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<!-- saved from url=(0053)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season5/522jbb.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With Joey's Big Break</title>
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<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With Joey's Big Break</h1>
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<hr>
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<p>Teleplay by: Wil Calhoun<br>
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Story by: Shana Goldberg-Meehan<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a></p>
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<hr>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Phoebe are there reading. Rachel is sitting on the
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couch flanked by Ross and Monica. She suddenly stops reading and starts blinking her left
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eye as if it's bothering her. The problem is that Joey is on her left and thinks she's
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winking at him and winks back. Ross is watching this and isn't quite sure of what to make
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of it.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What's going on?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, my eye is a little itchy.</p>
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<p>(Ross turns to look at Joey.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Uhhh, mine too! Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (To Rachel) Wow! It's really red! You should go see my eye doctor.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Richard? I'm not gonna go see your ex-boyfriend!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, Richard. That's all I ever hear, Richard, Richard, Richard!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Since we've been going out, I think I've mentioned his name twice!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, so Richard, Richard!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> It's not Richard! Okay? It's this new guy and he's really good.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, I'm sorry I'm not going to an eye doctor!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh God, here we go!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Anytime anything comes close to touching her eye or anyone else's she like
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freaks out. Watch! Watch! (He takes his finger and moves it towards his eye.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (flinches) Ross! Come on! That's all right! Fine--Okay, I have a weird
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thing about my eye. Can we not talk about it please?</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> All right, fine.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey Rach, remember that great song, <i>Me, Myself, and I</i>? (And on
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the "I" part she mimics poking her eye.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (flinches again) Monica! Come on!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, does anybody want to get some lunch? All those in favor say I? (Pokes
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his eye)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (freaks) Ross! Stop it! Come on!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> How much did <b>I</b> love <i>The King and I</i>? (Oh, you get the
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point by now.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Chandler!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Me too! Me too! Me too! (Yeah, he does the same thing.) </p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Just stop it! Come on!</p>
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<p>(Joey howls in pain and holds his eye.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You okay there man?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, I got too excited!</p>
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<p align="center"><strong>Opening Credits</strong></p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Chandler, Monica, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> All right, I gotta go. I'm taking Ben to the park.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ohh, give him a kiss for me!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> All right, bye!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Bye!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Bye!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Later! (Exits.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (after he's gone) I am so sorry you got caught in the middle of that. I
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didn't mean to be so out there. I am furious with him!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Wow umm, calm down.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I'm trying, but <b>man</b> that guy can push my buttons!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Why are so mad at him?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Look, I don't wanna talk about it. Okay?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, it just seems that<61></p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You wanna be on my list too? Keep talking! Has anyone seem my list by
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the way?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Uh, no Pheebs. What's it look like?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh, it's a piece of paper and it says, "Ross" on it.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (entering, depressed) Hey. I just got off the phone with Estelle and guess
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what. (Pause, then very excitedly) I GOT THE LEAD IN A MOVIE!!!!!!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> You got the lead in a movie? That's amazing! What's the movie about?!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> It's called Shutter Speed, it's really cool! Yeah, umm, I meet this girl
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in the subway and we fall in love in like a day, right? And <b>then</b>, she
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disappears<EFBFBD> But I find out where she lives and when I get there this like old lady
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answers the door and I say, "Where's Betsy?" Right? And she says, "Betsy's
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been dead for 10 years."</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ohh-oh, chilling!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> And the best part is, we're filming in the desert outside Vegas! (To
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Chandler) And you know what that means buddy!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, I know that means buddy!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Road trip! Yeah, we can rent a car! I just have to be there by Tuesday!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh wait, my grandmother's dead.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, uh, we can talk about that too Pheebs.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No! No, her cab! She probably won't be using it; you can drive it to Las
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Vegas.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right! Thanks Pheebs!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Whoa-whoa-whoa, what are we going to do about my job?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh umm, not go.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, great, road trip baby! (To Monica) This okay with you?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Chandler! You don't have to ask for my permission. (Quietly) You can go.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Thank you.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey Rach, come on! We're gonna be late for the eye doctor appointment!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (entering from her bedroom) All right! Let's get this over with! Ugh!
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(She walks by the table and notices that no one is looking and accidentally on purpose
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knocks over the open cereal box.) Ohhh! No! Look what I did! (She starts walking through
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the mess. {Also, notice the continuity error in this scene. Note the position of the box
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and dispersal pattern of the cereal before and after the camera cut.}) Oh, I mean, look at
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this mess! I mean, we're probably gonna have to clean this up! Y'know? We're gonna have to
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reschedule!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No. If you thought this mess is going to bother me, you are wrong! All
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right, let's go Blinky! (She ushers Rachel out the door, but before the door fully closes
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she sticks her head back in.) Chandler!!!! (Chandler agrees to clean up the mess.)</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is reading a map as Phoebe enters.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh hey Joey! What's up?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I can't decide which route to take to Vegas. Hey, you've traveled a lot
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right?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah, I've been around.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, so-so which route should I take the northern route or the southern
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route?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh, if you take the northern route there's a man in Illinois with a
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beard of bees. {Okay, I must protest this, I've lived in Illinois all my life and know of
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no man with a beard of bees! Wisconsin, on the other hand, might be a different story.}</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Great! Problem solved!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> But on the southern route there's a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well, back to square one.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I know a way that you can decide! All right, I'm going to ask you a
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series of questions and you answer as quickly as you can.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (quickly) Yes!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Good, but wait. Okay, all right, here we go. Now I want you to relax.
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Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. (Quickly) Which do you like better peanut butter or
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egg whites?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Peanut butter!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Which would you rather be a fireman or a swimmer?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> A swimmer!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Monica. Oh<4F> huh, I always thought it would be Rachel.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No thinking! No thinking! Tie or ascot?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Ascot!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> North route or south route?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> North route!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Bamn! There you go! Huh?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Wow! That was incredible! Beard of bees, here I come!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, this guy again. (She ignores him.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey man, what's up?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uhh, not much. You guys want to see a movie tonight?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Sure, what do you want to see?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> I don't know, umm<6D></p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, I know how we can decide. Phoebe, show him your game!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, no thank you. (She gets up and moves to the couch. They were at a
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table previously.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What's with her?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I don't know. But hey, I know we can decide. Okay, I'm gonna ask you
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questions and you answer real quick. Okay?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What do you like better action or comedy?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Action.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Who would you rather sleep with Monica or Rachel? </p>
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<p>(Ross pauses and looks at him, Joey motions for him to hurry up.) </p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Dude, you are sick.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot you had that whole Rachel thing.</p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica's eye doctor's office, Monica and Rachel are waiting in an exam room and
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looking at this big white thing used to check eyes. I have no idea what it is, and if an
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ophthalmologist happens to know what that is, let me know.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God! What does <b>that</b> thing do?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (looks at it more closely) Oh that's an eye removal machine.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right, I'm outta here!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I'm kidding! I'm kidding!</p>
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<p>(Rachel heads for the door but is intercepted by the doctor.)</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>The Doctor:</b> Hi Rachel!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Hey!</p>
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<b>
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</b><p><b>The Doctor: </b>I'm Dr. Miller. Monica told me you were a little nervous, but don't
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worry everything's gonna be just fine.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> So were done then!</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Miller:</b> Almost! But first, we gotta start.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Miller:</b> This is a glaucoma test.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh-huh.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Miller:</b> Sit down.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Miller:</b> But your chin here. (She does so.) Now, you'll feel a small puff of
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air in each eye.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (jerks back from the tester) What?!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> A small puff of air, now come on!</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Miller:</b> Here we go.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Miller:</b> 1<>2<EFBFBD>3! (Rachel jerks back on 3.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> I'm sorry. All right, I'll just stay in here this time. (Puts her head
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back.) Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Miller:</b> Ready?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Uh-huh.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Miller:</b> 1<>2<EFBFBD> (She flinches on 2 this time.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know what, I'm gonna hold her head.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Miller:</b> That's okay.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay. (Monica backs off.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. Okay!</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Miller:</b> 1<>2! (She flinches again.) (Gives up.) Y'know what? You're
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young; you probably don't have glaucoma.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (really excited) Great!! It was very, very nice to meet you sir--Ow!
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Hey! What are you doing?! Are you crazy! (He took out that thing they use to look at
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people's retinas and looked at Rachel's when she was shaking his hand causing her to
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flinch and scream at him.)</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Miller:</b> Okay. You've got a small, minor infection in that left eye. I want
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you to take these drops three times a day and you'll be as good as new.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, no, I don't-I don't put things in my eye.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Miller:</b> Okay then, I guess we'll see you back here in three months.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Great!</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Miller:</b> And I'll fit you for a glass eye.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, just give me the damn drops! (Grabs them and storms out.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Dr. Miller? (She covers her right eye and reads from the chart) P E C F
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D.</p>
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<p><b>Dr. Miller:</b> Very good Monica! You know where they are.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I sure do! (She runs over to a drawer, opens it, and grabs a lollipop.)
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(To Rachel) And you don't get one!</p>
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<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe, Rachel, Monica, and Joey are there.]</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Y'know, I-I gotta tell ya, those eye drops are a miracle. My eye is a
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100% better.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> They're still in my coat.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Damn!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey! You ready to go?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, listen, how cold is it going to be there? Do I need a coat or
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will all these sweater vests be enough? (Holds up 3 of them in different colors.)</p>
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<p>(Monica stares at him.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I love you.</p>
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<p>{There's another continuity error here. Before Monica says I love you, Chandler's
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holding the vests so that you couldn't see the collar, you could see all three, and they
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were folding nicely. After she says the line and the camera cuts back to Chandler, you can
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only see two out of the three, you can see the collar of the top one, and it looks like it
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was folded sloppily, unlike before. Hey, you notice things while spending this much time
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on this!}</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Man, I wish Ross was coming with us! Y'know? I'm gonna miss him!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Thanks a lot! I just got that jerk out of my mind!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey, so where are we staying? Is the movie putting us up in a big
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hotel suite?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh no, not really. It's an independent film y'know? So we don't have a
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real big budget. I figured I'd just stay in your room.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> I see, but once you get your first paycheck you'll be springing a big
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hotel suite, right? I mean, lead in a movie, they must be paying you a lot?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh yeah! For every dollar Shutter Speed makes, one penny of it goes right
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in Joey's pocket.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> So you don't get paid unless the movie makes money?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Did you not hear the plot of the movie? "She's been dead for ten
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years." I'm gonna be a millionaire!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
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||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> I just wanna say good-bye to you guys <b>and</b> to see if you guys will
|
||
place a little bet for me, huh? Twenty bucks on black 15.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You got it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> All right!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey nods to Chandler, no way!)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, bye-bye now!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Bye!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Bye you guys!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Bye-bye!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I wanna say good-bye at the car!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Anybody want to say good-bye to me at the car?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh honey, I'll say good-bye to you at the car if you don't mind the
|
||
puss.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Pause.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> See ya! (Walks out.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, wait a minute! The puss is good! It means it's healing! (Runs
|
||
after him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey Pheebs, what 'cha reading? (Phoebe ignores him) Pheebs? (Turns away)
|
||
Hello? (He sits down next to her and she moves over a bit.) Phoebe? (He moves closer and
|
||
she keeps moving away.) Phoe-Phoebe! (They end up hanging over the arm rest.) Come on! (He
|
||
grabs the magazine away from her.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Phoebe, are you, are you mad at me, or something? 'Cause if are please,
|
||
tell me what it is I did!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, if you don't know I can't help you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I don't know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, I can't help you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, whatever it is I'm-I'm very, very sorry. Okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Apology accepted.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay. So we're, we're good?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh-huh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> All right. (Gets up.) I'll uh, I'll see you later, okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (quietly) Bye, fat ass. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> ALL RIGHT!! Phoebe now come on! Will you please tell me what it is I did
|
||
that mad you so mad at me!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I don't know! I don't remember!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Well if you can't remember, can't we just forget about this?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh no, I am mad at you. I know that much. But, I am sorry about the fat
|
||
ass thing. You actually have a very sweet little hiney. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross isn't sure what to do with that comment.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Phoebe's cab, Joey and Chandler are headed across the George Washington bridge
|
||
on their way to Las Vegas. Joey is driving.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Man, I'm getting pretty tired. You're might have to take over soon.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> We've been driving for a half-hour, and you haven't looked at the road
|
||
once.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Don't worry, it's out there! (Just then a horn honks and Joey quickly
|
||
looks at the road.) I think I just need lunch.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You wanna eat? (Pulls out the twenty) My treat!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Isn't that Ross's money?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah. Okay. Ross's treat! Where do you wanna eat?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don't know.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ooh, hey, I know how we can decide! All right, uh, I'm gonna ask you a
|
||
bunch of questions and then you have to answer real fast. Okay? So uh, clear your mind
|
||
Clear it right out! Clear it out! Clear!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay, uhh, would you rather be too wet or too dry?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Too dry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Do you believe in ghosts, yes or no?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Is this movie gonna be my big break?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (shocked) What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Dude you said, "No!"</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I also said, "Yes!"</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> You don't think this is going to be a big break for me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No! (Realizes) Ahhh!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> I don't believe this!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Look Joe, I just, I just don't want to get your hopes up real high.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What are you talking about?! I'm the lead in a movie!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> They're not even paying ya! This doesn't even sound like a real movie!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Y'know what? I don't need this! Okay? I don't know why you're dumping all
|
||
over my big break.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Joe, I don't think this is going to be your big break.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Is that why you're on this trip, huh? Make me feel like a loser? 'Cause if
|
||
it is, I'll tell ya, I-I-I'd rather be alone.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, you don't want me on the trip?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Not if you're gonna be like this!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, I'll tell ya what, the next time you ask me a question like
|
||
that I'll lie.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah! I don't want you on the trip!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right, fine! Fine! Why don't you pull over? I'll get out right
|
||
now!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Fine! (He slams on the brakes, stopping the car on the bridge to the sound
|
||
of numerous car horns.) Get out!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You're not actually supposed to stop on the bridge.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Get out!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> All right!! (Gets out and Joey speeds away.) Wait! Wait, there's no
|
||
sidewalk! Yeah, I'm gonna die here.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Commercial Break</strong></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Ross, Phoebe, Rachel, and Monica are there. Ross is trying to
|
||
figure out why Phoebe's mad at him.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, are you mad at me because my hair gel smells?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Are you angry at me because I said your handwriting is childlike?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No that made me feel precious.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, I know! Umm, is it because he's always correcting people's grammar?
|
||
Whom! Whom! Sometimes it's who!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah? Sometimes it's<> (Does the fist thing.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh, did you beat him at a board game? He turns into such a baby when he
|
||
starts to lose.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, <b>I'm</b> the baby. (Points at his eye.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Eh! Stop it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (entering) Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Chandler! What are you doing here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Joey kicked me out of the car on the George Washington bridge!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Why?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> I don't know! He went crazy! Y'know, we were playing that game where
|
||
you-you ask a question and you answer it really fast.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> That game should not be played without my supervision. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, I don't know what mad him so mad, y'know? All I said was that
|
||
uh, I didn't think this wasn't gonna be his big break, that this movie wasn't going to do
|
||
anything for him, and that uh, y'know it didn't sound like a real movie--Okay, he
|
||
should've pushed me off of the bridge.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What's in the bag?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Oh, I figured you guys would all be mad at me. So I got you some gifts
|
||
that I found on the side of the road. (Looks into the bag.) Who wants the teddy bear with
|
||
one leg?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I do!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is trying to apply her eye drops while Monica looks
|
||
on.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay. (She tilts her head back and squeezes the eyedropper. The only
|
||
problem is, it's not over her eye.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Not even close.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, then y'know what? Help me! I need help! I can't do this!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay! All right! Let's do it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Sit down. (They sit down on the couch.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Put your head back.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yes!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Now, open your eyes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay, they are. (No they're not.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> How many fingers am I holding up? (She's not holding any up.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (thinks) Four.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh my God, I was thinking four.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Really?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yes! All right, y'know what? Why don't we start with a practice run?
|
||
Okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No drops!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Great!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> On three, 1<>2<EFBFBD>3! (Rachel turns her head on three to avoid the
|
||
drops.) Now my pillow's all wet! (She was trying to fool Rachel and squeezed the
|
||
eyedropper.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Well, well, you said it was practice!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Then why did you move?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Because I knew you were lying!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, come here! (She gets up and drags Rachel off of the couch by
|
||
her legs.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (as she's being dragged) What are you? Monica!! Stop it!! Oh my God!
|
||
Stop it! (Monica drags her totally onto the floor and on her back.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I am going<6E> I'm going--Turn it over! (Rachel rolled onto her
|
||
stomach and Monica rolls her back.) I'm<> I am going to get these drops in your eyes.
|
||
(She is holding Rachel down with both hands and has the eyedropper in her mouth.) </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh my God! You really are freakishly strong!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica starts biting on the eyedropper, spraying the fluid all over. But Rachel keeps
|
||
turning her head back and forth and Monica keeps missing.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Monica! Stop it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (spitting out the eyedropper) Damn! It's empty!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wow, y'know if Joey and Chandler walked in right now, we could make a
|
||
fortune! (Monica is straddling Rachel and holding her arms down. In a rather risqu<71> pose,
|
||
at least for primetime TV.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse, Phoebe and Monica are playing cards as the
|
||
phone rings.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Ooh that is definitely Chandler, Joey, or Ross. (Thinks) Or-or Rachel!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (answers the phone) Hello? (Listens.) (To Phoebe) It's Joey. (Phoebe's
|
||
proud of herself.) (To Joey) I'm so glad you called! Chandler told me what happened.
|
||
Y'know he's really upset about it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (on a pay phone holding a box) Not as upset as he's gonna be when he finds
|
||
out what I did with his sweater vests!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What did you do to his sweater vests?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Let's just say there's a well-dressed pack of dogs in Ohio. Hey Monica
|
||
listen is-is Phoebe there? I gotta ask her something about the car.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Yeah, she's here. Hold on a second. (She hands the phone to Phoebe.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey, dude!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey Pheebs! Listen, this wooden box keeps sliding out from under the seat.
|
||
What-what is it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh that's my grandma. (Joey holds the box away from him.) And thanks
|
||
Joey she's having a really great time. (Joey is happy now.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (who has just entered) Is that Joey? Is that Joey? Let me talk to him!
|
||
I wanna talk to him!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay Joey? Chandler's here, he was wondering<6E> (We hear the dial
|
||
tone as Joey hangs up.) Okay, I guess he ran out of change.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know, he won't even talk to me. How am I going to apologize to him
|
||
if he won't even talk to me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, maybe you should send him something. So that when he gets to Las
|
||
Vegas he'll know that you're sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> That's a good idea. I wonder where I could (Pause) get a basket of
|
||
porn<EFBFBD></p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> No, don't-don't say I'm sorry with porn!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Y'know what you should send him? A cartoon of cigarettes. 'Cause that
|
||
why he could trade it for protection. No. That's prison.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> (entering) Okay Pheebs, I know how we're going to figure this out. Okay,
|
||
clear your mind and answer the first thing that comes into your head. Okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Uh-hmm.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What do you like better flora or fauna?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Fauna.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Who would you rather be Simon or Garfunkle?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Garfunkle.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Why are you mad at me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> You said I was boring--Ohh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> When did I say you were boring?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God, I remember now! We were playing chess!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Phoebe! You and I have <b>never</b> played chess!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, come on! Yes, remember that time on the frozen lake? We were playing
|
||
chess, you said I was boring, and then you took off your energy mask and you were Cameron
|
||
Diaz! (Realizes) Okay, there's a <b>chance</b> this may have been a dream.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The desert outside of Las Vegas, Joey is arriving and we hear the song, <i>Name</i>.
|
||
Y'know, (singing) <i>I've been through the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to
|
||
be out of the rain. In the desert, you can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one
|
||
for to give you no pain. La<4C>la<6C>la-la-la, la, la, la, la-la-la</i>. You get the
|
||
idea. Anyhoo, he pulls up and stops. As he gets out of the car, he spills a huge pill of
|
||
fast food containers out of the foot well.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey-hey! Stanley! Hey-hey! You're leading man is here! Let's get to work.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Stanley:</b> Umm, slight change of plans. We've shut down.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Wh-what?! Why?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Stanley:</b> It's a money thing, we don't have any.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (laughs) You're kidding right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Stanley:</b> No.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Stanley:</b> It-it's probably just temporary. We're hoping to get some more money
|
||
soon, so if could just uh, hang out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh, hang out?! How long?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Stanley:</b> I don't know. A week? Maybe two? The money will turn up! People will
|
||
always wanna invest in movies! Hey, you're not rich are ya?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> No!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Stanley:</b> Eh, worth a shot. (Gets into his car.) Look Joey, let me know where
|
||
you're staying, okay? (The car peels away.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(I think one of the grips walk up to Joey, mainly because there's a credit for The
|
||
Grip. What the heck is a grip anyway?!)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Grip:</b> Hey pal, are you Joey Tribbiani?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Grip:</b> These got left for ya. (He hands him a bunch of helium balloons.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Thanks. (The grip walks away.) (Reading the card.) Congratulations on your
|
||
big break. </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The rest of the crew start to drive away leaving Joey sad, alone, and holding his
|
||
congratulatory balloons as the song comes up again. <i>La-la-la. See, I've been through
|
||
the desert on a horse with no name! It felt good to be out of the rain! In the desert you
|
||
can't remember your name, 'cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain. La-la-la, la,
|
||
la, la<6C></i>)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the phone is ringing.]</p>
|
||
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||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (answering it) Hello?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (on phone from Vegas) Hey Monica, it's Joey!</p>
|
||
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||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Hey Joey! Aww, you remembered even though you're a big star!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Aw, come on! It'll be years before I forget you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Joey, what's it like on a movie set, huh? Do you have a dressing room?
|
||
Do you have a chair with your name on it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Uh, well yeah-yeah, I've got all of that going on. Yeah, listen uh, I want
|
||
you to make sure you tell Chandler that he couldn't have been more wrong! Uh-oh! I gotta
|
||
go Monica, my uh, my sushi's here! </p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Cut to Joey hanging up the phone in Vegas. He's wearing a Roman gladiator's uniform
|
||
and goes over to join a family to pose for a picture. You see, he's apparently taken a job
|
||
at <i>Caesar's Palace</i>.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (to the family) Sorry about that. Thanks for waitin'.</p>
|
||
<b>
|
||
|
||
</b><p><b>The Husband:</b> Okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Everybody smile! (The picture is taken) Okay, thanks a lot! Enjoy your
|
||
stay at <i>Caesar's</i>! We hope it's toga-rrific! (The family leaves.) Kill me. Kill me
|
||
now.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><strong>Ending Credits</strong></p>
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||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, The gang is surrounding Rachel at key positions.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey Rach, can you pass me the <i>TV Guide</i>?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yep!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(As she moves to get it, Monica yells<6C>)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Go!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe jumps to the floor as Ross tackles Rachel off of the couch. Chandler helps push
|
||
Rachel onto the floor by jumping over the back of the couch. Phoebe grabs Rachel's head to
|
||
hold it still and opens Rachel's eye as Monica jumps onto Chandler's back to administer
|
||
the torture--I mean medicine.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> What?!! Stop it! Stop it! Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay! Okay! Okay! (She succeeds in getting the eye drops in and everyone
|
||
climbs off of Rachel.) We'll see you in about 3 to 4 hours.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh! (She's trying to recover while still on the floor.)</p>
|
||
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<p align="center"><strong>End</strong></p>
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<hr>
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