mirror of
https://github.com/bvanroll/startrek-ml.git
synced 2025-08-29 20:12:40 +00:00
918 lines
33 KiB
HTML
918 lines
33 KiB
HTML
|
||
<!-- saved from url=(0055)http://www.livesinabox.com/friends/season1/117part2.htm -->
|
||
<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=windows-1252">
|
||
<title>The One With Two Parts, Part 2</title>
|
||
<style id="holderjs-style" type="text/css"></style><link type="text/css" rel="stylesheet" href="chrome-extension://pioclpoplcdbaefihamjohnefbikjilc/content.css"></head>
|
||
|
||
<body bgcolor="#FFFFFF" link="#008000" class=" __plain_text_READY__">
|
||
|
||
<h1 align="center">The One With Two Parts, Part 2</h1>
|
||
|
||
<hr>
|
||
<font size="3">
|
||
|
||
<p>Written by: Marta Kauffman & David Crane<br>
|
||
Transcribed by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Mindy Mattingly</a><br>
|
||
With Minor Adjustments by: <a href="mailto:Ericaasen1@aol.com">Tennant Stuart</a> </p>
|
||
|
||
<hr>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>Opening Credits</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: An Emergency Room, Rachel and Monica enter. Rachel is limping and leaning
|
||
on Monica for support.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They reach the desk. The bored nurse thinks she's heard it all before.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Hi. Uh, my friend here was taking down our Christmas lights, and and she
|
||
fell off the balcony and may have broken her foot or or ankle or something.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Nurse</b>: My god. You still have your Christmas lights up?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel glares at the nurse, who gives Monica a form attached to a clipboard.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Nurse</b>: Fill this out and bring it back to me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica helps Rachel over to a vacant seat.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica starts on the form, while Rachel catches her breath and massages her ankle.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Okay, ooh, alright. Name, address... Okay, in case of emergency, call?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: You.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Yeah.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Oh, that is so sweet. (Touched, she puts an arm around her friend and
|
||
kisses her.) Oh gosh, love you. Insurance?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Oh, yeah, check it. Definitely, I want some of that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: (No longer touched) you don't have insurance?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Why, how much is this gonna cost?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be a couple hundred dollars.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Wel-wel-well what are we gonna do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Well there's not much we can do.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: (Like a big baby) Um... unless, unless I use yours.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Hah, no no no no no no no no no no.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: (Tapping the clipboard) well, now, wait a second, who did I just put as
|
||
my "In case of emergency" person?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: (Looking around to check that no-one's listening, then lowering her
|
||
voice anyway) That's insurance fraud.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Well, alright, then, forget it. (Getting up to go) Might as well just go
|
||
home. Ow ow ow ow!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: (Jumping up to make Rachel sit down) Okay, okay. I hate this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Thank you. Thank you. I love you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: (to the nurse) Hi, (tiny laugh) um, I'm gonna need a new set of (tiny
|
||
laugh) these forms (tiny laugh).</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Nurse</b>: Why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: (Tiny laugh) I am really an idiot. (Tiny laugh) you see, I was filling
|
||
out my friend's form, and instead of putting her information, (tiny laugh) I put mine.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Nurse</b>: You <b>are</b> an idiot. (She hands over a blank form).</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: (Tiny laugh) yep, that's me, (tiny laugh) I am <b>that</b> stupid (tiny
|
||
laugh).</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, has split up his newspaper so Joey can look at the
|
||
funnies, while Ross's inappropriate joke at Lamaze class has come back to haunt him.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler and Joey</b>: That's nice.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: No, no, <b>with</b> him. (He mimes holding the baby like a football.) I'm
|
||
on this field, and they, they <b>hike</b> me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do
|
||
something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right <b>at</b> me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Right, but, it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us.
|
||
And so I uh, hah-hah, I just <b>heave</b> it down field.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: What are you crazy? That's a baby!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: He should take the sack?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Anyway, suddenly I'm down field, and I realise that <b>I'm</b> the one
|
||
who's supposed to catch him, right? Only I know there is no way I'm gonna get there in
|
||
time, so I am running, and running, and that, that is when I woke up. See I, I am <b>so</b>
|
||
not ready to be a father.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: Hey, you're gonna be fine. You're one of the most caring, most
|
||
responsible men in North America. You're gonna make a great dad.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: Yeah, Ross. You and the baby just need better blocking.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Feeling a little better, Ross fetches more coffee.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: Oh, have either one of you guys ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it real
|
||
expensive?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: Well, only if you order stuff.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: I'm takin' Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Wo-wo-whoa. What about <b>Phoebe's</b> birthday?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: When's that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Tonight.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey begins to contemplate his ill fortune.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: You take your time.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey looks at his friends, thinks a bit more, then realises.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: There it is! So what're you gonna do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: What can I do? Look, I don't want to do anything to screw it up with
|
||
Ursula.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: And your friend Phoebe?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: Well, if she's my friend, hopefully she'll understand. I mean, wouldn't
|
||
you guys?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: Man, if you tried something like that on <b>my</b> birthday, you'd be
|
||
starin' at the business end of a hissy fit.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey gestures to show that he wouldn't dare...)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Hospital, Monica and Rachel are waiting for the doctors to arrive.
|
||
They enter and are played by Noah Wyle and George Clooney.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Mitchell</b>: ..you add a pinch of saffron, it makes all the difference.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(They approach the young ladies. Dr. Mitchell consults Ms.Geller's admissions form.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Mitchell</b>: Okay, errrr, Monica?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Yes? (jumping as Rachel punches her arm) ..yes, she is.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b> (as Monica): Hi, this is my friend Rachel.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b> (as Rachel): Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Mitchell</b>: (Smiling) Hi, err Rachel. I'm Dr.Mitchell.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Rosen</b>: (Smiling even more and attempting to take over) And I'm his friend,
|
||
Dr.Rosen.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica and Rachel smile back prettily.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Aren't you a little cute to be a doctor?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Rosen</b>: Excuse me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: I meant er, (struggling to concentrate) young, young, I meant young,
|
||
young to be a doctor. Oh good, Rach.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b> (as Rachel): Thank you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b> (as Monica): Right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone but Joey is waiting for Phoebe to arrive for her
|
||
surprise birthday party. Rachel and Monica is telling Chandler about Rachel's
|
||
incident.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: ..so, he said it was just a sprain, and that was it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Uh, you left out the stupid part.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Not stupid. The very cute, cute, cute doctors asked us out for tomorrow
|
||
night, and I said "yes."</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: I think it's totally insane, I mean, they work for the hospital. It's
|
||
like returning to the scene of the crime. You know, I say we blow off the dates.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: What? Monica, they are cute, they are doctors, (spelling it out in the
|
||
air for her slow friend) cute doctors, doctors who are cute!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: Alright, what have we learned so far?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(There is a knock at the door. Someone turns the music off, then the whole party runs
|
||
and hides, except for Monica and Rachel who answer their door. Ross stands in the doorway,
|
||
holding a box, but everyone is too keyed up to notice that it's him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>The Whole Party</b>: (Jumping up) <b>SURPRISE!!!</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross is so startled that he throws his arms up to defend himself. The box takes off,
|
||
then lands with a squishy thud, its contents oozing out onto the floor. Ross is not
|
||
pleased.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: What the hell are you doing? You scared the crap outta me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Was that the cake?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Yeah, yeah. I got a lemon schmush.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Come on, she'll be here any minute.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The whole party gathers round as Ross puts the box on the coffee table.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: I hope it's okay.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(As Ross opens the lid, everybody looks at the mess inside.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Oh...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: (Reading) "Happy Birthday Peehe."</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Well maybe we can make a, a, a 'B' out of one of those roses.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe quietly wanders in, to join the tableau.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: (Still annoyed) Yeah, we'll just use our special <b>cake</b> tools.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: Hey, what's going on?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Oh, we just...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe's Friends</b>: (Finally noticing the guest of honour) <b>Surprise!</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: (Delighted) oh, oh, oh! This is so great! Oh my god! This was not at all
|
||
scary. Hi everybody. Hi Betty! Betty, Hi! (Thrilled) You found Betty! Oh my god! (Hugging
|
||
people) This is great. Everybody I love is in the same room, (still happy) Where's Joey?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The party falls flat. Chandler tries to think of a witticism, but even he can't
|
||
help...)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: Did you see Betty?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Betty waggles her fingers to say "Hi", but Phoebe feels her birthday has
|
||
been ruined by her twin.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: A Restaurant, Ross is having lunch with his father who is examining his next
|
||
forkful.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Mr. Geller:</strong> I tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a piece of
|
||
this sun-dried tomato business. Five years ago, if somebody had said to me, here's a
|
||
tomato that looks like a prune, I'd say "get out of my office!"</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Dad, before I was born, did you freak out at all?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Mr. Geller:</strong> I'm not freaking out, I'm just saying, if somebody had
|
||
come to me with the idea andndash;</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Dad, dad, dad, I'm talkin' about the whole uh, baby thing. Did you uh,
|
||
ever get this sort of... panicky, "Oh my god I'm gonna be a father" kind of a
|
||
thing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Mr. Geller:</strong> No. Your mother really did the work. I was busy with the
|
||
business. I wasn't around that much. Is that what this is about?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: No, no, Dad, I was just wondering.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Mr. Geller:</strong> 'Cause there's time to make up for that. We can do stuff
|
||
together. You always wanted to go to that Colonial Williamsburg. How 'bout we do that?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Thanks, Dad, really, I ju... you know, I just, I just needed to know,
|
||
um... when did you start to feel like a father?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Mr. Geller:</strong> Oh, well, I, I guess it musta been the day after you were
|
||
born. We were in the hospital room, your mother was asleep, and they brought you in and
|
||
gave you to me. You were this ugly little red thing, and all of a sudden you grabbed my
|
||
finger with your whole fist. And you squeezed it, so tight. And that's when I knew.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross is so moved by his father's charming story, that he stops eating.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Mr. Geller:</strong> So you don't wanna go to Williamsburg?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: No, we can go to Williamsburg.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><strong>Mr. Geller:</strong> Eat your fish.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is just getting off of the intercom and turns off
|
||
the TV which is still in the SAP mode.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Rachel, the cute doctors are here.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: (entering from her room) Okay, coming!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica opens the door for Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Geoffrey.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Hi, come on in.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Mitchell:</b> Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Hi, Geoffrey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Rosen:</b> Ah here, we brought wine.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Mitchell:</b> Look at this, it's from the cellars of Ernest and Tova Borgnine,
|
||
so how could we resist?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Oh, that's great. Look at that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Rosen:</b> So, Monica, how's the ankle?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: It's uh...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel discreetly coughs to warn her.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b> (as Rachel): ..well, why don't you tell them? After all it, <b>is</b>
|
||
your ankle.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b> (as Monica): You know what, it's feeling a lot better, thank you, um...
|
||
Well, listen, why don't you two sit down and, and we'll get you some glasses... okay...
|
||
(They don't know what to do with their coats and Monica points to the living room) STAT!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel joins Monica who is in the kitchen area, opening the wine bottle. Rachel checks
|
||
that the doctors aren't listening, then lowers her voice anyway.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Okay, listen, I'm thinking, why don't we just tell them who we really
|
||
are? I mean, it'll be fine, I really think it'll be fine.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: It will <b>not</b> be fine. We'll get in trouble.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Oh, Monica! Would you <b>stop</b> being such a <b>wuss</b>?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: A wuss? Excuse me for living in the real world, okay?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Back at the couch, Dr. Mitchell and Dr. Rosen have concerns of their own.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Mitchell:</b> So?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Rosen:</b> So... they sss-still seem normal.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Mitchell:</b> That's because they are.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Rosen:</b> (Nervously) okay, but you have to admit that every time we go out...
|
||
Women we meet at the hospital... It turns into...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Mitchell:</b> Willya relax? Look around. No pagan altars, no piles of bones in
|
||
the corners, they're fine. (Baring his teeth to clean them with his finger) Go like this.
|
||
(Dr. Rosen obeys.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Meanwhile, back at the sink.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: I said we are not going to do it, okay? Sometimes you can be such a, a
|
||
big baby.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: (Resenting the truth) I am <b>not a baby!</b> You know what? I swear to
|
||
god, just because you get so uptight every time we...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Sure, every time, you're such a princess...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: You know what?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: You know what?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: What!?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: You know what?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: (getting angry) <b>What!!?</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Every day, you are becoming more and more like your mother.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel brightly limps back across the apartment with glasses of wine for the cute
|
||
doctors, leaving an open-mouthed Monica in her wake.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Hello! Here we go!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Rosen:</b> This is a great place. How long have you lived here?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (as Monica) Thanks! I've been here about six years, and Rachel moved in
|
||
a few months ago.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (as Rachel) Yeah... (joining the others) ..see, I was supposed to get
|
||
married, but, um, I left the guy at the altar.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel tries to hide her alarm, but she squirms in her chair.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Mitchell:</b> Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (as Rachel) Yeah... Yeah, I know it's pretty selfish, but haha, hey,
|
||
that's me. (Indicating a dish on the table) Why don't you try the hummus?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Rosen:</b> So, Monica, what do you do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (as Monica) Aahh, I'm a... chef at a restaurant uptown.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Rosen:</b> Good for you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (as Monica) Yeah it is, mostly because I get to <b>boss</b> people
|
||
around, which I just <b>love</b> to do.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Rosen:</b> This hummus is great.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Mitchell:</b> God bless the chickpea.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (as Rachel) (Suddenly laughing) Oh, god, I am so spoiled... That's it!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The doctors don't know what to make of all this.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (as Monica) And by the way, have I mentioned that back in high school, I
|
||
was a cow?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (as Rachel) I used to wet my bed.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (as Monica) I use my breasts to get other people's attention.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (as Rachel) (Revealing her anger to point at her best friend) <b>We both
|
||
do that!</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel lets her anger show too. Hideously embarrassed, the doctors drain their glasses
|
||
in the vicious pause which follows. The telephone rings, but the girls just glower at each
|
||
other, silently daring the other to move first. Finally both guys jump up, and Michael
|
||
wins.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Mitchell:</b> (on the phone) Monica and Rachel's apartment. Err yeh, aayah, yeh,
|
||
just one second... (handing it to Monica) ..ah, Rachel, it's your dad.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (as Rachel) Hi, Dad. No, no, it's me. (Getting up to move further away
|
||
from Rachel) li-listen, Dad, I can't talk right now, um, but there's something, um...
|
||
there's something that I've been meaning to tell you...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica glares triumphantly across the room, scaring Rachel who also stands up.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Would you excuse me for a second?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (as Rachel) Remember back in freshman year? (Talking fast before Rachel
|
||
can catch her) Well, Billy Dreskin and I had sex on your bed.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Completely undone by Monica's verbal destruction, Rachel almost loses her balance as
|
||
she staggers backwards, eyes agog, gasping for breath, and literally not knowing which way
|
||
to turn. Finally, she escapes into the bathroom while a resigned Dr. Mitchell looks
|
||
philosophically at Dr. Rosen who seems about remind him of the good old days at the pagan
|
||
altar.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>Commercial Break</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross, Phoebe, Chandler and Monica sit
|
||
round the coffee table, playing Scrabble. Rachel, still in her dressing gown, is pleading
|
||
on the phone, her free hand shaking with agitation.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: (on phone) Daddy... Daddy... Daddy, why whyyy would I sleep with Billy
|
||
Dreskin? His father tried to put you out of business! (Rachel turns to Monica, clasping
|
||
the receiver to her bosom so Dr.Green can't hear, while mouthing "You are...")
|
||
...dead!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica smiles a sweet apology of regret, until she's distracted by Marcel as he
|
||
clambers all over her nice furniture.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Ross, he's got the remote again.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Good. Maybe <b>he</b> can switch it back.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Marcel changes channel to Bugs Bunny, who is speaking in Spanish.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Maybe not.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Meanwhile, Rachel has taken another call, from a nurse she'd hoped never to hear from
|
||
again.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Hello? (Listens) Um, yeah, uh, (snapping her fingers at Ross who takes
|
||
the remote from Marcel, then turns off the TV) Okay ah, hold on a second, lemme lemme just
|
||
check and see if see if she's here.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(All animosity forgotten, Rachel holds the receiver out as she limps quickly over to
|
||
her friend, who stands up in concern.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: It's the woman from the hospital admissions office. She says there's a
|
||
problem with the form. Oh, god, oh god...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel and Monica</b>: Oh god, waddawe do, waddawe do, waddawe do?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: I don't know! Why don't you just explain? What do they want? Find out
|
||
what they want!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Okay (desperately hands the receiver over) no, you do it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (taking the phone) Hello, this is Monica... Yeah??? Oh... (Smiles at
|
||
Rachel to reassure her) Okay, yes, we'll be right, we'll be right down.(Listens) Thank
|
||
you. (Hangs up)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Ohhh... (slumping in relief) Okay, you were right. You were right! This
|
||
was just not worth it.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Thank you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Okay, let me just change.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Yes.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel goes to her room.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: (entering quietly) Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross and Chandler</b>: Hey!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: Trouble?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: Your sister stood me up the other night.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: Oh, no. Don't you <b>hate</b> it when people aren't <b>there</b> for
|
||
you?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Well did you try calling <b>her</b>?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: I've been trying for two days. When I called the restaurant, they said she
|
||
was too busy to talk. I can't believe she's blowin' me off.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey, but as she watches him shaking his head in pain
|
||
and disbelief, she knows that it isn't his fault.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering. Ursula returns with two plates of chicken, but she
|
||
only has time to set one on the table, when...]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ursula turns in surprise.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ursula</b>: Oh!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: Um you, you got a minute?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ursula</b>: Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively at the concept) ..working.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over, side by side, to sit down.
|
||
Departing customers walk right past the pair. Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman
|
||
looks most annoyed as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: So.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ursula</b>: Uh-huh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ursula is genuinely pleased that her sister has visited her, after so many years.
|
||
Phoebe hesitates over how best to begin.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: Um, oh, I got you a birthday present.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat, while Phoebe removes a present from
|
||
her bag.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ursula</b>: Oh, wow! You remembered! (Opening it) Oh! It's a Judy Jetson thermos!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(She laughs at the childhood memory. Phoebe smiles at being able to make her point.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: Right, like the kind you...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ursula</b>: Right... Oh, I got something for you, too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: How'd you know I was coming?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ursula</b>: Um, yeah, um, twin thing.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand. Phoebe brightens.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: I can't believe you did this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe opens the box, to find something familiar inside.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: I can't believe you... (holding up Joey's cardigan) ..did this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe's smile hardens as she packs the cardigan away.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: So... What's the deal with umm, you and Joey?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ursula</b>: Oh, right. He is so great. But that's over.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ursula resumes eating her lunch..)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: Does he <b>know</b>?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ursula</b>: Who?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: Joey. You know, um, he's really nutsy about you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ursula</b>: He is? Why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: You got me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ursula</b>: Right.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to him.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ursula</b>: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The man gives up, shaking his head.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: So, um, are you gonna call him?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ursula</b>: What? (Indicating the departing waiter) Do you think he likes me?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: No, <b>Joey</b>.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ursula</b>: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out. (Offering to share her
|
||
food) Do you want some chicken?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: No. No food with a face.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ursula</b>: You have not changed!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ursula's eyes dance as she laughs and smiles, simply glad to be back with her sister.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: Yeah, you too.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Trying not to wrinkle her nose, Phoebe smiles back realising it's down to her to make
|
||
up for her negligent sister. Meanwhile, Ursula still hasn't received her side salad, but
|
||
when she attempts to attract the waiter's attention, he ignores her.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Emergency Room. The officious admissions nurse is again on duty. Rachel and
|
||
Monica enter, looking worried. As they approach the desk, Rachel adopts a winning smile,
|
||
while Monica struggles to smile at all.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (as Monica) Hi, remember us?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Nurse</b>: (Grimacing) Mmm hmmm.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (as Rachel) Um, okay. You just called a little while ago about needing a
|
||
signature on the admissions form. Well, it turns out we need a <b>whole new one</b>
|
||
(little laugh) because uh, you see, I-I, I put the wrong name again. (Little laugh) 'cause
|
||
um...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Nurse</b>: You're <b>that</b> stupid.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (as Rachel) I am. I'm <b>that</b> stupid. (Little laugh.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (as Monica) Yeah, and and, I'm just gonna pay for this with a check.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Nurse</b>: Well, you know your insurance will cover that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (as Monica) Yeah, I know... (mirroring her friend) ..I'm I'm just not
|
||
that bright either.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The girls escape with a new form.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is neglecting the game of <em>Scrabble</em>, for
|
||
he's busily drawing on his own childhood in an attempt to help Ross. Marcel chitters
|
||
about.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: Okay, worst case scenario. Say you <b>never</b> feel like a father.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Uh-huh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: Say your son never feels connected to you, as one. Say all of his
|
||
relationships are affected by this.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Do you have a point?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: You know, you think I would.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Instead of scampering, Marcel stretches his neck as much as possible, and makes an
|
||
unvoiced noise from his throat.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: What's up with the simian?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: It's just a fur ball.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: Okay... (returning to the board) ..whose turn is it?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Yours, I just got 43 points for 'KIDNEY'.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: No, no, you got <b>zero</b> points for 'IDNEY'.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: I had a 'K'. Where's where's my 'K'?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The unvoiced hissing continues. In alarm, Ross and Chandler look at the monkey, who is
|
||
now in some distress.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Emergency Room, Monica sits with Rachel, who is filling out an honest form
|
||
at last. Ross and Chandler hurtle in. Little Marcel, wrapped in a fluffy towel, is cradled
|
||
in Ross's arms. They dash up to the admissions desk. Ross is frantic.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: You've got to help me my monkey swallowed a 'K'!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Hearing her brother's voice, Monica gets up to stand behind Chandler, followed by
|
||
Rachel.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Nurse</b>: (angrily) You go get that animal outta <b>here</b>.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: No, no you don't understand the animal hospital is way across town he's
|
||
choking I don't know what else to do.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: What's goin' on?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross and Chandler turn at the voice...)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: Marcel swallowed a <em>Scrabble</em> tile.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: Oh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(..then turn back to the desk when the surprise hits them, and Ross and Chandler whip
|
||
around once more. Monica and Rachel recoil slightly.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Nurse</b>: Excuse me... This hospital is for <b>people!</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Lady, he <b>is</b> people. He has a name, okay? He watches <em>Jeopardy!</em>
|
||
He he touches himself when nobody's watching. Please, please have a heart!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross's vigorous protest is attracting attention.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Mitchell</b>: I'll take a look at him.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel, Monica, Ross and Chandler whip around for a second time, in formation.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel and Monica</b>: Oh, thank you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Michael.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Dr. Mitchell</b>: Rachel.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: What?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (as Rachel) Monica.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (as Monica) Oh.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica:</b> (as Rachel) Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel:</b> (as Monica) Hi.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Monica smiles to cover her embarrassment, but Rachel sadly looks away...)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Central Perk, Joey is playing "She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not" with
|
||
the petals of a flower, alternately looking hopeful and annoyed. Phoebe enters, but not as
|
||
herself, for she has changed the style of her hair and make-up to match that of her twin
|
||
sister. She hangs up her coat, revealing her new cardigan. Nervously, she smooths out the
|
||
identifying garment, approaching Joey who sits next to the main sofa.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (as Ursula) Hey.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: Urse...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe nods as he stands up in delight.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: ..ah, what're you doing here? I've been trying to call you.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (as Ursula) Listen, um...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: No, no, no, don't say "listen." I know that "listen."
|
||
I've said that "listen."</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (as Ursula) I'm sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: I don't get it. What happened? What about everything you said under the
|
||
bridge?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe is almost thrown by this.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (as Ursula): Yeah, um... (nervously clears her throat) You know you, you
|
||
should just forget about what I said under the bridge, I was talkin' <b>crazy</b> that
|
||
night, I was so drunk!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: You don't drink.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (as Ursula) That's right, I don't... But I was, I was drunk on you!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: Oh, Urse... (He tries to take her in his arms, but she fends him off.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (as Ursula) Okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: Why? Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (as Ursula) If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: (Thinking carefully) no. No, I, I couldn't do that.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (as Ursula) Um, then yes, it's 'cause of Phoebe! So, you know, it's
|
||
either her or me.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: Then, uh, then I'm sorry.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He sinks to the sofa, saddened by Ursula's ultimatum, while Phoebe follows, touched by
|
||
Joey's good heart.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe:</b> (as Ursula) You know... (unconsciously putting a hand on his knee)
|
||
You're gonna be really, really hard to get over.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: I know...</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(He looks up at her face and Phoebe, slipping out of character, smiles back at him.
|
||
Joey's voice becomes soft and warm.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: I don't know whether it's just 'cause we're breakin' up or... what, but
|
||
you have never looked so beautiful.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: Really?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Phoebe smiles, when Joey takes her face in his hands and kisses her. Joey gets up to
|
||
leave but stops suddenly. Phoebe silently shouts "Oh, whoa!!" to herself, and
|
||
leans back in the sofa to recover, a hand to her tingling lips. A thoughtful Joey is also
|
||
feeling <b>his</b> lips, so he hesitates for a moment, then returns for a better view, he
|
||
thinks again, cocking his head from side to side to regard her profile from various
|
||
angles, then...)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: Pheebs?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: (Automatically) Yeah. Oooh... (she's sprung.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: The Hospital, Marcel lies on the operating table while recovering from the
|
||
anaesthetic, tucked up under a sheet like an infant in a huge bed. Ross sits beside him,
|
||
as a smiling Chandler, Monica and Rachel look on.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: He looks so tiny.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The door bursts open, and Joey and Phoebe rush in.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: We just got the message.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Phoebe</b>: Is he alright?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Yeah. The doctor got the 'K' out. He also found an 'M' and an 'O'.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: We think he was trying to spell out 'MONKEY.'</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross does not approve of Chandler's daft theory.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Well, the doctor says he's gonna be fine, he's just sleeping now.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: (Tapping Ross on his shoulder) So, you feel like a dad yet?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: No, why?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: Hey, come on, you came through, you did what you had to do. That is
|
||
very dad.</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Ross does approve of this, but he's still not sure. The tiny figure stirs.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Oh, look, he's waking up!</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: (Quietly) hey, fella! How you doing?</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(All of a sudden, Marcel grabs Ross's finger with his whole fist, and he squeezes it,
|
||
so tight, that Ross finally knows what it is to be a father. He looks up at his friends,
|
||
who smile encouragingly, Rachel tenderly resting her chin upon Monica's shoulder. Ross
|
||
realises that Chandler was right and he's gonna make a great dad!)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>Closing Credits</b></p>
|
||
|
||
<p>[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is there. Rachel is looking out
|
||
of the window and Ross is handing out some Chinese takeout. There's a small SAP in
|
||
the corner of the screen.]</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: Aqui est<73>. (Here it is!)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: <20>A qui<75>n pidio el pollo General Tso? (Who ordered General Sal's
|
||
chicken?)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Chandler</b>: <20>Pudo aver sido General Tso! (It could've been General Sal!)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Rachel points out of the window.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Rachel</b>: <20>Mira, mira, el viejo desnudo est<73> haciendo el hula hoop! (Look, look,
|
||
Ugly Naked Guy is doing the hula!)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(The others rush to the window for a look.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All</b>:<3A>Ewww! (Ewww!)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Joey enters, happy again.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>All</b>: <20>Hola, Joey! (Hi, Joey!)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Joey</b>: <20>Hola, amigos! (Hey, everybody!)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Marcel grabs the remote.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Monica</b>: Mira, Ross, Marcel se llevo el control remoto. (Look, Ross, Marcel's got
|
||
the remote.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p><b>Ross</b>: <20>Lo que sucedio es que no le gusta la tele! (The thing is, he doesn`t
|
||
like the program!)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p>(Everybody laughs.)</p>
|
||
|
||
<p align="center"><b>End</b></p>
|
||
</font>
|
||
|
||
|
||
</body></html> |