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<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season3/309towfb.htm -->
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<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
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<title>The One With The Football</title>
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<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
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<body bgcolor="white" text="black" link="green" vlink="black" alink="yellow" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
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<h1 align="center">The One With The Football</h1>
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<hr align="center">
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<i>
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</i><p><i></i>Written by: Ira Ungerleider<br>
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Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Eric Aasen</a> </p>
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<hr>
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<font size="3">
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<p align="left">[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the whole gang is there, the guys are
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watching football, the girls are cooking Thanksgiving dinner.]</p>
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<p><b>The Guys:</b> (reacting to a play) Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Awww!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Hey, it’s your Thanksgiving too, y'know, instead of watching
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football, you could help.</p>
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<p><b>The Guys:</b> We will. (they don’t move)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, Rachel, you wanna put the marshmellows in concentric circles.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> No Mon, <b>you</b> want to put them in concentric circles. <b>I</b> want
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to do this. </p>
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<p>(Rachel sticks a marshmellow into Monica’s nose. Monica takes it out of her nose
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by closing one nostril, and blowing.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Every year.</p>
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<p align="center"><b>Opening Credits</b></p>
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<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier.]</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Y'know, for once, I am going to sit down and try to watch one of these
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things. (just as she sits down).</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Halftime.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hey, who wants to ah, throw the ball around a little, maybe get a little
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three on three going?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh! That would be sooo much fun!</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh, can I play too? I’ve never played football, like ever. </p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Great, you can cover Chandler.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, no, no, I don’t, I don’t really wanna play.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Come on man! You never want to do anything since you and Janice broke up.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> That’s not true! I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut
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clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Don’t say that I
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don’t have goals!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Chandler, you have to start getting over her. All right, if you play, you
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get some fresh air, maybe it’ll take your mind off Janice, and if you don’t
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play, everyone will be mad at you ‘cause the teams won’t be even. Come on.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yeah, all right, I’ll play.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yay!!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Let’s do it! Ross?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Do you wanna play football?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Um, Monica and I aren’t supposed to play football.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Says who? Your mom?</p>
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<p><b>Monica and Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, every, every Thanksgiving um, we used to have a touch football
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game called the ‘Geller Bowl.’</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, no, no, you say that proudly.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Anyway, Ross and I were always captains, and um, it got kind’ve
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competitive and one year, Geller Bowl VI, I accidentally broke Ross’s nose.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> It was soo <b>not</b> an accident. She saw I was about to tag her, so she
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threw her big fat grandma arm elbow right into my face. And just keep running.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> To score the winning touchdown, by the way.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Whoa, whoa, whoa, ho, ho, ho, you did not win the game, the touchdown
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didn’t count, because of the spectacularly illegal, oh and by the way savage nose
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breaking.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (to Chandler and Joey) I won the game.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh yeah! Then how come you didn’t get the Geller Cup?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Um, there was a Geller Cup?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game. But our Dad said,
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‘nobody won that game, ‘ and he was sick of our fighting, so he took the trophy
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and.... (pauses to collect himself, as he is on the verge of tears saying this) threw it
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in the lake.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> And was the curse lifted?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Anyway. That’s when our Mom said we were not to play football ever
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again.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know what, I think we should play a game. I mean come on, it’s
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been twelve years.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Can I see you for a second?</p>
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<p>(they walk over to the sink and discuss it for a moment)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> (shouting) Once!!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> All right, we’re gonna play.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> But wait a minute though, how are we gonna get there, though, because
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my Mom won’t let me cross the street.</p>
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<p>[Scene: The Park, the gang is warming up for their football game.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay. Let’s bring it in.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wait no, honey, honey throw it to me, throw it to me.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Here you go. (throws her the ball)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (knocking it down instead of catching it) That almost hit me in the
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face.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, we have to pick captains.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> And then Tineals.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, so how do we decide that?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Well, why don’t we just bunny up.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel, Chandler, and Joey:</b> What?</p>
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<p><b>Monica and Ross:</b> (holding both of their hands above their heads making rabbit
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ears with their fingers.) Bunny!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, looks like Ross and I are captains. Okay, so um, I bunnied first
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so that means I get to pick first. Joey.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Thank you.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Monica, I’m your best friend.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Sweetie, don’t worry you’ll get picked. Chandler.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Ross!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Phoebe.</p>
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<p>(Phoebe kisses Rachel on the cheek, then joins her team.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Sweetie, now I pick you.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> You don’t <b>pick</b> me! You’re <b>stuck</b> with me!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay. All right. So let’s see, let’s play from the trash can, to
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the lightpost. Right. Two hand touch, we’ll kick off.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> All right people listen, I’ve got exactly twenty-eight minutes
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before I have to baste again.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Wow! Just like in the pros.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Huddle up.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> (to his team) All right, huddle up, right over here.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wait for me! Wait for me! Wait for me! Oh cool, this is my first huddle.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay, so what do you guys really think of Chandler?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, Phoebe you know what you’re doing right?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Okay, Joey’s gonna catch it, and you and I are gonna block.</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> What’s block?</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Phoebe, I thought you said you know what you’re doing?</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I thought you meant in life.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Break.</p>
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<p>(Chandler is getting ready to kick off, Ross is holding the ball between his foot and
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finger.)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> The ball is Janice. The ball is Janice. (goes to kick the ball but
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kicks Ross’s foot instead.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Oww!! Son of a...!! Ow! Come on!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Sorry. I’m sorry. Y'know what, we’re just gonna throw it.</p>
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<p>(Chandler throws the ball to kick-off.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I got it. (catches the ball)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Go! Go! Go!</p>
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<p>(Joey runs up field and fakes out Ross and scores a touchdown. His team all celebrates
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the touchdown.)</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Score!! 7 to nothing!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (coming over to Ross, who is just getting up) Are you okay?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Come on, let’s go!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Losers walk!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, losers talk!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, no, no, actually losers rhyme.</p>
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<p>[cut to later, Ross’s team has the ball.]</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (coming up under center, just like a real quarterback does, and puts
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his hands between Ross’s legs.) Twenty-three!! Seventy-four!! (Ross stands up and
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looks at him) You wanna go shotgun?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (from the shotgun) Hike!</p>
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<p><b>Monica and Joey:</b> One-Mississippi. Two-Mississippi. Three-Mississippi.</p>
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<p>(Rachel runs a quick slant.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Over here!</p>
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<p>(Chandler throws her the ball, which she drops.)</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> (proud of her self) I almost caught that one!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Great! Now, the score is 7 to almost 7.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, (to Chandler) this play, I want you to do a down and out to the
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right. Okay. Break!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wait, what am I gonna do?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> You, you go long.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Wait, how long?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Until we start to look very small.</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Okay.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Break!!</p>
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<p>[cut to later, Monica’s team has the ball.]</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Set....hike!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> One-Mississippi, two-Mississippi, switch! Switch! Switch!!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> No, no, no, no, no!</p>
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<p>(Monica throws the ball over Joey’s head, it’s stopped from rolling away by a
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very beautiful woman.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Haaaaa! Hey-hey, thanks for stopping our ball.</p>
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<p><b>Woman:</b> (in a foreign accent) You are playing American football?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah! Wow, your like from a whole other country.</p>
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<p><b>Woman:</b> I’m Dutch.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Hi-hi, I’m Joey.</p>
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<p><b>Woman:</b> I’m Margha.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I’m sorry Dutch, I didn’t get that last little bit.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> (running up) Hey Joey, do you wanna play football or you wanna.. (sees
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Marhan) Hi, I’m Chandler.</p>
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<p><b>Margha:</b> Hello, Chandler.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Her name is Dutch, and also Marklan.</p>
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<p><b>Margha:</b> Margha.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Mar-klan.</p>
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<p><b>Margha:</b> Mar-gha.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Mar-haaaan.</p>
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<p>[cut to Ross and Monica.]</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Come on guys! Let’s go! Come on, it’s second down.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh, hello, it’s third down.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> No it’s not, it’s second.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Wow!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Wow, what?</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> It just amazes me that your still pulling stuff like this.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Pulling what? It’s second down.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, it’s second down. (turns away) Take all the second downs you
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need.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> I heard that!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well, I said it loud.</p>
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<p>[cut to Chandler, Joey, and Margha.]</p>
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<p><b>Margha:</b> It is okay, if I stay and watch?</p>
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<p><b>Chandler and Joey:</b> Yeah! Why don’t you stick around. You can sit right
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there.</p>
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<p>(she goes and sits down)</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, that went well.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> I think so.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know, I was thinking about ah, asking her for her number.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Thanks man, but I think it makes a stronger statement if I ask for it
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myself, y'know.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Whoa-ho, whoa! No, I was thinking about y'know for me, as a part of
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that whole getting over Janice thing you were talking about.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Oh, yeah, that. All right, means that much to ya, I’ll let you have
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her.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Thanks. What, let me have her?! What do mean? Like if you didn’t
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I wouldn’t have a shot?</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Well I don’t like to say it out loud, but, yeah! Don’t feel bad
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man, we all have our strengths. You’re better with numbers and stuff.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Math!! You’re giving me math! All right, look y'know what, forget
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about it, you go for the girl, we’ll see who gets her.</p>
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<p>[cut to later, in Ross’s huddle.]</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern to the left, okay. And
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sweetie..</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah, I know, go long. Y'know, it’s like all I’m doing is
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running back and forth from the huddle.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Well ah, you wanna just stay out there?</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Can I see that for second.</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah.</p>
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<p>(Rachel takes the ball from his hands and bounces it off of Ross’s forehead and
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Chandler catches the rebound.)</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay. Hut! Hike!</p>
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<p>(Chandler runs around behind Ross, who pitches him the ball. Chandler runs upfield, and
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Joey knocks the ball out of his hands.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Fumble!</p>
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<p>(Joey starts to return the fumble and Chandler grabs Joey’s shirt and rips it off
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of his back.)</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> What the hell’s the matter with you?! This is my favourite jersey.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well now you have two. Hey, I am good at math.</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> All right, that’s it. Y'know I was still gonna let you have her. But
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now, forget about it. Prepare to feel very bad about yourself.</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey! Well, I’ve been preparing for that my entire life! Or
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something about you that’s mean!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, come on guys, let’s go! Tie score, and we’re
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runnin’ out of time. Forty-two!! Thirty-eight!! Hike! (the timer sounds as Monica
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throws the ball to Phoebe.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh I got it!! (catches the ball) Oh! Ew! Broken boob! Ow!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> Pheebs, run!</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> Run, Phoebe, run!</p>
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<p>(Phoebe runs and scores a touchdown.)</p>
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<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Touchdown!! Touchdown!!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Uh, hello, the buzzer buzzed. It doesn’t count.</p>
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<p><b>Monica:</b> After the snap!</p>
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<p><b>Ross:</b> Before the snap!</p>
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<p><b>Joey:</b> After!!</p>
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<p><b>Chandler:</b> Before!!</p>
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<p><b>Rachel:</b> Now, does it really matter?</p>
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<p><b>All:</b> Yes!!</p>
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|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Well, okay, I made a touchdown. It was my first touchdown. So?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh Pheebs, that’s great. It doesn’t count.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Does so count!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Cheater, cheater, compulsive eater.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know what, that’s fine, maybe you haven’t grown up, but I
|
||
have.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh-ho, okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Dead leg!! (kicks him in the thigh.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Ow! Ow! Okay, okay, fine, fine! All right, you wanna win by cheating, go
|
||
ahead, all right. Phoebe the touchdown does count, you win.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Woo-yay!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No! Listen, I’m not gonna go through this with you again, okay.
|
||
Just once I wanna beat when you can’t blame it on the broken nose, the buzzer, or the
|
||
fact that you thought you were getting mono. Let’s just call this, tie score and
|
||
it’s halftime.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, first of all, I don’t play with cheaters, and second of all,
|
||
you know I had swollen glands!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Y'know what? I’ll think you’ll play.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Oh really! Why is that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[cut to Monica and Rachel’s.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Because the winner gets this!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> The Geller Cup.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a two by four?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All:</b> Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, good.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>Commercial Break</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The park, the gang is returning to play the second half of the game.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, where in the hell did you get that?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> When Mom and Dad drove you to the hospital to get your nose fixed, I
|
||
swam into the lake and fished it out.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> That cup is mine!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No it’s not! You want it, you’re gonna have to win it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> All right, so are we not having dinner at all?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Come on Phoebe, let’s go! Come on, it’s time to get serious,
|
||
huddle up. Joey, keep your head in the game.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> It’s hard, y'know, his huddle is closer to Dutch girl.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right look, if I take Chandler out of the running will you be able
|
||
to focus?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> What are you gonna do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, you just make sure that Chandler catches the ball, I’ll
|
||
take care of the rest.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Break!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Here you go!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey throws the ball to Chandler)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Chandler! Chandler!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Chandler catches the ball and starts to run upfield.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> (to Margha) Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(just as he gets in front of Margha, Monica comes up and tackles him)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Whoa! Whoa!! Tackled by a girl! Bet ya don’t see that everyday, do
|
||
ya?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What’s with the tackling?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> What?! I just touched him and he went over.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, you wanna play rough, we can play rough.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They both stare each other down as we hear ‘Let’s get ready to
|
||
r-r-r-rum-ble!!!’)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(A long football sequence follows.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Sequence 1: Monica throws the ball over Chandler’s head to Joey who catches it
|
||
for a touchdown, and starts to dance in celebration. Chandler then tackles him, and he
|
||
starts to dance in celebration.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Sequence 2: Monica runs upfield and stops, waiting for a pass. Ross runs over and
|
||
pulls her pants down, steps in front of her and intercepts the pass.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Sequence 3: Chandler throws a pass to Ross, who catches it. Phoebe starts screaming
|
||
and runs up to him and tries to tackle him. But all she ends up doing is running around
|
||
his waist and screaming.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Sequence 4: Ross hikes the ball to Chandler, and the camera pans down to show Rachel
|
||
standing deep in the end zone, playing with her gum. Something hits her on the head and
|
||
she looks up to see where it came from.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Sequence 5: Monica hands the ball off to Phoebe, who runs up field and delivers a
|
||
fore-arm shiver to Chandler, knocking him over and scores the touchdown, and she yells...]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> I love this game!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[cut to Ross who walks up to Rachel who is eating a baked pretzel.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey, where’d you get that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I went really long.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Forty-two to twenty-one! Like the turkey, Ross is done!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> It’s no surprise that your winning, ‘cause you got to pick
|
||
first, so you got the better team.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> You’re so pathetic! Why can’t you just accept it, we’re
|
||
winning because I’m better than you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross makes a ‘Yeah. Right.’ sound.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, what a great argument, exhaling! All right, y'know what, I’ll
|
||
prove it to you, okay. I’ll trade you Joey for Rachel, and I’ll still win the
|
||
game.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> What?! The guys against the girls? See, that’s ridiculous Monica,
|
||
because I’m only down by three touchdowns.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Oh, then bring it on! Oh, unless of course your afraid you might lose to
|
||
a bunch of girls.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Fine, fine, Rachel your with Monica, Joey you’re with me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I can not believe your trading me!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Come on Rach, come on. Let’s see what’s it like to be on a
|
||
winning team for a change.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Are you gonna let me play?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right then.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[cut to the guys’ team.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Margha:</b> (coming over) The game is over, we eat now?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No-no-no-no, the game’s not over, we’re just switching
|
||
teams.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Yeah, Chandler finds me so intimdating that it’s better if we’re
|
||
on the same team.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Right. Okay, let’s play. Let’s go.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> No ah, hold on a second Joe, where do Dutch people come from?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Ah well, the ah, Pennsylvania Dutch, come from Pennsylvania.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> And the other ah, Dutch people, they come on from somewhere near the
|
||
Netherlands, right?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Nice try. (to Margha) See the Netherlands is this make believe place where
|
||
Peter Pan and Tinker Bell come from.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Margha:</b> Oh, my.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Enough with geography for the insane, okay? Let’s play some ball,
|
||
guys.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Whoa, whoa, no, no, I-I’m not playing with this guy, now.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Fine with me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Okay, y'know what, let’s just cut to the chase here. Okay? Heidi,
|
||
which of my boys do you like?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler and Joey:</b> What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? </p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Margha:</b> Which do I like?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Yeah, y'know for dating, general merriment, taking back to your
|
||
windmill...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Margha:</b> Well, if I had to chose right now, which by the way I find really weird,
|
||
I would have to say, Chandler.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Wait a minute! Wait a minute! She obviously didn’t understand the
|
||
question.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Well, you don’t you have Captain Hook explain it to her.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Margha:</b> I’m sorry, Joey, that is my chose.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> You hear that! That is her chose, mister I’ll let you have her! I
|
||
win! You suck! I rule all! A mini-wave in celebration of me!! (does the wave.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Margha:</b> I’m now thinking I would like to change my answer to, no one.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Wh-what?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Margha:</b> I now find you shallow and um, a dork. All right, bye.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> Nice going. You just saved yourself a couple months of sex.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Y'know what, it doesn’t matter, ‘cause she picked me. Me!
|
||
From now on I get the dates and you have to stay home on Saturday nights watching <i>Ready,
|
||
Set, Cook!</i></p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Save the breakthroughs for therapy, okay. The clock is ticking. We have no
|
||
time, and we are losing, we are losing to girls.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> We’re not gonna lose to girls.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! It’s 42-21!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> This sucks, I was just up by that much!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Are we playing football or what? Come on you hairy-backed Marries.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[cut to the girls huddle.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> We have to do this. We are playing for women everywhere. Okay, just
|
||
think about every lousy date that you ever had, okay, every guy who kept on the TV while
|
||
you’re making out...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Oh my God! You dated someone with a glass eye too?!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Come on, okay, come on this is for all womankind. Let’s kill
|
||
‘um!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Yeah!!! Kill ‘um!!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> All right, no, well I want to kill them to, but their boys, y'know how
|
||
are we gonna beat three boys?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Another football sequence follows)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Sequence 1: Chandler is running past Phoebe with the ball, Phoebe flashes him, he
|
||
stops and stares dumbfounded at her. Phoebe then runs up and takes the ball away.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Sequence 2: Phoebe throws the ball, and it’s intercepted by Joey, who starts to
|
||
run up field. Rachel jumps on his back in order to try and tackle him, but she
|
||
doesn’t slow him down. Monica and Phoebe then both grab her legs in order to stop
|
||
Joey, who still manages to fight through the tackle and score the touchdown.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Sequence 3: Chandler is running with the ball, Phoebe flashes him again, but Chandler
|
||
covers his eyes, and keeps running. He then runs into a tree at the end of the field.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[cut to the girls huddle]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, we still have a minute and a half to go, and we’re down
|
||
by two points. Two points.... (she gets interrupted by the guys, who are doing a
|
||
slow-motion high five.) Phoebe you do a button-hook again. Rachel, you go long.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> No! Come on! Don’t make me go long. Use me. They never cover me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Honey, there’s a reason.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> God, I’m not lame, okay. I can do something. I can throw, would you
|
||
let me throw, come on this is my game too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Come on Mon, let her throw the ball.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right Rachel, you sweep behind, I’ll pitch it to you, you throw
|
||
it down field to Phoebe. All right. Break.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Thank you! Break!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Thirty-two! Seventy-one! Hike!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe snaps the ball to Monica, who pitches back to Rachel.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Guys:</b> One-Mississippi! Two-Mississippi! Three-Mississippi!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They all rush toward Rachel, who panics and runs away. She runs out of the park and up
|
||
along the fence, she then comes back into the park and runs past Monica, as she gets to
|
||
Monica, she throws the ball at Monica, and it hits her in the eye.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m so sorry! Are you okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No! I’m not okay!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> I’m sorry, they were just all coming at me, and I didn’t know
|
||
what to do.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> (looking at the timer) Thirty seconds left on the timer!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Okay, okay, so we get to take that stupid troll thing home!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Come on! Come on! Hurry! We’re running out of time! Huddle up!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Okay. Oooh! Oh, this is our last huddle, yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> All right, Phoebe get open. Rachel, go long.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (on the verge of tears) Okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Break!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(In slow motion, Phoebe snaps the ball, Rachel goes long. Joey and Chandler and all
|
||
over Phoebe, leaving Rachel wide open. Ross starts to rush Monica, who sees Phoebe is
|
||
double covered, in desperation she throws to Rachel. We see flying through the air, and
|
||
then Rachel running underneath it, then the ball, then Rachel again, then the ball, then
|
||
Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey staring at it in shock. Then with the grace of Jerry Rice (no
|
||
offense to Jerry Rice), Rachel catches the ball, and she stops and spikes the ball. Both
|
||
Phoebe and Monica erupt in celebration.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (in triumph) I got a touchdown! We did it!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Hey-hey-hey Rachel, funny thing. Actually, the ah, end zone starts at
|
||
that pole, so you’re five feet short, so we win!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Wait-wait-wait-wait! So, explain something to me though, if, if nobody
|
||
tagged Rachel, then isn’t the play still going.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(they all start to dive for the ball and Monica and Ross grab it at the same time.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Let go! Let go!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Let go! I’m a tiny little woman!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Guys! Guys! Come on! It’s Thanksgiving, it’s not important
|
||
who wins or loses. The important thing is, (to Joey) the Dutch girl picked me! Me! Not
|
||
you! Holland loves Chandler! Thank you, Amsterdam! Good night!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Ow!!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>Closing Credits</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey are eating Thanksgiving
|
||
dinner.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> We should defiantly play football more often. Maybe there’s a like
|
||
league we could join or something.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Isn’t there a national football league.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler:</b> Yes. Yes, there is, they play on Sundays and Monday nights.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> Oh shoot! I work Monday nights.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> Umm, this stuffing is amazing. Do you think we should bring them some?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey:</b> When they’re hungry enough, they’ll come in.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The park, it’s dark outside and Monica and Ross are still fighting over
|
||
the ball.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Let go!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> No! You let go!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> No!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> How come it’s always us left in the field holding the ball?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> I don’t know. I guess the other people just don’t care enough.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(It starts snowing.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Hey! It’s starting to snow.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They both look up, and watch it start to snow. Then they both start fighting for the
|
||
ball again.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross:</b> Gimme the this!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> Let go!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>End</b></p>
|
||
</font>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |