so sexy, and smart, which makes him even
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sexier. Oh gosh, I gotta so you this. Last night, we were fooling around and he stops to
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write a poem. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Get out! I couldn't stop if a meteor hit me. </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, we have our stripper. A miss Crystal Chandelier. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well sure, you name a kid that, what do you expect them to grow up to be? </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Anyway um, when he left he forgot to take the poem with him. Now, I am
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like totally dense about poetry, but I think it's pretty good all right. Check it out.
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(hands them the poem) </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (reading) The Empty Vase. Translucent beauty... </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> To yourself. (finishing) Hey-hey-hey, y'know what that's pretty good. </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh good, I think so too. Pheebs? </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh yeah. </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, I'm so glad you guys like it. Yay! All right I gotta go to work.
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(tries to take the poem) </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Whoa, I'm not done. </p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, just give it back to me when your done. See you guys. </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Bye-bye. </p>
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<p>(Monica leaves) </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God, oh my God! Poor Monica! </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What, what, what?! </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What?! He was with her when he wrote this poem. Look, (reading) 'My
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vessel so empty with nothing inside. Now that I've touched you, you seem emptier still.'
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He thinks Monica is empty, she is the empty vase! </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You really think that is what he meant? </p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, totally. Oh, God, oh, she seemed so happy too. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Done. </p>
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<p>[Scene: Rachel's office, her desk is covered with stuff Ross has sent her.] </p>
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<p><b>Mark:</b> (reaching through the flowers) Do you have the, the Ralph Lauren file? </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, yeah, sure, it's umm... (she picks up this bug and it starts to play
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the theme from Love Story) </p>
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<p><b>Mark:</b> Wh-what's that? </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> It's from Ross, it's a love bug. </p>
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<p><b>Mark:</b> Wow! Somebody wants people to know you have a boyfriend. </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh no, no-no-no, that's not, not, not, what he is doing. He's just, he's
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just really romantic. </p>
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<p><b>Man:</b> (to Rachel) Ah, excuse me, are you Rachel Green? </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes. </p>
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<p><b>Man:</b> (being joined by the rest of the barbershop quartet) One, two, three... </p>
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<p><b>Quartet:</b> (singing) Congratulations on your first week at your brand new job! It
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won't be long before your the boss. </p>
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<p><b>The Bass Barber:</b> Omm-pah, omm-pah, omm-pah. </p>
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<p><b>Quartet:</b> (singing) And you know who will be there to support... you?! Your one
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and only boyfriend... </p>
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<p><b>The Bass Barber:</b> It's nice to have a boyfriend. </p>
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<p><b>Quartet:</b> Your loyal loving boyfriend Ross..... Ross! </p>
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<p align="center"><b>Commercial Break</b> </p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are entering the living room from her
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bedroom.] </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I'm hurt! I'm actually hurt, that you would think that I would send you
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any of those things out of any thing other than love. Hurt! Hurt! </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right Ross!! I get it!! </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I mean my God... </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You're hurt! </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> ...can't, can't a guy send a barbershop quartet to his girlfriend's office
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anymorrrrre!! </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, please, Ross it was so obvious! It was like you were marking your
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territory. I mean you might have well have just come in and peed all around my desk! </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I would never do that! </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Look, I know what's going on here, okay, Mark explained it all to me. He
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said this is what you guys do. </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah well if, if, if Mark said that, than Mark's an idiot. </p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Ross, Joey are there.] </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Mark's a genius! </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Why?! How?! How is he a genius? </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her
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right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to
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complain about you. </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What am I going to do? </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, why don't you send her a musical bug, op, no you already did
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that. All right look, you're going to have to go there yourself now, okay, make a few
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surprise visits. </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I don't know you guys. </p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right fine, don't do anything, just sit here and talk to us,
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meanwhile she is talking to him about you. And he's being Mr. Joe Sensitive, and she
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starts thinking 'Maybe this is the guy for me, because he understands me.' </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> And before you know it, she's with him. And you'll be all, 'Ohh, man!' And
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he'll be all, 'Yes!' And us, we'll be like, 'Wh-whoa, dude.' And pretty soon you'll be
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like, (sadly) 'Hhiii,' and, and, and, 'I can't go, Rachel and Mark might be there.' And
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we'll be like, 'Man get over it, it's been four years!!' </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> He paints quite a picture doesn't he? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Rachel's office.] </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman:</b> (walking up to Mark) Here's the Shelly Siegal stuff from December. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mark:</b> (turning around) And wait, I've got something for you. (kisses her) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman:</b> Mark!! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mark:</b> It's okay, Rachel knows. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Woman:</b> Yeah, but even soo. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross appears in the hallway just outside of Rachel's office.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mark:</b> I can't help it, I'm just, I'm just crazy about you. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohhh! That is soo sweet! (gets up to get herself a cup of coffee) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross is eavesdropping in the hallway.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mark:</b> Okay, okay look, I know I'm being Mr. Inappropriate today, but it's just
|
||
so tough, I mean see you walking around and I just wanna touch you and hold you, come on
|
||
no one's around, just, just kiss me. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They start to kiss, and Ross rushes into the office to break it up.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> All right that's, that's it!! Get off her! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Mark:</b> What is going on? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What's going on?! (throws the love bug at him) That's what's going on!! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (now standing behind Ross) Ross! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross finally looks at the woman kissing Mark.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I have been down in your store for twenty minutes trying to get a tie!
|
||
What do I have to do to get some service?! (turns to Rachel) Hi Rach. (He's puts his hand
|
||
on her shoulder and she knocks it away.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey's dance audition, Joey is warming up.] </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Director:</b> Ah Joey. Joey Tribbiani. Listen Joey, I got a problem, I just got a
|
||
call from my dance captain, he's having a relationship crisis and can't get out of Long
|
||
Island. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> So, does that mean the audition is off? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Director:</b> Listen Joey, seeing as you've got the most experience, I want you to
|
||
take these dancers and show them the combination. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What?! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Director:</b> Aw come on Joey, it's easy. Y'know, it's hand, hand, head, head, (very
|
||
quickly, Joey watches stunned) up, pas de bouree, pas de bouree, big turn here, grand
|
||
sissone, sissone, sissone, slide back, step, step, step, and jazz hands! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> It's ah, step-ity, step and jazz hands. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Director:</b> Have fun. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Bye. (does the jazz hands) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is tying a ribbon to a vase.] </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (entering) Hey! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What are you wrapping? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh-ho, look what I got Julio. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, it's a vase. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, just like the one in the poem. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well not exactly like the one in the poem. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What do you mean? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Remember how you said you were really dense about poetry? Oh. (hugs her)
|
||
</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Moondance Diner.] </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (to Julio) So! I'm just an empty vase, huh? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Julio:</b> What? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know, so I don't read as many important books as you do, and I don't
|
||
write trick poems that seem to be about one thing but are actually about something else.
|
||
And y'know what, I get excited about stupid stuff, like when I my <i>People</i> magazine
|
||
comes on Saturday, and the new <i>Hold Everything</i> catalog. Y'know but that does not
|
||
mean that I'm empty, I care about things. I care about my friends and family. You have no
|
||
right to make that kind of judgment about me. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Julio:</b> Whoa, whoa, whoa. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You don't even know me... </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Julio:</b> Whoa, whoa, whoa, the poem is not about you. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Julio:</b> The Empty Vase is not about you. My baby, you make me so sad that you
|
||
would think this. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I'm sorry, my friend Phoebe... </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Julio:</b> No, it's about all women. Well, all American women. You feel better now? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (sarcastically) Oh yeah. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Joey's audition, the director has returned and wants to see the combination.] </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Director:</b> All right, let's do it! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The group does the same horrible dance that Joey did earlier in the show, except
|
||
they're all out of sync and they do the jazz hands at the end.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Director:</b> No, no, no. What was that? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I know, it was the best I could get out of them. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Director:</b> Well, people! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> People, people, people. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Director:</b> Let's try it again, and this time let's watch everybody watch Joey.
|
||
(to Joey) Show 'em how it's done. (to the pianist) Count it off. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The pianist starts to play, and Joey readies himself, and then runs out of the
|
||
audition.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler and Rachel are there.] </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> So ah, did you have fun at the bachelor party last night? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh yeah, yeah! Look what I got, look what I got. (holds up a pen) See,
|
||
she's fully dressed, right? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Right. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> And then you click it and, uh-oh, she's naked. And then, and then you
|
||
click it again and she's dressed. She's a business woman, she's walking down the street,
|
||
she's window shopping, and (clicks pen) whoa-whoa-whoa, sh-she's naked! (Rachel just
|
||
stares at him.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hi. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hello. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know what, I'm, I'm gonna spend some alone time with the pen. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (sits down next to her) I'm sorry, I was an idiot. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> A big idiot. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> A big idiot. Just you have to realize is, this whole Mark thing is kinda
|
||
hard for me. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Gunther is eavesdropping in the background.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Honey, why is it hard, I mean we've been together for almost a year now?
|
||
</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I was with Carol for like eight years and I lost her. And now if
|
||
it's possible I think I love you even more. So, it's hard for me to believe that I'm not
|
||
gonna, well that someone else is not going to take you away. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Gunther:</b> Let it be me! Let it be me! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Honey, that's very sweet, it just seems to me though, that if two people
|
||
love each other and trust each other, like we do, there's no reason to be jealous. (she
|
||
kisses him) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I gotta get going. Bye Chandler. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, okay Ross. Listen, this pen is kinda getting boring, so can you
|
||
pick me up some porn? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Where ya going? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, I've got to go pick up Ben, we've got a play date this afternoon. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ohh, with who? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh, just this woman that I met last night at the party. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> There was a woman at the... (realizes) The stripper?! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> You have a play date with a stripper?! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Man, I gotta get a kid. (looks at the pen and starts laughing) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ah, yeah, yeah. Umm, we started talking after she y'know, did her thing.
|
||
And it turns out she's got a boy about Ben's age, so we're taking them to a gym-boree
|
||
class. Why, is that okay? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Sure, is she married? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ahh, no. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh. (starts shaking the sugar down in a packet really hard.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Are you jealous? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Noo, I y'know I don't see why she has to play with you, that's all. I
|
||
mean doesn't she have any y'know other stripper moms friends of her own? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> You are totally jealous. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I'm not jealous. All right this is about, umm, people feeling certain
|
||
things y'know about strippers. And y'know, and um, I... </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Honey, I love you too. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ugh. Wait, wait, wait. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She runs over and gives him a very passionate kiss.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Huh. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (to Chandler) Well, there's a kiss that he won't forget for a couple of
|
||
hours, y'know. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah. Either that, or you just turned him on and sent him off to a
|
||
stripper. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>Closing Credits</b> </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Moondance Diner.] </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Man:</b> (entering) Is there a Julio here? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Julio:</b> (to him) I am Julio. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The rest of barbershop quartet enters, and joins him.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Man:</b> (singing) Mister Pretensous, (Monica stands up in the background) you think
|
||
there's no one finer, well but your poems are unpublished, and you work in a diner. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Quartet:</b> Your no God's gift to women, that's all in your headdddd. You are just
|
||
a buttmunch. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Bass Singer:</b> No one likes a buttmunch. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Quartet:</b> And your also bad in bedd-edd-edd!. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica waves at Julio.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>End</b></p>
|
||
</font>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |